Thanks Richie I adore all your insightful sharing. I do think retaliation of any kind lowers one to the Narc's level. Addressing the childhood wound is the 1st step... Your ex is an exhalation.... 💞
I have almost turned into a psycho trying to get him to admit his mistreatment of me, he stands to lose everything but will not budge! Lord help me, I miss the old innocent me, I am so done and so tired!
It's fruitless Ami. They never admit they're wrong with any genuineness behind it; if they do, it's because they have an agenda for doing so. If you're done and so tired, what's keeping you there?
Ami Brooksbank I’m sorry sweetheart 💗... you are still who you are, just with scars... but there are ways to soften and live well with the scars... 🙏🏽💗turn them to badges of honor, wear them as reminders of what you overcame 💕
Ami no accountability is what made me take the final (tough) decision to leave my narc mother.. It's a huge sign that she is narcopath and that I deserve better treatment in life.. If you 're in everyday contact with him right now, it's hard to see it, but the best you should do is cut your losses and move on, past and beyond him towards a constantly improving life, which is too short btw to be wasted in someone who avoids real talk or responsibility for hurting you...
“They demand you share their delusion”. That sums up my experience. If something reflects badly on him, it is to be ignored or blamed on others. If you don’t play along, the ugliness that’s spills out is disturbing.
they often act like they invented lying. That is that they are in controll of reality. Even when the lie is not creativ or sofisticated. It`s realy crazy. They depend on the " frawn" effect, that is that you on a subconsious level submit to their " frame".
Yes. Don’t ask questions. You will be punished. Operant conditioning until you comply. They want you to obey. To acquiesce. It’s their show, do not deviate from the script. They’ll decide when the movie ends.
A narcissist's play book 1. Lie to make u trust and love. Appear to be human. 2. Systematically destroy your confidence, relationships with family and friends, and punish u for objecting to abuse. Display disgust and contempt for your vulnerability. And tell u that that ur thoughts, opinions, feelings r wrong/insignificant. During this stage they force feed u their delusional version of themselves where they exist, therefore they r entitled, to EVERYTHING including ur soul. If u even attempt to have a boundary it will be destroyed with more punishment to follow for attempting to be an individual. Your lack of cooperation in your own destruction, whether perceived or actual, constitutes further emotional abuse, sometimes physical abuse, as deemed necessary by your Lord and master. Lest we forget, any secret u may have shared (remember they gained ur trust) or even a random, made up story they invent is leverage and threatened to be exposed in a way that will humiliate and destroy any potential success or happiness with ur employment, finances, or relationships co-workers and/or friends (if u have any left), however it hurts u the most. It is also the perfect time to remind u they r ruthless and getting even, for them, is going to be atomic in nature. So u may as well fall in line. After they have seen you suffer enough to satisfy their evil thirst for your hemorrhaging eruption of pain and despair. They will be ready to receive the apology they deserve for having offended their delicate, fragile, hysterically delusional, disproportionately grandiose and totally unwarranted self image. Sadly, if u aren't ready to admit ur error in an attempt at self preservation it'll be time for round 2 of 'seek and destroy'. And if u have kids, they r next. Maybe that will get ur attention! Because they can't actually FEEL (not even for their own child) anything unless they r destroying someone (which is pleasurable, for them, to be clear) and this will suffice for now. Delivering pain thru a surrogate is so much more interesting for the abuser. And it allows for the distinct pleasure of damaging 2 people simultaneously for maximum effect. Win. Win. When u reach ur limit, bc u will before they do, most assuredly. U probably have no one left in ur life to support u bc the abuser made sure that everyone knew WHAT u were REALLY like, according to their account of selfless struggles, trying to help u but u just didn't want to be a better person in spite of how hard they tried. Also they r probably spreading lies about things u supposedly said or did to anyone who didn't buy the other bullshit. And if anyone else gets their feelings hurt, it's collateral damage, and it's also YOUR fault. Effectively destroyed. Victory rhetoric spewed by the vindictive mouth which supports all of the unfounded, unearned fantastical fables of imaginary success they believe regarding their supreme intellect and infinite knowledge of all things, at all times, in every possible scenario, in every dimension of existence. 3. Now that ur only hope is that there will be an end to the torture, some day, some way... They will suddenly stop and apologize with empty words and say they didn't mean it (plz note that there won't be an apology for a specific action, e.g lying, abuse, attempting to coerce, extort, attempting to impose their will. That is viewed as potential ammunition that can b used against them later when they r telling u that u r crazy and they never did anything to hurt u. They may even deny an apology was ever spoken. Thankfully, u already look crazy for putting up with their shit so it's an easy sell... But for now the sudden relief from the pervasive torture literally shocks u and completely confuses u. To be clear it is their plan to effectively disregulate ur ability to make rational, logical, self preserving decisions as well as impair your ability to think clearly enough to state facts that refute the coming lies. And so it begins, in the suspended moments of time that u try to understand that the attack on ur existence has halted, they use that as a segway to begin to subtly insert themselves back into ur life. And sadly, they r the ones delivering u from the unbearable relentless torment. Also a strategy to confuse logic. You are desperate for relief and u r just grateful for the end of it. Leading to displaced gratitude. Make sense? No. But how could u make sense of any of this as it is happening?And this is the most important part! REMEMBER!!! THEY R ALSO STILL THE SAME DEMENTED SUBHUMAN THAT HEARTLESSLY INFLICTED ALL OF THAT PAIN AS PUNISHMENT FOR YOUR FAILING TO CONFORM TO THEIR ARBITRARY, FLUID, DESTRUCTIVE SET OF STATED AND UNSTATED RULES. THE LATTER PURPOSED SO U MAY ATTEMPT TO GUESS AND OFTEN FAIL WHILE TRYING TO FIGURE OUT WHAT HEAD TRIP WE WILL BE GOING ON THAT DAY. So the fraudulent proclamations of enlightenment delivered with the compliments u have been starved of, on top of self serving, deliberate lies designed to delay and prolong ur pain upon discovery at a later date, the perpetually evasive validation that U yearned for have finally come to fruition along with a reprieve from the previously described torture ... Finally, he understands what U needed. And the proof is that he can verbalize it! U were the best thing that has ever happened to him. He only hurt u bc he was so hurt by losing u...(this is another way of blaming u for MAKING them behave like a satanically possessed, bloodthirsty demon). And here is one more chance (to play head games, manipulate, coerce, and overtly force and inflict their self serving demands and narcissistic ideals on u, against ur will, just for their sick pleasure) for the love they already knew u wanted but will never deliver bc it is within their power to destroy u at their leisure. They r masters of deception, ur no match for them. They have been improving and honing their acting skills since they were old enough to realize they didn't FEEL anything and needed to learn how to imitate human feelings like empathy and compassion. They r broken on a cellular level and even the professionals admit it is a waste of time and resources to attempt to help them as they see no problem with their behavior. In their view, if u r stupid enough or weak enough to be a victim then u deserve whatever u get. They will exploit any and all weaknesses they have discovered in u (remember the trust). And if u make the mistake of having ANY reaction or emotion that reveals ur humanity they see it as just another vulnerability for inflicting more pain( which is ALWAYS and will FOREVER be the primary objective). So if u believe the ass load of heaping bullshit, that is their pathetic attempt at sucking u in for more amusing torture prepare to repeat steps 1-3 as many times as they want, for as long as they choose, in whatever twisted manner they like. As for me, I'd rather burst into flames and descend from the sky like a shooting star than spend another millisecond of my precious life energy thinking about or in the presence of my my emotional sadist. Lastly, I forgive u. Because my peace resides within me, cultivating love for me. Beholden to none but me. Eventually forgetting you.
Almost poetic!! Nicely written & worth the read. Similar to Richard's video on covert narcs, & yet, I remember his video on co-dependency that told me, basically, I should've thought more of myself and been more honest in saying NO!!! What you've stated is so similar to the story line of Coronation Street, (Hope you're in UK !) with Yasmeen and that awful Geoff!! I just hope the word "narcissism" gets mentioned sometime during this storyline in this present storyline !! No matter what, no matter how 'dishonest' I may have been, in not saying 'no,' when I should have, I would NEVER have done the things a certain 'n' did, never. No wonder it made me resentful. I tried too hard, he did not. Full stop. xxx
@@jogriffiths5766 my narc is running a smear campaign. Sadly, our 17 year old autistic son is being manipulated and lied to. If I shut down contact between them my son will believe his dad. If I continue to allow it, my child receives the brunt of his dad's misdirected rage. I'm so bewildered. And totally inept at these games.
@@kellysmiles849 that's very interesting bc my ex is severely impacting our son's mental health with his cruel, manipulative behavior. He couldn't have cared less about our child until we split. Now if I intercede his wild accusations will appear true. If I don't my son's going to be abused by an emotional sadist trying to get his fix. I'm considering legal counsel to petition the court to impose visitation boundaries/guidelines that he will never be able to comply as it goes against his self serving nature.
@@michellehoward5318 Sounds like a catch 22 situation. If he keeps seeing his son, there's a chance he will overstep the mark some day & your son will realise & refuse to see him. I certainly wish you well. I was once in a similar situation. The 'n' won, at that time...however, he's dead now.
Good for you!!! Thank God to live in this day and age where the information is available!!!! It can be life saving for sure!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 Especially when they want you to believe youre crazy!!!! 😵😵😵😵
FORTY years for me also! It's never too late to wake up and gather the resolve and courage to get out. You and I have many years left to know what it is like to be free! Enjoy!
Thank you for saying serial killers like Ted Bundy are boring and unworthy of all the attention they receive. I have been exasperated for years by the many films made about them.
There are many people who lnew that Bundy was messed up, so they blew off his antics and were unharmed. I also read that several people escaped the Jonestown cult. To me, these are the interesting people who deserve movies made about them. They show goid sense and the triumph of the human spirit.
Serial class 101. They are horses***t beings who got away with it ,Listen to a volatile or a too quiet of a child.. ask,ask,ask,be nosy in there tiny worlds,they are children who needs to be be heard,then let the healing begin,if salvavageable.Options are endless now...!!! Do it Save the Baby,save the child beforehand.!! See it,turn it in ,might be very scary,but one step ,a call,a whisper is all it takes,Take it !! May God Bless us all...
"A shutting down of discussion" - or actually never starting lol You can hear the panic in their voice when you want to talk as an empathic peson, having 'unmasked' them. And then? Projection, triangulation, gaslighting, blame shifting, denial etc
You mention the childlike reactions but when you catch a glimpse of that narc smirk that plays on the corners of their mouth usually right after they get their way or the reaction from you that they were pushing for... It's diabolical Richard diabolical!
Omg it is very much in the eyes! In photos you can see it in their eyes and smile. You can feel it in their energy. Recognize it before you get into a relationship with them.
Petal Parker sooo true. That smirk triggers me. That's a button I'm still trying to disarm. That smirk ignites a blazing hot fury from the depths of my soul. And quite literally sent me over the edge. It, in my experience, was the final straw...the behavior told me, what his words repeatedly and skillfully denied for years and years! Which, to my own fault and denial, I already knew. He not only knew what kind of torture he was inflicting, conspiring to inflict, and executing with impeccable skill and timing but he also basked in the glory of annihilating my humanity while he denied ever doing it and actually appeared giddy while doing so. Emotional sadist is my personal "descriptor" for narcs. This word doesn't leave room for misunderstanding my message or devalue the clinical diagnosis as it can be overused by society thus losing the seriousness of the connotation.
@@kellysmiles849 I wish people would accept this is a spiritual thing..it world propel so much good to happen. Maybe bring some to Christ...I've dealt with these " ppl" all my life and it is clear to me now , that they are possessed with a demon. A Jezebel spirit, by biblical terms. And these facial features and cues they give are actually the demon manifesting in them. That's why they have a predatory look..like a wolf or snake. That's why they come to steal, kill, and destroy lives...just like their father Satan. Control and manipulation are witchcraft by biblical understanding. Even Almighty God gives us a choice. With Narcs, there's no such thing. They behave in the image of Satan, just as I feel many Empaths behave in the image of God. It's why we are kind, life giving, bright. We're so powerful we can Literally feed a soul sucking vampire and be spiritually self sustaining simultaneously. And we don't do it for points, it's what we are. They need our life force, yet have nothing to contribute but a mirage. The front is real. Really fake. And knowing there are wolves out here and how to spot em, is a huge advantage for those who find it, share it, and spread healing to the world. Life isn't a game, it's a test with recesses 😅
Yes!!!!! Always so indebted to the untouchable narcissist!!!! For ever having been so much of a burden to them!!!! While they abuse you!!!! Smh! 😕😟😬😬😬😵😵
According to their calculations, and yes they are keeping track. You do owe them! 10 fold what they gave and on demand with no previous notice. Fail to perform and you will be punished.
@@Sejdr mine literally said he needed more gratitude...I'm like for what? Diminishing my self esteem or killing my will to live? Being thankful to them is a job without end, never to achieve"enough". I'm sooooo relieved, thankful, elated beyond measure with the peace I have in my life. Occasionally, I feel anger creeping in, when I have an epiphany regarding the horrific treatment I endured. But then, more gratitude for teaching me that the love I was looking for will never be found externally. It's %1000 within me. He is too unqualified to treat me as well as I now treat myself!!!!
I was in a very terrible relationship with a narcissist, thank god i left him, that time i didn't know about narcissistic world, the more i know about narcissism the more i feel proud about my decision.
condescension is their main mode. they give you the biggest sob stories, yet are self-inflated at the same time when you expect accountability from them.
I knew these 2 who when they had a problem it made them important (so you have to do what they say) but you have a problem, it proves you suck (so you have to do what they say). I took off, the worse for it but the wiser.
I'm dumbfounded by their inability to grasp the contradiction between being victimized and grandiose simultaneously. I imagine they are always at odds with their perceptions and actual reality. There functional theme is the ability communicate incongruent messages, i.e. "I love you" using spoken words while simultaneously communicating revulsion and judgement nonverbally. It must be exhausting for them??? I know it's draining to be in their presence. Don't miss it all.
Michelle Howard ......perfectly said. I’m presupposing the blame could be put on anti-depressants...it is the only thing that makes sense. A part of their brain just doesn’t care or is unable to be accountable or take responsibility for their own behaviours.
Oh no they are far far more than a front, they are most maniacal. They need to be out and about to feed, definitely not locked behind closed doors....well except now they are, and they are ‘’raging’’ It’s all so classic isn’t it?
Alexandra David O'Neal certainly can be! I came across a principle of Kabbalah in my teens that teaches to do good deeds and acts of charity it total secrecy.... never telling anyone because when you do it dissipates the energy. So the question is how do we see the difference in the service to selfers from truly altruistic ???
Kelly Smile - I’ve always believed and said that “no good deed is truly selfless.” Even when no one knows but u, there is still a motive that involves the self. Even with the best intentions, a person is rewarded - emotionally, spiritually (perception or expectation), etc. I don’t even feed my kid selflessly - I feel good doing so. But I’m especially wary of a person who boasts about their good deeds so I do believe there’s something to be said for one’s humility in deeds. Just my stream of thought...don’t mind me. Lol
Kellie Smiles Yes. One thing I noticed about the psycho even before I knew what he was, was that he was always ’helping’ people and then complsining that no one is grateful. He seemed to have this constant worry that people are taking advantage of him for the most banal things and favors that he often would offer himself. I also know a lot of other narcs who do charitable things - one of their favorite is taking care of stray dogs. When you observe them yoo can see easily that their ’care’ is pathological. They go to such lenghts ti help stray dogs but when it comes to people they will shoot you in the back.
@@kellysmiles849 watch them and as Richard said, question them, watch how they behave in public, how they behave private and, this is critical: watch them when you're alone with them, watch them when they get criticized or in a discussion when someone has an opposite opinion, watch them how they speak about people who are not there, watch if they're able to apologise (narcs can't!). The truth will show you and last but not least listen to your feelings, if you feel strange in being with people like that, take it seriously, you're (probably) right!
I needed that. Was losing faith, this world really is beautiful, I was watching the trees before listening to you, and they are glorious, apple and cherry blossom are in full bloom, Sun is shinning and its a good day to be alive. Thank you.
Among many of the cruel things my ex said when he discarded me was “I just don’t want to have to care about you anymore”… I was grieving the loss of my daughter and career… a few months later he was out supporting a charity event for a widow and her children.. everyone thinks he’s sooo kind and charitable. No, he’s just a great actor who craves adoration. I lost count of the times he mentioned how much money he’d raised for different charities. His charity didn’t extend to me.
My experience of my ex, was that of being idealised and then disgarded so many times over alot of years. It leaves u in a state of devastation and trying to put your broken self worth back together again. But I stay positive and keep on going, a little older & wiser 💗🌅 x
I just went through this. First I thought it was BPD but this fits too. What's funny is I've been called the narcissist along with every other disgusting, hateful name you could be called. Thought maybe I was the issue, and maybe I do have issues but nothing like what she did to me.
@@jasonmonroe5981 it’s called projection. Mine was extremely jealous and envious but would project that onto me. They have little capacity for self reflection and little self awareness. Because they cannot take responsibility for their actions, words, feelings, thoughts, they emotionally vomit those onto their target.
The ex covert narc I was with for 4 1/2 yrs was generous until he wanted me so badly to move in with him, then he was so selfish. Wanted me to pay all expenses on his house each month, never took me out just the 2 of us, only when he was treating others to dinner. He received a huge promotion and didn't even take me out to dinner to celebrate. I just spent the relationship watching him be generous with his money to others, mostly who didn't deserve it. I was so confused. I didn't realize it was a show. This was one of many puzzle pieces that fell exactly in place to covert narcissism.
He needed to consume you and exhaust all of your options for escape (I.e. draining financial and emotional resources, etc.) to secure his superior position.
I experienced the same exact situation. He broke me emotionally, financially, and mentally- all with a smile on his face. I’m glad you got away from him!
Thank you for sharing your experience. My ex covert narcissist partner never took me or children to a trip or restaurant during 12 years living together. It was me who organised and paid for socialising events. He only paid for his Own birthday parties for a show. Our relationship was so fragile and during his bday party, i remember i had to pretend that everything was ok. But it was not. I am glad i am and my daughters are out of this desfunctional life. Currently 1 month no contact. Healing just started.
This behavior is very similar to interrupting someone while they’re speaking, it’s a covert way of saying “what you have to say is not important to me”. Sly abuse tactics.
Me, after a 14.5yfs marriage my ex wife left me after I discovered her internet affair (o had no evidences of any else). She left, never went clear on anything, never wanted therapy or reconciliation. Just had a list of small things (not minimizing) that I did to push her to cheat (yeah, I know, gaslighting). I filed for divorce, but she asked me to hold the process until she’d know what she wanted. She then kept hovering and inviting me out to dinner (I always paid everything). But just like in our marriage, no sex, no real care, just demands, just her, her things, her problems, her family issues, her dog, her work, and her work. A few times, after I learned about her disorder, I tested her with starting to talk about me, and she couldn’t stand 30sec of that, before to taking the conversation about her again. Six months into this limbo I asked about the divorce, and to my astonishment she said: oh, I’m ok with that now... go ahead and refile the process (of course I pay now twice for the same). Since I found old tax info and with that detailed cell phone bills of hers. Guess what, a detailed analysis showed constant and frequent contact with many other men. Whether she fucked all these assholes, I have no way to know it. Just like the called internet affair, she denied, then minimized it as friendships after I showed proof of her deeds. Gaslighting, lies, all the same. All I wanted from this covert narc (200% negativistic, chronic envy, insecure, entitled, egotistical, malicious, dishonest, etc) was to hear the truth, even if it would hurt me. All I wanted is to be freed by the truth, free from the bounding lies of the last 16yrs. I feel more than cheated. I feel more than discarded. I feel robbed and used as a resource, and by a manipulator that controlled me and my life so much. Me, I’m the boss of my department, and am seen as strong and balanced by my peers. I was a leader in the army. And yet I was weak, stupid, fearful, a slave to this little woman. No contact for a month now, and only now I see some light at the end....
I just run away from my ex narcissistic husband who started putting his foot on my face and kicking me in my private and threatened to write to my employer to tell them I'm an aggressive person for simply I put him back in his place for his abuse and hiw he sadistically relate to me how he had intimate encounters how and where and with his exes.this disgusted me and I was finally sick.He drained away my money,mental health and self esteemed.
The 3rd reason is why nothing in government changes for the better.and I totally agree with your view of psychopaths. They are just evil. The lowest of the low.
One of the most useful (imo), albeit simplest, mantras is, "No one is responsible for my happiness but me." We've a finite amount of time breathing on this rock; whomever is reading this in pain, confusion, or fear, your time is accounted by and for you alone, may the rest of yours it be in peace
The rules of a narcissistic, psychopathic, totally sick, power hungry, monstrous tyrant should be taken and shoved up his bottom. Very well said. You have really taken my understanding the narcissist to a whole new level. I can truly relate to you.
Isabelle Nazare-Aga, French psychotherapist said something about the fascination with narcissists that was very profound. We usually do get fascinated with these people when we are not fully healed. But especially when we have no idea what they are about and that such evil exists in this world. She said that people who fascinate us, don't make us grow, they reduce us. And that is so true. We get reduced by them to the extent they traumatize us because we feel ' less than' before we get involved with them. And once we heal and really understand on the emotional level that we are all human beings in socks 😉, the fascination wears off naturally. And yes, it's true that they are boring. They make themselves interesting only by mimicking and stealing someone else's good traits. In other words, by vamparizing and sucking our milkshake. It's all front as you said. Thanks for keeping it real Richard!
Wow im going to look that lady up... for example, i say im morbidly fascinated by the kardashians...yet they are all so ugly inside...by being fascinated by them, though, im being reduced by them....so true...! And they are all narcissistic, esp The mother viper, as i call her... But yes in general, these folks whoever they are, who fascinate us, automatically make us feel " less than", but its 1) our fault for allowing ourselves to be fascinated, and thereby made to feel less than, and 2) nothing more than a spell. Now, the spell is broken as to kardashians, i see them for what they are....pathetic.
@@thehotcoffeehouse6081 yes indeed they are quite pathetic! It shows to which extent our society is reduced by them 😉. Fake tits, no moral philosophy, no morality... And the list goes on.
My mother would deliberatly do charitable things in front of me and watch for my reaction... I could see it but I would feel guilty for thinking she was just performing for applause, she was though, it was just performance art.
yes they want praise for what normal people do anyway just because it's the RIGHT thing to do. I felt myself looking for the cameras after sex because it wasn't that good but obviously a performance.
My mother was a social butterfly, helping teens, coaching baseball, detoxing drug addicts on our couch, running teen dances, helping handicap homes, buying people food......on and on. Never home and I use to wash the floors on my hands and knees so she wouldnt scream at me. I was her burden. My brother was never home, my dad coach hockey 4 nights a week, then either at the bar or sleeping so I was in her fire. She called me a rotten slut when I was 11 years old because I went to the neighbourhood restaurant for a coke with my friends and wasnt at home for her wrath after fighting with my dad. She was always trying to kill herself on and on...fucked me up. I think I was the only person in that town that hated her. Doesnt matter but she fucked me up bad, then I married a man just like her. Talk about co-defendant but Im know what he is because of my mom. Only took me 50 years but I know.
This is so true & I must say it was a very healing and gut wrenching laugh when I heard your message about shoving the truth up the narcissist’s “bum”.🤣🤣 Richard Grannon you are great speaker!!
Once, with my narc ex husband, I was so confused as to what was going on during and argument and when I called him out and said “you’re actually a F**ing coward” - I swear his eyes changed and the rage was insane. I glared right back into his empty eyes and thought to myself “there it is, there’s the trigger and the truth.”
One of my narcs has educated himself on narcissism, and now I’m constantly (even more so!) second guessing him because I’ll think he’s “better” but after time he shows himself again. It’s as if he’s learned so much about narcissism that he tries to do the opposite of a narc... but it’s soOoOooOo obvious lol
I'm now dealing with mine, 2 months post break up and he is causing maximum damage. I recently put a boundary in place and he had a nuclear meltdown. If you want to check for "improvement", say no or just insert a boundary. Mine is spewing venom and almost seems unstable bc I will not tolerate his verbal abuse. As if it's violating his rights bc he can't abuse me.
The way we have more than one of these nasty creatures is that we have a narcissistic wound from childhood that is yet unhealed. 😓 Funny thing happens as you begin to heal-if u are an empath especially, you will begin to catch on much quicker and notice red flags! 🙌 And that is a great analogy about the 🔋battery!!!
@@donnaredirectyourself6965 I totally get having multiple narcs. I'm 47 and have had 3 long term relationships totalling 25+ yrs. But I'm so blessed to now understand. Both parents fall in to cluster B personality disorders. I felt like an alien my whole life while functioning under the belief that my perceptions of life where somehow skewed. I just had no idea I was just repeating the same unresolved script and trying to meet my need for approval, validation, and acceptance that I never achieved while my psyche was developing. The emotional flashbacks were buried so deep that I just automatically suppressed them and assumed that I was a lifer in regards to depression and self doubt. No prescribed pill fixed me and no self medication eased my suffering. Although this is a journey I've resisted for decades, I finally understand to NOT do it is committing to the continuation of despair and accepting that I would probably soon die and it would finally be over. Every time I inadvertently respond to a flashback I stop and feel my pain and then ease it to rest. I'm not sure yet but I think this is self validating. And that has been the relief I've so desperately sought out in all the wrong people... Feeling blessed to just be.
* parents. Parents who I chose not to speak with for several years because of narcissism. Then, children were born and I have no choice other than controlling my own personal space, and boundaries. Not leaving my child alone with him is one. It’s very difficult to heal from my childhood trauma when I don’t really get to live my life how I want and need to.
I absolutely needed to see this video today. I recently broke up with my abusive, toxic, psychopath boyfriend of 3 years. I knew that I was at the beginning of a painful journey as the healing process is never an easy one. He won't let me go and has become more abusive and scary. More times than not I feel ass though I will never be free. I've lost tthe few people I at one time would've referred to as part of my support system. Told that I am not doing enough if he is still coming around. The court is involved (injustice system) as is local law enforcement (a total joke). Ican barely sleep at night as I'm being harassed every night. I've had to change my number and continue to have to block every number Hee contacts me from, even one of my greatest friend's. I am completely worn down and feel as though I cannot heal due to the ongoing, worsening abuse. I often feel like I am going to lose my life by his hands. When I try to discuss this with others I am dismissed, my situation minimized and told I did this to myself for not leaving sooner. So, when I catch certain videos on my feed on this topic, more times than not, they directly relate to what I am having to endure currently. Your video fits in my divine timing category, so I thank you and your channel with much gratitude. Thank you for what you do and your incredible knowledge and willingness to help others.
i had a 10 year on / off relationship with a covert Narc - ended in 2016 - last year i worked with another lady in my profession- pretty quickly i realized with her "my way" or the highway attitude and occasional anger outbursts & constant proclamations that she was the victim in many situation that i was now in a work relationship with a Narc - so i was ready when she pulled the rug out from under me. This year i am working at another place and the lady in charge is....a huge Narc - it's her way - there is no other way - she has major anger outbursts - she gaslights and lies constantly - even her right hand lead guy- of 10 years - said "everything she says is a lie" , she told me the most fantastic unbelievable story - so much so that it has to be completely untrue. i am off right now due to Covid 19 - i have no intention of going back there. They are everywhere ! Very often in positions of power , which they abuse. I do not let them get to me now, never let them now anything personnel, always smile and nod but inside know - they are gaslighting, lying, and trying to manipulate you.
I was told "There are two ways of doing this (anything), My way and the WRONG way". Hahahahaha It's easier to spot managers and co workers with this disease now.
LMAO, "Hairless ape in a pair of socks". OMG !!! I am most definitely going to use that line on my NPD friend....Mr. Grannon, I cannot tell you how much you have helped me to deal with my friend. I have watched so many of your videos and have taken notes. Yes, I take notes so I can read over them and plan ways to put your information to practice. Your videos are so comprehensive and such fabulous learning tools. Well done you. I am so glad you had a mind to put all this information out here. Since I started putting your knowledge into practice my life has improved tremendously. I am no longer a flying monkey.
Yes, in their eyes we are literally just "extensions" of them. Not seperate individuals but believed to be a literal part of them that they are convinced they can control. I remember when in their company experiencing it like they at all times were determined to pull me onto their "planet", that there was no other space in which to interact, no way I could stay on my "planet" whilst in their company, but on their "planet" there was no oxygen.
To everyone else they pretend to be kind, sensitive, harmless, and humble... They are extremely deceptive. The one I knew laughed as he was lying about cheating on me. He couldn’t leave a voicemail about his fake alibi without laughing uncontrollably. They are sadists and frauds.
Just found you. Thank you for your channel. Your ability to articulate the mentality of these people's dispositions is very different than most teachers and coaches regarding the spectrum of narcissism. Most therapists don't have any idea the depth and diversity of this psychopathy. Thank you.
Hello Richard, my name Nick Hill and have watched most of your videos! and found this one is dead on to explain my x wife! I have returned into this relationship three times of my life and having four children with her! throughout my in's & out's with it has taken it's toil on me! i was thinking i was superman to be there for my children & grandchildren too! but now here a month ago she came up me to and told me she had something to say to me! looking up to her eyes and her saying i never loved you and never wanted your children! something happen that day to me! i started to stutter and lose my balance standing! one month later finding myself ordered out of her house and almost losing my mind! now try to make come back after her lies to my children and making my oldest be leave that i was crazy and my oldest children be leaving it calling the police to have me arrested for the first time in my life! doctors told me sorry and police too! what a roller coaster ride! i'm lucky to be alive! but i have many problems still with my health. Thank you for letting me make my comment.
Hey, Nicky! I'm sooo sorry you're going through this, & sounds like you're spinning in shock & horror. - Have a friend help find a psych counselor for you NOW--even if it's that video version of talk therapy. - Misrepresenting you to the Law & your kids by your ex is what I've heard from a ton of guys! It's an actual "thing"! Seeing a counselor NOW will serve you in court too from NOW ON. - Recruit your real-life friend NOW to help you get a psych counselor, please, if you haven't already. 🎀
This video gives me hope. Richard you have integrity and passion. Thank you for standing up Using your platform and gifts to enlighten the masses in a smart and deep way. This was very moving and truth personified.
I am removed now after 28 years with this narcissist....I am turning 60 ...I am bewildered ...why ? did I not leave him in the first years...I am so so overwhelmed.... i don't understand what has happened...maybe It is not this ...I am sick yet flying in the clouds and so happy inside my being i can't believe this new happiness : \9 :)
Cheers Richard. I enjoy your honesty. For me it’s 7 years out of that relationship but had a child. Your work helped me to realise what I was dealing with. Thankyou
Yesssss!!!! I’m so happy I watched this video this morning. Thank you, thank you! I broke up with my children father for good and he’s putting me through hell! One day he is trying hard to be nice, the next he is screaming that I’m nothing! We still live together until I can move all my babies stuff and mine across the whole country. This gives me awareness that I need to stay strong. I applaud you for making these videos. Thank you. It’s making more sense out of this nonsense!!!
"You're just another hairless ape, in a pair of socks" I said this to myself while on mushrooms the other night, and think it often. Is it from somewhere? Also, the "it has always been this way and always will be this way" thinking is upsetting, and dangerous. To live with someone who so extremely lives in finite to thaty degree, forgetful of the vast universe around them (Hard to see the universe when one cant see past one's own nose), is dangerous. I would go as far as saying, should be considered potentially life threatening, as this thinking as put me in more genuinly life threatening situations than I can count, and I am sure others can relate to that, and hugs to those watching and really understand the cold, still, gripping, anxious, heart slowing fear that comes with it. The anger in this resonated. Love to you brother. Thank you so much for being willing to talk about this and express vulnerability. These feelings can be hard to deal with. hard to come to terms with. Hard to repeat. Thank you.
Great points! But I’ve got lost for a bit after minute 11. First of all they are not ’human’ like you. They are distinctly ’unhuman’. If they were human, human psychology would apoly to them and it doesn’t. Then, ’People get hurt’, ’people cry’ etc. This is exactly how the psycho sounds. They justify the pain they inflict on others by ’people get hurt’, ’life is tough’, ’I am not legally obligated’, ’I am not morally obligated (because I follow my own ’moral’) etc. In other words ’I’m free to do what I want and no one is my master’ is a narcissist’s/psychopath’s mantra. This statement about ’people get hurt but that’s life’ is not applicable to a narcissistic relationship. The narcissist does not ’get hurt’, they get narcissistic injury. That is completely different. To justify anyone’s pain by saying ’life is tough’ and ’not my problem’ is the definition of narcissism. And in my experience they use this ’transient’ nature of everything always as a way to escape responsibility for anything.
My ex narc used to insist he was going to live for 200 years by transforming his body into a computer. He sincerely believed this. One of the most difficult parts of my healing process is pulling myself out of his delusion I lived in with him for nine years. It’s been painful but often beautiful re-enter reality.
This is my favorite one of your rants. I am getting so much value from that entire, 'let's help them shove it further up their behind'-part. Gonna listen to it several more times. I was feeling a bit stuck with that place in me, but now I can set those thoughts free and move on. Thanks again!
This explains why trying to communicate with my ex and discussing any issues was impossible. The "great sin" in asking questions. Omg the or else is the scariest part!
“It’s a beautiful world. Keep your sense of humour. Stay robust and resilient and disciplined. Stay switched on. Be careful and stay watchful.” Thanks Rich. Much, much, much needed advice. Bless you.
I am myself have training as a Registered Nurse [my BSN] and have always been told there was a need to have "professional boundries" between myself and the patient/client ... (I instinctively felt there was something wrong in doing this). I am always careful to maintain boundry's regarding my role to help (and not merge a personal rel'p to free them from the need for reciprocity; there is none - my place is to help], but I never, ever but myself above them and had no trouble sharing my own experience ... to show compassion. The walls constructed are for control & power. This serves no purpose in healing. We Are All the Same 99.95% Genetically. The sooner we realize we're all connected and together we grow together, we'll see miracles like never before.
Thank you, Richard G.! Many animal rescue people are just after supply, for sure. My own mother was so great to so many children and parents, but horrid to her own. Bundy-like ones should not get attention, for sure. The earth is a beautiful place, despite persons like him. We each have free will to choose our actions, to a large degree; that's what separates humans from animals. Of course, we all need help at times, or most of the time. Thank you for sharing yourself, and mostly, for passing on positivty. 🙋
THANK YOU for teaching us, for helping us grow and for speaking the utterlig fucking truth about this horrible creatures, love it 👌🏼💪🏼👏🏼Hugs from Sweden ❤️
Dear Richard you so much for all you do for us and for this insight you 'coincidentally' shared during present circumstances. Your calmness and clarity is uplifting. Made me feel a lot better :) Much love❤️
This has made me feel a lot better, safer and reassured that actually he is NOT God. I realise I have felt so threatened because he had me believing he was so powerful. No, he is just human. He's quite stupid actually I am realising. He is not going to control me or my little boy ever again. I can heal. I can move on. We can live a happy life with him meaning nothing to me anymore and no Influence in my life anymore. This is great relief. Thank you for the safe feeling I need to help pull me through the divorce battles ahead. X
❌SUGGESTIONS PLEASE ❌What’s the safest / smoothest way to break up with a narcissistic? He’s currently cycling from emotionally abusive behavior, to apologizing. I simply can’t and WON’T do it for another day. I’ve tried literally everything over the years & zero has changed...except me play small to make him feel big. I realize explaining “why it’s unhealthy” doesn’t work because it of course is all my fault...so what about saying “I can’t do it anymore. I’m not strong enough to keep going”? This way it’s on me and something he can’t argue. *even though he will. I am scared of him, and know leaving without saying anything will send him into rage. I need the ending to upset his ego as little as possible. Even if it means I need to seem like the broken one so i seem less valuable? Any suggestions would mean the world 🤍
Patience Silva because every narc has the potential for physical abuse whether there's a history or not. I would have someone physically with you, with phone in hand, when you tell the narc AND when you, or they, move out. Don't allow them the same access to ANYTHING important (banking info, bills, electronics and storage devices) that they can and will use to hurt you. Make sure, if you are keeping the residence, that they never have possession of keys to locks out of your line of vision. Next day they could have made copies to keys before giving them to you. Change every password the they knows. Close all shared accounts. If your leaving don't forget anything. It will be a weapon used against you to elicit your presence later and assess you for weakness to strategize the next attack. Be sure if you're discarding them. There will be another attempt to get back together so they can't annihilate you as revenge for stopping their abuse of you. If he is moving out, it will be so uncomfortable, because they want it to be. When they "forget" something to have an excuse to access you later. Mail it to them. Have a friend drop it off or leave on the porch for them and don't open the door. (Kidding, not kidding) Not even if they are on fire! You can only help by calling 911. Because if you open the door, you will then be on fire too. And there will be no one to get any help for you (literally and metaphorically). As you exit for the last time, do not explain yourself. You've do e that for years. They chose not to listen. So you can now choose not to elaborate. You can either tell them now, in a polite and genuine tone that you hope they will respect your boundaries and plz do not contact you while you are getting settled. Do not say anything like you need time to heal or process... This gives them the impression that you will consumed by thoughts of them. Do not elaborate on anything. Have a general idea before this time comes on what you will say. And be aware of your choice of words bc they will dissect your communication to find evidence of ...whatever they want to find... This is when they start their "investigation" to gather every detail of your new life so that they can guilt, coerce, manipulate, bargain, accuse...which ever one(s) work. When they violate the boundary you initiated, and they will, you now have the choice that you probably haven't had, or actually you were told you didn't have, to enforce boundaries and consequences for violating them. No contact. Period. Some days you will want to call them and yell at them for ALL the hurt. But it's completely useless, like washing your car in a rain storm. Nothing meaningful will be derived from your effort. Use that energy on you, for you, by you. It's all yours. When you "feel" like you miss something about them, stop and reframe the emotion and feeling to understand you are having an uncomfortable experience that is being misidentified and acknowledge that you know you have a lot of work to do to regulate your emotional navigation system and you will need to remember that the temporary discomfort will pass and hope for the future is the reward. Going back to them is condemning yourself to a non-life, just an existence at best. Best of luck. Plz be safety conscious. This will be the most dangerous situation you have been in with this person. I almost lost my life in a situation similar to this. Thankfully, I had a small opening, seemingly created by Devine intervention, and I literally sped away, in my car with doors open holding my child under my arm.
Whatever you do, gather your valuables and put them somewhere safe. They have no problem literally sinking the ship by any means necessary even when they're on it. They have no problem turning you into a nag lady sleeping rough on the streets. IF YOU CAN PUT MONEY AWAY, DO IT. Always keep a bug out bag, a GO BAG, whatever. And make sure you have your own car keys to YOUR OWN VEHICLE. I can't even get INTO what I wound up with after 30 years. I came into the situation, young, successful, happy, healthy. Owned my own business 5-6 figures a year, my own home.... I was left with the clothes on my back, and was told leaving was "my choice" They've got what little I had left either in storage or strewn around town....
Oh, keep spare set of keys with someone you trust. It's amazing how an insurance payment didn't go thru, car keys vanish, then your car next. BTW if it makes you feel better, I am a woman that has been going thru this. This account I'm on is one our business shared, thus HIS NAME is on it. 😎
I knew a lady who went from a "caring" RN to a surgical/prescribing/practitioner what everah, blah blah blah and now she's an expert in every area and if you don't kiss her ring, ya know the rest. And yes, she was an abused child. I don't know if she's killed anyone with her new all knowing knowledge, because I quit trying to be her friend, she was trying to project her childhood pain on to me and I'm not the one who hurt her. I wasn't able to heal her of that either though, I think she thought I was going to. Nah Gahnna Do it ( Dana Carvey lol ).
Great video, Richard, well said, well explained, thank you. It's been a while, been very busy, good to catch this video. I once described narcissists as thieves of the worst kind. Subject very appropriate for these times. Thanks again.
Theives of the worst kind!!! Yes!!!! Because they steal the best parts of YOURSELF away from YOU!!!!!! Thats why you cant let them!!!! 💖💖💖💖💖 armour up with richard! Lol ☺☺😊😊😊
Everything you say is true. People are fascinated by them because they are different but living with them is an absolute misery. In the last four years of learning all I can about narcissistic psychopaths I think all they really wanted was love. I think that’s they key to life is that all we really want is to be loved for who we are. My father is a true psychopath and was horrible to me. But now that I have done so much healing I can see that hurt people hurt people, not that that is an excuse. They create a false self so that they don’t have to deal with their vulnerabilities. It is as Richard says, a fight response to trauma. Deep down they hate themselves and aren’t happy. When they are abusing others it makes them forget about their pain. When my father got a dog that was able to love him unconditionally things were so much better at home and when that dog died he returned to being evil. All anyone really wants is to be loved and to be seen for who they are. It’s not up to us to love them though. We need to turn inwards and heal ourselves. Love ourselves even though we have been broken. That has been the hardest thing for me. I kept trying to fix everything outside of myself. Now all I know is that we have to fall in love with ourselves (from Marisa Peer). Now when I meditate I feel God/source energy running through me and that for me is where I get love because I wasn’t given any by parents. Melanie Tonia Evans work has been life changing for me also along with your wisdom Richard. I really believe God/ source is working through you because your understanding of abusive personalities is so nuanced. You are a great teacher. I think you have been given a gift and I really appreciate all you have taught me over the years. Finding your work was such a breakthrough for me. Finally it all made sense. Everyday I look forward to seeing what I can learn from you and I just really enjoy so much listening to you not only on this site but your other sites too. I really enjoy listening to Pierre and Richard (Tin Foil hat) which you introduced me to. At first I wasn’t sure about them but now I love listening to them. I also have learnt about David Icke and other radical thinkers through listening to you. It’s so refreshing to know that there are people willing to think for themselves and this was something my father tried to destroy in me. People like you have inspired me to reignite this very important part of me. Thank you.
20 years....he discarded me in a vile way. Thank god for that despite the pain I am going through. He was diagnosed autism but I found out that he is a vulnerable/shy/fragile/covert narcissist...the worst kind
This is something I had to bring to mind....I've had other people in my life....they have come/gone and I've been ok ( the pain will go)...and I will be again 😁 . Love where you live beautiful scenery.
Your clarity on this Blovid subject is so spot on. Thank you for sharing this! You are shining such a bright light on our behavior and how we interact in this realm. Thank you for your time.
