3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce | George Blair-West 

If you are new to a marriage, please understand that you will struggle in the beginning. You both need time. Time to just live out issues together and try working them out in different ways. Being new to this, you may not know how he/she will react to certain things.. Please do not give up!

Three factors: 1. Sincere love 2. Genuine respect 3. Open communication Everything else follows.

Summary of video: 1. Marry later in life (higher education, higher income, brain changes till 25 years, personality at 30 correlates to personality at 50) 2. Share power over decisions (men who can be influenced are 'better', women tend to be more influence-able) 3. Have a reliable partner (someone who does what they say they are going to do, someone who steps up to help you feel cared for and protected)

Me and my wife have been together for 18 years and just got back together three days ago after being separated for 6 months. Divorce was on the docket but we are doing our best to keep this from happening. Things are definitely looking up but it's still very challenging but it seems to get better every day. We have three children, 2 boys with autism (17 & 3) and our baby girl with Down Syndrome. Our daughter with Down Syndrome had two open heart surgeries fairly recently at 5 months old, then a pacemaker installed. She also has Hirschsprung's disease which led to her having a colostomy bag installed at five days old. She has several more surgeries to go. If I can say this to anyone, I would tell you do what you need to do to make it work. Sometimes you need to suck it up. You can't be fickle. Fight for your family. People say you shouldn't stay together for your children, well that's fine. But if you still love each other as well as your children and are split due to circumstances or tragedies that have put you in a state of constant depression, stress, about everything you can imagine in this situation like this, then you must come together and not give up. You must keep moving forward and keep on fighting. Many other people have it a lot easier or a lot worse than me/us but I've certainly come out of the other side a lot more knowledgeable and appreciative of my wife and all the things our family is capable of when we are a team instead of constantly at odds and bickering. We are learning to get along again and not take our stress out on each other and our kids get to enjoy both of their parents as well. This is what it's all about. For all of you going through tough times out there, keep your chin up and like I said, don't stop fighting, don't lose hope, never lose hope. If you truly care about the other person you're married to, you can't lose hope and you need to keep fighting. If you don't, then it's time to pack it up and move on. But if you love her or him, keep fighting, HARD! A little patience and understanding and reassurance to your spouse goes a long ways. GOOD LUCK TO YOU ALL! 💪👊

getting married is something that you can always go for it ,but staying as a couple is an art.

Marriage is about 1) commitment and doing all duties 2) discipline 3) social intelligence to know how to talk and behave in different situations 4) patience

What a great talk! "When you realize you want to spend the rest of your life with somebody, you want the rest of your life to start as soon as possible. “True love is not a hide and seek game, True love both partners seek each other”

A good, strong marriage is the absolute best thing in the world. The problem is the world is currently doing everything it can to make it impossible.

Having a partner that supports you on your journey to success can have a big influence! I found this very valuable! ❤

I am a 39 year old male and I found happiness with my wife who is 40 years old 10 years ago. We met when i was completing my PhD and she was a graduate student. She divorced an incompetent man wherein made her miserable. We are so compatible and I thank God for her. She is everything, I mean everything i ever wanted in a woman. I do my best for her. Well, what i am trying to say it's all about trust. We even share online accounts, everything is transparency within us. I think it's where it all starts. Respect and transparency.

Often ignored piece of advice: Don't be emotionally dependent on your partner and/or don't be in a relationship with someone who is emotionally dependent on you. I don't mean emotionally attached; that's different (and positive). I mean thought processes along the lines of 'My partner is the reason I'm not in a state of depression or suicidal thoughts' or 'I'm not a productive member of society without my partner'.

Great talk, especially if you're not married yet. It really puts all the insecurities you develop while thinking about marriage into words

The subject is important not only to those looking to get married, but also to really anyone looking for a relationship. You both have to treat each other well if you want it to be lasting and meaningful, that’s the bottom line really.

best way to build a happy marriage is to bake together. baking is the secret. trust me. bake breads that require lots of kneading and processes. try variations of french baguettes.

I honestly don't agree about your mind not changing after 25. When I was 25, I thought I was immortal and i thought I knew everything . Now I'm 30, and realized I don't know much of anything and am still learning.

God is the reason why I'm still married. My wife and I struggled a lot in our first 3 years of marriage. We hated each other and weren't happy. However, every time I thought about divorce, I feared breaking God's heart and his commandment. I was willing to be unhappy in marriage yet pleased to obey God. Fast forward to today, my wife and I are still married at 14 years and host marriage classes at our church. Our marriage is a blessing and we truly are happy now...it all started with God though.

Probably one of the most thoughtful comment sections I’ve seen on youtube. Cheers to the informed, analytical and skeptical - millennials or otherwise!

You forgot two terribly significant things. One is that you barely touched at all on the importance of sacrifice and giving. The other is that two people who marry young, in other words make commitments of the utmost importance to each other at a very young age, have the opportunity to grow and learn and develop TOGETHER. What a beautiful thing oh, what a beautiful opportunity, and how sad when people wait till later in life to get married when they're hard and relatively inflexible and so much more set in their ways. Is that the time to learn to be generous and giving and willing to sacrifice of oneself, or is it better to learn/develop those attributes When we are young and--as you pointed out--still learning and growing? I believe the latter.

My biggest advice would be - don’t even consider getting married before you got your life figured out and is doing what you love and get paid for it. Some might say “most people never get their life figured out.” Or “most people don’t make their dreams come true.” Well, don’t get married ever than. That might be the best thing in this case. Realize this - nobody should ever push you to do anything in your life. When you wake up in the morning - it’s your own self and the life you’ve built for yourself is what you should grow to love or be forever miserable because of. So be focused on mission, trying to make lives better and grow as a human being. Then, only then if you really really want this - go and get married.

"Youre with her because you respect her. Make sure that plays out in the decision making process" Really stuck with me.

This is probably the most accurate and powerful message that I would deliver to all of the young people who so hurry to get married and have babies. I agree with the speaker, these two are the most important decisions we make in life and need to be approached with careful consideration and thought.

"The first thing you wanna get before you get married is older"... this is gold. In African communities you are shamed if as a female, you are passed 27 and are not married yet. God forbid you reach 30 and you are still single, then everybody thinks something is wrong with you. Your family starts putting pressure on you and that's how many end up just marrying the first guy who proposes and looks like he has a little bit of money. I'll let you guess how things will go down the line. And as if that wasn't enough, you are considered a failure if you get divorced. Then women just get stuck in these dysfunctional marriages where they are abused just to keep up appearances and save face.

A perfect marriage isn’t a textbook ideal that all couples should strive for. Instead, your idea of a perfect marriage depends on your own needs, ideals, and relationship. I believe, there are a few elements that help a marriage to be harmonious and stand a better chance at being as near to perfect as possible: - Great Communicators - Slow to Anger, Quick to Forgive - Don’t Go to Bed Angry

Easy! Don’t cheat , don’t lie , keep responsibilities 50/50. Do those things and you’ll both never have an issue ! Works for me and my wife after 16 years , and we are still happy!

After five years of marriage i found out the one thing that makes marriage difficult is financial struggle, its not like my husband and i aren’t making money it’s just we barely have time for each other and there’s no amusement or new event it’s just work and the kids and that was fine but i wanted more..then i heard of a financial advisor on the radio who basically makes money for me and right now i have close to 100grand with her in my portfolio. now we pay for our vacation without breaking a sweat or losing sleep

"We must remember that because a man and a woman have a marriage certificate and living in a home, it does not follow that that is a real home. Perhaps it is a place of discord and hate. When a child is present and the parents do not know the law of life, it is better to break up such a union than have the mood of hate stifle the mind of the child. Many times a child's life and mind are dwarfed by the mood of the parents which result in neurosis, crime, etc. It is far better for a boy to live with one parent who loves him then to live with two who hate each other and fight all the time. The question frequently arises, "should I get a divorce?" This is an individual problem. It cannot be generalized. In some cases divorce is not the solution anymore than marriage is the solution for a lonely man. Divorce might be right for one person and wrong for another. A divorced woman may be far more noble and Godlike than many of her sisters who are living a lie rather than face the truth. In many instances marriage is a sham and a farce. The usual excuses and Alibis to cover up or that it would be bad for John's business, or the neighbors might talk, or it is bad politics, etc. This of course is making a mockery of marriage." - Joseph Murphy

*Marriage is like a rollercoaster, strap yourself in & hang on for the ride of a lifetime. You'll experience lots of twists & turns... ups & downs & @ times you'll swear your life was just turned upside down. Once things settle down & your feet are back on the ground, you'll say "wow what a thrill"...let's do that again!*

Moral of the story is "Prevention is better than the Cure."💕

Keep sweetness flowing always and learn to compromise whenever misunderstanding arises. Never end the day with unresolved issues. Keep love flowing and intimacy must always present wherever.

Get older before you get married Be Influenceable Be Reliable - have your partner's back ...This really needs to be in the description. It doesn't steal the thunder, it makes the points easier to remember later.

I’m 19 now and Whenever I go to someones wedding in my family, it makes me feel skeptical when someone from my family tells me, one day you will find someone to marry and I would say that’s if I find someone to marry, it easier said then done. Most of the girls during my time in school love being with men my age who have good looks, good cars, good money, and good houses to take care of their women. Most of the women I mentioned before ignore good mens blessings and good qualities they offer. I don’t know if there’s a woman who would love to be with a man like me who has nothing.

best way to build a happy marriage, is to marry your purpose. it will never divorce you

I wish there was more applause for his statements. Particularly @ 8:10

Exercise and don't turn into a whale

I agree with you 100%. I learned from my past. Now I always strive to be the best version of myself. Thank you so much!!!

I preached this in my 20s....and my peers scoffed. Thought I was being shallow and judgmental with potential partners. I’m glad my thinking is validated. It’s so hard finding someone good. I’m hoping this will change in my 30s.

Its really dumb to get married in my opinion. Numbers never lie. Look at divorce rate and tell me if you are dumb enough to do it

1) trust 2) loyalty 3) respect

1.older 2.respect 3.reliability

Interesting information to know ; preparing ahead of time is so paramount.

In Russia, where I'm from, single women aged 25+ get questions like "What, are you still single?" from relatives and parents' friends so often it's infuriating - and it really does begin to get on one's nerves, even if you know that you did good not getting married to the men you used to date. Finally, thanks to this talk, I can stop being bullied into thinking single at 36 is not ok. Thank you George Blair and TED!

*One day we will be dead. But today I’ll give it my best not to blame, complain, drain. Today I’ll give my best not to regret or forget. @*

Thank you.

I Really Liked Hits way to Talk and how he approached the topic. Nice Video. It Catched me.

I don't believe that divorce avoidance should be the top priority here, but one's happiness. If you've put in a large amount of effort into making things work and it doesn't seem the relationship can be salvaged, it's okay to let it go. Probably better for everyone's emotional and mental health too.

Never get married. Yeah no, I cannot share. I hate sharing, and I get pissed when I can't control. I have no interest in caring for someone else. I guess in general is because, I hate people, I'm disappointed by humans. I can't trust them, I have no interest in people, I don't like talking or interacting with people. See, i only want someone around here and there.

One of the best ted talks! Dr. George Blair-West is my favourite

The relationship is over when there is contempt!

I think successful marriage depend on ( positive communication) Mainly Which means (Good listening , speaking) And it is the opposite of not caring how the other person feel or wants , abusing, shutting down others, making orders, not being corporative etc.) Happy Marriage is a positive teamwork

In our 20s, we go through the toughest times of our life. We need to find people in these times. Yes the relationship may last longer after 30s because you both earn high and you dont have problems to deal with and probably because you both have independent life by then and the bond will never be as deep as the people who fall in love in their 20s. To summarize, IMO, relationship in 20s is very deep because they go through hardship together but after 30s, the relationship is not that deep. And yes respect is more important than love in ANY RELATIONSHIP.

Always take care for each other.

The knowing that if a wife was abused by her husband... would she be afraid to report him to the police for fear of retaliation or him going to jail, and she might end up homeless as he could no longer work and pay mortage... When you're dependent on someone, you have few options. Abusers knows this is why they continue to abuse.

3 ways to build a happy marriage and avoid divorce: 1. Get older before you get married 2. Be influence-able 3. Reliability - have your partner's back

wow...the last part of his speech 👏

Sooo true! I was blessed in this regard.

i like the way he 's explained..

What a toxic comment section. This isn't about political ideologies, this is about learning to make a marriage work. That's on both people, if it's gotten to the point where one person holds everything above the others head, including divorce, whether or not you're married, you've gotten into a toxic relationship. Everyone loses something in a marriage, men lose some stability, women lose some stability. It's about learning to lean on each other and learn to trust another person. Yall need to get off your political high horses and learn to think critically.

I love this, couldn’t have came at a better time.

blessed content. favorited and saved for multiple later consumption

Bless this man

The best solution is to avoid marriage in the first place. Especially as a man.

Another alogrithm fail. Im not interested in marriage currently. Im single. Im only into feminine women. Im a targeted individual, and the attempts of putting havoc into my life presents problems in my dating life. I need to be selfish when theres a concerted effort in attempting to ruin my life. Im Independent not on any political plantations.

I dont know why anyone even tries to have a relationship... I gave up on having one years ago and it is amazing! I guess it is not for everyone, I have always been very introverted so I am totally fine without a man... But most women I know all want a man, yet they never seem happy when they are in a relationship... I never met a truly happy couple where both partners were really happy together, one or both of them usually are pretending for some reason (like kids)... I think everyone should learn to be happy and content on their own...

Wonderful, educational!

The ultimate 100% success rate 'life-hack' to prevent divorce - don't get married! Satisfaction guaranteed or your money back 🤣

sound good, but why do i need to get married?

It is so important to understand the fundamentals of marriage. I started dating my husband when we were 14 years old and have been together ever since. We now have one beautiful baby girl. I made a video of our marriage secret sauce too :)

I like how he mentioned influential men tend to become good fathers as an argument for getting married late. Totally forgets to mention how the older you get after the age of 28, give or take, the harder it is to have children and a family.

Right on the money. I hear this all the time. Anyone getting married before 25, getting an education, and getting the job you want typically fail within 3 to 10 years. Always a small percentage that actually lasts til old age.

A huge request to the authors of the channel, please turn on the Russian subtitles. There is no place for sanctions in scientific works! Thank!

Distressing events needs to be updated to include catastrophic world events, pandemics, addiction, disability …

Please do not stay in a marriage, where you are being disrespected physically or mentally, for that is not love. Do not mistake LUST for LOVE. Love is kind, and it does not hurt. Please quietly leave, before the evil demon kill you and your family and friends. A word to the wise is sufficient.

THE SECRET IS TO HAVE SEPARATE TVs!

I approve everything, that my house ingests/use.

very true and indeed good information

Unfortunately I have trust issues very strong. I grew up like that and no one helped me for so many years. Until I got in a relationship I noticed how how mess I was. It's never been easy, probably I would never learn to trust a man in my life.

Where is death of a child on the list?

*praises millennials* Go on...

What works for me and the spouse is we both have our own careers and paying bills isn't really a problem. We live in one of the biggest cities in the US so it hasn't been an issue for us both to find upward career mobility. It seems like all our friends are dual career couples (mostly engineers married to engineers) and there's been 0 divorces, were all in our early to mid 30s. There's so much less stress in life when you're not worried about how to pay bills and both partners feel like they have freedom to pursue their own passions.

Please try to add subtitles for better understanding..

Lifelong happy marriage is a worthy goal!

The best advice: "Don't marry" - Al Bundy

I agree with this man 💯

Learned a lot from this channel, thanks for your sharing

Relationship is over when there is contempt!

If you're watching this, then it's already too late

Amazing and soo true every word 😍👏 I’m happy 1 year married and we expecting our baby 🙏😇

Why are some men opposed to being providers to their wife? Because they don't actually love their wives. When you love a person you want to take care of them , and help them to grow. If they need some help you try to provide it. While it's good for women to have jobs and contribute to the household, women generally take care of 80% of childcare responsibilities and the majority of household administrative issues, as well as the care of the ill, and many of the household chores. So a woman is generally already providing for her husband it's only right he reciprocate.

All marriages i know are miserable beyond belief, yet everyone pretends to be fine. Its confusing.

because marriage, divorce is a big capitalist chain! you got your wedding planners, officiators, divorce lawyers, deeds lawyers....etc....money. The only sad people are the ones in a sad marriage, the rest are laughing their way to the bank, that's why we don't see people discourage divorce or marriage.

Strange that what should matter the most in people´s lives seems to be underpriotized, sometimes they don´t even seem to care at all.

So informative

The best way to avoid an unhappy marriage is to get an education and make lots of money. Then you are in a milieu that rarely divorces since most marriage arguments in couples heading for divorce are about money.

Here for the tips! Love TED ❤️

I discovered your video on Secret fixer blueprint - there's many good videos there that may help out

Thank you for this encouraging word. I feel much better now. I'm 45 and preparing myself to the best wife ever

I'd marry my hand

Say yes to EVERYTHING

when will you add Russian subtitles?

Romans 13:8: Owe no one anything, except to love each other, for the one who loves another has fulfilled the law.