One thing I have a noticed is that each time I speak to a narcissist it is like speaking to someone I have never met. This includes family and friends some of which I have know 30+ years.
There's no shared bond, nothing to build on, no recognizance of past history, even of recent events. No ongoing topics about anything important to you, & if there's any type of ongoing theme, it's them complaining about you to you. They're a black hole void where the light anything good carries with it gets snuffed out on the spot. They have far-reaching tendrils, like Satan's fingernails.
The thing I struggle with the most is dealing with the gaslighting and shaming from everyone who believes in the smear campaign. It sometimes makes me question whether I am actually the problem. I've had to constantly remind myself that these people who easily believe the narcissists are probably narcissistic themselves. It's also really difficult to not fall for the traps and triggers the narcissists set up to make you look angry and crazy. Best thing to do is give no reaction (they want one because they thrive on drama and it supports their smear campaign) but it's a lot easier said than done. I feel like if I don't stand up for myself and call out their bad behavior, it will encourage them to continue. Ultimately, I've learned to stop wasting my time and energy thinking or caring about them. Pretend they don't exist and rise above the haters. Quietly become more successful. In fact, you probably already have something they lack (intelligence, kindness, compassion, attractiveness, etc.), that's why they target you in the first place.
I can tell by what you've said you've been dealing with plenty of narcissists. It's like the ability of a recovering alcoholic to spot the alcoholic behavior in others. What you just said perfectly matches what I've lived through. I'll just add that the purpose of the gaslight ing is to get you to question your own thinking. And also, you're damned right, they see something in you they are jealous of, & you will be punished for it! 😂
I totally agree; the challenge and mortification of other’s judgement all because the narc puts on that victim face and people believe them. I’m getting better at not giving a hoot because I want those people to get closer to the narcs and be the recipient of that same smearing.
It is difficult!! The way I'm seeing the gullible "freinds " is that they're not much of a friend if they don't question the bad things said about you. With friends like that who needs enemies? As said ,the gaslighting is meant to make you think you are crazy. Who else sometimes questions if you are the narcissist? All of us. That is a sign you are not. Said by a npd therapist. We are, or have gone through this process of self evaluation. Keep up the fight,we will get past this and become a better/stronger version of empath. ❤️🩹✌️🙏💪
It is especially difficult this time of year. I think to myself, “how foolish I was for 30 years.” In hind sight, it’s so hurtful to love someone so much and then be trampled on.
Not foolish. Resilient, optimistic, loving. Those same qualities that kept you trying and hoping for change are the same qualities that will help you in your healing process. Pour all of that love you used to pour into the relationship into your own cup. Allow yourself the forgiveness you extended to them to flow to yourself. It's a tough, often lonely process, but you can and will heal. You are not a fool. You are a beautifully loving soul. Never doubt it!
@@lorrainefrasier4096 It's up to every individual how much optimism they need. In my own personal journey, optimism grounded in real action, therapy, self healing, and making connections to others is what helped the most. I honor anyone who doesn't feel that works for them but encourage people to try it on for size. Blessings to you
No self analysis..Exhausting.We try so hard to show love is the way but manipulation and lying and self gratification is the scene... But a horse,dog,cat,bird- whatever... Some are super intelligent but exhausting...To me it's so sad I am too old for the games played now. God help them and all effected...Yes, a spoiled child and many children are more mature.You are correct my friend.Im sick and exhausted from 3 working on me...expecting me to be like a calm mother... Ido not dislike any of them but finally realised I am no help or use... I have a disease( unusual-schleromyxederma and several more).That one takes 10 years off your life...but still I was used...I have cut them off bit by bit...praying they all meet the right friends... Thank you for your positive,useful info..😊
As always, you are so accurate and explain everything with detail. I would also add that they have little to no foresight. It's amazing to watch them in their abusive nature. You can tell they have a significant blind spot and are unable to foresee the risks and implications of their abuse. Dummys!
I was married for 29 years with a narcissist, had 2 daughters. Yes, 'had'. I left the home. The daughters don't want to have any contact anymore with me and I know for sure, that's his last weapon against me. I hope the daughters will awake some day in the upcoming years. I'll wait for them. My door is open, wide open.
I want to tell you that you are so brave and strong!Unfortunately you are not alone with you pain about kids narcissistic used as a weapon against their mothers. I know you pain and I have same hopes for future reunion with my child some days. ❤
I'm still married, I think the stress of it all was more than hubby could handle, not my prob but I really suffered and my 27 yr old daughter is being difficult, I tell myself to keep helping her with kindness but she wants a friend to whine to, nope 🙅🏻, wrong number! She does well and I don't want to hear her complaints, she grew up being called the other woman cuz she and her dad ganged up on me, got away with it as I'm a stay at home mom, I no longer have to put up with it! Xox 🙋🎠
My own experience in dealing with narcissistic (covert) people is 1) they have no long-term thinking/mainly have tunnel vision. 2) if they ever considered you supply - your leaving them will hurt them forever. 3) they never see the relationship as finished, even if you do.
Very true. My ex from 20 years ago (whom I have a son with), still tries to trigger and insult me with silly crap that happened 20 years ago! His tunnel vision won't let him see that there isn't any power in any of those things anymore. I'm not the same person as I was when I knew him, but they're incapable of seeing the natural change & evolution of people over time. They're forever stuck in a rabid dog phase and it's actually kinda sad. Literally nothing he says stirs up any emotion from me anymore. He's just too blind to see it.
Yup my ex dumped me like 3 times before I finally had enough and said I was done being jerked around. Then he had the nerve to text stuff like "why didnt you chase me, why am i the only one trying??" 😭😭 (Sitting outside my apt when I didnt respond to texts) I was like "well lets review, you dumped me 3x, were seeing someone behind my back, id say thats a sign you dont want to be with me anymore" And he literally could not understand this 😂 what a shell these people are!
I found it interesting that when I completely cut off my entire family in 2013, I mean absolutely zero communication; my maternal Grandmother (narcissist) died a few years later and 2 1/2 years ago my Mom (narcissist also) died at the age of 62. A pretty painful death at that. They couldn’t feed off of me anymore and my brother who is the Golden Child was left to deal with it all. I only found out about my Mom’s death a few months ago. I felt relief but I also grieved because I have a heart. I’m 40 years old and have a wonderful life and my own family now. My husband is my saving grace and God led me to him. He invested heavily into my mental health and we’ve been together for 9 years and have a beautiful 14 month old daughter.
I struggle so much listening to your videos. Each and every time you're hitting the nail right on the head. As you reveal things it opens my thoughts to my past and how taken in I was.
I'd say they aren't recognizing their own hypocrisy at expecting a certain behavior in others while they themselves are incapable of doing so. Ex. My narc sis got mad at my father's lack of reflection and him never apologizing for how he wronged her. She also explicitly blamed him for their relationship mostly being over after another dogfight. At the same time, when I actually confronted her about her abuse towards me, she also never apologized or reflected that her behavior is harmful nor did she attempt change. (I am aware said change may never come so watching her calling out her own behavior while erasing her own responsibility is like watching her live in a different reality....)
Hi Danish. I've been watching your videos every day and I absolutely LOVE them. You speak such a precised TRUTH that is so unbelievable to me cause it's everything that I ever suffered the majority of my life. But I thank God so much for people like you who spread TRUTH to liberate others who are still stuck in the narcisstic fog. It's such a painful scary way of living that I wouldn't wish it on anyone. As it could literally drive a person to want to commit suicide. That's how dangerous it could become. I am 52 years old and it's just now that I'm finally being liberated and healed from it by my Beautiful Lord Jesus Christ. I've been a born again Christian for a while and if I did not know Jesus for sure I would of been dead by now from all of the narcisstic abuse that I have suffered all my life. Glory be to my Precious Jesus!! I pray that all who are still stuck in it find a way out through Jesus Christ. I am also grateful that you are no longer stuck in the narcisstic fog that you grew up in (as I cried when I heard your testimony of it in other videos). You are a true survivor. May God Almighty continue to use you to bless others with your words of truth and may you have a Beautiful supernatural encounter with Him if you have not already had one. I hear from Him consistently, and He wants you to know that He loves you very much. God bless you Always. 😁❤🙏🕊🔥🗽🌎
It is like you echoing my story. Glad to hear that you found comfort in The Lord Jesus. For me even I didn't know anything about Narcissism until God revealed to me through other people. Thank God. Knowledge is power. 🙏🙏
If they can't show off their grandiose pathetic personality they crawl into a shell and come alive again when they either at work or within a crawd of people, little do they know though that when surrounded by intelligent men they roll their eyes backwards from the stupidities that come out his mouth, now when it comes to women he becomes so suave and compliments them even a clown and so on and they laugh at his jokes as long as his got full attention without realising his a pathetic comedian.
Narcissists aren't always aware that people who know them talk amongst themselves. If they talk trash about you, they don't realize that it will get back to you. They don't realize that when their actions don't match their words, people eventually notice. I think it's hard for them to understand that people continue existing even when the narcissist isn't with them. They have a baby's notion of the permanence of things, and at some level seem to think that when you aren't with them, you go into a drawer like a pair of socks and are in a state of suspended animation until they are with you again. They don't know that we absorb information about them that is independent of the information they WANT us to absorb. George Eliot said it best in Middlemarch: "Shallow natures dream of an easy sway over the emotions of others, trusting implicitly in their own petty magic to turn the deepest streams, and confident, by pretty gestures and remarks, of making the thing that is not as though it were."
Very true. They loose their career . They are thrown out of each and every job. They do very well in the interview but loose out in performance . They keep on blaming someone or the other.
Oh yes I agree. I am thinking that really they loose a person who loves them.No insight into their problems. They think they are perfect and do no mistakes mistakes
From my own experiences they don't seem aware that others do become aware of their incongruent behaviors like not walking the talk for example They act like they have everybody fooled when in reality others can see through them.
I'm finding this to be the best narcissist channel RU-vid has inflicted upon me so far . it's short and to the point without the extra 20min to 1hour of padding and repetitiveness . RU-vid is also starting to appear narcissistic to me .
This is true of all narcissists. They say the same things. They act a like, they react a like. They all thing they are of superior thought and intelligence. I’ve had to warn people about my mother. I said it is fine to be friends, but NEVER, EVER tell her private or personal information about yourself. She will turn on you and do her best to embarrass you and destroy you. These people then come back week or few weeks later and say… “ you were right, she turned on me and tried to shred me.” They thanked me for the heads up.
Sir, this information is so helpful and answers so many questions. I literally felt like I was losing my mind married to a narcissist for 15 years, and I am free from that demon. ❤ it almost killed me 😭
My boss is a bonofied narcissist, and fits this profile almost perfectly as just described. What I find soul crushing (as an empathetic INFP) is having to basically be a source of supply for him, on the simple fact that he could make day to day life unbearable, and could negatively influence my career if I choose to not be.
Respectfully, no one is that powerful. You choose to stay and allow the abuse. Please consider yourself first. You were not put on this earth to be someone punching bag. I had a boss who thought I was the one, nope, I discarded her out my life and have a better job as well. .
Please listen to the comment above you. People need to stop giving narcs what they want en mass, that's the only way this bs will stop. I also quit and found a WAY better job with WAY better people. My career is just fine, lol. I'm not saying it was easy peasy lemon squeazy, but why wouldn't you be willing to fight for the best outcome for yourself and the defeat of a literal enemy who couldn't care less were you to get hit by a bus??
Make a plan to escape, and don’t share it with anybody (even people who are “on your side”). Invent an excuse for your job switch so you keep a good reference & don’t provoke any retaliation. If your boss is the type who might refrain from hassling you for a few days, laziness & fear of change *WILL* make you think: “I’ll work on my escape plan later. Right now is tolerable, so there is no rush.” You must fight procrastination. Do not contribute to your own abuse. Do not make it easier to abuse you. Also: throughout this transitional time, document any abuses with photos, videos, or recordings. Secret recordings are often inadmissible in court, but you’re not trying to have an official legal trial. The legally inadmissible recordings from your phone (just use voice memo app) should be kept because it really sucks when people don’t believe you, and if your boss is a true clinical NPD he’ll do things that are SO out of line, anyone would find your telling of them hard to believe. You mentioned “damaging your career.” Most people have a job so that we can pay rent, buy food, provide for our families, etc. if you have a pwNPD targeting you-at work-your whole reason for waking up and commuting to your job is bunk, moot, not applicable. Daily exposure to a real clinical NPD’d person: you’ll be notice TONS of hair loss when you shower, your appearance will take a precipitous drop-off, inside of two years you’ll look like you’ve aged 25 or maybe even 30 years. The unrelenting stress and the hypervigilance: without question will cause measurable, objective, real physical health problems. You’ll be so exhausted you’ll find yourself retreating from family & friends, which is extra bad because you extra need them. All the reasons & motivators that incite a person to go out and get a job or career will disappear.
Boy is this the truth. I blocked and ignored mine. Im getting requests, I got monkeys everywhere. I'll be damn if I let him ruin my life ever again. And guess what I discarded first❤
Hello Danish Bashir, The info you give here and in many of your other videos about narcissists is so interesting and very accurate! I only found your channel about a month ago and it has helped me to understand why some people in the world are so crazy and cause so much damage in other people's lives. Especially in the lives of empaths, ABSOLUTELY!! I have a personal experience with an individual I interact with on almost a daily basis. (he is far in his 30s in age and has had a lot of relationships with women that never last long) For 3 years he has been so stressful to deal with everyday, but your videos are making it very clear what kind of desperate, immature and needy person he is, needing CONSTANT validation from others in public, especially young teenagers and people in their 20s. I have left a PM on your FB, and have explained more there. If you can give me your thoughts and some suggestions with this situation I would be happy to hear from you. Have a great day, sir. DH.
I like the way he ended that. "Let the healing begin AND continue." AND CONTINUE folks. Every time I think I have finally learned everything about narcissism I am humbled by discovering something new. I'm on my 16th year of study. It's like a college course that never ends. But the more you learn the more you heal!
People. Let the healing begin. But do not let the fire within you shut off. It will help you to curve out a better, stronger person than before. And most importantly, it will never lead you to do the same mistake ever again. Let the fire of life and true maturity hit you hard. May all of us find our true self in this process.
Narc said once - out of the blue "I have to be the best I have to be the best" I said "are you better than Jesus?" (Needless to say I got no answer from the narc.) He was ready next time though & blithely answered "No." lol Conversation kaput ! (aka stonewalling)
It's funny how they blame everyone else except themselves even if they wet the bed they would blame the blanket 😂 my ex had a big fight with a work colleague because this guy made a suggestion to do something another way they are not open for anyone's suggestions it's got to go their way they are terrible control freaks I know was married to one for 28 years glad I'm on my own now peace and quiet 😊
Yes they will never look at their own attitude and behaviours it's always others and they are the victims ..crocodile fake facial persona what they show the world
They aren't aware that, underneath it all, you think they're a loser in the game of life and have immense pity for them. Not jealousy, not fear, not admiration. Pity.
That's a good insight to deal with more or less these traits but it's exactly the same I would share the moment if she says how you got this number her number should. Be a red flag next follows as you said sir
I have dealt with such persons everybody has abondoned me for being too truth teller 😢 even though they are telling the lies i used to saty alone many times before this narcissistic relation but now every one has abandoned me tell me how can i convince them i am unable to convince every person
My narc got so triggered when some younger guy came to their place of business to see my mum, after he got MAD and when he tried to get me involved I told him to shut up and he was yelling abuse and I just ignored him, the next day he showed up to our house and started demanding money and when we didn’t give it to him he locked himself in the bathroom and called the police and said my mum attacked him with a knife
In the beginning I would watch him in concert he was smiling and playing with the audience that was really me he was mirroring me ❤ my narc is a country singer millionaire and would ask me for money. I would always say no.. the night I blocked and ignored I said a few things first. The next day he's on Bobby bones he looked like hell. They asked him if he uses emojis he always does. He didn't answer and turned it around.
Narcissists often display an obsession with their phones because it aligns with their self-centered tendencies. Smartphones offer a platform for constant self-promotion and validation through social media, text messages, and photos. They seek external admiration and approval, and the digital world provides a convenient means to showcase their idealized self-image. Furthermore, the instant gratification of notifications and likes on their posts can feed their ego and reinforce their sense of importance. Constant phone use also serves as a way to avoid self-reflection or emotional intimacy, allowing them to maintain a superficial, self-focused existence while avoiding deeper connections with others. This behavior reflects their need for constant attention and validation, often at the expense of genuine interpersonal relationships.
It’s 7:37om New Year’s Eve. Planned a beautiful dinner took me over four hours to make. He accused me of spying on him oddly and then smashed the dinner table and meal 😢 he destroyed the meal broken glass everywhere yelled at me to clean it up and now says i should kill myself: I know this isn’t right and must leave I just am in so much agony right at this moment and grief.
The narccistist friend I had was a couple a years ago arrested after he kicked a motorcycle on the ground of a woman he didn,t know , owner of a recordshop asked the woman to park her motorcycle a bit futher away from te store , she was refusing , the narccistist then was thinking he had the right to get aggressive and blamed the woman and Covid lockdown period for his arrest , he spend the night in jail , I was shocked and from that moment I started to take distance from him , now three months no contact , all kind a weird situations happened actually and he never took responsibility for his own behaviour .
@@ninii394 I never met a suitable candidate & failed to realize I had not healed my childhood wounds. I did not have strong enough boundaries & was too forgiving of bad behavior.
So if a narcissist is placed in solitary confinement - will the false self die? What about a 10 day vipassana retreat? How would a narcissist handle such a situation and could it cure them?
Has anyone else experienced multiple times when a covert naracist regularly walks away from them. You are out shopping and you turn around and they have disappeared. Walked out while at the cinema or when on an evening out the mask slips and they abandon you.
Am i a narc i have all these thoughts but with the world competing so much,,people work ,work,work,,,taking times for introspection,self awareness,am i self fish,,i am reflecting on my sins right now ,,still on hermit mode
I think about her actions,and her "wants". Stupid! She dumps everything for a little sympathy from fake friends. Also has them scratching there heads as they think things don't add up. Eventually everyone will know and she'll be alone.😢
Why the narcissistic family never tired of mind game, why they never wants to solve any matter peacefully.if they do they will definitely Live their dreams life with their love one.
They don’t see things, the way normal people do. They enjoy causing pain , to a person they claim to love. They feed off of your pain. They are unable to change , so the only thing we can do is to get away from these people.
I think the older wons that have a mini trailer 30 ft ya you go crazy .. I had exposed mass sympathy but they use it to move hunt . Um it peals away though over time ... To me it reflectslack of responsibility.. I did single wide we worked I almost killed him backed into trailer Lucille ball . No way no date in mini. Large personality needs room to move ... So money meat time is truley him he's not messing around .. niceness in getting beguiling crossfire's . Always care about his show love him when he's not ridiculing someones body or something hurtful I wish him well.
