Thanks for showing up so authentically all the time. You’re a beacon, just being you. Hope all “the things” (paperwork, govt crawl) are progressing along well. You are loved. 🍀🥰🙌🙏🕊️
@@CarolinNoblesyes the assessment/related stuff ($). More months - wow… I knew it was gonna be a bit, but that’s longer than I thought. Well, whatever it takes, I hope it goes smoothly. I’m extra sensitive to the “not going smoothly” side of things rn, as that’s what I’m dealing with. 😵💫😬 … At any rate, happy to see you feel like singing. 🥰
@@CarolinNobles btw, there’s a really lovely psychologist here on YT, named Dr. Kim Sage. She’s been delving very extensively into autism in adult women. Her style, information, presence are really good (imo) and I think you might find some of her content interesting and/or helpful? 🙏
Thank you for having this talk with us. Open reflection is hard to do but shared like this IS actually healing and Helpful to a lot of us! I am reminded by everyone that it’s okay to have phases that change us.
You sound tired. Worn out. Perhaps you need more rest? How’s your social media usage? New research is showing that over usage can destroy motivation and make you feel overstimulated. And another thing to consider, you may look at your health, hormones, and age. Those play a big part on your energy levels. If you have any stress happening at home or work, this can play a part as well. Consider your motivations behind why you played before and how things over all in your life have changed since then. Just a a few things to consider. I hope you find the answers that you’re looking for. Or, even answers you weren’t looking for.
Sending Love. Play for yourself when it feels right to play... it is now time for a break... harp playing time will come later. Everything has a season... just wait for it to come around again. Please rest for now...
"No more 'It has to.' Maybe there is another path." My larger harp has been sitting in its case for months. I bought a small therapy harp to play for others, but this doesn't seem the season for it either. I've been experimenting with the sounds of a large tongue drum (Rav Vast). I'm learning to give myself permission for not always moving through life in a straight line, but bending with life's ebbs and flows. As always, I love your sharing and openness, Caroline.
My mantra for a long time has been "don't pour out, pour over." Meaning that all the creative and kind things we do have to be from an overflowing heart, not siphoning the energy that we need for ourselves. You are doing the right thing by not letting the instrument have a parasitic relationship with you. I've been there. Perhaps the role the harp plays for you is to be one beautiful chapter, nothing more
I like you so much. I like the way you show your bright and dark side. We live in a polar world, and we are all manifestations of that polarity, since we are parts of the world itself. We all have both sides, but not everyone shows both sides. Shadow is up to bat, and you are showing up. ❤
@@CarolinNobles we have to make sure we’re ok before being a service to others, love ourselves, make sure we’re full of love and share that I say that because I have kids I was always giving to them and others I wasn’t ok when I poured into me then I felt good and alive again so that’s y I think we have to put ourselves first ❤️
Carolin, something prompts me to share with you this short passage from a graduation speech by Mr. Fred Rogers, who had a famous TV show for children focused on social emotional learning that all us kids in the US watched in the 70s, 80s and 90s. He is a beloved cultural figure and a trusted guide who helped many of us grow up with better ways to cope. After his retirement he was asked to speak to graduates and this is part of one speech in 2002: "There’s a neighborhood song that is meant for the child in each of us, and I’d like to give you the words of that song right now. “It’s you I like, it’s not the things you wear. It’s not the way you do your hair, but it’s you I like. The way you are right now, the way down deep inside you. Not the things that hide you. Not your caps and gowns, they’re just beside you. But it’s you I like. Every part of you. Your skin, your eyes, your feelings. Whether old or new, I hope that you remember, even when you’re feeling blue, that it’s you I like. It’s you, yourself, it’s you. It’s you I like.” And what that ultimately means, of course, is that you don’t ever have to do anything sensational for people to love you. When I say it’s you I like, I’m talking about that part of you that knows that life is far more than anything you can ever see, or hear, or touch. That deep part of you, that allows you to stand for those things, without which humankind cannot survive. Love that conquers hate. Peace that rises triumphant over war. And justice that proves more powerful than greed." Listening to your video today I just want to say you are an appreciated beautiful soul just for being yourself. You don't owe anyone anything and don't need to feel obligated to do anything more. Be free of the pressure of perceived judgments of others. It is YOU we like, just by being yourself. Be blessed
It’s funny how we make so much up!!! “The harp is a problem!” It’s just a harp, and you liked it before, and now you don’t like it. Lost the joy. But the mind is held on. It’s funny and sad😂❤
I know, right? It really is no big deal. Harp seems done, so what, move on. But the emotions are very intense, of not having a "thing" I am good at and serving the world with. The shame of not doing enough or being good enough or special enough or whatever. The emotional landscape can be quite intense. Funny and sad indeed.
Hey beautiful soul…the past is gone…the future will be different to how you imagine it…you have this moment…oh,oh it’s gone! I’ve had ‘lost’ moments (times), your song Crystalline helps me every time. We’ll be here when you find your muse again….❤
Thank you so much for sharing. I resonated with multiple things you shared on a very deep level and it made me feel less alone, more “normal”. It is so fascinating how we humans go trough very similar challenges and yet we can feel like we are the only ones on this planes with this horrible problem. I often feel like I am a “glitch”, like there is something specificly wrong with me. But then I hear someone like you who shares that they go trough very similar problems.
I am glad to hear this helped you feel less alone, even though it was my specific topic, good you can still relate to it. I wonder how many people are trying to keep up with an outer role while on the inside feel they are crumbling.
Perhaps you were unconsciously looking for the feeling you had back then, the joy, and the feeling you could do good for other people. And so many people appreciating this, cheering at you for this. But we always run into ourselves again, don’t we? I have less pain, and therefore I can go on long walks again, which is fantastic. But now, after several weeks, it’s already become a little bit common, and I noticed that I am losing the happiness that I initially had, like wow, I am able to walk Long walks again! And the world is so beautiful, and I was so thrilled, and had no pain anymore, and now slowly the pain is coming back. And cramps are coming back, my mindset isn’t as positive anymore... I think initially, what am I doing wrong? But now I see well I’m still who I was and this is how it is now. Trying to accept how it is right now. I’m so good at accepting better times🥳😄, but the moment it turns around every time I have to move through a lot of frustration and denial and well - The whole circus - until I can accept the now again. And we will carry on!
In my mind, I saw the potential to be useful, to be helpful for others, I forgot about how I would feel. I loved the vision. I used to love playing harp for six years and then it just was no longer fun and I was never able to get back to the "good old days". It is not easy to accept that because like you say, so many people are cheering me on with the harp and how talented I am etc. It isn't easy to let that specialness and talent go. Acceptance is a good keyword. Not getting lost in the past but being here now.
Hi Carolin! It's not uncommon to get to a phase like you are going through. Sometimes a pause is just what is needed. And yes, I see the point, maybe nothing is there to be motivating, to have enthusiasm for. We might feel a bit lost. I know how that feels like.... I love your authenticity.
I'm so curious what will emerge from the empty space where the harp once was. It looks like you're going through a major transition, which isn't easy. I feel like your heart is wanting something even more authentic to you Right Now and where you're going, but I don't want to make you feel pressure by saying that. I think you're right to just let go and see what happens next. How exciting, but yes, I can see how that could be uncomfortable! Plus giving up the drum painting at the same time, yeah, I feel like something else is emerging but yes, you can't force it and I'm sure it has its own timing... that's ok! (imho!) But yeah... something else is coming :). This is kinda the hard part... admitting that certain things aren't working and maybe grappling with the moods and thoughts that come with that... the constant questioning whether this or that is right and why etc.. thanks for sharing your process. it certainly made me think.
Yes I feel something even more authentic wants to emerge. Don't see what it is yet, but maybe speaking about the process is a way to get started. And yes, I let the drums go in one swoop and now there really isn't anything left, it seems. But at some point, voids need to be filled again.
The level of honesty and realness you share is refreshing. Thank you for taking the time to share your struggles, sometimes being lost is exactly where we need to be. Your story brought tears as I can wholly relate to what you’re going through. Thank you for being so real. ❤
The new colors are honestly really good news. I personally love the addition. Previously the palette lacked chromatic cyans (which are near irreplaceable if you want to mix your own colors) and also variations of red (traffic red was like the only red hue). They really fixed these issues with this one, and that's something I'm a fan of for sure. Definetely not a fan of how they added more greens though, the palette was already full of them before that. And definetely not a fan of how my wallet is going to feel after I complete my collection with the new colors.
