It's as addictive as porn especially for women who feel neglected or lonely. Some smooth talker says all the right things & boundries get crossed. Soon the need to fulfill the endorphin rush becomes a "fix" & an affair is born.
People are starting to wake up. I fell into this exact trap, problems in my marriage and I turned to Facebook groups that validated me and that's when the private messages started and led to worse and worse. But I woke up thanks to Jordan Peterson and Uberboyo and other great truth-tellers. It isn't hopeless or destroyed forever. But we need to learn from this phenomenon and warn the younger generations as well.
@@elizabethroberts8270 my wife did the same thing but denies they were affairs. Its literally an addiction she's in deep denial. It progressed, man after man. It evolved into an obsession & eventually a physical affair albeit long distance. She was scammed, taken advantage of & made terrible irrational choices. I'm trying to be understanding & work on myself. Having dealt with a porn habit , that is very much so adultery, I get it. The endorphin high & predictable outcome of online fulfillment is very addictive. It's an epidemic & very sad to watch her destroy herself emotionally & our home, our kids trust & future for a limerence induced fantasy built on lies & deceit.
This is so simple but explains why my marriage has improved over the past year and neither of us could figure out what changed....you just explained to me that it was me. I changed and without knowing it, I began to believe once again that my wife was on my side....and I really appreciate that about her.
Its very interesting when people talk about how hard it was at first. My marriage was SO EASY at first and for 20 years afterwards because we were best friends. THEN it got really hard. I keep thinking about why this is...health issues certainly played a role in this...
In dating, it’s not that you don’t see the flaws, it’s that you ignore them. While dating, you don’t feel like you may control the other person. After the cake, you feel like you have been granted permission to exercise control over the other person. You start giving weight to flaws because now you feel like you have the option to control and change those flaws. You don’t start to fix a “fixer upper” house before you buy it. Once you buy the house, once you “marry” it so to speak, you purchase the right to fix and control it. A house doesn’t mind being fixed. A person does.
Excellent! This is important stuff. I call it being a gentleman to my wife. It may seem outdated today but i think it makes sense. Everybody likes to feel special and appreciated and our spouses should be the first to know how special and appreciated they are to us.
I got it so backwards. Before my husband left, we would schedule a monthly “check in”. It was supposed to be a time when we would see how we were doing in our “bad” areas. I now see that we should’ve added time to intentionally share what was going well. 😔
Accept that you are human and made a mistake. It doesn't help that most relationship advice/counselors/etc are divorcees themselves and don't believe in marriage or personal responsibility. You can make this positive change NOW and if you value your marriage you should start now. You can do it!
Dealing with stress before we get married because of personal circumstances. There's only one sided communication right now. I don't want to lose the relationship. Just praying he comes back. I hope these videos help.
I’ll do that! Writing ✍️ is a good idea too! Even the Bible says we should appreciate each other and see the good, lift each other up. I’ve never seen a channel and website about marriage so great like this one! It explains everything! I’m praying and working on my pies to save my marriage 😫 it’s not easy, but I’m being the stronger I’ve ever been while going they this!
A major barrier I’m facing is a spouse who won’t let go of things that have happened in the past. It’s like he’s bracing himself. Won’t let me change to the better version of me I’m working on.
I'm in a similar situation but with my wife. I am only in month two of evolving into the better version of myself that I know I am deep inside. I am working on three TOP key issues that stem from having such an extremely traumatic childhood. I've recently realized that because of my garbage childhood that I have repeatedly made extremely poor decisions in my relationship and will continue to in any relationship if I don't address the top three issues. My wife has noticed the difference in me and my behaviors, and our relationship is still hanging on a thread. Most days and nights I am just so emotionally drained but I will continue to keep my head up and stay strong and keep the hope of hoping that one day I will have such a better relationship with my wife as my wife. It's extremely difficult right now but keep trying. Keep your hope.
@@4EverEvolving1 you and I are in the same situation, I thought I was going mad and that everything I do is pointless but I am regardless pushing on for the benefit of my wife, I feel you because what you wrote is exactly what I feel, stay strong, don't give up, remember me when you're feeling low knowing I feel what you feel too, let's be better for our wives❤
I'm so grateful for you Kimberly,my wife and I were accepted for the workshop scholarship,your videos have helped me get through this easier,its been extremely hard for me,and I'm sure her as well,26yrs together,20yrs married Thank you for Chelsea from Marriage Helper,she answers my calls,talks to me when I need advice and help getting through,she helped me get the scholarship.. thank you for everything
The angel in my ear is so amazing in every way. So thoughtful and selfless. I’m going to have to start finding out more and more ways to show how much I appreciate her. Our foundation has been built literally fighting FOR each other in every way. We can handle anything that’s thrown our way. Always wanna show you how much I care anyways I can.
This is uncanny. I'm going through a separation right now and my husband is a flight medic in the Army who spent a year in Korea (unaccompanied). I don't know how I ended up on this channel, but it is definitely a strange coincidence.
I asked my wife how could hurt, on cheat on me over and over. With her freind, I told her how could she just keep cheating on her husband her best freind. She told me I wasn't her best freind , her lover was her best freind, he's always been my bestfreind not you. That really broke my heart again. Joann is always cheating, can't trust her for anything. Joann tello is always on Facebook finding out new ways to cheat. Can't wait to leave her.
I appreciate the short videos with simple advice. It is so easy when things are not going well, to focus on the opposite thing or be overwelmed. My wife of almost 20 years, recently told me that she has been unhappy for a very long time and finally had the courage to say she was pretty much done. After a time of being overwelmed and searching for answers, I discovered your channel and have been very encouraged taking in your knowledge about marriage relationships. Our eleventh hour therapist affirmed something similar which I pray leads to hope for her, where currently, there is very little if any.
My wife n I are separated we have 2 kids. She dont love me no more because I was to busy and was blinded by my job I forgot about my family. I never did it to hurt any 1 I did to make sure my family had everything. Now I'm trying to show her im changing. She's moving out to a 1 room apartment. She gonna have alot of bills n the kids to deal with. Ima respect her space n let her see that im changing and being for my kids. I hope she knows that ppl make mistakes we learn. So now I'm missing my wife April 7 is when she moving out. Ima do the no contact rule only focus on my kids. Don't help when ur wifes friends give her bad negative advice
@@garyhare5744 a year n half later I found someone else and life is great man sometimes just time to Move on stay strong don’t bug her just let her be work on ur self
@@jcporosity4764 Good to hear it's working out. Yea, I'm kind of trying to go that way. Be cool about it all. I did (mostly) bring about the situation. And she is worth at least TRYING to resolve it with, I think. And if it doesn't work I'll start backpacking again. Only I might have a kid or two to go with this time around 👨👧👦 Thanks for the reply ✌️
Thank you so much Snowsportsrule2112. We truly appreciate your comment and are grateful to have you as part of our community here on RU-vid. Please, don't hesitate to reach out to us if there's anything else we can do for you. marriagehelper.com/marriage-strategy-call/ Blessings,
Hmm after listening u still point d finger at ur wife...since u have been exposed to dis information start doing it don't think she's d one dats need to change she might b but change starts wit u.
We have zero control over other people or what the universe throws at us. The only thing we have control over is how We react to others that's it! we can not control anything outside of ourselves. If your happiness depends on others you will forever be searching for it. Happiness Always comes from within just like self love.
Kimberly❤ she gets it . Wish i had found her sooner but good to just figure out what was happening and the struggles . May be too late for me now but Love your content Kim 💓
I was going to leave a summary of "the phrase" but the whole video needs to be watched to have a context. She summarized a critical element to healing a marriage because this has a downstream impact on everything else
Kimberly, an amazing and simple tool to help in my marriage than I will do. Also the PIES concept is great. Just signed up for the Marriage Helper course. These videos and materials presented in the manner that they are is really a godsend, thank you. 🙏🙏🙏
Thank you so much, I appreciate this video. I struggle to save my marriage this week and I was focusing on the wrong things. To I learn to be positive and be appreciative.
Yes, I really really want my wife back. With all my heart I love that woman. I swear to God I do. I will have to down load the app to talk with that doctor. Thank you sooo much. I am Grateful. God bless
Thank you!! I will start to do this today. I don't expect any positive feedback from my wife for a while. I would love to have an immediate turnaround. I appreciate the advise and guidance. Have a great day!!
even if a person will concentrate on self-change, it is important to only try to change the things that matter to the other person. A young wife sat down and wrote out 12 things she felt she should work on to be a better wife. She then asked her husband to sit down and write out six things he thought she should change. If she would have gone with her list, there were only two things that he would have noticed, and she would have flustered herself. And he added something she didn't think about. It's all about the union, not either individual.
If A girl asks me why when I tell her i don't ever want to marry anyone or cohabitate, I'll straight up tell her because I love her and that sanity is a precious thing to me!!!
You are so right. I told my wife the exact same thing. I told her throughout our marriage, the good outweighs the bad. But she is gung ho focused on the bad that the good doesn't exist to her
Lots of Stress in ours as well… we tried for 20 years and it was hard. *your story sounds like ours- our first son died in our first year of marriage. **this was a great chat, I greatly enjoyed this one. I mean it’s too late for my ex and I…. But it’s great.
i don't think id want to hear it everyday. just maybe once and a great while. Actions speak louder than words to me. the way you treat me is how I see you appreciate me. but in my marriage I could see where my wife would love to hear this very often.
Our marriage was hard because right after we got married my husband seemed to change into a terrible person who was completely against me and then the pandemic hit.
The pandemic has changed a lot of people unfortunately. My husband became withdrawn, angry and obsessed with things he sees online. I have tried to talk to him rationally. I've tried being nice, but it just makes him worse. The nicer I am, the more angry and withdrawn he gets. If I get fed up and start acting angry, then suddenly he becomes a little nicer. It's the most confusing and ridiculous relationship dynamic I've ever seen. I keep going back and forth on whether it's possible to try to fix it or of I just need to walk away.
It seems like some people respond better to anger. Try that for a little while and see if anything changes. Or just keep praying about it and seek help if you have anyone in your life who can help you. Maybe even just considering discussing it with your doctor or anyone else that might help.
Great video. Wish I had seen this years ago. I think if I had known all this before and especially before “adultery” it might of help in saving our marriage. Thank you for trying to help everyone out there. 🙏🏼
When we got married it seemed the logical thing to do. We were both in the service and were paid more if we were married and living off base. The marriage should have been about love of best friends not out of conveyance and money. I was hoping that it may evolve into love but it has been a very difficult marriage. We currently don’t speak much and no intimacy. Both of us have pretty much stopped trying. Any ideas?
You have to start appreciating YOURSELF first. Take it easy on yourself. Don’t beat yourself up. Negative thoughts do not come from any good place and they are directed towards ourselves long before they are reflected onto our spouse. Start at the roots. You can be kind to yourself, that’s how God wants you to be. You are doing fine. Be grateful for God’s constant grace. It is meant for you. Love God. Love yourself. THEN radiate that Love and appreciation toward your spouse. They are also just fine and worthy of love.
Yes this is so true. Watching this video made me realize that and I feel it’s possibly too late and I didn’t realize it. I pray it is not too late. Great video.
Hey Ann K, Just out of curiosity, have you taken advantage of our free mini course? We know times are tough and want to provide as much as we can to you free of charge. That's why we created this free mini course. It will teach you how to get your spouse back and give you a plan moving forward! You can get access to it directly by following this link: your.marriagehelper.com/how-to-get-your-spouse-back-mini-course
This is good advice, and I image it works best when both partners agree to do it. I'm wondering how effective it is when only one person does it. But I guess it's worth a shot anyway.
i feel the same. my wife pretty much has said that she cares about me but is not in love with me any more. i want to try to save our marriage more than she does, i think she's ready to move on from me but I'm not giving up. i want to try this tip, & a few others I've seen with Marriage Helper. i think I've be been smuthering her lately with compliments, unintentionally pushing her away, so I'll probably wait several days or a week before i start using this advice. 🤞🙏🤞
This was good, and the delivery is great. But it's long and could be so much better if it just went over the problem and gave the solution without so much repetitive info. Said from the viewpoint of having taught online college classes, and having so much better results from my when the videos I did were chunked into 5 minutes rather than a whole lesson. I personally really love the short MH videos. They are easy to fit in watching between doing other tasks, and they deliver info succinctly. Maybe I am the only one that feels that way, but it is food for MH's thought.
Thank you for the feedback Diana! We try to make each video we post better than the last. We will take this into consideration. Blessings, - Marriage Helper
I like this advice and am going to try and use it. My partner and I have been together 9years her and I are going through a really hard time at the moment and I'm trying to take positive steps to prove that I can change and hope she sees and moves with me. There are days when I feel like all hope is lost. Thankyou for this advice
What to do about a functional alcoholic spouse who I recently learned began this as a 12 year old and continued this without acknowledgment..... and is in denial even after peers question this behavior.....all continuing for many, many many many decades? What about a spouse who was not truly aware of this or was in denial for decades? Habits and behavior around alcohol is so very different than without. Apparently attention seeking behavior has gone on for decades.... nothing more than sexual bar bantering, but It still feels like boundaries have been crossed. I seldom confront, seldom complain. I never fight with anyone and hate conflict. I just remain sad and no one knows.... not even friends notice. I just hold it all in and hide my emotions. I am a very good actress. No one knows the real me, and when I mention to friends that I am depressed they say I hide it well and it is not noticeable. Silent and private screams are my life. No where to turn.... I’ve recently half income as well. No money for counseling. Ok private rant over.
This kinda sounds like what I'm going thru. I've been drinking for most of our relationship. And she was doing what your explains. Holding it in. But now shes cracked and doesn't know if she wants to continue. I'm trying to change. But who knows I might be too late
I have been following you for about two years now and I think in a free society like ours what I'd seen all this time is pretty good stuff. I'd like to follow up on this. I and my e-strange wife live in Melbourne, Australia. We are now learning to be friends now. Where should I look to, to make the best of what we could attain?
I forgot to tell you Iam 15 older then him and we hav no kids together,our 10th anniversary is may 14 we hav been together for 17years before he left meIm 62 he be 47mat 25th but I m told always I look between 42,and 48,years old,and the girl looks 50 and she is 37,he is starting to tell people if she keeps being abusive to him, he is leaving her,
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Our marriage was the same- just from the get go, it was always a strain. After 20 years ( a death of our son, her parents and our dogs) it was just disaster after disaster. I was a police officer (now retired) that I worked crazy hours, always saw the worse in people at work. We never deal with the elderly church circles. We deal with the worst issues between humans. She didn’t get this…
How can you appreciate a spouse who has cheated on you had a child with the AP and left you while you were pregnant with his child as well and left his other 2 kids after 14 years of marriage. At this point there's no recovery
I am so sorry that has happened to you. I know how my wife's infidelity shattered me, I know your pain. I wanted to give up, to stop breathing, but I had my daughters to care for. It hurts everyday, but my girls are my family and my life now.
I can agree with that. My girls have kept me going. Taking care of them isn't easy especially since he is not working, but God is good and has been amazing for us and to us.
If you really and truly felt that, then why are you watching a video about changing your marriage? I am sorry for what you are going through, it is unfair and hurtful and hard. But the fact that you were here watching, to me, means you still have some small glimmer of hope that your husband will come to his senses and return home. It doesn't happen to everyone, but it can be YOU that it does happen to.
Believe me I was focused on help my wife and be there for her. However, she got immature and she has negative thoughts about her life. I can't talk to her and open up to her because she can't even help herself and her focus is only on her pain and her problems, while I am trying to help her and trying to support on her problems and I forgot my life entirely.
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I would appreciate suggestions on how to do this with a wife who is given divorce papers and sold our house and now we don’t live together or see each other or speak to each other. Really. This is a hard one to implement.
My husband told me this morning that if I don’t have a relationship with his daughter that he just found out he had that we won’t stay married! How bout that!
From my experience this will not be the last time he say that to you he has one foot in and one foot out trust me he will threaten to leave you again because he just told you to your face
Me and my wife have been separated for the past three and 1/2 months and there is very little contact between us. would it be wise to send her the marriage helper videos? Or would it do more harm than good ?
What if my husband just simply doesn't want to do the work in our marriage (be the man)...how is anything ever gonna change. He just simply doesn't care enough
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I feel this video is directed at wives and could be more balanced with direction on what husbands could be better at. Like coming home on time, thank their wives for cooking dinner, notice their wife's haircut, notice the house was cleaned. Start telling husband how to be positive.