4 Things Superhero Movies Don’t Have the Balls to Do 

"It seems like the universe is content only to spare us from the tragedies we really _want_ to see" is seriously a fantastic line. Whoever wrote that deserves a raise.

Most of these come from the fact that super hero movies always reboot and constantly just stick to the origin story, the most boring kind of super hero movie. Happy Life - Tragedy - Training - Doing Super Stuff - Shit Goes Down - Hero Wins. I just summed up 80% of super hero movies, that a baby could even write.

"We've got this one character who's a wizard, named Dr. Strange." "Sure." "And then there's this villain, Dr. Doom..." "Don't be ridiculous."

You forgot that they never wanna show batmans detective work and only show him punching things even thought he's one of the smartest detectives in comics and he's tons of comic books even titled detective comics to go off of

6 Spider-Man movies still no Carnage

There was a movie where peter parker danced in a nightclub

Spider-Man(film) idea: they need to make Peter Parker a teacher and use very minimal flashbacks to nod to his origins

the problem with dooms mystical backstory is the tibetan angle. Marvel films get a third of their profits from showing in china. China aggressively denounces any mention of Tibet in media or entertainment. This is why Doctor Strange's mentor was changed to a celtic woman instead of a tibetan mystic. By using Doom's classic backstory they would risk having it banned outrught in china and a significant portion of their profits. fyi this is also why a lot of films that bomb domestically still secure sequels, because they soar in china and other markets.

Another reason why Fox keeps altering Doom is because of the comic book Doom's slight resemblance to Darth Vader. To me, that is a bs point since Doom predated Vader by 15 years and Disney now owns both characters.

To be fair, Doctor Doom isn't really a doctor in the comics either. He was expelled from college before he could receive his doctorate. He Just called himself Doctor Doom because it made him feel important.

They don't have the balls to make something other than an origin story.

This was surprisingly good. Wasn't expecting that. Talked about things that would annoy actual fans of the comics, rather than things that would annoy people who would neither read the comics nor watch the movies anyway.

My parents argued with me for hours about how Batman had parents. They didn't know they were killed... Oh, also the Chief of police of my town had never heard of Batman, so I had to explain to him the last 75 years of American history.

The movies are also afraid to use magic. Dr. Doom was a powerful wizard in addition to being a genius and dictator. Asgard's magic was offhandedly explained away as super technology at one point. Even most of the mutant powers are supposed to be somehow science-based when just plain genetics can't explain most of what they do. They are supposed to be coming out with a Doctor Strange movie so maybe that will change. Just strange that magic was so prominent in the comics but it is avoided like the plague in the movies.

Why won't Hollywood give Wolverine his mask? It's one of the most iconic masks in all of comics history and absolutely defines the character, but noooo.

so the better title for this video is "4 things Hollywood execs don't have the balls to do...."

Two things. 1. It's Spider-Man. There's a hyphen in the name. *Snort* 2. Seriously though, this has to be the first time someone other than myself has pointed out how unnecessary retelling Spidey's origin is. It's been over half a century and everyone knows about how the web slinger came to be. I'm sick and tired of having to see the dude always be set in high school. Every major incarnation has Peter playing the same school blues time and time again. Can we please just let the man grow up and have adventures outside of academia for a change?

I thought this video was going to be about how superhero movies never kill off main characters.

The Doctor Doom thing annoys me so much, and for some reason they can't make an X-men movie without magneto and mystique.

I'm confused - why was that guy wearing the hood with the pointy ears?

Hopefully will get to see the Thomas Wayne Batman if they do Flashpoint!

Actually, when the portal to hell failed, it was only a minor scratch, but he was so intent on being perfect, that he thought it made him hideous. But later, when he was putting his mask on, he was to excited, and put it on before it cooled. The burns from this actually disfigured his face, permanently this time.

The country that Dr Doom rules over was hinted in the first original Fantastic 4 movie, after his defeat, he was being shipped in a box in a cargo ship that had the country's name on it, meaning he was being taken there and maybe in the future, he would learn from that country, then conquer and rule that country in future films or tv shows, until Fox fucked it all up with the reboot Fant4stic

It couldn't play in China if it mentioned Tibet, particularly Tibet as a source of supernatural power.

The main problem is that they are all just simple popcorn entertainment that seem to follow more or less the same formula. They never dare to go in depth about what it would be like to be a superhero, to really show the burdens. They seem to prefer giving them other burdens like weird misunderstandings and the struggle with the secret identity. It gets old. I'd like to see them do something more similar to Watchmen more often. Where the heroes have flaws, can die and where superpowers can make them feel out of touch with humanity.

How about Having a whole story about a female superhero who wears a somewhat modest outfit 😒

Tom Holland's Spider-Man is 15 years old. So that's a freshman or sophomore. He's most likely going be in high school for a while.🎓🎓🎓

Dr doom is my favorite villain, he gets shit for movies.

Batman is a vigilante furry who fights clowns and bad-guy furries.

You'll never see Bruce Wayne the moment before he puts on his mask, when he's got all that black makeup around his eyes. Probably looks similar to Ledger's Joker.

Well, they've done an excellent job of keeping Jesus in a manger for two thousand years, so I guess Spidey will just have to endure high school for a little longer.

marvel and dc studios need to watch this video everytime they make a movie

they should focus on the side kicks sometimes like do a teen Titans movie

China hates Tibet. China has lots of money and people who watch movies. America likes money. The end.

Doom needs his own movie because his origen is far more complex than his nemesis

if they make a film of flash point paradox and cast jeffrey dean morgan as the batman who used guns my mind would be blown

Last time i came this early my girlfriend left me.

so I'm taking a dump and everybody thinks Im watching porn because of the music...

To be fair, with Batman the death of his parents isn't just for the people watching- it's an intrinsic part of his character, and he himself re-lives that day as well- I feel like sometimes the 'origin story' scenes in the Batman movies are too long, but rarely do I think they're out of place. They're used to push the pathos of the character moreso than as introductions to him (except in Batman Begins, but, well, biography.)- unlike Peter being in highschool.

I like how BvS had the origin in the opening credots

If the superhero has already had a movie with an origin story in it then it doesn't need to be done again. It makes sense if the hero has never had a movie at all and people are not familiar with them.

It was fun at first, but now I'm getting kind of tired of how it looks like they're using the same color pallet for everyone. It's like the only take away from the first Hulk movie was AVOID BRIGHT COLORS! That's not why that movie failed, guys.

I kind of like the twist in the 1989 film Joker created Batman and Batman created Joker perfect

The people that decide to follow Cracked for their comic book lore are the same people I'm worried about making those movies....

Great video.. You should have also mentioned about x-men. Tired of seeing Charles and Erik fight and make up in every movie ever made. Why can't they show some new mutants? Some new stories? Old man Logan looks a bit different, I hope it will be good.

6:32 Is Batman's dad The Comedian??! lol

To be fair they did indeed finally use a 3rd Superman villian... And they made him a clone of Lex and Zod.

well in spider-man's case, in his first movie he wasin school for a few minutes, in Webb's movies, he was in one movie and then in the beginning of the second film he graduates and yes 616 spider-man was in high school for 28 issues but in the new MCU spider-man franchise will be more inspired on the ultimate comics where spider-man is only 15 years old and takes more time being a teenager living a half time superhero life

Doctor Doom would be an amazing movie, since he literally has been told by divine forces that the world would be better if he were ruling over it.

Now I want to see Sam Beckett leap into Batman in an episode of Quantum Leap.

have you heard of the theory that Batman Forever or whatever one with Clooney in it is supposed to be a Batman movie in the batman universe? like Keaton is batman chilling in Gotham and producers decided to make their own version of him into a film, so they do and that's why they have so much star power in it. because it's supposed to be like a movie about a movie about a comic book character based off the the character Ice T plays in Law and Order...TIME PARADOX!!! Just kidding bout that last part though.

Mads Mikkelsen = Perfect Doom.

Doom didn't really blow his face off. His horrible dis-figuration is actually just a scratch, but he's so vain he sees a monster when he looks at himself in the mirror.

I'm not an avid superhero fan, but I do know of Dr.Doom and the Fantastic Four. However, when watching the movie, I had no fucking clue that was Dr.Doom. Seriously, he turned into Robocop.

did anyone notice he kepped looking to the left

Ok, video gets a thumbs up, cause you're a Doctor Doom fan. Only problems: 1. No link to your blog; wanted to hear the rest of your comments on Doom 2. In actuality, Doom never received his doctorate, he was expelled for his irresponsible experiments. I wish they would sell the rights to Doom back to Marvel, the Marvel movie universe could recast Doom as a dictator/warlord in a nation that borders Wakanda for the upcoming Black Panther movie. It would be an interesting twist on the character, and put Doom in the cross-hairs of the Avenges again. Plus, it's a way to have Doom available for the Infinity Gauntlet.

Please, PLEASE tell me that Bat's dad most recent actor was NEEEEEEGAAAAN

I know what would help both universes with money.... CROSSOVER BATTLE. That would be the #1 box office movie of all time.

I hear too many complaints about the batman backstory. However, these same people dont seem to realize how insanely important those deaths are. Batman's parents are the most important part of his development as a character. Everything he does revolves around his parents' death. EVERYTHING

I agree. I want a live action batman movie of the court of owls or red hood. Or for the love a god an actual good version of bringing in his protégés.

Spider-Man. Seriously, why does everybody always forget the hyphen?

Live action version of either the Killing Joke or the man who laughs

Metallo and Lex Luthor would be awesome villains for a superman movie, well Lex Luthor has been one...just nobody's found a good Lex Luthor *cough* cough* Jesse eisenberg.

I saw in another video that they won't show Dr. Strange's master as a Tibet monk because China won't release the movie since they'll consider it propaganda for mentioning Tibet, and the studio will lose a ton of money (China has a LOT of people). I'm guessing Doom's past in Tibet is scrubbed off for the same reason. Edit: fixed "release".

Nick Cage as superman? That would have been terrible.

A reference to Quantum Leap - that never happens!

Since marvel wants Spiderman to appeal to kids, maybe they could make him graduate school early (cuz he is a genius) and remain the same age.

Awesome you made so much sense about time somebody posted a video just like this

I thought it would be more general like using new movie plots.

*Spider-Man Kidding. This videro was great! Criticism *with solutions* rather than just bitching.

Ok, this is one of a few videos I saw in sequence, and I'm suddenly subscribed to Cracked.

Amazing video. Thank you and well done.

Quantum Leap reference? Take my like

What episode of Quantum Leap does Sam leap into Bruce Wayne. I bet that's the best episode ever.

Cracked: we're technically correct, but we'll annoy you because we're nitpicking half truths from a very specific, narrow angle.

I agree with the batman thing, although in the batman v superman there wasn't much on the back story so it wasn't too bad. But they really need to stop with the back story, or do a different one, like being angry at joker for Jason Todd.

And that is why nobody takes Kevin Smith seriously. Would have been a great movie though.

Those Fantastic 4 movies all suck. Good job, you're the first one to point that out. Peter Parker being the teenage super hero is what sets him apart from all the other Avengers, and putting him back where he started his career makes a lot of sense for many reasons. 1. The part he plays in the dynamic of The Avengers themselves, he's the young, spunky kid who is just there because he wants to do whats right, and he hero-worships all the grown ups who have become too big and serious for their own good. Post-college Peter Parker would just be another grown up in a super suit. 2. It gives him more room to grow in a GOOD series. The Sam Raimi series obviously had no intention of putting Spiderman into the Avengers, so they didn't care if he was a grown up, they just wanted to focus on Peter Parker has problems dealing with life, and is also trying to be a super hero. That was faithful to the character. In the Garfield reboot he has no problems whatsoever, he is just a dickhead teenager who happens to be a super hero. Now he'll be a teenage super hero that can finally grow and develop into his adulthood and give us many more solo and team-up movies featuring the character AND the actor who is playing him now. Marvel hated Andrew Garfield (for good reason) so they wanted to do something better. As for "its been so long since he was in school", well are you not familiar with the Ultimate Spiderman comics? Which most of the movies have been based on? He was in school throughout that entire fucking series. Just like when I say watch the movies, read the goddamn books. Or google it, as you love to lecture people about so much. Superman sucks, but rejoice, because now we're getting him fighting Batman, Lex, Bizarro, Doomsday, and Darkseid will apparently be showing up for no reason. Whoopie. The whole purpose of Batman being Batman is because he's obsessed with the deaths of his parents. Of course they're gonna show it in flashbacks. He's tormented endlessly by this thing that traumatized him and drove him insane to the point of wearing a fucking costume. If you have Batman in a movie that examines ANYTHING about the character, they're gonna show it. Batman v Superman is going to be a terrible movie because of the Superman element, so I don't care how much Batman stuff they repeat, as long as its taking screen time away from the Man of Steel leftovers and pointless Wonder Woman inclusions featuring a model who can't stop doing "sexy mouth partially open face".

haha "that is the most loony toons thing ever" i lost my shit

Why is the Flash a kid? In the 1960's comics he was already a man, an adult, employed as a POLICE SCIENTIST who had an accident in his lab, exposing him to a chemical mixture that gave him super speed. Doesn't anyone else remember that?

You, uh...you got something on your lip there...

well theres a reason that spiderman stays in school along with every other thing and that is its made for kids and for some reason they think only kids read comic's and forget its grown men who make them

Thank you for addressing my favourite pet peeves!!! Especially Superman. Same stories over 40 plus years in movies!!!

You forgot that super hero’s don’t have the balls to strike them down Zeus.

Spiderman, Batman, and especially Superman no longer need a back story ever! Dead parents we get it! Lets move on!

Spider Man is most interesting in high school as Spider Man was the first super hero to be a high school student and so it was his most defining attribute and what made him most interesting. He's the "non adult" super hero.

I think one reason film companies don't like Spider-Man out of school is because the main audience consists of children and teenagers who are still in school, which makes Peter Parker more relatable to them. I think a film starting off with Parker leaving school/college would be great because then we skip the backstory and get right into a funny plot! And I think a Spiderman/Deadpool crossover would be an interesting concept for a film as we get more wit, more publicity for Deadpool, and a funny Spideypool subtext XD

Dr. Doom has always been my favorite.. I didn't mind him too much in the first two Fantastic Fours

LOL the new batman is the son of the batman from The Walking Dead.

Ok, BUUUUUUUUUUT......... The origin story was the best part of bvs. It was so visually satisfying

I'd like to see this for once: Film starting with a scene in a home-library with an open fire place, morgan freeman sits in a big chair and is orientated slightly to the right reading a book. Camera zooms slowly in while hearing the fire crack. Morgan freeman says in a calm nice freeman explaining voice: "in this superhero movie we won't explain the origin of the hero. If you still don't know it, get the fuck out of this movie." And then the camera zooms out and the film starts.

U deserve 2M views.. thoroughly entertained

Ah the Tibet problem, can't alienate China.

A college student Spidey makes more sense than a high school student. And let's be honest, Superman doesn't have a good rogues gallery, apart from Lex Luthor, Brainiac, Zod and Doomsday.

If I remember correctly, Doom was a pretty boy and room mate with Richards during college of university...an accident involving an explosion gave Doom a minor scar on his perfect face and he freaked out so much about the blemish that he had an iron mask welded onto his face (causing even more scaring of his face)

The explosion didn't disfigure Dr. Doom. It scratched his face. He was so vain he treated it as a terrible disfigurement, and so he had the mask made. He put the mask on before it cooled (because he was so ashamed of his "disfigurement") and that screwed up his face. He then built the rest of the armor and enchanted it.

Quantum Leap. Batman. Crossover. Now.

They will also never let any of the marvel characters die. I haven't read any of the Civil War comics, but my friend Jayne has and she said the Capsicle (Captain America) was supposed to die. Is that true? Does Captain America die in the comics?

This is well done, thanks.

I knew all these facts besides the Dr.Doom shield. But good video. I'm subscribing