14 Super Powers That Every Movie Character Apparently Has - After Hours 

i'd have the power of having a shitty job yet be able to afford an apartment way too expensive for me to realistically afford to pay rent

I'd like that superpower where you're handed a document (normally something complex like a legal text or scientific report), look at it for a second and are now intimately familiar with its contents.

I want the ability to break into song in public, which will lead to everyone in close proximity to join me in song and dance. And when the song is over, everything goes back to normal and nobody ever questions what the fuck just happened.

I mean, the "magically affording a great flat" thing was already alluded to, and that's basically all I want in life.

Notice how the good guys ALWAYS find a parking spot directly in front of their destination. They never have to circle the block five times then eventually park seven blocks away. Now that's a superpower worth having!

"I am sick of having to incite a riot to see myself on tv." That is the best quote of all time

I want the power of having conversations two feet away from someone without them hearing anything.

"Everything Going Back to Normal" trope is only good if your life was good to begin with. Family Guy had an episode where Meg fought back against her family for treating her like crap, making them realise how horrible they all are as people, but everything went back to normal in the end.

I would have won this conversation; *Training montages*. Learn anything, improve yourself in any way, in a paltry 5 minutes.

Being able to hear the background music when a person or situation is introduced. You know if this cute new guy is your next boyfriend or a serial killer right away.

I would love for people to set me up to deliver witty comebacks.

I think Katie had it right. one of the hardest things in life is figuring out what you want and then how to achieve it. it would be nice to know what exactly you need and want

i would want plot armor the ability to never die or get hurt unless its a heroic sacrifice

I would love the superpower where each of my friends have an ability to do something amazing. Like when I watch certain shows or movies the main character always finds out that they have a friend who can hack, a friend who's a skilled martial artist, a friend who knows famous people, a friend who can cook, a friend who knows every language on earth, etc. all to advance the plot of my life

I come back ever 3 months or so and I rewatch all these. We need to get these guys back together and remake this show. It’s amazing! Miss you guys hope you all are doing amazing and healthy.

Definitely training montage.

Montage Power! if we need to get something done, we just start a musical montage and by the end of the song, whatever we need is fully accomplished. Huge time saver and we didn't to bother with any actual work,

"Hey, how about in restaurant scenes, when the meals come, and the actors don't eat they just keep talking and let the food congeal?" "What about it?" "Nothing." ... "You going to drink that beer?" "Holy shit where did this come from?!"

how about the super power of sudden teleportation in time and space....person x takes his keys, walkes out of his apartment....and suddenly is at his destination...without having to go through all the traffic ^^

I would like the ability to whisper without ever being overheard. Or the ability to be 100% anonymous as soon as I put a mask over my eyes, or the ability to sneak in conspicuous ways without ever being seen.

Best Movie Superpower is near invincibility! Like in action or comedy films, every death shot is a flesh wound, every cracked skull is a small bump and every wound can be healed with bandages! with lots and lots of bandages and in the next episode or few seen later you're all right! NO wait! Montage! Montage is the best superpower! hands down!

In honor of Star Wars coming out this year, you should do an After Hours about how Anakin Skywalker was right, and the Jedi were evil. If you take out the name "Jedi" and just list their requirements, it reads a lot like they were building a cult of emotionless husks that they train from childhood (a lot like indoctrination). The conversation would be interesting, plus with the passion of Star Wars fans, it'd be pretty interesting :)

The power to NOT have to go to the bathrooms when on important long journeys would be great. (Think how Aragorn, Legolas & Gimli chase the Uruk-hai all the way to Rohan without needing to take a toilet break)

i want the power to hear all info one, never have write it down. and remember it forever (or until it is useless). think of how many times this happens in movies. they are told complex things to do, told phone numbers and/or addresses, and so much more. never write the info down, never recite it to themself. but remember everything perfect. i hate how every movie i watch has someone doing that, and i can't remember to go left or right when heading home some days

My superpower would be to be able to break out into song and have everyone join me with a choreographed dance; but only for one lone day every four years or so. Or maybe it would be to only have well thought out and researched conversations.

+ The ability to knock someone out with a single blow to the back of the head. + The ability to blow up various vehicles just by shooting at them + The ability to survive fatal injuries by jump cutting to another location + Never having to be that worried about gang fights because they'll only ever attack me one at a time + The ability to master various martial arts in less than a week by doing random motions and exercises and then defeat someone who has devoted the last thirty years of their life to mastering the art but I know one simple trick that he missed and I can defeat him easily + Unlimited ammo + The ability to procrastinate anything as long as I can get somewhere with one second left on the clock and save the day + The ability to hide from someone's peripheral vision by being off camera (or even hide in front of them for particularly shitty directors) + The ability to fall from dangerous heights and/or moving vehicles without being seriously injured + The ability to pull a win out of my ass every time no matter how strong, smart, or well prepared my opponent is because I can just win by a technicality or someone running in the door at the last second with what I need + Being able to constantly be in the right place at the right time to trip into everything I need + Anyone I call is right next to the phone whenever I need them to be + Never needing any information in the first 50-100 pages of a book because all books start in the middle Good gosh, looking at all of this crap, why in the hell do we even bother watching unbeatable gods pretend to struggle with what must be simple tasks?

I never noticed how they always hang up phone calls as soon as the information is conveyed. I will not be able to unsee that.

The ability to read, write and speak all languages in perfect native dialect.

I would want the power of montages. Able to just say "I have to train the hardest in my life" and then some epic music plays, and in five minutes to everyone else, months, or even years has passed for me, making me an expert in whatever it was I was training for. And it applies to everything, literally. Cooking, music, exercise, fighting, inventing, you name it. You black out for awhile, and when you come to, you suddenly have this wealth of knowledge that you can recall to perform any task. Sanic, there is no way you can build an interstellar ship. You don't have the resources, or the knowledge to do that. Then I guess it's time to hit the books. *80's rock starts playing in the background while I am at the library past midnight, and as time flies by, more and more books are piling up* Then, it cuts to you either finishing the training, or finishing the task you set out to do.

It’s a shame to waste time evacuating your bowels if it doesn’t somehow advance your life plot. #itsavideomfers #AfterHours

I want a laugh track when i make a joke. Just so i know it landed, or that im expected to laugh by those around me.

Having a soundtrack would be pretty good. Ya'd be able to know whenever danger's afoot, by the eerie percussion noises, or if the person you just met is the love of your life, by the sappy fanfare that plays when they flip their hair in slo-mo. It'd be sort of like having a sixth sense, without totally ruining the suspense of the narrative.

Tbh, I would have the ability to afford a nice apartment and comfortable life despite never seeming to work.

I would like to be able to get up immediately after being punched in the face-- without losing any teeth, sustaining any brain damage, or getting my jaw wired shut.

"For some reason, I am confused, like, ALL the time." I relate on a spiritual level.

People seem to have totally missed the fact that in that Sherlock scene, he was talking to (and bedazzled by the unexpected nudity of) Irene Adler. It was a hint at a romantic subplot between them that never really materializes. Most screen adaptations do this with Irene, even though the books are pretty clear that Holmes is essentially asexual and admires her on a purely intellectual level.

I'm a teenager with thick glasses who spends a lot of time on his computer. If I were in a movie, that would automatically mean that I'm either be a brilliant computer nerd/hacker or a scientific prodigy of some kind, drawing the attention of treasure hunters, spies, schools for the gifted, etc., looping me into some awesome adventure or intense character drama in which my intellect would be a vital component. I might even be lovably awkward/comedic and get the girl at the end after winning the day, whom I've been pining for the whole movie, but for some reason goes out with the most unlikable dolt in the school while showing obvious signs of liking me more.

If I had to choose one TV convention to use in my life I'd pick the one where who ever is the villain is very clearly and obviously evil and makes practically no attempt to hide just how maniacal they are. Could you imagine just how much easier life would be if every bad person was A. objectively and unquestionably evil without need for debate and B. was obviously overt in their evilness. "Hmm, I wonder who I should vote for in the upcoming election. Senator Micheal Henderson, senator Puppykicker McCruel , or senator Dr. Destructinator IV... well I'm pretty sure I could eliminate at least one of those options."

7:47 This explains a lot about Soren. Every improbable event or encounter he casually mentions (like the prom night limo) is actually him hazily remembering a much more mundane event. Somebody should make that a video series, over analysing cracked content and reading between the lines to come to startling and unexpected conclusions.

You remember how Micheal said that in some shows, the character needs to explain what they were talking about? I basically have that: whenever I use a weird word or phrase, people always ask me to explain it. It's like living in an episode of, freaking, Wordgirl.

i thought i was the only one that noticed Soren's ear ring

"I've never once had sex on a bed" This, Soren, is why you are my favorite.

Here's one: Characters randomly having specific photographic memory. Like someone will be given a long, complicated set of instructions without having anything repeated at all and then remember everything exactly. Or sometimes what is said to them is barely audible and yet they know exactly what was said. Also having that one friend that kind of likes computers and therefore is a master computer hacker that can hack government satellites and provide me with top secret, highly classified information would be great. Oh and living in a house/apartment that would normally be WAYYYYY more than I could afford. Or being a lazy, ugly fat piece of shit dude (possibly alcoholic as well) with a smoking hot wife that doesn't care If I fuck up or generally do whatever I want.

The obvious answer is to learn ANY SKILL via montage.

Has Dan always been so buff? He's making Soren look tiny xD

I'd like the power to just create my own exposition. Where if I need to be able to pilot a plane or play exceptionally well at a sport I can just say "I had lessons years ago and never thought I'd need to use it." I could become the ultimate being.

"I've never once had sex in a bed" is quite possibly the best line to have ever been spouted on After Hours. Fucking sensational

the power to hit on girls like a babbling idiot and they'll actually find it cute

How about the ability to have music at a club magically lower its volume whenever characters have conversations? It always amazes me that no matter how earsplitting the background music is the characters barely if at all raise their voices... e.g. in The Matrix, Neo and Trinity are practically whispering to each other in that goth club...

The ability to not die/break your back after being thrown ten feet, and instead just being able to stand up and be okay. That would be a wonderful superpower.

The ability to always know exactly what to say and when to say it in order to solve problems, give people a foreshadowing knowledge to save them from a killer, or just get people to be friends with me. #ForeverAlone

The ability to hack any computer just by smashing random keys and words and saying "I'm in."

I'd love the 'missed plot point' or 'zoom in on forgotten object' review. Having the ability to realize you'd missed or forgotten something vitally important would be great.

My choice would be the Family Guy cutaway gag, where I can come up with any random situation, say it, and then after the cutaway the effects of whatever I just said take immediate affect. So for example I could say, "man, this is more awesome than the time Bill Gates gave me a billion dollars!" *quick cutaway gag* Instantly 1 billion dollars richer! It would be great!

tbh Cracked is more creative, interesting, and edgy than Buzzfeed. My opinion

I think Soren won this round. His reasoning and points are cohesive but Katie gave solid points also. Aaah I miss these guys

After Hours is my favourite Cracked series. I love how the conversations feel organic because they tend to not have a clear beginning or conclusion and it's just where ever the next thought leads you. Could do an episode about the fact there is no true original content (aka every comedy series is a remake of Friends) Could do one on films that have potentially better "hidden" message than the one that is stressed (Easy A, you shouldn't have to wait for things to 'get better'; Charlie and the Chocolate Factory, you should help those who ask and mock those who seek your advice and don't heed it; Mary Poppins, there's no shame in doing physical labour or low-profit work), or movies that end happy but would have horrific ramifications if seen past this point (The Breakfast Club where they get the 'nerd' to write their essay at the end of the day; If I Stay, the girl is now an orphan and woke up to be with a flaky boyfriend; Wall-E, humans have no idea how to cultivate earth or labour, the captain wants to grow pizza...)

You guys forgot the best one ever, montages, If you could just set a goal, do some of the work that it takes to make that happen, and its done! thats like 80% of the work needed to acomplish that goal, would be really good.

I'd want the power where everything I want costs exactly as much as I've got in my pocket at that moment.

i want the power to do 4th wall breaks just so im not crazy talking to myself

Could you guys do an After Hours about the Power Rangers? That would be pretty interesting.

I would have map travel ability. Whenever I would go on a long trip someone, I would just slip to map travel. A red line would move across a map, a couple shots of me or the vehicle I'm in and then I'd be there

I love Soren's facial expressions at the beer appearing at 4:20, priceless

10:06 -10:12 OMG!!! I thought I was the only one. I kept thinking, "Did I miss something?" "When did he do that?"

One superpower I want: Phone rings in the back ground, people in foreground ignore it and still talk amongst each other. Guy, also in background, picks it up. *"Hello...Yeah..OK, thanks"* Hangs up. Call lasts a maximum of 3 seconds. Guy goes to group and says: *"That was doctor Foulton. He says he's got the test results back. For Danny, the results are negative. So its good news, buddy. However, Jenny, you're test came back inconclusive, you'll have to repeat the test"*. How that guy got all that information within 3 seconds is just amazing.

CRACKED SHIPS JOHNLOCK OMFG

The power of the montage would be pretty great. I'd much rather listen to most of Eye of the Tiger in order to drop 40 lbs than spend the better part of a year working out and eating right.

The ability to wave my hands around to make anything I want. The insta-montage

"I've never once had sex in a bed" THE QUESTIONS. I HAVE MANY.

I love that they put Sherlock and John in there! #smooth

I want the movie power to fire any weapon and it NEVER runs out of ammo, overheats, jams or MISSES anyone.

We saw the Johnlock

Clever foreshadowing. I was already thinking what was up with Soren's new ear ring.

Did cracked just use Johnlock as an example of stuttering and falling in love?

THEY PUT SHERLOCK STUTTERING AT JOHN I CAN'T STOP LAUGHING

Mark Twain said: "Truth is stranger than fiction. Fiction has to make sense."

Best super power: Movie hacking

Appropriate background music to my day to day life.

Soren has an earring and I can't look away......

A movie superpower I would like to have is the hammerspace. Also known as the inventory in video games. It would be nice to not have to worry about only being able to use shorts that have pockets for carrying my wallet and other small objects, but instead only having to bring the object close to my hips to store it, as well as an infinite amount of other objects. I even know what I would put in my hammerspace too! Camping set, wallet, ten days worth of food and water, my entire collection of games, gaming consoles, my laptop, my cell phone, and a really big battery. Since stored objects are stored in separate pocket dimensions from each other, I won't have to worry about the water messing up all the electronics. While I'm at it, I'd also put a bicycle into the hammerspace, since that's a thing that is possible.

Nerds have more babe-savvy in movies than in real life. I could use me some of that.

I can't believe nobody has mentioned Zach Morris's freezing time power. In any case, I'd want that.

In movies and TV, everyone is so direct with everyone else. Everyone almost always effectively communicates their thoughts and intentions (unless that's part of the character or story), and no one beats around the bush. I feel like thought it might not be pleasant, it would be easier to live in that world.

I jsut want that unrealistically affordable housing

Thanks Cracked for finally explaining me what Deus Ex Machina means... seriously.

"Unrealistically affordable apartment" That's a good one, why not touch on that more?

Love the part where he takes off that shitty earing and everyone in the video is just like "Yeah, its for the best" #NowThoseAreGoodFriends

its almost been long enough for Soren to remember After Hours as a gym

Montage makes you badass. I want this power. It would be so nice to not actually have to work at anything, just montage it.

I can't believe that you left out the most hackneyed one! In every movie or TV show, EVERY dream that ANY character has is either the past as it actually happened or the future as it's actually going to happen. It's never just a bubbling stew of subconsciousness.

you should one about action movies,where the "good" guy gets chased and ends up driving on the wrong side and pretty much killing everyone that gets in the way and still end up being heroes at the end without paying no damage whatsoever

The movie superpower of having people completely understand what you say the first time you say it without clarification, amplification, or having it understood even if the statement is completely out of context with the situation. The Kryptonite is that anyone coming into the conversation will completely misunderstand the conversation even though all they would have to do is ask what the context of the conversation was.

I like the memory one; the ability to perfectly recall information or an event as soon as it becomes relevant to what you're doing

SHERLOCK!!!!!!!!!!!

I like the no social awkwardness in conversations idea, and the one about problems always being resolved at the end of the day, but that one is tied with the concept of always knowing what I want and always knowing what I have to do to make it happen.... I have social anxiety and am in college debating changing my major and what it would be or if I should stick with what I have now so these would all be super useful and convenient in my life.

I think the power of hearing the ambient music would be awesome ! Imagine being able to sense the danger just by hearing the music, you'll always be able to anticipate it

They spoke of phone calls but didn't mention no waiting when making calls, just press call and start talking.

The power of montage would be pretty sweet. Just have a few shots of me working out and I'd be ripped in no time. Or I could learn any instrument or language in the same amount of time.

"I am sick of having to incite a riot to see myself on the news ! " HAHAHHA DIED

I love the McGuffin one. My favorite instance of it was from penguins of Madagascar. They broke into a lab to steal the rare substance McGuffium-213. I love the thought there are possibly 212 previous forms of McGuffium.