“He Be Feeding Me Pasta and Lobster” | Hard Wig Soft Life Theory 

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I think that it’s another way to poke fun of black women who decide to date outside of their race. Also, can we please talk about how mean black women are to each other when someone hair isn’t “slayed or laid”. It’s honestly really sad and disheartening.

Rich women have the financial capital to ignore social expectations and be eccentric. I’ve seen rich, white and asian women look just as crazy. We just tend to hone in on our own.

I remember being told a few years ago by a black man that I look like a black woman that looks like she dates white dudes. I initially didn't understand what he meant, but after seeing this hard wig=soft life trend on tiktok, I understand. I don't wear wigs, but I wear my hair in crochet braids in various colors, and I'm dating an Asian man. I had in purple braids the 1st time we met, and when he saw my braids, he compared them to the purple flowers on a wisteria tree. He's seen my 4c hair with all the new growth and he loves it. So, if I look like I date outside my race because of my hair choices, so be it. I'm happier than I've ever been.

This theory is just a way to put black women in their place and judge them for dating outside their race.

The "joke" seems pretty mean spirited honestly. I feel like BW in general are always looking for a reason to claw at very hypergamous BW (especially if they want to be in that position) and this is just another case of that. That's just my opinion though.

I'm not convinced whyte men know what a properly laid wig looks like. Men can't even tell when women have natural makeup on most of the time. I could be wrong tho

Y’all will NEVER catch me with a hard wig, but I most certainly will be living a soft life

Hi Toni, my dad passed away this Friday and I needed that verse today. Thank you.

I grew up in a wealthy white area and got teased by my cousins about not "acting black" or being "too white" my whole lifffffffeeee! I've never had a wig or a weave. I've only dated outside of my race... never been with a black man. Man I've identified with so many of the points made in the video. Like why are black ppl so mean to each other. There's no need for all of the negativity.

where’s the “fried extensions/soft life trend”?? i went to school similitude to University of Alabama and i can not tell you how common it is for bleach blondes with obvious and bad tape in extensions to “bag” wealthy white men. BUT no one is scrutinizing white womans hair

“Basically, if you’re wearing a hard wig, it means that your wig looks like a wig”. All wigs look like wigs, melted lace and all, they ALL look like wigs.

Can we please normalize being a regular ass chic in the black community. The over the top makeup, lashes, and nails with the barely there fits is the standard now. It's kinda sad. Everyone walking around looking like a Bratz doll 😔

The joke quickly became mean spirited! But the truth is y'all, it was never about the wig. It's about how "black" you are. From my own experience, men outside my race have pursued me because I'm not the "city girl, skee yee" type of girl. I grew up in strict African household, I couldn't be that way authentically if I tried smh. Proximity to black culture, specifically the parts that are viewed as negative, is what matters to those who are interested in dating outside of their race. And it's not just with black women! I am in no way trying to put down certain types of black women AT ALL. You should be bale to be yourself and be loved. I'm just saying it like it is.

Can you guys hear?? Please like this comment

One more thing AFROS ARE SO COOL!! If u can girls rock it it is the most unique hairstyle that NO ONE CAN REPEAT unless they can naturally . Black women with their natural afros just dazzle me!

Also why don’t women just wear braids on vacation?? That’s my go to!! If I’m going to the beach, I am going swimming!!

Isn’t it funny how hair makes all the difference? I wear “crunchy” wigs. I do yoga daily and am very active. So im also pretty thin and model height. I always attract white guys, the geeky spoiling kind.. even Asians, Hispanics, and middle eastern sometimes. But there are days where I really slay my hair and I have absolutely no troubles attracting black men but it’s usually only black men and men who act black. It’s also who you are as a person so.. Edit: grammar

I appreciate you making this video. I am a black woman dating a white man and I find people criticizing us constantly or ask why my hair is a certain way, but I don’t care. My baby loves my natural hair. Wig or no wig, he loves me for me. It’s exhausting trying to keep up with beauty standards in general. 21:58 🖤🤘🏽I’m also alternative too

The only time Ive heard black women criticized is by the black community itself. There seems to be alot of infighting in the community and thats sad to see.

Yesss when did we become so desprate for love? I know the black woman hate is at a all time high, but i think we are going too far be to accepted. Also, we need to start loving our own hair because it has been black woman telling me to wear wigs or perm my hair, while black men loved my afro. Sometimes we are our own bullies🤷🏽‍♀️

This joke is weird i swear🤦🏽.

Thank you for speaking up about it. The jokes were slightly funny at first but honestly it gives mean girl energy. These same women making fun of miss “hard wig, soft life” are still struggling in relationships, have low self esteem when they’re not laid and slayed, and not living in a gated community getting ready for their all expense paid(by their husband) trip to Bali…

Is this serious?? As if men have ANY clue what the condition of a wig implies about the societal experience of whoever’s wearing it?! 😂😂😂 i absolutely agree with the idea that they’re more easygoing and not uptight HOWEVER I don’t think the wig portrays that I think they’re ENERGY conveys that! And the wig is just a side effect

I've never heard of this theory until now, but I'm 100% in agreement with you that it's completely ridiculous. I'm a 27-year-old black girl that's married to a white man. We've been together for almost 10 years. I also used to get attention from other white guys pretty often when I was in college. And I guess you could say I don't fit the conventional beauty standards that you mentioned that black girls are expected to aspire to; I wear my hair completely natural, I don't wear wigs or weaves or anything, I don't really wear makeup. My husband says that white guys don't care about whether your edges are laid or your wig is straight, etc., because white men aren't aware of the strict beauty standards that black women place on themselves, so they just don't care. All that extra stuff doesn't matter to them. They just care whether or not they first find you attractive and second whether they like your personality. I can't be sure that this is the case with all white guys, but at least for my husband and the guys that he's interacted with it doesn't matter whether you fit the aesthetic that the black community generally thinks you should. It matters more that you're being yourself, and beauty comes from that. It seems like black women are far too hard on themselves and each other.

I can definitely agree with feeling like you don’t adhere to the “ black beauty standards”. I get the “you sound white” comments 24/7 and I don’t get my lashes done, I rarely ever do my edges and overall don’t fit the “ black baddie “ standard at all. I’m 100% black lol ,but the black women I’m surrounded by that are my age fit the “black baddie” standard.

16:57 it’s because you don’t look ratchet. I think the black community cares too much abt how we look on the outside. And not who we are on the inside.

I am SHOCKED by how many people are prejudice to interracial dating these days. I see it the most in the black community- especially to black women dating white men. Usually from black men and women. It’s so sad. 😭

First time I heard this, I knew it was mean spirited. As someone who has been mostly in relationships with yt men, I always got the "you are just with him because you cant get a black king".

I heavily agree with it making fun of black women who don’t go with the flow of the black beauty standard. A lot of time instead of helping with tips, black will rip the girl apart in the comments. Living outside the black women beauty standard should be good, because they are breaking the norm!

I very rarely comment but as a black girl who grew up in a predominantly white school with mostly white friends and a middle class white boyfriend this is such an interesting topic to me. I never cared to have the slick back buns with edges everyday, I wore my braids for months (washing in between ofc). Even now, with gaining more black friends in college that adheres to the standards, I’ve never worn a lash set or 50 buss down, I’ve just been me. On top of that I have what most people know as the gothic alt aesthetic, so rarely do the BW that adheres to the standards set on us speak to me (just an observation of mines). My childhood best friend is the same way despite going to a predominantly black school until high school. She never adhered to the standards and didn’t really make friends until she went to high school. All of it is very interesting to ponder about

there’s so much hatred within our community and we need to fix it instead of worrying about outside factors. we have so much internalized hate yet we look for other communities to love and respect us. we have to love and respect ourselves and each other first. non black people see videos and trends like this and think they can join in on the joke, which is why we’re always getting joked on and disrespected. they don’t see us respecting ourselves first. we need to rebuild our community before we start talking about factors outside of it

As a light skinned girl who currently has less than an inch of hair on my head THANK YOU for this one. Just finished the video and omg, what you said about being comfortable with my blackness struck a chord with me. I lowkey felt attacked by this trend because while I don’t wear wigs, I do not bother with my edges and I don’t care about slicking my hair down because I simply don’t feel like it. I have very dense 4a hair so sometimes it looks like a rat nest, ngl, but I just walk around and I dare somebody to say something cuz I have better things to be concerned about. I also just happen to be with an Asian man for 5 years now and he does pay for all my stuff. So this one did have me feeling some type of way. The thing is, from a girl on the “inside” of this trend, I will say I’m not with my boyfriend because of his race or his money (we were both broke college students when we met). I’m with him because he accepts me as I am and I never tried to be something I’m not for him, I’ve never pretended for anyone. My advice is to just be your authentic self, whatever that looks like. The right person will come along for you when the time is right and hopefully they’ll be attracted to the **real you**. I literally didn’t care about having a boyfriend and ended up with an amazing one by doing nothing but being me 🤷🏽‍♀️. Toni hit the nail on the head with this one.

We police black women’s hair way way too harshly in the black community. I think it’s important to recognize that this comes from a place of pain. Black people hair is unique from any other races and it’s a very obvious “black identifier” that can have extremely negative repercussions when living in a world that hates blackness and black people…so I think we do it to protect ourselves and our people…it’s like a generationally passed down survival tactic the same way we aggressively make sure our children aren’t ashy and look presentable at all times. We are constantly trying to prove our “cleanliness” and “ presentability”. It’s actually quite sad. Other races get to show up in messy buns, old shirts and yoga pants without being labeled as “unkempt”. Currently pregnant with a boy and seriously considering letting him grow out his hair with Freeform locs we need to let black women and people be when it comes to hair

A lot of this is about internet confirmation bias. I see a broad range among black women who date outside of their race irl. I’ve seen the “crunchy wig” types but I’ve seen girls with ‘fros, girls with braids and locks, and girls with pressed out hair. I also want to be wary of this over-romanticizing of white men that’s been prevalent the last few years in black women spaces. A lot of us are basing this on social media influencers and rhetoric implying dating someone white automatically equates to a healthy relationship or being taken care of and that is not necessarily true. Date who you want, but don’t date another race because you think they will be superior because they are not black. Also, I wouldn’t assume that the black women in these situations are authentically themselves. Often black women and black people in general have to give up a lot to exist in white spaces. They may not strictly adhere to black beauty trends, but they are also having to conform to other cultural norms that may not be normal for them to be acceptable in white environments.

I'm that hard wig woman. When I'm around YT men or mostly men that aren't black,... doors are opened literally for me, compliments are given about how nice I look, these men rush to cater and take care of things or fix things with NOTHING expected in return. Its refreshing, there is no blatant lust in their eyes, just awe and adoration. If there is flirting, it's things that are said that I don't feel uncomfortable with my own mother hearing and it's actually happened with her there on several occasions. Mind you, I'm a semi plus size woman, with thickness that most BM say shouldn't be respected or is unhealthy. They make being a woman effortless, they treat you like porcelain and I find, naturally my femininity is most organic around them because they make you want to be in every way a lady. You feel acknowledged and safe and there is no arguing about getting an apology from them, especially the YT guys because they rather give in and keep you and willing to see it from your perspective than lose your attentions. Also being friends with the women are just as equally interesting and engaging and they comfortably interact without making you prove you are worthy to talk or not talk to them like some bw do. They may see your hair and compliment or not and it's just organic interaction. I don't think bw are any more desperate to be loved any more than anyone other group of women. I will say we are tired of being considered as the one group that doesn't need love, that self reliant, I don't need any man came from all the abuse and neglect and lack of empathy from BM. It's like they purposefully do it because someone hurt them and now all bw must pay! There is always a feeling of somebody wanting to check your black card or see if you measure up to their standards and when you aren't the black conformist, they can tell and immediately shun you and for a group who constantly speaks against other groups being racist and bias towards them, they are the biggest judges of their own! It's natural human instinct to go where you are embraced for what you like and who you are. People who like boats, join boat clubs and that's the same way for bikers and car nerds. You wouldn't see them join a Yahtzee club or gambling ring. BW are just going where they feel the most organic and accepted. This dedicated to your own crap is played out and suppressing. Who wants to live their whole life and pray you find that one man who doesn't cheat, respects you, understands how to make money grow and treats you as the most wonderful thing & isn't down low!? Life is too short for all that nonsense. Getting worn and God is tired of you down on your knees every night begging him to help Tyrone be a better man or for you to actually meet some respectful women to be friends with instead of the money leeches who are jealous of your good job and new home/apt or intimidated about how you are always happy and carefree instead of humbling themselves to try and follow your footsteps in how to find their own true happiness . Stop trying to look like what they say is good enough and marry who they deem is the "blackest" of brothers and go be where you can really BE! Be happy, be whole, be loved, be celebrated, be congratulated, be silly, be funny, be goofy, be spiritual, be relaxed, be authentic, be comforted, be totally vulnerable and in love babygirl! Yes go be where you can BE. Forget this messy mean girl antics and fake hierarchy. So I will wear my wigs and I will do my best to look they way I deem looks good and not the newest black trend, my edges will stay flowing in the wind, no gel, in all their spiral 4c glory.

All I got from this (even before you said it at the end) is that a man is going to want you for your authentic self. Men who are attracted to black women are attracted to them for their natural features, that includes their natural hair. I’ve noticed this too when I was actively dating, I would get more compliments whenever I’d wear my hair curly vs straight. But if you prefer wearing your hair in a wig or straightened/relaxed obviously do what makes you feel the most beautiful!

I feel like the tiktok girl at 17:55 could be my best friend 😊. She wouldn't hate on me for listening to contemporary piano, she wouldn't shame me for my pronunciation, she would accept that i enjoy kelly clarkson music and despise superlong nails. Does anyone else get that vibe?

I can't believe how people think. We are doomed for the future.

I have a friend who’s black and she’s and her sister are adopted by white people. I live in a majority Black Country so most adopted kids are black and it’s not weird. Anyway, I used to wonder why the black kids adopted by white parents always had such “unkempt hair” according to the black community. I used to think that it was due to the fact that these white parents didn’t really care for their kids BUT as I grow older I noticed that the reason why this would happen is due to the fact that the white community often don’t have to manipulate their hair and lean more into liking the natural as compared to the black community. So my friends were allowed to present themselves as naturally as possible without it being ridiculed by their adoptive family.

After dating men of every race over the years, my husband & the father of our 2 sons has been accepting of me from the jump, and even helps me take my weave out 🤣 Whether my hair is in its shrunken state, braids, headband wig during pregnancy, etc. there was never any pressure to do or be anything I'm not. Race didn't affect my decision to be with him, and he'd say the same...it just so happens that he's not black

13:32 This woman just seems like she's living like a princess, and I just kind of adore how she has a man who seems to be really into her and does all these things for her.

People putting too much thought on this nonsense. Too much time on their hands 😅

I'm 63 years old and have been married to my husband, ( white,) since I was 58. We met when he visited our church. I wasn't wearing a hard wig, but I did wear a ponytail because I work out a lot. It's just easier to wear it that way. As one becomes older, choices become slimmer. At the age I was when I met my husband, all the good black men were already married. In addition, for whatever reason I wasn't attracting any divorced black men. I wanted to get remarried though, so I was over worrying about race. My now husband pursued me, ponytail and all. It just so happened that he had recently inherited quite a bit of money and was looking for a WIFE, period. And there I was. Now that we're married, I have many wigs. 😂😅 After I come from the gym and want to get myself together, I'll put one on. My husband doesn't give a damn about my hair. However I wear it, he isn't tripping about perfection. He loves me however I am. Fat, skinny, makeup on, makeup off, whatever. I don't have to be perfect for him. That's what love is about, acceptance; whether your wig/hair looks right or not.

You fit the black woman beauty standards

Exactly!!!!!! I wear “hard wigs” because I honestly don’t care. My hair is the last thing I’m thinking about. I can’t with the Black levels of hygiene, beauty, and perfection. The criticism is wack and these are mean girls. Let’s not let mean girls define Black girls.

I hate that blk ppl question your blackness if anything you should be one of the faces of the black community because you are excellent. ❤

I think this theory is also connected to the “white men appreciate natural black hair” as well. White men tend to go for black women who don’t feel like they have to adhere to the white beauty standards. If u wanted to be with a white women with straight hair then that’s what he would go for 🤷🏽‍♀️

I’m 23, grew up in a predominantly white neighborhood. In my opinion white men like the “effortless look”. If you look like you spend hours getting ready in the morning that’s kind of the opposite of the beauty standard. That’s why the “hard wig” is so attractive to them because it looks more natural. And before anyone comes for me I am currently in a relationship with a black man and living the softest and most beautiful life I could ask for❤️

WMBW couples are so rare that it’s quite dumb to try to make generalized statements.

This topic is so interesting. I remember a different creator talking about the different men she attracts depending on her hairstyle. When it came to an old wig, she said it attracted older men usually, but not white men necessarily. I never really thought about it, but I found it interesting. The whole hair thing in general can be exhausting. The need to get picked has really ruined people. Nothing a pick me hates more than someone who gets picked despite not performing to certain standards they feel are needed to be picked. It is sad and hilarious. This 20:48! Learning this early in life is so beneficial to anyone's well-being. Also, this 20:25.

The verses and affirmations are always refreshing...thank you.

4:45 This TikTok bothers me way more than it should because it's not just the hard wig, it's the whole look (heavy blush, red lipstick, cleavage, the hands-on-hips pose)... that are all things I've been doing since I was a teenager. I'm convinced that the point is just bullying awkward black girls.

This topic is so intriguing to me

I grew up a “Cosby” kid. IE 2 college educated parent household in the suburbs, went it a Intergrated college and dated white European guys in college. When I got serious about getting married I dated good black men exclusively and was single for 20+yrs. My auntie, who marched and did sit ins in the 60’s said to a group of single black women, including me, “Y’all single waiting on black men to marry you. Start dating outside your race because it’s not gonna happen if you keep on with brothers”. She’s married to a black man and her son married a black woman but I decided to keep an open mind. I met a wonderful man from Australia and we’ve been married for 10yrs. He’s not rich and I don’t wear a wig but he likes me for me and vice versa. We need to stop thinking of marrying a black man as a prize because it’s holding many of us back from finding companionship.

I hate the perpetual perpetuated idea that blk women who date out in comparison to how we are least likely to, is “because” we “aren’t as connected to our blk roots”. I’m sick of hearing that. I crushed on that Hispanic boy in elementary school bc he was cute as heck. Not because of racial blk politics and “lack of” compatibility with fiting into the small definition of “blackness” my parents are from Africa. And the American definition of blackness doesn’t have much to do with the African ancestry or culture. Just basketball, football, rap/r&b, etc. I find that weird and annoying. By default the African American community never saw me as “black enough” which is funny bc I have African parents and culture surround me and grew up in, yes a predominantly whyte environment - but one that was fairly mixed in with Hispanics of different races, Caribbean, Asian, African American, and African kids. I found that blk kids, as they grew older and had small minded definitions of “blkness” pushed onto them, started to hate more and more on blk kids who didn’t fit into those made up definitions. I was one of those. I didn’t fit into speaking a certain type of way, listening to only 2 blk genres of music, and playing a select few sports so I started to fit in less and less with them. Doesn’t mean I hated them, but it was hard bc they didn’t think I should be interested with different activities, etc. It’s also interesting how it’s normal for other demographics - even blk men to step out with little over analysis as to why, but as blk women, people have a hard time believing we can be attracted to, and are attractive to any other type of person. My darkskinned Indian friend liked a Korean boy and I never scolded her like many blk ppl would do to me for liking someone of another race and culture.

Speaking about “soft life” could you do a video about how being in your “soft girl era” is trending a lot right now? I feel like that’s just women wanting to live their life like an influencer…🤷🏽‍♀️ go to the gym, go to target, do “clean girl makeup”, make salmon and white rice for dinner, etc. 😂 like let’s stop labeling things that don’t need it. Like people saying “mocha brownie lip” it’s just brown lip liner and clear gloss…cmon now

Girllllll I feel this!! So tired of seeing dating conversations lol I scroll/swipe right on by 😂 (minus this)

Great content. I totally agree with the sentiment that the hard wig girls are comfortable in their black features and natural hair. Men tend to be attracted to confident women.

The sound is working fine, you look beautiful btw

I’m a White man who likes all women including Black women! We like our women natural and happy! Save the wig for someone who doesn’t have any hair. We love you for who you are not some made up persona or image. The last thing I want is a woman who is constantly observing about her hair limiting us of where we can go and what we can do! If we love you as a black women and many of us do then we love you for who you are. We want the real deal so don’t hide your natural beauty let us enjoy it!

With the white girls have more fun on trips is true in my opinion because when I went to a camp we got to go to a water fall and they said whoever can stay under it the longest gets an extra ice cream scoop but I couldn’t do it because I had locs in my hair…it’s kinda sad but I’m used to it now 💀

It’s rare to find a Christian that shares Christianity that isn’t toxic or pushy. You brighten my day, and I love your quotes and verses

As a black women married to a white man that is criticized by family strangers and friends alike for my family, I love this❤ you a real one Toni

This was the video I needed !! You’ve done it once again girl! 🤍🤍🤍

I think it's about signalling. the same way you can look at certain ww and tell they ONLY date bm ie: urban clothing, super long nails, certain hairstyles and if that ww is a certain size that signals to bm subconsciously that I'm "available/open to dating bm" the same way when a bw doesn't have a big butt, is slim, brown-dark skinned, talks a certain way......that signals to wm that they're open to dating wm. I had a wm say that he doesn't like the " love n hip hop" aesthetic because he can't bring that woman around his friends and family. things that wm hate in women, black males LOVE and things bm hate in women wm LOVE.

I’m natural 90% of the time and wear a headband wig that costs $20 from Amazon to get fancy from time to time. So I may not be the best judge in this case 😂😂

This was really enlightening. I was confused as to what a “hard wig” was when these videos started appearing on my feed 😂

Wow! The scrutiny on this lady's wig is crazy. I saw that video some time ago and while I find the color of the wig a bit distracting, the overall look of the lady is cute, and I like her personality. I think that's how men work, they aren't caring about edges because their lady is having fun and so he's having fun. My hair is natural and sometimes my fro is wild looking. When I wear wigs I pop it ok. My white husband doesn't care. I think only wig enthusiasts care about this and people that care a lot about what people think. I care what people think sometimes, but I don't let it dictate my life. I got things to do😅

I think it’s generational, some people are accustomed to the melted in lace, others have grown up with extensions and tape ins, and back in the day….well who tf knows 😂 I do think men are influenced by the women they’ve been around growing up. Not who they’ve dated. I don’t know if that makes sense. If your wig isn’t as snatched or the same as their mothers or sisters they’re gonna find it weird. Tell me I’m wrong

11:50 but is it that deep?😂😂 like damn just because her wig is crooked and chad likes it, that means she’s gonna get taken advantage of? lol 12:43 I agree that chads just assume you’re less maintenance if you walk around with your hair looking crazy😂

22:56 FREE WOMEN 😂 I hate opening TT & seeing all these how to get a man commentary.

They hating cause they tend to like more afro features. they also love natural hair but nobody talking about that

i just start watching but i have to pause and come here to say i love your dress in this video! and you always present yourself so graceful and elegant, just like how you maneuver your content 🤍 love it!!

I can not believe this is a video topic and I’m here for it 😂❤

I was confused when people said they were taking out box braids after 1-2 months

This is… interesting. I’m definitely a “mediocre black woman”. Emphasis on the ‘ocre’ bc I look like an ogre first thing in the morning. 😂 All jokes aside, I’m very average. I don’t know how else to put it. 🤷🏽‍♀️ I wear minimal makeup & shop wherever has cute items plus a good deal. I do lots of hairstyles. I make sure my hair looks good but it’s not that $700 wig install look. I wear my natural hair, or straightened (like I have it now), wigs, braids, twists. I accessorize minimally with usually costume jewelry. I look put together but never ✨extra✨I certainly care about my appearance & keep up with it but I’ve never cared so much that it consumes my life. I will never achieve the instagram baddie look, nor do I want to. I’m 25 & have only recently started trying out this dating stuff. It ain’t fun so far lol but it’s primarily white men who I get attention from & it’s also primarily white men who I’m attracted to. After watching this video I’m just like… hmm 🤨 If there’s truth to this, am I really that crispy crunchy crusty dusty??!? 👀😂

This was an excellent breakdown ❤

Great video! I’d say you do fit black female beauty standards, you’re just more refined and not aligned with hip hop culture. I am a black woman who was called weird growing up for having interests that didn’t align with the black collective. I enjoyed anime and alternative music before it was “cool” and “acceptable” for black people, especially women to enjoy these things. I was also called white for speaking well with limited slang words, and not being concerned about my hair. Always had black girls asking me “when I was going to do my hair?” And they were very critical of my awkward dress sense and hairstyles, however, I’ve always been very curvy (very big booty), so always attracted black men who hypersexualised me but found my lack of care for “black female beauty standards” hard to deal with or at least would attempt to encourage me to align myself with them. I’m a care free black woman and I wear that proudly. I also like being around other care free black women who don’t identify so heavily with their hair especially, but where I live they’re hard to find and unfortunately, I don’t gel well with women who aren’t care free in that regard as they will always find me weird and I will always find them rigid. I presume men, regardless of race, will feel similarly, but especially white men who enjoy more adventurous activities. I used to find the stereotype funny, but I do now think the mockery is rooted in envy and frustration around unsuccessfully dating black men and seeing black women they believe to be lesser attractive than them, be rewarded with a comfortable relationship and lifestyle.

You addressed this so well! 🫰🫰🫰

Can u talk about the down fall of "The Boss Girl"

I've seen where they like it more when we have braids. My crush even told me he missed when I had braids(in school when I was starting perming). Some like it when you don't have natural hair

Its weird Paired mush have a lot of advert money since they are throwing around ads to a bunch of RU-vidrs this month

The joke is more so a white man wont tell you that you’re out here looking crazy. Like the saying “you can tell they don’t have black friends”. When you’re around other black people we will tell you hey that doesn’t look the best on you maybe try this. Do what works for you. It’s just sometimes you can tell who might be in an interracial relationship. Personally my husband is not letting me leave the house in a crunchy wig or at least he will tell me 😂

I think they did kenniejd soooo dirty on twitter when she brought this up. Even as a dark skinned black woman, those were the people I was hearing that joke/theory from. It didn’t come from a place of “making fun” (even though it’s turned into that), but from black women speaking on their own real experiences about the attention they receive from white men when their wigs don’t look great. I think there’s a clear difference in referencing that and even not realizing how the same people who brought the jokes to TikTok are now offended by it, and using this to trash black women who can’t lay a wig. I had no idea anyone even found this offensive til now and they straight up attacked her. The reaction was so disgusting, like people were waiting to for her to slip up so they could go off

As someone who often presents in a more alternative way, I often don’t feel that safe in black spaces that I‘m not used to. It’s the disses and questioning of my blackness, it’s the pointing out of every little little detail about me, the way I speak the way I dress and especially the way my hair looks. It comes from everyone the church friend, the auntie, the boy you just met. If I mention in a conversation that I have a boyfriend it’s assumed that he’s white. He is but why is it assumed and why is that a reason to make fun of me? It’s also always assumed that I hate myself or black people in general if it couldn’t be further from the truth. My boyfriend is white because it happened to be the case. I liked him, he liked me it’s that easy. If you don’t fit within the confinement of the „appropriate“ black womanhood black man won’t find you attractive and tell you that straight up into your face (if they kind,lol) so I often found myself changing my core self, whenever I dated a black man, because I was tired with those Oreo allegations or I met that person on gatherings where I would fit more into that mold to avoid arguments with my mother. If you not presenting like we expect you to black people can be really vile. And it’s not even just an American thing, I‘m German no matter where you at black people fosho gonna tell you how you should look and live your life.

I love when you speak on topics that have been circulating the internet because you always bring refreshing and thought provoking takes! It was jarring hearing how dating outside your race can be emblematic of a disconnect with the black community but it's so true. Whether it is by choice, being ousted or simply not in proximity to the black community, there's is a sense of internal otherness that begins to flourish. I wish more folks questioned the source of that otherness instead of putting black women down for trying to find a space for themselves. Honestly I feel like I've spent my entire life trying to be accepted by black people, despite being raised and surrounded entirely by black people from 0-15. To be told that you're "acting white" or "not black enough" sucks. To experience racism and harm from yt people to only be told you're yt by you peers is a genuine mindfuck, lol. I've never dated a black person and I think a lot of that was just a fuck you to my community. Like fine if y'all don't want to fuck with me, I'll just find someone who will. But years of operating in that energy and in those spaces is so exhausting and extremely isolating. I think the laid wig/hard wig conversation is so interesting too because at one point, wearing ur hair natural had the same implication as a hard wig. Somehow that energy changed and the girlies who couldn't prove their blackness with laid edges could prove it with that natural hair. There is more than one way to be a black women!!! 😭😭 I wish we would stop punishing black women for being individuals lmao.

even the irene malin video made me ?? because she's British Cameroonian so like she has an African aunty wig... literally not even that bad as a West African

Amazing video as always❣

I didn’t think the trend all the way through, there were great talking points!

Loved the quote& hair is laiddddd

Myyy mouth has been hanging open this wholleee videoooo GURLLLLLL!!!!

As a white women who grew up in a small community that was all black except me & the Hispanic family across the street. I can say I have seen girls get bullied for having their hair not done. I have curly hair myself with a mom who didn't know how to do hair besides put it up or let it sit down. I also got bullied, I remember getting beat up at 6 year olds by other 6 year olds. Then my older brother told me to just hit them hard back & you'll be fine. So I finally hit the girl back & pulled her weave out screaming about whose hair looks bad down. I ended up getting highly accepted for fighting. My best friend from 4th grade ended up seeing me do that & I guess she always wanted to be my friend. Found out she was mixed, her mom looked more like me & she got made fun of for the same things as me alongside not feeling like belonging to any race. Colorism was the worst for her cause she was too light (she was way darker than me though). Anyways we ended carrying each other to now, almost 11 years later. She ended up having a white boyfriend & they just got engaged which weirdly made sense. Considering her father dropped her off at my house with a bike handle bar lodged into her stomach while she was puking stomach bile & blood. So she definitely had some healing to do with her black side & I felt awful for her. It was easier for me being white in this community cause my mom was absolutely batshit shooting mice in trees & holding a dagger to a guys throat when trying to break in securing our home. Mixed with my brother & I ready to kill anyone for our other siblings (I was living with 5 of my 7 siblings). I remember some kid threw my little sister into a chair & I just hurt him. It really made me aggressive, but I was able to protect my best friend who struggled herself more. Being hated by both sides. Anyways my point is I have seen black people be so harsh to each other as young as second grade over looks. Which had led to others feeling left out of they didn't fit that standard. Definitely couldn't imagine having to live up to that daily

This is such an interesting video. Thank you!

I love this conversation and you put your point about not adhering to “black” beauty standards so well. Thank you!

I’m listening but that BLUSH👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾

So many good points in this video. I'm glad I'm married to a black man who values my natural hair and beauty over any external or artificial thing I could ever put on. He loves it when I'm authentically myself - flaws and all. I definitely won the lottery and I wish this for more black women.

I love black hair, I get so jealous of the hairstyles possible. I have 1 haircut that looks good on me. I can't imagine literally doing anything I want with it. And yall have the best hair thickening oils.

Actually no one prefers any women in any kind of wig, good or bad, cheap or expensive, one that looks fake or real. And that is the TRUTH. Now y’all can get all offended, so take it or leave it. But men don’t like wigs, they like actual real live hair. Just like you don’t want a man who removes his beard at night.

Toni I love your goofiness girl 💜😂. Love your vids!!!