29 Minutes of Tom Segura 

Dude has like 100 million dollars and drives luxury automobiles...

@@justinbrooke3511 yeah, that's his life now. But before that he was a broke loser like the rest of us accumulating great life experience and stories. So chill dude.

His defense of Chris Rock solidified it for me even tho I had seen all his content previously

No question. One of the greats who gives nary a fxxk about any of society's pussification tactics. 😎✊🏼

@@error404blah How I am I not chill. I just pointed out that he's not relatable at all. None of you are world famous comedians. You don't have multiple podcasts that crush. If he wasn't particularly extraordinary no one would know who is.

Lmao

Segura.. what?? Japanese?

*Ssssssssegurrrraaaaaa*

@@HipHopRepair hah, YT even gives it a translate

Tomuske SEGUUURAAAAURU

😅😂🤣

I’ve been using it at my retail job ever since I saw his special. Truly crippling in an argument

Everybody sucks the worst are sore losers that go to look at DC monuments and waste moneys.

Imagining that the world must be just is self-destructive.

I use this quote weekly unfortunately

Segura-san 😂😂

​@@miikeyg123Sure-san. Is that like "Sure, Jan"?

Lmfao

@@TcrrorKinda like segura sir. I dont know much about japanese culture.

​@@ashenone3883ITS 11: 44 minutes in.

I was a cashier for a long time and had these meaningless exchanges multiple times every quarter hour. Once, I was fed up and just answered honestly. The guy goes, "I don't care. I'm trying to be polite." I was mortified and also angry. Like, are you? Being polite? Dude, all you had to do was nod and make some sympathetic noises. No need to be a dick. Lesson learned. I guess Segura is in that camp. It's really, really mind-meltingly boring to be a cashier and work with the public. I guess, I wanted a real connection and Brent The D-bag wanted to keep it real.

@@ImNotaRussianBot ya feel better?

@@ImNotaRussianBot I see where you’re coming from, but I’m gonna be 100% real with you as someone who worked retail and now kinda works food service (deli stuff)…work isn’t a place to be real with your emotions like that. Customers might be real with you, but they NEVER wanna hear your shit. They just want to be nice, maybe feel-dump onto you, and then leave. 99% of people say “hello, how are you?” because it’s seen as the socially proper thing to do not to be seen as a cunt, but none of us really give a fuck how the other guy is doing. If you have so much that you need to ‘dump’ onto someone, I’d talk to a therapist, because they’re paid to deal with that and can even help solve the issue! But never treat anyone at work (coworkers, bosses or anyone) like anything more than a stranger who doesn’t care about you…just think; how much do you care about any rando you see somewhere? not enough to wanna hear all their life problems AND be expected to listen else you be seen as rude, that’s for sure!

@@ejwillison2001 Oh, for sure. It was a moment of weakness. I felt foolish. At the same time, I think I needed a release. Cashiering in a busy grocery store is so soulless. I think I wanted a connection to a human when my back was killing me, my feet were swollen, and my internal dialogue was the black and white static seen on TVs.

I think we, as a collective, should probably just stop saying how you doing as a greeting. If you don't wanna know, just don't ask.

😂😂

Winner.

You know I was thinking the same thing actually.

Seguuuuuuuuuuuraaaaaaaaa!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

I thought he was Mexican…

what the fuck I would be mad

I was somewhere between mad at him and just confused

Always awkward when they ask you to "wait" at a place where there's usually no waiting. And they may ask you to just "take a seat over there" but if you do that... you may never hear from anyone ever again lmao. I'm guessing that was that dude's predicament.

😂😂😂

@@-dopeland-3349he was probably waiting for the manager or dropping something off and they just told him to wait there honestly

Wow! :-) You did!¿

Right same! I started writing stand up the other day well I am a quadriplegic so it’s more sit down but that’s beside the point and this guy is so much my humor I love it!

@@ThisIsWheelLife good start baby! I can already feel your good vibes!! DO YOUR STAND-UP while you lounge! Baby cake 🥰🤗

@@MrTPain Thank you I appreciate that so much! I just love making people laugh and have a better day and show people that even though life can fuck you up you can still fuck it back! Couple of my jokes You’ve heard of The sword making show forged in fire, well I was forged in a Firebird, yeah right out back actually! If at anytime during the show you see my legs moving nooo they still don’t work. Im just practicing my Quady Kicks! But be sure to watch out for my Quady Chop!👏🏼 There’s one good thing about being paralyzed. I can’t feel my nuts itching anymore. Went for a stroll one day in my wheelchair. my battery ended up dying and I needed a jump. I was just glad I had my Cripple A card thankfully now a lifetime member.

@@ThisIsWheelLife dues paid.

I tried and tried but couldn’t understand the joke, can someone plz explain?

@@OSgaming93 "Slow" people often are unable to to drive, so they have to have someone give them a ride to work. Basically he's talking about someone who is a little mentally challenged.

​@@Kid_Ying thank you brother you helped all non native English speakers in here

As a native english speaker, I couldn't even figure it out.

@@Banks0213 do you get dropped off at work?

They've musta planned it! How'd he take it?😂😂😂

I need answers damn it

People are waiting for answers here dude!

It’s been a year @monkeDLuffy the people need answers! 😂

@@Vanness11 Tom was mid-bit when the baby let out a typically baby sound and tom hesitated and glanced to the audience. Tom then tried to continue only to be interrupted by the baby noises once again. Tom spots the baby, proceeds to do a double take, and shouts "Is that a fucking baby!?" There was a few other lines but tom went back to the material rather quickly.

Same here. I saw his podcast first and hated him. But now that I see his comedy I have a change of feelings. He's hilarious😂

His podcast is way pess fun than his stand up.

Try Andrew Schulz and Rick Gervais too

@@eaglefoxtrot1124 Andrew Schulz is too stupid for me (look at the interview he did with Louis CK, it's painful to watch) and Rick Gervais is excellent only on golden globes, his shows suck.

@@eddydetect6960 Jimmy carr is funny~

@@eddydetect6960 schulz can be low brow but I've also seen him go on some absolutely vicious tirades, I wouldn't write him off completely

Shane Gillis is brilliant.

I absolutely agree, I can listen to his stuff over and over

@BB SHOW COMEDY what

Bill Burr is far more consistent

@@charlespancamo9771 booo he sucks

@@charlespancamo9771 Well idk about "more" but Bill Burr is definitely one of those types of comedians too. Just his manner of speech would make you burst out laughing!

Your just white 💀

😂

go watch ymh podcast bro

keep your jeans high and tight!

You should also checkout his buddy Brent Krystal's, he's got some good stories to

@@adamrushford who fucking cares if it’s true or not it makes people laugh

@@adamrushford nobody goes to comedians for truth ? You mean like George carlin's entire career ?

@@adamrushford yeah, you sound like you could mess up a wet dream....

The "93 years" is part of his Steven Segal bit

@@adamrushford lol have you ever taken like, high school level history even cause we kinda been depending on comedians to spread the truth since the fucking dark ages my guy lmfao. you sound dumb as hell.

Have you seen Josh blue?

@@effu9593 I have, and he's hilarious! 🙂🤣😂

Same...every few months

what????? stop, please

Brilliant? Really?

Couldn't have said it better 💯

My guy all you see is a white tee shirt get up .over so many heads .pure comedy.

So true. I'm certain he helps people's days all over the world. He's awesome!

Same. As Dave says thats why he gets paid the big bucks

Had to check who this Tom guy is due to his "thoughts" on garth Brooks lately, I must say I nowreally miss Sam kinison & mitch hedberg both ends of comedic genius spectrum and not at all figuring is this Tom guy on any level w those 2 dunno why he's popular? Maybe I'm old school???

Netflix has all his specials

I'm right there with ya

Keep em high & tight 😉

Your mom's house is his podcast on youtube

You sum up monolinguals.

his impression of the father was funnier

Omg I love his crying baby impression lol

Exactly :) not at all what an annoying baby sounds like. Yet still funny

@@yasserfathelbab1534 eee, I lob de baby

That's what Tom sounded like as a baby.

I know he's so good. He was a guest on a podcast and I've watched his content ever since

Um.... yeah, not super abundantly wealthy. 12 mil (6 because his wife and he own equal shares) $12 mil is cool, Id take it. But no where near "super abundantly wealthy: - considering most of that is Real Estate and other property items.

YMH?

@@tellurye dude makes stupid money touring these days. On the Are You Garbage podcast with him recently, he admitted to spending $50,000 on a single meal on his birthday this year. I'd say he's probably at least close to having an abundance of wealth at this point lol. Plus his new book is selling a lot too, so he is definitely getting some bucks from that. The man is doing alright.

@@STSGuitar16 I didnt say he wasn't doing alright, just sayin $12 mil is not abundance, compared to others who are making 100 - 300 Mil.

@@tellurye yeah, my point is $12M (I think he's almost certainly got more than that anyway) is what I would qualify as an abundance of money lol. Sure, maybe not when compared to Rogan or Elon, but $12M is more than enough money (aka an abundance) to live an exceedingly comfortable and even flashy life for his whole family. If you don't think that anyone who would drop $50k on one meal doesn't have an abundance of money, then we simply disagree, my friend lol

Tom became one of my favorites, so this is a treat for my morning routine!

@@ViltrumiteIsRite99 ya me too

Gross

Can I ask what brought you to live in Mexico? Just curious

@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 nah i need an explanation to this comment? Wanna elaborate?

No

@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 😂😂😂no what?

They have a podcast. That's as close as you'll get probably.

Stalker alert 📢🚨⚠️

Lol you have to be a bot wtf

He was hilarious at Ball Arena!! Hoping for another special soon

That's not genius.

@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 Knock it off.

Do you mean NETFLIX, the giant company that employs thousands of experienced people who understand how to market visual products and edit videos? Those geniuses at the biggest streaming platform in the world? Yeah. You're a sharp tack. Oh, also Disney makes good movies. I hope I didn't blow your mind with that revelation.

That sounds about right. Definitely a movie style convo.

Excellent writing

Hot sauce is the best.

Hell yeah honestly if I get the chance to see him live I'm jumping on it in a heartbeat

Did you see his show where he’s coming everywhere or the cumming all over tour I can’t remember the title

Not saying you're wrong but stand up always seems funnier when you see it live.

@@jamesprice2163 you're gonna jump him?

Every time?

@@breadoflifefaiupu8992 every *damn* time.

He’s coming to my city soon.. Never been to a comedy show but maybe I’ll get tickets

@@karlcarlsburg9641 you absolutely should. Worth every penny

Same

Read that as "best i ever had" 😂

No exaggeration either. They could die if there's a fire, or any emergency evacuation situation. The movie theater is no place for a baby.

They should make the legal age for theatres be 6 years old but they should only be allowed in G rated movies then 13 (for PG13 movies). Every other movie should be 18 because teenagers RUIN movies, Every time someone annoys me in a movie they’re always a group of teens.

I've never even seen a baby in a theater but probably because ppl are smarter in Vermont

@@sarahoshea9603 someone took their baby to see a saw movie a couple years ago & it started crying at the best part🙄

@@ChelseaJ98 the final credits?

If you like Tim, you'll love this Tom guy

@@loodlebop Who is Tom? I’ve only heard of Tim that pretends to wear one glove

I frikkin love Tim Segundo.

whats the big deal, I see no difference between tim and tom, none

Tom has lost so much weight that the O has become an I.

Explain that bit to me cuz I don't get it 😅