5 Signs Your Narcissistic Husband Is Secretly Gay 

Whether they're straight or gay, they will start an argument just so they can storm out and be with their lover.

I was married to a man for 20 years that stoped all physical intimacy early in, right after our son was born with severe physical and mental disabilities. I was consumed with raising him, had to leave work and care for him full time, and so needed my husband’s help. I don’t have family. We lived in the heart of a forest off-grid. I was totally isolated. The nearest village was an hour away. My husband would tell me at first, that it was just all the stress. He worked 16 hours a day for a company we had built together. Over time, his excuses started changing to nitpicking my appearance. I wasn’t attractive enough. I didn’t have enough curves. I was too fit, to strong, because I lived a pioneer lifestyle of heavy, manual labor. I was also too feminine. It was stupid that I wore make-up. I didn’t dress “like a woods woman,” yada. I tried to ignore him and just be me. I know you can’t force someone to feel attraction and who would want to? He always denied that he was gay. He always said he loved me, but there was just always an excuse. So then he tried to hide behind a feeder fetish. He told me he was only attracted to morbid obesity. He tried to force feed me. He refused to buy me any nutritious foods. He would pinch and measure me. He put up pictures of obese women on the walls that I tore down. He put stickers of them on his truck, etc. I fought it all for 8 years before he really started eroding my self-esteem. I never gave in. I told him that I was disturbed that he’d want me to be unhealthy to satisfy him sexually. I accepted his non-interest but stayed faithful and focused on my kids and animals. I had built MY life at that homestead. Then, I got critically ill. I spent years sick, ending up fully-paralyzed with a differential diagnosis of ALS. I was not expected to live. My online friends, the only ones I had, organized a fund raiser to help me get to Mayo Clinic. My husband had to work, and my oldest daughter brought me. I was trying to keep it together as I was wheeled in to the first exam-only able to move my head, terrified, and my husband chose that moment to text me that he had been having an an emotional affair. I did everything in my power not to cry or act afraid in front of my kids, but that was the lowest moment of my life. When I got back, we started talking about it, but I’ll be damned if I didn’t have other priorities. I expected I had months left of life, at most. About a month later, he was getting ready for the company Christmas party and dropped it on me casually that he’d never been sexually attracted to women and had known it since he was a kid. He’d been cheating on me for our whole marriage with many men. It wasn’t something he tried to tell me with any amount of concern for how I might take it. That I had feelings wasn’t something he seemed to recognize, ever. Then he walked out the door to go party and left me sobbing on the couch. He expected me to STILL stay faithful. He said he didn’t want a divorce. I started getting better. I divorced him. When he left, he abandoned all parental duties. I largely recovered my health, physically and mentally, moved across the country with my son, changed my name and married a brilliant and compassionate man. Life is fabulous, now!

Do not ever, ever tell a man like this that you know he's gay. Do not ask him if he's gay. RUN.

As a woman, go with your instinct. If you think he's gay or bi, he is.

I think my narc ex-husband was like many narcs and was bi-sexual. I think he would have sex with anyone who flattered his ego. He actively pursued women, but he spent a LOT of time on 'camping' or 'fishing' trips' with his guy friends and they seemed a little 'too close' in their friendships. Sex was mechanical and without passion right from the get go. I once asked him if he were gay and he denied it.

I hope men who are doing this to their wives are reading this! Stop it! We don't deserve this and neither do our children!

So on point! It's sadistic how they will deceive a women's entire life all because they cannot face who they are.

Thank you for posting this. My ex-husband hated women, avoided sex and EVERY form of intimacy. Sex was as you said, robotic artificial, terrible. He was auto-erotic, had only one turn-on: feet. He rejected me sexually and in every other aspect. Passive-aggressive, full of rage, shy, and ashamed, a classical cerebral narcissist. He always exhibited extremely abnormal "disgust" towards homosexuals. I suspected he was gay. This video helped me realize I was not crazy :)

I believe Narcs will sleep with anyone male or female who desires them. It is a massive ego boost for them as well as the psychological thrill of control and domination over the person.

I wonder about mine. Sorry to say it. I have no problem with gay people. I do have a problem with deceit and lies though. If you are gay and know it, don’t ruin another life by pretending you aren’t.

“ Sex always feels artificial, forced, robotic, or inexperienced” 💯. Absolutely spot-on. My short-term narcissistic boyfriend was in all those categories. I have never seen this written about anywhere else.

The ones in the closet should stay single rather than marrying, producing, and destroying the lives of others.

This resonates totally! My ex narc husband first act of violence towards me was when I caught him sleeping with another man. I was heavily pregnant with our first child. I was patient and understanding his shame being it was the early 90s and people were not as accepting of bi or gay men. He used women as a means of financial support, and for his sexual deviant behaviour. Fast forward almost 30 years and he admits to a few that he would like a relationship with a man. He still uses his charm to gain favours from women, but ultimately does not like them. He sees them as competition for attention. I still wouldn't trust him, and still vomit a little in my my mouth when I think of the intimacy we shared. He was thinking of men, not me. There's not enough soap in the world to wash that feeling off.

I believe my husband of 30+ years is a closeted gay or bisexual man. In the process of divorce at present. He is also a malignant narcissist. (My extremely studied but not officially diagnosed opinion). To the best of my memory, we have been physically intimate 6 times in our entire marriage, once being right on the edge of being violent. He used every excuse in the book, from being "tactilely defensive" to " it'll disturb the cat" sleeping in the middle of the bed to aches and pains.You name it, he'd use ANY excuse. A former friend of his told me that my husband would frequently stroke his arm and tell him what great shape he was in. The friend would get mad but that didn't stop my husband, who would then complain that I was getting in between the two of them as friends. The last "intimacy" I had with him was 14 months into our marriage. Sex was wholly unsatisfying and alienating. A couple of times I told him of my loneliness regarding sex. His reply was "all you have to do is climb on" which revolted me. I wanted the emotional intimacy more than the physical intimacy. I stayed because I was afraid of his off-the-wall rages that would happen out of the blue. I often times had no idea why he was enraged. There has been physical abuse, mental and emotional abuse, financial abuse. Everything was my fault. Gaslighting was common. He lies as easily as he breathes, about anything and everything, even stuff that makes no sense. But making a move to leave put me at a level of risk I was scared would happen. The divorce was brought by him shortly after my Mom died. He was well aware that there would be an inheritance involved. He and his lawyers are hot to get that inheritance, even though it's not legally mine yet.I still cannot wrap my brain around what kind of deviant he is to be screaming about that before the estate is even out of probate. I don't think I'll be able to introduce in court the possibility that he's gay or even that he's a narcissist since it's only my opinion and not a clinical diagnosis. Bottom line...the narcissist will stop at nothing to destroy you in every way possible.

When they are cowards full of shame, they will blame their “feminine” tendencies on being molested, or being raised by a single mother. FOLLOW YOUR INTUITION! It will never steer you wrong.

You just described my ex husband. He was a very religious Muslim who would avoid having sex with me and constantly tell me I was sick for wanting sex so much. He also would say hateful things against gay people, but was obsessed with the male body and followed tons of muscular men on Instagram. When I told him that it was something a gay men would do, he almost punched my face. He would spend a long time in front of the mirror obsessing about his physique and wouldn’t leave the house until he looked perfect. He was extremely secretive and lied constantly even about little things. He also talked down on his exes and called them crazy, but I was becoming crazy during the relationship because of how controlling, critical and emotionally unstable he was. It was the worst relationship I’ve had in my life! I’m just glad I was able to escape alive. I hope he burns in hell for the way he treated me.

My narcissistic gay ex husband used another tactic: he made me believe I was at fault for our poor sex life, that I was frigid and cold... The truth is that after some time I lost interest in him physically... He was clumsy and inexperienced, sex was boring and a routine, and only once a year at most... But it "was my fault". After our divorce, I discovered I did have a healthy sex drive, enjoyed and craved it normally... All those years, 23, thinking it was my fault.

Well this one really made sense of my marriage. 32 years and I always always felt something was off, but having grown up in a toxic family environment where everything was off, it was hard to know the difference. He was definitely a narcissist and a massive bully, but also extremely homophobic to the point of ridicule. He would pretend to vomit if he even saw gay men on tv and verbalise how disgusting it was. I always found this difficult to deal with because I’m simply not homophobic, and we would argue about it. Yet when we found ourselves in the presence of gay men, not only did they ply him with attention and were clearly attracted to him (he was very handsome and athletic) to my amazement he responded and encouraged and seemed completely at ease with these men. So alien to what he constantly preached. I once told him he protested too much and I think it was the one time he came close to hitting me. Sex with him was either non existent or so sporadic I can count the times on fingers. The last 7 years of our marriage were totally barren of any intimacy. This of course he blamed on me because I had put on a little weight. We are divorced now, he made the process excruciating of course. He had used me to finance his life and even told me he needed to squeeze more money out of me. I’ll end this with …. Life is so much better now

You could catch the fool in the act and he would still say "I'm not gay, I have a Wife/GF"

People that destroy the lives of others to hide being gay should be charged with a felony. Thats abuse and abusers should be in jail.

It makes no difference if you are gay or straight. Bringing home diseases to your partner is a big risk. These guys will put their pregnant wife and unborn child at risk of severe illness without a second thought too. Pure filth.

I was married to one for 9yrs!! 😭 it was horrible. The worst, loneliness, time of my life.

My ex-husband spent 10 years torturing me because of his hidden identity as a gay man. I could be having a wonderful day and he'd always come home and spoil it by picking fights with me over really stupid stuff. He also lied to me about mutual friends thinking I was an embarrassment to be around because in his words, I was "too fat and ugly to be seen in public with." I felt quite worthless and contemplated ending my life. Discovering that he'd been hiding his true sexuality from me was quite difficult to learn. But it was my ticket out of my marriage and a chance to rebuild a life of my own. My ex also hated kids and denied me children that I am grateful I didn't have with him. I'm a single mom, but my daughter, now 12, showed up in my early 40s when I didn't think I'd get pregnant so easily. She is such a gift; I'm thrilled I don't have to share her with him. You are not alone, ladies, if this has happened to you. Get a good therapist and surround yourself with supportive people. Some of my biggest champions who also worked to help me heal were my friends in the LGBTQIA community. I was grateful to have them and still feel that way. My life isn't perfect, but at least I don't have that evil albatross around my neck anymore.

Sad but true..I was married to one for 18 years. He hid it from everyone....he is such a horrible selfish person. Thankfully he confessed which released me from him..I was done trying to save him & I finally chose to save myself!

Everything you listed, you are EXACTLY describing my ex-husband😔 Word for Word. I'm in tears, I was in SO much Denial. The devil comes as EVERYTHING you ever wanted, but there is NO substance. Just the Facade.

Thank you so much for addressing this topic. It took me a few years to figure out what was actually going on in my marriage. I thought I was the most ugly wife ever as my husband only touched me a handful of times in 7 years. We even had to go to the gay church. He should have just been honest with himself and me. It would have saved us both a lot of emotional pain and suffering. "Don't touch me" was the phrase I heard on a daily basis. He was obviously repulsed by me and of course I thought it was my fault for not being thin and pretty enough. It took me a long time to heal. My heart goes out to anyone in this type of marriage. It's is very traumatic.

Thank you for making this video. The narc does not want sex with me. I am in good shape, beautiful, sexually healthy, and empathetic. He avoids me. When he rarely tries he can't keep his erection or ejaculates prematurely. He then gets up and walks away. He never talks to me about any of this. He avoids any physical intimacy. I truly believe he is gay.

My ex husband of 28 years was gay. You are spot on with this. There are more unpleasant aspects of this to their behaviours than the lack of sex in a relationship.

I still have not met a formerly-married-to-a-woman-and-with-children gay man who is not highly narcissistic. They expect a pat on the back for their “bravery” in emerging from their straight lives and live authentically as gay, while conveniently forgetting that many gay men their generation did not cave to heteronormative expectations as they did.

Thank you for making this video. After 22 years of almost no sexual contact and being pushed away, I finally know that it has not been me that has been the problem.

Red flags I saw: 1. When we spent time together, he often wanted other men around, his male friends. My company as a woman was not good enough. 2. Extremely disrespectful and rude to women, including female strangers on the street, and even his own mother. 3. Many others who met him told me they think he is gay. 4. Reputation as a womanizer, and male gold-digger who preys upon older women. 5. HIGHLY flamboyant sense of fashion. 6. HIGHLY flamboyant way of talking. 7. Sexually, 90% of the time he only wanted oral. On the rare occasions he gave me sex, it was brief, he wasn't into it, and I had to do all the work. He rarely touched my breasts or private areas. I don't think female anatomy turned him on. He was sexually violent with me, not loving or passionate. As time went on, he even started refusing oral from me. 8. And the final clue... he once had me peg him, and it was the best sex we ever had. Because he was TOTALLY into it, like a pornstar. It definitely wasn't his first time taking it. He always denied being gay though.❤️🌈

My narcissist ex-husband did all of this! We were married 25 years, and I just thought he hated me. You are right, this is very enlightening and needs to become part of the conversation. He did remarry as soon as the ink was dry on our divorce papers. I've spoken to his ex-wife and she filled in some of the blanks I could not understand. Today, he lives with a male friend in Arizona. He ruined my life.

Thank you! My husband of 34 years is a closeted gay man. I finally put the pieces together about 7 years ago, but I always knew. He is deeply misogynistic. Very sneaky. He always made me feel like a nymph for just wanting a normal sex life.

Narcs swing both ways, all of them.

- waited till we were married until we had sex. On our wedding night, he “had a headache” He would not sleep in the sane bed as me, even use the same closet or shower. When I talked about intimacy, he would say it’s me or well get back on track. He would create “fake” arguments so he could leave for a weekend to stay at a hotel. He would say, “he doesn’t want to be accused of sex & porn as he’s gone” Bottom line is, he only married me to have an instant family with my 2 sons & I as he took us to church every Sunday. I’m so blessed to not be with him anymore. It took me awhile to heal. Love to all 💛

I'm a single and childfree woman. Reading these comments makes me weep inside bc a lot of women endured some tough things that one like myself have never encounter and hope not to ever cross in any of my lifetimes. I'm beginning to believe those " butterflies in the stomach" on the the day of one's wedding is God's last and final warning not to go through with it. I pray for healing and an exdous plan if one is still going through it their narc spouse.

Wow! I needed to see this video. I always questioned my exhusband’s sexuality. Coming from a conservative, Catholic, Cuban family I couldn’t speak about this subject with many people. I am still the only one divorced in my entire family and it includes extended family members. These are the red signs I saw while married to this man. I now questioned why I lived with him for 10 years. Thankfully, I came away with 3 sons who are now grown and I have 3 beautiful granddaughters . They are the world to me so I am proud of that accomplishment despite what we went through. 1. I dated him in college for 3 years before we got married and he was nothing but a gentleman. He was a great actor during that time. As soon as the ring was placed on my finger his true identity was discovered. Treated me with such disrespect and told me I would have to get use to it. 2. This man is misogynistic. Hates woman. Specially educated, strong, successful women. He talks about how bad woman are constantly. In public to add. Constantly degraded me in public. Always trying to attract other woman in front of me. Always having extramarital relationships with other woman and blaming me for his actions. Made me feel like a maid or degraded servant. 3. Loves his male friends and puts them above anything. Will go on secret outings. Always keeping me out of his escapades. 4. Is extremely homophonic. Speaks openly about how much he hates gays and the LBGT community. But mostly gay men. Always talking about how manly he is. 5. Sex with him was horrible. Always, always wanting to have annal sex. It was always about his so called pleasure. As time went on it was hard for him to keep an erection and he was only in his early 30’s. He always blamed me. I always wanted to seek assistance with counseling or get a doctor’s advise and he would always say for me to go get help. He refused. It is so difficult to even write this. I left my exhusband like I was escaping from a communist country. I had to secretly take my children run and hide. My 3 sons are grown and doing well. I never remarried. I was to afraid to get stuck in another bad relationship. I prefer to surround myself around my family and friends who are positive and loving. Thank you for validating what I knew was actually occurring. Thank you for your channel. I have been divorced for 30+ years and I am only now finding closure and healing. Thank you for sharing your knowledge. ❤

Damn! Whilst dating a narc guy, I had two thoughts cross my mind: 1) Is he a narcissist? 2) Is he bi/gay? (my friend suggested this). Turns out he is both! He is so misogynistic, makes fun of homosexuals, disgustingly critical, competitive/jealous of capable women, and refused sex by saying that my face wasn't attractive enough. You guys, what is going on!!? Sending all the positive energy to anyone who has felt the effects of this!!

I really appreciate this episode! My first husband of 31 years was a closet homosexual and made me feel inadequate! I found out after I’d divorced him and he died that he had been seeing other men! You described him exactly! Thx

This makes perfect sense as his “best friend” has been a source of major conflict in our marriage from the start. I started to wonder if they were secretly lovers…both have mommy issues, narcissist traits, raised deeply religious and both exhibit macho man personalities and outright contempt for gay men and not much reap for women other than what they can be used for. It’s been ringing alarm bells for years. Also had no idea what to do with a woman’s body that is remotely sensual.

Bingo! My former husband asked a friend over very early in our marriage. I decided to ask my single girlfriend over to meet him. Later that night i mentioned to my husband that introducing him to my girlfriend didn’t go very well. He said: no kidding, he’s gay! I yelled back and said: why would you allow me to ask her over if you knew that. …. Well, we know why, don’t we? I wasted over 20 years to a man who was a GAY narcissist. Dear God! I better get rewarded in heaven

My ex narcissistic/alcohol husband showed all these traits in one way or another. I never could put my finger on it, UNTIL, I found him soliciting for sex with men on Craigslist. I wasn't shocked, but saddened by the lie/s. I had always felt his alcoholism was a way to hide something. Thanks for posting this.

My dad was a stark raving narcissist and constantly male bonding everywhere we went even to the gas station. My mom said once she was surprised they ever had children.

When I was 24, I married a handsome, highly educated man. I eventually realized that he was a narcissist, a misogynist, and a homosexual. He routinely engaged in sexual interactions with men. We divorced, but he married another woman several years later. He never came out of the closet, and he is by now dead.

This is very, very powerful and not discussed enough! My Dad is like this. We grew up suffocated with his hoarding and as his last child left home, he moved straightaway to sleep in a different place to my mother. He accidentally left my mother a voicemail meant for a man he'd met online (he has tons of gay friends online and we know he watches gay porn as my mother found it in the internet history) yet she lives in denial and when I brought it up recently, she completely denied it ever happened and said that it was ME who found the porn on the computer! Needless to say, I have little contact with them both.

personally, I think this is probably one of the main reasons why narcissists are narcissists. I'm not saying all narcissists are in the closet, but a lot of these people live double lives, and usually would be labeled as bi sexual, one gender is sexually favored over the other, but one is more naturally organic mentally and emotionally. but most of these people "choose " the opposite sex over the same to eliminate the risk of being the black sheep of society.

Wow! The sheer number of comments make this problem seem huge! This seems like a widespread crisis😮!

I was with someone and caught him at the gym acting very submissive when with men. Head down and eyes up nibbling on a hoodie string while talking. Then saw me and straightened up and stopped nibbling. Is odd that a stranger asked me if I was married and I responded yes but soon to be divorced. He looked shocked and made me promise to check a book called The Invisible Life by E.Lynn Harris. It's something when a stranger tells you in subtle ways that ones hubby is gay. Then a family member asked me "don't you think that your spouse is a little effeminate"? Yep, an effeminate jock who went to an all male school.

Unsatisfactory is an understatement. Devoid of intimacy, hollow, shallow, I could go on…like acting…a show…Not worth it at all. RUN.

I am just really saddened by the fact how many women in comment section were lied to and taken advantage of...😐😲 A 10-, 20-, 40-year marriages... I suspect my husband is narcissistic but he also cheated on me with men. And sex has been always mechanical and robotic. So I guess he is a narcissistic gay. My heart is sore...

You covered this topic so well and it is so needed. I feel for the women that are married to gay men and are clueless about it blaming themselves.

So true...my ex was a narcissist, 10 years married, caught him with his best friend. I left right then and there.

Years ago, I had a Muslim BF in the middle east who early on displayed signs of being a gay covert narcissist. He had not married by age 33 and shared no history of relationships/friendships with me except for men (which is part of the culture, but he expressed no interest in women, as he had mommy issues). And though he worked very hard in his career, he was unable to save money enough to buy anything substantial. I began to piece together that our relationship was his meal ticket to get out of his situation by marrying me, having a baby and moving to the West which he often mentioned. (btw homosexuality is forbidden in Islam). As we grew closer, I could not get him to linger and share deep, intimate moments with me despite his eagerness to give and receive nightly massages. Still, I sensed anger, frustration and moodiness when I was with him, as he started to persuade me to convert to Islam (which I did not do). After just 6 months, he asked me to marry him. Though very nervous about his reaction, I let him know that I was unable to, as I had serious concerns about our having an open and honest life together. He went silent for a week but then returned thinking all was well, and that I would change my mind. Fortunately I had the foresight to know what was happening and soon thereafter left the country. He never raised a hand or his voice to me at that time,, but his silent treatments (no phone calls or messages for over a week) and acts of disdain and condescension (cerebral narc) were just as hurtful. I dodged one of the fatal bullets of my life, and thanked God for that! Thank you, Danish, for this and all your other essential presentations on narc abuse. Many are painful to relive but important reminders. I appreciate all you do!

I seriously thought this about my ex. I thought I was the only one that this could have happened to!

A number of ppl told me my ex is gay… I actually thought about this while still in the relationship… I confess the intimacy was very scarce and for (according to him) a variety of ways. I’m the beginning he “didn’t feel good about himself”; then “he works a lot, doesn’t have the time or the mindset”. Then it became “You’re too fat”… then he signed up to a gym and started taking hormones and yet, no intimacy because now it was all about me not being attractive enough… whenever it happened he needed to be under alcohol influence and it was very unsatisfying… He had this best friend who was with him all the time… and he is known for being bissexual… I’m so confused… they leave us in such a confusion state that we don’t know anymore what’s real, Whats not…

My ex used to withhold sex as a way to try to control me. For a while I hoped that we could bring about mutual healing through marriage counseling. However, he found ways of weaponizing whatever I said in the sessions, and he would later claim that the therapist clearly agreed with his point of view. Mutual friends helped him move after I had initiated our divorce and moved out. They discovered, in a corner of the basement, a box of clothing that looked like cross-dressing outfits in his size. He made feeble excuses for those outfits. I suspect that he was bisexual and deeply ashamed, and there were incidents that indicated he practiced partial asphyxiation on his own.

Yep it always felt like he was very inexperienced

This has got to be the most accurate video I've watched yet. I'm still stuck in this but I'm working on the disconnecting phase now. I've watched my bf completely act as if I'm not even their when his next door neighbor would be over. I would travel an hour and a half to come see him to completely be ignored when his neighbor came out. It was if they had a secret relationship. When I said something to him about this he completely flew off the handle about it so I left it alone. One day I needed to get a shirt out of his closet and for 2 years these 2 condoms sat in his closet untouched in the same place one day they were both gone. I inquired about them and he said he liked to jerk off in them. Then flipped out on me about minding my own business. Well I knew that was a lie bc they sat there for so long. About a week after that he told me his neighbor was moving to another state and he was just down right depressed and couldn't even function. Which pretty much was the red flag, until the day came his neighbor was actually leaving and he broke down and cried all afternoon for him even begged him to come say goodbye to him at the job we were at before he left. Needless to say the neighbor just kept going. Which is exactly what he deserved for stabbing me in the back and keeping me around to appear normal. On another occasion he must have forgotten he left his huge rubber dick in the shower that eventually became his new go to for sex. After i wouldnt give him anal because he was just to ruff and didnt care about hurting me. He has turned me cold and I hate it I hope there is some light at the end of the tunnel that I will be able to trust someone else in the future. I've gone threw so much I could write a novel, but yet I'm still trying to escape......

I was 45 and married to a druggy narc. I fought to get sex 5 times a year. "People our age just have sex anymore. Quit pressuring me." Enough said. File immediately. Don't wait as long as I did.

My ex came out of the closet as trans. Later, he admitted to being bisexual. He was this way before we married and kept it a secret from me. Needless to stay it ended our marriage.

The craziest story I heard was a man taking his “friend” on trips and vacation and then finally taking his wife but he had her sitting alone on the plane while he sat next to his “friend”. When the wife got upset about it, she got guilt tripped and shamed. 🙄

Please take heed in this message..I found out about my Narcissistic boyfriend 7 years into our relationship. He's on the DL...I was only in his life as a cover.

Yes my ex was very misogynistic and over the top masculine. He often brought random “friends” home and disappeared for hours and days. He worked in a prison and told me once that one of the inmates grabbed his private parts. I was wondering why he choose that story to share, it was revealed 10 years after divorce that he was having sex with his co-workers. 😮

I have asked him many times if he's gay. No emotional connection during sex, no effort to satisfy me, telling me sex is not that important,I felt like he was scared to explore my body. If he meets a new male friend,he doesn't stop talking about him.

I broke down crying watching this. Thank you so much. It's definitely eye opening and healing. I've been divorced since 2004. The pain he caused still has deep scars. Mine was a truck driver. He would constantly tell me about stuff on the road. A store in Michigan that specialized in obese women who would close at night to cater to men, truck stop signals for oral sex. I asked him point blank if he was gay and wanted to tell me something, he got VERY defensive. Years later, my grandchildren told me about the women's clothing in his closet that fit him.

6. They go on month long “golf trips” with their “best friend” 🤣😏

Thank you for posting this. 3 years after I left my ex husband, he said he wanted to talk. He came to visit and asked to "fix" our marriage for the children. However, he slept with a man and enjoyed it. He said He will allow me to date others as long as the children never meet any of the men I date. He just feels that it is important for the kids to grow up with "both" parents around. Naturally I declined. It showed me that he was so selfish and ashamed of his sexuality that he thought of using the children and myself as a front for him to hide his being gay and still have the best of both worlds. I told him to get out of my house... He then messaged me 3 weeks later saying it was a joke and I was stupid to believe him. We are now all in no contact for about 5 years now. He hoovers every so often but gets no responses and he hates it.

He would look in the mirror at himself constantly, checking his hair especially. He was a storyteller too. I felt something was missing about him but couldn't figure it out.

Finally somebody answers my question I have been looking for videos about homosexual narcs for the longest while, I’m married to a narc whom after 17yrs of marriage I’ve come to uncover a secret that was happening right under my nose in my house and I had not the slightest clue that my husband liked men until I saw some messages on his phone having sexual conversations with men and not ONE sexual conversation with any of the many female friends he had, I screamed when I read some of them and was in total shuck, I still ask myself to this day where was I when all this was going down, he has ruined my life and my thinking toward men, relationships and marriage he robbed me of having a decent normal relation of my choice by telling a lie

These type are also very heavy handed towards women and emotionally cold. They also act the same way as jealous women do toward other women they feel intimidated by. So wild! I 🤯Overall they are walking nightmares. I've met 3 in my life. And each one seemed to be just a tad bit more vile than the other. Now I know the signs. I also sometimes feel sorry for them. Because it has to be torture not living in your truth.

I once had a friend who got engaged to a man that seemed like a total mismatch. I would sit opposite them at dinner trying to figure out how those two got together. Fast forward 13 years my friend left her husband when she unexpectedly walked into their bedroom and found him in bed with another man. I saw big red flags without knowing anything about him. Sometimes you just have to trust your gut. I’ve finally learnt to trust myself, if I see red flags I no longer question anything, I’m outa there.

Even though this video sounds unrealistic, it’s 100% truth.

This is a very ignored facet to being involved with a narcissist. The narcissist in my life was perhaps one of the most physically attractive men I've ever met. The type who everyone notices when he enters a room. Oozing sexual energy & fully smugly satisfied with his looks. I'm gay & will never know his true sexual orientation, so many mixed messages & actions from him. It was clear that his interest in me was because I was attracted to him, not him being genuinely interested or attracted to me. Swore he was straight but always surrounded by other men. Openly hostile to his mom, sister, & random women in public, often referring to them using the "C" word. Gorgeous on the outside, despicable on the inside.

Thank you for discussing this topic - I didn't suspect anything strange about narcissist ex-husband until after I escaped and went no contact. He definitely had "close" relationships with certain men in his life, weird grooming habits, and made it very clear that he hated women.

that confusing feeling or gut that always make you wondering" is he gay or narcissist ? " that make you end up watching this lol 😅

He said when we first dated: " I will perform for you" He said it just like that. That was my first red flag. I was hurt. I wondered why he had to as he called it "perform" for someone he supposedly shared a close emotional bond with. He said later that it was just a figure of speech. After over a decade with him and fewer and fewer sexual experiences every year. I knew his statement was prophetic. Every intimate moment felt forced an fake after a while. He would also cross dress but he had learned improv and acting in NYC so I assumed that he was just acting or playing a part because a lot of improvisation explores themes of gender. He fooled me for so long. I am struggling now with the effects of years of this (crazy making) abuse! I think I may have the symptoms of nervous system exhaustion.

Narcissists like sex their way. It’s not something that’s necessarily gay or straight. They might like sex where they dominate some male, or other female, or enjoy the control of forcing them to do stuff. It’s not necessarily as simple as gay or straight but it’s still worth noting. Thanks for your thoughts on this. Seems rarely touched on if at all.

Man, I could write my whole marriage here…I’ve always known. Was indeed shut down when asked about it in any way, even when I showed him love and that it didn’t matter to me if he was. He’s the kind to use religion and act overly homophobic. Sex was weird from the beginning, okay at some times but in our 14,5 years of marriage there are some years where we maybe did it three times or so…I felt terribly unloved and he still managed to blame me for the lack of sex. He also played off his disintrest in woman as loyalty and I must admit I was fooled. In this past half year I started to find out things, like him going to a sex shop and having dating apps on his phone, and in his “desperation” he told me that he struggled with gay feelings and that he even experimented on his little brother when he was little and that was why he felt so ashamed. I just said I knew. He thought his confession would keep me from divorcing him, he thought I would feel compassionate, and for one day I did, but then it just dawned on me how his lies broke me over these years…my whole marriage played over and over in my head but with this new perspective, it’s the worst betrayed and hurt I’ve ever felt…worst thing is our daughter that’s now hurt as well because of the divorce

My ex boyfriend was very strange and after the first few months then he started saying that he would have sex soon and that lasted a year. He would make fun of me and make a teasing joke in a baby voice Cathy wants some sex. Awww and pinch my cheek. It was not funny. Then he started showing strong affection in public but in private we were like 2 platonic friends. Sleep over. He really crushed me. Took me a while to recover. I felt so unattractive. I'm better now.

My narcissistic, alcoholic ex actually said to me once when he was drunk or maybe he was not as drunk as he seemed. He said “maybe I’m gay” it was so random and out of context.It has always stuck with me. And I’ve always had this feeling he could be a pedo.

Great video. I spent years with someone who was closeted. At the end of it, felt crushed and used and scared. It scarred me physically and mentally. Another sign was drug use...his whole family even knew and kept the secret quiet/ He tried to appear very anti social...but was always at the gym looking and getting other men. This is absolutely accurate video! thank you for posting this.

This happened to me , he used religion to hide his lack of attraction to women , treated me horribly but slobbered over men , I found a strange man's wallet and jacket in his car after a " business trip" and also found a viagra on his floor after he declared " sex is for procreation only" . Destroyed my life and our kids .

This REALLY needs to be discussed more! Thank you for bringing this out into the open. So many really weird things make sense now.

This information was so real that I feel triggered, I needed to hear it and the truth hurts like nothing else.

All 5 signs. I read a while back that the eyes go to what they are attracted to, so I started watching my ex's eyes. If an attractive couple walked down the street passing us his eyes would focus on the man. Briefly tho, because he didn't want it to be obvious in front of me, but he never even gazed at the woman for a second. He would always say something about the man. For example, liking the color of his shirt or some other "innocent" comment. Trust. Your. Gut!!

I actually find narcissts physically repugnant due to their aloofness arrogance and contempt for almost everyone. I cannot imagine them coming down enough to be intimate with anyone gay straight or otherwise

I found male pornography on his electronic devices. When confronted lied and accused me of invading his privacy.

Yep...its all true! 19 year marriage and sex 7 times...unfulfilled with him not being intimate...was demeaning to me but when in public, he would act like a caring husband...especially in church! I cried and cried for intimacy at home and eventually had my own room. He had sex in gay bar on our wedding weekend and didn't consummate for 4 months afterwards. I didn't know he was gay until my honeymoon. I was young and tried to live my dream life but it never became a reality. Divorce after 20 years and the heavy reality was lifted off of me!

This was not made for me. I’m single and a straight male. But oh boy did it make me feel thankful. Was feeling down driving home because I wasn’t looking forward to being alone. But now I’m seeing how things could be way worse. I could be with a partner that I think is cheating on me! Good luck everyone!

This man I married has not touched me in almost 7 years because he ‘does not want to do all the sex work’. He moved out of the marital bed 10 years ago, because it was uncomfortable sleeping next to a pregnant woman. I have finally had enough after he told me my opinion means f@£&all. I am cutting ties and running.

I’m sure I dated one of these for two years. Never caught him w another man but he wasn’t into sex with me. The sex was awful, too. Very rushed and unsatisfying. I had to instigate it almost always. He’s joke about it like, “ DANGER, Will Robinson!” when I tried to initiate sex. And he was really mean overall, but also very attached to me and wouldn’t let me go when I tried to leave. He wanted to marry n have kids w me and even took me to Hawaii to meet his mom and family. Thankfully I got out but I still feel so gross and repulsive to men. Narc abuse takes a while to heal from. That guy was form twenty years ago and it still feels awful.

🎯 EXACTLY‼️ I left my thirty-year marriage after many signs of him cheating with. The worst was when they scorned ex-lover contacted me to tell me he was sleeping and then a year later I caught him leaving the house the early hours of the morning almost two hours before he was supposed to go into his and I just knew he was speaking off to have sex with men but he denied it all of course 😈 next week will be a year since I leftI him and filed for divorce after 30 years of marriage. Now I'm living off, I immediately went zero contact after leaving and I've never been happier, more at peace and hopeful for my future 🥰 I thank God for revealing this truth to me and freeing me from the addiction and attachment I had toward. It cost me dearly since he turned two of our adult daughters against me. It's been over a year since I don't see those two daughters and their children, three of my grandkids 💔 but it has been worth it. Nothing compares to the piece I have now✨

Doctor karl menniger said abusive men were latant homosexuals

Thank you for addressing this. I was suspicious almost from the beginning of our marriage, you nailed this!

I dated a narcissist. In the beginning, during love bombing, he would mention quite strange things regarding men in his life. He said once, "A homeless guy begged me to let him give me a blowjob." Throughout the relationship, he constantly talked down on gays, transgenders, etc. Even accused me randomly of wanting to be a "dyke". During the last weeks of our relationship, I found transgender porn in his phone history. Now that I'm away from him...he is following transgender men and women. I'm so confused...nothing wrong with sexual orientation, but he went out of his way to trash talk the LGBTQ community, every chance he could. I really think he may be bisexual...makes sense. He used to accuse me of the same.

Thank you for this topic, I have allot of suspicion which only surfaced 7 years after being married, I won't go deep with this, before we got married I asked him to be truthful about his sexual preferences, I am straight I had friends that were LGBT and they never crossed the line with me as I respect everybody, I have family like that and they respected me like I respected them, things were showing after 7 years, I feel very betrayed by all the crap that had spilled out, iam celibate for quite some time now, with my narc and all he put me through, I am not going to continue with this no more. Thank you for great topic

Wow, right on. I felt that but accepted this possibility by being in denial... he indeed brought gays home, his buddies were all gays, many of them closeted. He hated his grandma and mother, was very critical of women, even left one pregnant... he was very cruel with me, but being caught in his web of destruction, I was losing energy to prepare an escape. All that was sadly reflected in our intimacy that was nothing but suffering for me. This is a bull's eye, and I thank you for bringing up the subject. You are right.

It is just like Omar Mateen, who killed over 50 people in a gay club in Orlando, FL. He was a narcissist, secretly in the closet, married, and did all these things you mentioned. These men are sad and dangerous.

I been leaving this life for twenty five years now… 😢.. still strapped… because I can’t afford to go nowhere … I feel like I been leaving in hell and pray every days for my life to be free 😪

This is hilarious! I have been hit with “why do you always want sex, you must be a nymphomaniac” lol