10 Uncomfortable Truths about Dating a Widower 

Abel is right, if you're not treated like number one in the relationship, then there is no relationship!

I am married to a Widower. His daughter gave me nothing but grief!! I told him to straighten her out. Went out of my way to be nice. Long story short he did.!! Tell a man what you want and deserve.!! Everyone e deserves Respect!!!!

Number 10, mate ... it applies to Widows, as well. I dated a widow for 6 years... gave her my ALL. My everything... she was the love of my life. She is sexy, gorgeous, loving, gentle, caring... everything a man could want. But, she just can't get over the passing of the father of her four children. The final straw was when she recently said that she wanted to pitch a tent over her dead husband's grave, and sleep there for the night. I knew then, that I would FOREVER play second fiddle, to a "canonised" ghost.

Everything said here is 100% accurate, every excuse and every circumstance I 100% experienced. The last part about competing against a ghost hit so deep. I just want to say to anyone reading this right now: you are good enough, and you deserve so much more than crying yourself to sleep every night wondering if you will always be second best. Find yourself someone who can tell you and show you that they love you because you're worth it.

Thank you for you talk on this subject. I been widowed for over 14 years. Dated about 5 years out and discovered i was not ready, still comparing the ladies to late wife. Been fairly happy not being in relationships past 8 years. This past summer after back surgery and a road trip with my girl crazy 16 year old grand son. It hit me like a ton of bricks how i missed women and all the great things about dating. Im now working on myself walking 3 miles every other day exercising and loosing weight. I am no more satisfied being alone and i fill i have a new and exciting time ahead of me being retired and 67. Thanks again for verifying what i need to act and behave going back to having a life.

I'm a new minted widower, my wife of 51 years passing after a 10 month struggle with incurable cancer. I've been surfing grief and widower sites for divine guidance that will help me out of this deep pit that I find myself in... I will take #9 to heart... thanks for sharing your insights.

Thanks for another great video, Abel!!! This is one of your best videos, everything is so true. I can't relate to all , as my husband doesn't have children. But of course all the " widowers " issues were there at the beginning and your videos helped me to validate everything. Since I discovered your channel 2 years ago afte dating a widower with ups and downs. This relationship wasn't perfect at the beginning, but you have helped me so much how to talk to a widower, how to react, how to bring issues or whatever made me uncomfortable. All I can say it worked out for us , we have been happily married now. 3 years together and counting!!!

Another uncomfortable truth: Chances are female family friends and relatives on the late wife's side will not be very welcoming if the late wife was close to them and even worse, if they live nearby, go to the same church, grocery stores, etc.....Close male relatives don't seem to have a problem with the widower dating & moving on. It's the female close relatives (her mother, sisters, girlfriends) that act like you are stealing the widower away & the cat claws come out......This is what I experienced. I never met such nasty & rude women in my entire life and I didn't even see them that often over a 5 year period. The best example is when the late wife's mother planned a surprise birthday party for the widower & invited everyone but me even after being a "couple" for about 4.5 years. Needless to say, things went downhill very rapidly after that.....Now, if you are from NY & the spouses female family & friends live a nice distance away, this is either less of an issue or, most likely, not an issue at all.

Who else have successful marriage/relationship with a widowers out here? Please share! Give Abel big thumbs up, as this man helped many women like me !!! Greetings from Canada

Having to compete with a ghost is very soul destroying

This was such an insightful video. I thought that me "holding space" for his late wife of 30 yrs and ALWAYS being super considerate of dates, unchanged profile pics, wearing of a gift ring and having all pictures still up might be for a time but my heart is heavy because I feel a) guilty for expecting too much too soon and b) sad to know that the truth is, he just isn't ready. I kind of felt like a place holder or just someone providing affection and attention...he's never done anything bad to me but I felt it in my gut. I'm so grateful for this video and the comments 💕 Thank you 🙏🙏

I hate saying “never”, but I’m 99% sure NEVER again for me. Nope…it’s too much, I knew I’d always be second. I want to be the one and only. ❤

I dated a widower 6 months after his wife died and married him within 9 months. He was perfect for me and I for him. 38 years later, I am now the widow.

I just watched this episode, my first. It is accurate. I have never heard these things before, but they describe me. A lady who broke up with me last night suggested that I watch Widower Wednesday. Thanks Abel, for providing this resource. It is helpful for us guys who are trying to find our next love.

Again, thank you, thank you. You are giving me so much validation. His words and actions did not match, I felt hurt. The comparisons he would make were terrible. As a widow myself, I was totally the opposite. I felt that I had to respect my husband's memory by removing his pictures and to keep him private to myself.

We made the mistake of marrying in 6 months after meeting. Never do that! It's better to know him in the good times & the bad times, in season and out of season. Knowing each other for 2 years would have been better and we may have worked out our differences. But we probably would not have married if we had gotten to know each other. Don't rush into marriage (at any age).

This is very true. From personal experience they might be looking for... essentially someone to help them forget their wife. The widow will always love their late wife and If the new relationship has any issues they will grow resentment and miss their passed wife. This is so accurate it's unbelievable. I believe the new woman must have patience and diligent care. It's really not for everyone in all honesty.

Thank you for validating the issues I was having with dating a widower whose wife died less than a year ago. After a fairly intense month-long relationship, I told him we needed to end it and that it would be great if he got more help with processing his grief.

You are exactly rigjt! I dated one for 6 months and everything you discriibed was just right!

How I wish I had found these videos when I was in my relationship with a recently widowed man. I would have been spared a massive amount of heartache. I’ve since watched all these videos and perused Abel’s website as well when trying to make sense of how I was abruptly and callously discarded by someone who’d been proclaiming his love for me for a year, only to tell me he “couldn’t fake it anymore.” I realized only in hindsight that mine was also a covert narcissist which didn’t help matters obviously.

I am a widower of 13 years. I agree that a new wife should be a priority, but I would not want to be with someone who wanted to act as if my late wife never existed. That seems to me to suggest that the new wife is insecure. I guess maybe the ideal situation would be a widower and a widow together. I think that they could understand where each other was coming from.

Thank you so much for this🙏

Oh my goodness, you talked about the shrine... i am a new widow and i did the shrine thing and cried everytime i walked by. Then i started to smile, but never thought i could put it away. Brings me to tears again, but maybe i should. Putting the pictures away is like putting a piece of your heart away.

I'm terrible at articulating the issues. This helped me put into words things that I am currently experiencing while dating a widower . Thank you

Very honest and informative. Tx

Everything Abel said I found to be true!!! Yes Cannot compete w a ghost!!

I'm so thankful to have found this video. My current situation. 😢

Thank you for these 10 uncomfortable truths about dating a widower. Wow I wish I had found this website 12 moths ago. Dating a widower who I said, it is too soon, he lost his wife 3/26/21, has 3 adult children. I lost myhusband 3 .5 years ago, and they were very good friends nd worked together. I knew his late wife and I sort of knew his kids. I figured he would wait, no , he wanted to pursue our friendship which we already had. so we get along very well and clearly enjoy one anothers company. His kids are not ready and in particular , I am no psychologist , but there are no boundaries with his married 35 yo daughter who is super dependent on him..... how can I get help, because as wonderful as our relationship is, I do not want the drama?

Am in pains right now, I thought I could handle it 😭😭😭

Shoulda followed my 1st mind now 512 days later I had to to the one to end it ... keep telling truths Abel, wish I'd known of you sooner

My wife of 20 years unexpectedly passed 11 days ago. I hear what you're saying about not building your life around the kids however we have a severely autistic 14 year old son. He's never going to be able to live on his own. I'm 57 years old and my wife was 52, we had Miles later in life. I come from a small family so there is no backup or long term support from that direction. My wife's family lives a 12 hour drive away and we did have one of her cousins as a backup in case we both got hit by a bus. She's is a psychologist who works with autistic kids, however she is my age and is over 300 lbs so it's a coin toss if she'll outlive me. I don't even know how to hope for anything more than building my life around our son at this point. I know that it's far too early to even think about future relationships, but how could I ever trust someone else to be kind and caring to a semi verbal kid? I'm very lost, I can care for him as long as I'm on this planet but how do I find a safe and loving long term environment for our boy? I can't imagine letting another woman get close to him when he may not be able to speak up for himself, there are so many horror stories in the news. I can't imagine getting close to another woman no matter what at this point. I'm just lost with everything right now. It would have been so much better for our boy if my wife was the one to carry on. She was outgoing and had the social skills and circle of friends/family that I lack. She was the better parent and better person. She had the large social circle of family/friends that could support her. She was literally the head cheerleader and prom queen, I'm just a business nerd. I'm not going to give up or give in, but I feel so inadequate as the single parent. One way or another I will make it but at the moment I can't even see land on the horizon much less plot a course.

You can take all of this information and apply it to dating a widow!

OUTSTANDING!

Thank you for this video. My sense of purpose was taking care of my late wife. When she passed two years ago in June. I am still looking for a new sense of purpose which this video has helped me realize. If you can produce a video with advice on this issue, that would be most appreciated.

I got to a different page where I could share the entire video!

Thank you.

Thank you Abel

I’m a widow of 3years, and my friend is a widower of 4 years we are friends and are dating but taking it slow.

"my wife used to...." Another version of "My mother used to..."

I need to ask all some advice as I’m not sure if I’m being too sensitive. Scenario: my past boyfriend of 1.5 years was post wife’s death over 2 years. During the 1.5 years I was his girl he had 6-7 functions with his grown 40 year old kids in secret . Dinner and church events with relatives, ceremonies where they’d bring stuffed animals made out of her old clothes , outdoor adventures with ceremonies for her, for her birthday, Christmas, death day , Mother’s Day, etc. My issue is he lied about it or covered it up. This was after he asked me to marry him. I’ve been widowed twice and I assure you that I simply send a group text out to all the adult kids . Needless to say to say I broke up with him because to lie to me about it was disrespectful and I never figured it would stop. Going forward I am trying to learn from This and want to ask you all if I’m being too sensitive ?

I have been in a relationship with a widower for 8 months know. We started dating after 2 months knowing each other. He asked me after the first month if I want to marry him. He has 2 children ( 15&12) and his wife passed away exact 8 years ago. He doesn’t have any pictures of her and barley speaks about her. He says the past is the past and he don’t see no sense to speak about her. She passed away in his arms in the hospital ( breast cancer ) I think he just bury his feelings deep inside of him and wants to marry to get the family back he wanted. I asked him what is his Motiv to marry so quickly and he said to fill the hole in his heart I don’t know what to do😢

What is up with the pictures of the deceased. My goodness I’m never taking my husband off my wall. The widower I’m engaged to has is wife on the wall of his house I’m keeping my house and I’m living in his house. I would never want him to remove his deceased wife from the wall. Get real! We’re adults. I’m 72 and he’s 72. Of course we loved our spouses. She’s no threat to me. My first only husband for 53 years isn’t a threat to him. How silly.

Dated a widower for a while ,I'll never be enough for him so I ended the relationship plus he's drinking heavily. Never date a widower

awesome.

Hello! Thanks for this great information that is well informative. I've dated a Widower and I agree it's one of the most unique and challenging relationships to be in. Don't bash me for this as I'm a first timer at this, but with all the complications faced with wondering if a Widower is ready to open his heart and not having to compete with a Ghost, would it be idle if a Widower not get a relationship or remarry? Especially depending on the strength of the bond him and her shared before the tragedy. I notice each Widower is different and moves on at different pace, do you think this has to do with the type of bond he had with his Wife?

I send every widower I meet to listen to you.

So these comments trash widowers? A group that was actually in a working relationship, while people run in droves to date and marry divorcees with 2-3 kids already. We all have some sort of baggage, grow up and give people a chance lol. This is to the commenters, I think the video was constructive.

Im a widower of 14 years and i know im good to date but finding someone is i guessing nearly impossible

My wife passed in 2014. Never felt that she left a void that has to be filled. I have learned to love living alone and without dating and woman. At 66, my life is so content a peaceful. (PS: Only had three dates in my life before I married her in 1987. We were both Catholic and virgins.) Love is not the answer for me. Can't see what I would gain from being with a woman anymore.

As a widow. I have similar issues. Just didn't jump into a committed relationship. I have confused a few men. After about 8 years I'm closer to actually ready to date. It takes what it takes

Do you think these truths also apply to (women) widows?

2 and a half years later he still wants to have his cake and eat it, doesn't want to marry me yet I do most of the cooking, housework, he helps sometimes, I have to remind him about general stuff and I pay towards the food shop and gifts etc, but I'll always be second best

Up was one of mine and my late wife favourites movies

I never asked about the pictures of him and his late wife on the walls in the living room. I always thought it was a part of him and after 13 years of her being gone he's been able to love me for #1!

What if he says his daughter put him on the dating APP!!

Every time he would bring up his wife who had passed, then I would bring up my Ex.

😥😞

Do not waste time other women will want to jump you they know to play the sympathty card with a number of persons

A lot of these 10 facts apply to widows as well

I like the advice given here. I don't think that any of this is set in stone though. I'm in a relationship with a compassionate man who is trying to focus on me. He's imperfect, but he's perfect for me. I have decided to drop a few hints about the shrines and then try to be patient with him. He is still actively grieving for his late girlfriend of 18 years. It's difficult, but I know it will be worth it. (We watched "A Man Called Ove" last night, and he teared up when Ove packed up his late wife's sweaters.) He knows what he needs to do.

Abel needs to speak to the men. It's good to forewarn. But the men need to have healing exercises and realizations...reality checks. Many widowers out there jumping into dating within months of wife's death. They excuse themselves by saying it was a long illness. Then one wanted to have a heartfelt talk after only talks on the phone? Well. Abel's red flags for ladies are excellent !!!!

So most of the women commenting here have no baggage?I think not.at least many of us were in long term relationships that actually worked.im guessing the women commenting here most likely did not.

A widower cannot heal himself. Only God can heal his broken heart and bind up his wound. I’ve been a widower since November 10th 2021, after 34 years, and trust me it’s only because of God that I can even function.

1 - No. Disagree. 2 - OK. 3 - No. Disagree. 4 - No. Disagree. 5 - No. Disagree. 6 - OK. 7 - OK. 8 - No. Disagree. 9 - OK. 10 - No. Disagree. I've been widowed for over ten years now, not sure why I watched this, but, I can only agree with 4/10. So many assumptions. These are not comprehensive or true for most widowers that I've known, including myself.

I always feel good about my relationship until I watch these videos. Lol

hey i am a man widower , You say these examples like they are written in stone , they are not ! I qualify for at least 5 of your examples and it worked for myself Fabulously and i am thinking most Widowers would agree ! You can love 2 women at the same time , you just have to respectful and realistic about it !

11th uncomfortable truth: Don't.