like I just want one lil space on the internet that feels safe u feel / dana_._andersen / danaoandersen ko-fi.com/danaandersen / dana_._andersen patreon.com/DanaAndersen
Jesus, I'm sorry you have to go through that shit. I'm an autistic man and that's absolutely no excuse for harassing people online - as you say, adults should know (and if they don't know, should learn) what's appropriate and what's not. You absolutely deserve to feel safe online. I hope you feel able to keep making great, relatable content, your videos have really been helping me recently :)
8:17 Good blanket rule for guys: Thoughts like that, if you're not in a relationship with the girl in question, are probably going to create discomfort if they don't remain inside thoughts. And "I'm autistic" isn't an excuse: first, it's a simple enough rule, and I learned it decades before my diagnosis, and second, NT males are just as bad about violating it.
To add, if you aren't in a relationship with a girl: Just don't comment on the way she looks. This isn't a "you're a predator if you say a girl looks nice!" extremist viewpoint. This is just a perfectly level-headed way to approach the concept of treating women like they're, you know, *people*. Women who want strangers to treat them like they are princesses typically aren't the kind of women you should want anything to do with anyway; and if you can't find a way to compliment a girl that *doesn't* involve remarking on her looks, why be interested in her in the first place?
From my experience, autistic men/male presenting people can sometimes get away with their more eccentric personality traits, because society often gives more leeway to men. Afab/female presenting people, on the other hand, are expected to be much more well-mannered and polite than men. Thus, when autistic female presenting people don’t meet those standards (because we don’t), people treat us much harsher. Also, I love your shirt, Dana! That’s a really good piece of band merch. Where did you find it?
From what I can see, autistic males encounter more difficulty up front, in that a lower-masked presentation is more likely to cause direct social trouble, but autistic females are more likely to have significant psychological issues from masking stress. I think there are also some masking-mismatch issues that cause trouble with autistic males and females interacting with each other, which either side tends to count as part of how hard it is to be an individual of their sex.
I totally agree! I find this whole debate and weaponisation of victimhood to be incredibly asinine. As an autistic male, I'd never assume that my experience is any better or worse than an autistic woman's; I have my lived experience as a man with ASD and that's all I will ever have. To claim I know what women experience on a day-to-day basis, let alone better than they do themselves, would be delusional. I do relate to the unwanted sexual comments - both online and offline - from other men (especially since I've lost weight over the last couple of years) and I totally agree that being autistic or otherwise ND isn't an excuse. People (mostly men) need to learn to keep some thoughts to themselves... I've also found that most people who use their condition as an excuse are doing so as a cover to keep violating others' boundaries. Your hesitance around men is totally understandable!
Thank you for making this video. Honestly, it felt cathartic to listen to, because as a fellow female autistic content creator I've dealt with some similar issues, like people acting creepy on objectively non-sexual content. I appreciate you talking about this, it helps to know that I'm not the only one dealing with this rubbish.
wot? those men cannot be attempting to understand. I follow you because of of shared experiences. it is comforting to hear someone with similar struggles. In the end, ND folks are as varied as NTs. THere are creeps among us.
I’m used to there being creeps among us, I’m just not so used to them being so bold and making me so uncomfortable 😅 Very grateful that the majority of people who comment are those like yourself who are able to relate to the content or have a view on it to share!
@@DanaAndersen You bring some rare honest relatable content to the table that I havent seen anywhere else so far and gender absolutely does not play any role in most of what I have seen from you, otherwise guys like me would not be able to relate to most of your content. These other guys should try to be a public female online for a month and see how they like the constant objectification and worse messages most women get daily. I bet they would quit in a week...or hopefully learn to grow up real fast and stop using autism as a free ticket for violating other people's boundaries.
All that needs to happen Dana is that people show respect, kindness and EMPATHY. That doesn't feel like such a difficult thing, or is it for autistic or neurotypical alike. God bless
I agree with you! I think there are so many ways that people try to compare who's having a harder time between various groups and between individuals, and it's mostly just foolish reaction without actually understanding, or intended to invalidate people's experience.
Yep, it baffles me that so many lack the empathy to see lots of people struggle in lots of different ways, and the differences make them incomparable anyway in my opinion, but I also just don’t see how making comparisons helps anyone 😅
7:56 I used to assume the best in people too, and give people the "benefit of the doubt". As someone who is autistic, I do tend to assume that maybe people are just missing social cues, have never been taught to know better, etc... I've come to realize that sometimes the commentors DO know better and are just being creepy jerks with no respect for us female content creators.
Unfortunately, there are some people out there that LIKE to make other people uncomfortable. I see it on lots of small/new channels. I think it’s really sad and a pathetic way to make their life feel interesting. I’m sorry for all of us that this is the online landscape. It makes me super nervous about any young or vulnerable person online. I bet your tights were really cool, you should be able to just enjoy that. I’m excited to flip through your old videos and watch what you’ve said about gender. I resonate with your perspective.
I find that the autistic community is constantly being separated into different categories and having those categories be pit against each other. Low support needs vs high support needs, men vs women, early diagnosed vs late diagnosed, self diagnosed vs diagnosed. Being autistic is hard, and making it a competition just makes it harder. We shouldn't be pushing people down in the community, we should be listening and including all voices. Also, I just subscribed!! I hope your channel can be a safe space for you just as it is a safe space for many viewers :)
I know its a serious video but at 18:18 when you said "google whats creepy to say" made me think of how that weird google AI would give instructions on how to be even more creepy. "People love being made to feel as if they are being stalked. Here is a list of the best words to make a person consider changing their name and flee the country:"
Aren’t autistic people othered enough? That’s basically the core defining experience. There’s barely a floor for us to stand on, and instead of helping each other build more floor, we’re just telling each other we’re building it wrong. Actually, yeah, I guess that tracks, now that I think about it.
Hi Dana Luv, you are sharing your lived experiences and expressing your autistic challenges which is totally unique to you and we are thankful for you sharing. Nobody should be here to make judgments or comparisons we get enough of that in day to day encounters with both people we know and don't know. I'm not sure if it's fully fact but when I talked to my doctor after I was diagnosed she expressed the struggle more autistic women go through to get diagnosed and recognised as having autism so in that sense there are many autistic women can find it much harder especially before they are diagnosed.
Hi Joshua, thank you for commenting! I think the issue is that autistic people often have problems stemming from the same issue that present in different ways, like you’re totally spot on that statistically and in my own experience, it is more difficult for women to get an autism diagnosis, and in my opinion this stems largely from the stereotypes that exist around the traits that are more likely to be displayed by men, and that benefits men in that they’re more likely to get a diagnosis, but also more likely to be judged and ostracised for those better known autistic traits. So we both have a difficulty stemming from the same thing, presenting very differently, which I think makes them incomparable, but if someone really wanted to compare them, I’d say they’re equally tough in different ways, and that goes for most of the differences autistic people see between ourselves anyway!
I love how articulate you were in this video - it's not men in general that make women (+presenting) not trust them: it's a lifetime of systemic misogyny
lol. Google “what’s creepy to say to someone online” true, but also hilarious. I’m sorry there are people doing that. It’d be cool if you had a moderator for that sort of thing. Same on the man based trauma. 😢
It's funny you mentioned your sense of humor and your hair as things that you welcome compliments on, because those are two things I notice every video and really admire! Your hair is awesome. I watched the dyeing video you did recently and was really surprised that you don't purposely do a lighter area for your bangs, it just comes out that way, because it's a total look and it's cool as fuck. I'm incredibly jealous! 😂 Also, you're fucking hilarious, I laugh out loud at least once for every video, often because you manage to put something incredibly relatable into beautfully succinct, deadpan words, and it's as delightful as it is humorous. My husband often overhears the creators I watch, and you're his favorite because you're so funny. Wishing you nothing but the loveliest comments ❤️ thanks for making these videos, they really are a bright spot, and I'm delighted every time I see there's a new one from you.
0:33 I got explicity propositioned by a 50+ year old man on here, so I understand how you feel. RU-vid does NOT do enough to keep content creators, especially female content creators, safe.
When I come here I feel so much relief for probably the same reasons you made this channel. I feel less "odd" and more accepted. I feel less intellectually isolated. You have such brilliant things to say and I enjoy it so much. I wish the Internet was a safer place for everyone but some seem to think it's okay to assault people in the comment section and imply we're soft if it affects us negatively but you'd never show up at someone's door and say these things. I don't differentiate between genders much myself, but I am a woman and I definitely feel unsafe and always have. I hope that you don't quit your channel because you are encouraging so many and actually your style of communication is rare and needed. You are spot on about everything you said and brave for saying it because it needs to be said. The internet could be safer if we wanted it to be but it takes saying enough is enough. Thankyou 💞
Being afab on the internet is genuinely a nightmare and I really admire you for pushing through despite everything the creepsters have told you; I get a lot of validation from you talking about your experiences and I am really glad your videos are here. PS: from a normal, non-creepy, aromantic ace agender person, your hair looks absolutely fabulous and you do have a great sense of humour!
I really enjoy learning about other peoples experiences of things like neurodivergence and disability I find it really enlightening. But it can lead to those really kind of toxic competitive kind of comparisons like "oh you can have a conversation, you're not autistic" or the internalised version "That person has different struggles to me therefore I'm not (insert here) enough." Just don't compare people.
I do agree with youre point that gender doesn't make autim more difficult. And I hate the fact people make it a contest about which one is worse. One other thought the video title threw me a bit off.
i dislike the entire concept of male and female autism. it’s just not true for everyone to begin with - there are men who fit the concept of “female autism” and women who fit the concept of “male autism”. and like you always say, everyone is different. and just because there are different presentations doesn’t automatically mean one is harder than the other. but i think the biggest issue is that people aren’t even accurately perceiving another person’s difficulties and just making assumptions about how easy it is for someone when that’s not actually the case at all.
I am so glad that I have enough gray hair to scare off all most of the men. The bus stops in my city were especially awful when I was younger. But it was common many places.
I’ve started waiting a little way up from the actual stop because of how many men think me waiting for my bus is an absolute invitation to question me and claim it’s a conversation 🙃😩
Sorry to bring attention to it, but 'twit-tok'. :) An easy word stumble to make but it seems like it would be a great thing to actually exist. You could flag the creepy commenters and then they'd be banned from interacting on all social media except 'twit-tok'. It could work like internet prison or something, depending on the severity of their creepiness, etc they'd be sent there for days, weeks, months, years or life. :)
I written comments in the past and then read it through before posting and think is that going to look or sound creepy, weird or and rude and then either edited it or completely deleted it but I am not perfect and have made mistakes in the past. If I have posted anything wrong in the past I apologise.
I block anyone I think is being intentionally creepy, so you’re definitely all good! I try to keep in mind that myself and most people commenting are autistic, misinterpretations and misunderstandings will happen, so if it seems like it’s been commented with good intentions, I’m much more likely to ask for clarity than thinks it’s creepy/weird/rude etc. 😊
Your content IS intellectual. You are basically a philosopher. It doesn't matter if your dialect or vocabulary may be viewed as "common". In fact, your vernacular makes you more approachable and understandable. Also, I agree that people know what is creepy or not. Declaring "autism!" doesn't work unless you are a psychopath or a sociopath as well. Fuck 'em. Delete 'em. Ban 'em!.
I will be adding philosopher to my CV, thank you 😂 I’ve gone from having blocked about 5 people in my entire life last year to blocking at least that many people a week, and I’m definitely happier online thanks to it! Sucks that I have to see the initial shitty comment to know to block them though 😂
As a man, kinda (I also prefer they/them pronouns), I do not take offense or have a problem with anything you said in this video, or any of your videos ive seen. There is a serious problem with men not having any concern for boundaries and being creepy in general online, and it fucking sucks. Im sorry you've had to deal with it, and hope they leave you alone. Also a response to something you mentioned towards the end, I hope this will help balance out a stupid response that an ignorant and judgemental person has left: I dont know you, but from what you've talked about on this channel, you do not seem to have it easy at all. If anything, you being a woman (or at least percieved as one, its not my intention to assume), has made your life harder in some situations youve mentioned, like how you were denied potential earlier diagnosis of autism because supposedly women dont have autism. Like I said, I dont know you, but from what you've talked about you seem like a very strong person who has dealt with and is dealing with a lot. And I for one think you are bad ass for being able to continue to share parts of your life like this after such shitty comments. I dont think I could do that personally. Your videos consistantly help me with my journey with late diagnosed autism, so I hope this comment from a stranger returns the favor at least a little bit.
As an Autistic man I can see how we can be mistaken as being creepy; at least for me any way, being very awkward socially, & not having a clue about social norms, women who have got a particular idea of how a man should behave would think I was 'creepy' & 'icky'.
I recall an American/Swedish study that found that just about all autistics display characteristics of "weak masculinity" so I don't believe that there are any major differences between male or females on the spectrum. However the societal expectations are where we see these difference the most and I do find that this has a much more negative impact on males due to expectations to be leaders/providers/warriors etc. and have high status which is not often within the nature of an autistic person. Having traits of "weak masculinity" could also make a female come of as cooler than other women but for males they can be viewed as wimps, losers, pushovers, or some more derogatory term. There are certainly challenges that autistic females face such as being the target of abuse by men who take advantage of her social misunderstandings. All women in general do seem to face problems of unwanted attention and harassment. Most men deal with a lot of social rejection. But what I see online from autistic males is a lot of anger, bitterness, despair and hopelessness at being so isolated and rejected. The Alt-Right also targets them online to convince them that the problem is feminism which has lead to their rejection but this is absurd if you consider that their idealized "traditional" woman would also greatly reject them as she would expect total dependence on him to do everything which might appeal to the most narcissistic of men but they also promote ideas of machismo and being dominant which does not always align with the autistic or introverted persona which often is more internal focused. Sadly some fall for this crap and become misogynist even though many liberal feminists are sympathetic to autistic individuals. Statistically autistic females are much more likely to get married or have relationships (although they often have fewer than NT women) whereas autistic heterosexual males struggle with this due to social expectations they cannot meet through no fault of their own and often never have any relationships which seems to be the cause of most of their frustration and even rage. I don't know much about the impact autism has on LGBTQ+ individuals although since there is a shared sense of marginalization there could possibly be more acceptance between these groups. I also agree that there is no difference in masking between the sexes as all autistics try to fit in as best they can. But one could say that female masks are more socially acceptable. Clearly there are struggles with being autistic for anyone but the differences come down to social expectations. You are also correct about autistics knowing better than to make harassing comments. Autism should never be an excuse for any (intentionally) rude or anti-social (do not confuse this with asocial or social awkwardness) behavior and should not give anyone a pass on that.
I find that too. A lot of the female traits of autism are the same traits I have. I know I took long to get masking down though so was diagnosed early, that back then autism was thought to be a male only disorder.
These sorts of comparisons are a problem throughout the whole internet culture. You see these ridiculous arguments online about whether Joni Mitchell or Sandy Denny sings the same song better. They are different people interpreting it differently. As a man, I find the vast majority of what you say totally relatable to my experience. I don't have as many problems with masking as a lot of women, but so what? I think you need to categorize this stuff as TROLLING, and just ignore it. Ignore the trolls; they lower the level of the conversation. I know this is easier said then done, because these people can be experts at getting under your skin. That's what they want to do. But I still think the best approach is to treat them like they aren't even there.
I always figured the struggle is different for the individual regardless of gender. I'm wary and don't trust anyone due to people being horrible, and I know I'm not the only one. People just suck. And as for creepy comments, I do believe those people know exactly what they're doing and just have no regard for the feelings of the recipient, in this case you.
14:11 It's not your fault. It's really hard not to internalize victim-blaming. Know that it's not your fault that other people are acting weird or creepy or badly. You are not doing anything wrong.
I am amazed by anyone brave enough to put themselves out in the world and I'm sorry that you have had such creepy responses. Personally I think, regardless of sex or gender, nuerodivergent people have their own uniquely awful experiences of trying to function in a world ostensibly built for allistic people, often with a late or no diagnosis that means we stumble blindly through it, exposed to harm at every turn. The only thing that seems to help is either coming from money or having one of those mythical 'supportive families' that live in the field next to the unicorns.
Being an autistic HUMAN sucks and it's difficult. Great video, you made your point really well, the whole "gender wars" thing is really frustrating and needs to stop.
I'm autistic male and see I don't have it as bad as women on spectrum or lot men on spectrum. I'm just fortunate that one of special interest landed me a high paying job for 25 years. Before that employment was struggle. I am grateful for my special interest I've had since a long as I can remember that provides so well for me.
Suitor(s) are annoying; I haven't made videos in years, but when I did I stopped reading the comments. I'm not sure that I've been bothered, though I'm sure some did; they were simply more than I had time or energy to keep up with. Understanding though you want to engage the comments to better find your community isn't advice doesn't seem conducive to your situation. I'm aware some in the comment(s) community do sift through comments on behalf of the video creators without their asking and I think they deserve 10 internet points for their community moderating service. PS my videos are old and if someone out their views them please know I've matured and grown since then...be gentle...though admittedly very likely I won't read the comment anyway.
Is there a way to add moderators to a channel on RU-vid? Honestly that sounds like something that would be helpful for many smaller channels, and female content creators.
@@MorganJ Not to my knowledge; my understanding is that others would report them and then they'd be removed by the system. I really don't know though and that's the model I've been assuming correct.
As an autistic person who is afab non binary I relate to you so much. As for anyone else reading this, Dana is awesome so please stop making them uncomfortable
At risk of oversimplifying something, even though I don't think I am, it just sounds like "Being a man is more difficult." I've never been a woman, but I think it's comparing apples and oranges.
Very very very few people are appropriately supported or approved of having meltdowns, male or female. Any meltdown I’ve ever had around people, I’ve been shamed for.
I think we as autistic people have a shared experience of being autistic and how other's have treated us, but for others to say my experience is worse because of my gender is just a false argument entirely. However its is scientifically proven that women or girls wirj autism go undiagnosed more than men do, and its linked to the large percentage of males prefering things rather than people. Its all in the biology.
I'd say autistic transgender people have it more difficult, because of the social stigma it (still) carries on top of the social stigma of being autistic. But people are more then their gender. Each person has their own struggles and opportunities. Having said that. Is gender confusion and / or gender nonconformity inherently a part of being autistic? Neurotypicals seem to (want to) act our their assigned gender roles and stereotypes often. About weird comments. I like to act like a cat and feel catlike sometimes. I hope that's weird enough =^.^=
there's some compound difficulties, like how getting gender affirming care requires masking from autistic trans people a lot of the time, but mostly you get hit with the two things separately. For the most part it's really hard being trans and really hard being autistic. Same if you're cis, it's hard to be autistic _and_ hard to be a woman, there are a few situations wher those things combine, but usually you'd still have the problem you're facing as an allistic woman or as an autistic man (whichever applies.) That is NOT to say those areas of overlap are insignificant, autistic women are more likely to get abused than both autistic men and allistic women and you're less likely to get help with autism as a woman/girl (or being seen as one.) I don't think I can really separate my struggles caused by being trans and struggles caused by being autistic. Autism has a huge effect on how I feel gender dysphoria, for instance. And masking my autism and masking my gender at the same time caused a lot of mental strain and issues affecting me to this day. So I guess there's value in talking about gender/neurotype as a duo but not much value in trying to find who's got it _the worst,_ there's no medal for it, you'll just be sad.
Something super concenring to me was that one of the states (I think it was Missouri), when they were trying to oppress trans people, there was some sort of bill proposed (not sure if it passed or not) that would require screening for autism for people receiving gender-affirming care. It's a huge red flag/super concerning to me. There ARe a lot of autistic trans folks out there, but I'm deeply concerned that the next step will be politicians and transphobic people trying to deny bodily autonomy to us autistic folks by claiming that we can't give informed consent, in their bid to try and deprive trans folks of rights.
I have heard before that autistic people are more likely to be trans than the general population, but I am very hesitant to trust studies like that because I am concerned about politicians trying to weaponize that research to push an agenda and oppress either trans folks, autistic folks, or both.
@@MorganJ Also, gatekeeping autistic people from GAC has been a thing for a long time, it's just not formalized. That isn't to say the bill wasn't an awful attack on our rights, but it's not a new idea. It's getting better but people who restrict this care still don't like it if you have anything else going on, so disclosing autism is very much not recommended
@@MorganJ the studies are legit, a ton of us are autistic. This isn't like the Cass report. Unfortunately, yes, these politicians will use any available avenue to elim inate trans people (and hurting autistics is also nice, but not the main focus in this case), but they don't care if the science is legitimate or not, if they did they wouldn't be doing so in the first place. So I don't think we should be scared of studying the intersection between queerness and neurodivergence. If the truth isn't useful to them they'll just come up with something else anyway. I generally don't like reading studies on transness or autism because they tend to be awfully pathologizing (a bit tired of my entire identity being called a disorder...), so I haven't read them, but the summaries I was given seem legit and I can _see_ that being the case (I've been trying to post this comment 6 times now, it's not working at all :/ RU-vid really doesn't like when I talk about this stuff )
The comments sections for female content creators can be littered with sleazy and creepy comments. If someone has those thoughts they should follow the maxim "think it, don't say it" - indeed that goes for any thoughts that might offend, upset or annoy people. People should comment on the content, not the appearance of the creator.
As a man diagnosed with Autism at 37 last year, my take on it is that we all face our own challenges regardless of gender. I think anyone going on about it being more challenging for a specific gender needs to realise that Autism isn’t a one-size fits all. Trying to figure out Autism is bloody hard. I’m really sorry for your experiences online. I have found your videos really relatable in helping me find myself post-diagnosis. Knowing that there’s people out there thinking the same as me and facing similar challenges, it helps me understand that the world is the problem and not us with Autism. Keep being you and forget the creeps and trolls Dana. The amount of people who you are helping vastly outweighs the negativity. Keep your chin up 😊
I've been commenting to nt youtubers for almost fifteen years, no one deleting a comment. It's so bad not being acceptable. With Dana I have deleted my own comment three times, she I think twice. Obviously my thinking is morphing since my developed traits from the trauma of suddenly losing my masking. So all the comments I will do here are just the facts like "the priest might help you" comment. She's a great youtuber and makes valuable, useful content. Her herself I'm, it seems strange, not concerned with who or what she is? I don't care if a youtuber is male or female or whatever anything, as long ss they're worthwhile and perhaps relatable. She's is both I think. Whatever was unacceptable back when, Dana I am sorry. My social awareness is fluctusting so it seems my comments are too. I am sure they didn't offend, but were different like perhaps this one I'm risking. It's bad thinking I put someone off. Everybody Stay 🧡 Special !
Hi. There are trolls who work to make creators take down videos or whole sites. It happened to dear " Willow Hope." They must be ignored, deleted, even blocked.
It's actually academically documented as being roughly 900% more likely to occur in the autistic population relative to the allistics; i.e., very specifically the internal feeling of gender being "largely irrelevant" or a "minor factor" in determining identity.
@@paulinejulien9191 Although I've got no proof of this necessarily, it makes a lot of sense to me that the first person to look at either end of the gender binary, shrug their shoulders, and think to themselves "nah. not really vibing with this one, either" was almost certainly on the spectrum.
Delete the comments/users that you don't like, *not the channel.* Many people get a lot from your videos and take on things and so you're helping people with your posts in a way that you might not directly get to witness, but they will be there. I can completely understand why men will say such a thing but as you can imagine, it may be hard for such people to be able to understand anything other than their own POV. Some of us can understand greatly another person's POV, but other will never be able to. You can block all comments on that tights video..... but be sure to monetize it because....if people are watching for 'that' reason, why not get paid for it? As for those dirty comments you get, reply with _"Another comment like this will be reported to the police."_ It is the only thing that might make them stop. Sadly.
yes, I get the fact all autism is different, and we all experience similar things, but to some extent (not being offensive), I do see that point of view; I am a man, and as a fact, women on the spectrum MASK their symptoms; us guys don't, so for this point, I see the difficulty for men vs. women, that women, to SOME degree have greater social aptitude than the men do, we need 'teaching', but I do also recognise that women are more social beings in the whole, so get it, and 'seem' to my observations, to make conversation and interact easier than men typically do. No-one should harass people, some of us just have opinions, and are indifferent on the typewriter, or have a passionate view on topics, and, for asd men, we just say it wrong, or don't realise the consequences of our grammer, or word choices, or just what subjects are 'taboo' and shouldn't be typed, just thought in our heads.
Plenty of men also mask. People love trying to separate autism into the male and female experiences, but they’re still only true for certain people within each category, and it’s not accounting for nonbinary or intersex people either.
@@DanaAndersen yes, true, and we all experience Autism similarly, but you do GREAT work, and coming from a male perspective, a great channel, showing the world the "good & bad" sides of the condition, in an honest, non biased nor gender specific way, keep it up, and keep positive, as you represent the younger view, most YouTubing asd's are older, like 'mom on the spectrum', or are a bit show off like 'Cloe Hayden', more influencer than a documentary, fact showing channel; but YOURS shows the hard topics, no frills, just the meat and potatoes, what the real issues for us are, and you are brave enough to video yourself talking it, so GOOD SHOW!!
Victim olympics is always cringe. Neither men nor women can assess properly how the other side is experiencing X, even within the gender group you can't really compare anything realistically between individuals and acting like you have the ability and the right to judge unique experiences from other people is pretty absurd. Online radicalization echo chambers will be the end of us all :[
It is very unnerving to me when I hear autistic women have things to say like this about autistic men--regardless of what size their numbers may be. I'm very sorry that you've had the negative experiences you have had with the men you were close to; and I've spoken with and gotten to know enough autistic women to not even need to know you personally to understand how very real those experiences were. The last thing I want is for this comment to give off the impression of invalidation. Statistically it's very likely that men have put you through some things where "creepy" is a very minimal and even nice way of describing it. However, with that said, I hope you do keep your mind open to the idea that the number one common denominator in these men with creepy and/or predatory predilections isn't their gender, but their age. I'm not sure exactly how old you are, but I'm guessing definitely below 30? By no means am I trying to excuse the behavior of guys beneath this threshold, but from what I've experienced, it isn't terribly uncommon for ~30 to be a heavy dividing line between the creepers and non-creepers. This seems to be a trend in women as well, although maybe slightly earlier, and with different "toxic traits." Some of us guys obviously don't grow out of this behavior, and a huge red flag indicative of this is when they continue to involve themselves in the lives in 20-somethings (or god forbid even younger) well into their 30's. Try not to let yourself get bitter. We autistics need to stick together as much as we can. Whether they are mature/educated enough to realize it or not, the rise of awareness of autistic women is and will continue to be the single greatest thing to progress the treatments and therapies available to autistic people in general. Personally, I know for a fact that if it weren't specifically for autistic women who got online and (rightfully so) ranted in a slightly pissed off tone about the inadequacies surrounding access to proper diagnostic assessments growing up, I never would have gotten my own diagnosis as an adult man. Hell, the number one determining factor that caused me to choose the diagnosing clinician I did was that she is an autistic woman herself. I'd put money on the proposition that, in the grand scheme of things, the number of men whom you are educating and helping is much greater than the number of "men" who minimalize your own autism because you're a woman. Obviously you don't owe it to anyone on this platform to sacrifice your own mental health for our own sake, but try not to let yourself be too discouraged by these freaks.
@@DanaAndersen Members only to comment? At least then they have to give money to post their crap. I donate to you so I wouldn't mind joining (though I would hate Google taking 30% of the fee)
@@Matt_Mosley1983 I mean us autistic folks have a super high rate of underemployment and unemployment, and people who do end up on disability benefits tend to have extremely limited means, so putting comments behind a paywall would end up disproportionately blocking other neurodiverse and disabled people's comments.
This using autism to be rude is really weird in my opinion but then they would say it is masking if you're not rude and then that affects your mental health I don't quite know where I stand with this because every person is asking politeness at some point but neurotypicals don't have The same reaction as a an autistic master because they're not trying as hard because everyday life is just easier for them I'm not judging another RU-vidr but I think sometimes that autistic guy seems to sometimes think because he is autistic he doesn't have to say certain things and these things can make him seem a bit rude but I disagree with that I just think politeness is a requirement even if it means you have to compromise in some other areas Also there's a lot of things neurotypicals do That you can learn and use as a tool to get them to do what you want LOL LOL for example if you want a neurotypical to talk to for some reason don't know what that reason would be just ask them about the weather yes you may not like small talk But he can still be a tool
