5 Signs It's Silent Abuse, Not Just "Incompatibility" 

Silent abuse is like going through a psychological minefield where you never knowing when the next explosion of self-doubt or anxiety might happen. It’s like the feeling where it’s the calm before the storm everytime.

I rather be alone than be miserable in a relationship!

If it's incompatibility, the breakup will be done with mutual understanding and little to no drama. If it's abuse, the breakup will be close to impossible because you will be made to feel like it's your fault that the two of you aren't compatible. You'll also be made to feel guilty for wanting to leave.

If you keep telling them what you need and what bothers you and nothing changes, they don't respect you.

I still wonder how abuser can live without any regrets knowing that they destruct other people ...

Time stamps 1. 0:52 Nature of behaviour 2. 1:33 Intent of behaviour 3. 2:13 Emotional/ Psychological impact 4. 3:02 Recognizing the issue 5. 3:39 Addressing the issue

I think a mistake a lot of people make when identifying any type of abuse is that they get stuck on the "intent" part. Abusers often gaslight their victims when they abuse them, and tell them that their behaviors are not abusive. The victim gets stuck because they believe the lies. The key that makes gaslighting easier to occur is the belief that their abuser doesn't "intend" to hurt them. I think intent, in this context, is often irrelevant. Abuse is an internal experience by the victim. Intent does not require acknowledgement, or understanding of HOW damaging the behavior is, on the part of the abuser, for it to be abuse. When we think of intent, we think the "do-er" must understand the consequences and effects of their behaviors. However, that's not true. Whether someone understands the effects or not, doesn't change the nature of the behavior. Even if they are "negligent" with their behaviors, and are unaware it is abuse, it is still abuse. My abuser told me OVER and OVER again that I'm "overreacting" and "too sensitive" when they were obviously intending to hurt me. "I was obviously not INTENDING to hurt you!" No, she was. It was clear as day to me, but no one else was present, and then when I'd call it out, she'd gaslight me, and blame me when I'd address the problem in couples counseling. Intent doesn't require acknowledgement on the abusers part. You dont need to wait for the abuser to say "Oh wow, you're right. I AM abusive!" for it to be abuse. Intent can still be present even when the other person is negligent. If you drive your car with your eyes closed and hit and kill someone, you'd be charged with criminally negligent homicide, not 1st degree murder. You may not have intended to kill someone, but the actions you did resulted in a death. Whether or not they intended to "abuse" you, resulted in abuse--it doesn't take "admitting" or "understanding" of the nature of their abusive actions to constitute abuse. Because they will often deny it.

One thing I learned that really helped me to move forward is not to get hung up on whether abuse (primarily emotional abuse in my case) is "intentional" or not. I do believe now that abuse does not need to necessarily be intentional, but even if so, it's important not to get too hung up on trying to figure out if abusive behavior is in fact intentional or not. At the end of the day, abusive behavior hurts the recipient the same, whether intentional or not. So you don't have to force yourself to stick around despite the pain just because you believe, rightly or wrongly, that the person delivering that behavior is doing so without the intent of hurting you.

Sometimes I feel like im so different from others that I can sometimes end up losing hope in myself

This explains most of my grandmas behavior. I'm an autistic man that is having trouble finding work, and my grandma has been guilt tripping and shaming me every time I look like I'm making progress in my life. This can be pursuing my passion, getting a job, going on walks, working out, eating healthy, and almost everything I do. I've found out by now that she's a covert narcissist, and she has often tried to gaslight me in the past. Due to some loans, I'm stuck with no way out from living with her. It's rough, but I'm doing what I can to make it day by day.

WE MISS YOUR VOICE AMANDA!!!

Videos like this, if available decades ago, would have literally changed my life....

I remember my ex and I had perfect compatibility at first. And then slowly I noticed she became somebody I didn’t recognize. I suspect the person I fell in love with never even existed.

In terms of feeling lonely, sometimes people can just reject (which is a harsh but true way of putting it) your compassion, which just mqkes you feel useless

For the first sign, the animation gave me a flashback. My ex would tap my leg in public when I "laughed too hard." That hurt me more than anything else. She was so miserable that she prevented me from laughing, of all things.

I just ended a mentally/psychologically abusive relationship I was in. I feel so much better, almost like I was freed.

And it happens in relationships that aren't necessarily couples or friendships? Like family for example. Because this might be a way to describe me and ny mom's relationship. She's all into guilt-tripping and giving silent treatment whenever she sees fit, despite having talked a lot about it, she doesn't play her part to change the slightest. I'm really so done trying to fix our broken plate.

My own parent is silent abusive and has no regrets doing it knowing too well she ruined my life.

Can you do a video about incompatible relationships? I was more interested in that part

Subscribing since I was in highschool, now I'm a freshman of being a psychology student. I love your channel so much❤

Very educational and well-presented! The comparison between incompatibility and silent abuse using real psychological impacts helps clarify a lot of confusion.

Silent abusers recognize dependance and utilize it for personal gain. Incompatability can often stem from dependance without indulgence from the depended.

My abuser made me out to be the villain because I would communicate that I was hurt. I felt responsible for them forcing me into a situation and put myself in therapy and worked so hard to try and be better, because they made me believe it was my fault. I was the victim, not them. When I asked them why they thought I was responsible, they claimed that it was my choice.... it was never on my terms.

You described my ex-girlfriend in the silent abuse part, she did all those things. She was an emotionally abusive alcoholic who called the police when I broke up with her. She told them I was hitting her when I wasn't. It doesn't matter that it was a total lie, I've been arrested and have to take anger management classes for something I never did. I learned about your channel about a year ago when I started looking up information about her behavioral patterns. I didn't even know what a narcissist was until I met her. I knew the word, not the meaning. From what I can tell, they don't have the capacity for genuinely caring about others. They're good at putting on public displays of pretending to care, but ultimately, they'll throw anyone under the bus the moment it suits them.

Tactics of psychological or emotional manipulation: 1. Gaslighting 2. Passive aggressiveness 3. Withholding affection 4. Guilt-tripping 5. Undermining (eroding) your self-esteem Incompatilibility is not mean to hurt or demean you in any way It is having different interests, values, needs and communication styles I think a lot of people are unknowingly abusive (unaware) and even if you highlight it to them, they may or may not see it as such

I havent watched it yet. Will do. Some thoughts i wanted to share: thank you for educating people on abusive and toxic relationships. Nowadays, i think there are also many female abusers present as it‘s now more easy to blame men. DONT LET YOUR ABUSER GET AWAY WITH IT! I get furious as I think opportunistic women see this as a chance to get away with everything. Domestic abuse (emotional) is something that has to be processed. However, of course it is a general theme. I’m happy people get more access to education so that they can get help & break free. You are strong ❤

I love your videos. I appreciate you so much! And also, your voice is so soothing and perfect for these kinds of videos. ❤️❤️ thanks for helping so many people!

I think that my relationship did break down from mild incompatibilities to silent ignorance and either unintended abuse or unintended gas lighting They got a job and are now just busy 24/7 cus they work in health care. I don't envy them and understand them. But I am getting ignored and put aside all the time.... It is not getting better, no matter what bordered I draw or which compromises I ask for....the relationship is practicly dead...

Thank you very much, ma'am.

Thank you so much for this video. This really opened up my eyes on many things.

As someone who is now realizing why some people have taken up so much space in my mind, I think I understand why now. They have taken these actions and I’ve been feeling it for a while but every time I discuss it with either of them, it’s brushed off. I said that I might finally quit replying to one of them, and was told “you’re reading too far into it, it’s not that deep” and ofc I agreed. I thought I was overthinking and I wondered why seeing them out anywhere I was scared me so much, and why I felt so ignored. I don’t need their attention, but I don’t wanna live in fear. I don’t want to leave because of the issues I think it would cause, but I’m clearly not valued to begin with. Idk maybe I just thought too hard on this video

If you recognize these signs in your relationship, it's important to seek support from trusted friends, family members, or professionals. Remember that you deserve to be treated with respect, kindness, and dignity in all your relationships.

Being friends with Psych2Go is never an abuse danger. Instead, it is greatly uplifting. I really send You much love and encouragement. And thank You for the warm voices each of Your team members offer to the listenners.

0:51 Nature of Behavior 1:33 Intent of the Behavior 2:14 Emotional Psychological Impact 3:01 Recognizing the Issue 3:38 Addressing the Issue

thx for the tips :D

I used to like your previous videos since they were great! Although I really wish to have some more videos on Schizophrenia, OCD, Trauma-related issues - psychological explanations such as what to do if we've escaped them and now what? Whether someone is becoming sadistic and what to do before completely loosing the mind.

I actually find this video particularly relatable unfortunately.

The 'silent abuse' thing finally makes sense for me. All the things my "best friend" did to me were all silent. He never said what the main reason was, and always did it when no one was looking. He was a very anti-racist guy. There were times where he would shame me for being racist without actually saying "racist". He'd also get physical and no one cared. He did this for a year straight all because he thought that since I have lighter skin than him, that makes me white, and since I am "white" that makes me racist. I'm not white though. I'm a mixed native american and he forgot about that. My best friend and I were so close to the point of being full-on soulmates but he turned on me literally because of this reason, and he knew very well that I just got done from being manipulated before this. It's very obvious that he's the racist one here, hating me for looking like a white person. Bullying someone and shaming them for being racist when they're clearly not really messes them up. I know this because he triggered two very serious mental disorders that I was not supposed to get this early. Now he's scared of me and doesn't talk to me FOR WHAT FUCKING REASON BECAUSE I LITERALLY NEVER DID A SINGLE THING TO HIM

Explains a lot about my last relationship. Based off what I've been learning, gaslighting has been constant throughout my relationship. So much so it felt like I was walking on eggshells and trying to plan the day ahead so as to dictate her moods to avoid conflict

Thanks!

I would argue that intent doesn't matter in the destinction between incompatibility and abuse. It can just as much come from a lack of responsibility and accountanility. Imagine telling someone: "Stop! You are hurting me!" You don't have to *want* to hurt someone in order to hurt them, and you don't have to wish them ill to ignore their plea. Good old arrogance and immaturity is more than enough to do the trick.

Gaslighting is another common form that abuse can take in silent abuse. Those suffering should also be prepared not to be believed by friends and family who have not witnessed the abuse. Having a mental health professional you can trust and you feel that has your best interests at heart should always be one of the first steps, right after removing yourself from dangerous situations.

Watching this even though i’ve never been in a relationship

Timestamps 1). Nature of behaviour 0:51 2). Intent of the behaviour 1:32 3). Emotional/psychological impact 2:12 4). Recognising the issue 3:00 5). Addressing the issue 3:37 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. Sorry this is so late. 💙💙💙💙💙💙

I wish i could get help. I just dont have the money. I need it so badly.

Dealing with silent abuse is the worst feeling in the world. i won't wish this on anyone. Dealing with this makes me feel like im crazy and annoying, so i push away from my friends and family because i feel so insured, but it hurt more when the person that i was with can't see what they are don't is hurting me

I am pretty sure many people don't relise when they hurt someone , and even if they hurt others .. i think since they saw it from others and it was fine for them then they think "why wouldn't i be allowed to do that too ?" I just think mental health and psychology should be thought in schools because then so many stuff i know now ? I could of avoided ..

Mom is actually good at this

By the way guys, you should consider taking out a free personality test online instead of claiming that you are introverted. I took it and found out I was 80% or more introverted. This confirms that I am legitimately an introvert. I just figure this will be helpful for viewers of this channel. Most people are extroverts by the way this channel is making things seem Talkative world, right?

This has happened to me before..

Divorced now thankfully. But my ex husband would silent abuse me while married. Told the doctor she said just ignore him do the same back. So I did for 14 days. He was not bothered about it. Try hat was 10 years ago. But there was also domestic. Silent abuse is and was so harmful it’s mental torture that never goes away. It’s what did I do what did I say all the whys but the abuser knows what they’re doing. They are narcissistic and cruel. Mental cruelty. NOW I SHALL WATCH THE VIDEO

Is sad what happened in for love one

GOOD MORNING MY FRIENDS AND FAMILY

Can this happen in any type of relationship? Like a working relationship or friendship or family, or would that be a different kind of struggle? I'm just curious.

I’ve been with my bf for over 4 years now. Lately, he’s been really toxic af to me for a lot while. I try to talk to him abt it, he just doesn’t change his ways. Also on top of that, I’ve been mentally drifting away from him, I have an another that I’m really starting to like.. and I’m just here wondering if I should just drop the 4 year relationship and start a new, or stay with him and just *trust* that he will change. (PS: The “toxic” thing is not a new thing. Tbh, I’ve been dealing with it for over a year now, and I’ve told him many times abt his behavior, but he just couldn’t care less…) I really dont know what I should do, when I think abt it, I wouldn’t actually want to leave my bf. But it’s also so hard when he’s speaking so disrespectfully to me. It’s been like this for a few weeks now. Any thoughts?

......especially when it happens right after you're born.......

Hey Psych2Go, I already SMASHed the like button.

Im going through this now

Toxic relationships sound like a lesser equivalent of silent abuse (no offense if I accidentally offend any victims of those things I mentioned)

Time to S I L E N T L Y leave.

“ _10 Signs Girls Think You’re a Good Looking Older Man_ ….I don’t listen to those girls or pay much attention, there are better things to do”

This one’s gonna be hard for me.

Unfortunately, folks can be abusive AND unaware of the harm their behavior does. Saying "abuse is intentional" is not wholly accurate. Malicious abuse is done knowingly.

Thanks again psych2go

My wife has been doing this stuff for years. I always figured it was part of the give and take of the relationship. I give everything I have, and she takes it and demands more. It's not a happy or prosperous life, but what can I do? I'm stuck where I am untill sweet death comes to rumble with me one last time and releases me from my shell to the universe...

314 days ago i could have yoused this video .... still hurts ... PAY ATENTION TO THIS .... silent abuse is VERRY harmfull !

I'm too big of a Rocky horror picture show fan...after I heard 'Dr. Scott', I could only think of is ' Brad !, Janet! ROCKY!' 😂😅

Not always the victim.

For the past week, I've been acting hot and cold with my partner, giving him the silent treatment, even though I'm not sure why I'm behaving this way. I sent him flowers because he was feeling pressured at work, and I feel bad seeing him upset. and then the next day However, i started behaving the same way and feeling very disconnected from him. I'm feeling alone and sad, and I don't feel like talking to him, even though I know he cares a lot. Sometimes I think I judge him too harshly or focus too much on his negative traits, which might be causing me to act this towards him.. and treating him like this makes me feel like crying.. even tho we have good communication i don't know how to figure out why am i doing this...

I know this is the wrong video to say this, but basically i have this best friend, and we used to talk alot 24/7 and we used to chat ALOT throughout the day, but the past month, they have been talking to my other friend more and i feel like they are kind of ignoring me. That’s my only fear, being forgotten

What if its unintentional abuse? My gf threatens self deletion if i leave, but I believe she's serious and she's actually scared of dying legitimately

My intense need for space from the world at times, combined with the vast quantity of info that I have to read and interpret, is often discerned to mean that I’m a callous asshole. Being anything but, at least the callous part, is an unfortunate part of my existence.

Folks, human society has been around for the grand total of like 2% of our entire human history so "abuse" is purely a failure of modernisation, exploiting one avenue of progress or another, leading to a disastrous outcome. It's purely the inability to express the frustration and, instead, it festers until the burn out causes breakdown. We were just bred too stubborn and repetitive to experiment! 🤷‍♂️

Holy shit and in right back to this channel… I thought everything was well…

Please can someone help me? ;( how to know if the person is gaslighting? Or manipulating? I can't figure it out ;( I'm confused ;(

hey there love the youtube channle helped me when i was young i was deeling with stuff and now i know i have to get help with this im scared of loosing a group of friends do to loosing touch with them i struggle to sleep think about what i would do and how i could stop this from happening please help idk any more and it scares the crap out of me.

This happend to me so often:/

Can you explain about Dissociative identity dissorder? And how to get them? Pls?

Notification squad

Would this theoretically work with you and your parents/guardian or is it only for lovers???... Not the incompatible part but the rest of it..

Hey,umm i have a problem,im trying to be a friend of a shy girl,and im also shy, can you do a video that solves the shyness?

I attack by best friend because i remember moments

I have had a friend, who would emotionally abuse me. Let’s call her Blondie (because she was blonde) She would never be afraid to speak her mind, she was ignorant and acted like she was the most important and powerful girl in the whole middle school. She would insult me, guilt trip me, shame me and control me. but justify it as “being a good friend” and I have considered cutting ties with her but the thought of losing her hurt me for some reason even though she was toxic. She would bail out on plans last minute, rarely ever texting or hanging out. But we would talk at school often. She eventually started insulting my appearance and just flat out didn’t care about me. She would yell, control and her toxicity took over me. She always blamed everything on me. I told her that we were cutting ties because she was rude and toxic to me, I didn’t text or call or talk about or to her ever since, but the funny thing was I was so sad about losing her even though she was toxic, and I was a good friend but she didn’t care that I left but she also told me to kys and that it was my fault and I’m nothing without her? I’m very hurt by her I haven’t talked to her in 4 years. Thank you Physch2go, without you I’d probably still be talking to that toxic b1tch. ❤️

I have a question, how is it that your subjects uploaded are comveniently timed with the events of my life? From depression, to dating, to...this...which just happened. Maybe it's coincidence but I swear it's not

Please can you make me. My problem is I'm afraid to love again. I feel if I love someone again there will be lost my friend. It's very heavy for me 😢

❤

My ex friend didnt believe me due to my parents acts seeing like a "nice people" i tried to convince her abt it but she was stubborn as hell she also told me everyone or most dont believe me too so that ones in my group with her i believe they dont believe me and i wont be suprised if they say i dont believe u bc i knew they wont

Consider this: “The language used to describe individuals with BPD can come across to sufferers as cold, detached, and uncaring. But the language is often reflective of individuals who have been hurt, manipulated, or controlled by someone with BPD. To make matters worse, it is often easy to misinterpret the behaviors of those diagnosed with BPD which can lead to incorrect expectations within relationships causing miscommunication and frequent conflict.” So basically, bpd and bpd makes for an inherently difficult time.

Good day to commenters, I'd like to ask a few questions about these psychological traits: 1) Low attention span/hard to focus in conversation/class/etc. 2) Often imagining things, or remembering things they see in daily lives. Either a car or flower. 3) Easier to understand simple conversation/words. If a conversation gets any more longer/complex, the person's brain will start wandering off. 4) Having trouble doing tasks like: • Recognising pattern • Recognising differences between two similar-like items. If there's anyone that knows either: • One name of such condition? • Or similar conditions? I'd like to learn more, feel free to leave your answer in this comment section, If there's anyone having at least *one* of these symptoms, I'd like hear your daily experience interacting with objects or people. Thank you very much. (This is simply for my own personal benefit not school or work. I write story)

Can anyone help me like please or suggest me something "Few months ago I was at my relatives house and it was pretty ok but after sometime a strange feeling in my head came and small pain my chest came and because of those things I'm like walking dead whenever I try to focus the pain comes out and I thought chest pain was normal but I noticed that whenever I was busy like playing soccer or talking to classmates it wouldn't hurt but as soon as I get alone or silence the pain starts again and for the past 2 years I've been alone like house, no friends etc but this never happened to me can anyone help me :)

Earlybird 🌷

silent is not abuse, abuse is what get you to be silent ....

.... yeah, it was probably silent abuse

Can abuse be accidental? For example,if someone constantly shouts and stuff but they dont mean to

help... я не знаю это является abuse или нет, но мне кажется что это и есть abuse. Некоторые постоянно обзывают меня "карапузиком". Можно подумать: -А что в этом такого? Но мне это говорили много раз и я считаю это abuse. А также один мой одноклассник постоянно обижает меня. Например сегодня я (только я) пошёл в школу в сапогах. Я пытался сказать что днём будет дождик и мне это сказала мама (по итогу так и было), но НЕТ НАДО СПРАШИВАТЬ -ОНА ТЕБЯ ПРЯМ БИЛА, ДА? (с такой интонацией по типу он понимает что мама меня не била но всё равно спрашивает). Изменено: Теперь я знаю что я думал в правильном направлении... У нас в классе есть мальчик. Его зовут Захар. Он меня постоянно бьёт. Например сегодня я шёл в столовую, а захар меня бил по спине хотя я даже пальцем не тронул. А ещё после обеда он ударил меня по щеке, а Федя скидывал мои маркеры со стола. Изменено х2: В 1-ом классе в один день я благополучно вернулся с завтрака. Я ждал прихода учительницы и в один момент какой-то одноклассник (Захар походу) схватил мои ручки и кинул к ножке какой-то парты. Я побежал за ними и тут пришла учительница... -Игорь. Вот что ты там делал? - говорила учительница. -Захар отнял у меня ручки и... - говорил я. -НЕ ПЕРЕКЛАДЫВАЙ ВИНУ НА ДРУГИХ! - снова говорила учительница. -Но это реа... - продолжал я. -НЕ ВРИ! - кричала учительница. Вот так я стал мешенью для abuse всего класса. И я поделать с этим ничего не могу... Не поверят! Изменено х3: Недавно, на перемене я вышел с фингербордом из Ленты (часть Скейтеров). Я начал катать фингерборд по подоконнику и он покатился к Саше Плоскому. Он взял его и положил к себе в карман. В карман, запомнили? Я попытался достать игрушку: -Смотрите! - сказал он - Игорь ворует! Я попытался обьяснить, что он убрал мою игрушку, но в ответ меня толкнул Захар. И тут Саша говорит, что достанет игрушку из моего уха. На самом деле она была в его руке! Он якобы достал из уха игрушку, но... Там не было 2 колеса. Я начал говорить, что он сломал игрушку. Ноль реакции. Колёса были съёмные и недостающие колёса были под скамейкой, но факт того, что он попытался сломать МОЮ вещь (помойму в конституции написанно, что ущерб чужим вещам - штраф) не отпускает меня... Изменено х4: 22.04.24 - дата твёрдого abuse... В этот день всё было как обычно. Но на одной перемене произошло очень грустное... Я вышел в коридор и меня начала щекотать однокласница. Я держал писк изо всех сил. Меня начали защищать. Я упал на пол и стал писщать. Всех наказали и сказали что это из-за... меня и Семёна Бирулёва (последнего даже рядом со мной не было). Я пытался сказать, что это Даша Семёновна (та самая одноклассница) но в ответ услышал, что учительница даже разбираться не хочет кто начал это всё... Мне больше никто не верит... Также в этот день я якобы сломал колпачок Семёна Бирулёва. Сижу на английском, делаю задание как вдруг слышу звук падения колпачка. Я поднял его, а вторая часть упала на мою парту. ЕЩЁ РАЗ! Я СИДЕЛ И ДЕЛАЛ АНГЛИЙСКИЙ. Бирулёв обернулся и увидел вторую часть колпачка на столе. Он сказал, что я сломал колпачок и я должен тысячу рублей от ручки. Я попытался сказать, что я не ломал колпачок, но мне не поверили. Пришлось отдать ластик... В тот же день когда я уходил со школы две однокласницы говорили, что я девочка...

just learned my ex abused me

I really do not understand the definition of silent abuse.

😞

Why am i so early

How do you call someone who treats psychological help as if it’s brainwashing? (Real question)