“We panic over money but spend $84K on travel & shopping” 

<a href="#" class="seekto" data-time="0">00:00</a> Download the Conscious Spending Plan so you can use your money GUILT-FREE: iwt.com/csp-youtube Please remember: These are real people who had the courage to come on my podcast and ask for help. Would you be willing to come on this podcast and share every detail of your financial life? Feel free to leave comments based on what you think, but remember that we are here to help in a supportive way, not to demean and criticize.

Honestly Maddie feels like a series of red flags. She could just work with Paul to cut back on spending for a bit and give him a chance to find a job that doesn’t deteriorate his mental health. They don’t have kids, their fixed costs are reasonable, just dial it back- it should be that easy. Instead she continues to spend and pressured Paul because resources are scarce. I’d run if I were him.

Yes he needs a job. But putting his mental wellbeing over the unwillingness to cut back on frivolous spending is WILD.

I can’t relate to these people. On one income alone they are still making almost 20k/ month with 11k net. If you can’t live comfortably on that, it’s not a money problem, it’s a you problem.

One income isn’t the problem. 263k is literally plenty! This is an example of enough is never enough.

He’s only been unemployed for a month and a half. Unemployment happens. There needs to be a plan for when that happens and how long each partner is comfortable carrying the financial load and how they will scale back as a couple during that time.

Very relatable episode. "Be very careful about taking on labour from your partner. It sets a precedent and it has bigger ramifications than most of us think about."

Good example of money doesn't buy happiness.

To all y’all in the comments saying how “unrelatable” this is because of their high income and high net worth…LISTEN UP. This episode is you, just making more money. Ramit, Maddie, and Paul just gave you the gift of a crystal ball. Say it with me: how you manage, interact with, and feel about your money does NOT automatically change when you increase your income. Overspend now? Stressed now? If those issues go deeper than “I cannot afford my basic necessities”, THIS IS YOUR FUTURE WITH MORE MONEY. Now go finish the episode, and then say thank you.

I like the moment where Ramit humbled them and explained that they were living a 600-800k lifestyle. Despite them being high earners, they’re spending too much to keep up with the Joneses (just in a much more lucrative way than the average earner). They’re young and their income will only go up from here. But if they build a great foundation/investment portfolio now, they’ll set themselves up for life.

Stop normalizing these insane Instagram lifestyles!! True friends say, "NO, I can't afford it." True friendships and relationships can be enjoyed without having to spend a fortune!

It always amazes me when people don't follow up. A simple "thank you Ramit, you've given me alot to think about and I'm not sure what changes if any I'm going to make but I appreciate your time." There so many other people that could have benefitted from a convo with Ramit that may have been passed up. The least people can do is show appreciation afterwards.

I wish they broke down their “guilt free” spending into clearer line items and planned for it in advance. $7000 is a lot of money to spend thoughtlessly. Not to mention there is NO line item for the wedding…

This is a good example of how people with money can be just as foolish financially as those without. They’re in for a rude awakening if they have kids.

If this is what they’re like at the engagement stage imagine 10 years married with 2 kids under 5. They have to start thinking as a team especially her.

She has a scarcity mindset and then massively overspends. What a mess...

I get how it can be uncomfortable to be providing for someone you're not married to but if you're committed to it, you have to be realistic about what you're earning and what you're spending. Either Paul gets a job or you change your lifestyle

Things took a turn when they got to the CSP! Paul is so down to earth saying, it's way more than he thought he'd ever have at this point in his life, and Maddie just blows it off like they're struggling middle class. They're solidly in the in top 10% for their age.

I'm 34 eating pancakes for lunch on the floor of my new (rented) (furniture-less) studio apartment. I don't understand these people.

The fact that she makes 20k a month and still has a car payment is just stupid..... Some people are just out of this world no matter how much money they make

Honestly speaking, having LARGE WEDDINGS are just ridiculous. I get that people dream about it, and they go into it thinking like it'll be the best day of their lives, etc, etc. But if you really can't afford, then is it really worth it? Do you really want to go into further debt because of it? Do you really need to invite everyone!? In today's society, there is just too much emphasis put into the idea of having a grand wedding. It's become a monetary black hole for most people. Life would be much better if you have a simpler wedding, and instead spend the money on vacations, experiences and investments.

Based on her lack of providing an update, I highly doubt changes will be made. Typically younger people caught up in the lifestyle of keeping up with friends rarely change -- because it's a mentality that's hard to get out of. Their friendship dynamics would drastically change if they weren't able to socially engage at the same level as their circle of friends, and clearly that's something that's very important to them.

I see some viewers complaining about hosting wealthy couples, claiming they do not relate to them. I like hearing about rich people money problems ! Most of us, if we are not wealthy, do not have wealthy friends or family. If we do, money topic is avoided as fire, it is a huge taboo. Wealthy people avoid talking deeply about money at all cost, and their unwealthy friends / acquaintances are afraid to bring the subject for many reason but one of them not wanting the wealth gap become an obstacle and alienator and the identity of the relationship. If not for those incredibly brave and unusual couples we wouldn't have a chance to witness them being super honest and vulnerable. about their finances and feelings about them. It is always good to learn from people who are ahead of you, to see their perspective and fears so you can start imagining if you would resemble them if you were to find yourself in their shoes and learn ahead of time what their mistakes So bring them all on !

This is another example of why you need to have a financial discussion prior to committing to someone.

I sense little compassion from her regarding his needs. He is not even allow to have a short break. Her controlling ways are alarming. How would she handle an emergency? Like a health emergency? Their earnings are high and they could afford a couple of months off (gathering thoughts, regrouping so he could easily go into a new job). I feel she is one of those people who is rarely satisfied and nothing is ever enough!

83k for a 120 person wedding is absolutely insane. Over $650 per person? She is her own worst enemy

Okay, I was suuuuper impressed with their investments but if they inherited a quarter ($200k) that invested over 10 years at 8% = $431k… meaning they’ve invested less than $200k on two incomes which is still great! But certain not as impressive/inspiring. Im so happy Ramit explored the inheritance portion

The fact that they paused so long when Ramit asked them "Whats more important, travelling to other peoples weddings or your wedding?" and Paul seemed like he didn't even want to answer the question before Maddie speaks volumes.... yikes. They're incredibly misaligned in priorities and they haven't even tied the knot yet.

We paid 20k for a 160 person wedding. No one cares about how fancy it is. It's the people not the event. Go big and go cheap

When the inheritance bomb dropped hahahaaaa I KNEW IT

you need to be cautious when you run in a friend/family group that spend heavily on trips and weddings. The price of admission to that group is also spending. And if you don't keep up with them, you could be pushed to the side. People have to decide what is important to them.

So the issue here I think is that she is not willing to support him, emotionally and financially for her prospective husband when he is down. They are not even married yet and this is already occurring. You are in the honeymoon phase, but her actions are not promising. If the roles were reversed and he is doing what she is doing the wedding would be called off. From my personal situation, when my wife was mistreated at work, I told her immediately to quit her job if that's what she wants. I cared more about honoring my wife than money. I personally feel if things are reversed, my wife would say the same thing even though her income would not be able to keep us afloat. At least she would be supportive emotionally, and try to make sacrifices where she could. I personally feel that type of loyalty is what counts when looking for a partner. I do however understand the insecurity part when there's a single income and your wife and child counts on your income, but that's the normal state for any man worth their salt.

These situations are always so sad. Sacrificing peace and stability for more material things is not worth it. While I understand that we are all influenced by our peers, being an adult means that you need to be realistic with what you can and can't afford. Him being out of a job for A SINGLE MONTH shouldn't cause this level of stress at their income levels (they aren't worried about being homeless or losing health insurance, they are worried about taking less trips and having to downsize their wedding). Like the saying goes, tell me what your problems are and ill tell you who you are...

Respecfully, Paul deserves a better partner. It's not like he is some ambitionless lazy couch potato. After 2 high demanding stressful jobs he's totally burned out, just look at him, he looks miserable (sorry Paul, saying this with love, but it def shows). Of course he wants to take it slow. But instead of supporting him, his future wife keeps nagging the heck out of him. After only 1,5months. And for what ??? They make 20K/month on one income! Of course, Maddie has every right to want to live a luxurious life. But it seems that lifestyle and social status are more important to her than Paul himself. Marriage is supposed to be for better or worse. Your "worse" is happening now and it's not looking great for you two. Your wedding is in Sept 2025. Still enough time to reconsider. Just saying 🙌

Fellow American living in London. Why do they even have a car payment? The tube, taxis/ubers and renting cars for day trips periodically is way more affordable and sanity saving. With that rent they should be living near a tube line for a 1-2 bedroom even with our bonkers rental market.

They don’t seem well matched. She definitely wants to keep up with the Jones. Throw a few kids into the mix would be a disaster.

He is burnt out, it is definitely not laziness. He needs to heal from the trauma that he went through. Micromanaging only leads to overwhelm

She wants to marry a corporate lawyer 🤦‍♀️ He's a great guy if he walked away from making all that money to prioritize his well being. She IS NOT the right person for him if that is his life long goal. I hope the best for him.

There’s no way the inheritance only made up 1/3 of their investments. They were investing 1-2k a month, that wouldn’t make up the other 450k given their ages and his now unemployment. I think they may be taking more credit than they’ve earned and haven’t factored in how much the inheritance has grown on its own.

Why didn’t we get into Paul’s background? He was let off the hook- he is spending just as much as her, but is simultaneously looking to “find his bliss” through work while expecting her to carry the entire financial load.

This is just an identity problem. She can't stop spending because she sees that as losing, currently. Since humans will never admit to an identity change... let's call it an enhancement. If she can begin directing her energy into becoming smart with money that will work and be more marketable to herself and her community. Being smart with money is reputable.

I don’t understand the hate on Paul for being a slacker or lazy…he’s burnt from work and he’s unemployed for 1.5month????? he can take a break for a few months if not even longer if he needs that. I don’t see there’s anything wrong with getting back to email late for a job cuz he doesn’t want to work or want a corporate lawyer job for now.

I was listening to this in the car and unfortunately I do relate to a lot of what Maddie speaks of in terms of financial anxiety and having parents who swing in opposite directions in terms of finances. But when I tell yall the "WTF" moment I had when I heard how much money she brings in a month....hahaha how humbling it was to hear of someone who makes that much and still has the same feelings as I do. Ramit said it best, how we feel about money isn't correlated to how much money we have in the bank!!

Thank you for showing high earners as well. I appreciate all the videos but it’s helpful to see that having money doesn’t suddenly change people’s financial habits.

So instead of just cutting spending, she’s going to try and force him to make a rash job decision? This is not teamwork

They shouldn’t have combined finances before marriage. He would have had to plan ahead and save up on his own before leaving the job and it is putting extra stress on her having to provide for him when they aren’t even legally married yet.

50k wedding proposed to her and she says id rather not have a wedding. How romantic. Tney are probably nice people but they are a little spoiled too.

They're just trying to keep up a lifestyle they can't afford; they already know what they need to do. If they cut back on pointless spending (i.e. consumer goods), they could easily save and invest more

If they had a friend that was unable to attend their wedding due to a job loss, I'm sure they would understand. They should expect the same in return from their friends.

You can really start to tell she’s starting to lose respect for the guy and I honestly feel bad for him. She is either going to leave him or make him feel smaller and smaller and more pathetic. Sadly.

I think even when Paul gets a job this couple still needs to cut back on things. Because when the next emergency comes they won't be able to survive on one income

I don’t think we keep up with the Joneses to a ridiculous extent… Says the couple loving paycheck to paycheck on $250k and thinking $120k for a wedding is okay. And a good chunk of their investments are from inheritance.

Zero percent chance Paul will truly be happy in this toxic/micromanagement relationship. Maddie's salary isn't everything. She'd sing a different tune if the roles were reversed.

I do feel like these are not getting wrapped up well recently and not sure why. Maybe the couples have a tight deadline but I wish they could really dig into what the hell their plan is. They seemed to have no solutions by the end.

I empathize with them and relate very much to this couple. My husband and I are in a similar age group and in a very quick time-span, our income doubled. We both grew up in households where money was scarce, so there was a sense of wanting to do it all, now that we technically had the cash. Though it was a different set of social expectations, we spent so much, mindlessly. We never had to think about how we were gonna eat or pay a bill, but we didn't have a cushion either. Now that we've spent the last year focusing on our financial wellbeing, we understand exactly what Ramit means when he says that having more money will not automatically solve our problems. In that time, we also had to make some hard choices about our wedding, and opted for a small wedding with just immediate family. Some dreams were lost with that one, but our long term future is worth it.

Number ONE rule for success: marry the RIGHT person! 😉

These two are not a good match. She was expecting a successful lawyer as a partner to be her equal and have the life she dreamed of. He is having a hard time figuring out what he wants to do and is not too concerned about the things she wants in life. They do not belong together and will be unhappy in this marriage if it goes forward. I hope she doesn't marry him just because it's expected. Stop and think about it before you make a huge mistake.

I’m an old lady 70 y/o. Things I think never change with regards to gender… women don’t respect men that don’t have a job or don’t earn an income. Even if they both decide he gets to stay home with the kids… eventually, if he doesn’t make money, things change!!!

It is so interesting how even among high earners, the approach to wealth and money psychology can be so different. My best friend is slightly younger with similar income to Maddie, but she budgets actively to make charitable contribution to society and chooses travel destinations based on carbon footprint and the impact on the local community instead of social pressure. It looks like Maddie, although she spends more money on herself with a similar budget, has a harder time feeling content with her wealth compared to my friend.

This is an expense problem not a revenue problem. In a healthy relationship, he (or her if the scenario were reversed) should be able to spend 6-9 months looking for the perfect job (that doesn't cause trauma and health problems). She should be supportive during this process and not cause more unnessesary stress. This is how people die of heart attacks at 40.

This girl knows exactly who she is.. Now she doesn't change her actions, but at least she is true to herself.

yes you are guilty of lifestyle creep, but that doesnt mean you can sustain it

Scarcity mindset? Where???

This couple feels very relatable to myself and my fiance. We are both dentists with friends around the country, as well as many similar-aged siblings and cousins we are extremely close with. We’ve attended about 20 weddings over the past 3 years as It feels impossible to say no to people we love so much. It has set us behind in our savings goals, and has limited our ability to take vacations for ourselves as essentially all of our travel is for other people’s special day. It feels like every time we get ahead, another invitation arrives in the mail. It is a really difficult cycle to break, but we are trying by having a very small 15 person wedding for ourselves, which many of our friends have given us a hard time about. All this to say that it’s a lot easier said than done to function outside of the norm of your social circle.

Ask her if she feels like she is running out of time. This sounds like a couple are aware they are young, without kids, making a ton of money and spending KNOWING that the second they are married or have kids, the trips and parties are going to stop. They openly admitted that when they have kids and grow they will greatly exceed their current (already overinflated) lifestyle, and it would be basically untenable unless they change. Paul sees that they have money and they don't have to rush if they make changes, and everything will be ok. Maddie feels like a stock broker watching the line go up, and attempting to time the market bubble popping. She wants it all before the music stops.

One important improvement they should consider investing time in is being able to say no before they have kids. Glad Ramit touched on it at the end.

The reality is you guys could legit save 50% of your income and be work optional in 2-3 years. Maybe even less if you could do more. Also your wedding and the “people” you want to invite will not be around in 10 yrs especially as you have kids. You’ll regret that money wasted on one day. Your portfolio growing should be #1 priority so you don’t need to stress about babies, childcare or anything else down the road. Really think about your future self in 5 years. As a corporate working woman who now has a child your entire identity will change OVERNIGHT and you may not even want to work and stay home. You’ll thank yourself for at LEAST the option even if you decide to work.

When you’re rich but your friends are richer so then you try to look as rich as they are and then you feel poor.

Ramit really needs to do an overall episode on what “power couple” means, and how to define it in the context of a rich life. I feel way too often, people go into a relationship with that goal and spend like it thinking power couple just means “make a lot of money.” Then when the going gets rough for one or the other, the other partner can’t adjust their expectations/habits or support the other partner because they’re just disappointed that partner isn’t meeting their expectations set. I feel that’s the case here where Maddie went into this thinking they’d be a power couple and then when her partner is going through a tough spell now, she doesn’t seem supportive or willing to adjust her expectations/spending. That wedding just seems insane.

“You can have anything you want, you just can’t have everything you want at the same time.” “Want what you want but buy what you can afford.”

I thought $7k/month on vacations was mind-blowing, but I then remembered I'm paying around $7k/month in student loans freely just so I can have them paid off by the end of this year 😅

I spent 150 dollars for our wedding because we were really struggling at the time. We didn’t rent anything, just did it at home and I made all the food and baked cupcakes instead of a cake! We had a great time with all of our loved ones ❤ I think the most important thing is to make the memories not how much you spend at the party

It really seems like they have a relationship/compatibility problem rather than financial. Resentment is already palpable and you can see that they are trying to understand each other surely out of love but it could be a good sign to really pause. She deserves to have what she thinks she should have from a partner and from life, and so does the guy deserves to take the time and figure what he wants from life and be supported for it no matter how it looks like. Hope that both would take the time to reflect on their relationship and their own selves. Wishing them the best.

Yeah I can’t get through this one. She is stressing me the hell out.

Hypergamy and Briffault’s Law. Women get married for “better and richer” not for worse and poorer. The reason it’s in the vows is because we struggle with it. I saw a stat onetime that said a woman’s idea of an equal partner is a man that makes 50% more than them. Applying that math, she’s pulling in $250k and she’s wanting her partner to pull in $375k+. Before you ignore my point ask yourself if the shoe fits? What did Ramit say… you’re living a $600-$800k lifestyle which is exactly where she wants to be and how she is operating. This guy trying to lock her down with an engagement/marriage and then resigning afterwards is suspect. Almost like he knew what the deal was going to be with her and he’s trying to leverage her into a commitment while then under delivering on his end. It’s pretty apparent what she wants and what she expects and she’s a heavy hitter in her own right. This guy might just be out of his weight class. You can’t expect v12 performance out of a v6. Nothing wrong with a v6, it will get the job done but if you expect it perform as a v12 you will be disappointed and the v6 will burnout trying to perform at a level it isn’t designed to. If she wants v12 performance she should court a v12. A killer in his early 30s putting in 80 hour weeks (who won’t have time to travel) or a guy in his 40s that has already made it. The problem with those types of men is that they are very disagreeable and there’s very little room for negotiation. You’re either on their program or you’re out. Likewise, a v6 shouldn’t try to be something it is not. He just needs to be candid about his goals and objectives and what he is willing to bring to the table. I get the sense that he’s trying to make her happy or hang onto her while she’s accelerating away from him in terms of her desires and expectations. Better to have some introspection and be very candid about what the expectations are and what we’re willing to bring to the table. It was said a couple of times but there is a big misalignment here that needs to be resolved.

Sometimes I’m frustrated watching these vids because people can be clueless on what they can spend. The whole rich life concept works when you have the means versus what you think you deserve. Proud of Ramit calling it like it is on this one.

I hope Paul and Maddie watch their episode and really see how wealthy they are. And spending $120k on a wedding with 120 guests means they are spending $1000 per person. Absolutely ridiculous IMO. No one will remember anything besides the food.

Allow me to play devil's advocate for a moment. If the roles were reversed, how do you think she would react if he behaved this way towards her? She's revealing her true character before marriage. If you decide to proceed, consider reflecting on this video, as it may be indicative of what to expect in the future.

“how does it feel to have a dad that wears crocs?” Lol

Remit treats the guests that have money with kid gloves. Where he practically choked out the broke couple with 7 cars.

Immense privilege setting an expectation for a lifestyle. They aren’t living in despair, they are living an insane lifestyle that they are afraid to lose because it is so tied to their self worth and status.

No follow up from Maddie huh, she mad

I’m a millennial, but jfc I’ll never understand why my generation feels the need to overspend like they’re celebrities. All the parties and travel… My wedding cost 3K at bed & breakfast. Maybe that’s why my husband and I are debt free and so happy.

Concentrate on being able to work together for the next 40 something years, not one day on a wedding for better Instagram posts than your friends. You are going to have to be able to give and take alot over the years and you're having a hard time with one tiny hiccup of a job. One cannot be a control freak and one is passive all the time, it won't work

I am refraining from making comments but she ultimately wants him to make money so she can feel more stable

Just because they make more than you doesn't mean you can't relate. There are commonalities, but they are just in a higher tax bracket. It all comes down to the ratios. Overspending is overspending.

I have been in this EXACT same position with my partner. When he was out of work, it made me so angry that he wouldn’t do everything possible to get whatever job he could to help contribute. Things are better now that he’s found a job that he loves, but I really wanted to leave him during that time. I’m glad I didn’t but I work two jobs and to see him not working while I worked so hard was just soul crushing

Appreciate the honesty in this video!

So unrelated, they make $230,000 a year on one income and still spend more than they make

Interesting episode. Always appreciate folks being willing to come on and be so open. They are in a really privileged position, I hope they stick to the new operations shared in their update.

Ramit is so good at extracting the conversations that are helping them!

I keep going back to the "like" button only to realize I hit it already. Love your content. Thank you for posting your wisdom. I'm learning so much! Thank you. I am also very grateful for your guests who are sharing so much personal information. Thank you all!

Great Episode - i saw myself in both individuals. Appreciate the transparency they both showed.

You need to get her parents on your next show so they can learn how to spend. 😊

Everything he stresses he takes a drink of water. Wonder how much alcohol he drinks lol

H needs to find a job, mainly so as he can invest in a really good pair of running shoes. Changing his name to Forrest may be a good move too.

$20K a month? Fuck my life.

I would strongly encourage people to elope/get married at townhall. Soooo much cheaper and you can start earlier on your road to financial freedom.

Their problem is that they come from money. They have to apparent a certain lifestyle even though they can’t substain it

Loved this episode. Great advise. Made me think about areas in my life that need work