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Richard I so want this. you get it. sleep deprivation kills it at this point for me. cannot focus and vision becomes blurred concentrating and reading and writing unless I have to for work. driving. same. for the past 8 months I've walked everywhere I must and go nowhere else. usually awake 19 hours per day. I can listen and rewind and listen again and again. I don't sit. heck I even eat standing up. my role at my job is multifaceted which is super and also involves plenty peopling so am exhausted at the end of each day anyway. I am solo therefore I must shop, cook, eat, launder, clean etc alone. nutrition is paramount and has been since being the victim of disgusting physical abuse October 2022 and whilst working out my escape copped it to near death 23 days later because I wanted to spend the day before my work shift with my heavily pregnant daughter bearing her first child and my first grandchild. [ex-narc is no relation]. have been zero contact and lawful protections are in place but for the past 20 months this clever dick manipulates the system and judges and evades accountability even after breaching a supposed 'it carries more weight domestic violence order. I don't know how I am still here tbh. I don't want to start something I'm too tired to even start let alone finish. help 😢
We were brought up to believe that women should be protected and treated with respect. I no longer believe that. I know what a smear campaign and I know what weaponizing victimhood means. If I knew all this before hand I wouldn't have even said hello to her. I thought that it was wrong to hurt women but they will still play the victim to get you killed and unlike men they can get away with it. You have security because you scorned a woman just like I did. No matter what she is the victim and you victimized her. It's beyond sick this shit
Complex, but put into a laymen’s level of understanding in a form that is useful and practical. The mental work and study that went into this end product, I imagine must have been a lot. Impressive, respectable. You are helping a lot of people, me included. Thank you
9 years ago, uneducated to all this, I finally removed the man I thought was my soul mate, we’d had a history of over 30 years. He had abused me in every way except physical. Once free, the fear( ptsd) took hold of me and I experienced a critical heart attack at the age of 53. I tore an artery at the front of my heart after it had branched off twice. Two hospitals could not say why it happened as I was in good health and all tests were normal. My quick acting daughter who is a paediatric nurse saved my life by recognising my symptoms. I had hit my rock bottom and with literally a broken heart, started my healing and discovery journey, including and most importantly working on myself. I am now at the age of 62 at peace being who I should have been all my life. I see it, I understand it and most importantly do not crave to have toxic people to save. It was me that was broken all along.
God Bless you for surviving Tina. I totally resonate with you. These people force us down a road of unexplained illnesses through the CPTSD which we don't know we have at the time. I spent 22 years with the ex-wife narcissist who also nearly drove me into the ground with chronic stress and a hole host of other illnesses including blood cancer (Polycythaemia vera. A thickening of the blood. High risk of blood clots). I've been mentally healing for 4 years and in a much better place now compared to 2020 when I left. I am no longer at risk of blood cancer which I firmly believe was due to the high levels of cortisol in my system at the time which gradually subsided as time went by. The only thing different was that I was no longer imprisoned in a highly toxic environment. Narcissists should be imprisoned for the damage they cause but they literally get away with it.
Thank you for sharing your story. I am 30 yrs in also and just now slowly starting to realize I've bought into the shared fantasy. It seems so hard, and almost impossible to keep trying to break through to the other side. To fight him and my own distorted thinking constantly...I get so exhausted that I wonder if it's really worth it on the other side. I too, am all the sudden having heart problems, on top of the existing autoimmune stuff likely a result of 30 yrs of congnative dissonance (aka mental disassemblance lol). Thank you for sharing your struggle and the fact that you have found contentment and happiness! It gives me hope and strength to keep trying.
Thank you Richard, your channel was one of the first I found. And from those early days of self discovery and understanding , I grew wise and strong. As a result, the family and people in my life now are true to me . I pray to all for a safe journey on finding your peace within 🙏🏼
Dear Tina, I felt compelled to reply to your comment, which I rarely do, but when you stated, 'It was me who was broken all along", Wow, it's such a statement of truth for all of us. We didn't deserve to be "more" broken by people who had even more brokenness than us, but one thing narcissistic abuse shows us is that we have some childhood programming that isn't healthy. For me, I stayed 40 years. I'm educated with 2 degrees, one in psychology, thought I felt good about myself. I learned much later than I would have wished that my childhood growing up with an alcoholic father and codependent, beautiful mother, was not the norm I thought it was. And I didn't get out of it unscathed. I hope this helps someone because the reality is that I loved both my parents, and like my ex husband, my father never physically abused me, so I never even considered the concept of abuse. An alcoholic parent cannot give a child mentally, emotionally, spiritually, etc., what the child needs and deserves. And neither can a person with narcissism. We may have more years behind us, but we definitely have better years to look forward to. It is never too late to wake up and choose yourself. If the Lord took me today, I count myself blessed that I didn't die still in that toxic dysfunction. Very blessed. God bless you and everyone in this bittersweet community.
Hang in there- It gets better. I cried for 4 months, Love yourself as much as you possibly can, and rest. Sleep, and nourish yourself. Remember, we can heal and change. They are trapped in their empty selves doomed to repeat the same cycle over, and over. You are a survivor.
Victimhood is almost guaranteed if you are one who seeks relation as a survival mechanism. Relationship is SO important to your survival and self worth, you will knowingly or unknowingly sacrifice parts of, or all of, yourself to preserve it. We will seek to fulfill where we found our value until we can make our self worth healthier. It's time YOU mattered more than them.
Thanks Richard. A very clear and succinct explanation of how we get into such a tangled mess. I’m positively hanging off the cliff waiting for your next episode.
Also Richard: You should do a video on Omission... Its not always agressive and demeaning behaviour. Their Omission of stuff is also sometimes done as abuse.
Exactly. That was the problem for me in my past relationship with a covert somatic NPD. So much information left out. So much lying by omission. It was like I was always being haunted. And then some flat out lying. If I would have kept my mouth shut, I would have seen it all. But the spell on me, my limerence of this person mixed with cognitive dissonance made me so confused. Yuck.
Yes, much of the abuse I received came in the form of disappointment: promises not kept (future faking); affection withheld sometimes when I needed it most. There was sometimes this smirk when he witnessed my disappointment.
Realizing my friend, who’s constantly losing relationships, has omitted any real reasons why. After 8 years of no contact, I succumbed to the Hoover in 2021, thinking they had changed. Realizing now, they haven’t. Sort of shame on me. It wasn’t until recently I learned what npd is and things started to click. God bless these channels and community for getting the information out there.
This makes so many things make sense. I left my ex the BPD/NPD almost 14 years ago. It wasn’t until a decade later that I finally was able to stop being triggered so hard that I would have panic attacks with high levels of anxiety. I left with our tiny daughter. I battled him in court and was granted 100% legal and physical custody. He still caused my daughter damage, but at least she was protected in the way he had access to her. After years of emotional abuse from him she went no contact in 2021 at 11 years old. It was at that point that both she and I really started to heal.
Richard, I’m 5 minutes in. I’ve been watching you for at least 4 years. This is my situation. You understand to an extent I just can’t explain. How can you help me. Please.
I don't think that I have heard anything or anyone more resonant in my quest for "wholeness ". I have watched many of your videos but never came across this "COURSE " on healing and I really need it. I kept asking myself why can't I put the past behind me? Now I see that my splitting is a present issue. Thank God! And thank you Richard, I thought I had a piece missing or that I was irrevocably damaged. I don't share this stuff with anyone anymore because they have not lived it or experienced it . I will hang on to yhis video today and look for more of your guidance on your channel 🙏 Thank uou again and again. WOW! ❤
Did you buy do the course? I research and asked people if they bought & and benefited from all these supposed complex healing courses, I have found NONE yet that actually got any benefit out of one size fits all courses made for the masses not individuals and each individuals unique experiences. People praise in the comments, saying,'You changed my life, but go back to them few months later, they exactly back where they started or worse before going and taking instructions from a stranger they've never met!
I like the way you referred to it as a viral infection. That exactly what it felt like after I left my ex. I was physically sick and had a red rash on my body which eventually went away
I feel like you are saving my life every time I watch one of your videos. Things are finally making some sense. Thank you so much for doing this, it helps me understand a lot better why therapy has not been working (as you said making things worse!). You explain things very clearly. Again, thank you SO much.
It's unvalidated pain because no-one gets why you're sooo distressed and you're making a fuss about a break up. I'm indebted to the Institute of Relational Harm Reduction who i found 15 years ago, led by Sandra L Brown. I am so pleased to see younger therapists ' getting ' this, and putting this info out in the world to more people. ❤
After years of this confusing and devastating relationship I reached a point of psychological suicide. I have 3 kids, so suicide is certainly not an option, but I heard a voice that said: "If you are going to survive this, YOU are going to have to disappear." I thought this was a suicidal thought, but at that same time it was as if I was at the edge of a cliff and had the choice to jump. Terrifying. 3 months later it happened again and this time I jumped. I was dying. I was asking God to take me now, because I'm out... After that I had no more desire for anything. No past no future, nothing but the present was real and it actually felt amazing. So free. Absolutely nothing mattered and everything was fine...That lasted about 2 weeks and the mess crept back in. Anyone experience something similar?
It’s been 16 years since I annulled my marriage to my narcissistic ex. I had unknowingly been married to a bigamist for fourteen years and once I learned the truth I got out quickly because I’d had a preview of the rest of my life. As I began watching this video the memories came rushing in of the days I honestly felt trapped in my own body and was on the inside looking out. Healing/Recovery has been as you said “one hell of a ride” and I’m thankful for the lessons of the journey.
Thank you, Richard Grannon. Your work and explanation of it are outstanding. When I catch you LIVE, I know it's information (and humor) that I need to hear at that moment.
Juat like previous comments Very very grateful for uploading this and your consistent content and hard work in this subject Very very rare in today content . You save many lives
All your videos have helped me, but this one! This is Incredible !! tysm, I think I'm starting to heal now, God bless anyone going thru this, keep being the beautiful person you are, don't give up, there is life after npd abuse, I am so grateful because I also have a support network. Thank you Richard I don't have the words to express my gratitude ❤️🙏
My mums lack of self was she lost her husband. My brother's wife showered her with the love of herself and her kids. But then when mum got cancer, all that love was turned off. When mum said no to paying off their mortgage, she stoppepd talking to mum and i. We thought we knew her. Now we're both recovering. Mum just wanted an answer as to Why were you so cold. We were both used and abused and my brother still lacks the character to explain why. For someone as loving and generous as my mum, its the cruellest thing ive ever experienced and witnessed. Her grandkids meant the world to her. Now we rarely see them. We no longer provide any benefit to them apparently.
It’s a horrible place to be but fight your way out. A few years on, I really like how much more confident I am than I ever was before. Just saying as encouragement I hope. A lot of it thanks to Richard.
You’ve just made the last six years so clear for me in the most beautiful, sad, subtle way. I am so relieved to hear what’s I’ve been feeling for so long but unable to put into words, in words!
This is amazing content. The most validating point for me was the fact that the abuse is not post but present. Am so sick of well meaning advice that says it's in the past so just forget about it!
Dearest Richard, thank you for your work on this subject! You keep evolving, and so have I....You have really helped me heal from all of this. I first found you in 2017 and I didn't even know NPD people exist, or that I was wrapped up in their matrix. You have really helped me understand this phenomena and heal from it. This is a great short intro for newbies, I went through every single stage you are describing here. THanks for your courage in putting the work out here for us to heal by, I have really done a lot of healing from the abuse and I am much better now. You are awesome, God Bless You! ♥
Thankyou Richard, Id been struggling with fawning/ruminating and then being so annoyed with myself for still doing this. But your explanation of fawning as a echo of NPD and mirroring- with an explanation of interjects/fractures makes perfect sense, so then re- tuning will be a damn sight easier now, thanks again.
Thanks for the work you are doing on this topic it has helped a lot. My mother is a narcissist and has controlled my dad and us for far too long and I have recently, thanks to you, identified it and confirmed it and I am so grateful. I now need to manage her using some of your methods and reduce my emotional responses. Cheers Richard ❤
Fantastic insights, thank you Richard! You are a born Professor and your inspiration helps so many souls in pain through the process of healing with aknowledgement.🙏🏻❤
Thank you Richard for this (again!) clear explanation of what happens to you in a longterm narcissistic relationship… and how to recover from it. You are one of the best 🙏❤🙏
Thank you Richard...its so wonderful that you keep creating new courses as you learn more and integrate it all...i wish i could take one of your courses but in the meantime I appreciate your videos and that your still putting out new content. You have gotten me through many a rough sea and i appreciate you!! Cheers!
Was new material presented here? It’s possible that my brain 🧠 has turned to mush today but I think I’m understanding your new course to be a focus on how to break the mirroring, fracturing and cognitive dissonance aspects of narcissistic abuse, correct? Thanks for your work. 🌠
This has been VERY helpful. I was beating myself up really badly for the mirroring of those traits, but I undersrand a little more now, that it was "necesarry" for survival.
Mate you are freaking awesome, thank you for helping .. I felt like I was going mad for 10 years until a violent discard. You put this into perspective so well . The ptsd is horrific and paralysing.
I didn't know that "emotional flashback" was already a term of art. Thank you for affirming what I tried to explain to myself & friends about what I experienced.
I think its stored in a different part of the brain, close to the amygda. That's why it usually triggers release of adrenalin. Fight or flight response.
Mr Grannon, I've really learnt a lot from your lessons but I'm finding that I keep having emotional flashbacks watching them so I'm doing some therapy soon and I'm going to be having a break from your awesome classes. I'll be back learning as soon as I've fixed what's broken.. stay safe all
Thank you Richard. After I count my pennies I am going to buy your book. It does, however seem to be easier to follow. You are the intellectual and I am the student. Thank you.
I might be in love with you 😂. This explanation and this video has been so helpful and explained in a way I had not heard before since leaving an abusive NPD relationship. Thank you so much!
Thank you Richard , it helps to understand it so much through this healing process its so easy to feel it but not know whats wrong , for me knowing what it is and understanding it makes all the diffrence in the world......the pain is immense i come from a family infiltrated with narcissism , im lucky to get out cause of recovery but still i had kids with a full blown narc , the children are at risk of developing the personality of they dont understand they go for whoever dominates them its an endless cycle, information like this is what helps break the cycle , i wish their were support groups, cause survivors need the support, they lose so much , i know i did but without understanding we are lost...ty so much Richard
Nearly 35 yrs of this. And I took it because I focused on the good parts. Then he dropped me like hot potato and out of the blue and in a real with someone else already after 34.5 yrs married to me. I was a good wife. But I gave up everything to be with him and fund everything he wanted. I lost myself.
You break it all down for me I was loosing my mind I’m getting bright colorful clarity thank you it’s been 5 years separated and I still feel it in my body # flashbacks wow I’m healing ❤️🩹
Interesting. Like emotional contagion, for example contagious depression, but contagious NPD instead. Sounds like a bigger mindf*ck than originally appreciated and provides lots of fuel for therapy. Thanks for the explanation.
Richard I must say, that exasperated almost "my god this is just too much" _laugh and micro expression_ that slips out at 21:03 is one of the most authentic and wonderfully vulnerable moments I've seen. Much respect.
It’s a shame. If I’d accepted the truth shared at the seminar a little sooner, I could have saved myself some pain. And I know I have strayed, in some way, but I am feeling a little stronger, so I will fight and turn to face the truth. I’ll do the work :) None of us can afford to stay frozen out of life. This is not the time!
Yes like the mirror world that teenage actress Jennifer Connelly wen't into in David Bowie's film "The Labyrinth." He offers her everything, but it's an illusion. Fantastic video. Thanks Richard dude.
0:29 there is this whistling sound that sounded just like my NPD parent used to whistle to me. It freaked the sh**t out of me - I had to rewind twice to make sure it came from the video and not my brain.
I think you have explained what happens to the victim really well here, and it is positively comforting to know that one is not insane (yet) but that we must exert enough willpower to believe in our true self and put that before the belief in the Narc. That we are enough on our own and these relationships do not validate us.
Richard, can you do a video about how to find a healthy person to have in your life? I don’t know what magnet is in my heart to attract one narcissist after another 😭
There's stuff about "Human Magnet Syndrome" U might want to take a look about it. They prey upon characteristics that involve empathy and good qualities, kinda like that your light blinds them and they seem it as a mission to try to extinguish it and get other meaningful stuff (narc supply), while doing it... 🤢
NPD intraject wow I’m going through this right now even after we split up four years ago. So amazing I know know why and what is happening with the devil on my shoulder
i already had CPTSD before i met her and was at my lowest i had been for several years and i knew she was sick i didnt know how sick and how sick i was am and she totally told me everything i needed to hear , i knew and yet i stayed , fawning right so insane and the pain is fuckin amazing.
I’m going thru a personal crisis after breaking up with my ex. She was an exploitative, manipulative, humiliating, agressive woman. I’ve been smoking since I met her after been a healthy, marathon runner. God help me. Please, help me.
The pain and damage from my narc mum is immense . I find it very hard to self regulate I also have no self esteem and suffer with anxiety I have just realised loud voices and noise triggers memories I didn’t realise till now my mum had a very loud voice . Going no contact has helped but the damage is still there a lot of tears for me and my mum cause I can’t get her to love me . She hates me and I’m angry and can’t forgive her. 😢thank you Richard
