You're as useful as a chocolate teapot! | Best British Insults

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What are the best British insults?? That's a good question. As a foreigner living in the UK, I've come across quite a few hilarious and brutal insults - and I want to share them with you!
In my opinion, there's are the best British insult words, phrases and a secret format that some Brits use to craft the best insults.
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Hey! I'm Alanna - a twenty-something documenting my life as a Canadian living in England.
I share the ups and downs of an expat living abroad and what it's really like living in the UK. It's not always easy, but there's been so many wonderful experiences, too. I post a RU-vid video every Tuesday and an additional video every Saturday on my Patreon account. I also livestream every Wednesday and Sunday at 6:30pm GMT on Twitch.
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9 авг 2021

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Комментарии : 1,6 тыс.

@stevenbeech7310 2 года назад

"He couldn't pour piss out of a boot if the instructions were written on the sole" Basically unbeatable if someone is ever so slightly incompetent

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

😂

@gdfggggg 2 года назад

Lol

@ianbennett5245 2 года назад

"Couldn't shoot himself in the foot if he had a shotgun taped to his ankle."

@donrhule1424 2 года назад

LMFAO never heard that one before @Steven Beech 😂😂😂 #savage

@lorddarlo6194 2 года назад

Or he couldn't organise a Piss Up in a Brewery

@Mark13091961 2 года назад

Alanna saying ‘wanker’ earned a thumbs up by itself lol - much like our variety of real ales or cheeses, our insults have matured and diversified into a source of national pride almost. A well delivered British insult is a thing to savour. Excellent appreciation Alanna 👍🏻👍🏻👍🏻

@geoffpoole483 2 года назад

There are some choice expressions in the "Angry British Drivers" video. Makes one proud to be British.

@cogidubnus1953 2 года назад

I often feel though that the deepest British insults are often the ones the recipient doesn't really realise are quite so deadly...and they're as often as not delivered quietly deadpan and straight-faced...

@simontunnicliffe2107 2 года назад

Bit she pronounced it, "wenker"?

@AnnieLongGone Год назад

Oh yes Mark Roberts! On social(ish) media I've sometimes used excariating British put-downs - when justified - and they haven't been completely understood as such. Cue baffled head scratching. But, quite rightly, I've also been on the receiving end of others' comments and have been equally nonplussed. Just as it should be. Vive la différence.

@alexanderreader7406 2 месяца назад

It's actually pronounced "oi! wankaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa"

@nrbudgen 2 года назад

The best one I ever heard was Churchill answering Lady Astor: "Winston, if I were your wife I'd put poison in your coffee." to which Churchill replied: ""Nancy, if I were your husband I'd drink it." Insults don't come much better than that.

@lordhelpus3955 2 года назад

Lady Astor again. Winston you are drunk. Churchill: Madam you are ugly, but in the morning I shall be sober.

@suttoncoldfield9318 2 года назад

I'd heard about some 'sledging' between Auzzie and English cricket players (could be wrong about the countries) PlayerA to PlayerB: Looks like you're putting on a bit of weight there. PlayerB to PlayerA: Yeh, everytime I f*** your wife, she gives me a biscuit.

@lordhelpus3955 2 года назад

@@suttoncoldfield9318 Another good one was Ian Botham coming out to bat: Hey Botham how's your wife and my kids? Botham replied the wife's fine but the kids are retarded.

@eadweard. 2 года назад

@@suttoncoldfield9318 Australia Vs Zimbabwe

@nrbudgen 2 года назад

@@lordhelpus3955 IIRC, it was even worse than the Lady Astor insult. "Winston you are drunk, and what's more you are disgustingly drunk", to which he replied: "Bessie, my dear, you are ugly, and what's more you are disgustingly ugly. But tomorrow I will be sober and you will still be disgustingly ugly." Wow! I wish I could come up with quips like that - but I suppose it's easier when you're drunk!

@terryleddra1973 2 года назад

One of my favourites. About as much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking contest.

@simontunnicliffe2107 2 года назад

🤣🤣

@notreallydavid 2 года назад

Ya beat me to it!

@steviebudden3397 2 года назад

That sounds like it was taken from Blackadder?

@terryleddra1973 2 года назад

@@steviebudden3397 No it pre-dates Blackadder. That's from the late 70's.

@joannecunliffe8067 Год назад

Cried with laughter at this one although I have heard it myself!

@kylebroflovski5333 2 года назад

I’m Swedish living in the uk for most of my life and I absolutely love British insults and they’re so satisfying

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

Thanks so much for watching!

@doc8178 2 года назад

By far the best insulting name I heard when in the military was an individual who’d been nicknamed “Thrombo” because he was a slow moving clot

@reggy_h Год назад

We used to call somebody Harpic because the were clean around the bend. 😁 From an old TV advert.

@gratmatassa5432 2 года назад

" if brains were chocolate you wouldn't fill a Smartie"

@timelord5920 2 года назад

One of my favourites is: “he/she’s several sandwiches short of a picnic”

@radamspse 2 года назад

A few others not sure whether they are english or australian, "not the sharpest tool in the shed", "the lift doesnt go to the top floor"

@allenjenkins7947 2 года назад

The Australian version of this one is "A snag (=sausage) shy of a barbie".

@CaptLoquaLacon 2 года назад

@@radamspse I've seen "not the sharpest tool in the shed" followed with "and all the tools are lump hammers"

@alexbernard8907 Год назад

I'm English born and bred and often use two planks short of a building block

@Purplelemon5033 10 месяцев назад

I like when you were born the dr slapped your mother

@geddonmeansome9834 2 года назад

He couldn't punch his way out of a paper bag. He couldn't knock the skin off a rice pudding.

@charlestaylor9424 2 года назад

A Scottish one - "pick your windae, your leaving".

@loquayrocks 2 года назад

I heard that in Ireland 40 years ago "choose a window, you're leaving".. along with "Are you talking to me or chewing a brick? Either way you're going to lose your teeth"

@alexvaraderey 2 года назад

I was at a party in the 1990's and heard the host say to a gatecrasher ''You're leaving. Door or window?''

@imperialdebauchery5988 2 года назад

Unlike you Jocks, you're going nowhere. lol

@charlestaylor9424 2 года назад

@@imperialdebauchery5988 from your name I assume you sip a lot of tea.

@joopjansen9102 2 года назад

@Charles Taylor YESSS! Forgot about that one - must remember!

@-Pol- Год назад

My favourite Glagow put down - " Awa an boil yer heid! " (Go away and boil your head!)

@craigthornton1971 2 года назад

I like to use a phrase I heard in Blackadder 2 in my childhood "the mouth opens, the eyes move, but Mr Brain has long since departed"

@rebeccaedmonds5428 2 года назад

One of my personal favourites… ‘He couldn’t organise a piss up in a brewery.’

@loquayrocks 2 года назад

couldn't organise an orgy in a brothel

@ShinySilvery 2 года назад

@@loquayrocks The cruder version I learned is “couldn’t arrange a hard on in a whore house!” 😹

@BassandoForte 2 года назад

Banter - not an insult...

@ShinySilvery 2 года назад

@@BassandoForte Which is allowed in this context, as clarified here 6:08 by Alannah herself…

@BassandoForte 2 года назад

@@ShinySilvery - I hadn't got that far in at that point... 😉 It just highlights another difference between the UK and US - Americans tend to take everything far too personally - then return next day and shoot you up for speaking... 🤣

@BigRedJed 2 года назад

A few years ago Twitter said that out of all it's accounts, those based in Glasgow swore the most. I was so proud I cried.

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

Sounds about right lol

@zapkvr 2 года назад

@@AdventuresAndNaps about white?

@traceys8065 2 года назад

I've never been so proud to be Glaswegian lol

@abcdef-uc1rj Месяц назад

''Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery'' ....one of the most useful phrases ever made!

@raybenstead2548 Месяц назад

Couldn't organise a bible meeting in the Vatican.

@charliechan7546 2 года назад

the wheel's still turning but the hamster has left the cage.is a way to describe someone who is stupid.

@chanchito4401 2 года назад

"Have a word with yourself" is another great condescending one

@loquayrocks 2 года назад

my ex used to say "go and have a little chat with yourself"... always shut me down

@afpwebworks 2 года назад

I’ve never heard that before. Writing it in my notebook right now

@chapettewhat5158 2 года назад

As are 'quiet now', 'stop showing off in front of your friends' or 'pipe down'

@chanchito4401 2 года назад

@@chapettewhat5158 It's more like telling someone to go and reassess their attitude and stop being a jerk.

@nicholasjones7312 2 года назад

“Are you taking the piss” was misquoted by a Spanish exchange student we had working with us in the office. She said “Are you taking my piss” 🤢🤣

@GavTatu 2 года назад

and said in her accent would have been so much better.

@dannyderain9670 2 года назад

Welcome to North East :)

@davidcramb5793 2 года назад

I once heard a lady with Special Needs use the classic "lick my arse", when she gave someone the finger. Everyone knew exactly what she meant, especially the "dickhead" who had insulted her 🤣

@Plentisaki 2 года назад

If somebody is nervous about something it could be said that 'He's as nervous as a nun at a penguin shoot'!

@markg780 2 года назад

One of my favourites is …… your like a lighthouse in the desert, you may be bright but your no fucking use to anyone. 😁👍

@sfjnet 2 года назад

I haven't laughed so much in ages as when Alana was reeling off the insults one after another. I'm a Canadian who's lived in the UK for 30+ years and I have to admit I use most of these regularly!

@darrenleiberman6250 2 года назад

I've always had a soft spot for 'You couldn't organise a shag in a brothel' and it's close cousin 'You couldn't organise a piss-up in a brewery' such poetry. Keep up to the good work. 😁

@Forestgravy90 10 месяцев назад

Couldn't organise an organisation in an organisation class for training organisations to organise

@steviebudden3397 2 года назад

The ones I like: They fell out of the ugly tree and hit every branch on the way down. Couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery. They were out of the room/behind the door/at the back of the queue when brains were being handed out. Couldn't find his own arse with both hands and a map.

@mannyhoward2353 2 года назад

My favourite I've heard to describe a gnarly looking bloke is "He looks like a bulldog licking piss off a nettle".

@maxplanck9055 2 года назад

Alanna has definitely lived in a pub since arriving in Britain,her knowledge is too advanced!💗👍🇬🇧

@nrbudgen 2 года назад

Churchill was a gold mine for insults. Another one was: Churchill was in the lavatory (washroom/bathroom) in the House of Commons and his secretary knocked on the door and said "Excuse me Prime Minister, but the Lord Privy Seal wishes to speak with you." After a pause, Churchill replied "Tell his Lordship: I'm sealed on the privy and can only deal with one shit at a time."

@andyf4292 25 дней назад

if we're insulting you, we like you.... if we're polite. run

@tigs5354 Год назад

"If tha brains were dynamite tha woudn't have enough to blow tha bloody cap off" - one of my favourites from Yorkshire.😁

@RedDevil_Joe 2 года назад

“Who’s running it?” Mark. “Mark!? He couldn’t run a bath”. There’s variations of that sort of one too lol

@Wolf-Rayet_Arthur 2 года назад

... a pissup in a brewery ... a nursery in a brothel ... a shovel in a shithouse Yep. There are many

@DronedLove 2 года назад

"Couldn't hit water if he fell out of a boat" is a personal favourite. As is cockwomble.

@Rob.S 2 года назад

A condescending insult similar to “threw his toys out of the pram” is he “spit his dummy out”

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

That's a good one!

@grantsclassicsongs8122 2 года назад

In Australia we would say, "He's having a dummy spit"

@zeee149 2 года назад

or 'Threw the toys out of the pram'

@johnhendry6636 2 года назад

"As helpful, as a fart in a spacesuit"

@jamesblackwell2067 2 года назад

"ya got more chance of nailing a bubble to the wall, pal" - theres another one for you!

@contactlight8079 2 года назад

This one is rather coarse, apologies..As a kid in the 70s I came home from school after getting in to a fight with another child. I told my Dad who knew the kid and he said " Don't worry about that little prick, the best bit of him dribbled down his mother legs." Without doubt the best insult I have ever heard.

@ala0284 2 года назад

Honestly as a Brit I always assumed half of these were in common use throughout the Anglosphere... this has enlightened me to the unique diversity of insults we have available

@christinebarnes9102 Месяц назад

You make a better door than a window, when someone is standing in front of you so that you can't see something.

@georgefoster8133 2 года назад

"Slower than a week in jail" is a personal favourite 😂

@532bluepeter1 2 года назад

One of my favourites that fits into the standard format is, "As much use as an ashtray on a motorbike".

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

😂

@SaharaGadge 2 года назад

Now, THIS is my level!! 👍 Can't believe you missed out cock-womble, jizz-weazle, gobshite, twat and wank-puffin... 😂 The BBC comedy "Bluestone 42" has some particularly creative swearing in it too... Not sure if it's still on iPlayer but well worth a watch. Also, find myself uttering "wind your neck in", "have a word with yourself" and "what a ball-ache" quite a lot. Especially at work! For the "as much use as...", "a screen door on a submarine", "condom machine in the Vatican" and "an ashtray on a motorcycle" always make me chuckle. I love the endless variety of insults we manufacture in the UK! Makes me proud of my country... 😂 🇬🇧

@glazersout4272 Месяц назад

My dad used to say... "As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition..."

@damienoneill4355 2 года назад

Hilarious. "Who rattled your cage" is a fav of mine

@tsrgoinc 2 года назад

My personal favourites are “They have a face like a smacked arse” and “you piss in the wind”

@josephb7863 2 года назад

You look like you dropped a pound and found a penny 🤨

@MeFreeBee 2 года назад

Also "Face like a bag of spanners"

@fourthdrawerdown6297 2 года назад

I have also heard: ‘ a face like a welders bench’ and ‘ a face like a burglars dog’.

@afpwebworks 2 года назад

My only Australian contribution to this highly entertaining discussion: “A face like a dropped pie”

@g8ymw Месяц назад

Face like a half chewed Lion bar

@matc6221 2 года назад

Alanna saying WANKER, 🤣😁😂🤣 My sides . Gurl that's awesome 👏

@Bigsigh24 2 года назад

This was hilarious. One of my personal favs; " as much use as a barb wire toilet roll". Everyone has that nano second of wincing as they process the comment.

@julesjwg 2 года назад

I love that you nailed the fact that we can use exactly the same insult and phrase both in an 'endearing' way with friends/people we know well and actually as a proper insult...we get extremely creative throwing insults when we are driving and there's absolutely nothing endearing about how we mean it 😂

@thetwohundred5213 2 года назад

I've always liked the Darwinian term 'wank stain' when describing someone's usefulness to mankind.

@mittfh 2 года назад

"Take a long walk off a short pier." Then a few decades ago, a couple of writers were working on a space based sitcom, and they felt given the situation, the characters would likely swear. The slight hitch was that it was to be broadcast before the "watershed", when there are strict limits on swearing and "adult" content. Their workaround was to devise their own: smeg (not to be confused with an Italian domestic appliances manufacturer) - which also gave rise to the show's general purpose insult: Smeg head.

@SteveParkes-Sparko 2 года назад

I always felt uncomfortable whenever they said that - 'cos it actually sounds like 'smegma' which is something disgusting!

@nigel7277 2 года назад

@@SteveParkes-Sparko It was supposed to

@SteveParkes-Sparko 2 года назад

@@nigel7277 in that case, they didn't really make it up, did they?

@lorddarlo6194 2 года назад

Red Wharf absolute Classic

@phildavison319 2 года назад

"As popular as a turd in a swimming pool" or "As popular as a fart in a spacesuit".

@ilovevegimite 2 года назад

'as thick as two short planks' is another one

@douglastobor7718 2 года назад

When you bleeped out your favourites...”I laughed my bollocks off”....well said Alanna.😆👍😆

@sivikasi 2 года назад

Blackadder: “He’s about as effective as a cat flap in an elephant house”. As a southerner living in Liverpool my favourite here is “he’s such a biff”, similar to “prat”. PS: gotta love some Malcolm Tucker. Plus British Alanna breaks my brain, but in a good way.

@loquayrocks 2 года назад

Bif is a shortened version of the Irish "Biffo" which means "Big ignorant fucker from Offaly" which former Irish Taoiseach Brian Cowan was often called (he was from Offaly)

@RobFarley74 2 года назад

About as useful as a handbrake on a boat

@hughtube5154 2 года назад

Are you saying Alanna's twisting your melon, man?

@sivikasi 2 года назад

@@hughtube5154 yup, should probably just chill m' bean

@martinclegg8536 2 года назад

"Bif" long antedates Brian Cowan; it refers to the condition spina bifida. I never heard it used to insult an actual disabled person; it was used to an able-bodied person as a general insult with the sense of "prat" or "idiot". Similar was "spaz", from "spastic". Do people still say these, they're so un-PC?

@jayrdee8542 2 года назад

I like using 'pranny', 'twonk', 'moose' and 'don't get out of your pram' (which means calm down. It comes from children getting out of their pram to throw a hissy fit).

@reckley 2 года назад

Did you have Billy big bollocks? It means someone who is acting tougher than they actually are. "Don't come over here, having a go all Billy big bollocks!"

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

Ahhh I forgot that one!

@xneurianx 2 года назад

I don't know how true this is for Canadians, but a lot of people are a bit shocked at how much the British swear; specifically how casually we are happy to drop C bombs at each other, with a suffix as an adjective, to describe inanimate objects or just as an expletive when you stub your toe etc. etc. We really are extremely foul mouthed. I think it's wonderful, personally!

@hughfranklin3072 2 года назад

Research says people that swear a lot have a big vocabulary, not sure if that's true but if it is my vocabulary must be mahoosive.

@jrd33 2 года назад

It really does vary a lot though. I know people who swear very rarely or only mildly, and people who really don't like it when other people swear around them.

@loquayrocks 2 года назад

you could call someone a Berk which is cockney rhyming slang "Berkshire Hunt" In Australia, the "C" word is used as a term of affection!

@RatKindler 2 года назад

I'm Canadian and I rarely hear swearing in public here where I am. People are generally considerate of others' sensitivities. By contrast, I went to New York and was shocked at how much public swearing went on. Never heard anything like that in other parts of the US or Canada.

@rebeccasimantov5476 2 года назад

I'm Australian and can confirm that we also swear heaps!!

@davidjones332 2 года назад

"Daft as a brush" has also long been popular in the North, but "thick as two short planks" and "daft as a box of frogs" are equally useful. I like "three tokens short of a pop-up toaster".

@nicholasjones7312 2 года назад

I Welsh there is something similar, which translates as “daft as a wheelbarrow”!

@zouzou8970 2 года назад

😂

@cogidubnus1953 2 года назад

A rather crude one, but "thick as pigshit" always comes easily to my lips...

@Will-nn6ux 2 года назад

Daft as a brush with two hairs on.

@zapkvr 2 года назад

A few cans short of a six pack.

@magicknight8412 5 дней назад

"That went down like a cup of sick/lead balloon" when someone reacts badly to something you tell them.

@greyman3515 2 года назад

The happiest I have ever been having someone throw insults at me for 9 minutes. You really are mastering life in the UK.

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

😂

@Davey-Boyd 2 года назад

Hearing Alanna swear and insult with a Canadian accent makes me very happy. If she insulted me I would die laughing. Great video!

@marvinc9994 2 года назад

"makes me very happy" What would Alana's taking part in a wet t-shirt competition (for charity, naturally) do for you, then ? Golly gosh...................................;-)

@rthompsn2007 2 года назад

@@marvinc9994 Don't be rude, dude.

@gib666 2 года назад

@@rthompsn2007 Well said.

@richard6440 2 года назад

@@rthompsn2007 Don't be rude, dude......... agreed , using language like golly gosh in front of a lady , disgusting. :)

@nickshale6926 2 года назад

A personal favourite for someone who gets overly emotional or couldn’t handle a situation: ‘Went to bits quicker than a leper in a wind tunnel’

@exileinderby51 2 года назад

I absolutely love that one, I've never heard it before,

@wolflair3329 2 года назад

That's brilliant. I'm gonna use it

@notreallydavid 2 года назад

lovely

@mentalmendes9367 2 года назад

Oh, thank you, I have never heard that one before, that is one to remember when management are running around like headless chicken when something has gone wrong at work.

@IMBlakeley 2 месяца назад

I used to try an sneak a similar

@benspinks342 2 года назад

Love “40 watt”, and the Harry Enfield throwback, “Tim nice but dim”. In a conversation when you’re trying to get someone in charge it’s always fun to start with, “I’d like to speak to the organ grinder please, not the monkey” 😬.

@davidpowell8249 2 года назад

"Joy hoover" - someone who is depressing/sucks the joy out of the room.

@MyName-bi4pt 2 года назад

They say fun vacuum in America.

@raingram 2 года назад

See also: "energy vampire"

@mikesomerset6338 2 года назад

Have you noticed how polite Canadians sound even when they are trying to sound insulting.

@Daniel-pp3jt 2 года назад

When you put them all in a list like this I can't deny that we do have a lot of great insults.

@blakeguyan2662 2 года назад

also, you can use these to create complete sentences to tell people off: "go on then, sod off, leave me here like billy no mates.."

@okiwatashi2349 2 года назад

“You think you’re a big man, but a wee shirt fits ye!”

@alanmills9492 2 года назад

"Blimey, guv, she said wanker."

@martincook9795 2 года назад

“If he had a brain, he’d-be dangerous” Or as Billy Connolly said on Parkinson - “as useful as a fart in a spaceship”

@ftumschk 2 года назад

I think Connolly said "about as welcome as a fart in a space-suit", but I could be wrong.

@simonesugar7363 2 года назад

@@ftumschk you're right, I remember the other guests crying with laughter (I think it was either Mary or Barbara Woodhouse)

@martincook9795 2 года назад

@ftumschk: I stand corrected, and @Simone Sugarwasn’t one of them Angie Dickinson ( police woman )

@peebee143 2 года назад

He has: All the tact & subtlety of a pirate boarding party. She has: All the grace & charm of a road accident.

@Dunkster23 2 года назад

I love calling people a “donut” or a “silly sausage” here in Canada. I get the strangest looks. Hearing this made me particularly homesick. Great videos as usual!

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

Ahh silly sausage is a good one! Forgot that

@theodavis4083 2 года назад

Mainly a London thing but you can refer to an attractive woman as a 'sausage' as in tasty, fanciable etc. Not a silly sausage though, that would be silly.

@rheostar 2 года назад

There’s some rhyming slang phrases that are quite useful, “He’s a bit of a James Hunt” springs to mind. 😉

@ExpendableRedshirt 2 года назад

Actually, that is also the supposed origin of the insult "berk" short for Berkshire hunt! So a "wise" man in a pub once told me.

@rheostar 2 года назад

@@ExpendableRedshirt that’s probably right. I can remember my father saying someone was ‘a bit of berk’ many years before James Hunt became famous.

@simonpowell2559 2 года назад

"Smells like a Richard the third"

@alanknuss1241 2 года назад

Going for a pony (pony and trap, cr*p)

@heathcotepursuit8 2 года назад

There are so many ways of calling someone's intelligence into question - 'He's about as bright as a two watt bulb' is one that always made me smile, though this may be fast becoming old fashioned due to the phasing out of traditional lightbulbs !

@howey935 2 года назад

I like the lights are on but no one is home

@allenjenkins7947 2 года назад

There's an older version of that among ex-service men and women "Dim as a NAAFI candle."

@louiem2 2 года назад

"Billy no mates" is a classic 🤣 Others: "You're a sandwich short of a picnic" "Face like a slapped arse" "Bullet"

@radamspse 2 года назад

"Nigel no friends " is another take on Billy.......

@billmayor8567 2 года назад

“what a tosspot”.”He/ she would start a fight in an empty room”.”go take a jump”.If he had two brain cells ,he would be dangerous “😂😂

@19Paul91 2 года назад

I like the phrases, "couldn't organise a piss up in a brewery" or "Couldn't organise a prayer in a mosque" for people who are incompetent.

@darrenmilo9565 2 года назад

My dad used to say “if brains were chocolate, you wouldn’t have enough to fill a smartie” which was effective and also similar to the chocolate teapot there are “as useful as an ashtray on a motorcycle” I enjoy your obvious delight at these phrases more than the phrases themselves. Keep the observations coming, yours, Billy no mates 😆

@Rockdoc2174 2 года назад

In a similar vein : if brains were dynamite you couldn't blow your hat off.

@darrenmilo9565 2 года назад

@@Rockdoc2174 😂

@KenFullman 6 месяцев назад

@@Rockdoc2174There's also "If brains were taxable you'd get a rebate"

@chapettewhat5158 2 года назад

Another excellent phrase 'As randy as a dog in an artificial leg factory'

@pashvonderc381 2 года назад

“ I’ve seen more fat on a chip “ 👍😂😂😂

@James130141 2 года назад

I've seen more fat on a bone dice.

@reggy_h Год назад

"I've seen more fat on a butchers pencil". Used to common around here.

@cathygillies7271 2 года назад

Some Canadian insults -- 'one brick short of a load' 'crazy as a bag of hammers' 'as sticky as sh....' 'what a hoser' (for some reason many of our insults have to do with hockey)

@jodyv2783 2 года назад

“Bellend” is always a good one 😂

@ftumschk 2 года назад

One from childhood in the S. Wales valleys: "He's got the skin of his arse on his forehead" (meaning "He's in a grumpy mood")

@SaharaGadge 2 года назад

Forgot about "he's as thick as mince"! Also, the other day, someone pointed out the damage to the paintwork on my car and I said it had "more chips than a fat bloke's dinner plate". I was quite proud of that one... 😂

@nickjeffery536 2 года назад

Many years ago, I worked with a young lady from Ukraine, who had married a Brit, and whose personal favourite English word was "Numpty" - it sounded really weird, but kinda interesting, in her accent!

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

I love numpty! A lot of fun to say, too

@jamesdowling9759 2 года назад

As useful as a handbrake on a canoe is personal favourite of mine.

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

😂

@pauldrake8990 2 года назад

Or a trap door in a canoe!

@DCMamvcivmEvony 2 года назад

God tier, Boris Johnson at the London assembly as mayor of London and once again in parliament, "Great supine protoplasmic invertebrate jellies!" Aka they have no backbone. 😂😂

@alansevern290 2 года назад

One of my favourite insults to demonstrate how utterly useless someone is, is "you're about as much use as a eunuch in a brothel" 😂

@10pmixupuk65 2 года назад

One of my favourites is: he/she "couldn't find his/her arse with both hands!"

@davidknight9758 2 года назад

Oh I love that one. I think I first heard it in a Terry Pratchett book. I wonder if he came to with it.

@katfoster845 2 года назад

Couldn't find his arse with both hands and a map.

@NicholasTristram 2 года назад

One my dad used frequently... 'your as useful as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition'.

@Rosie6857 2 года назад

@@NicholasTristram Couldn't hit a cow's arse with a banjo, for the athletically challenged.

@GemDotThirteen 2 года назад

Hahahahaha... that was amazing 😂😂😂 This is why we can't start swear jars in the UK, people get too creative with their insults! 😂

@user-sx9wc3ie7e 2 года назад

Hello, how are you? I found your name and I follow the Canadian news by chance and I wanted to talk to you because I like the culture and life there very much and maybe we can be friends and I wait for your reply with all due respect

@fourthdrawerdown6297 2 года назад

My Dad would sometimes describe a person as being ‘ like a fart in a trance’ and he once said that the broadcaster Simon Mayo did not have two brains to rub together. My favourite is f**kwit. I have also heard that adding the word ‘ virgin ‘ at the end of your insult makes a comeback even more difficult.

@hassanmahmood3591 2 года назад

"You're about as useful as a split condom" is my favourite🤣

@chrisis6 2 года назад

In Scotland there's a convention of typing phonetically to convey the accent giving us such gems as Bawbag which has the added benefit of defeating most profanity filters.

@eadweard. 2 года назад

It's like that is it fannybaws?

@Isleofskye 2 года назад

I don't know what you are saying but it sounds mighty saucy...

@eadweard. 2 года назад

@@Isleofskye Is that said to the dictionary man?

@Isleofskye 2 года назад

@@eadweard. Plagiarism at its finest, Sir :) You are spot-on, my friend. by Hugh Laurie's character...

@Forest_Fifer 2 года назад

@@eadweard. awa' and take yer face for a shite... 😉

@ianrudd7442 2 года назад

On a similar theme ‘as much use as a chocolate fireguard’ is one of my most used.

@adrianstafford321 2 года назад

Or ashtray on a motorbike. Stay safe, 😎❤✌

@robclaridge6236 2 года назад

As much use as Anne Franks drum kit. I know it's wrong, but it always gets the most awkward of laughs. How delightful to hear you swear too. Loved it lol.

@hairyairey 2 года назад

I had to think about that one for ages!

@TheDaveBarlow 2 дня назад

As much use as a one legged man in an arse kicking competition

@philwestwater5020 2 года назад

In the UK all these insults are just part of daily routine, no one thinks twice about them, but listening to you describing them is hilarious and makes me appreciate how good we are at the art of insults, using such diverse vocabulary.

@neilfletcher3868 2 года назад

This made me laugh, and I remember one of me gran’s, “He’s too tight to part with the fart off his arse”. it’s rude I guess, but always brings a smile to me face..!! 😂

@AdventuresAndNaps 2 года назад

oh my god 😂

@neilfletcher3868 2 года назад

@@AdventuresAndNaps To which your reply should of course be... “Aye, he’s as tight as a duck’s arse, and that’s watertight...!! “. Probably best done in a Northern accent though..!! 😂

@jonmccormick602 2 года назад

In the days pre-decimalisation (yes, I do remember that far back…), “tuppence short of a shilling” was a popular insult. Quite frankly, “wanker” does it for me…indeed, I used it only this morning to a gentleman on the phone who told me he was from Microsoft and that I had a virus on my PC…”piss off, you scamming wanker!” Great video, Alanna, keep ‘em coming!

@herewardthewake1 2 года назад

Referring to someone who doesn't understand (being a bit dim) 'the lights are on but there's nobody home'.

@darrenq 2 года назад

A long time ago when I worked at Safeways I tricked one of the manager’s to ask on the store announcement system if there is a ‘Wayne Kerr’ in the store and could they please come to the front by the checkouts. I couldn’t believe it when he did it. Strangely I didn’t last long there after that.

@simonesugar7363 2 года назад

it must be something about Gateways/Safeways, pranks in store when I worked there after school were:- sending someone to the store manager for a long weight. (manager had a sense of humour told him to wait there and left him standing outside the office for 10 mins), a new employee on the deli counter was told to sharpen the cheese wires, they even sent one lad out to sweep the skip!

@allenjenkins7947 2 года назад

Almost as bad as looking for Mike Hunt.

@simonnewby1215 2 года назад

"Thicker than a whale omelette" "Walloper" - love this from our Scottish cousins

@andybennett3964 Месяц назад

As its summer now, how about "wetter than an otters pocket" you may have to ask about that one.🤭

@raybenstead2548 Месяц назад

Tighter than a ducks arse.

@geoffwheadon2897 2 года назад

I've used this many a time, referring to watching women park, whilst leaning on my jack hammer, talking to a copper, "couldn't poke a stick up a dogs arse", talk about the laughing policeman, hahaha.best regards from County Durham England