140: Tanner Jones | My Life After Coming Out, Divorcing, and Leaving Mormonism 

Tanner is now married to my son and we love him to pieces. He is a wonderful son in law and his girls are adorable and gorgeous grandchildren. Wishing everyone struggling with their sexuality loads of love and hope that they too are able to go on to have a happy future.

Loved the interview. Compelling all the way through. I was married to a women for 13 years. She was the one to acknowledge that I didn’t, couldn’t, love her as she needed and wanted. After months of turmoil splitting up our secure home, I got my own place nearby to be close to our two children and started to negotiate “my” life truly. I have now been happily married to a man, the love of my life, for 25 years. My former wife and I are still dear and lifelong friends. I am so grateful to her for recognizing her truth, and opening a door to mine. She too is remarried to a great guy and we have all remained a close family. May your life’s be as blessed.

When Tanner said his Father took his face in his hands and told him that "We love you and that will never change", I knew Tanner would be fine. Tanner, you're a mature, well rounded and adorable young man. Your daughters are lucky and one day you WILL find your soulmate...He'll be a very lucky man...

Tanner was in my mission -- I served around him. Good dude.

Tanner - I have been out since my early 20's and now am about to turn 60. I have been with my current male partner for 16 years and married for 6 of those years - I have been in three prior long term relationships with men with whom I am still friends with today. Listening to you reminded me of my struggles with coming out and like you was so fortunate to have loving and supportive parents who despite their lack of complete understanding of my sexual orientation loved me all the same. Like you, I left my formal membership with my church (Catholic, though) but remain faithful to my God. That said, I wanted to acknowledge the work you are doing in helping those who like many of us struggle with living our authentic lives. Sadly there are so many not as fortunate as us to have a strong and loving support system. So I think the message you are relaying to them is that you have to be true to who you are and love yourself as you are. I really related to your story and thank you for the contribution you are making in instilling and for validating the sense of "normalcy" to who we are as LGTBQ individuals. May you find your mate who will fulfill the love your truly deserve.

Tanner, thanks for sharing. Old gay ex-Mormon BYU Grad here.

I'm a gay man and I'm not LDS and never have been, but I just watched the full 55+ minutes and was fascinated and intrigued. Very intelligent discussion. Thank you for what you're doing!

I'm pleased to hear that Tanner came out for his wife's happiness as much as for his own. How tragic if he'd stuck with his marriage, never letting his wife experience "true" love. I hope he finds it now, too.

Im a gay methodist ministers son from Indiana...I have had a difficult time.. Still am and im 60 . Im listened to all.you said. I am amazed at how well you did. Such a strong person Peace

If the worst thing you have to face God is having loved another man, I think you're going to be ok......

My hat's off to Tanner. Such a fine young man. Somebody will swoop him up. very articulate and very good looking

Tanner is incredibly articulate, and brave, especially for someone so young. I'm sure that Tanner's story will be very helpful to many people who need to hear his story.

Good luck to you Tanner! What a journey you've just begun. I'm a native Arizonan, 70 years old, brought up by fanatical evangelical parents. Even then, my mom and dad loved me unconditionally. I am celebrating 38 years with my husband Mike this year. Yes it is a success story, but it didn't come without trials and tribulations. Stay focused and reality based. Life ain't a bowl of cherries for anyone.

I just cried when he said that his father had grabbed his face and said that no matter what they (parents) loved him unconditionally…

I came out during college (1971) in San Francisco. I had left the church by that time, mainly due to the LDS doctrine about Blacks being cursed. As a white gay ex-Mormon, born in Utah, I determined to be honest about who I was. My parents (both teachers) were supportive, as I confidently tried to "educate" them about human sexuality. Tanner offers a very touching and honest account of his Mormon journey. Now his spirit can take a deeper breath and move forward. Bless him.

I watched this interview with interest. I had a similar experience, until I came out. My family and her family turned against me, and it was like a war. I was forced out after some pressure put on me by my own family. It’s going to be a struggle but I am not giving up. I am a decent, hard working man, taking care of my twin boys. And never abandoned anyone. Good luck to you Tanner, I am glad you have you families support. 👍

Thank you for this podcast. Excellent. As a gay Catholic man now 49, growing up gay in many faiths can be so stressful and confusing. It’s a journey and when you surround yourself with good people it helps pave the way. But so many can be mislead by the church that doesn’t recognize glbtq and the basic right that every person should be treated as equal. Nobody is better then Anyone else. We are all Gods children. Thank you tanner for so eloquently delivering your story. Bless you.

Tanner should write a book titled, "How to live a million years in seven days". His story is real, with emotion including his every day pressures of living secretly as a gay person. Great story.

At 71 and a Mississippi Delta Southern Baptist … I can identify truly … It’s so important to be authentically connected to our Great God as devout Christians … yet learn Truth for out gay-ness … My admiration and congratulations to you … my friend …Beau

41:15 In spite of apparently being surprised by your news, your dad thought to say the most important thing he could have said to you that night. You are very fortunate to have such loving parents and such good role models in parenting your girls.

I have heard many similar stories over the years, being a former Mormon and gay. These are not my experiences but a number of my friends have had similar experiences. Tanner just layed it out in the most accurate and articulate way possible. Well done, I hope he has a great life and finds his true love.

Remarkable courage and honesty here! Bravo finding and accepting your true authentic self, Tanner. Truly!

I think if there was one thing Tanner said that really stuck with me is that there's never a perfect time to come out. Thank you man. Appreciate it.

Tanner is a very good speaker. So concise, discreet, so respectful of traditions and beliefs. The struggle his (and his tribe's ) beliefs made maturity into adulthood very difficult. Many gay married men could TRY to hold up the "She deserves someone who can love her fully, like she deserves' couldn't do that with any sincerity or conviction. BUT, I believe Tanner was absolutely genuine each of the times he said that. Very nice interview.

Thanks. I'm now 58. I was 37 married and had no clue I was gay. After 3 years of marriage I had your tic tok moment where I saw something and then wondered. I was scared and excited. Wish I would have known younger. As a parent I realized I wanted to change my way of parenting. Let my kids be who they are. Spiritually, sexually, and whatever, I told them straight up I would love them whatever they chose. Education, jobs, friends I just realized as parents we pidgin hole our kids and try and make them what we want or what we think is normal. But let them be their normal and maybe it will be easier.

My story is so very similar to Tanner's. I'm not Mormon, but was Church of Christ and followed the path to marriage and two children, both boys. And I had the exact same regrets about having hurt my ex-wife and kids by having torn our family apart. Unfortunately my ex wasn't as gracious in her response to the situation and instead tried to get me to join an ex-gay program. Glad to hear that Tanner is now married to a man. I too have found my soulmate, my husband with whom I am very much in love. I wish Tanner, his husband, his kids, and his ex all the best as they move forward. And I hope this video can help others avoid the complications that come with trying to hide our true selves.

Thanks for this great story. I am in same situation after 27 years marriage and living on my own one year now. I am happier and feel living and sharing truth makes life as meant to be. My children and family are supportive for my happiness and living my authentic self. God bless Tanner and your truths.

It must be horrible to believe that you have an "incurable disease" but are unable to discuss it with your family. Good luck to this brave young man who has is a credit to his family.

I greatly admire for Tanner for being able to be so open so soon after his coming out. It's 19 years since I ended my marriage and came out as gay but the memory of those events never dim and so much of Tanner's experience rang true, but it is how we are reborn into the fate that was always our destiny.

Painfully beautiful!! As a gay man and a former member of the LDS faith, this spoke to my soul through lots of tears. Thank you for sharing your “testimony” 😉. Blessings to all involved. Tanner, did your coming out on Facebook affect your business at all??

I am very happy for Tanner that he has the strength of character to know who he is and to make the hard decisions that led to him coming out. It is a gift that his parents love him unconditionally. I hope he finds a life partner with whom he can share his entire self. I went 29 years in a marriage doing what I thought was the right thing according to the church and now I find myself alone and isolated. I wish Tanner the best life!

Tanner, you certainly are one strong man. Geez, I’m 58 and still in the closet. I never had a loving relationship because I live in a small town and state.I guess that’s why I never felt the need to come out.Please still stay strong with Jesus. Thanks for sharing your story

Tanner being gay/mormon has saved many lives by telling his story kudos to you young man...

I love tanners personality and his values,he is so genuine and got a wonderful perspective ,and I wish he lived near me

I really wish I was able to see a video like this when I was 14 or 15. It would have helped me so much. Thanks Tanner for sharing your story.

Thank you both. I've been out since 1974 at age 18, but I found this discussion riveting. An outstanding interviewer and an intelligent, beautiful young man. This will no doubt help many others. And I'm glad you were treated with love, unlike so many of us who came out in the early days. There has been progress. And young Gay people watching this will have their lives made easier because of your courage.

I wish we had never felt the need to hide our true nature and same sex attraction, but it's getting there. It's getting better. I hope you and your wife will find the loving partners that you deserve. Thank you for sharing your story.

Im a mom and. Loving parent my daughter just came out at 52 . I thought we could talk about anything but life never gave her the chance. We are stronger to let let her grow in her next have of her life. It was an accident that I tuned into you pod and I want to listen more. Thank you

Your story ends way happier then mine... Great for you! I don't see my family, but I live happy with my husband of 12 years now! And his family became mine!

What a facinating interview! This video could mean so much to so many. While I didn't have a super regligious upbringing, it was a big part of who I was throughout high school and part of my undergrad years. Just like Tanner, I could remember seeing the man in a heterosexual relationship and confusing my attraction for him as me wanting to be like him. Thinking back on that, I tried to be someone I wasn't by dressing and acting like the men I found attractive. I have a younger brother that is also gay and he actually came out before me. We're very thankful to have accepting families, but I know this isn't true for all people. I agree with Tanner - coming out on your own time is important. However, I hope that at some point in the future, coming out won't be necessary. I love the visibility people have to the queer community these days and it's stories like this that make me hopeful for a more accepting world. Thank you for sharing your story, Tanner!

I don't typically write this, but this podcast was very interesting! Tanner, you are such an inspiration. I came out to my son and wife almost 25 years ago. They are both gone and I loved both of them with all my heart. My wife and I stayed married until she passed in 2017. I miss them both still. Love your daughters with all your heart. I have a beautiful granddaughter who means so much. Your's and your ex-wife will eventually find the happiness that you both deserve. Thank you so much for sharing your story. You don't know how much it means to me. Blessings to you and all those you love!

What an amazing story. I can't imagine the pressures you endured trying to live up to what you thought was the "right" thing to do. Thank you Tanner for sharing.

What a lovely person Tanner is, I wish him much joy & happiness with whoever he finds, sounds like he has a great family who are so understanding as well!

Wonderful interview. Tanner can be such a great example for so many. Hope he finds the man of his dreams, and that his wife does too.

though I am not mormon and know just a little about how the church works, Tanner's story and presentation were helpful in understanding the context of his coming to terms and coming out - he seems to be coming from a pretty centered place and seems oriented towards what is true for him. That journey looks like a loving and intelligent direction. I admire him for his courage and awareness. My own coming out was much later - almost forty years of marriage and two adult children. Though we are separated by many years, I can relate to the emotional weight of years of conflict - and the release of telling the truth - and the uh oh, what now moments afterwards. If I can pass on anything to him and others in similar situations, telling the truth can be painful and liberating - it is also bonding. My partner and I feel very functional in our re aligned family - as does my ex wife and her partner. The kids are as loved and loving as ever. We just spent a great week together and look forward to many more. I stumbled into this channel - so glad I did

This is such an emotional and helpful story. It is so hard to deal with this when we are in a church that teaches it is wrong. I have to say it is so sad we have to tell people we are gay. No one has to tell every one they are straight. My heart goes out to Tanner and I do hope that his and this medium may help others in the future

I am glad Tanner will have peace with himself and continue to have a good relationship with his ex-wife And able to have a outstanding relationship with his two girls.. side note: Tanner is an attractive young man.. one more thing… I am glad Tanner’s parents didn’t kick him to the curb…. God bless him in finding happiness…

What a remarkable story by a remarkable young man and father. Your candor and stalwart commitment to doing the right thing is uncommon. You live the honest life that makes the journey worthwhile. Well done, and happy journeys!

Tanner Jones, it is a pleasure to hear from you.

Being an authentic Dad to your kids is the lasting gift you will give them. 💜. Walk your journey in love and kindness. Your heart and soul will be happy. My kids are the amazing part of my former marriage (to a woman), that I cherish every day. My ex and I found ways to co-parent, and today we have much fondness for eachother. Hugs

What a beautiful young man. I hope he finds much happiness in his life - THIS life.

Thanks, Tanner, coming out is a personal journey and you know when the time is right...thankfully for me it was within 2 years of my mission and before I got married...

Thank you. I went through this in the eighties and nineties. So, I'm down the road, but I appreciate Tanner's story. We live in a society even outside of the LDS faith that automatically makes it scary to live authentically for anyone gay straight bi trans queer questioning. Its a harsh reality that life and even our loved ones demand alignment to certain acceptable behaviors. Its a lesson for everyone who wants freedom and authenticity in their life. Thank you Tanner for reminding us/me that living authentically doesn't take away the challenges of life. Living authentically is living honestly and that carries pain disappointment and sorrow - but the pain is the result of vulnerability and openness instead of play acting someone else's version of life.

This is all so tragic. I’m glad you are helping other people in this situation.

I'm 63 been married to a woman and man. I have a great son and two granddaughters. You're journey sounds so familiar and makes me think back to over 30 years ago. You did the right thing for everyone! Religion drug you and your daughter's mother into the situation (start calling her than instead of ex - it's a healthier way to think). People need to be honest about that and put the blame where it deserves to be. On the other hand, it's been my experience that guys brought up with a religious or small town culture, after they break free, are some of the most grounded and real people you'll ever meet. You're going to be fine. Welcome to the gay dad's club :)

A wonderful story of finally realizing who he really is. I was raised Penticostal and my parents, I was there foster son were not happy and did not love me as your parents did. I am proud of you Tanner. Best of luck in finding your soul mate.

I knew Tanner as a young man. I always suspected he was going through something internally. I'm glad he is living to his true self now. I'm not gay myself, but I enjoy listening to these stories about people leaving the church. Thank you for your perspective, Tanner. Church members need to know that people can have 'true joy' outside the church.

Your story reminds me of where I am today. I have a wife and grown sons, but have tried to make it work. I also knew I was maybe bi, but at 58 I realized and looked in the mirror and said I am gay. Today at the age of 61, with a grandson, I am still not able to take that step. I also let me church because of their beliefs and and now attending a church that accepts all and I am able to sit beside my gay son and his husband. Happiness is very important, loving God and my family is also very important. To be young in 2021 and gay is much easier, however we all have to make the decision how to protect those we love and also be who we really are.

Don't know why this suddenly popped up on my RU-vid page a year and a half after it was videotaped but I'm glad it did and glad I took the time to listen all the way through. Thank you for putting this story out there. When talking about homosexuality we often forget the impact coming out has not only on LGBT people themselves, but on their loved ones as well. The tragic mistake Christians, including Mormons, have made in centering morality on our inborn sexual natures instead of on the ability to show mercy and compassion and grasp the importance of avoiding violence and deceit, comes through loud and clear in Tanner's personal story. Christianity, when it remembers it's about love, does not do to people like Tanner what it took him ten years to crawl out from under. I hope this story is shared as widely as possible among other gay young people.

Tanner--you have done the right thing! God Bless you as you go forth in your new journey.

I was struck by how parallel Tanner's story is to my journey as a Catholic, in the 1950s to the 80s. He is so honest and clear about his experience. I was quite touched by his description of his wife's immediate reaction, to comfort him and have compassion for his struggle, a wonderful similarity to his concern for her to have a happy, loving marriage with someone who could be fully there for her. You are a wonderful young man, Tanner - thank you for your story - I am sure it will help many others in similar situations, perhaps sparing them the regret you expressed of dragging your wife along through the journey. That was my biggest regret, also. Peace, love and joy always!

Thanks, Tanner for giving your story to the world. Religions are a tough cookie to crumble when it comes to interfacing of the straight and gay communities. There is no simple answer. Just being true to yourself is the first step in realizing happiness. I wish you all the best in reaching your goals. I am sure you will have no problem as you are an intelligent and likable fellow!! Cheers from Alaska!!

So beautiful and balanced, smart guy, very attractive too, inside and out

I loved this and completely Identify with his story because it’s mine as well. Thank you fir both Tanner and you Mr. Host’s bravery and platform .. we aren’t the only ones going through this.

Wow, amazing transparent story of honesty, struggle, and breakthrough. It's wonderful to hear of Tanner's coming out, his struggle, his sharing will offer hope to many. Courageous young man! Wonderful sharing!

What an awesome interview. No question this young man's testimony will positively impact many lives.

That LDS sees members like Tanner are suffering and ultimately leaving Mormonism must be a wake up call for evolving sooner.

You're very brave. I hope only the best for you, your children, and your ex-wife. Why would a church rather hurt so many people than allow their members to live who they really are? So now all of the ex-wives and husbands, along with children, have to come to terms with so much along with the member who is struggling with who they are. It's not fair and isn't what God would want. Again, brave.

You are like everyone else, a beautiful sweet young man! Kind, charming, and sincere!

By the way, Tanner, the comments are spot on with calling out how articulate, sweet, and handsome you are. Thanks for sharing your story with us. Love, -Kenneth

inspiring. A truthful assessment of one's self. Clear thinking, brave, and forthright dynamic….you are a hero for many

Wish you the best, Tanner. I came up in a fundamentalist baptist, conservative world. Having a secret knowledge about oneself that conflicts with that world view is hard, in and of itself. Living authentically is the best thing we can do for ourselves, and everyone around us. Whoever the guy is who eventually is right for you will be a lucky man.

What I didn't hear explicitly, although did hear implicitly, is that Tanner was every bit as much a victim of the LDS position on gays as his wife was. He was encouraged, even after coming out, to consider living the lie, with modern church bishops knowing full well it is not some reversible or fixable condition, but an ingrained orientation that will be forever. When honest, devout young men grow up with that sort of expectation and pressure to conform to a heteronormative construct, then they aren't really morally culpable for having tried to make it work, tried to the degree they married and had kids. Thank God there is a growing movement to overturn that tragic error in the LDS. May the more than half million gays born into Mormon families alive today see a better future than the path Tanner had to follow, the anguish to simply do what every straight man is cheered to do, supported to do, find a loving mate.

Anyone can see the light that shines bright from within, may You achieve the desires of your heart.

No idea why I clicked on this podcast but so glad I did. Tanner spoke of living his truth and being authentic. This was both truthful and authentic. You could sense the underlying relief of his finally being able to be his true self. A ten year journey back to himself. My church (not LDS) shunned me almost 50 years ago because I chose to study theatre. They said if I did, I would be asked to play bad characters and would depict evil and that was not acceptable. It was so hard loosing the fellowship I had. I left for London at 17 to study, and in a large city was able to find a community of like minded souls. I wish Tanner every happiness, his ex-wife and daughters will eventually realize that this was best for all. I wish him and his family every happiness.

Thank you. You helped me at the right moment of my life.

Thank you for standing up for what is right!

I am not mormon or have any affiliation but that was an amazing interview. Thank you both.

I was married for 33 years. Didn’t know how to face the shame in coming out until the death of my 22yo son from heroin. That create a catalyst and through counseling realized I was only in the marriage because of guilt and obligation. It was still very hard to leave. It was a choice between being happy or lonely depressed and suicidal. But once free I slowly felt happiness fill my being and that I was being true to myself. I cried as Tanner spoke when he came out because it brought back those emotions I felt when coming out. Hugs to you Tanner!

I am happy that Tanner came out and is happy. I come from the LDS family. Great..Great grand father was with Joseph Smith when he found the Golden tablets. I left the church for other reasons.. but I do have family members who left the church because like Tanner, they found their calling and the love of their lives and the Bishops did not approve so they left the church and married ans are living a happy life. The woman she married went through the church as Tanner and did the right thing...she did her mission came home fot married had 2 children and couldn't live a life that was untrue to her . 💔 true love will find a way. Hugs and 🙌 and to you Tanner 🤗

Loved this interview. Thanks for the story. I can relate to this so much. I'm in the beginning stages of a divorce after coming out and trying to find a path that works.

Living authentically has always been a struggle for me. Mormon Stories and Latter Gay Stories have so much to offer me. Thank you so much.

Thank you for this. Tanner's story was illustrated so wonderfully. Wishing him the best

Was married for 13 years divorced now 25 years best wishes for you!

A great episode Kyle. Tanner, thanks a lot to tell your story and be open with us. Mixed Orientation marriages do exist and hearing these stories are important.

I am soooo grateful to Tanner for sharing his life with us. This is my first time with your channel, I'm subscribed now. I love the open honesty. I'm a member, divorced from a non-member and have two grown children. Each persons road is different but no less significant and real than another's. I'm looking forward to more sharing and insight. Thanks

Thanks so much for this! Many similarities in my world and it was nice to hear someone in “today’s generation” that truly has her act together and us moving forward in a way that is awesome! Thank you both for sharing

I have a beautiful gay son around the same age as Tanner. This has been an amazing and very informative interview. Thanks 😊

As an LDS member I know just how you feel. I left the church after I attended a class and the then profit said masturbation was the cause of homosexuality. That's when I knew the church was wrong.

To quote Shakespeare (Polonius) 'This above all; unto thy own self be true'. I'm so pleased you are living your authentic self. Big Love

Really enjoyed listening to this video. Great in site from the perspective of a gay man. I couldn't imagine the pain it must of caused to not be able to be who you are. Thanks for sharing your experiences.

Thank You, Host of this pod. and Thank You Tanner Jones for sharing your life's journey, This is bread for the Soul...

I hope we all remember the things Tanner said, " My Aunt is is super positive on gay rights" My sister is bi-sexual" . His family has had experience with life issues, good for them!

What an incredibly well spoken, humble, and caring young man to KNOW in his heart of hearts through everything who he was, to go on that journey, and yet stay concerned that those around him understood why it was necessary, & keeping his children a priority through it all. I related to so much of this, growing up in the Southern Baptist faith (though I've struggled with these issues in different ways). I'm really rooting for you Tanner!

When singer David Archuleta came out last month he said the same thing that Tanner is saying @15:45-17:00.

What a strong young man. What a shame he couldn’t be the person he knew himself to be.

I am thankful to have found this channel. I am not Mormon but I have many Mormon friends, some of whom I suspect are deeply closeted. Thank you for the channel.

What an incredible story. There are so many other out there in a similar situation. Glad every thing has worked itself out. God Bless and Thanks!!!!

Terrific interview! Thank you very much. Tanner was very articulate and brought a very personal perspective to an issue that often gets muddled by our toxic politics.

Articulate and thoughtful. Thank you.