1: Never settle ~ doesn't mean don't give him a chance 2: Wait on the Lord ~ there's a time to wait and there's a time to act 3: God will make it clear ~ don't think this will 100% happen early in dating 4: If it's meant to be, it will be easy ~ not necessarily true; it can be confusing 5: Change churches to find a man ~ instead add other outlets, but don't abandon your church family 6: Everything happens for a reason ~ when we sin, there are consequences 7: If you're single, you must be doing something wrong ~ not true 8: It will happen if it's meant to be ~ but don't hide and do nothing 9: Christians only court, not date ~ this isn't a Biblical distinction 10: Just follow your heart ~ also follow Christ with your heart (and He will lead you)
Last year when I was struggling with my attraction to someone, it left me so confused. I sought wise counsel and it would frustrate me when they would say, God's not the author of confusion. 😝I stopped seeking advice and just started praying and fasting. #IfeltLikeHannah. I eventually just accepted I can't help who I find attractive. I had to cut ties(stop speaking to him and basically avoid him)with that person until I could see him as a human and not an idol. After 9 months I can say I'm over my "crush" I had on him. I have resumed conversation with him and I don't feel stressed. But for awhile I was so confused because my spirit and flesh were in an epic battle. So I appreciate you making that statement that it's not always clear.
Amen LaT How, God brings clarity eventually but much of life will be confusing, that's why we are commanded to have faith. If we saw everything perfectly we would not need faith. God bless!
That's really sad. Sexuality is natural and healthy it just requires self control. Repression breeds unhappiness and discontent, usually shame as well.
Was your attraction to him actually limerence rather than a crush? I find limerence, which I have experienced with a co-worker, more intense. Even hints he wasn't interested weren't enough. I had to get to know him to see his character flaws and did, in time. Thankfully, I never risked asking him out for coffee and every interaction stayed at work. I look back and think I dodged a bullet emotionally. But, I had to get to know him in order for actual dialogues and non-verbal cues to override the fantasy identity of him I had created in my head. Learned a lot from that single experience.
10 good points! 🤔 Point #5 is one that has been a topic of conversation in my circle. Usually, "go to church to meet someone" or "go to another church to meet more people and find a mate" have been statements I've heard. Now, this is just my take on this topic...It just doesn't sit well with me to go to a church with the sole purpose of meeting a potential mate/future spouse. In my mind, I go to a church to get that spiritual nutrition that I need to get closer to God and be the person I need to be, Christ being my example to follow and The Holy Spirit my guide. Now, if I happen to meet the guy God has for me, in church, then Amen! But to go to church as a hunting platform...it doesn't feel right. With that said, I agree with you Mark, if you are going to a church where the teachings are solid Biblically, you are growing spiritually, you are growing in the Word, you feel as though you belong, and this is where God wants you for the time being, I say stick to it! Participating and serving in other Christian activities is good diversification. Good advise!
"God's sovereignty is the reason we CAN act in FAITH & step out even more. It's not the reason we should hide and do less." - Mark Ballenger Yes & Amen ! Absolutely love Mark's balanced perspective! I see God speaking to me so much through your videos.
This is so helpful, particularly you mentioning that confusion is part of the journey and we're not supposed to know all the answers from the beginning of a relationship, and also the point that the relationship must be easy to be the right one. Thank you for this, especially since I might soon begin dating again after being single for years. Your tips have helped to calm my nerves.
This is so helpful. Watching your videos has given me a different perspective and understanding on Christian dating and relationships. Thanks for sharing 👌🏽
I am single now because I still haven’t met a Godly man I was hoping for. I have to agree with you the fact that I am waiting for “the one “ to come my way and not doing anything about it to happen. My church has as almost just elderly people. Not sure were to meet a Godly man.
Yes, it definitely can be a challenge finding a group of Christians your age if they are not at your church. I recommend service projects or joining a ministry outside your church. Good people are out there doing good things :) lots of times people meet others while serving
I am in the exact position. I signed up with an online dating site I can't even "get traffic" to my profile. In all the churches I have attended it is just teenagers, those in college, then there is a gap....then married men and the elderly.
Margy I Phillips I encourage you to do what what Mark responded above, we need to go out and meet new people inside other activities within the church. I don’t think he was trying to say to do it for the sake of to just meet someone but to also explore our usual Christian activities as well. It will happen for us :) always trust in the Lord sister🙏🏽
I'm in the same boat. My church is tiny and the only men are either too old, married, or related to me. I've been on dating sites off and on with not much luck. I've visited other churches, and thought about leaving my church to attend somewhere else.
these are amazing tips. Sometimes people need to hear things they dont want to hear. Also, there are tips that then vary as people get older. Timing, season in your 20s requires a modified approach in your 40s or older.
Mark I wish I would have known you years ago.I have been given the wrong message at my church and that is why I am alone.I was told wait on the Lord.I have waited 35 years and now I am seventy.This is really awful and sad that I as given the wrong message.It is late and to me there is no hope.I am so unhappy that I have gone through life alone.I have tried to follow all the rules and have gotten nothing.
ApplyGodsWord.com/Mark Ballenger It's been a daily prayer of mine; that God would bring who He has for me and who I need, not necessarily the person that I want because they are two completely different things!
Great advice and video! Thank you :) I'm still waiting to meet someone and it's going to be a journey lol I'm like a walking contradiction so I think I've made it harder to find someone because of my lifestyle choices 🤔
I got involved in a parachurch church ministry and met someone very special. It does concern me the church as a whole isn’t more relevant to singles. Very hard to connect with others in life, even just for friendship.
I agree with your points. 1. I am open to settling for some littler things, but not overly lowering my standards 2.I can wait on God, but still leave hints 3. Help me to take risks when clarity isn't there 4. It should be easier if it is meant to be, but that doesn't mean an argument will come up every once in a while 5. I am staying put in my church, thank you very much. Luckily the church where I go is full of multi-generational people, and the guy I like goes to the same church as me :) 6. Sin leads to death; sometimes there are reasons, other times there are coincidences and karma 7. I am not doing anything wrong because I'm single. It's all about timing. I'm not going to just walk up to my friend and ask him on a date out of the blue both being 15. 8. Yes! I talk to my sp and encourage him and be friendly overall like you mentioned in a previous video. 9. Christians can court *or* date, but there has to be boundaries. 10. I will follow Jesus guiding my heart
Wow! You hit everything on the head. God will lead us to the one who he has designed for us. Patience is the key. More time with Jesus is better than pursuing a man who isn't right for us. Thank you, Mark B. 🤓
If a gal decides she wants to just be friends but was sending signals the whole time that she liked you, is it ok to ask why? I ask because we never clearly stated to each other our feelings (which was a lack of leadership on my part) and I want to ask why so that I can figure out if she doesn’t want a relationship because of the season of life she is in or cause it’s lack of feelings? Does that make sense? On the flip side I do like her but want to respect her space and continue the friendship and in the future if God brings us together then Praise the Lord and if not Praise the Lord.
I don't think it would be wrong to ask why but I do think it will make things more awkward and less likely that anything will happen in the future between you two. It might come off kind of pushy...just my opinion though
As a girl who is currently in this situation, I think you should ask her why. I can't speak for her, but I did the same thing as this girl. I sent signals that I liked a guy but since he never said anything, I decided that I just wanted to be friends with him because I assumed that he wasn't interested in me. To protect my own heart I felt that I needed to try to move on and accept that he just doesn't see me that way. I even went so far as to recently encourage him to pursue another girl because I really care about him and want to be a good friend to him. Again, this may not be where she is coming from, but if it is, you have nothing to lose by asking her. Just make it clear to her what you've said here. Depending on what her answer is, it may be a little awkward between the two of you, but stress to her that God's will, her feelings, and continuing the friendship is of utmost importance to you. Good luck.
Wow, I use two of these tips that you disagree with. That if it's God's will it will happen and also the everything happens for a reason one. Interesting
You must avoid to violate Christian dating rules or your church pastor would not allowed you to marry in the christian church. The church pastor might refused to solemnized the church wedding if you violated the christian rules on dating. The sad things being a Christian is when church pastor refused to solemnized your wedding because you violated the rules on Christian dating.
They would tell you the rules but they never tell you the consequence or the punishment you would got when you violated Christian rules like in dating. Every Christian must have complete awareness not just the rules but the consequence because Jesus Christ wants to save us from condemnation.
I agree with all of these tips but it just sounds like an immature Christian who doesn't want to grow up if they use these tips I think it's more just common cents to know and understand all of these. God does understand us he wants the best he's a good father trust him but take action if your single to get to know people and love others because God created you to love.
