1. Consistent lack of respect 2. Negative effects on mental health 3. Misaligned values 4. Feeling constantly drained 5. Manipulation 6. Lack of trust 7. Abuse of any kind 8. Absence of growth and mutual support 9. Persistent selfish behaviour 10. Destructive communication 11. Disregard for personal needs 12. Absence of mutual accountability
Yes and no. I'm almost 100% in social isolation. It is very very very damaging. We need positive interactions. We need to communicate with others. Alone with friends... Definitely. Alone alone alone... Never.
@@jenniehughes6927 I agree when I had relationships that were not good I felt more lonely than being alone. But now I am having time being alone. I seem to attract people who cannot give back
Last year i walked away from my immediate family and one of my best friends. It took years to get to the point where i realised thst my peace of mind was more important than my misplaced sense of responsibility that kept me bound to these people that didn't have my best interests at heart. My life has gone from strength to strength since doing this. I left them, not intending to hurt them. I told them this.... But to honour my need for peace...they didn't understand this... But my inner peace knows that what I did was something beautiful for myself.
Me too. My granddaughter is the only one I stay in contact with, and she completely understands why I blocked everyone else. They try to drag her into it, but all she tells them is that there's nothing wrong with me not wanting to talk to them and to quit asking her , because it has nothing to do with her.
Ditto. It’s hard when you have strong family values. But when you are constantly disrespected and gaslit and unappreciated then for your own sanity you need to walk. It’s taken me years to work out there was jealousy at the roots of it all. I loved my family. I wish them no harm but love my own sanity more. My best friend was always gloating about her life and achievements and had no interest in mine. I’m better off on my own and sure as hell don’t feel so alone.
Same here. Both parents deceased and I finally realized I was the only one treating siblings like siblings. Constant criticism, lack of regard, and receiving blame when I pointed out unkindness. My mental health is much better. Best wishes to you.
Good, but also extremely sad!! Sure there are good high value persons out there we can be associating with and enjoy more fulfilling lives. Not alone 😊 be out there.
Same here, my 4 children have somehow all turned out to be kind, sensitive people along with their partners, I'm so grateful. I've ghosted everyone I know, some, certainly didn't deserve it, for that they'll understand when we meet on the other side. I'm 64, at 61, I was diagnosed with 'in attentive ADHD", which literally explains my entire existence. A life lived with constant shame is conducive to many bad choices in relationships. Having spent the last few years understanding my history and realizing that I am an intelligent, thoughtful, diligent etc, person, I'm reflecting on relationships and constantly realizing how toxic so many were. My Brother has been out of my life for years and unfortunately my Sister has to go too, her way of treating me was always condescending, so much gaslighting etc. This listen was perfect, it spells out exactly what must be present in every relationship to create your own peace, I feel better than I ever have, lucky and blessed. I want to send that vibe to all ✌️❤️🕉
I also learned much to late in life. I believe it was because it was family and we tend to give much of ourselves up for family at the cost of ourselves. Not anymore.
I actually think it is worse than that. Familiarity breeds contempt, and I have seen it even in the eyes of people I cared about. Way she goes sometimes.
I am extremely privileged to have learned that lesson early. It was still hard and it still hurt, but I got it out of the way, at least. Many blessings to you on your journey to emotional peace!
Not in every case. I know some boisterous people I love very very much and who’ve stood up for me aggressively over the many years I’ve known them. My brother is one.
Dear God, grant me the wisdom to see truth in every situation, the insight to make wise choices, and the understanding to learn from my experiences. Amen.
Bad friends ruin lives. Anyone who introduces you to bad habits believe them. Don’t take them back. Believe their bad actions no matter how they change the next day. They are not to be trusted. They keep coming back cause they have no one. That is why because they are not kind down deep inside and they do not want to see you happy. Do not waste your precious time on these people.
Some people really do act like crabs in a barrel. They do not wish to be alone in their misery and will drag everyone else in their orbit down with them.
Awareness is crucial….we need to forgive ourselves for having been unaware and that should be upon our terms not those of the offenders. VERY difficult. Again, awareness key
Family usually knows when they abuse my problem with my tricky family is they deny my reality they tell me how it really is or how it should be and they don't waver so I showed them I was different and they don't accept it and now I feel scapegoated as well maybe I'm just "too sensitive"
I will have to watch this 100 times. At 70 yrs old I have had to cut off or be cut off from 3 disrespectful daughters. Ages 50, 48 and 42. Everyone we grew up with is shocked by their behavior. Now my 33 yr old son has joined the ranks. If I tell new people I meet about it they automatically judge me as a bad mom which anyone who knows the truth knows that is not the case.
You're delusional. If you prefer to call 4 of your offspring disrespectful rather than looking inward when others also notice you as "a bad mom", then surely, you should be in need of a mirror.
This is happening to me to. A short time ago, my 4 grown children raved about me being a good mom. Even their friends called me mom and would say they wished they had a mom like me. Fast forward about a year, and each one had their own selfish reasons for discarding me. It's been others in their life pulling them away. Mainly toxic,sad partners. The devil seeks to destroy. I have moved on with my life, but I have supportive and genuine love for them. I understand what's happening and will always be here for them. We have to be wise enough to understand what they're doing while dealing with the hurt. It's been hard.
Me, too! I’m 68, 47 yo dtr. She’s just a nasty piece of work sometimes. Not all the time but often enough that I’m really guarded when she’s around. I don’t want to exclude her completely so when things start to go sideways, I suddenly remember a dental appt. I need to go to. No matter the time, I exit stage left. I want to help with my grandkids, so I won’t cut her off completely. It’s tricky. My other dtr is in the same boat so we are a good support team. I take some bad with the good and try to be thankful, but I hear you, sister!❤
@@pimmspimms5462 They have there reasons for sure. Hope you live long enough to interview some who have cut off good parents and some who love and care for parents who were not good parents.
I have done this with a toxic narrsacist sister and moved on and no contact, I am amazing now, been four years, no more of these issues from her anymore. Letting go gave me back my mental and physical life and time and money. Best decision ever. Thank you .
I am called goody two shoes because I don't gossip,lie, butt in their business, don't criticize, and am a Christian, and they are critical. I don't go around my family at all. I can see my brother's house from mine but we haven't spoken in 13 years. I have worked very hard all my life and never asked for anything from them and my life has been good. I have made mistakes but they are mine and I own them. My opinion is that they are jealous of me and what I have achieved on my own.I don't sit around and gossip about them, I have better ways to spend my time. I love them but I don't respect them so I don't go around them. My family are so materialistic and I am not. I prefer to help others when I can. I lead a simple life and I love it. God has been good to me and I try to pass it on!!!
Great comment. They criticise you because you being virtuous and honest highlights back to them that they aren’t behaving well. So, they don’t like you being good as they feel threatened.
Most people today adopt a hedonistic philosophy and practice it without realizing that it doesn't lead to a good life. My family is like yours, but I just quietly live my own way while still maintaining some contact.
Marcus Aurelius was the greatest of the Roman emperors. When a devastating plague hit Rome, he didn't head off to the country villas like so many aristocrats, but stayed in Rome, selling off palace treasures to take care of his subjects, until he eventually caught the plague himself & died. An example to us all of a life well & nobly lived. Everyone should read his short book, 'Meditations'.
@@Lina-cy2yc Yes, but none are as verbally damaging to normal thinker , as a narcissist. And, Never call a narcissist a narcissistic. Tthat would shift blame to them, and, they can't deal with realiity. They can become dangerous!
I once dated a woman who had a dog named Buck. This woman was always telling Buck what to do and how to do it. When I finally ended our relationship, she couldn’t understand why I was doing so. I told her that she needed a man like Buck and that I wasn’t Buck
Thank you Lord 🙏🏻and stoicism lessons. I am a guy where I failed on plenty from 12 rules of my marriage . If I don't see it for so long never will changed myself . By time I understood where I failed . I love my X and try to talk if is any possibility just to sit and talk . I changed for a reason . Will be an important for both of us if it can be . Thank you and God Bless 🙏🏻
Did she treat u like she treat Buck? If not you're not fair to her in fact u're narcissistic to punish her that way just bcos u like dogs so much and disagreed how she discipline her dog. As long as there's no animal cruelty involved. You didn't explain here how u relate Buck and u got the same treatment from her. Maybe you're not that into her.
My roommate was extremely disrespectful. But I was able to laugh at his ridiculous comments. He is dead now. I cared for him for seven weeks in hospice without resentment. His cruelty made me strong. Nicodemus predicted that the 2020 decade will be the worst that the world has ever known. I pray that I will be strong and make right decisions during this trying time. So far so good.
Those people are in pain and staying away is best. If it’s family taking care of them in last days is a sign of true character and realizing that loyalty is important.
I'm taking care of my crippled mother along with hired help. I do distance myself to maintain some degree of tranquility. If I was consumed in her sterile way of life I would self destruct.
I will say every situation is different. My experience has greatly improved after creating distance from my immediate family. It sucks and it looks bad from the outside. If your family uses you as a scapegoat, you need to step away for yourself and the greater good. It is not selfish.
I have a manager with all 12 of these traits. It's bizarre. I had worked there 15 years before he came along. Boundaries are huge, but cutting contact is important, because you can't have a boundary that makes someone else less stupid. You are the combination of the 5 people you spend the most time around, so keep good company and cut all contact with bad company. You are worth it.
@@CamStubbs You said avoid anyone with a cell phone. My point is that adults without a cell phone are a rarity in 21st century. Therefore such people are hard to find, let alone avoid . My opinion and my experience . Inattentive attention???
When it comes to those types of people i show my strength by bending them to reality while forbidding reality to bend to them. You can see the pain in their eyes as they try to do harm to others but only end up harming themselves
Thank you for sharing your perspective! It's powerful to see how standing firm in your principles can reveal the true nature of others' actions. We're glad to have you with us on this journey of resilience and inner strength. Keep embodying those Stoic virtues!
I am a big fan of Stoic philosophy and the lessons in stoicism from Seneca have been my guiding light for my whole adult life. Thank you very much for making these lessons available to us.
Allow me the wisdom to let be and create what I need inside me. Like minded people inspire, learning and failing with grace as I learn how to structure boundaries reflecting growth and willingness to work towards balance ⚖️☯️🕊️ Love this 🤍
I appreciate your videos, and believe this particular platform, specifically RU-vid, is an ideal forum. #1 is so vital and yet, I have witnessed it before, time and time again, with friends who are seeking relationships. I say look at how you are being treated. Have some dignity, some self worth..If and when we ( in general) can learn to value and appreciate Life , without the validation from others, then, half the proverbial 'Battle of Life' has been won.
12 checkmarks for me... It's not easy to break free from a narcissistic family, when being the black sheep. When I block them on the phone, they start stalking at my front door... I absolute love this house and place where I am, but this doesn't stop. I have everyday tears thinking I need to move to somewhere else....
I appreciate this. I really want to mend the relationship I had with an old friend but I see the many ways we struggled in trust and accountability and a little with feeling drained and lack of respect but nothing too serious
Need to add that if a person is interpreting something as disrespect, they need to discuss that with the person to see if they can clarify. Jumping to conclusions or dealing with people mental illness or personality disorders does not count. This advice should be to rational humans with a sound and rational mind and good communication skills
I’ve always wondered what stoicism would say about the narcissistic individual and this video explains it so well combining the virtues we can focus on in ourselves as we set boundaries with the tools of awareness mentioned here. Thank you!
Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm glad the video resonated with you. Stoicism indeed provides valuable insights on how to deal with narcissistic individuals by focusing on our own virtues and setting healthy boundaries. The tools of awareness that Stoicism teaches can really help us maintain our peace and integrity in such situations. Your engagement means a lot, and I'm happy to know that you found the explanation helpful. Thanks again for watching and sharing your thoughts!.
Stoicism always felt like the ultimate cope when I was young. Now, later in life, I've come to realize that less is more, as they say, especially when it comes to other people in your life.
Stoicism is a philosophy that intrigues me. As I study this philosophy in greater depth, I seek to integrate its principles into my life so that I can continue to grow intellectually, morally and emotionally.
This video offers such profound insights on the importance of relationships! The lesson that our peace of mind is worth protecting by cutting toxic ties is a powerful reminder that self-respect should always come first.
This is why Ive manifested to get away from here even though Im telling people here I like it here (in my hometown) I know God is with me & protecting both me and my daughter!
Social media has ruined relationships because of the weak people on it trying to impress or look for attention on it and telling people their personal problems and the others use there weakness to take advantage of them.....smh...
Your content is very well presented, and this has been one of the most balanced videos yet. (In that you mention both discernment with self and others, as well as working with situations as they are and knowing when to remove oneself.) Thank you for sharing!
Criticizes our character when they are uncomfortable but if we finally democratically be “honest” and express ourselves it is met with offense and refute. The expectation that we need to grow while they don’t think they need to address their ways and communications that are far from perfect. Lack of insight is huge! I don’t want to have to point everything out; I review myself all the time and accept my growth moments. I don’t understand their fear to change something that is obviously destructive.
Thank you for sharing your thoughts. It's indeed challenging when others aren't willing to reflect on their actions while expecting us to constantly grow and change. Your self-awareness and commitment to personal growth are commendable. It's important to recognize when certain relationships are no longer healthy and to take steps to protect our well-being.
Thank you for this teaching. It has validated my inclination that when our teenage daughters graduate high school, if nothing changes with the way they interact with us including their disrespect, manipulation, dishonesty, and selfishness, they will need to move out and make a life for themselves. I will tolerate living with children that are dependent on me, but once they are adults and have their high school diploma, I will not live with someone who traits me with disrespect, dishonesty, selfishness, and manipulation. We adopted our daughters when they were 8 and 9 years old and were naive as to how much influence our love could have over them. Thank you for the validation.
This is so beautifully done! tyvm! Points I have been feeling in work relationships that are distanced for various reasons. Everything you wrote is brilliant! Manipulate constant destructive communication! You nail it!!! It’s just very empowering to be armed with peace and clear calm logic
It’s kind of like sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day when it’s too cold to be sitting outside on a beautiful sunny day. I think I’ll go inside. I am now inside. Snug. Warm. Relaxed. Happy.
I watched this video in order to make informed decisions about how to proceed with my alcoholic brother and my parents who have been enabling him for more than twenty years. I believe this video contains everything my whole family and I need to know and-more importantly-act upon indefinitely.
Hi Elizabeth, Thank you so much for watching my video and for your thoughtful comment. I'm really touched to hear that it resonated with you and could help provide some clarity in such a tough situation. Dealing with addiction and enabling in the family is incredibly difficult, and it takes a lot of strength to face these issues head-on. I'm glad you found the information helpful, and I hope it gives you and your family the tools you need to move forward. If you ever need more support or have any questions, don't hesitate to reach out. Wishing you and your family all the best.❤️❤️💕
Welp he ticked all the boxes glad I left… now left to pick up all the pieces and deal with the gaslighting to validate my actual experience…. Deff take heed of these warning signs or you won’t recognize yourself anymore..
Don't sweat it boy, that's called wrinkles - one day we may all have some, .. or not. Staying chill, one's facial muscles relaxed to the max may prevent such intensely pronounced ones
When someone should feel a sense of reciprocation but instead the entitlement gets bigger and bigger. Including disregarding all that was given and shared at the slightest setting of a boundary.
This video offers deep insights into recognizing when relationships may no longer serve our well-being through a stoic lens. The emphasis on mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values resonated with me. It's a timely reminder to cultivate relationships that uplift and support our growth. For those interested in similar themes, I've discussed related topics in my own videos. Thanks for sharing this valuable content!
@ResilientLifee Thank you so much for your thoughtful comment! I'm really glad to hear that the video resonated with you and that the ideas around mutual respect, mental health, and aligned values struck a chord. It's so important to be mindful of the relationships we keep and how they impact our well-being. I'm looking forward to checking out your content as well, and I appreciate you sharing your perspective here!
I’m currently going through this process. It seems like my list of people is getting shorter. As soon as I spot those flaming hot red flags- that’s when I start to consider the cons over the pros. One recent example is, I normally don’t go and seek out friends online, but I recently became suspicious of someone who I thought was the actual person posting content on their account, but it could have been someone else posing as them the entire time. Talk about getting played. I will never engage with another account like that ever again. It was a very gut wrenching experience. 💔 Especially on the day before my birthday. 😭
I dislike it when people relentlessly turn up late ⏰ it’s clear they don’t respect your time they think it does not matter. I can’t be asked with these types.
And I hate it when someone just drops by out of the blue . Am I supposed to just drop what I'm doing and entertain them? Hell no ! Let me know when you're coming and I'll be happy to see you...but not if you're hours later than you said you would. If that makes me harsh, then so be it.
All this stoicism reminds me of what i say to the check out ladies when they ask me "How are you Morry" to which i reply "I'm perfect, it's just the rest of the world thats me, me and more me"!
Thank God for these videos. They should be part of the school system so society’s tyrants can be exposed and dealt with earlier in one’s life. Sadly most times they are your parents. I remain hopeful for our society. The pendulum does swing. Please, you know who they are in your life .Take a stand against their behaviour so it won’t happen to others coming up the line behind you.
I actually cut ties with a really close friend recently. I thought we were as close as sisters, and then i didn't even get an invite to her wedding. From expecting to be in the wedding party to not even be invited, broke our relationship to pieces. The reason is that i dont get along with the groom's youngest brother and could start an argument. But, there are members in that family who caused even more disturbances than me, but they're invited. They keep saying family is more than just blood but then do this. I was actually relieved when i cut ties. That really showed just how unequal that relationship was. Oh, I'm sure she's calling me a selfish bitch to everyone right now because i decided to put my well being first.
I'm so sorry to hear about your experience. It's incredibly hurtful when someone you consider family doesn't reciprocate that feeling. It sounds like you made a difficult but necessary decision for your well-being. Relationships should be equal and based on mutual respect and understanding. Prioritizing your mental and emotional health is never selfish. Stay strong, and know that sometimes distancing ourselves from toxic situations is the best way to find peace and true happiness. Thank you for sharing your story..
Gratitude rises within me, listening to these 12 lead prinziples, to cocreate a healthy thriveing relationship! And remembering that my first relationship is the one with me on rhe base of my consructive or abusive upbringing in the family, I feel it mandatory to first check what I create as relationship with my self! This seams to be of paramount importance, because this reflects my cocreation in relationships with my surroundings, with mother Earth and her children!🌀♾🙏🐛🦋🕊🌈🎼🎵🎶MarcAntoine
Very good wisdom imparted. However, the backgroud piano playing is unfortunate..sounds like someone plunking on keys, and takes away from listening carefully..
Thank you for your feedback! I appreciate your kind words about the wisdom shared. I'll definitely keep your comment about the background music in mind for future videos.
I know deep down, that these Stoic ways, and the Stoic Principles, are Correct. They Especially Apply, when One is Dealing with the Profuse & Complex ways, of trying be anywhere around People that are a Narcissistic.😢
Thank you so much. The expression, with such great clarity, of relationship dynamics has helped me tremendously. It comes at a very opportune time in my marriage. 🙏
I have just cut contact with my sister, she meets all of the above criteria, we are 55 and 56, she has hurt and upset me all my life, I have tried to set boundaries but she just doesnt get it, she never says anything positive and takes every opportunity to be negative about how I live my life, according to her I should live my life exactly as she does, I have to be the same as her, we are very different people and she doesnt respect that I am an individual, and think and live my life differently to her.I am at a point in life where I do not put up with people like this.The dynamic between us and our mother is also screwed up, I think my mother is a narcissist and has manipulated me and my sister which is part of the problem, I think she is the golden child, its sad but very toxic, subscribed and hoping I can go on a road of recovery with your help
This is all true, but what if youre being abused, etc. by a daughter and cannot see your beloved grandchildren with whom you have a healthy loving relationship if you distance from the daughter?
You must walk away. It took me a long time to end my marriage to a man who had zero respect for my feelings. So destructive. Happier now alone. Wishing you the best 😊
What's not shown or talked about are trauma and effects on attachment. I'm finally taking responsibility for it now, but yeah, motivated by the pain of losing my gf. There definitely was love and not abuse but there was neglect (by me, the avoidant). I didn’t even know about attachment styles! Or that my childhood trauma and its effect on my behaviors patterns in relationships. Just like Markus Aurelias, I too was adopted. Mine after a bad early childhood, saved by Grandparents, then sent to 3 foster homes. But the 3rd home was loving. Earlier experiences still had an effect on my ability to trust - one of the pillars and foundations of any healthy relationship. With respect to Stoicism, I need to take responsibility for fixing myself. And If I'm able to make amends to her, I certainly will do that - she created obvious, implicit no contact situation.
