The best date I have ever been on with the best & most cherished woman to my life was an invitation to Fogo De Chao that I completely paid for. Would have been better if it was SP Steakhouse, but that's on me for not getting a reservation in time. 😂 Point being, men like providing, men like paying, men like being men in relationships. It's part of why I've paid for almost every date I've ever been on in my life, unless someone sneakily asks for the check & pays while I'm int the bathroom. *Please avoid using language that makes us feel like we are suckers for doing so with shaming language!* It's reinforced at almost every point in society that men have to earn our value, we do not bring anything to the table by ourselves just by virtue of existing or being born... we kinda low key know that. That's a big part of why so many men feel compelled to pay for everything. Just don't *confirm* it out loud by having a professional psychologist & relationship counselor do the algebra on a 5m subscriber youtube channel of *my company + money = your company* Whatever else I have to bring to the table to be worth your company, means *my company = your company - money* The only way to balance that equation is to assume our company is worth... less. Talk about a way to feel icky... Trust me, rich rebuilds nor any other 3rd party repairman is jumping out of the shadows like question 1 TV ads imply, to rp you, just because you paid for your own food!
I Knew this was gonna be a Good and Helpful for me video just by your thumbnail. I am an attractive Man and Nice, and I encounter coworker women who talk to me like i am trash because i am a Cook and I only make $16 an hour, but they flirt their way into Cars and Cash and Phones, and they teach eachother how to be a Predator. But men participate too. But, They are the Sexual Predators preying on The Loneliness of Men that are created by Low pay.... You are On Point . thank you for making me feel like i am not CRAY. tHANKZ. Have a GooD DaY!!🦘🐿🦔🐫🐪🐰🐦🧀🥙💰💽💾💿📀📟📠
I fully believe in gender equality. Women desire and deserve to be paid as much as men at work. Women should also be willing to pony up on the first date, if you desire to be taken seriously.
@@personaldronerepair6141 And should woman make up the same percentage of work place deaths? What you mean is paid for the same job however this will never be the case. Example; Females make up 87% of nurses yet on average make about $10k less per year. Why is that. Simple men are the ones who take the over night shifts, the also take the overtime where women do not. Once this is accounted for men actually make less on a per hour basis because in most hospital settings female RNs start a higher pay than their male counter parts (except in states were wages are published and this fuckery cannot take place)
@@boadiceameridionalis3732Man i don't even know how i got here either, i think i looked up how to crack open a 1st gen ipod that one time and shortly after, i got this angry short north american man absolutely killing it on fixing an unfixable macintosh laptop on my recommended and i was then and there, forever interested. Him yelling at the same things on the internet that thoroughly disappoint me is a nice bonus!
Sounds like the landlord needed to rent the house to a family member for $1 a month. Draft the lease and when someone invades the home, they tell them to GTFO there's already a lease on the house. It's not vacant it's rented by someone else. There are laws to protect tenants, not landlords. So when you rent to a family member you can utilize tenant protection laws to f the fake tenant. Because the legislature for NYC = the patients running the asylum so you need to think like a sick patient.
I genuinely have to say, the moment she said "unsafe" I felt insulted... And I've never even been in the mentioned situation. But the sheer thought that some women might stamp me as a predator because I didn't feel like paying for a coffee, THAT was just something else...
Thats because she is an educated and entitled moron. Or the wonem she is describing on behalf of are that mornonic. BUT THAT IS GOOD! You can say for free and right away your date is trash.
It gave me the exact same ick as when guys go on dates and then end the night and say something like 'i spent $100 on that meal and she didn't even put out." - you instantly know you're dealing with some sort of weirdo if thats their take away and thats their language of choice.
Lois you are completely right when you say that Women say they want equality but in reality they only want the good parts ... Where I come from, the custom is that Men are still seen as the Main Provider ... And when someone says you are my guest, it is expected that the host will cover the entire bill ...
You're lucky. VERY lucky. It's very important to highlight that for every one of these fucked up examples I am playing here, there are 10,000 women like YOUR GIRL that are kind, caring, sympathetic, empathetic, and have no egoistic feeling of entitlement to your money. nor are they scoring you negatively based on you not spending on them. It is very easy, whether it is political, gender-based, or anything else, to see these examples and assume that this is everything you find out there, rather than this being An isolated example. Do not assume that the entire world is filled with people that feel a sense of entitlement to your money. RU-vid and forums will always have the most extreme examples and then our brain extrapolates that and assumes that's the entire world. In reality, most of the world is filled with people like your girl and kudos to her and you for finding one another and making it work!!!
@@rossmanngroup a lot of people seem to have forgotten that other people are PEOPLE. You're not shopping for groceries, you're looking for someone to spend your life with. If you need to play games to fool them into dating you, enjoy playing games for the rest of your life. I'd much rather be with someone I understand and who understands me. Cut through the BS. Just appreciate one another as humans.
The women around me are very kind and nice but because I have watched so many videos of women ruining men's life, cheating and with all the statistics about divorce, false allegations, men's unknowingly raising someone else's children I am too scared to even try to get in a relationship with anyone. I am afraid that there is more to them than I can see and what they aren't showing could be an Amber tud.
"I feel unsafe" Right... because there has never been a creep or a s€&ual predator that will pay for your things in order to build trust before showing their true colors.
I’m so tired of people using “unsafe” as a magic word for “you have to care about and agree with what I’m saying or you’re an evil bad person who wants me to be in danger.”
And the guy pays three four times for her meal, well there is a point of payback...that may be where the third date sex thing came from. You brought everything to the table (pick her up, pay for dinner etc) and now it's her turn.
@@mushyroom9569Look up the white feather in World War I. Women put white feathers in the caps of men out of uniform shame men who were not joining the military to fight in the war. Shame from women has been a very strong method of engineering the desired behaviors from men.
A high school teacher of mine one said "Value yourself and someone who values you the same will find you." It's been the best advice I've ever had when it comes to dating
In a world where women don't value themselves, have body counts of 30+, dating multiple people at the same time, and then expect traditional treatment from men.
@@DanCojocaru2000 Nobody is going to "find you" if you're putting yourself above everyone else and not dating. No random princess is going to knock on your door one day or randomly approach you just because you deserve them... Get real
Women want to feel taken care of, which is fine, but they feel entitled to those feelings on the first date for some reason. Your analogy with sex is spot on.
Guys who expect sex on the first date are creeps, but women who go on dates solely to get free food are fine... 🤔 (not to say that a _lot_ of women do that, but they're out there.)
Never in my life have I tried to "impress" a woman on a date by doing things I don't normally do. I married a woman without dumb ideas about ego and every day I wake up next to the best choice I ever made. You get pretty far in relationships by just being honest.
If you're trying too hard to impress, you're not being yourself. Once it's time to settle in and you don't need to anymore, they're only going to feel like you're not the same person anymore. If you want something real, be yourself from the start. The person they start dating is the person they'll expect when they commit. I learned that the hard way in my 20s.
@@stackflow343 This is exactly why so many people say "he/she/they changed! they weren't like this before" like yeah, because they weren't being honest--maybe they didn't realize it, but they weren't. So many relationships are doomed from the start because people just don't know how to be real with each other, it's nuts.
People who think like her believe their time is worth more than yours. Avoid being with people with that mindset, it'll eventually blow up in your face.
It's me+ syndrome in full force. The same way she felt _"insulted"_ that she wasn't worth the coffee, I'd feel insulted that she felt my company was not an equal trade for hers. For everything said about all the fucked up ass red pill influencers on this platform, you can get advice almost as shitty from actual relationship counselors. I don't understand how reinforcing this concept is a good influence on young men. You, as you are, is not enough. You have to make up for bringing less to the table with your devalued company by paying more in another area for her highly valuable company. I say this as someone who's paid for every first date since puberty... what a sad message this sends young men.
@@rossmanngroup I fully agree with you. I've been a licensed, working, therapist for eight years. I hate to say it, but majority of therapists out there just try to make their clients into versions of themselves. Not to focus on that part too much, but that's what really hit home for me because if a young woman had this mindset and presented it to me, I would process with her the results of it. I wouldn't just instinctively try to red pill her or something. This counselor is just thinking for her clients instead of teaching them to think for themselves. It's disgusting when people in power spread their venomous world views.
@@rossmanngroup Be encouraged, young men are not buying what these girls are selling. I believe this disconnect has peaked in absurdity, and the pendulum is swinging back to the norm of tradition. Many people live a traditional life, but you just don't see it televised or glamorized because the govt and junk makers won't get the extra revenue if people saw there was a better way than this rampant narcissistic consumerism. The thought occurred to me that the lady speaking in the video is of an older age cohort that may have bought into the me-me stuff, and herself thinks in this "unsafe" word salad construct (also, working in therapy, they can go loopy themselves). Some of the younger women are extreme examples of this, and appear objectively ridiculous. Recent clips from the "whatever" podcast are either a goldmine of laughs or will drive you to despair for young women, but should encourage you about young men. Thanks for talking about "me +," I hadn't heard it before and it makes perfect sense.
Honestly when someone acts like that and wont go on a second date because you wanted to split it kind of filters them out for you. It might actually be worth it to do that one a first date even if you plan on paying for every date after that just to lose people that think they are worth more than you.
Does anyone else recall the days when men were told to go dutch to avoid the implicit power imbalance of "I bought you dinner so..." to remove creepy expectations?
And now there are videos of guys asking if he's going to get any, she says "no", then he says "we'll take a split check", and she acts indignant. Both sides are acting entitled. And as prices for a date keep going up, more and more men will wonder why they don't just pay for a professional over a meal for some entitled snob that gives them nothing in return.
Having once been love-bombed by someone who turned out to be an abuser, I subsequently felt less safe with the guy who insisted on paying for everything.
I don't think whether the guy pays on dates or not is an indicator of safety either way, there were probably other red flags from the abusive guy that are much more reliable.
Some of us would love to feel more provided for, it does feel safe, but it doesn’t when men yank it away at any moment so again better to have your own everything… and yes love bombing is alarming agree with tht
@@elmateo77Refusal to let the other pay is a red flag. "Only if you insist", or a formulation of that type, shouldn't constitute a red flag. Basically if you can't even let the other makes small choices that don't impact you, you're being too controlling.
Important addendum: you make your decision by your actions not by your words. If you say you want chivalry, and only go out with "bad boys" who don't give you chivalry, you're demonstrating you don't want chivalry. (Or equality lol)
A woman paying for a first date is actually a good way to detect creeps. If you pay and they start freaking out about being "EmAsCuLaTeD," then good job, you just dodged a bullet.
I still wonder if planning before a date to check on how to pay, like even plan out the budget so the bill splits is the norm. Why is paying in full to demonstrate something still the norm??
and nothing wrong with that they can want whatever they want. Problem is men giving up on that demands and allow them to do that than cry about it alter on XD
@@EnderElohim you're right, there would be nothing wrong with it, if it was a failing strategy, but clearly it's a winning strategy for them it's our fault, as in men
@@giampaolomannucci8281 Yep. Men abusing men is horrible. That include laws too like divorce laws fuck men all over the place. In my country we still dealing with unlimited alimony + unlimited money from government to women if women not working and married. So they abuse the shit out of it.
This channel being variety is just one of the many reason why I love it! I also love the mini series you've done over the years and hope we do get another in the future!
You're definitely spot on with our company not being enough. Even though I grew up in a more than healthy household, for some reason that thought also sits in my soul. Ironically, I would probably pay for a (reasonable) date if she didn't expect it, but if she came with an attitude like the lady in the video, I probably would not. One thing I think a lot of men have issues with these days is the expectation that men uphold traditional gender roles while there is no expectation of women to do so.
100% true. One thing that we hear every single day is that we are not going back to the 1950s. You'll hear the 1950s discussed as this horrible era. And we can probably agree on some of it. But if that's the case, why does my wallet have to behave as if it was 1950?
@@rossmanngroup Yea. A lot of people really like demonising the past, but if I look at my parents and grandparents, they all had marriages that were happy, fulfilled and lasted until someone died (of natural causes). And they didn't just stay together because they had to. How come in this brave new world that is so awesome, people (in this case men and women) are more divided than ever and divorce is at an all time high?
Genuine question, on a first date what would you expect of the woman to signal she stands by traditional gender roles? I ask because it seems to me that a lot of what our culture has become kind of mandates that women give up how traditional women used to be. From wardrobe to what we're expected to do in society (eg women are expected to work like men now instead of being homemakers). Obviously later in a relationship it's a lot easier to make that traditionality more clear, but on a first date where you know nothing about each other I don't know what you would expect.
@@Snow-Willow Be nice. Don't be on your phone. Be on time. Don't say "yes" to the date if you already know you aren't interested but free food sounds good ... I think that's it. That's what I consider basic respect. Like, don't be 30 minutes late on purpose to play some weird head games. My time is as valuable as yours.
@@Snow-Willowlittle things, if she makes it a point to mention that she disdains dating applications is a big one for me because that tells me that if I pay for your dinner I'm not paying for a woman that's going on five other dates this week with five other men. Little things in demeanor. I wish I could better explain it.
I value equality. If a woman I'd go on a date with was so keen to uphold traditional gender roles as to find it weird for us to split the bill, I'd find that a massive red flag. If someone doesn't want a second date just because of me wanting to split the bill, the bullet has made me dodge itself. If you value me for my money, I no longer am in a social relationship with you, I'm in a financial one. In other words I become a "customer". The only real silver lining in this is that it's very easy to get rid of these people if you just recognize what they're doing. TLDR: I am more than my wallet.
You know I was thinking you were bit too emotional or enthusiastic with this and was thinking "hmm isn't he being little too dramatic", until you mentioned how "unsafe" can make people lose jobs, get kicked out of properties and generally make the rest of the dude's life miserable, if not completely unliveable. And dang, as soon as I realized that, I was really taken aback by the realization that I was internally okay and had made peace with the assumption that anything I do could be seen as "unsafe", and consciously or subconsciously was putting in effort to just stay out of the way of women, and on days where I feel low, not even make eye contact with them when I have to interact with a woman. And at some point I guess I just *accepted* and believed it as a fact that my *very being* is unsafe for women, and people in general. Sometimes it makes me ashamed to be a man. Maybe I'm being a bit too dramatic here, I don't know. The even scary realization was that being okay with this would cost me a lot of things - jobs and whatnot. Thank you, Loius, really appreciate you putting this video out. Also I am not sure lol I think my stuff is being randomly removed. Someone say something if you see this lol, thanks :)
Woman are just the oldest teenagers in the room. Most females stop mentally maturing when the realize they have unlimited male attention just for being alive. Once a woman becomes a mother a good percentage will change but not all.
The funny thing is that Bill Burr made that skit years before that relationship counselor did this interview. Bill Burr was on the money. He has been on the money for a long time.
For the record, it was the interviewer who called it an ick, not her. She just agreed. I notice no one is rushing to call the guy a 4 yo. Wonder why...
@@Andyisgodcky The point? Are you saying that women are using the work "ick" to intentionally sound like toddlers? First: I don't think that's true. Second: my comment stands, that is stupid.
I've personally gone full monk mode and it's staying that way for the foreseeable future because I'm tired of the bullshit. Enjoyment of free time, sanity and money saved has all improved 200%.
Yea I went full monk mode in my late 20's because of all the bullshit and it felt great. Now in my early 40's I feel so... F'ing lonely, I have no doubt it's clinical depression. Which then makes finding someone so much more difficult, in addition to today's dating world. So difficult, like in my 20's, I don't want to particpate... I'm gonna die alone. That's frightening.
@@lgg2304 I feel you bro. I'm in the same boat. I thought I'd found a good one, turns out she's a malignant narcissist who literally set me up, lied her ass off to the police and now I'm having to try to defend myself against a 3-7 year sentence. Just so that she can cash in on a lousy 18k "victim" payment, from what I can gather. I don't want to tar them all with the same brush. I want to hold on to hope that there's still some good women out there. I'm sick of the loneliness. I don't know what to make of anything anymore. I have absolutely no idea how I'm going to fund my legal defence. The situation I have found/put myself in is so astronomically far from just, or even something to be expected... it beggars belief. But here I stand. Laws are not written with men in mind. I'd take loneliness over incarceration any day. *most probably this won't even be seen.
Hang on a moment, a female date getting upset over a bloke not paying for the whole thing.... The inference of their behaviour suggests they won't put out if you don't pay the bill. That's a little bit too close to prostitution for my liking and I would happily never see her again for getting stroppy over splitting the bill.
I agree one hundred percent with you here, the word "unsafe" has no rational basis here. Offering or suggesting to split a bill is pure practicality and a completely neutral thing. The economy is in shambles right now and chivalry is EXPENSIVE. Hell, dating in general is expensive, and that's *with* splitting bills. Even asking someone else to foot a bill, in any context up to and including a first date- in a heterosexual relationship or otherwise- is at worst an awkward or embarrassing position to be in and at best a total non-issue. Bringing safety into the equation here is such a manipulative and shitty thing to do for what even the most high-maintenance of partners would call a social faux-pas- NOT a red flag for someone being a creep. The bar for people to not be labeled as a creep, or dangerous, or unsafe *cannot* be set so high that something as innocuous as choosing whether or not they foot a bill would trip them up. Men, I promise you, you will never need to pay your way into a healthy relationship. The most important thing you're bringing to the table is yourself, NOT your wallet.
Something about this comment untied the knot that clip put in my stomach. Sometimes it's really hard not to think women genuinely don't even think of us a human beings on the same level as them. Which would be less confusing if i didnt hear women saying they felt the same from men my entire life. Its like they *know* what its like, and dig their heels in anyway.
She is not suffering financially, nor would anyone she is dating. I find her insufferably out of touch, especially considering she is a purported "expert" on relationships who is not married, nor has ever been married and is a single mother. It's like getting advice on how best to clear the jump from the cliff to the water, from the paraplegic who missed the jump two weeks ago.
That’s not entirely true though is it? Not if you are looking for a woman to be a great mother and take care of your children and your household. Then just being you really isn’t going to be enough. She is going to need to be quite sure that you can take care of things financially.
@@nicwelchYou make a fair point, which is that depending on the type of partner your looking for and the life goals/ roles you intend to have, then finances absolutely can be a make-or-break deal. But even then, a financially stable partner isn't automatically a good or healthy or "safe" person just due to that one trait. The *most* important factor will always be how well you mesh as two individual people, which sets the foundation of the entire rest of the relationship. Basically, yes money can be a big factor for long term relationships. But disagreements over who is paying on a first date are just signs you might not have compatible views on things- such as what ways you'd expect a partner to support a joint household. Which is fine! That's the whole point of dating, getting to know people to try and see if you'd make compatible partners. What the name on a dinner bill DOESN'T show is that a man is "unsafe" or a creep, which is a point that I do think still stands (not that I think you were saying as much, I'm just still mind-boggled at that being a concept in the first place)
@@renakunisaki Exactly, I'd feel utterly unsafe hearing the word. Also, she must've accepted the interview, so implying to every man they're "unsafe" if they don't pay every woman... *shudder*
I pay for myself, and she pays for herself. I don't want someone who can't take care of themselves and their responsibilities in life, and expecting me to pay *your* bill gives a lot of bad signals (you might not financially stable, you can't handle responsibilities, you're not independent, you might be manipulative and abusive). If I decide to pay the bill, it's a kind and generous gesture on my part (or her part), not because it's somehow expected of me.
Agreed, never thought dinner dates on the first go is smart, just do cheap stuff like the movies or a coffee until you know their moral fiber enough to not get scammed into footing some bill.
Coffee has always been my go to. Low time commitment, or you can be there for hours. If you drink, a drink in the evening is great too for similar reasons. Don't get drunk though.
I don't think we should be roasting her though, she's just saying what (probably) most women are secretly thinking. We should be praising her for giving us this rare and valuable insight. Like yeah she's coming out and admitting that she's a piece of shit, but everyone is a piece of shit. Thanks to honest pieces of shit like her, the rest of us know what to brace ourselves for.
10:09 at this point louis's channel is officially my favorite channel, from fighting with eulas, protecting repair rights without a paper to read the text from, encouraging others over failures and just truly being there for your subscribers... We love u Louis. ❤
the "fails to provide because he doesn't pay" argument is hilarious. I can just as well think "if this guy can't think of himself and his own well being and stability first, how's he going to take care of me?"
I find it wild that she's self-aware and intelligent enough to recognize that if she thought through her expectations she'd find them irrational, but hasn't actually done so, especially as a practicing therapist. That interview should have been about how she USED to think and feel that way.
@@wolfdragonhorse Her entire point is *literally* that these are the sorts of reactive thoughts we all have and then have to challenge. Exactly what you would want out of her.
Most of talk therapy is a joke meant for people who lack the brainfunction to actually locate their own issues by themselves. If you already know your issues it won't help you find solutions to things that are either irrational or caused by unchangeable factors.
I had to stop the video 3 minutes in when she brought up safety. Hold the phone, this one has me fuming. Okay, I'm a woman. I'm married these days, but back in my dating days, it was always the men that insisted on paying for everything that scared me. The guys that would *reject* my offer to pay now and then, or at least split the bill. Because every single time, those men turned out to be unhinged lunatics who wanted to own me like a pet, and intended to have me indebted to them in ways that money does not buy. Being a woman seen as nothing more than property that's been bought is a terrifying prospect. Money and things don't earn my attention. I grew up poor, I'm caliced and adaptable. It might work on bougie women, but I don't associate with that, because becoming dependent or indebted to the wrong person is TERRIFYING.
You're dead on. Exactly what you described happened with my parents: my dad insisted my mom quit her job (she was making more than him) because it threatened his ego not to have control. She didn't realize her mistake until much later.
I might be misunderstanding Okay so what you're saying is it is better that people split the check because no one will feel like they have to reciprocate anything correct. For myself I'm not old but I was raised to be a gentleman so for me if I'm going out with someone if I invited you I'm paying if you want to split okay sure I don't mind but I'm never going to ask to split a check no one owes me anything it's just the way I was raised. So is it that that behavior will make me seem predatory Am I getting that correct cuz like I said if the other individual wants to offer to pay half I have no problem with that I'm not so much stubborn that I'm set in my ways you have to change everything changes we move with time.
I specifically waited to attempt to date until I left the overwhelmingly Italian/Irish middle-class area I grew up in because of all the retrograde stereotypes, but even still I always pay (I sometimes even pay for the table with groups of friends). If a date asks to split, I'm actually *more* interested because it signals to me she's also not hung up on retrograde stereotypes and is looking for a partner, not a replacement for her dad.
@@hre713 I think that a man insisting initially is nice. It's the assertion that he must be the one who pays 100% on every date without room for discussion or at least having some way to balance it. "I pay this time, you pay next time" if she insists on helping makes complete sense. I've been on dates where the guy couldn't pay. But each time, he brought it up *before* getting anything (these guys assumed they were not going to order). And I insisted on it. It's just a little pick-me-up gesture to show that it's perfectly okay. Never thought less of a person for this. Sometimes we forget our wallets or fall on hard times. Now if he orders and *then* reveals she has to pay for him, that's a grimeball she's got on her hands. Women should not do this either, and it shouldn't just be socially okay. Worked with women who did this to their dates... I don't make friends with the type. Just my thoughts.
@@hre713 Took me a couple reads of both the OP's post and your response, but I think you and I might have a different take on this than the OP. Honestly, think both sides are pointing out red flags that should end any chance of a relationship. Okay, end of the date and I offer to pay. She says she wants to pay half. I decline, saying I have it. At that point, the OP is saying that my refusal to let my date pay half is a red flag that I'm somehow controlling. Pretty sure you and I both disagree with that sentiment. However, if her next response is, "No, I want to pay my half," that is a red flag for me that SHE isn't someone to date! Now she is the one that is controlling, demanding I fit her mold of what a date should be. (I was raised same as you so someone who is gung ho adamant about splitting is telling me they were raised differently and chances are, we aren't compatible as a match so better to go looking for someone else.) From the sounds of it, I doubt I would have wanted to spend more time with someone with the OP's views just as I don't think it would be worth the hassle when there are other women available who, if not share my views, are at least more tolerant of them and how I was raised. By the way, when I dated, I usually would reply, "I'll get dinner if you'll get the tickets for the movie!" That way, we didn't "split" the bill, but both of us paid for part of the night's activities. It also helped gain a sense on whether the date was always going to expect me to pay. (I'll gladly pay for a formal first date; after that, if this is to be a relationship, we're sharing in the costs as well!)
Most men nowadays are apathetic towards dating because of how social media has warped people's perceptions if reality. They dont want to invest into someone who'll drop them on a dime, and splitting the check is usually the go to.
I was watching this older movie the other day and they pretty good points like taking a woman out to eat on the first date is a bad idea because you don't know if you are going to be invested or interested in that person beyond the first date so its better to take them out for like a quick drink instead to get to know them and then once you feel like your comfortable enough you can ask for a second date to go out to eat with the third and forth dates to get more intimate with each other if it ends up getting that far.
@@Dragonk116 Still sounds like terrible advice bro. Boomersims don't work for the world of today. Here is the real question. Where do you even meet new people? Everything has been abstracted to social media that its impossible to talk to anyone in the real world. They just have earbuds in and they scroll scroll scroll on instaslut.
It is unsafe for my wallet to pay for meals on random strangers. That's dating to me... wastefully spending money on strangers. I don't date at all anymore.
Dating in '24 is like opening a present. You don't know what you're going to get. I'm fine with paying for a night out, date or just with friends. I have no expectation that the other party is going to put a dime toward it, but it's nice to be surprised every now and then when you fight them at the register. To me, that builds trust and acknowledgement that there is a good chance that they will do for you in the future. This whole "not feeling safe if the guy doesn't pay", I'd love to hear them talk about feeling safe when the guy buys one too many and you wake up not knowing what happened the night before.
Louis Rossman for president!! There are few good role models to look up to these days. I’m glad you exist. every one of your videos leaves me saying “that is a good man right there.” We need more people like you as leaders in our country! Unfortunately, honesty and a strong sense of ethics doesn’t seem to get you very far in the political world. Anyway, I have so much respect for you. Thank you for sharing your thoughts on this platform.
Flip side - the person insisting on paying for everything may be doing it for control and to create the impression that they owe them. This is regardless of gender. No matter what, anything can be potentially unsafe. In any case - who pays first or who doesn't - it's all based on culture and upbringing and whatever floats their boat.
"No matter what, anything can be potentially unsafe." A strange game. The only winning move is not to play. I'd rather not take that attitude, and I hope whoever I romance doesn't either. Because if they do then human relationships are impossible.
@@CertifiedDoc despite past trauma or bad experiences, there's still a chance it can be overcome, even though that journey might be different for everyone.
Its still an insane accusation to just drop casually on someone. Basically accusing people of being abusers over the simple act of not just providing a free meal to someone they might never see again. It is an insane worldview that pretty much assumes all men are evil until they prove otherwise instead of assuming that most people are normal living their own lives. A presumption of guilt instead of innocence.
What I love most about this channel is that Louis has good working common sense. You might think you're crazy when looking at the world around you. You reason things with good vs. bad. A lot of other people reason with profit, ego, status or other self-centered beliefs.
This Rossmann rant definitively proves that variety is the spice of life! Starting with the podcast is like a skilled chef showing up with takeout…it’s not what you came for, it’s not what you wanted, but you don’t want to be rude. You roll with it. But then the Rossman meat comes down the line, hot and heavy. Overflowing with flavor. Stuffed with nutrients. A true palate cleanser. And then the real hit… 10:10 …aw yeah, give us that GOOD shit, chef.
Louis is a real one. I had a friend once who did the same thing after I had one (read: several) too many and blacked out at a party. Evidently I said something inappropriate to his girlfriend. He confronted me at a later party when I was more sober and asked "did you say something weird to *name*?" I replied that I most likely had (though I didn't remember, I'd never blacked out before so I didn't argue) He had this funny smirk on his face and pulled back his fist, and I instinctively knew to offer up my shoulder and take a solid punch. Never went over my limit again after that. It was a weird little defining moment. It's moments like that which determine who your real friends are, IMO. Just the right amount of assault when nothing else gets the message thru haven't seen him in a while, if you happen to be reading this, hope you're doing well!
Most of the people I’ve known who later turn out to be psycho/stalker types went WAYYYY over the top to impress women with lavish gifts, picking up tabs, etc …at the beginning of the relationship.) That is much more of a red flag for safety issues, IMO.
I'm glad I live in an egalitarian paradise called Finland. Here women here take pride in equality. They sometimes make it clear before going out on a date that they'll be paying for their own meal. It's also common to take turns. "It's my treat this time and next time it's yours". This way everyone gets to both be generous and feel special.
Same thing in Sweden. But, then again, the USA is often behind the times with things like this. They pretend that they're not, but sometimes (like with dating) they really, really are. Not all Americans and all that, but as a culture...
Wow, Finnish men must be a different breed if they're so equal. Do Finnish men get pregnant, give birth and breastfeed their children too? Or is equality limited only to finances and women are still expected to do all their womanly roles in addition to going 50-50?
Based Louis. It irritates me as well. Everything is equal until the paycheck comes. How bout stepping up and bringing something to the table. You setup the date. You pay for it. What makes this thing even worse, is there are women out there who take advantage of it. They know they want nothing to do with you, and will still go out with you, string you along, waste your time, lie, and take your money. It's a BS double standard that doesn't make sense anymore.
Yep and a lot of men have now caught on to that BS game women keep playing around and so they are learning that "yeah no I'm not wasting my time with this" but what have women learned? Doubling down on this stuff essentially learning nothing from their own actions.
"You setup the date. You pay for it." That literally still means men pay for it. Stop with the subversive phrasing. When has a woman ever set up a first date? Now extrapolate that again against the other 4 billion women. Can you even count on one hand how many women did that?
I'm over 40 married with kids and own a house. I'm still not in a great place financially but still better than most. I used my wit and had lots of luck to be where I am today. I have two sons and I don't see them reaching where I am ever due to the state of our social reality in the United States. Not a religious dude but I still pray for this next generations young men.
ever considered coaching? you have a very convincing manner. a dangerous one in fact. I feel like you have the power to convince me into something I usually wouldn't do, and I don't think I'm easy to manipulate most of the time. what sorcery is this? great video, great points. thank you
...I'd have to put my own life in order before I can advise others. And that's a long way off. This channel’s always been my creative outlet. Take it for what it is, the rants of a crazy man, nothing more, nothing less!
Any woman who is self-centered enough to expect me to pay for the first date isn't worth a second. Any woman who doesn't offer to pay for her share is either broke, or a mooch. If she's broke, sure, I don't mind helping out a bit, and I've done so before. The problem is, most of the time, I feel like they're mooching off of men. Equality means you pay for your meal and I pay for my own meal. If we aren't entering into a potential relationship equally, well, that's just not a good relationship.
The days of the white feather in the cap are long gone. Look up the white feather in World War I. Women put white feathers in the caps of men out of uniform to shame men who were not joining the military, so they'd fight in the war. Men signed up to get shot at & die in war to avoid being shamed by young, attractive women. It's a real thing - and it's why I was so offended at it here. Men are sensitive to this, to an irrational degree, that we will literally agree to fight & die for some faraway fkface king to avoid being shamed by young single women. Using shaming language on men _(as in, it isn't my vanity/ego that is the problem - rather, _*_you_*_ make us feel _*_unsafe_*_ )_ has been an exceptionally effective method of engineering male behavior for a very long time. I don't blame people who use it without knowledge or understanding, but I expect more from a relationship counselor/psychologist - these types of people have the self knowledge and information to know better. A college student doing this, even a 27 year old doing this, fine. She's way older, more educated, and above all: *SPECIALIZED* in this field. She knows better. I don't think people in 2024 realize why they're doing it consciously while they're doing it. It's not some conscious evil conspiracy. I don't believe it's that sinister. It's just something that worked for a very long time that kind of got culturally ingrained. If something made your ego or vanity feel hurt, you can use the tools available to you to get men to act differently, or you can work on yourself so your ego/vanity doesn't disregulate your emotions. The former is the path of least resistance. So she adjusts her word choice to make it about someone else, rather than herself. I am expected to keep my ego and vanity in check, and I am expected to regulate my emotions & expectations. I don't see what is wrong with asking the same for someone I am vetting as a life partner & mother of my children.
@@rossmanngroup I remember the white feather in the cap, but it was a different era. Conspiracy or not, most men now know to not pay for first dates or even coffee because too many women have taken advantage of this just to get free meals.
@@rossmanngroup Private Norman Demuth, who had been discharged from the British Army after he had been wounded in 1916, received numerous white feathers after he returned from the Western Front. In Forgotten Voices of the Great War, Demuth is quoted as saying: _"Almost the last feather I received was on a bus. I was sitting near the door when I became aware of two women on the other side talking at me, and I thought to myself, 'Oh Lord, here we go again'. One lent forward and produced a feather and said, 'Here's a gift for a brave soldier.' I took it and said, 'Thank you very much-I wanted one of those.' Then I took my pipe out of my pocket and put this feather down the stem and worked it in a way I've never worked a pipe cleaner before. When it was filthy I pulled it out and said, 'You know, we didn't get these in the trenches', and handed it back to her. She instinctively put out her hand and took it, so there she was sitting with this filthy pipe cleaner in her hand and all the other people on the bus began to get indignant. Then she dropped it and got up to get out, but we were nowhere near a stopping place and the bus went on quite a long way while she got well and truly barracked by the rest of the people on the bus. I sat back and laughed like mad._
Excellent point and very effectively stated. The word "unsafe" is loaded with connotations that are inappropriate for this situation. I'm a bit old-fashioned, but I would never go on a first date if I wasn't prepared to pay for my own food. I would be happy to accept the man's offer to cover it, but being female does not entitle me to someone else's generosity, especially on a first date. The same concept applies to little things like opening doors. I'm absolutely willing and able to open my own door or push in my own chair, but a guy who goes out of his way to be kind to me would have my appreciation.
Louis, we men are viewed in the frame of being good host organisms. This is the quiet part that women don't want to say out loud. I came to the conclusion that dating and relationships were permanently damage a decade ago or more. I was also troubled by what she said, but you put it so much better than i. Thank you.
The greatest gift a girl ever gave me on a first date was insisting she cover half the bill before she ghosted me and blocked my number. That's integrity I've never before seen from a girl. When she blocked me on face book etc etc I had this warm fuzzy feeling. The only thought going through my mind wasn't the pain of rejection or the mysogonistic hatred it was "That was super classy of you to pay your half". If sshe had called me back a week later I would have had no hard feelings I would even done a second date. That's what society needs. If they have zero intention of a second date they should insist on paying half. "Ya know what steve.... Let me venue you $20 for the movie ticket and popcorn to" Seriously... that's equality. It'ss also the best time and place to less than subtly say there won't be a second date, and it makes the man feel way less exploited.
Something within me launched off like a fucking rocket when I heard her say that she wouldn't feel "safe" if her bill wasn't paid. Safe? SAFE?! _Not_ the word choice here. I'm glad that didn't just fuck me up.
Makes you wonder what the purpose of the date was. To get to know the person? Or a free panini? Saying "i had a fantastic time on the date but no next date because he didn't pay" just shows it wasn't about the fantastic time at all 😂
Right? I see asking to split the bill or at least asking how should WE go about covering the bill as a litmus test. If she tries to shame me into paying for it that is a good sign to never speak to this person again. Instead if I get a positive response by offering to split the bill then that is a good sign that this is someone worth asking for some more dates.
@@nolongeramused8135I encourage you to wait until you've dated more than 5 women in your life to make these judgments, like yeah this world is full of assholes but god damn dude no situation is that hopeless unless you are
I never heard of you prior to a video about smart phone agreements that I found a few days ago. I had a similar childhood experience as what you described, but I let women treat me like garbage because I knew I was truly garbage. I always paid for every date with 0 expectations because I felt bad that they were on a date with me. I'm 47 now, married with 2 boys...I found a beautiful woman with even less self esteem than l - though I didn't understand for many years what had happened. I wouldn't even have picked up on the "unsafe" thing, but I agree with your reasoning. You're doing God's work here. I appreciate it.
That clip was extraordinary. It's never occurred to me in 50 years of life that sensible people think that way 'He doesn't like me because he didn't pay for my coffee, (and I'm never going to see him again because of that)'. I've always paid for my share of food everywhere. Other people can pay for theirs. Why on earth would that be a problem? And most of the people I hang out with do the same. It's generally the bon viveur types who buy a lot of extras and wine that prefer to split bills evenly :-) It is true that I've never been on a 'date' in a restaurant so never had to deal with this issue directly. But apparently I would not have done very well at it if these people are at all representative, although I like to think I'd only be going out with sane people! I have bought my wife dinner from time to time, but also vice-versa. We gave up doing separate finances after a few years.
Very well said. Unsafe is so much the wrong word. I would never pay for everything just for a date with someone. Glad to pay for family and friends, and people I know and love, but not for a stranger whom I might or might not see again. Men should put the foot down and stop this ludicrous entitlement.
If girl hitting up the guy, she can pay. if guy hitting up the girl, he can pay. If both want each other, they'll respect each other and would pay each other
Ehhh, this is theoretically sound but the practical issue with it is girls already pretty much never hit guys up. Therefore the entitled girls can just use this logic while continuing to behave and think exactly as they have been.
If I (female) am ever on a (first) date with someone I would not feel comfortable if someone would pay for my drink, food, or other stuff. I rather pay for my own stuff and theirs than expect my date to pay for me. I think it is a stupid thing that men have to pay on the first date. Pay for your own shit.
I'm (male) with Louis on the front of I'd be willing and happy to pay as long as I'm not being subverted and expected to pay for everything. I would also implement some litmus tests to see if I'm being taken advantage of or not
@@hrdcpy That is nonsense. Nobody is ever communicating their sexual and romantic expectations anymore. If you aren't exactly what they want without a word spoken. Its fucking over.
Great video Louis. I appreciate your perspective and you make several good points here. After watching this, I suddenly feel like I never want to eat another panini again for some reason...
woman here. ive had this sort of manipulative language used against me over petty grievances by narcissists i once considered my friends. it is wrong and i fully agree with you.
Jesus I am going to be alone forever at this rate holy moly what the hell are these expectations. I dont understand people, much less women in an intimate sense/environment.
It gets easier the older you get. At some point in your life will just stop giving a fuck. You're not missing much anyways. Find a good hobby. Find some like minded friends.
Do what you do because you want to do it, or will help you do what you want to do. Do not put a mask to please someone else. You got one life. Live it.
I don't think women even understand what they do half the time, because they don't learn from their mistakes like men do. Men are learning that this is a loseing game so the only way for a man to win is to not play the game. Women however have avoided complete lack of accountability for pretty much everything in their entire lives so they have learned absolutely nothing from their own actions.
Princess programming, among other things, makes women chase wallets. That's why no men is enough as a romantic investment - unless they're a sound financial investment as well.
Society has spent countless generations telling women they're entitled to be taken care of and financially supported by men, that they're special and delicate, and that they deserve to be protected from hardship and hard work while they're kept nice and safe and comfortable... by men. And NOW people are surprised and outraged that so many women feel entitled to be treated like princesses? Society created this mess, so now it can lie in it.
@AngryReptileKeeper men are just as guilty for condoning and participating in this type of behaviour. Few people are free of social engineering, unfortunately.
@@AngryReptileKeeperahh yes. lets treat men as a conglomerate singular entity. Its not like I wasnt alive when this was happening. Times were different. We were NOT equal. Women didnt and often couldnt hold jobs. So of course it was up to a man to take care of these individuals and provide and keep them safe. But things have changed. Why is your response to someone saying: "Hey, everything else has changed, so lets change this too" to say "WELL MEN MADE IT LIKE THIS" That is absurd.
@@pumkin610 Attraction last up to two years. No relationship can work without mutual respect. And I mean mutual respect. Not mutual courtesy. If you do not trust her, don't bother. If she does not trust you, don't bother. There is nothing there for you. In a society that worship money as its god, whoever control the money can make the rules. If decisions are always one sided. Don't bother, it won't last. Marriage. It not about money and sex. But about creating a new family with someone you like, respect and trust. If its about money and sex. Then the moment she gets old, it will break. The moment he loses his income, it will break. Family is in the good and the bad. Is not a situational relationship. And that's what people forgot. They love things instead of loving their families.
You are not immune to toxic behaviors. Gays also have to deal with people trying to get them drunk to take advantage of them. You can still end up a one night stand when expecting more. If anything, being gay simply because of bad experiences with the opposite sex is a vulnerability that can be exploited. You’re already more likely to trust the same sex as a result. Humans are capable of evil, on any side of the sexual spectrum.
The plus syndrome is what kills most relationships in my opinion.And I learned something today! I NEVER thought about paying on dates before this video. And that is because I love to do it. I want to make the woman happy,just as you said. But it is so programmed into men that they have to pay to get a woman to like them... And it just sucks. "The plus syndrome is what, in my opinion, ruins most relationships. Today I learned something new! I never thought about paying on dates before watching this video. The reason being, I love to pay and make the woman happy, just as you mentioned. However, it's so deeply ingrained in men that they have to pay to impress women, and I find it unfair."
Personally, as an older millenial, I have always felt that a first date, each should pay for themselves. No expectations, nothing concrete. You are getting to know each other. In fact I dont think a first date should be a meal. A coffee shop is a great way to start. A drink, maybe a snack and mostly talking. You're getting to know each other to decide if more dates are necessary. But I feel if there is an expectation the man should pay, then that gets into shaky grounds of an expectation a girl will give a kiss. Later down the line, I think alternating who pays while dating is nice. Unless one makes significantly more than the other then I think it's a nice gesture to offer. My partner and I have been together for 5 years. We alternate paying for meals, though he does pay more frequently sine he makes double what I do at the present time. But I still will do it from time to time. To show I appreciate him.
One of the best first dates I've ever had was with a woman who decided to pay for it. I paid her back with interest by going on a second date with her at a nicer place and paying for it. We had a great time with each other, but the relationship didn't work out. I still think of it and her fondly, because I felt flattered and repected, which is very rare for a man. My wife and I split all costs on our first date. Been together for 7 years now. The fact that neither of us felt pressured at all on the first date was relaxing.
@@anotheruser9876 I am of the firm opinion that we are _owed_ one last great Coppola film in the Godfather franchise. It would be named 'The Godmother' and then 'Carmela Corleone' appears under. Coppola only people please?
I just had a random thought. And this is coming from a married man with two kids. If she is now earning Money like he is, but she expects to not to have to pay for things, shouldn’t she stop working and let another guy get that position so he can pay for things for some girl? That was just a thought. Growing up, I always felt like I should be the one paying even though I had only a few girlfriends in high school and one girlfriend in college. I think part of that is because my mom told me that men are scum at least 10 times a week when I was growing up, and I believed her for a while. I don’t really talk to her anymore and I don’t bring my kids around her or my wife for that matter. That aside, you make a lot of very good points and I appreciate your video! And I appreciate that you punched your friend.
