10 Signs You Might Actually Be Demisexual 

Did anyone else find that discovering their neurodivergence gave them permission to think more deeply about their sexuality? Have you seen the video I made taking some (bizarre) TikTok autism tests a couple of weeks back? I’ve been loving reading the stories you’ve come up with for the first one!: ru-vid.com/video/%D0%B2%D0%B8%D0%B4%D0%B5%D0%BE-3mXB-xF78_M.html Merry December everyone! It’s sooo cold in the UK right now 🥶I hope you're staying cosy. Thank you so much for being here & see you next week! 💛

I am demisexual. I still call/called people "sexy" all the time. It absolutely blew my mind when I found out sexy=wants to have sex with. It's normal to find someone sexy and have no desire to have sex with them, right? Same with the idea of crushes. I had no idea all these people wanted to have sex with their celebrity crushes 🤯

I think the fact that you already have to accept that your brain is different to others, makes it a lot easier for an neurodivergent indevidual to accept the fact that they are not the same as others in other areas too. Maybe the reason we are more likely to be non cis/het, is exactly that, we had to realy analyze our own behavour, and our way of thinking… just a thought tho.

As someone who identifies as demi, when it comes to "types" I've found for me it tends to be more of a personality thing (that honestly comes with patterns of appearance). So, if I happen to have a physical type, it's because Ive made an aesthetic correlation between the kinds of people I've made a significant connection with/find incredibly interesting.

I discovered demisexuality after realising i am autistic, it was a very heartbreaking discovery at first, the only time i hated something about myself, but eventually healing. I always knew i was gay and one night stand sound like a fun way to find someone to connect too but, the same way that i thought i couldn't stand crowd because of social anxiety, i tought i was going in "don't touch me" mode even with someone attractive because of social anxiety too. Having no big social anxiety to treat, it was so demoralizing than no matter the effort i couldn't go past it, with having desire for the very few male gay friend and putting at risk those friendship.

Omg the “having no type” has always been me.. to the point where I definitely talked myself into figuring out a what my type was to fit in… i never did nail it down… my type is exactly my ex husband, my few partners and my late fiancé, and they are all so different. I remember I used to say my “type” was brown hair, baby face, small framed…. But I figured out I was probably picturing my high school sweetheart… until I met and fell for my ex husband . I am 57 and did not know about Demi identification being on the asexual spectrum. People of older generations (like me) have said all the invalidating things since I told some folks, I think the worst that is always brought up is “a lot of women stop wanting sex when they get older” it minimizes all the earlier experiences that affected the course of my life. When look back , I definently felt broken. Your generation (also my kids’ ) are amazing and I hope will save the world (no pressure lol😅)

I do identify as demi, but I find that many of the demi aspects overlap other things about me, like a Venn diagram. I also have BPD and CPTSD, so I've got some huge trauma stuff related to sex and the borderline usually tends to make me incredibly emotionally sensitive - not always in a good way. I fall in love easily, usually by myself lol And I have an almost exclusive history of having sex in order to please that person/keep them interested or in hopes that sex will somehow translate into requited love and connection from them. (Spoiler: it never works.)

I just realized that Gil Grissom from CSI was demisexual. The character once talked about not understanding sex unless it is with someone he loves.

OMG I ❤️❤️❤️ your earnings. Stars are my favorite 😍

I think the tall thing probably comes from ancestral *exual selection for protection from large predators and them probably being good hunters/provider

😡 Was busy writing this comment but RU-vid decided to close. Great stuff. I’m probably going to post this comment and edit it. And repeat that until I’m done. I only just heard about demisexuality like half an hour ago but did find it quite relatable. First term beyond ‘straight’ and ‘male’ that is relatable. I can relate to this even through my platonic friends. I mean, I can only truly appreciate them once we vibe together and I get to know them. Same is probably true with women I would find romantically interesting. I mean, I’ve seen a lot of women ‘in the wilderness’ (mostly the concrete jungles us humans have made) who looked physically appealing. But there wasn’t like really any crushing on them because I didn’t know much about their personalities. And that’s by far the most important, appealing and ‘make or break’ facet of any person in any sort of relationship. I find myself agreeing with your second point a lot. I don’t really have a type. I’d be down with basically any height, or any ethnicity. And physical features like hair colour, eye colour, freckles, etcetera. Also don’t have strong preferences regarding the more sexualised parts of the female body. I’d probably be open to a lot of hair types and styles and clothing options too. Probably not everything, but most things. Yeah, I don’t mind. I think a lot of differently looking people can look good. My physical standards to come in when it comes to what is beyond someone’s innate physicality. I’m not a fan of tattoos. Not a fan of piercings. Not a fan of dyed hair. Not fan of excessive makeup (In my taste it should mostly emphasise innate physical features, rather than try and me its own feature. It’s more so a tool than an inherent goal in and of itself). I prefer nails that aren’t dyed, but nails are less prevalent than hair and I think that can look good (do prefer natural colours though. One or two of these features, I’m probably fine with. Like, I can understand you’d place a little tattoo to commemorate someone or to symbolise some kind of event or achievement. I wouldn’t do it myself, but you are your own person. What would probably be the only physical dealbreaker for me is plastic surgery. In my humble opinion, it’s downright ugly. Especially weirdly protruding lips. But also like butt lifts are just complete ‘rebuilds’ of someone’s face. No thank you. I really like ‘imperfections’ like someone’s weirdly placed birthmark, or that one strand of hair that’s so stubborn it refuses to get stylised, or perhaps that slight asymmetry in someone eyes. That’s what makes you look physically unique. And plastic surgery washes that away, but creates more generalised, thirteen a dozen looks that are simply not as physically appealing to me eyeballs as someone who looks natural. So that’s kind of the moral of that segment: I like the look of basically anyone who is natural looking and doesn’t tinker with their body too much. I would find it appealing to be in decent shape. No need to be a professional athlete, but looking generally healthy always makes people more attracted to you. But there’s no need to be ashamed of thinking you’re a bit too thin or thinking your have a bit too much of a belly. I don’t mind that. Accessories and jewellery are nice, though I’d probably not want them to be excessive either. Little bits of tinkering are fine, but if someone has like a significant part of skin covered up by a tattoo… that’s not appealing. I want to be in a relationship with a person, not a comic book. Or when someone has plenty of piercings I can only think to myself how that someone would look more beautiful in my eyes if she hadn’t chosen to wear them. I’m fine if such means of tinkering are your kind of thing, they’re just not my kind of thing. I live by and look like the same standards. Mostly relatively sober. Tend to wear this one specific armband I bought in Cyprus two years ago in the summers, but not really any other accessories. I do also like certain pieces of clothing that are perhaps a little less standard. This one thick vest I only wear in winters, or this denim jacket my brother didn’t like but I have worn quite a lot. Clothing is a means of expression and even though I don’t use clothing to express consciously, it’s fine if you do. And it’s nice if you have this certain style about you, whether it does or doesn’t fit the norm. But personality is the most important thing. Just general kindness to people goes a long way to looking attractive, whether sexually or platonically. Not too many unmovable standards in this department either. General kindness, perhaps some humour, some intelligence (doesn’t have to be big on book smarts or anything; there are different kinds of intelligence). Social status doesn’t matter much either. I feel like I could be open to quite a few personality types. I’m thinking of MBTI types as I write this (I’m an INFP). As long as we generally share values and mutual respect. Introversion/extroversion (ambiversion), don’t really mind. I’d like to be pulled along by an extrovert, as long as it’s done respectfully, taking notice of boundaries I’d have as a naturally introverted person. Or someone else who’s introverted could also work. In that case we should make sure not to do too little, though. And someone who’s more assertive than me would definitely be a nice counter to my naturally abhorrent social skills in many scenarios and environment. And a more assertive individual could really help me… actually get things done. 😢. But I do cherish emotional openness a lot too. I can be emotionally brittle, at times, but mostly just try and swallow it (which is not the best idea longterm). Feeling emotionally safe around someone is important, but that’s something that has to be established. I do cherish deep conversations though. I mean, I can have good fun just doing something stupid and trivial, but small talk and such is draining and completely unnecessary and unfulfilling. I’m fine on my own now. My idea of a partner is that they fit nicely into your life, but by no means you are a ‘missing’ half of them, or are they such a ‘missing half’ of you. Everyone’s their own, complete person, and a proper and safe space to enforce that is paramount. No one ‘needs’ anybody else or is meant for somebody else. That doesn’t mean two people can’t be great fits for one another and can balance one another’s strength and weaknesses. I don’t know how long it would take to find someone romantically interesting. Sexually interesting perhaps won’t take as long. But I don’t imagine I’d be too keen on one night stands. I’ve had people in my area (like school) who I found pretty looking. And they seemed nice too. But I didn’t know much about them and I hadn’t really ever had the idea to try and ask somebody out. And now that my high school era has been over for a year, I don’t regret not shooting my shot with anybody. I probably wouldn’t understand flirting very well. And from my perspective, women are the especially subtle ones. And I’ve heard from a lot of guys that they were confused as to what a girl meant. I guess the same thing could apply to me, but in overdrive. I have had times where a girl may or may not have been flirtatious, but the given information and implications were so little to go off. She was probably just being nice. That always seems likelier and safer to assume too. I don’t find myself particularly attractive, but also not particularly unattractive, so I’d have no clue what other people would think of me. I do take the effort to look good and I’m more conscious of my hygiene than I used to be (I hated showering [because it’s so cold when you enter and it’s also so cold when you leave]). I wear clothing that I think matches nicely and my hair… I’ll often let the weather gods decide. I don’t stylise it often. My hair just does it’s own thing and I’m satisfied with it like 95% of the time. Deep conversations are in every case far more valuable than small talk. Small talk is always draining and rarely fulfilling. True bomding does happen with deeper conversations. I don’t really share in the directness traits. Even though I’m autistic and Dutch (and somehow I’m not very direct). I often struggle making choices. Even really banal ones.

I have no diagnosis, but I strongly suspect (and had a counselor tell me to get tested) that I am neurodiverse in some manner. I am Demi-Pansexual, at least that's what I'm using for now. I grew up religiously conservative, so it wasn't until I was at a Bible College that I even started allowing myself to be suspicious and then it took my spouse pointing out during our honeymoon that I was at the very least Bi. I've also had a traumatic experience with inappropriate sexual behavior as a child, though I was never touched. I am uncertain how that might have affected me. I can certainly recognize and appreciate people who are aesthetically pleasing, but I have no desire towards them, I don't get celebrity crushes... 'why would I be attracted to someone I know nothing about?" and the same goes for one-night stands, "why would I be that vulnerable with a stranger?' if it was an acquaintance, then I'd worry about changing the relationship. The only crushes I've ever had since childhood, was on friends... and since I tended to have more female-presenting friends than male-presenting.... I've had lots of crushes on female friends. Apparently I flirt with my female friends... I can't flirt knowingly, I am utterly terrible at it and get so flustered. The love of my life is Trans. All I care is that my love is happy, healthy and safe. Yes it's an adjustment, but, *shrug* My person is my person, no matter what they look like.

Oh god, I didn't know about this until today and this sounds pretty much like it may be the case for me

I am a male that was teased relentlessly throughout high school and university by my other male friends because I was a "prude" as they called it. I could not have been less interested in one night stands or casual sex with women that I didn't know, and that was seemingly all that my friends were interested in. It is nice to have an understanding that I am not completely alone in this.

I feel like I'm demi, but there's also part of me who wonders if that's supposed to be normal and our culture has just gotten crazy hypersexual.

I am asexual. I understand the term cute, but not in an attraction kind of way. I can find a human cute the same way I find a cat cute.

You should have your husband explain how neurotypicals work from the inside.

I struggled with the whole celebrity crushes too! I remember feeling much more attached to fictional characters rather than actors or musicians. My tbought was that you can know a character (the story is providing you with the requisite information in order to like or dislike a character), but real celebrities are only giving you personality traits through a PR filter and you can never really know them. As a kid I remember arbitrarily pretending I liked Lance Bass from NSYNC cuz my friends were all choosing which member they liked. I also identify with "not having a type" re body type, height, or gender. I never understood the tall guy requirement or even liking muscles and chiseled jaw lines. I can appreciate the aesthetic beauty but it's in the same way I look at a painting. It was a little strange going though life feeling simultaneously like I COULD be attracted to anyone, whilst experiencing genuine attraction very rarely.

I think trauma informs so much of my “sexual identity”, it’s hard to differentiate what part of it’s my autism and what part is what’s happened to me, and I can’t imagine that’s special to me, exclusively. The “uneven” social interactions around sex furthers the trouble with it. The whole *implied* yes instead of just verbally saying it is nothing but trouble, and I don’t understand why it’s ok for so much of the population. Then there’s all the unwritten rules of piety influenced by the world’s major religions. It’s so messy! And good on ya for stating that you can be “sex positive” without compromising or changing your own internal rules/scripts around sex. I’m happy to be happy for other people whilst also knowing what they’re doing wouldn’t be right for me, but it doesn’t reflect negatively on them.

This video reminds me (painfully) why I've initially used the label 'demisexual' before going for 'asexual' - because I was fed up with people saying, "Oh what you're describing is just normal, though?" Like, no, I've seen those same people get into situationships that were based on sexual attraction and zero emotional connection... So yeah, this topic has been a source of acute distress for me. It's great to see someone talk about it, especially by an autistic creator!

As a child of the 80s, I was raised with mixed messages. Be pure, but don’t be a “prude”. I’ve always needed to feel close emotionally in order to feel aroused by someone. I can respect and appreciate how someone looks, but… want to have sex? Nope.

Couple years ago I came to the realisation that when people would say “ oh they’re so sexy “ or “ they’re so hot “ they weren’t being ironic and in some cases ACTUALLY WOULD LIKE TO HAVE SEX WITH THEM completely blew my mind. Quickly realised I was asexual 😅

I was diagnosed as Autistic when I was a kid. I can’t say for certain how much it's affected my sexuality, but in the past year or so I realised I was demisexual after years of trying to force myself into hetero or even bi boxes. For the life of me, I couldn’t figure out if I was doing something wrong or I just had a twisted view of attraction due to factors like my past. But realising I was demi really helped to put my life and my feelings into perspective.

This video really helped shed light on my suspicions about myself. My favorite example was the fantasies, and how there is permission to imagine somebody, but if the person was actually in front of you it would be a different story. This is the best and most resonative description I've found on the internet so far. Thank you!

I can relate to this 100%. I was always confused with people growing up going on about how "hot," "cute," or "attractive" others were. I was constantly asked, "Oh, don't you think he's cute?" I would have to look around to try and figure out who they were referring to, but each and every time the person in question just looked like a human. They'd ask for my thoughts, and my response was always, "They look like a person." I also am completely oblivious to things like flirting; goes straight over my head. My one best friend was recounting a time she found hilarious where this guy walked up all confident to me and complimented me on my hair; apparently, I thanked him and went about my day. That doesn't surprise me; I just see people as treating other people with kindness as another fellow human being (i.e. the golden rule of treating others the way you want to be treated)--my brain doesn't comprehend flirting. I couldn't understand the idea of a one night stand (not that I have judgment for those that enjoy it); I was absolutely repulsed when my best friend's boyfriend was asking me when I was going to give their unborn child a best friend--I told him I had no one to make that a reality, and his response was a blatant, "Just hook up with someone." It was one of the most horrible things anyone has ever told me. I have always felt that I need a life partner that will support me, not some random fling that is gone with the wind. With my limited amount of energy and how much social interactions take a toll on me, I don't want to share my time and energy with just anyone. I've always felt like I need to be friends with someone before I could feel any potential romantic interest; I need to feel a connection. Never felt the urge to just go out and date people. It feels like too much and that most people don't share my values; it's made finding and maintaining friendships rather tricky, too. Only have had one relationship in my nearly 31 years on this planet (it didn't end well because my friends are convinced he was a narcissist/pathological liar--he might have just had a lot of trauma, but it wasn't a good fit). He was really demanding and pushing of his own needs, never really considering my own, and would yell at me for letting him sleep or whatever. It got really hard to feel connected to him. I also didn't realize how unusual it was to just feel like a "person." I've never felt like a girl, but I also haven't felt like I'm supposed to be a "boy." I just exist as a human. I know that biologically speaking I'm a girl, and that's fine I guess--I have no desire to change that, but I don't "feel like a girl." Gender really doesn't matter; people are people, and what matters most is your character. I've never understood people's obsessions with celebrities, either; the whole "celebrity crush" thing never entered my brain. I've always viewed celebrities as people, and since I don't know them personally, it's hard to feel connected to them. If anything, I've felt more connected to fictional characters in anime/books; I know they aren't real, but you get insight into their internal worlds and get to know them. The fictional octopus from Remarkably Bright Creatures gets me more than most people do.

Thank you so much for this video! "It's all just body parts and it's weird, but if I like you then it's less weird." THIS EXACTLY!

“to me i think it’s all just body parts, it’s all little bit weird, and it’s less weird if i really like you” i’ve been feeling like this for years and i didn’t know how to put that into words, thank you!!

I thought I was allosexual for the longest time because I’m fairly sex positive and have a functioning libido. Then I learned more about the different ways sexuality can manifest, and that close emotional connections don’t necessarily have to be best friends. They can just be someone you feel connected to because they give you an emotional spark of some kind. So, this explained my celebrity crushes and fictional crushes. And with my autism and maladaptive daydreaming, I’d fill in the gaps of the imaginary connection with my mind. XD so fictionally my sexuality looks very different than what I do in reality. (Though there is crossover) So yeah, I’m demisexual, but pan romantic. My libido changes with the weather and often I ignore it unless it’s unbearable 😂

I identified as demi pan for 8.5 years but this past week I came to terms my "interest" in men was entirely comp het 😅 The mix of being autistic/demi sure made it confusing to figure out. I'm now officially out as a lesbian

For autistic people, it can take time to establish that intimacy can even be possible with another person, because we've been shown that a lot of our experiences are so far from what neurotypical people have ever known that we can't explain what life is like for us. It's incredibly painful to feel like you don't exist to another person, not because you aren't a part of their life, but because what they see when they look at you has nothing to do with what you go through every day. Showing them that you are radically different from anything they have imagined a person could be like doesn't feel great either, especially when every instinct tells you that masking *is* survival. It sure doesn't feel like I have a choice in taking ages to make sure someone could be safe before I can feel like it's possible any feelings could conceivably be reciprocated. edit: So... I guess I'm in my post-self-diagnosis bitterness phase? Take the superlatives with a grain of salt.

*waves my demisexual flag* I knew I was demisexual before I knew I was autistic :) Edit - just a note to anyone who thinks they may be demi. It's okay if you identified as something different in the past , you are still valid ❤️ I'm ftm, I originally came out as bisexual, then a lesbian, then I realised I was trans and came out at 17 and then started identifying as straight. Eventually I figured out I was ace and that felt more comfortable for me but then I heard the term demisexual and it was like I found myself and then elliot page came out and I was like oh okay I'm demisexual bisexual and I've never been more comfortable in my own sexuality by just having the words to describe my feelings. We are not broken, we are not weird. It is just how our brains work, just like an straight person we cannot control how we feel ❤ If anyone needs any recommendations for other information on demisexual , let me know and I can send you in the direction of some informative videos ❤️

I'm demi. Its honestly been really nice finally having a word for my obviously difference life experience to many others.

I feel sorry for the people who say they wouldn’t have been friends with their partner. Friendship, not lust, ultimately is the better basis for a long-term relationship.

I do experience attraction to the point of thinking people are sexually attractive, but not usually to the point of having an interest in pursuing anything. I was SHOCKED when I realized I was sexually attracted to someone to the point of wanting to pursue them(as I felt a strong connection and really intense attraction). I hadn't planned or expected it. She was someone I'd known for about 2-3 months and we'd been working closely together at work, working until late in the evenings. It was unintentional, and I kind of felt like I'd done something wrong.

Anecdotal story: I was talking to a friend about sex and told them I have never felt attracted to anyone. They told me I was asexual (I never knew what asexual was) and google led me down the rabbit hole of getting my ASD diagnosis. So, for me, there appears to be a link.

Thank you! It was really informative and made me think a lot about past experiences Btw I'm obsessed with your earrings ⭐🤩⭐

I think as AuDHD I've thought about this a lot. I've heard of autigender, and have previously identified as agender, which I sort of have been considering if it fits better. A gender experience linked to the way I perceive the world sort of makes a lot of sense to me. I have previously identified as demisexual. But I have a theory, as someone who also is pansexual, that I have sort of an ADHD based attraction, of attention based attraction. I get attracted to someone I am focused on. I get crushed on people I go home thinking about. I have noticed when I was younger this in and out of love feeling I get, or occasionally wandering eyes. Not cheating, but like, confused crushing. This doesn't have a word yet. But yeah, attraction based on attention or focus. So, anyone else get this?

I personally have alexitymia, which makes it hard to determine my own emtions, and that also applies to sexual attraction. I often talk to people who I think I'm attracted to, but after a few months of being friends, I realize I never really felt attracted to them in the first place. Also, the friend I thought I wasn't attracted to actually turns out to be pretty much the only person I'm attracted to. I could have demisxuality, but I really have no idea.

I’m a regular dude but I think Demi does describe me, I am attracted to women but I would never actually do anything unless there was a relationship. I was never embarrassed about having less sex than other guys because I knew I could have if I’d wanted to. I had a one night stand once but that’s because I assumed it was going to become a relationship

This makes sense for me. I've never been able to achieve full O with any partners the way I do with just vibing with myself. Not saying I've had bad sex, I've had tons of good sex, but it feels different (even on a spiritual level?) when I'm just soloing? I don't know if any other women who are autistic experience this too. 😅

I keep learning new things about myself from your videos. Me thinking I'm just old fashioned in the way I think about sex turns out I may actually be demisexual! I've been accused of all sorts of things when trying to start a relationship, including being called gay, which I know I am now. I'm running out of memory space trying to remember all my new labels! I enjoy your videos, thank you 🙂

Relationships and Sexuality don´t have to go together. I might be demisexual. But I consider myself "just" aromantic. I don´t want a romantic relationship. ok, I think Im not demisexual but the last point "flirting" made me laugh. A guy tried to flirt with me when I was in the city ... I didn´t get it. Only later I suddenly had the thought: omg, he tried to flirt with me 😂

I fell in love with MOST of my friends, growing up. It was tragic. Lol. Strangers? Nope.

To me it's weird how demisexual is not the norm. I feel that Intimacy shouldn't be shared with a stranger no matter what and I'm not religious.

I think we tend to be either closer to asexual or hypersexual. I think there's a huge Autism/Polyamory crossover as well. (And yes, you can be polyamorus _and_ asexual as not all asexual people are aromantic.") I think I might be sapiosexual on some level myself. I can be turned off pretty fast by highly NT people or people who like, don't read or don't have interests. And yes, I do attach to my friends. Sometimes I think the rules are stupid and not designed for us anyway. "Hey baby, monologue about your special interests! That's the stuff!" 😂

I'm pretty sure I'm aegosexual, I cannot imagine having sex with anyone in the world, not even with people I find attractive, even though I experience sexual attraction But just the thought of engaging in something sexual sickens me Edit: I'm also autistic, have adhd and I'm aromantic (idk if that's important of not)

1. Yes, the idea of one-night stands has always repelled me too (but I also have nothing against people for whom that works). 2. I also get emotionally attached to people quite quickly, but that doesn’t make me want to have sex with them. 3, 4. Types and gender preferences, not sure. 5. I do find I want to be closer to my good friends, but it’s not really a sexual thing, as far as I know. I do think the division of relationships into friendships and romantic/sexual relationships is an arbitrary cultural thing. 6. ‘Sexy’ is a word I’ve never understood. 7. Celebrity attraction, no. Have never fantasised about having sex with anyone, as far as I know. 8. Hmm, I don’t know. Can definitely forget about relationships. 9. Definitely felt broken in my younger years, as the idea of sex made me uncomfortable. 10. Flirting, yes. I think your video strengthens my belief that I’m asexual - I don’t think I’ve ever wanted to have sex with another person. Thank you. 💜

I think I am a demisexual woman too.

This has just confirmed that nope, i'm still definitely a lesbian 💖✨️ but now I know more about demisexuality, so thank you for the very informative video

Shout out to my Ace folks! Love you! 🖤🩶🤍💜

I'm autistic and I havent had a girlfriend in 15 years. I'm 39 but people still think I'm in my 20s. Women alot younger than me like being my friend but I'm too scared to ask them out cause I'm so old lol.

Wow, I did not expect a video like this from your channel! What a pleasant surprise! :D I'm aro/ace myself and it always makes me happy to see people giving us and the spec more representation :)

Not having a type could fall into pan if you don’t care about gender

Me (an aspec person) getting really excited seeing a video about aspec people in my RU-vid recommended: Also, totally relate to not having a type in relation to looks (although I thought personality counted as a "type"), I'm not demi but I know there could be some overlap with being ace without being aro (my experience), definitely an observation I think a lot of LGBTQ+ labels are ones you can just try on and change if you decide they aren't actually accurate to your experience.

IVE BEEN LOOKING MORE INTO ARO ACE AND AUTSIM LATELY AND AOT MORE TODAY. THANK YOU

I can feel sexualy attracted to strangers, but I wouldn't be comfortable having sex with them. This definitely related to my autism. I'm aromantic so flirting already makes no sense to me and I find it hard to recognise except in its most explicit forms. So I'd consider myself alosexual in theory, demisexual in practice

Sex is cool and all, I guess, but have you ever played with a Transformer?! It's like a car and a robot and a puzzle to focus on ALL AT THE SAME TIME!

I never understood how a pansexual or bisexual person ends up with a straight cis man 😂. I guess some of them are decent, but the likelihood of that isn't great

I consider myself demisexual and I would say that I do have somewhat of a type actually. Looks are far less important for me than personality but I do have to find someone at least somewhat attractive most of the time before I can build that emotional bond. I almost feel like view on whether someone is attractive is more based on my visual sensory experience when looking at them. I do find that I tend to go for skinny men without a lot of muscle that are at least a few inches taller than me. I have gone against literally all of these criteria before though because personality is far more important to me.

2:36 unrelated but that soup looks morally offensive /j

!! So glad I found the term about a year ago so that I could realize that I’m not broken

Just wanted to say: I love the earrings so much they are amazing and I want them - where did you get them from? Anyway, I recently found out that about something called "cupioromantic", where you don't really feel romantic attraction but still craves a romantic relationship, which I think describes me quite well, but I'm not entirely sure about whether or not I feel romantic attraction (I also wonder if not knowing what romantic feelings are is common in autistics cuz of the whole interoception thing)

Being tall is very important for being able to spot the lions in the tall grass, a problem I'm sure we all face on a daily basis.

I’ve been referring to myself as Theo-sexual with a leaning towards Pansexual. Theo as in theoretical. Because theoretically I am attracted to many different people but they scare me so i just imagine it instead. 😅

I don't identify as demi, but I am on the ace spectrum. I do find some women more attractive than others, but it mainly manifests itself the same way that it would when I was in elementary school having a crush on other kids (I'd feel calmer in her proximity and get more satisfaction from making her laugh and/or impressing her, but there wouldn't much else I'd find myself wanting to do). I also get uncomfortable using words like "hot" or sexy". I'm more comfortable with the word "cute" but even then, I prefer to say "endearing"

I figured out I was gay when I was about 20 (I'm 33 now). Being a queer autistic person who tends to do a lot of research, I've been aware of the demisexual label for years, but it's only been recently that I've started wondering if it applies to me. I've never been in a relationship before, and I suspect my autistic struggle with making/keeping friends has a lot to do with that. I find myself attracted to characters in tv/movies and sometimes the actor that play them, but I can't say I've ever felt attraction toward anyone in my real life. It's something I am interested in experiencing, but also I struggle to find the motivation to make it happen.

6:35 This is at least partly societal conditioning - a lot of neurotypical people feel pressured to seek partners that society sees as attractive rather than attractive to them specifically, and height is something a lot of people make a big deal about for men

I really wish asexual and demisexual had been introduced WAY earlier in my life. I do not feel the sexy feels towards people, and I will only *tolerate* adult fun times in the same way I tolerate like going on a run with someone I really care about. I loathe it, but I love you so I will do this *sometimes.* I’ve yet to be in a long term relationship where the partner tolerates the “only sometimes,” thing. I wish society in general didn’t shove the idea of romantic relationships on us from the time we are literally infants, and then start expecting us to be interested in sexual relationships from around the age of 14; like was I the only one who at school who didn’t see the point in dating? In my head I was thinking “we are children, shouldn’t we be focusing on other stuff like figuring out what we are even into in terms of hobbies? What will I do as my career???” And as an adult I’m thinking “ugh I don’t have time to deal with all your emotions and stuff ON TOP of mine.”

I am 58, self diagnosed and realized what went wrong with my relationships. The last relationship I had was a purely sexual one, period. There was no depth to the relationship, she seemed to have nothing to express herself with. I have no problem finding a woman attractive. But if she also has an academic degree or is interested in science (which is more important) there is no stopping me :-) I think this relates to one's own monotropism.

This is how I am: “I really want to have my own biological kids someday with someone I love... But sex sounds like it’s way too touchy and I can’t really think of anyone that I could realistically be with that I’d want to do that with.” One of my neurotypical friends has had a raging crush on me for years now to the point where he asks other people on the spectrum in our group what he’s doing wrong (hint: everything). He’s comfortable with sex/intimacy, but I don’t think he understands that I’m literally not attracted to him and if we do end up dating for whatever reason, he would be extremely disappointed due to the lack of physical affection and the amount of times I’d say “Nah,” when it comes to trying to have sex.

Not demisexual but I am demiromantic which I think might also resonate with a lot of NDs.

I didn't anticipate how much this video would connect with me.

I understand the physical attraction thing and often feel it. The catch is that it can quickly go away when no connection happens. On the other hand, I've had a friend that I totally never found attractive until we had a strong bonding experience.

Ive literally only ever been sexually attracted to the man who is now my husband! Boy, was that confusing when I first felt that. I thought everyone was exaggerating or lying when they talked about sexual attraction!

🖤🩶🤍💜👍👍 I strongly relate to this! I come back to reflecting on this quite often, sadly it was not taught at my school when I was there (you know, where it would have been _really_ useful 😄!) My experience of feeling different at school was: just not at all understanding how people could be attracted to celebrities who they've never met. As an adult I really appreciate having all these labels and explanations for things that I can learn about at my own pace, better late than never 😄!

What do you call it when you start out very sexual, but lose interest when a person shows no interest in you as a person and won’t bond? Because that’s what I am. I lose interest when someone puts in no effort and I get no intellectual stimulation from them and no passion from them. I honestly think this is just normal when you are kinky (into BDSM) because you need trust and connection to get into more interesting stuff. Vanilla sex is easy to just have flings, but kinky sex needs trust and connection and neurotypicals don’t seem to understand that. Also, if someone has ever rejected me, I no longer feel attraction to them. At all . . Even when they change their mind and like me again. I can’t seem to get the feeling back. I don’t have a type. Just masculinity. Pretty heterosexual and I like masculine men (was attracted to one masculine cis woman). But yet, I’m also not attracted to 80% of people. But when I am, it’s very strong.

Oh my, I remembered how I used to think I was bisexual because, even tho I read definitions and read about how sexual attraction is wanting to do sexual stuff with others, I always just thought “nah, no way ppl look at others and just go ’I wanna fuck that’, right?” Wrong! Www when I realized that being able to look at someone and think I they’re pretty is NOT, in fact, what sexual attraction is, I realized that I am actually asexual!! It was, by far, the hardest part of my identity to accept, cause I have a gendered experience, and even tho I’m not cis, it was easier to accept that I experience gender in a different way than it was to accept that I just do not experience sexual attraction, because, well, society is just SO inclined to tell you that //EVERYONE// feels sexual attraction, so then not feeling it is just NOT an option (as well as the fact that I’ve had a very sexual life (as sexual as a virgin’s sexual life can get)). Up to that moment, I thought I was very open minded, but then I just kept denying that I could be ace for weeks, while at the same time, kept trying to convince myself that I did not have any kind of prejudice against asexuals. That experience helped me realize that, even when we think we have ridden ourselves of any unwarranted(? not sure that’s the word I’m looking for) prejudice, we are gonna have some towards some group of ppl, some belief or smt, so the sooner we realize that and step down from our high horses, the sooner we can grow as ppl and become more accepting towards others!!

I'm pansexual and demi-romantic and my partner is a demi-lesbian! We were friends for about 5 years before we got together XD I never had real crushes growing up, I think the few I think I did have were just guys I wanted to be friends with cause I didnt know I was 'allowed' to be friends with boys as well as girls in primary school. Throughtout secondary, I never had any crushes at all until I started getting way closer with my best friend, and even then it look nearly a year for me to realise it was a crush! I knew I was pan way before I figured out the demi part and I just thought I had a low drive or the people at my school were just eh, but apparently not! XD ngl, I never thought I'd have a relationship like the one I have now cause I never had crushes and didn't think it would ever happen for me, but I've now been with my partner for nearly 2 years and we are the happiest we have ever been (:

I can call people cute.usually more so pertaining to their behaviour and not their appearence. hot and sexy are terms I don't really use alot. I like the words handsome/pretty/beautiful better bc I think they just sound nicer. I mostly use these terms towards fictional characters and only ones I really relate/connect to. I can enjoy s*x if I am emotionally attached to the person, but I also just dont understand the whole need for a one night stand or dating knowing its going to be temporary. I've gone into relarionships attached and committed only to have that person get bored of me and start treating me cold and its really hurts.

10:24 Not even gonna lie, I don't think anything screams more ace spetrum, specially demisexual, than that particular sentence.

Yeah, I don't get that either: having a partner who isn't also your best friend. The whole idea of a person committing themselves to a long-term relationship -- especially marriage -- with a person whom they aren't deeply on the same wavelength with, a person who totally gets them and vice-versa, and with whom they enjoy and prefer spending the majority of their free time . . . that is just so nonsensical and alien to me. Why would you even do that?!

I was really interested in the idea of dating when i was younger, id have intense limerance crushes. but reflecting on it, i wasn't very driven to date. I didn't really try. I just vaguely liked the idea and hyper fixated on people until i got something of a no, and i drop it like a brick. Feeling like, no grief. "Oh this wont work out, ok" I don't reallllly think they were crushes. I had a bunch of friends who LOVED to date and hook up, and would bring me along to hang out with the various people they were pursuing. (I think they were using me as a shield kinda.) But I enjoyed it. I could learn and witness how people navigated these situations. In my adult life my friend forced me to get a dating profile and I met my husband. I decided he was the one like right away lol. We hung out for 7 hours on our first date. Idk if we sped run the deep connection thing, but really i have barely dated in my life. I identify as demisexual. I get maybe this initial spark of sexual attract, and it fates and disappears really quickly and i feel nothing romantic or sexual towards the person. Anyway. Its very interesting. Its definitely very different from the norm so I do think it warrents its own label.

Im demiromance which is the same thing but with romantic im also asexual :D so for me with bonds it depends like one was a year and one was a couple months of figuring out if it was romantic or platonic attractive and i had known them since 1st grade so that made it harder also with the type thing i relate i also dont really have a type like because i dont care about hair or looks or anything except i can call out is that im a bit more attracted to woman then men but im still attracted to all genders but im more attracted to woman im omnisexual so it makes sense for me lol by the way omnisexual is basically pansexual but you have more of a preference

13:56 “seeing nothing that you’d actually want to eat… unless you have an emotional bond with that food” …. This may be why neurodivergent people are more likely to be Demi,.. it’s giving safe food

"For the autistics" called me out. I need to get evaluated. I think my gender masking was covering something else, too.

Thank you so much for all the relatable content. For me, it is as if my body feels attracted to other people, but then my brain goes "Nah" after a bit of conversation. As for type, I'd just say athletic physiques appeal more. However, my experience with sex is kind of like it's something I let peoole do to me or that I do for them. Probably because emotional connection is hard for me.

Omg friendship is hard, bc yes, i get sexually attracted to friends, but I fall out of that once I notice it's not possible or likely. But that is probably from age and wisdom.

I have phases with high libido and I have phases with no libido. I don’t think I am demisexual as ive had hook ups before and it was fun.

yes, this is me 100%. actually had a conversation with bestie yesterday where i told her i never think about the fact that i'm on the ace spectrum, and the answer i got was "what?! you don't?? I DO. ....i don't know why, but i do". like okay?? this bc i've just started having feeling for a person and it's like [SEXUALITY: UNLOCKED], and i know i've thought about perhaps being demisexual and now it's just so god damn obvious.. explains a lot which is nice

I wanted to see if you would mention the nonsense that is the idea of makeup sex. If my wife and I just had a fight I don't want ANYONE to touch me. I can't even get in the mood, which for my allistic wife is GREAT for her self esteem (not).

My lesbian foster parent thought my asexuality was a symptom of autism. Which was used as an excuse to abuse me so I tried to become a lesbian to convince her I wasn’t autistic but all that did was prove even further how autistic I was when I got in trouble for sexually harassing a girl.

The older I get the less turned on I seem to get by good looking people. It's becoming increasingly vibes and personality for me.

OMG the fridge analogy is so spot on!

I am definitely on the asexual spectrum. I have sensory issues with sex, as well as being demisexual. I am quite sex positive, but I have negative personal feelings around this issue. Trauma stuff. My dating experience has been extremely limited but I can easily say that I don't have a type. My ex husband was shorter than me. Really tall or big guys can freak me out. The couple I tried to date made the mistake of picking me up off my feet on the first date. Not kidding! Being picked up like I was a doll or feather felt dangerous. I dated blondes redheads and brunettes. I dated outside my race. I truly don't see race. I now suspect that that is somehow related to being a neurodivergent. I definitely don't mean it in a harmful way. So I try not to ever say it anymore, but I will meet a person and genuinely not rememfor what race they are. 😂 I'm just now at almost fifty starting to pick up on clues from last names and whatnot. I would like to be in the skin of someone who is allosexual to understand that experience. People seem very sex obsessed to me, and certain sexual expectations have become too over the top for me. I WISH I could have those desires and was able to comfortably participate in certain things. I will admit that I am desperately tired of being alone... ETA: It feels like sex is the price. I have to pay to be in a quote adult relationship. I have had as much said to me.😢

It's difficult to live in a hypersexualized community as a Demisexual. I wouldn't call it half-sexual, though. Some of the most kinky people are on ace-spectrum. Even Demi's when they are with their preferred person... 🎉😂. For a while, I thought I was just a late bloomer. Someone even pointed out that I could just be Asexual. However, when I did connect to someone, then all those desires rolled in. So, I scratched off the Ace part. But years later, I've accepted that I'm Demisexual. A lot of these signs are spot on. I acknowledge people who look aesthetically pleasing as well, but I do use the word 'cute' or 'pretty' but with no context to sexual attraction. My experiences taught me that certain groups enjoy compliments, especially women here in the United States. I think if you live in a society that shames people who want to explore their sexuality that can make it challenging as well. And many people still don't understand why I don't have a type. I tell them I just date the rainbow 🌈 and call it a day. However, I do find women with blue eyes and dark hair more conventionally attractive, but that's just the artist in me who enjoys good color combinations. Just like a ginger with emerald eyes.

I tried several times to do a one night stand, and at best the girl has her heartbroken, and the rest of the time I just NEVER understood the importance of “hookups” throughout my life

As a child of the 80s, I was raised with mixed messages. Be pure, but don’t be a “prude”. I’ve always needed to feel close emotionally in order to feel aroused by someone. I can respect and appreciate how someone looks, but… want to have sex? Nope.

In hindsight, my first 2 celebrity 'crushes' (Troye Sivan & Tom Daley) were just because I thought they were symmetrical and seemed really cool & like they were down to earth 😂 Double hindsight - "very down to earth" on every school report was subconscious code for autistic

I've always felt intrigued by demisexuality, but it's never felt like it was actually quite fit? Is there any term for like, the inversed way? Where feeling platonic and erotic affection just kinda blends into each other? I find some people more attractive than others before I get to know them but I find basically all non-family I emotionally bond with attractive once we've become close. Is it still 'demi'-sexual if it's additive on top of what seems like otherwise allosexuality? Or is there another term?

Demi here (and AuDHD). But not asexual at all. If anything my sex drive is above average. Which was a bit confusing back when I first learned about demisexuality. Not all of us vibe with the asexual descriptor commonly associated with it.