I found out that my grandparents, despite working hard as doctor and nurse from the Great Depression, were able to teach me a lot about being classy! My grandfather was orphaned young, and actually quite unclassy in many ways. However, he taught me to respect people, to leave things better than I found them, and to listen to people to learn new things about the people and THEIR world. Even if their world is different from mine, I can learn to see from their perspective. It is easier in life to try to understand someone than it is to judge them and shout at them ("impose your feelings on them"). Did he follow his teachings? Of course no! He was quite stubborn. But his words were still good lessons. My grandmother taught me to sit and stand straight, in order to sing well in church. She taught me to think about how others will see me, and to use this to communicate before anyone hears a single word I say. To her dismay, I learned to ensure everyone would leave me alone 😂 I slumped over, highlighted my eyes to look MORE tired, and stared behind people when talking to them 😊 Anything to go sleep! By the time I got those lessons, as a small child, my grandparents were well-socialized with Old Money. They had multiple properties in beautiful places, and yet taught me to say thank you, and to find other ways to ensure people know that I really MEAN that I am grateful. They found class. As you know, class does not come from money. It seems to come from health, love for your people, interest in the world around you, care for your belongings, and being a genuine and good person.
@sulalee7413 I believe it's important that we learn about other cultures so we learn not everything experts state is written in stone. I interface with people from these regions not just caucasians.
Was solo dining in Barcelona and bumped into another solo diner who is the most classy woman I have ever met. First of all she had this very classically beautiful face, not ‘influencer’-esque, very light makeup that showed off her natural features. She dressed quite simply in a white top and black shorts, both from mid range boutique brands. She had both a manicure and pedicure that looked recently done. Now appearance aside, I loved how when she entered the room she had such a beautiful presence. When she sat down next to me she greeted the bartender and myself in a friendly manner. Even though she looked older than I was, she spoke to me as if I were the same age. It turned out that she was actually a managing partner at one of the top law firms in the US and is one of the best lawyers in the country in her field. She also had a small number of hobbies that she is fascinated by. And through all this her aura was so relaxed - and it’s this exact feeling that makes me think a woman is classy. She was not overconfident and did not say things to show off her assets, nor was she too humble and waiting for my queues. She was just very comfortable and relaxed being herself. It’s clear that she was very smart and had an immense wealth of inner grace that supported everything I could see on the outside. This woman just had such a beautiful aura, I meet many many people on my travels and yet I still keep thinking about her!
Yes, really classy people are rare, they never show off, and I think you were lucky to meet one of them - even for a short time. But I would like to admit that if you were able to notice and appreciate all that sofisticated features of the lady it says a lot of your wit and taste.
1. You're mindful of how you dress 2. You're grateful for service/treat service people with respect 3. You listen more than you speak 4. You're mindful of your posture 5. You have boundaries you express politely/gracefully 6. You have clean hands and nails 7. You make other people feel good/valued 8. You ask for permission because you're mindful of how the other person will feel 9. Wait patiently, when in line 10. You don't speak too loud, because you are mindful of others --
Vids like me make me realize more and more that class is not about wealth, but kindness consideration for yourself and others.
8 дней назад
This is SO down to earth, I was skeptical at first because you can find so many bullshit on instagram and tiktok about “elegance”, but your view and your takes on elegance are on point. Not just about looks. Thank you!
The practice of holding a wine glass or champagne flute by the stem is because you don’t want to warm up your drink. Most (but not all) rules of etiquette have a practical base.
we make wines and MCC and agree, white and MCC is held by the stem or the base. I get edgy seeing wine being clutched and warmed up 😂 Brandy and red is more acceptable to hold slightly at the bowl but….up to the drinker 😊
There is a difference between clutching the bowl in one's fist with all fingers clamped around it and holding it lightly as Mademoiselle does with 3 or 4 fingers just to steady it.
I was just in the french hypermarket, a place where you do not expect to see ‘ Fancy’ people. Yet, had a perfect example of people kindly waiting in line without tutting and mumbling whilst an elderly lady had forgotten to weigh her veggies. Absolute french class. The kind of manners you rarely see in a similar store in the UK.
UK doesn't have any fashion sadly. People dress disgusting most of the time, no one knows what size are there, crocs and flipflops are being worn 24/7 and it just demotivates me to look good a lot of the time. Everything is baggy or girls go out literally naked, no self-respect. And it's not about class difference or money, Primark and charity shops sell very nice things but it's what you choose and how you wear it. Most of the time - tacky but I've seen very elegant and beautiful dressed girls from Primark. If this video is more popular in the UK people would probably sue her/ cancel her for what she said.
@@Bella-dr5zoI hear you. I'm in the UK and I don't dress extravagant but just more classic normal very much how she has been suggesting, and even then I still feel too dressy simply because everyone around me has made 0 effort. So sadly depending on where I go I dress down a bit just so that people won't feel intimidated. Sad really 😢
In the US I remember waiting in a long line with my then 3 year old who was waiting quietly with me while the woman behind us was huffing and puffing the entire wait time. As a fellow American I was horrified that a 3 year old was more capable of waiting than an adult woman.
@@Bella-dr5zo Please try not to be too judgemental. The UK is going through the most awfully oppressive time at the moment, socially, and it badly affects the morale of everyone but especially the young. Who wants to bother when you are being denigrated by foreigners taking over your own country. It's as if they can't to anything to get ahead. It's demoralising in the extreme! I pray for better days for us all but for my home country in particular. The Sixties was heady and loving and glorious, with colours and music and new styles coming out of every doorway in London! I WANTED to look good because I felt SO good!! Sending love to everyone in our delicate world.
My mother was once on a very busy avenue and her car broke down (not that she ran out of gas). The person behind was honking and hollering and calling her names nonstop. So after a while she got out of the car and said to him "Let's trade places. I'll honk and shout, you sit in my car and wait for the tow-truck" 😂 he was not humored
As a Frenchwoman, I now hold my wine glass by the stem because I recently figured out that the stem is a place that allows to keep the temperature of the Champagne cool while holding it with your hand on the vase of the glass makes the wine luckewarm faster, and as far as I am concerned, I like my wine chilled and at the right temperature. So from now on, I use the technicality of the stem to enjoy my Champagne ( pronounced the French way : Champâgne ) Voilà !
Listening more than you speak and being polite is not a rule for making a 'lady' a classy. It's a sign of respect that everyone should practice. That's class.
YES to the politics thing. As the saying goes, "Small minds discuss people, mid minds discuss events, big minds discuss ideas". Of course small talk is important and no one likes a showy intellectual, but being overly focused on events and which congressman said what to another one is diverting you from where real life happens.
We wish you had this VLOG available when our three daughters were in their twenties. They would have experienced much less anxiety. We're going to recommend you to our granddaughter. Merci!
Could you not help your daughters feel less anxiety? Surely they needed a mental health professional for this if you couldn’t help them, not a RU-vid video 😢
I really appreciate how you pointed out the difference between being classy and judgmental. You are correct - "grace" is about more than just elegance in clothing or body posture. It also means thinking and behaving with grace, and that automatically means that you are either less judgmental, or more polite about it. The real judgmental people are, indeed, those who are defensive and feeling like they have something to prove. Thank you for discussing it in this video.
I think I’m a French born in Brasil 😁. Tbh my dad was adopted by my French grandparents and I spent some holidays with my dear mémé, the love of my life. I don’t remember she teaching me nothing specifically but her great Light always inspired me. The great human she was, the caring, the tenderness, how she used to speak for herself and the knowledge to drop a conversation when she knew the other person/people weren’t real listening. I could speak about her till my last day on Earth. Thank you dear for helping me remind of it. Merci à bientôt 🙏🏼💖✨
You give this subject warmth and you come off as very genuine. I enjoy your take on what it is to be classy. It's not a way to try to not be something dislikeable, but rather a strive to be mindful. I'll take that subscription, thank you! Best regards, Alexandra from Sweden
The string thing (to not slouch) is something I learned in ballet class, when you learn it for a long time it becomes an habit. If you want your kids to get used to it, you can make them learn ballet in their youth and they’ll certainly remember it later on. Parents can also remind their kids to sit properly when dining. Kids might feel it a bit annoying growing up, but they’ll get the habit and naturally sit right as adults.
Waiting in line patiently was something I was always told and always found normal. People dont make other people wait just for because they want to have fun, usually its because they dont have control or have some problem to solve and it gets on my nerves when I see people being so rude, making sounds or comments... Never understood that.
I personally dislike how people move the fork and knife up and down and sideways driven by the passion of their speech as if they were the stick of an orchestra director. I think etiquette should require they are to be kept on the dish whenever they are not driving the food to your mouth
Really enjoyed this! Another example, that money cannot buy style. It needs to be taught by a kind spirit to another. It is not about taking, but about giving.
One would hope it would be understood, but I would add to number 4 to remove obviously chipped nail polish as soon as possible (though, as you said, a small dent is okay). I'm amazed at how many videos I've seen where the nails of the content creator's hands have just a small patch of old, peeling polish left in the center. When I see that, I hear my mother's voice in my head saying, "slovenly". Nail polish remover is not expensive.
Hi there, I really enjoy your content! Actually permission and masculinity made me laugh a bit 😂 ! When I first met my husband, he was asking for permission to get me out on a date for a week or so and I was turning down his questions. As a result he decided to text me: "Be ready at 8, I will come over, pick you up and get you out for dinner!" That was it then, I fell in love!! ❤
Bonjour - I’m so happy to have discovered your RU-vid channel. I especially appreciate how candid you are and not apologetic for explaining your content and high, refined standards. Today, I was thrilled to discover that the way I was taught to hold a wine glass is not incorrect! I have seen videos on RU-vid that say one must hold a wine or champagne glass by the stem. I cannot seem to do this without feeling the bowl might topple to the right or left! I’m looking forward to seeing more of your interesting and helpful work.
Listening to this superb episode, I am picturing our beloved Catherine Princess of Wales. To me, she is the embodiment of elegance and grace. Bravo to your grandparents for teaching the lovely Mlle Spends proper etiquette and decorum. 🇫🇷🥂🇺🇸
I found the video very interesting. It's especially interesting how things that make someone classy can change from culture to culture (some things like talking out loud or asking for permission or the way to sit are like that) but some things are more or less the same (like being considerate to people of service and being mindful of the way you dress and personal hygiene in your nails).
I was expecting fashion here and got much more. My heart is warmed by this, and you are so correct! American here, and a very casual one at that (in both fashion and mannerisms) - however, I agree with and try to do these things as a rule - respect service workers, be patient in line, listen more than I talk, ask people questions, don't brag, etc. I am always astonished at people who don't ask a question after their answer (this is actually my biggest pet peeve). I am happy to see that I need more work on my fashion than my manners! But Thank you for this - I think you really captured it, even though it should go without saying. Truly, thank you!
I just discovered your channel today. I am really enjoying your videos i think you're just great. Some of us know a lot of these already but its always nice to be reminded. ❤
Thank you for your advice. What if I am very angry about someone who treated me like very badly? You know , a long time ago , when I had been a waitress in a restaurant, a 80 years young lady told me: I am a doctors wife and elegant , but sometimes you have to fight like an animal. This doesn’t seem very elegant , but useful in some situations.
In Austria, we are supposed to hold the champagne glass or wine glass at its stem exclusively. It is regarded rude and bad manners to leave fingerprints on the glass.
I love your channel, this is the first video of yours I watched. It’s wonderful. I also found you on Pinterest too so that’s fun. I look forward to more of your content, it’s really needed in this world.
Thank you for teaching me this. I hope i can improve myself even just a bit and if so, you helped me. Also I loved how you explained how to have a good posture :)
Could you do a video on make up? I'm always dressed vintage 50s and want to include your fashion rules. I have no idea to do make up without a winged eyelinger or a red lip :D I want to learn from you!
Good info. FYI… it does make a difference how you hold your glass. Never hold a wine or champagne glass by the bowl as it will warm the wine. Wine makers and experts take great care to make sure your wine is the correct temperature to show the flavors and aromas of the wine. Those who hold the bowl rather than the stem are likely party people who don’t understand wine and just want to look cool.
Or just don’t like holding the stem - I don’t. I have chronic pain in my hands & fingers & find it uncomfortable & unstable. I’d rather enjoy the wine whatever the micro variation in temperature. Real class doesn’t assume to know everything about the actions of others & doesn’t judge.
Really enjoyed this. For someone that wasn’t taught manners to such an extent (although I do the majority from having observed others, and personal intuition), it was simple to understand and easy to apply in daily life. Thank you ❤
This is so interesting. Thank you for talking through these things. I was raised in a very proper environment where I was often in the public eye and was taught to only cross my legs at the knees when I was at home or going for some sort of intimate event-like a date bc it alludes sexuality and many cultures find crossing at the knees offensive. That in a proper setting a woman with class would sit knees and ankles together or tuck one foot behind the other ankle with knees together and slightly turned to one side(like you would to get out of a car with a skirt or dress on) if you need a bit more stability while sitting.
Thank you for sharing this. You brought back memories of being told exactly the same things as a child. Life is better when kindness, confidence, and common sense can be at the heart of our personal interactions. What you said about the unimportant things holds true in Britain also, at least in my personal experience. Some things are universal I think 😊
We dressed so much better in the past. We wear too much "leisure wear" now. We could still look smart in the past wearing jeans, but not so much now. Think it may be due to pace of life & not having the time to think about fashion and style. If I now wore the clothes I used to wear daily to work, I would get stared at for being too "formal." We used to make an effort even to go to the cinema. Even at the theatre now everyone wears jeans or jogging pants. Very sad.
Jan: I agree. I had a southern mother who always dressed up and would not leave the house without makeup. I adopted this and often get made fun of or get accused of being superior because I like to dress nicely. Appropriate for the activity but more elevated than my friends. Makes me feel bad because I really enjoy fashion.
I'd also say some places it's a bit harder to find other clothes than t-shirts and jeans, all those fancy clothes? I've never seen them in a shop before. Might be just my area. Or maybe I've been to the wrong shops, though in the whole town there are like 3 shops with clothes I know of. Sure, we have Internet, but not everyone is used to ordering everything, and it's not that cheap
@magdam1508 Are you from the UK? We have some really good high street chains. Mark's and Spencers has hugely improved its womenswear in the past couple of years; almost back to the quality of ten or more year ago. Just need to go back to making clothes from 100% pure new wool, or silk, etc., like they used to at such a good price.
@dtgb8546 Hi dtgb. My mother did too, right up until about a month before she passed at 97. Loved her hair, make-up and clothes to look tip-top, even at home in her older clothes. I think ppl who make an effort to present themselves well, get more out of life and they send out ripples into the world with their example. I never go out without at least some makeup on & always wear perfume. It gives me a "lift." You should ignore the negative sneerers and dress up more. I'm sure your late mother would approve!
I have seen several of your videos, but this is my favorite by far. Loved that it was not only about clothes/look (how we look), but also basic human behaviors and interaction with others (how we act). About manners and grace that make us polite people and respectful of each other. Bravo! (Though I have to admit that people holding cutlery badly has always put me off)
The pictures from the "elegant ladies" channel..... they are rather costumes.... really wealthy people are not "flexing", also when something is "mainstream" with millions of followers and obvious tagging that means that is usually no longer "classy". For the last few ones: I think they are OK or as a matter of fact any mistake is OK as long as people see that we are trying to be our best selves and I think that is the key here! :-)
aw that was a wonderful last thing that doesn't matter! i didn't realize how much i needed to hear that ^^ videos of this type really build a lot of pressure, so thank you for ending on such a gentle note 🙏💮
Being thoughtful and considerate is being a good human being to your fellow humans, no matter what "class" or gender you are. I think it's ok to be assertive and to ask for what you want (like making sure you got soy milk in your latte) but you can do it in a polite and thoughtful way.
As others have noted, wine glasses are functional. The shape and size of the bowl, the stem, the rim, the base - they serve a practical purpose and are usually different according to the types of wines for which they’re intended. You shouldn’t hold a glass of white wine (or a red that is served chilled, like a beaujolais) by the bowl because the warmth of your hand will warm the wine. That is what the stem is for, quite literally. This isn’t as much of an issue with most reds. At a social event, it’s common to see people holding a glass of red wine by the bowl; in fact, some red wine glasses have bowls that are wider (for instance, burgundy wine is usually served in a glass with a very wide bowl), and it feels natural to hold them by cupping the bowl in your hand.
Excellent points. Only criticism: Your title. It addresses people who want to "have class"- however , many of your points are beyond class(iness) and should be general behavioural standard, but aren't anymore. Anyway, keep producing those great videos!
I consider myself a classy lady, but I’m not perfect and sometimes I let myself slack a bit. I always wonder if that’s a fail on my part or simply being human??
This is great! I just discovered your channel and love it. I would really like to see more of a series on classiness, both in dress and in social situations. Thank you for this great content!
Muted colors and pastels look bad on me, and they depress me. I have to wear vibrant colors. My life style requires sensible jeans. I can still look and feel classy in my own way though with a cute necklace, flattering top, and no ugly holes in my jeans. Classy is definitely a state of mind as well.
Unfortunately I have a friend who wants to talk endlessly about her family only. She uses an excuse like we must catch up so I can hear all about your holiday. So you go and meet and after 1 minute she Segways into her family 🙈 so you try and move the conversation politely onto another topic but no back to the same old boring topic. So sometimes you have to cut people off.
I love these type of videos but stating that you should wear muted or pastel colours seems a bit odd to me since some colour palettes shine with more colourful / bright clothing and almost seem ill when they don’t 😅
Thank you so much for your videos. I’m really enjoying them. Would you please tell us about your couch? It looks really nice and I wonder if it is also comfortable? Mahalo!
Hello! I just discovered your videos and I want to thank you for sharing your knowledge with us so kindly and gracefully. Would you be willing to speak about a classy, elegant attitude at school or at work? Especially in regards to learning and growing your skills as you also befriend people of a higher status than you.
Excellent tips. I have a slightly different view on politics. Class also means you are well read and have knowledge of current events.I don't bring it up, but it's on everyone's mind. Paris and London are burning. Here in the States, former President Trump was almost assassinated. We must stay informed as Citizens of the World. We don't have to discuss it unless asked.
Avoiding hot or controversial topics is the mark of class in most circles. Your statement assumes everyone agrees with you. Avoiding any topic regarding American politics is a good idea. I'm an American who is well informed on our politics, and I avoid it if I don't know if someone agrees with my politics.
@JM-ky8ip you're not from Boston MA USA 🇺🇸where the American Revolution began, and political debate is encouraged in social circles. Suppressing ideology is frowned upon.
Enjoyed this so much! I was especially happy that you addressed proper carriage, how to sit, etc. I was raised in the Southern United States in the 1950s, and when Jacqueline Kennedy became the First Lady, she was idolized. But I knew she wasn't truly all that elegant because she posed. She didn't seem to be naturally graceful because of all that posing. The actress Zsa Zsa Gabor did the same thing - sitting down and then arranging herself and her dress before turning her attention to anyone else. They were probably lovely women (Zsa Zsa definitely was, but I know nothing about Mrs. Kennedy-Onassis), but all that artificialness was annoying.
