Check out the conversation I had with Marcus on your "Long Term Single" video, btw I absolutely love listening to you, its so nice to feel understood :)
As an INFJ, one lesson I had to learn is that others do not see what we see. It can be plain as day to us, but they are not wired to be able to see it. As I was growing up, I thought that people saw what I did and made choices against it. I thought the world was much darker until I learned how special the few of us really are. Thank you, Wenzes!
I've told my short story about this exact subject a few times in these videos. I have literally too a few people, let's go for a 5 min. Trip across town, and I will have shown them with their own eyes what I know is true. They literally, all 5 of them, said "no, I can't see that now" and walked away. I feel sorry for them, if only they would have said "yes" they would have seen the power of truth and love that I have witnessed.
Yup the things that are natural for us since childhood can be new to some people in their 60'. It's strange but I've slowly came to terms with it after initially being shocked how dumb people are.
It has a devastating effect on others when they realize what all good they have lost when we withdraw. In a way we use our positive traits against them. And who wants to lose something positive?
I had a good friend of 35 years. This happened in our 20s. She had gotten into the habit of introducing me to others by my name fallowed by "he's my gay friend". I spoke with her multiple times about this but it did nothing to stop her from doing this. Then I "once" introduced her as "my middle aged hag that can't keep a boyfriend". Interesting, I only had to say this once to make the point. We are no longer friends, she broke an agreement we had after holding that agreement over my head to control and manipulate me for over 6 years. When she broke that agreement I decided I was done and haven't spoken with her sense 2015.
The difference being that by calling her a “hag” you actually insulted her, versus her just accurately defining someone. I’m not saying what she did was cool, I AM saying, however, that the personal insult on your part was a little over the top just to make a point.
@@liz9284 The fact is that he *specifically and repeatedly* asked her not to introduce him in this manner, making it very clear that he found it hurtful and uncomfortable. If my friend was doing that, I would take it as huge, direct, public insult. I fail to see how that was over the top. Trust me, he could have done far worse if he wanted to go nuclear, but INFJs don't tend to like spectacle.
Don't cross an infj, you will lose a true friend. Best revenge is your own success, in this case minimize confrontation tho its so tempting especially since we see other people's problems 😉, this will usually happen in the stage we still try to fix things before a doorslam. Great video💪❤️.
When I was younger I felt badly about knowing what I could do to hurt someone else with precision that others didn't have. I do not remember ever using it, but that power felt scary to me when I was young.
This is all very, very true. But once again, people often cannot see this and it's a waste for everyone. It's really a pity because very often, if only they could see that we genuinely have no desire to hurt them or "get revenge", they would just be more relaxed about it. And everyone would be better off. People often freak out for no reason, because they feel threatened that I can "see" them through their mask. Yet but they cannot see, is that I am one of the few people who will still love them, and respect them IN SPITE of having seen through their mask and their insecurities. Whereas the other people, those they choose to hang out with because they are more superficial and feel "safer".... In reality, they will only ever like a fake image of them. And this will keep them in this terror of their true self being revealed. We really ARE good allies to have, because truly, we never mean harm. If someone truly did me wrong and I lose all respect for them, I won't try to hurt them, I'll just stop paying attention to them altogether.
Being an INFJ made me a better therapist , I travelled far & wide . Being an INJF friend sucked big time . It hurt me more than my old friends when I severed relationships due to constant abuse I let slide over the years . Once I pushed through that the emotional freedom was divine . I have never felt so free ❤
I think you’re absolutely right - we are so often underestimated, because our aggression isn’t usually obvious on the surface, it takes provocation. I think it would be good to define what we mean by “cross” though. Does it mean betrayal? Antagonism? Generally my challenge as an Infj is not that I experience much of this kind of drama in my life, where I feel someone is actively working against me… but rather that I simply feel alone and misunderstood.
@@matilda4406 Well, when someone asks my opinion and won't let me tell which one it is...because I take my time to form it. When someone has me changing gears as if I didn't make the effort to elaborate the answer or to reflect. Makes me run out of consideration with them Feels so disappointing and makes me feel unimportant in their eyes. So...I won't care to express myself in front of them anymore.
What is my experience with people that have crossed me? My "no contact" way of handling them and their foolishness has left them without my support and/or assistance. Like the "door slam". Then, they have to find someone else to go to, or, they have to deal with it on their own. If I "wallow in the mud" with them, then they feel powerful. It's when I "leave them on their own", is when they learn that they should not have crossed me. I feel like us INFJ's have high behavior standards and good communication skills. That makes others jealous and unnecessarily intimidated. They too can exhibit good behavior and communication skills as well. It's a choice.
*5* *Reasons* *you* *should* *Never* *Cross* *an* *INFJ* 1. 0:49 The INFJ does not want conflict, rather, they desire harmony (unpredictable reaction "out of the blue") 2. 2:09 The INFJ knows exactly where it hurts (they pick-up on insecurities even though they normally allow "live-and-let-live" - unless provoked) 3. 4:22 You will loose your biggest potential supporters (the INFJ desires win-win evolution) 4. 5:44 The power dynamic will shift (INFJ nature is to allow people to feel the best vs. having the rug pulled out by INFJ) 5. 7:11 You will loose the appreciation that and INFJ has for you (from a default of appreciation to a new less positive respect)
I cut off all of my unhealthy relationships when I moved away from my hometown and a decade later a number of them are still convinced “I’m the one” despite knowing nothing about me anymore. I always find it bizarre but maybe this aspect of being an INFJ explains it.
The power shift has always been the most overwhelming thing for me. Yes I love making others feel comfortable in themselves, but on the few I've blown up on...I've immediately realized that my comfortable was hiding amongst others egos. I feel threatened when im big
My biggest surprise is how surprised THEY are to get the warmth withdrawn, the blunt, precise and hurtful truth deployed and silence from then on 🥶 Everyone who copped that treatment had done everything to earn it yet they never saw it comin' 😱 Guess we don't do warning shots since as you say, we hold it in until we pop 💥
I can see this in the INFJs in my world. As an ESTP, I prefer to give people who crossed me a taste of their own medicine. And if they are upset with me I use their own words to explain my actions or I send a copy of their own text message. As soon as it sinks in they look desperate like a sad heap of ash because they realize the nasty person in front of them is just a mirror image of themselves.
Absolutely 100% Wenzes! I’ve had more people disappoint me, and cause their own loss of access to me, than I have been the one too just walk away. But if I just simply walk away…Do not try to follow and antagonize…It will end up really badly. Hope you’re having an amazing day my friend! 🙂🌹❤️👍🏼
As an INFJ, I was bullied as a kid and even as an adult. But my bullies ended up regretting it because I could see right through their insecurities and gave them a taste of their own medicine
So right. I am generaly pretty easy going and it takes a lot for me to lose my temper and I will usually try and avoid those people in the future wjo are bad tempered or trouble makers.
It was my experience for a long time that everybody could get angry at me or be blunt and to the point with me. But they would get very bent out of shape and even freak out when I got fed up and angry and let them know it. A couple of times I thought some of them were going to go into existential meltdowns. I always wondered why it was that way. Your video showed me exactly why it was that way. Thanks for this message. I needed it.
I know right! I know a a couple of people that couldn't handle it when I was fed up with them. They brought it upon themselves though. They were given many chances already and chose to continue with their ways
Everything that you have mentioned. It is absolutely true... the other side: if I have wronged another and the truth is told to me, I listen, analyse and make a decision of change. When the feedback is authentic, even if it is not good, I appreciate because it is a way to learn, to grow...I am thankful.
After 6 decades I can no longer stand to make myself look small, dumb, naive, needy in order for others to feel better about themselves and “above” me. List of my friends is getting smaller and smaller…
There is a story I always remember from the series Xena:Warrior Princess, as the hero had to let the anti-hero die in quick sand because every time Xena showed mercy, the villianess, killed more people that xena cared about. She died, went to tartaras learned to forgive, was hand plucked by the arch angles from hell, to become a saint, and be reborn as xenas "no man needed" birth of her reincarnation. I think of that every time, I am forced to let them pay for thier decisions.
I always wonder why I have no interest in possessions that can bought. A brand new vehicle, big beautiful house, expensive jewelry and just anything of monetary value are all nothing. People often ask eachother what they would spend the lottery money on if they win and I honestly have no answer to what I would buy myself. I would not want my mind to ever change and hope it doesn't, toward my feelings on material possessions. If a fountain of youth existed, I'd never drink a drop and that's the truth. The older I get the more amazing the world around me truly is and I am sure if I live to be an old man, that I will see a beautiful truth worth more than all the worlds gold. I've really really tried very hard to not only explain, but to literally show a few people what I know is true and they could see with their own eyes! And they literally said no, and walked away from it. Maybe the truth scared them, I don't know. Maybe it would prove their own family and society had lied to them all their life and they did not want that proof.
Yes I am guilty of getting back at someone who crossed me. And it was like you said life changing to them. But I was more immature then. I would never do that now that I know better. It's better to just let it go and walk away, and never look back.
Quilting does little different for me was I don't appreciate people. That all right away. I learned at a very young age that they should earn my appreciation. Sad that's why people are.
Thank you Wenzies, I saw the real side of my bestie, we are no longer friends. She has cried to my daughter and doesn't know what she did to end our friendship, she got my door slam. Sorry not sorry. She went to far.
😂 thank you! Totally on. I’ve recently learned I’m an INFJ so I didn’t know unsheathing my machete when forced, was part of my personality. I really appreciate your videos. I’ve been binge-ing them for a few days. 🙏💜
INFJ'S have Ti in their third slot when they are in that mode Ti helps them to detach so they don't get overly emotional or offended but they get strategic in how to handle the situation never the less with Ti it will help them pars out someone's logic and door slam that is what a true INFJ would do if they are crossed by someone .
the pain is unbearable and unfathomable. HOW THE FUCK COULD HE DO THIS TO ME? HOW? HOW DOES HE NOT MISS ME? HOW COULD HE JUST THROW AWAY OUR CONECCTION? HOW HOW HOW HOW HOW??? I die, absolutely die in the grief. the waves of grief come crushing me. CONSUMING ME!! leaving me unable to breathe. drowning in darkness. one moment I'm okay. the next I'm in panicked despair. how could my best friend do this to me? abandon and betray me, and discard me like garbage? how? how could he so easily replace me with another? my heart is shattered; my soul is raped. rage and grief: torment and torture me, leaving me breathless...
Can you possibly do a video on too many infj doorslams and the effects of them? I have done it a handful of times in the past for the most hurtful parts in my life, but I feel like at this point of my life, even if someone does something good I'll simply cut them off and not bother and I don't know why. It's quite concerning to me that its becoming easier for me to detach myself from everyone, and now everything
INFJs love to give souls opportunities and to open up and thrive and be their best. We can see the potential of what they could be, how forces align and support them. We hold our breathe and wait, hoping they have the integrity and courage to step up. We give them space to realize they are in a special place and to find their own footing. Some souls are just "Nah. We are having none of that and bow out of the game." Huge disappointment and cheerleaders from the sides might walk away realizing their potential champion is a dud. The other thing is we do not want to tell souls what we want them to be, how to play the game, what are the next moves. That means that opportunists, grifters, con-artists, booty-users find a ticket to an easy ride and exploit by "playing the violin" on their conquest until they are bored and shed them to the discard pile. So the challenge is for souls to understand what the challenge is, to see the breadth and depth of what could be, if only. Then step back and wait and observe. Which souls have figured out the game? Which souls have (through God/divine providence/universe affirmation) the bandwidth and space to step up and do the necessary? Can those souls survive the gauntlet of becoming power/fame hungry wanna be's, or being co-opted and corrupted by sociopaths? There is a need for a part of the journey to be done by an individual, without the guidance, stamp of approval, or patronage of another. Sometimes that might mean isolation, loss of rank, scorn and ridicule. But in these trials the dross and chaff are burnt away. Those with good seed, firm resolve, genuine commitment and courage, integrative and nurturing/redeeming intelligences are forged. The corrupt, greedy, deceitful, wasteful, cruel, sociopathic are swept away - their foundations built on shifting sands and unsustainable and unable to stand firm in storms. Conversely, the brave warriors, the genuinely compassionate, the visionaries and nurturers, includers and healers, ensure they are on firm foundations and work to ensure they can help the souls around them. INFJs love souls who can work independently and forge their own paths. They despise those who see this as a bragging point and abdicate from nurturing the overall wellbeing and posturing over their personal power and authority. Even if their family, society, nation, species, ecosystems, or biosphere are reeling or collapsing. My theory is that many of the transcendental prophets, teachers, visionaries, philosophers, or inspirers are Sigma INFJs. These are the neurodivergent that when systems have been compromised and are at threat of collapsing due to environmental disregard, corruption and greed, aggression and deceit - simply step up and offer the healthy alternative visions. It is the INFJs who come up with the redeeming, nurturing paradigms. A large part of that is recognizing the gonad points of the complacent and cruel in authority and hitting them hard so they are sent reeling. They have been hurt, mocked, and ridiculed. They huff and puff, but we all know that it is a gonad wound, and there is simply no sympathy from the righteous or those who care about life. They thought they "owned the game" and could intimidate and control and mock with impunity. Sigma INFJs response is "Game on *ches. Threaten us with hell? Watch what we can do to you. BTW, our ratings are going up as all the sensible souls from all the nations, religions, and philosophies are cheering for the "Life Matters" team. You are losing your acolytes as their females die from pregnancy misadventures and others are repulsed by your cruelty and corruption." Ezekiel 22:5 Those who are near and those who are far away will mock you, you infamous city, full of turmoil.
Just as our creativity can be used for imagination and Beauty it can also be used for revenge and pain. The phrase silent but deadly is the only way to describe an infj who has been crossed.
I n my experience I feel I give out warning signs . I try to talk it out tell how I feel but when I get pushed time and time another side comes out and then I get that look 👀 like “ what’s this all about “
To be an INFJ is to be a hermit, it's almost like friendships have time limits. I think this may be our own fault though, we're so sneaky by nature, I expect authenticity from people but also don't give them a true face until my opinion of them is challenged. I'm just trying to be kind :/
The power dynamics shift is so true. I have deep love for my best friend and my love language is being both a servant and a submissive. Though, hypothetically, lets say she were to become toxic and abusive, I will no longer accept requests or demands (within reason) and I become cold and pragmatic.
I'm am a INFJ' , but I have done something that I am not sure if I can fix it. My ability to see everyone's lies and just how dishonest they they are or just the real person that I am speaking with. I really want to leave things more about myself and help others that I do know can use the help that I am sure that I can give them. Even if they don't want me help we'll that's ok because I do know that I am not going to be able to help everyone, but I can be there if they change their minds. I have been watching alot of INFJ' videos and I can see that I have just 2 people to who I do watch both of their videos. They are both very good at what they are doing for us INFJ' but without their videos they would have me lost and I would not know where to go to get education and knowledge of the life of the INFJ'. I really like the videos that you lunch but I am not able to do everything else that you have asked for us to do as far as getting in on your classes and buying the auto package that you offer. I really wish I could get it, but I live right now on a budget and I have a problem starting something new to try and make extra income. Because I am gearing that I can get it going and not even half way through this endeavor I will just stop it because I have been dealing with the diagnosis of bipolar disorder, but I think I can over come a lot of this by employmenting ways to recognize my triggers and learning how to slow it down or learn to stop the triggers all together. I've learned so many things about myself this past year and I would love to learn everything that I can about myself and my INFJ' personality type because as I grew as a child I would notice things about myself that I thought were natural I don't say normal because I don't believe in 2 words and they are perfect and normal because how knows normal and there is no such thing as perfect because there is always a mynute small flows in each and everything between the words can truly upset and make others think in a different way about themselves and who says what is perfect or normal because I don't know who but if I could I would eliminate those 2 words from being use in such a general explanation of how a person is or if they are normal guess man or women. Do you see there is something that I don't like about myself see what's happening in this short comment I am all over the place and I don't know why I do this. I just want to leave what there is to know, but I am my own worst energy when it comes to do extremely what I am needing to do to get me to the point that I can begin to really like myself and live my life as I want to live it. Throughout my 54 years of life I for the next part of my life I have been clueless to myself and why I was the way I was. You see the family that I grew up in were not big on education therefore because they never they would not ever initial whitin what we really would need in life to get ourselves together life and many other educational experience. I love learning things and I have found out that I like things that I had never known. Leaving for me started out bad and I had never been given the opportunity to excel and to become the person that I have always wanted to be. I feel as if I am blocked in a way that I am not able to get around it. I need some advice from someone who knows what I am talking about. If I'm the only one like this I don't know what to do to break down this wall .. I feel of it as a Big Wall of Fear. It is hard for me to overcome my fear and it is Fear of failure and I know that it I never more forward I've already fealed because not trying and just not doing what I know that I have to do and get pissed before I am going to be able to go anywhere else in my life because of this. It's been a problem for me for some time now but I have no idea how to get this broken down and moved out of my way through to the other side where I am sure that I will be able to take those first few steps that I have to take before I am able to move a head in my life. It's weird I am able to say just what it is but clueless as to how do I begin my new path in life with this fear of fear that stands in my way. So where do I start what kind of person could I speak with that may be able to get me through what I am going through. I've begun again and again with always the same result nothing just setting in my same chair wanting to desperately make all of this changes I know that I can make, but why am I so as afraid of the things that I am trying to do,?? Ids it just a fear of change or the fear of not getting it done because I have done things before awhile in the way past. I feel like I know al8t more than I ever have and I do notice that I love learning more new things about anything and everything. I've started watching the way I respond to others and the way I speak now or approach others. Bsck to the learning things I've found out I have a disability of comprehension I am starting to get a little better but I want to know what I have read about applying it to myself and learn to relearning maybe I can just learn this learning things in a new way to learn. I've been trying to listen to the books that I want to read or websites that I am interested in I listen to the words spoken to me and it has made me feel like there is something wrong because I don't learn like the others that are learning things around me. Should I be reaching differently to the way I am learning. I don't see anything that is the matter with it but see I can't read out loud to others if I want to read it is w bih production just to get things set up for me to read. I have a reader for everyone of my electronics. I know that I just need to get over this and live, laugh, love and learn. I should think about some of the things that I have been saying because I do really think I have answered one of my own questions. I won't get iinto it because I need to go but I have learned something today just by hearing myself ask you for advice about a few things, but I know that you are a very smart busy person that needs to stay on corce for yourself. Sorry again like I said it I don't hear from you I get it. I understand.
My "father" destroyed my mother and as a consequence, my brother and I do not continue his line, which made me very happy because I somewhat feel vindicated and my late mother is somewhat being vindicated also. I hope the one who is targeting me since 10 years now will have the same consequences than my "father". I do not want anything to happen to his 2 children for the simple reason they did nothing wrong to me personally but I certainly want his line to be stopped so they would not bring children in this world.
Recently a situation happened where someone told my child a stupid lie.. it snowballed and my baby is very hurt-because they are an empath too. Anyways I’m so mad because it didn’t need to happen and it was stupid. I’m at that crossroads right now and haven’t decided what I’m going to do.
Thank you. I could not have said it better 👏 I HATE conflict. Despite of what anthropologists and psychologists might say, conflict is not natural, let alone healthy. So, I try to understand and accommodate within boundaries, pretend I didn’t understand or noticed… but if the other doesn’t pick the signals I will have given them that something is not right, I just leave without looking back. If I am cornered, I do retaliate without any shred of remorse or care. Symbolically (obviously), my words will crush your skull open, slice your mind and put the pieces all around so that you maybe, just for once, see the situation from other perspectives not just yours, drive the sword into your heart, and leave you to bleed. You should have not disrespected me.
Yeah the appreciation that we have four people . Peoplethat you take for you take that for granted. Do what they really don't realize is. That even if it's something small they'll never get that trust that appreciation that we get off. And I mean never again. She could be in a number or just one I'll topics or just one certain topic. You'll never be able to regain whatever it is like if you Dishonored yourself by breaking our trust. That's a pretty big issue with us you'll never have her trust again no matter what it is.
Affirm I am entering into a powerful new chapter of my life. I am open to receive everything wonderful that life has to offer. ✨✨✨✨✨ Thank you God!!!🕊🕊🕊🕊 Thank you Universe!!!🌌🌌🌌
As an INFJ, i was pretty much bullied all my life by my sister(like actually bully) and i used to hold in all my anger and frustration since i was like a baby- However, it took me 12 years to explode and i ended up threatening my sister by pointing a knife(cutter) to her neck and scolded her in a way that made me sound like an abuser -- i pretty much lost control Im pretty sure i traumatised my sister but at least i dont get bullied anymore😅 I must say that i never knew i was capable of something like this as i was a shy,quiet kid , but at least now i know i gotta share my anger. Else i might do the same…or even worst Thus my message for all the other INFJs out there is…Dont pile your anger, no matter how high your EQ is, once you lose control, you may end up hurting the ones you love
I'm usually the person to be calm when people lose they shit like u could say what ever horse shit u want but I really will sit there and just be chillin I am for my people but when people disregard me or try and play me like I'm stupid ima really tell you bout yourself but majority of the time I really don't surround myself around people who shitty like that ion worry bout the things that don't serve cuz I'm tryna be the best j can be u cross me ima remember that I'll let you live but I'll forever move according ian movin like no push over I live naturally for the better but that don't mean I won't whoop someone ass when the time comes ❗️⛎️
This whole video is completely on point, which as why, as an INFJ- Bonafide INFJ ( I KNOW it ), totally roll with it in full agreement... and, the strange freakin' story of MY ENTIRE LIFE.
Thank you! This is one of your best videos. Could someone please share with me where I can find a group for INFJ's? I live in NYC. Thank you in advance.
