Your Path Away From Narcissistic Trauma 

After 46 years of losing me , its not gonna be easy to be the real me again but I will be step by step.

Dr Carter ☀️ I didn’t have you while I was growing up in a heavily toxic household, but I have you now. 💃 Thank you for your time, effort, wisdom and care. ❤️ ☮️

When i couldn't find myself, I found a picture of me when i was little girl and I knew right then and there that i wanted her back! I cried and searched far and wide and I found her!❤

'Fall in love with taking care of yourself. Fall in love with the path of deep healing. Fall in love with becoming the best version of yourself but with patience, with compassion and respect to your own journey.' - S. McNutt

I’m choosing to start a new life completely narc free. It’s so hard- they took almost everything from me. I lost my business that I worked so hard to create. I lost all of my personal belongings, and my car was repossessed. My small child and I are moving into a motel tomorrow. We will make it- I am breaking this horrific cycle of abuse for her no matter what. She deserves a happy childhood and a chance to have the life of her dreams. None of that is possible with a narc hurting us.

I'm going to have to deal with a situation... My first words will be..."when you are ready to show decency, respect, and civility, we can talk"

This really spoke to me! When you said, "You don't have to go toe to toe and blow to blow." This just happened to me. I know better. I know to walk away and not stand there and take the gaslighting and controlling behavior. I know exactly what this is and I fell for it YET again. Today, I feel exhausted and all the things I want for myself (the peace) flew out the window. I don't want to fight about what it is I believe and I shouldn't have to stand there and take abuse from someone who couldn't care less about how I feel or what I believe. It's baby steps, I guess..

At 60 yrs old I had to go No Contact with my entire "family." I realized that the level of dysfunction and toxicity would NEVER change. That I would NEVER get from my Mother what I had begged for my whole life. Love.

Indicators of Trauma Bonding: Ongoing control battles Heavy defenses on both sides Too much appeasement, suppression (of emotions) Ongoing secrets… on both sides Chronic undertow of anger Individualize your efforts in your path away from the narcissist (Who am I?) 1. “I have a separate, distinct self” 2. Live into your freedom 3. Identify the trends that have held you back 4. Identify your better healthy alternatives 5. Come to terms with the narcissist’s contributions 6. Go back to your basics (What do I stand for?) Reminders for the journey: Replace “I lost myself” with “I love who I am” Be patient with yourself Refrain from defending yourself Check your propensity toward cynicism Encourage others with similar experiences It’s ok if you are triggered in your emotions Carve out time to find peace Find the courage to be true to yourself Your true self baffles their false self

Flying under the radar is the term I used for many years to make it until my twins graduated from college. I knew I had no say in anything and expecting to be heard wasn’t an option. I did it all for my twins. Chronic trauma bonding sadly doesn’t disappear, I hope the triggers will be fewer and farther apart. On good days, I feel alive. Thank you as always for being a voice for all of us.

Because I have no exit strategy due to financial constraints, I am gray rocking my narc spouse. It isn't easy because I have no voice and cannot express my opinions, but I am in therapy, which helps, and I journal about my frustrations, resentments, and bitterness.

I stood up to my elderly mother last night. She was trying to bully and gaslight me into doing something foolish. When I was younger i allowed her to intimidate me. I told her now I wont let her bully me anymore. She hated it, verbally abused me quite viciously. But my conscience was clear. Her request was irrationalm Finally I had the courage to say NO. Thank you Doctor Les! Learning each day from you, making progress each day! So great!! 😃 Writing a journal helps me document my progress. My parents never affirmed or validated me ever. So, I don't know if its ok to say, I am very proud of myself! Is that an ok thing to say? Or, I am pleased with my progress🤔

I think the trauma I've endured has made me leery of people. I'm definitely going to be more careful about any new relationships I may enter into.

I am currently working at my Phd and I have to hide it, because someone thinks it's not good for me and a selfish thing 😂

My own path away was a result of non-resistance. It featured me being who I am and not being bullied into reacting like someone I was not. I enjoyed the onset of peace, even though I was presented with turmoil. I would not fight, for that takes two. The most exasperation I ever got was when I would simply smile at the antics. I noticed, but said nothing.

It was so unfortunate that in my marriage to a narc, of 20 years, I had an affair. Looking back on it, it was all due to the abuse, me losing my mind and needing to be loved. But I didn't know, until after the brief affair, that it would only bring me down worse, as that wasn't love, either. I am sure this must be what happens to many, and it brings a host of all types of problems to an already bad situation. I just want to warn others, that if you are wanting to leave the narc, stay away from other involvements until you heal from the abusive situation you are in. The constant loneliness is horrible to deal with, and the depression drags you down so low. You live in fear of not being able to financially make it, especially with children. It took years and years to get somewhat on my feet. The struggles were so difficult. You have to still raise your kids, keep a roof over your head and food on the table. No one is there to applaud your efforts. You have to be all, and do all, by yourself. It was all so traumatizing and the memories will always come back to haunt you. I tried to have other relationships, now it just isn't worth it to try anymore. I won't risk my peace and sanity. I just don't want to trust another to have my best interest at heart. Once you find that peace, that you know life should have, you do guard yourself and cherish what you have for yourself. Sure, the loneliness is always there, but I'm okay with that.

I found radical acceptance to be the way. It was hard. Especially since no contact wasn't and still isn't possible. So I had to do the healing while new attacks were happening. Still, I managed to return to my true self and am happy. They can rage, they can scheme, they can violate my boundaries....it is exhausting sometimes but it doesn't concern me too much. Grey stoning, accepting they will never change...and honestly, a lot has changed since I am treating them with the same attitude I would treat a 3 year old. That way I speak to their (sadly very broken and depressed) inner child. It works. It isn't what I wished for but works way better than trying to speak to them as the 30sth they are...

Let's all 'like' this video & show some love ❤️

She already drained me. But did she? Or did I? This reactive abuse is precisely the reason I feel that I’m the narcissist instead. I’m always “asking permission” to THINK for myself!

It is like trying to escape from a sect

I’ve gone no contact will never ever be his supply again!!!🎉✝️🙏❤️

Excellent Doc! Oh, yeah. Constantly walking on eggshells, appeasing, dealing with dug-in heels/power struggles/win-lose situations, hoping they will grow up and things would get better. They destroy you if you don't call it quits. They aren't worth the effort for the sake of the breadcrumbs they throw you. You become like them: very angry. There gets to be so little reward for trying to sustain a "relationship" with someone who doesn't know how to have an equitable relationship that you no longer enjoy anything about them. You go away feeling very sad and empty. I prefer to spend my time now with friends who show that they value me and my company, and who make me feel I am safe with them.

"I know better than where that narcissist wants to lead me" 😊❤

After 6 unhappy months working in a room with a Bully Lead teacher, finally I revealed to Principal how petty & PUNITIVE this Toxic woman is

Enough is enough! I cut all ties 4 years ago and have not regret that decision for one second. Although I still live in fear, (complex ptsd) I am hugely relieved.

I managed to walk away, eventually, from 2 forms of narcissistic abuse. 1 from my ex husband 18 yrs ago and 1 from my stepfather 4 yrs ago. But the real skill that Dr.C and Team Healthy has taught me is to navigate the wobbly pathway through the rest of my life and make some sense of the past, present and future. I'm still learning. Thank you 🙏

never has this been put so well they want to fill you with who they are

So blessed to find you Dr C just in time. He left and found his wealthy enablers. My life is not financially easy but i am alive and learning. His choices killed him He is now ashes. I'm a Phoenix. And humble to be alive. I have learned so much! Much gratitude. 🌹

"Away from the narcissists trauma bond" Dr C. Words of wisdom and poetry for my soul

(1.) Heavy need for control (2.) Heavily defensive (3.) Way to appeasing (4.) On going secrets (5.) Chronic sense of Anger, Protest, Rebellion , Slurs Individualize (1.) Remind I have a separate self (2.) Declare Freedom (3.) Identify the trends that held you back. (4.) Identify your better self

It was so unhealthy, and I cannot believe I could not see it happening at the time as I was suppressing and compromising to keep relationship. That was NOT relating, it was enabling unhealthy behavior and it troubled my spirit greatly. I was so drained after any conversation. This is so helpful to review our own competence, freedom and capabilities to choose our own pace.

Very difficult when children are involved.

I found that there's several ways to separate. Physically is a great start, 1,000 miles is good. Too far to "be there in a few hours." Caller ID, oh yeah. And mentally. My epiphany was when I saw that mom wanted everything from me, and that trying -- never, ever succeeding -- in meeting her demands would kill me. First my joy, then my reasoning, then my heart, then my life. Very harsh, very obvious, very sad, very necessary. If I were to, had the outrageous audacity to, live my life. And then the many, weary, steps to, as Dr. C says, walk away mentally and emotionally. Many, many times. I doubt that they, parents, ever forgave me. Yet unquestionably, life without them, hobbled and damaged and all, has been so much better than it would have been with them. I weary of the work. But would not do differently. Thank you Dr. C, for your kind and wise work. There's a lot to do.

It's so hard to discover you have an alternative path when you were born into a trauma bond. Bless you and thank you for your work. Hugs to Gus xxx

I am committed to being my best me.

Hey Gus. I chose to rest today too.🍀S

Thank you Doctor ❤ Wrote down every word!!! I’ve been five months no contact from a sociopath I was with for six months. Worst six months of my life and I realize the trauma bond happened just two weeks after I met him. Most disgusting human being I’ve ever met. Thank you for your work! Much appreciated ❤ I’m Free and FREE TO BE ME!!!

I am making my own new path. I am enjoying my simpler, more peaceful life. I am no longer in her control games and defenses. I no longer need to prove, rationalize, and justify myself. I can just be.

I had a daughter come back into my life only to have her clearly reveal her extreme narcissistic nature pretty dern quickly. I was done. And she was done with me. It amazes me to hear, in the likes of this video from wonderful Dr. C, there are apparently so many narc victims who never learned to be strong within themselves. I hope each and every one wakes up and becomes the person hidden away within. Many blessings ❤‍🔥

Dr Les. Do extreme narcissits actually enjoy hurting people. There's vindictivness, but then theres literal enjoyment or pleasure from the idea of or even actually harming others? Particularly those who refuse them.

I figured out the narc in my life and she knows it. Therefore we talk about the weather and simple things I have to give her credit for stopping drugs and alcohol still I don't trust her bc of how she lied about me and raged at me and took advantage of me in the past.....mutual truce is where we are

Thank you Dr Carter for your help and guidance.

I'm going to buy a notebook, I need to write these steps & start saving so I can get away. If I had the funds I'd already been gone.

I have been in an environment which felt like a group of beasts growling and grunting and seething with anger and if I had gotten myself into that place, somehow they will all attack me!!!.. And direct their anger for each other towards me 🤢just because they could! Narcissistic abuse and behavior has so many faces and it's nauseous when it's coming from the family. It's so sofisticated

I like how you not only identify with the damage created by the narcissist but you also offer actual plans and suggestions

Dr.Carter, I love your sense of humor & truth & knowledge & wisdom. You're a really good instructor. Thank you kind sir!

Surviving situations & relationships with narcissists is literally impossible without these incredibly powerful healers like Doctor C, I’m here to stay and I cannot tell you the positive changes that have occurred in my life since I found you doc, my gratitude is unending🙏

Thanks Dr C! Very helpful, as I am in the middle of “ next gen Narcissism.” May I be true to myself 🙏🏼💪🏼❤️

I love watching your podcasts! Thank you for helping me understand NPD. I needed you for the last three years. Two years were trying to understand what I was dealing with and a year of healing.

“Be an ambassador for good” YES! That is EXACTLY what I attempt to do. EXACTLY what I choose as a response to this whole experience! Add goodness to this world to combat all the evil. ✝️

Trauma bonding feels like an addiction. It's all I've ever known so it's been hard to finally kick the habit of returning to the cycle of abuse.

Thank you, Dr. C! Have a wonderful weekend!

Thank you so much. My son was diagnosed with narcissism. I had to break up with him. After many years of humiliating me (and his father). It makes me sad that it had to come to this but I have the support of my personal therapist. Your videos help me a lot.

Thank you for helping me through Dr. I'm 2 years removed from the coworker who made my life so dark. I still listen to you to gain from your wisdom, I'm in a great place physically and emotionally now. Thank you

What happens Doctor Carter 🥰 when it's a whole bunch of Narcissistists helping each other-?(narcissism is contagious and there are families who are narcissistic. . .)

I am 59 years old. I hope that at some point I can get over having a narcissistic mother.

Staying in any relationship with a narcissist is a formula for disaster. Thank you for your cool, calm and collected wisdom dr Carter 😊 God bless you ❤

I can’t like this video enough. This is one of the best videos I have ever watched.

Mental healthcare and my therapist told me that my Ex is mentally ill.

Thank you so much for your wisdom, Dr. Carter. My ideas around an "ideal" relationship and my anger and sense of betrayal keep me attached to the narcissist. But on good days, I feel a real sense of dignity and calm. The desperation to confront is almost gone. That's peace.

It's so strange that my narc wanted me to be responsible by raising our daughter, taking care of the house, and paying the bills. He wanted to be busy while he was still controlling and along as I was doing things his way. When I would veer away he would be angry and and throw a temper tantram.

I have a favorite song from the movie Harriet. Stand up! Let me lead my people to the other side. I love it. The greater good and a sense of ME.

They have attached an Apple AirTag to my vehicle and call up the store, pharmacy, etc and smear me, providing that tiny bit of believe-ability that so many are willing to act on.

I wish so much I could do online therapy, I need to talk to someone so bad with what I'm experiencing, So many times I needed it.

I did not have you when I was a child or when I literally married into a similar situation without the physical abuse just the mental abuse that I am currently still in. You have made all the difference in the world to me. Today was a Godsend as I was in the middle of everything you brought up. Thank you for all you do!❤ I cannot thank you enough as I continue on my path!❤

"Be an ambassador for good." Thank you for video 📹 Dr. C. Hi Gus, 🧡x 🦴 🐕 🐾🐾 🧡o

As I watched this video I realized I just watched something that very well might be life-saving advice for me right now... Thank you, Dr. Carter, for taking the time to offer help to those of us who have "lost ourselves"... your videos have become so important in my life.

I have lost myself but am going to find my way back. Your videos are more than life giving Doc and I am so grateful to you. Never mind having all the usual feelings of resentment and bitterness I was starting to feel hatred and that scared me a lot. Get home after my chemotherapy session, lying down for a bit and get barked at "what's for dinner?" It was pure hatred I felt in my heart. I had lost who I was. Now I feel really sorry for my poor husband who is a hypochondriac anyway as he let's me know almost every day that he thinks he's also got cancer. Darn it, it would almost be funny if it wasn't so pathetic. Thank you, thank you so much for sharing with all of us and literally saving us. God bless you and keep you safe ❤

Dr. C.....I say Thank you once more. I just got through listening to this wonderfully helpful video. I continue to heal One Day At A Time.. As you spoke of hoping that we who are in recovery I was praying for the very attributes that you spoke of. Being an encourager to others and restoring ourselves to our original selves before the Narcissist showed up in our lives. Remembering how being happy felt and joyful. Looking forward to each new day. I can finally do that again. And that required patience with myself and taking myself out from under the microscope. Accepting me with flaws, warts and all. Thank you again...I love your positive encouraging attitude. Moving forward with a SMILE in North Carolina.

Thanks Dr. C, my spouse and I decided to sell the house, pack up our belongings, put the pets in the car, drive across the country and fly us all to Hawaii. This took 6 months of planning and we arrived four days ago. Fresh start and clean slate away from Narc’s and abusive family. We decided this was the best course of action, to be in a place that makes us both happy and carve out a life we both want for each other. Here’s to the next 30-40 years!

I have been listening to Dr C for a few years and in each video he always manages to say something new !

All of your videos are powerful and enlightening, but this one is SO ESSENTIAL and VITAL! THANK YOU for all of your work and your commitment to growing TEAM HEALTHY. I - and so many others - are so grateful!

Losing my overbearings and finding my bearings! Thanks Dr. Carter! ☺️

I am so blessed to be the benefactor, the inheritor of such goodness, and knowledge shared from our Dr. C. I'm so grateful to you for sharing your work. Hey, Team Healthy give a listen to "Feel Like This", a song by Ingrid Andres....there is hope!

Thank you Dr Carter for this hope-filled video with lots of practical suggestions. I really appreciate your empathy and understanding, here in this video, and in many others.

He chases you, approaching you like an attacker at every turn. One cannot be on RU-vid without having to deal with this person. Yes, sometimes one laugh, one is considerate, one withdraw from all social networks, one has only RU-vid, and he is still there. I thought one might as well consider this person as any other being nice as it would not affect but he drowns his presence. I do not know this man personally and I am sorry to see this creature crawling like an injured beast, everywhere and all the time.

Now it makes sense. I've watched a fair few videos but this one explains it the best. So a trauma bond is not just someone traumatised in order to make them obey and stay (something similar to Stockholm syndrome or something), but also having instinctive and traumatically induced anger and resentment toward the narcissist. I definitely have a few individuals who have induced this in me, and my intuition was correct all along!

Thank you Dr. C for helping me to identify and understand the narcissist in my family. I broke free 7 years ago and didn't understand why... I only knew I needed distance to heal. Understanding trauma bonding is a game changer. Bless you for the guidance you freely offer. Cheers.

I need to come back to this video everyday for a while. After 10 years my covert narcissist wife is leaving me. I should be overjoyed but the trauma is all I can focus on. I put more than everything I had into the relationship only to be discarded for some new guy so easily. Its devastating to say the least at times.

Hi Dr. Carter. I wish I had had this teaching in 2022. That's when my caregiver was giving me the blues in a very subtle form. I sensed we were in a power struggle. Then in 2022, December came the discard. She did not even want me to bless her with any severance pay. It was pretty brutal when she dumped me. And I still struggle with the ramifications of searching for another caregiver. Going forward I will remember these clues you have taught her. In addition I am in therapy. The best to you and Gus.

My notes (not necessarily direct quotes): 1:30 The narcissist wants you to think that they stand for what is normal. In the process, you wind up losing yourself. 1:40 I want to talk about some things that would indicate that you are in a trauma bond with a narcissist. 2:10 Narcissists have a heavy need for control. There are ongoing control battles. You are too strongly in their grasp. Narcissists are heavily defensive. As a result, you wind up being heavily defensive too. Part of their defense is a strategic offense in which they come at you with shaming statements. You wind up justifying who you are. That's not natural or healthy, but when in an ongoing relationship with a narcissist, that becomes part of their normalizing process with you. You find yourself being way too appeasing. You suppress much of your own emotion and legitimacy. There are elements of secrets on both sides. Narcissists have things about themselves that they don't want you to know, such as behaviors and their life history. There is a chronic sense of anger. There are smears. 4:20 All of these ingredients go into the relationship and become the norm. I'm hoping there comes a time when you decide this is crazy and don't want it to be your standard of living. To take a path away from the narcissist's trauma bond, you are going to need to learn to individualize your own personal efforts and decide who you are going to be despite what this narcissistic individual says you are supposed to be. 5:05 There are 6 steps I'm going to walk you through. It involves your thought process, which will lead to behavioral and communication adjustments. Break free. Make your own path away from that narcissist. 5:20 FIRST - Remind yourself, "I have a separate and distinct self." That is so essential because the narcissist wants to drain you of yourself. They want to fill you. "I don't have to be what the narcissist says I'm supposed to be." 5:50 SECOND - Declare within yourself, and live into, the whole notion of freedom. "I have the freedom to be who I am." "I don't have to filter my thoughts and decisions through the narcissist." "I don't have to live according to their fixed agenda that they keep reminding me of over and over." "I don't have to ask them permission to be what I am." 6:40 THIRD - Identify the trends that have held you back from becoming your separate self. You don't have to participate in defending yourself. 7:10 FOUR - Identify your better, healthy alternatives. "Who am I? What do I stand for? What do I believe? What are my priorities? What are my values? What are my standards?" Then, lean into that. "I'm going to decide that if the narcissist chooses to be angry, that's on them. I don't feel the need to go toe-to-toe with them." (MY NOTE: Their anger is INTENDED to provoke a response. Don't give it to them.) If the narcissist says something that is harsh and mean, don't plead your case. Determine, "I am who I am. I know what my alternatives are. I'm not going to let that unhealthy person establish my pace emotionally." (MY NOTE: The desire to match pace is about a desire to connect. It is not a good idea to try to connect with a narcissist, particularly when they are trying to manipulate you into connecting in a defensive, one-down way. Just because they are trying to imply that their is a possibility of things getting better doesn't mean that is true. Explaining yourself won't make things better, it just gives them ammo. There is no real connection, in a healthy sense, and you can't create one. Walking away from a narcissist is not walking away from a relationship; it's walking away from someone who only thinks of themself.) 8:05 FIFTH - Come to terms with what you are going to do with the narcissist's contributions in your life. They contribute control and anger and all that. "This person is emotionally damaged and I can't let them be in charge of me." You may decide to go no contract. If that's not possible, go grey rock. Go into assertiveness and establish healthy boundaries. 9:20 SIXTH - Go back to your basics. Focus on characteristics like love, respect, honor, decency, healthy initiatives, making healthy connections with people who are kind & good, and having an on-going commitment toward self-care. 10:00 "I lost myself." Let's lean into the better alternative. Start with the notion, "I love who I am." You are singularly unique; don't let the narcissist take that away from you. 10:20 Anyone who perpetuates narcissism clearly does not understand love. 10:35 Refrain from defending yourself. You've already done that way too much. It's ok to simply be you and if the narcissist doesn't like that, it's ok. 10:50 Check your propensity for cynicism. There is evil in the world, but good still exists too. Be an ambassador for good. Encourage others. 11:40 Sometimes you will still be triggered with anger or fear. Rather than shaming yourself for that, which is what the narcissist does, allow for it but don't let it become the norm. Let yourself be human. Ask yourself, "What is my anger or bitterness or confusion trying to tell me?" 12:00 Carve out plenty of time for you to find your peace and joy. Find activities that will substantiate those kinds of ingredients. Build on the courage to be true to yourself. 12:15 As you take a path away from the narcissist, that person is going to scoff and tell you that you don't know what you're doing. Your true self baffles their false self. "I know better than where that narcissist wants to lead me." 14:00 The narcissist, because of their craving for power, wants you to stay attached to them. I'm hoping you can decide that that is a formula for not-good living. "I'm not playing along with that. I have my own separate self. I'm going to lean into that and discover that as fully and as thoroughly as I can." It's going to be an ongoing discovery process.

Sometimes I feel like picking up the phone and telling them exactly how they made me feel and all the wrong they did so they could just understand… even though I know it would achieve nothing or probably create such a massive drama and yet another traumatic experience

I found this lecture incredibly helpful and meaningful regarding where I am in my personal maturing process. I realise that I live with a lot of reactive anger toward narcissistic people in my life that is lessening my happiness and I want to cut it out. That requires learning to evaluate other's behaviour calmly and without hate and setting boundaries regardless of the objections of others. It is taking a lot of self-examination and courage. But I really want a happier existence for myself so I'm willing to pay the price. Thank you Dr. Carter, you are immensely helpful.

Yes thank you ! So true I remember as a young young child my personality and my parent or parent's who displayed these toxic traits were a mismatch. I have memories as early as 4 part of me understood things did not add up. I did as much as I could to ignore, and remain unresponsive. My family members noticed and were not happy, but they were going to be unhappy no matter what!

The abusive narcissists in my life are my 4 sisters-in-law and going no contact with them is my path to peace and healing. Fortunately, my husband supports this path. But the challenge is that he still wants to maintain some contact with them. I can't control my husband, but I can control what I allow into the safe place I've worked so hard to create.

just at the right time. God bless you

Good morning 🌞 Do I ever need this today 🙏😇💝

As the great philosopher Popeye The Sailor says: “I am what I am and that’s all that I am”. Simple, direct and to the point.

Another thought.....Walking Away From The Narcissist to me is turning and walking towards a life that is filled with lots of peace, joy and love. Restoration of myself as I was before the toxic relationships is looking pretty good!!

Thank you Dr.C!. For your help! I very much appreciate you!.... It's been some very hard work and still find myself hurting from this narcissist abuse... I am thankful for your help!.. Love and prayers to all of you!..

Thank you Dr. Carter 🙏😌 Every wise word coming from you gives me peace and courage to go on in my healing process.

Much love as always from Slovenija Dr C. It seems that here it's a Highway Song and it goes on and on. Don't throw up. Lemmy and Bonzo are very happy and send you and your team healthy some High Voltage Rock AND Roll. Kind regards as always from Slovenija.

Thank you for your hard work..seems like I take two steps forward and one step back these days. Hopefully soon I will muster strength to stand and walk away.

I just experienced a typical situation that just struck me so differently after watching so many of your videos. They have been so enlightening to me after being with the same partner for 45 years, 36 of them married. I had juat been very active akin skiing then shovelling snow for 2 and 1/2 hours and just recovering from some odd virus after coming inside I grabbed a banana at 5:00 p.m. and I was questioned as to why I would be consuming a banana at this strange time 😂. Silence and a long stare was my respinse.

Yes, indeed, I can't get enough of videos such as this. Dear dr C, your advice here is something I'd like to print out and carry in my bag at all times, because we, who struggle with traume bond, are only human and those narc folks often catch us off guard, with out defences unready. So, I just need your list of suggestions to remind myself of which is the most appropriate piece of advice in a given unexpected situation😅

Hello Dr Carter thankyou this is very much me still at 54 years. Youve helped me a lot with healing long term. GOD Bless you.

My narc boss keeps setting me up by not telling me information I need to do my job so that she can reprimand me and humiliate me when I make my decisions based on the knowledge I have. Then I am forced to defend my methods and it's a big argument. This happens maybe 5=6 times a day. Meanwhile, I heard her with her 'favourite'..Oh, we've made a change on how we do this. From now on you'll need to do it this way...." With me it's ambush. Every. Single. Time. I'm always waiting for the next tirade and explosion due to changing goal posts I'm never told about. Now she has one of her minions pulling the same stunt. Withholding info, then exploding on me when I'm doing me job the way I've always done it.

My mother was a victim of this, and by her, I was trauma bonded. She has passed. It's a mess.

I was so upset with an individual's behavior these last four years! Then, Thanks to Dr. Carter's information about what defines a Covert Malignant Narcissist, I discovered this person had all 38 traits! I am relieved to discover I was not crazy! I also now have tremendous compassion for this individual in understanding that he has a legitimate mental condition that he can not heal from. Though we have friends in common, I am able to not be in his physical presence when around these friends. Some of my friends are his flying monkeys however, so I take personal responsibility to make sure I am not in their physical presence as well. Glad to say I am feeling so much better. I am very grateful for Dr. Carter!

Thank you for the insights and advice Dr. C.