Took a dad "boot camp" prior to the first born, and the best tip in that for the anger was put a mirror in the area you are most likely to get angry or "over-it", i.e. near the crib, changing table, etc. The idea was that no one likes the way they look when they are angry, it gives you a moment to take stock on what your baby sees and makes you realize it's not the person you want to be. I found it very helpful in the stressful times. Now with the second kiddo, it helps even more to know everything is momentary, but the I still find myself with the mirror trick at night.
I do something similar in that I ask myself in my mind if getting angry will change the outcome of the situation. 99% of the time getting angry will not change anything other than making a situation worse. It takes a while in the beginning but once I kept doing it internally, it became 2nd nature.
I really would like to see more of this content. I was about to skip over this but glad I didn't! I love seeing tips and other content from other Dad's.
love your content man, me and my wife watch your videos. we had our first child last year and your videos helped/helping us alot. Plus, the podcast that you do are the best. I listen to it while working and i get a lot of information/inputs from other dad as well. I really appreciate your work. Keep it up.
Great list. I also find the very quick "it's okay", "you're okay" response to a kid falling over, hurting themselves, being upset, etc. is a very dated approach. Much more modern to check with your child and ask how they are feeling and have them explore that than to brush it all off and minimize their feelings.
Apparently the mastitis treatment guidelines have just recently changed. No upside-down breastfeeding positions, no excessive squeezing, no extra pumping
I'm generally a patient, chill guy so realizing that I had to actively manage my baby frustrations - particularly when sleep-deprived - came as a surprise. Being angry at your wailing baby is such a ridiculous feeling that just leaves you feeling so low after. It really is something for which you have to prepare.
I appreciate your honesty and self-reflection here. It's really important for us all to realize this! However we "know" ourselves to be normally, we can't know how we'll be in our most stressful moments until we're there. But! We can prepare as best you can, familiarize ourselves with likely scenarios, learn new tools - even if we think "other people might need those, but not me." And it's never too late to start over, change your mood/attitude, apologize, learn a new way to handle a situation, or ask for help.
The 1st tip is something to keep in mind, aggression is a quick easy go to. Wish it was handled better when younger, now getting therapy to help balance things while raising LO
Thankfully, I've heard of these things before. Or NOT to do this things. I think the only one I hadn't heard was not letting the child cry it out. But fortunately, my wife and I were incredibly lucky with our daughter in that she never had a problem with sleeping. The biggest thing we had is that she kept want to roll over on her tummy, but didn't know how to roll back over on her back. Perhaps whenever we have a second child this might be something to think about. Probably won't get lucky twice lol
I don’t blame my parents as I’m sure they did the best they could but there are definitely a few things on this list so far I will not be doing to my child. Good list
First off, love your channel and your videos have been a great resource for me in my first year of fatherhood. Like others in the comments here, I do have some objection to you including cry it out in this list, and listening to you speak during that portion of the video it sounds almost as if you yourself are on the fence about it as well. With that said, we got multiple opinions on it from pediatricians as we were having an extremely difficult time getting our infant to sleep, and all had no reservations about CIO. Additionally, the AAP has no reservations or objections to cry it out, and multiple of the pediatricians we spoke to referenced this fact in support of their feelings towards CIO. In my own research, I also read multiple articles that indicated that there were flaws in how some of the studies arguing against CIO were done (small sample sizes, correlation vs causation, etc.). All of this made my wife and I comfortable with using this method with our infant at 4 months and it worked wonders for us. I am not an “advocate” for CIO and I believe every parenting decision is up to the parents themselves to make, but I do feel you have misrepresented CIO a bit in this video. With that said, I do appreciate that you mentioned that there are other methods of sleep training, as sleep training is very much NOT a “one size fits all” process, and I do believe there is not one method that will work for all kids/parents. What works for one kid may not work for another and that’s perfectly acceptable. I would hope that parents could take that perspective towards more aspects of parenting. Ultimately it’s all about ensuring your child is safe, healthy and thriving.
I agree with this request. With everything, it's best to do our own research and decide from there, so I would love to learn more! Especially the claim about cry it out (which I think he's referring to extinction sleep training) since there's also studies that debunk the claim of long term effects. We did Feber Method and it was great for us and my child (2 years old) is thriving and sleeps so well. I would also say that it all depends on what works for your family. If your baby is needing more help falling asleep and the sleep interruptions for the caretakers aren't causing tension in the family then that's what works for them
Here are some helpful links - Spanking bit.ly/3ZssJ2F bit.ly/3Z9S5mc Forward Facing at 2 years bit.ly/3ZqlbgM Being Overly Critical bit.ly/3KEXUDM bit.ly/3KGlqQM Cry it Out Fight or flight instincts activating without comforting physical touch: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7981480/ Response to a 2020 study that concluded there were no harmful effects of CIO: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33608871// Finish Every Bite bit.ly/2NUlNu5 (Not peer reviewed)
The overwhelming reply to telling people we won't be spanking our child of "well I was spanked and I turned out fine" is exhausting. Like, I'm not looking to give my kids a "fine" childhood. I want to give them an incredible childhood. I want them to be the absolute best they can be.
Graco car seats absolutely suck. I have four kids and I gave up on Graco two kids ago. Chico is not only a more solid car seat, it's much more user friendly with adjusting straps and installing and removing. Costs more, sure does. But it's worth every penny. Our fourth child is sleeping the besy if all of them, because we ket him cry more than the previous. Of course all kids are different but kids are very smart and know when crying brings positive attention.
got spanked.. worked wonders and i was terrified to upset or disappoint my folks. then i got used to it and they took my games away. It was TERRIBLE lol... regarding eat it all. i now wont eat certain foods and became a picky eater.
All of these tips were AWSOME! They are all so true..My mom was forced to eat fish as a kid, therefor never giving me fish as a kid. And forcing someone to eat is just stupid, most kids eat what they need in most cases, if kids grow as normal forcing them is just wrong. Cry it out for small, tiny babies is just cruel! They have no idea about anything, they dont even know they have feet yet, how people can think that babies can sutte them selfs and knowing how to before they know about their own feet is just stupid for people to think. I am a future mom (Hoping for a rainbow baby) and I could not agree more! Spanking or any kind of violent behavior towards children of any age is just something that hurts the kid, some for life!
I believe this was the study the dove into the fight or flight instincts activating without comforting physical touch: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7981480/ This was published in response to a 2020 study that concluded there were no harmful effects: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33608871//
How do you know the difference between the child actually being full and the kid just saying there are full because they either don't want to eat what is in front of them or would rather go play instead of staying at the table to finish their food? In my experience this is much more common than the child actually being full and you are leaving yourself open to being manipulated if you just take their word for it.
Me - "You're full bud? Cool. Wanna finish with a couple Oreos?" Henry - "YEAH!" Me - "So you're not full?" Henry - "..." Me - "Show me you can get a few more bites, yeah?" That's my very unscientific (and probably wrong) approach for that lol
@@dadverb Thank you for your response, it is a tricky one. I will try that although I don't know how effective it would be long term once the child has learned that it is a trick question.
When we’re in this situation we try to trust the child and provide natural consequences. For example, if she’s hungry after getting up from the table we’ll say, “X meal is done the next time for food is at snack time. Do you want some water while you wait?” Eventually she’ll understand that the opportunity to eat is at meal time and snack time. Note: this works for us in all the best conditions. If we’re out or traveling things aren’t this specific. We also try creative techniques to interest her in new foods that we offer. For example we ask her how many peas can you poke with your fork? is your carrot crunchy or soft? Let me see your green bean mustache. We also do a lot of modeling and low pressure scenarios. “You don’t have to eat it. That’s what’s available, it’s up to you.“ As long as she is interacting with the food in someway and sees us eating the same thing, 90% of the time it ends up in her mouth. Hope this helps!
Spanking is effective at certian ages i think. But you cant just start it out of no without confusion being expected. Parenting in general, leadership in expectations and understanding of "why" things can and cant be are most important.
Spanking with the purpose of discipline and well-being of a child has been a method of teaching since the dawn of time, to say its wrong is irresponsible. The key difference is why its done, and to distinguish between appropriate discipline levels and flat out child abuse. That is why the stigma is so negative to spanking because of the way media has portrayed the idea of physical discipline. Science is great but lets not allow science to overtake common sense.
Just because something has been done for a long time doesn’t mean it’s good. Spanking has been around since the dawn of time and so have the negative effects of it. Common sense is taking new information and learning from it, not continuing to do something harmful.
@andrewcook5192 still taking it for face value...again not entirely true. I was disciplined, never abused, and the same as millions of others who grew up grateful on learning life lessons. Tough love is not negative love. Try to disprove the millions of people who were disciplined and are successful individuals, common sense. Don't get caught up in all the scientific facts ect ect. Its your choice to raise your kids how youd like, all i was saying is making a generalized statement on discipline is adding to societies stereotype due to the way its portrayed, similar to what your comment. Distinguish between discipline and abuse.
@@cristhian61942 just because many people turned out okay doesn’t negate that many people don’t. Many babies survived through things we now know are unsafe sleep practices, but we no longer do those things because there is a risk of death. We learn something can be dangerous and we move forward to safer practices. There are other methods of discipline that don’t carry the same risks and are equally or more effective.
Do you have links to the studies that show the negative side effects to ferber method of sleep training. From my research, there are recent studies that show no negative long-term effects to "cry it out", so i think its more inconclusive then you're making it out to be.
Can anyone link the studies mentioned? I haven’t heard of cry it out causing long term damage. I don’t hit my kid, but I’m curious about the spanking study. It seems wildly unethical to do a randomized control experiment of spanking. But at the same time, the correlation could go the other way. Kids who are more prone to behavioral issues are more likely to be spanked by parents.
Here are some helpful links - Spanking bit.ly/3ZssJ2F bit.ly/3Z9S5mc Forward Facing at 2 years bit.ly/3ZqlbgM Being Overly Critical bit.ly/3KEXUDM bit.ly/3KGlqQM Cry it Out Fight or flight instincts activating without comforting physical touch: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/7981480/ Response to a 2020 study that concluded there were no harmful effects of CIO: pubmed.ncbi.nlm.nih.gov/33608871// Finish Every Bite bit.ly/2NUlNu5 (Not peer reviewed)
With all I've learned my kid assumes that all my deepest worries must be his cartoons. Still I'll try to tell him of the things I've don't to relate it to what he can do when he becomes a man. And still, he'll stick his fingers in the fan. Don't be surprised if it don't all go as you plan.
Stop lecturing as if you possess the wisdom of a seasoned parent. Your journey has only just begun, making it absurd for you to proclaim valid insights on the relevance and long term implications of different parenting methodologies. Also, as someone bearing a master's degree in psychology, an educational route grounded in the absorption and analysis of studies akin to those you reference, I can confidently attest that none of them are unequivocal, with most exhibiting inherent flaws.
"Me have masters degree. Me right. You wrong." Everyone is entitled to provide advice. It is the job of the people absorbing the knowledge they receive to investigate and learn which parts of said knowledge they chose to put into practice.
I think it really is a matter of how you do it and depending on your child’s development. If cry it out is a result of you forcing a sleep pattern after 4 month an 1 day (I am exaggerating of course), then it is indeed selfish and potentially harmful… much like overeating. But it also (I think) can also depend on how long you can breast feed. Our firstborn really enjoyed being close to mommy so all the “soft” methods really failed even if we wanted them to succeed badly. In the end - and I feel what is said in the video - it was really hard for us but in the end what worked was a mix of Ferber, Camp it out and cry it out to get us over the hurdle. Being a mindful as possible but it began to become unhealthy for mom and child with the interrupted sleep pattern after almost 1yo. So looking back I really am certain that it really is the point of overcoming the old patterns is hard on both parents and child on any method (and even the softer ones have that, they just package it nicely for sales) and as long as you are caring and loving in the process it’s gonna be okay.
I think this video is a good one. It starts a conversation whether parents agree or not with these methods. Regardless of statistics, families will do what they believe is best with the information they have at the moment. That looks different for every single family and even every single child! My hope is that whoever is reading this finds what works best for their family as soon as they can or has found it already! ❤
@@mikaeladelvalle9588 of course Mikaela well stated. Your first statement however said that it starts a conversation. This topic has been conversed excessively and is one of the most controversial which is why we are here now. There is no answer, thus my opinion that I do not agree with his keyword opinion.
@@DanielDNY89 you're also rambling, every technique involves cry it out to some extent or another. People always associate cry it out with extinction which is what the method is really called. The publisher just used the wrong word and / or left adjectives out.
@@llamabeanz I am so sorry Marcus I didn’t realize I posted on your specific comment! You are right at that! These topics have been exhausted by parents and professionals alike. Everyone has their own cup of tea for all of these methods. What I wanted to better explain was that it starts up an older conversation in the sense that a lot of new parents, like myself, sometimes are intimidated to even mention topics like these that have already had every single opinion possible applied against it. Topics like these regardless if controversial should be discussed generation to generation! But nonetheless I appreciate you also expressing that you DONT agree. I feel like on videos especially child development related not a lot of people can respectfully state that they disagree. :)
Sorry man but I have to say I disagree with number 1. Spanking and 4. Cry it out. I believe that every child is different and will respond better to different things. There are many forms of discipline. One child may respond to spanking whereas another doesn't but does to verbal reprimand. One child may respond to crying it out to sleep whereas another needs to be soothed to sleep. A square peg will not fit a round hole.
Letting babies cry it out is child abuse, crying increases work of breathing and secretion and it's too much for their little bodies, is it that bad for you to offer your presence for them to let them know they are safe and secure? they haven't been in the world long enough to know they're supposed to just shutup and sleep, it's the parent's job to ease them to sleep! these type of parents are questionable really
@jhref everyone is entitled to their own opinion and I will respect yours. Not everyone has to parent their children a certain way. Everyone will parent their children as they feel is best.
@@tigercruz3559 I don't think I've ever heard of a child dying from a parent letting them cry it out for 15 or 20 minutes. If there has been a case, please link it and I will stand corrected. Also please understand that I don't mean a two day old baby, a one month old, or even a three month old. Once the child is in the six month realm, IT'S OK to let them cry it out for a short amount of time. They don't need to be coddled 24/7 to survive.
