I just rejected a guy that I had already scheduled a date with, because he started calling me baby and sweetie, before we even met in person...I know that I don't want to be with a guy that uses those words, (meant for someone special for you) so lightly. It made my intuition alarms go off, and although he was HOT, I canceled because I already knew, if I ended in a relationship or even dating this guy I wouldn't trust his character....it was hard, but I felt relieved after, and I'm still proud of being impeccable with my dating choices, waiting for the person that shares same "character " and values as me....❤
@@cornwallismorgan874 yup!! Pretty sure it was a narcissist, or at least someone super insecure, with a huge ego to compensate, that would always put his "image" and "how he looks infront of other" before me and the relationship....I see them coming miles away now😂
Interestingly I was just on the other end of a similar situation. It was a blind date set up by a mutual friend. We texted some and progressed to a phone call. She seemed great. I asked her out and she was excited (perhaps too excited - "anxiously attached"??). Fast forward to a day before the date and she texts saying she met another guy and didn't want to go on the date. She met him around the same time she met me (her words). She wasn't committed to him though (her words). I was looking forward to meeting her and now I'm left hurt, confused, and frustrated. This world needs to learn how to date better and I wish more people would learn from you Matthew.
I was that girl over a year and a half ago. Guy texting and calling me 24/7 while he had a girlfriend, I always thought it was odd and not right, but had feelings for him. He then claimed to have ‘broken up with the girlfriend’ to be with me, only to find out that was a lie. Then he ghosted, but she had actually dumped him after that. We reconnected and then he ghosted again, so I cut him off, but then he came back a couple months later crying. I allowed myself to be stuck in a friends with benefits while I had feelings, because he claimed he wasn’t ready for a relationship. Things were somewhat okay between us by that point, and we kept things going for over a year, but because of all the crap from the beginning, I NEVER trusted him again, knowing he had bad character because of it, and always ended up making false accusations, and eventually the whole thing blew up and I ended it. It was a whole trauma bonded mess, and has taken 4 months since I ended it to grieve through horrible emotions, but I’m finally starting to feel a little bit better, although having to see him all the time slows the healing process a bit.
He is on a power trip - re the guy who has a girlfriend and is texting a girl every day. He wanted her to fall into the trap. I’d walk away and wish him the best.
He continues to text her while he’s dating someone else because he likes the excitement of having another woman on the string. That’s not a little red flag, that’s a stadium sized one.
Matthew, you’ve helped and encouraged me through your videos to slowly change my beliefs about my worth and how to live intentionally by my values in order to have the life I dare to hold out for. I am learning how to choose myself day by day, instead of abandoning myself and settling for ambivalence, disrespect, and not being chosen. I am grateful for your wisdom and kindness. Thank you. 🙏🏼❤
First of all the guy is cheating on his girlfriend. She should not be assisting him. I have found as a middle-aged woman trying to date today there is no morals Integrity principles or honor anymore people are so broken that they just need any sort of dopamine hit to their brain that they possibly can get because they're so lacking self-esteem it's really sad
But they can be single and do this as well. They act so innocently while they are "teases". It was rare amongst men before . It was an outlier thing then and no idea in today's culture how prevalent it is but it definitely exists.
Honestly, it sounds like you need to change your mindset. There are no absolutes and it’s possible to find the right person, you need to identify the wrong people QUICKER so they don’t waste your time and energy. If you believe all the people in the dating pool are toxic, that is what you will attract. If you approach it thinking most of the people you meet aren’t meant to be your partner, then running into wrong matches won’t feel so upsetting. Look at dates as a means to test the waters without expectation. As they pass different small tests of compatibility you increase your level of intimacy with them. Not every person you meet/date is supposed to be your perfect match. The point of dating is to find out which people are meant to be in your life.
@sparrowwilson4514 Your "exceptions" do not disprove The Rule. The Rule is what 9 out of 10 middle aged woman is experiencing. I'm writing a book on it. Let's not argue exceptions, hopes or semantics; check stats. They don't care about feelings or exceptions.
This compelling video brings back terrible memories of my recent breakup after four years of dating. My dearest friend made the decision to go, and I was left with an inexhaustible hurt. I can't even begin to imagine my life without him, much as I keep trying to make amends. I'm frustrated. I want to write about how much I miss him here because I can't seem to get him out of my head.
I understand how hard it is to let go of someone you love; after a five-year relationship ended, I was unable to simply let him go; instead, I tried everything to get him back. Eventually, I turned to a spiritual counsellor for assistance.
There's always the possibility he wants "sexting." This is a rampant situation nowadays. He can't go out with her, but he wants a texting affair. Very common, unfortunately.
I was going to say...hello! Why the hell is he even texting you? Why would you even give this guy a 2nd thought?? He's being disrespectful to who he's with AND to you! Buh bye!
hey Mathew, I love watching your videos while sitting with my notebook and pen always ready writting down your genuine and helpful tips.🤗 Eventhough I sometimes fall back in old habits, I am glad that your guidensce keeps me back on track. ''Rewards of being brave are profound.'' Thank you and your team Love from Germany😊
Hey Matthew, so lovely and refreshing to listen to! Congratulations for encouraging and inspiring people on their journeys to dignity, to emotional maturity and to healthier mindsets about love.
Thank you Matthew.. you have never failed to say what I needed to hear❤❤ I've heard from one of my friends who is 4 years older than me, that she lost touch with most of her friends from college, that her two exes were so mean and toxic, one of her so-called besties is talking about her behind her back. And I kept myself ready to the day I will fight with my friends after graduation. I graduated 2 years ago, I am still in touch and on good terms with the same people I met in college 7 years ago, despite some up-and-downs, but I managed to overcome them all. To the point I remembered how different outlook on friendships and relationships me and my friend had, I've always been more strict and careful about who I got along with. I noticed a trait in me once, that I don't get impressed easily, in fact I was never amazed by someone that I changed an attitude for them, unlike her, she had some moments where she was amazed by some people. Yours truly E. A 25-year-old never-been-in-a-realtionship lady😂
3:47 I love how you came at this from the term "culture" and that perspective. I'm quoting you on my blog. Wonderful. Thank you. "The culture we create in our lives is really an external representation of an internal value system we develop and cultivate--a culture in life by the choices we make, and the people we let close to us and surround ourselves with. Creating the right culture takes discipline, precisely because we have to make hard choices that may involve saying 'No' to people who feel attractive, interesting, or like they're giving us some kind of short-term seductive reward, but don't actually live up to the values that we hold dear. "Throughout our lives, culture is actually one of the hardest things to cultivate. It takes real effort. It takes real energy, and it often requires us to say 'No' to things that our ego wants to grab. The way I see culture is that if we keep feeding the right culture, if we keep paying attention to that intuition, if we keep paying attention to people's character, to people whose values reflect our highest values, and people who don't seem to have those values; [if] we make decisions on that basis, our life will get better and better over time. Sometimes it feels like, in the short term, we're taking a step backwards. "It doesn't often feel good to stand behind the culture we want to create; but long term, our entire world becomes a real tangible reflection of the values we hold dear. The people in our lives, from the person we choose to spend our life with romantically, to our friends, to our colleagues, or the people we hire if we have a business, everyone will end up being a reflection of your culture: a culture that your life is evidence of you taking seriously. "[We must be] disciplined, willing to be ruthless, and do the hard things when it comes to saying 'No' to people who may feel sexy and exciting, or rewarding in the short-term, in favor of waiting for someone or proactively searching for someone who actually represents the values they care about. That doesn't just take effort and discipline. It takes guts it takes guts to say 'No' to the opportunity in front of you, resting only on some kind of faith that, at some point, someone better, someone with more character, someone more in line with the way you are will come along. But I believe that if we can create space in our lives, that faith gets rewarded. But the right person can never come in if we never create that space. Love needs space. "Sometimes you have to wait a little longer to find that person who fits with your culture, and you have to say 'No' a little more. When nothing's happening in your love life, in the short-term, that can feel like a thankless task. It can feel like a thankless thing to have to do, to keep saying 'No' when it doesn't feel like there are any other opportunities around. That's what makes it brave. But the rewards for being brave are profound." - Matthew Hussey "Will this opportunity diminish or enlarge me?" - Oliver Burkeman
Would love your perspective on single parents and dating. Since almost half of all marriages end in divorce, that means a huge portion of the dating market will be single parents (myself included ha!). Would love a video on this with tips and perspective.
Confusing behavior, not in a good way. She shouldn't take him seriously and basically ignore the texts (don't respond or sometimes give just short answers). Just be neutral and don't engage or feel it will lead to anything.
I absolutely love what you said about creating and cultivating the culture we want to be in. Last guy I dated is a lovely lad and we ended things on good terms. In saying that, at times he made jokes that were a bit too below the belt for my taste. I love a good joke and I don't mind non-PC jokes however there is a distinction between laughing at situations and laughing at someone's expense and I guess that isn't the sort of culture I want to cultivate around me.
Lol with late wife... My friend would say I out punted my coverage (reference to US footaball) .. or You know, people call your spouse your better half...she is definitely better than your better half!!! Got to love friends that know how to give you a hard time.
The assumption though is thet the daily texting had a "real" romantic or sexual tone or undertone, it may not have but the woman's attraction to him might be adding or creating the tone in her own mind.
@@acquadiamore the facts only say daily texting, that could be anything but we're lead to believe it's romantic in order to understand why she asked him out and then hate the guy because he has a girlfriend, for all we know the lady might be a friend going through tough times and the guy just wanted to be nice and brighten her daily life. But for the story purposes if you ask someone out and they're taken then just move tf on
@@MrQdog73 What this video is about is that it does not matter if his intentions were romantic or not. It's all about this guy's character and I don't know about you, but I would not personally want a partner randomly texting another person of their preferred romantic gender every day... their character is not of a level that I want from a romantic partner.
Culture - that was the word I've been lookig for for years but couldn't verbalize it. Thank you for poining this out. This technique is so useful in not only screening romantic interests but also friends. Remove the romantic interest first - would you still respect this person if they do what they are doing and you are not the least bit romantically interested in them? Many of us won't - for the people who we gave the benefit of the doubt to before.
If he was seeking to build a platonic friendship, he would definitely have mentioned his partner, not conveniently hidden this major part of his life. Also, we may assume he was demonstrating sufficient romantic interest that the woman felt she could take the calculated risk to ask him out. He’s dodgy. Avoid. Focus your time and energy on people who are demonstrating integrity
In this case I think it is a bad thing - he has a girlfriend, he has been texting her every day and when she asked him out - he said he had someone- he comes across as egotistical and everything that involves- selfish and didn’t care that his girlfriend would have got hurt and the friend he was texting.
