1. 1:11 Often are the victim, don't take responsibility. 2. 2:35 Casts you as their hero / rescuer. Will act meek, vulnerable, put you on a pedestal. Sheepish charm. Will elicit a sense of guilt in you and make you feel responsible to take care of such a vulnerable person to whom life failed so much. 3. 3:28 Envy. Downplay your success, don't compliment or show interest in good things in you. Subtle things to discourage you. Ambiguous negative comments. Makes them feel less inferior. 4. 5:03 Passive aggressive behavior to communicate dissatisfaction. Plausible deniability behind aggression. Hold grudge and are vengeful. 5. 6:40 Crave attention and admiration, seek it in sneaky ways. For example they can verbally put themselves down, to fish for compliments or validation that they aren't. 6. 7:47 Fake empathy. Present as caring, humble people and may believe it, but don't feel it. Offer superficial support, act like they care. 7. 8:29 Fragile self esteem. Hide it behind their charm, or even extreme confidence sometimes. 8. 8:55 Often do manipulative tactics like gaslighting, twisting words. You find yourself questioning whether you're misinterpreting things, such as a conversation, emotions (even your own), your memory recall, etc. 9. 9:28 Double standards. Rules and boundaries for you not for them. Get mad when you do things they themselves do. 10. 10:00 Need for control over you. How you eat, drive, dress, go out with. If you don't do it they lash out. Devalue you (hate) in those moments.
My ex focused exclusively on the manner of my departure rather than the reason: I left her right when her mother died. Didn't say a thing about her affair. Go figure.
Amazing. How spectacularly self agrandizing and condescending is it to be oblivious to the catastrophic irreparable damage one caused to another...while shifting the moral focus to something resulting from the original catastrophic damage... That's multiple personality traits or stellar compartmentalization. ..or just evil.
@@primalway1317I’m going to say that it’s all three. There are Evil Spirits inside of these people. Like all three of us have experienced, there is a certain kind of uncanny precision. A dark power… subverting a man’s free will and and putting his soul in a sort of cage. It’s Evil. Jesus is the way out and fasting will supercharge everything, like our freedoms!! 💥
The passive-aggressive tactics are maddening. You are supposed to be a mind reader about things and know instantly how they feel or felt about something that happened even weeks ago. Stupid mind games.
If you are their main prey/target, at first they will be whatever you need the most in a person at that time, a perfect best everything. Once you're in, the mask falls down.
So true. Then you put up with a ton of unnecessary stuff just hoping that that person comes back. Then they do. Then gone again. Repeat until you finally snap out of it and realize how insane it is. It’s an addiction. Very hard to quit.
It's also the same with borderlines, the difference just being the intentionality to manipulate. you will still get that lovebomb start, followed by sudden rejection out of the blue. Very similar patterns on the receiving end, in theory the difference is narcs willingly pull those tricks to manipulate you, whereas borderlines can't help acting on overwhelming emotions. The good news is, once you get out of your first toxic one, it's a lot easier and less heavy to spot the next one, and less painful to leave them. You've learnt, and when they try to guilt trip you/gaslight you, you will have a much higher confidence in what you're experiencing, you're not going to fall to your knees saying sorry trying to please her. You will stand your ground with much more ease, and you will stop hoping it might get better.. much sooner than you would have before.
You can get past their subtle by telling them "NO" They hate this world and will throw a fit and blame someone you've never met or someone they see as a threat...
You have described everything I experienced. I got hooked shortly after discovering my wife of 27 years was having an affair, with no intention of ending it. I wasted another 4 years experiencing all of the behaviours you described, and more. Unfortunately, (or maybe fortunately) I see red flags everywhere now, so I’ve chosen the single life. I much prefer the contentment I’ve found by myself, than the mayhem and chaos I’ve lived though.
That's the beginning of healing. Keep it up. You survived hell and eternal torment. Narcs, willingly or not, subject their victims, which btw can be very intelligent and successful, into submission, slavery and misery. You survived devilish abuse.
My ex talked negatively about her best friend constantly, then she would cut contact with that friend for months at a time due to that friends "toxic behavior" then she would later start talking to her friend again and then hold it against me that I still don't like this friend based on what she's told me about that friend.
We shouldn't feel we wasted time. We actually needed to go thru this to see ourselves and our wounds. Our wounds drew us to this person and kept us in the relationship. So whenever we woke up, is whenever we became enlightened to the reality. But it's really a wake up call to look into ourselves, and not feel remorse for years spent in the relationship. Ppl go their whole lives being broken and wounded. This is a 2nd chance which we may not have gotten if not for this extremely unhealthy relationship. So embrace it and be thankful, bc this experience if handled correctly will finally lead us to healthiness and healthy relationships😊
This channel, especially the PHIL acronym, were instrumental in helping me to understand what my wife is. I have gone through all of these phases in repeated cycles through 26 years with her. 1. You are never the hero they claimed you were in the beginning. 2. They don't want you to solve the problems. They want you to empathize with their perpetual plight. 3. You will always be required to heal them with pieces of yourself. Repeated surrender. IYKYK.
Hi Keith I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
These videos have literally saved my sanity. The first one randomly popped up in my feed a few days after I had been discarded for the 3rd time in 3 months by the same girl. It was Lise's "10 Toxic Traits of Female Covert Narcissits" video. The feeling I got as Lise went down the list was indescribable. Literally every single trait fit this girl to a tee. I thought, "Oh my God! It all makes sense now." I was going crazy trying to figure out how it went wrong. She put me through an intense love/sex-bombing phase during the first couple of months we were together. During that time, she declared that I was her soulmate, that I was the only person in the world who understood her, that I was only person she could be herself around. I was so intoxicated by the feeling that I did EVERYTHING to make her happy. Flowers, gifts. She was a vegetarian, so I started eating vegetarian too. When she and her family got sick with COVID, I would drive 40 minutes round-trip just to see her for 5 so that I could drop off various care items...homemade plant-based chicken soup, medicine, candy, cards, puzzles. For her AND her family. Nevertheless, the "pulling away" phase started very soon after. Suddenly, everything I did was wrong. She would accuse me of intentionally trying to upset her. She even accused me of acting "just like her ex-husband," a guy who she constantly told me how much she hated, a guy who had been physically and emotionally abusive to the extreme (or so she said). I bent over backwards trying to fix whatever she said was wrong. I took the blame for things that I didn't even do. Well, after a few weeks, that seemed to work! She was all lovey-dovey again. She was back to telling me how amazing I was. She even said she wanted to marry me. Wow! I was high as a kite again! That feeling lasted for another month. Then, one Saturday, after a lovely day out of brunch and little boutique stores, we had what I thought was a slight disagreement about something that happened in the TV show we were watching. It was not an argument. There were no raised voices. There were no flared tempers (at least not on my part). I actually thought we were having a fun time theorizing about the show. It eventually ended when I said, "Well, I think we have to agree to disagree." That was it. She left the room without saying a word. I waited for a couple of minutes, thinking she had gone to the bathroom or something. I finally went out to look for her, and I found her sitting on the couch in the living room. I tried to sit down next to her, and she immediately got up and stormed off into the kitchen. I asked her what was wrong, and God did that set her off. She unleashed a torrent of venom. She told me that she was sick of how I always had to be right, how I never cared about her feelings, how I ruined the day, how I wasn't the guy she thought I was. It was so out of left field that there was no way I could take the blame this time. I said, "I'm really sorry if that's how I made you feel, but I really wasn't trying to do that. I thought we were just having a silly talk about the show." To which she laughed and replied, "I knew you were going to say that. It's not your fault for hurting me. It's my fault for feeling this way." Well, even I have my limits on what I can concede in good faith. I said, "I'm sorry. But if you're looking for someone who will tell you that you're right even when I don't think so, then I'm not the guy for you." She got up and started pushing me towards the front door and telling me to leave. "I never want to talk to you again." I was pretty much floored. I had done everything I could think of to make her feel special. She told me I was her freaking soulmate. And she was ending our relationship over a TV show?? Of course, as Lise has pointed out in some or her videos, this girl wasn't done with me forever. This was just a ploy to assert her dominance. She texted me a couple of weeks later telling me that she still wanted to be friends and asking if I wanted to have sushi the next day. I said "sure," and we met up the next day. She immediately kissed me on the lips and held my hand as we walked from the parking lot to the restaurant. I'll spare you the details of the next couple of weeks, but suffice to say that she broke up with me again for another ridiculous reason: I forgot my lunch at work one day and decided to buy a smoothie from Jamba Juice in a plastic cup, even though I know how much she cares about the environment. She texted me again a couple of weeks later, asking if I wanted to meet up as friends. And yes, we were in bed together a few days later. Our relationship ended again a couple of weeks later. I won't even put the reason this time because it's so stupid that no one would believe it. Whew! That was cathartic. Sorry to anyone who read this whole comment to hear about my ridiculous relationship drama. But damn, did that feel good to finally get off my chest! I'm so grateful for these videos because, as crazy as this chick is, I seriously spent weeks wondering how I could have acted differently to save the relationship. As I said, that love/sex-bombing phase was intense, and I don't think I'll ever be able to replicate that emotional high again. We've been broken up again for a week, and I fully expect her to text me again in the next few days. If she does, I'll probably answer and placate her. She really is damn good in bed. But this time, I'll be sure to not let myself get too emotionally attached.
Bruh. Run ! I been in your shoes. That story about her getting upset while ya were watching TV and you used the term " agree to disagree " I swear to Jesus I had the exact same with my ex who is a covert narcissist. And BPD and the exact same thing happened. I was talking in a joking matter and playing too , just like she was. But that was my ex, if something didn't fit her narrative she would get upset. I knew something was off with her but just didn't know cause she would play all sweet and nice. So from past experience do not put yourself back in that relationship. I promise you there are better women out here. I've met them after me and my ex were done.
You're funny. Very typical pattern and I can relate well with my ex NPD girl friend. I also wondered what I could have done better- they're incapable of taking responsibility and they enjoy blame shifting and keeping their partners on edge. Only thing is that I hoovered myself back bc I could t believe that all I learned from some RU-vid videos were true. So I Gaslit myself and allowed myself to be her puppy dog in order to get back the highs... And in the end was the same- manipulation, projection, love bombing, oh and she was already with someone else and was happy to date and be together. I assumed she would leave her BF and come back to me and we could be normal. She finally admitted that she was a slut... And that she was sneaking to date him while we were on vacation together... Wild!
Thanks for the information, very accurate and very true. Just recently had a two month mini relationship with my covert ex. But once again her mask fell and I just picked up every flag and had to end it and for good. A relationship like this taught me that if you stay, you get torne into pieces with absolutely no remorse from their part. But I’m better off this time than the last discard. I realized the best revenge and healing process is self work and self love. You end realizing it was for the better to let go. Good luck everyone and thanks again for your great work.
Congratulations for having saved your life man. You survived a narcissistic abuse, which is a hell of a burden of torture. I've been there. It's unbearable. Thank God I survived
@@thegridrunner9976 It took 8 years of intermittent abuse by the religious-communal-psychopath-malignant narcissist (trust me no exaggeration), devaluation and hoovering, back and forth, walking day and night on eggshells, to crown all a curse of breaching my commitment and ending my devotion, until I was subjected to the manipulation and harsh abuse of the borderline-sociopathic-covert narcissist. After 2.5 years of ending my relationship with the covert narcissist, the malignant narcissist again abused me and by the end of the 8th year, I started learning about narcissism. It was an epiphany after years of darkness.
You're so lucky was only 2 months. I was in a 23 yr marriage, and then a 4 yrs relationship. Both NPD's. Now I finally learned. And these vids are fantastic
She tried to hoover ne 14x. First 3-4 i was dead serious about working things out. God knew i woulda sold my soul, but he wouldn't let me. After that I just said yes(still with secret hope of course). But I knew if she was serious she'd show me. She showed me alright. Still hurt like hell everytime. Still hurts. 19 years married. Still married technically. She was my Angel-a. Turned into Devil-ina. Soft spoken. Demure. Beautiful. Straight monster. I sure did love her. Insomnia. Can't sleep. Go to sleep, have dreams. I filed 2 years ago. Got most of custody of my boys. She won't sign papers but all the while still out there cheating with a married man. Nothing like another woman calling you, blubbering crying, telling me about my homewrecker wife that ruined her life. Nightmare.
Our son-in-law is a covert narcissist. He acted super nice in the beginning. Once our daughter got married to him and had our grandchild, it was like a switch went off. Our daughter, whom we were very close with prior, started limiting contact with us. Her husband started to increasingly talk down to us like we were preschoolers when we did visit and we felt like we had to walk on eggshells. Things finally came to a head when we went to their home on Christmas in 2021 when the son-in-law started lecturing us 5 minutes into the visit. We had decided enough was enough and called our son-in-law out on his controlling behavior. Shortly after our daughter said she didn't want us around for awhile and called my wife and I horrible things and her husband even convinced my wife's son to break off contact with us. We refuse to play by the "son-in-law's" rules and are keeping our distance because we know we will be vilified no matter what. My wife is devestated that both her children have been manipulated from her. She has a online support group, friends, and myself that are there for her and she tries to be strong, but I can still see the pain in her eyes. The only thing we can do at this point is pray one or both of our kids wise up and get out from under our son-in-law's spell.
Lets hope he will implode soon. When he gets into crisis he will be worse, maybe then your dauther will see the picture. Don't lose contact with here, even if he is evil to you. His goal is to separate her, dont let him do it. Be kind and polite, don't contradict him, and never be open about anything. Grey rock him, and stay in contact with her.
@@luisaritosa9700 We haven't heard from her in over a year. She is in lock step with everything he wants and they are mixed up in the cancel culture cult. We are pretty much "no contact". My wife said of her daughter "I love her l'll be there to listen but, she got herself in this and she will have to dig herself out."
Did you ever try to understand why that happened? This is very deep topic. And healing involves whole family. You have to dig deep in to the past to see where things went wrong. But I promise You will heal. Go there
There's still hope my friend. Truth is a light -- the darker is gets, the harder it is to ignore. I'll pray that it doesn't get too dark before your kids see it and come back around to you both.
I am so glad that there is a female therapist who focusses on male victims of narcissistic females. Often the men are dismissed when we tell our story - "Oh grow a pair, will you ... ", or "Aren't you reading too much into the siutation?". Thank you for explaining these subtle and toxic behaviours, which can come from the 'gentler sex'.
Number 9 is so true. In dealing with a covert narcissist I sent them message confused about their behaviour, they tell me that I need to understand boundaries yet they never considered mine when they kept acting a mix of hostile and nice towards me.
Lise, you are a very pleasant and knowledgeable woman. I was involved with. BPD. Initially I through she was a covert Narcissist. There was probably some comorbidities. Yep, give them time and they will reveal themselves. Passive aggression is the worse. Finally I had to say goodbye to Crazy Town. Thanks for this vid.
The flagsband reveals were there. I was just so conditioned from my upbringing and previous 23 yr marriage, to know what to do with them. Now I know! Thank you!
I got out of a long-term engagement just a couple of months ago. Even though I'm no expert in Psychology, my guts had been telling me that I was dealing with a narcissist for a long time before I finally decided to pull the plug and put an end to the relationship. I should have done it way sooner. She used to do most of the things described in this video, in fact. Watching it felt like a rollercoaster ride back through the subtle hell I was in when we were a couple. Knowing that I've been right all along doesn't make me feel better in any way, but I'm glad it's over.
An excellent video thanks. I think there is a fourth worst thing that happens: loss of hope and giving up on your dreams. Loss of hope that you will ever be loved, understood, validated or ever have a relationship that is worthwhile, plus a realisation that your dreams and aspirations will never matter or be prioritised. If you stay you'll have to accept that your life is likely to be spent serving their goals.
Great tips, Lise! I have experienced all of these traits with women that I have married or dated. I'm a Highly Sensitive Person (HSP) and an Empath. I grew up naive and learned the hard way. I'm so sensitive that my daughters would laugh at me when I cried when I took them to movies when they were kids. I'm still that way, but my wife thinks that it is wonderful that I can let my emotions out in a healthy way.
There should be a website where we list the location and a description of our narcissist exs so the next victim could gain clarity... too many people stay in these relationships due to confusion, self doubt, and cognitive dissonance.
This video is so accurate. I don't think there is any pleasing to a corporate narcissist. At least in my case. The more you give, the more they want. It is astounding.
@@Bibleinformationandhelp To my limited exposure and interaction with them, they'd rather die before asking help, and if anyone approaches them, they'll see the demonic rage. In short, they're too arrogant to accept help
@@antoniossurvivor Unfortunately, I run into narcissists too often. Maybe not so often these days. One of the best ways to deal with a narcissist is to close our mouths. It doesn't matter how rational we are, they may try to find a way to rationalize their irrationality. In some cases, if they aren't willing to accept words, they are in need of spiritual help. It doesn't matter if they accept it or not.
@@Bibleinformationandhelp Well yes. In my humble opinion, narcissism is, along side with personality, a spiritual disorder. I agree on that. And the best tactic is to gain discernment and spiritual perception. Thereafter, we can fathom out how to handle or deal with them and what's our 'spiritual' obligation to them. But please, don't defend them that much, they're perfect tools for the devil
This was so helpful in allowing me to understand the passive aggressive behavior. I really couldnt understand it in real time, and now on reflection I do. Thank you! You're helping me stay sane here. And clear !
Wow! So true I overlooked to many red flags and got myself in way deep with a covert narc that only cared about herself and what she could exploit from me. I was discarded and my emotions were all over the place. I'm on the road to healing myself. what a life lesson this was hard to believe people like this exist. True energy vampires!
This describes my soon to be ex partner. She exhibits every one of these traits. I want to thank you Lisa for putting out this content. This has helped me immensely.
Covert narcissists prey on previously implemented social norms such as empathy, offering help, etc...and they also prey on your ego when it comes to love bombing. You have to be vigilant: do not fall into the trap of the social norms, do not try to be overly empathetic, do not give help always, think about and try to examine if help is really needed and if you are even the one who should act...and of course resist your ego when it comes to love bombing, this is the biggest temptation, please resist it and the narcissist will search for another mark. For this short term fake love/infatuation/ limerence you pay a high price.
I soooo wish I found these videos years ago. 14 years of this trainwreck. She CHECKS all the boxes. I'm just stuck were not together and now that I understand, and everything makes perfect sense. I'm still struggling to just cut her out of my life. Unfortunately we have a wonderful son together. I'm afraid for him in her next relationship. She has already pushed her other kids away. She blames me for that of course, but I just want healing for the whole family. I just want to feel normal again and have my old self back. I really do appreciate these videos it has been a game changer for me. Some days are better than others. I literally lost almost everything over this horrible relationship. And of course its every bit of my fault. 🤣🤣
If you’re ever in San Antonio, I owe you a beer 🤣. So spot-on! I’ve worked ER for many years, so I’ve dealt with a lot of patients with BPD, ODD and other personality/psych disorders. In 15 years, I’ve Never had a patient say “I have NPD.” I met and befriended an ICU RN and we had some things in common. As I got to know her, things just seemed off. Luckily, 6 or 7 weeks was my limit and I got out. In regards to the Nursing profession. I imagine having the complete control over a patient and having that sense of virtuousness, is like crack cocaine for the covert narcissist. The covert narcissist is the Prima Donna of Martyrs. She fit the unaccountable, victim bill. She had an ex husband who didn’t take care of his kids. Come to find out, he paid her rent and utilities, while he slept on another person’s couch. I found it odd. She was bad at elaborating or going into detail regarding her victim status. She overcomplicated discussions. I set boundaries, she agreed and then later tried to overstep these boundaries and then try to pursuance me that my boundaries were “silly”. She then argued how she wasn’t appreciated for all that she has done; all the struggles that she faces and how she tries to make everyone happy. What? What does any of that have to do with the argument? Her marriage failed due to her husband having “depression”. When asked, she couldn’t elaborate. She simply said, he was depressed and avoided me. Then it was the tax collector. Apparently, she and her husband owed 20k in back taxes and “the tax collector ruined my marriage. If it wasn’t for the tax collector; I would be living in a house and not an apartment.” What I noticed too. She was like a movie director hiding in the corner trying to ruin a movie. Example. My ex friend didn’t like her neighbor. She then befriended the neighbor’s boyfriend and tried to get dirt on the neighbor that she didn’t like. She managed to share information about what each of the couple said about each other to cause chaos. I witnessed this covert sabotage with another one of my ex’s separated friends. It seemed like she liked to stir up drama and burn bridges.
i asked my friend when i havent suspected her covert narcissism yet (she matches all of this) i was just gonna ask her about the constant comparison and the subtle envy because it's getting really irritating. she even mirrored my rock bottom with her wanting to be transferred in her job like????? i was literally abused by my family and them trying to steal our home and she went victim mode because shes unhappy with her work. i didnt question it bc i hate being shamed myself... when i shared my own experience... she went mia during my darkest moment i only knew her in that area where i moved. she said she was hopeless for 2 months and i asked her to elaborate...she went secretive and said she cant. i thought all this time shes just private but when i said a passing comment that she doesnt know how to be vulnerable and she not realizing it...i started having doubts but that didnt really mean anything. it was all fragments until the puzzle piece of me drawing boundaries and she retaliating every SINGLe time talking down on me as if i was a kid. yikessss. i am truly disgusted... now i think about it my ex used to have a crush on her and pursued her. it didnt really pan out for some reason. that was in college i had a separate group of friends we're good terms acquiantances that chat from time to time...and there a lot of times that she was asked if shes okay with it, she always shrugged it off as if nothing. i am only always honest so i didnt realize some people esp females. esp female covert narcs that will say something other than what they meant. LOL, she befriended me after we graduated college and we grew closer than my original set of friends. there were instances that she trashed talk my ex before we got together. told me stories about their short lived romance. i was really naive and innocent. lol i thought she really just wanted to befriend me and i loved her attention. there was time that she invited me to a church service that coincided with a date...oh how disappointed she was. i remember her inviting me a lot to places esp after graduation when my ex started pursuing me. i paid it no mind but now im thinking abt it maybe she had agenda??? LOL too bad for her im too clueless and too private abt my love life for her to find anything. 😂
Thank you for this. Most of the info I’ve found on vulnerable narcissists gives examples that are not nearly as subtle as my “friend” is. This was much more accurate and thus more helpful for me to understand the situation and validate certain feelings that I couldn’t pinpoint why I was feeling them (because of the fake empathy). It helps me feel more like I’m not a bad person for distancing myself and not getting drawn back in. Thanks!
Hi Lisa I hope my comment didn't sound as a form of privacy invasion your comment tells of a wonderful woman with a beautiful heart which led me to comment I don't normally write in the comment section but I think you deserve this compliment. If you don’t mind can we be friends? Thanks God bless you….🌹🌹
Rules and boudaries only for you, lol, yeah, my ex did that with the pandemic. I had to not see my family and friends and then when I insisted she expected that I wear a mask and meet outside. But when she would see her friends and family, not a mask in sight.
My SIL and brother got off the plane from DISNEYWORLD during the pandemic but my brother was not allowed to step a toe in my house because "germs". then they decided to get married in Austria, not worried about "germs" anymore?
So thankful for your videos Miss LeBlanc. I've listened to many regarding a covert female narcissist. They have put so much clarity on my plight with the now ex girlfriend. I thought I was going crazy. I got out sooner than later when I realized she was playing me trying to manipulate and control our relationship.
Found this vid while cruising YT my narc friend used all these tactics especially turning up late was their favorite way to annoy me. When he turned up late there was never an apology just excuses. Before waking up i never knew it was passive aggressive behaviour
The information available on covert narcissism is not as informative as I find on your channel. The way you describe each of the flags does really help in understanding the confusing relationship I had
The biggest and most easily recognized is the love/sex bombing. It's totally not normal, especially if you just met. If you experience it, avoid that person immediately. I wish I had.
I think a lot of the female narcissists I’ve known camouflage their behavior by claiming they are being “assertive” or “standing up for themselves against discrimination. That’s how I’ve seen it smoke-screened socially and at the workplace. (Yes discrimination happens and it’s wrong but not an excuse for manipulation) My dating experience had me fooled at first because she was a successful, go-getter type business woman. At first I assumed her demanding tendencies were just part of her assertive personality. But as Lisa described, almost exactly by the numbers, her narcissistic personality came out full blossom. Thank God it ended after I confronted her on her behavior towards me. Now I get to be another one of her “horrible relationship stories” she tells her next victim.
Wow a very powerful, helpful and extremely useful video. You have to immediately remove yourself from this type of person because there is zero upside. I just stopped any contact and ignored this person. You have to or else they'll suck the life out of you.
Its impossible...it will make you suffer...if you ever work it out because they are good at what they do - leave...just leave... They won't care, there's usually someone else already anyway...
Wow you're spot on and hit every nail SQUARELY on the head. I didn't grow up with narcissistic behavior and didn't recognize it when it came into my life. Your videos explain clearly & concisely so many things I've felt for years but could never articulate. Giving people understanding and language to discuss what they're going through is something INCREDIBLY valuable you're doing. I'm very grateful for you. It took me less than one video to Subscribe to your channel. I hope your words and wisdom are shared far and wide. Thanks, again.
@@MycketTuff and yet here I am. Still trauma bonded. I can't stop thinking about her even though she was so mean to me for so long. I'm trying to tell myself that she'd only severely hurt me again
Thank you for the great content and clarity you put into explaining what covert narcissist personality disorder is. You are 💯 correct in the description
Well explained.. and yes, they talk negatively about others behind their back.. it's continual negativity. Yes, passive/aggressive.. whiny - always the victim. Yes, they plot their revenge. And implement it - when you least expect it - to slam the biggest effect of harm.
Also this is how i feel after the love bombing. It seems like everything is a competition and nothing is felt like its filled with love or grace and like friends hanging out. Doing things with each other instead if we watch a movie and she says i can pick. This is not her being nice this is a tactic to use for her. This will be used like well yeah i let you pick the movies all the time so and then insert something. I do t feel a real connection i feel like ive lost huge parts of myself having to deal with all the stresss shes brought to the relationship. God help her.
I never understood envy . I thank God for this. I can't think of a worse condition forvan individuals outlook towards others, than envy. It's soul cancer and metastasizes into other toxic conditions...it's at the root of so much wrong doing. The harm and potential harm from envy is incalculable. People should be happy to see others in a good state and positive gaining. Are these people so petty and self centered that they alone must experience gain ? ....good grief! It's just disgusting and criminal to be envious...SMH!
Excellent video. Normally I have so many questions and I’d like to understand more but I think this video was very clear and I’m going to stew on this one. Thank Lise. Stay healthy and safe inside your body🤙🏼😉
Finally a video that pinpoints this. He seemed so sad and said his family didnt care about him so I felt I was his only chance of getting to the bottom of what was wrong with him so I could help him. I turned myself inside out, upside down to help him and came up with three solutions to which he said "..Nah.." (And they were DAMN good solutions too! I dont do anything halfhearted) He felt his boss was "a cowardous c-u-n-t" and constantly talked about his ex and her superfit body, her extreme beauty and how he "Would always love that woman" He also said she was an ex junkie with a mental disorder but kind out of this world, so he contradicted himself in everything he said, always changing his mind. Right now he likes blue flowers but in three hours "I never said that, I've always liked yellow" I felt so ugly and he told me flat out bc I was sick and couldnt work "You should be lined up and shot like my mother" (His mother was sick aswell) I had enough of him early and tried to break it off already 3 months in but he panicked and would call and bang my door so I hung in there thinking maybe he did like me after all. One night near the end, I had enough and laied flat on the floor while replying "Then end me if thats what you want" (He had just told me he could strangle me to death because I was so ugly I had a punchable face) But guess what? He chickened out. "Nah..I'll probably just strangle you alittle then release" And he didnt do anything, not even "strangle me alittle" It was all talk to break me down mentally. To make me so afraid of him I'd obey the tiniest whim and man was I afraid.. I shook around him which made me even more afraid bc if he saw that he would bully me over that too. One time he came very very sad, saying he had read up on my condition, only to an hour later laugh and say "I lied! Ofc I didnt!" To mock me for thinking I was actually worth something in his eyes. Finally I went into an autoimmune episode with heartfailiure and almost deceased. I since then live with chronic heartfailiure. 46 years old. Last time we met he raped me bc I had lost my libido from having been rejected and shamed for hinting about sex. That was the last time I met him, 2 years ago now. After that I reported him and the police officer put her hand on my arm before I left and told me "You can NEVER see him again!" I reacted to her words bc she must have seen this before in her line of work so if she says that..its pretty bad. So I never did. He's still at my door since he moved into the building across mine very early in the contact after he didnt want to stay with his mother bc she noticed he was addicted to drugs and gaming and tried to help him quit that. I've reported him 4 times along with pictures of bruises, a witness and print screens of things he had written to me, I've applied for a restraining order twice and the police closed the case "in lack of evidence" anyway as they do with 99% of all cases in my country. (Sweden) So I now have him at my door every now and then making me so afraid and stressed again, which is the last thing my heart failiure needs. I think the only way to rid these suckers is to beat them to their knees. Make them bleed. They only care about themselves and their own safety so threaten that and maybe maybe..But I cant be sure, I'm desperate so might not be thinking clearly.
@@damidami5064 Yeah its quite bad..I remember he told me in the beginning "I'm broken..it's so bad.." I thought he was just depressed..I had no idea..I had NO idea..of the level of "broken" he spoke. But I do now and I recognize them within hours. So I came out a winner anyway.
I was gonna marry a covert narc, my intuition told me not to😊, he used to also shower my sister with gifts but then he use to told me all bad thing abt her, belive ur intuition girls
Hello Lise. I find your channel among the very best on RU-vid for delivering concise, detailed, easily understandable, enormously helpful information about NPD. While I understand your content is geared towards romantic relationships, do you offer any videos regarding narcissists in the workplace? I did find 2 of your videos discussing a narcissistic boss. Do you have any content with suggestions on dealing with narcissistic employees? One I have in mind is an excellent employee overall, but her narcissism so far has prevented her from getting promoted. She just shoots herself in the foot by her sense of entitlement, and frequent, insubordinate rants about how she has given more to this company than anyone else, etc. I really appreciate any suggestions you have. Thank you for all you do!
Been married to one for 34 years. Sheer hell! It will cost me too much to divorce her so I decided to remain. We live largely separate lives. Room mates. My advice is learn to spot one then don’t touch her with a barge pole. I have developed a thick skin enough skin to ignore her insults and abuse.
You could do a lot of good speaking to Highschool kids. If they have the capacity to listen but this should be taught in school instead of throwing the young naïve into the world to find out themselves
This is too painful to realise again. You always knew these things but hoped its just your mind playing tricks on you. Seeing the reality is just cruel.
For years I've blamed myself for the pain I've caused the girl I fell in love with after I had to break up with her. She would tell me things that I've literally destroyed her (her words), and that she is no longer the agreeable "sweet and nice" girl that wasn't good enough for me anymore. Even if she found herself with a new guy shortly after, it's ok because I was the one that caused her to find comfort in someone else. I drove her away to him and that was ok. Little did I know that she merely pretended (or mirrored) to be the perfect person for me for years and that wasn't who she really was. The "new" version of her that I was hoovered back into was somebody almost unrecognizable. But because I no longer mattered to her (as she was really into somebody else at the time), she could be the person who she really was which is best described (almost perfect to a 'T') as a covert narcissist. Suddenly EVERY little interaction across a good decade (before we were together, during, and after) made sense. I've spent years with this person but with no real understanding of who she really was until I came across this 13 minute video condensing what I've been so blind to.
My husband is the top narcissist and I didn't know there was such a thing until five years ago. Fiv3 nut houses later and a crazy ck I'm still here. He put me through it all and made me the enemy but now I know how to deal with it all now . I don't engage in his behavior s and he knows i know wat he is cause im not scared anymore and I'm numb to anything he says r does of course I've been with him since I was 13 and I'm now ,45. Going do the things I went through people don't know they really don't and he's popular which makes it harder for me but I a be fine but people don't know that all this really affected me mentally and emotionally he was my hero, someone I followed and looked up too , my world turned around him. Now my world just turns because it won't stop
The Komodo dragon starts with a poisonous (love bomding) bite then tracks its prey until the blood clots and it collapses still alive terrified exhausted and helpless. So which came first the dragon or narcissist? They both poison their prey and consume it alive.
Just about all of these things can easily be turned around by a toxic, abusive narcissist onto the other person unfortunately. It's easy for the person on the receiving end to be made to look like the toxic abusive partner even to themselves but easily to others.
Im scared that the girl i am dating is a major covert narcissist. She is extremely defensive and extremely manipulative with hee gas lighting. Ive been so wise to it. I shut it down roght away befor it even starts now. Howevee this has created a fight or flight situation in my body. I kept praying things will get better i act like im fine on the surface but inside im afraid of her. Because im afraid of her retaliation if and or when i break up with her it scares me. She scares me because her inablity to have conversations without getting defensive and atacking me . Everything seems like its an act when it comes to any real empathy and nothing feels genuine.
He's being nice to me again so I know he's either up to something or he's doing something he shouldn't and the sad part is it doesn't even bother me anymore so I sit around being nice to him and doing my wife duties Wait for him to disgard me again like I'm trash and I'm fine with that just wish he a hurry up
The funny thing is: my asperger, borderline and covert narc cyberstalker accused me of all the things HE did. The cognitive dissonancez the gaslighting and DARVO were astounding. Always portraying himself as the victim. What a horrible imdividual. I hate him with every fiber inside of me. By the way: OF COURSE he called himself a HSP and an empath. Yes, indeed: only towards himself.
My mom told me she is envious of EVERTHING and she covets others things and is jealous… but she didn’t need to… she’s done it to half of her 11 children since birth … a few were invisible and three were golden but not at the same tme… only one golden at a time but the three were interchangeable … us black sheep never got out of our places and once LABLED lived it out for her on all levels …
