I really wish I knew about your videos prior to being married. I made every single one of these mistakes with my ex-husband, and he sure used every single one of them against me. Isolated me from friends, family, and thought I'd never be able to leave him with three children, BUT GOD!! Ladies, listen to Tony! I thought I was being transparent in the name of Christianity. That man pulled me so far away from God with every year I stayed in that marriage and we were "church leaders", picture-perfect on the outside. Love yourself, be assertive, and lead with the story of you, not your trauma. I am 5 years divorced, and through these videos, therapy, and self work, I have done some major introspection and HEALING without dating until being ready. And even then, I have to gut check with these videos every now and again when I feel my trauma wanting to respond instead of me. Thank You, Tony!
Girl you just outlined my life. No small children, but everything else 🙌. It’s been 5 years for me also. I wrote Tony last year and said the same thing, but when I got married the 1st time Tony was a baby lol. I had to let God heal me, and now I’m ready for whomever he sends, until then I learn how to be okay with just me.
❤ amen, I was fortunate enough to be blessed with a father, who enlighten me with this wisdom growing up, although I did not listen, had to learn the hard way😂
Can someone clarify? What if you are in a committed relationship with someone, are you not supposed to talk about your past? How do you then really learn about each other and learn what makes someone character the way that it is?
I take it as, share the lessons you have learned over you life, but do not look to your partner to analyze and interpret and heal from your life traumas. @@tiatarezo9309
@@DegreeUprisingPS3DoubtSociety I understand that when you first meet someone obviously don’t offload all of your trauma, but eventually, when you start dating, that person is going to wonder things like “what did he go through to make him so guarded?” “What did she go through to make her react like that” you know? Because a lot of the time we react on a subconscious level. Our experiences build our characters and the different nuances we have. So I think it’s okay and can be healing to share.. it’s all about timing
1) Never tell a man about your trauma, go to a Therapist and/or coach. 2) Never tell a man how many men you've slept with. 3) Never tell a man your complete vision of what you want in a man. 4) Never tell a man about your last relationship 5) Never tell a man too much of your family business
@@ines-simpson Exactly. They want superficial conversations, which is why their relationships fail. They can't have hard convos. I peeped this about males a long time ago. They want the benefits of a relationship with the input of stranger saying "Hi" to you in passing 😂
There are some things you never tell a man even if he is your husband. He may not always be your husband. My ex threw all my issues back at me after 26 years of marriage when he wanted out. A man is a man no matter what the relationship with him is. When he no longer loves you he will throw it all back at you.
I think people do this in geberal and hit back at low points but there’s something special about an objective non ego driven person whom doesn’t hit below the belt for tit for tat. And if they do it’s often because the truth needs to be heard The goal is to find someone you align with
Tonys 5 thing: 1. Past trauma 2. Body count 3. What you want in your partner 4. Conditions under which previous relationships ended (see #1) 5. Family business My one addition (imo) 6. Finances, career goals 🤞🏻 Edit at 1.2k likes: ma look, I’m famous.
Like your addition 👏👏 Realized men can be envious/jealous of their partner. My recent ex would mock that I made less money than him. He’d also sabotage my growth or make sny comments about it. It also felt he was constantly in competition with me.
Being open and vulnerable is apart of building a relationship. If you do not feel like you can disclose and open up to someone it is probably an indication you shouldn't be dating them.
As a 61yr old woman. I am single and childless, by choice and I learned that we tell too much too early. I like having good conversation, but some men don't like talking and don't want you asking them questions because they are gathering information on how to trick or treat you in the future. The information pops when a disagreement or argument occurs. As you know men and women can put on Oscar winning performances until the mask falls off. In my opinion many men don't believe in seeing a therapist.
Replying to 5 this you don't tell: women in my family always said you never tell a man everything and I have lived by that. That includes money, relationships, family, trauma. My husband never knew how much money I made.😂
@@amalyah46 you just sounded proud and confident. Super Curious at “grandparent age” are you still happy with life, without any grand kids. I never liked the idea of having kids but I dream about being a grandma. That always excited me thinking about it.
And believe him when he tell you how he is. Men are not complicated. Most are very predictable and will reveal themselves in a few short weeks at best. When he does, believe him and make your decisions accordingly
If a man can't handle hearing about my trauma, he can't handle being my partner. If there's anything you think a potential partner shouldn't tell you, you aren't partner material yourself.
Here is one Tony. Don’t talk bad about yourself, calling yourself fat, butt to big, small, complaining about what you don’t like about yourself your feet etc. He must see that you love and accept yourself. Let him see you working on you taking care of you. Own your power with a man.
Love this so much‼️. Not that I get talked to a lot by guys - hardly ever- but I find I do this all the time. I think it's like a defense mechanism- I'm gonna talk bad about myself before you do - I guess to show you I already see my issues so no reason for you to bring them up - crazy 🤷🏽♀️
Basically, don't share anything negative about yourself. Avoid mentioning any negative experiences or mistreatment from others, as man may use that against you. Those who engage in such behavior are often narcissistic, and there are many of them. I learned this the hard way. I was already aware of the points you mentioned, and you're right about the part where they might try to inquire about your trauma to exploit you. I have mentors I follow, so I don't need emotional support from a man unless it's related to money and growth. Remember, don't share your history with anyone unless they have earned it. 💕
Ive made all of these mistakes. I think it comes down to healing before entering a relationship. It's difficult not to speak on your trauma when your trauma is with you everyday, because you want to share whats on ur mind. But after you heal, you're able to have conversation beyond that. You no longer feel like ur hiding something if u dont mention it.
I was conversing with a guy who jumped in my DM. We eventually exchanged numbers and of course he asked when was my last relationship, I told him it had been five years. Long story short two weeks in we had a disagreement, he told me that’s why I’ve been single for so long because I don’t know how to treat a man and another five is going to go by and I’m still going to be single 🤣🤣. He was mad because he said I suppose to text and call him every day, I told him dude you never give me a chance to text you first because you’re always texting me at 5am and when I told him we should talk on the phone he said he don’t have time for phone conversations. I told him I’m no longer interested and he can cancel our date because he’s showing signs of a diva and a psycho 🙄.
Sound like he got somebody else if all he wants to do is text and the nerve of him to try and manipulate the situation in his favor like sir if you want to be treated like a young lady just say that 🤦🏽♀️
That was really mean of him considering he wouldn't have even known how long you've been single if you hadn't told him! And men who think women being single for long periods is a negative thing are most likely watching RU-vid videos telling them that! Lol
Ladies he just gave you a $100,000 worth of information for free! This is the truth! Older woman here, if I may piggyback and add-- apply the same guidelines for women friends as well. If she is a friend that you made after adulthood, keep the same principles. Unless you grew up with her and she already knows your history don't tell her everything either.
1) Never tell a man your pain, brokenness. 2) Never tell a man how many men you've slept with. I'll rather get to know you for you and not judge you by your past. 3) Never tell a man what you want in a man, he will act it out and drop you for another 4) Never tell a man about your last relationship. Never talk about your ex with your next.The person who talks least has the greatest power. He is not my therapist. 5) Never talk to a man about your family. It will inform his decision about you.
@blessingbassey6069 And you all listen to men like this and wonder why you single and alone. Because regardless women like it or nor you alls past matters just like a man's future matters, what he does for a living and how much he makes to women let's be real. So all that you just said you coming to a man in bad faith and trying to be deceitful and don't no man want that but you and women like you want a real man💯🤣🤣
@@estephianunderwood9573okay well then most of Us won't get a Man since they ONLY want Women who don't "have a past" that includes trauma. I don't see the problem here. The Women who are what Men want will get a Man... WHY talk crap to and about the Women that Men don't want anyway? Like, leave Us undateables alone. Eventually, there will be so many of Us that We will have an alternate dating market altogether where the people who have rocky pasts, body counts, aren't fit, blah blah blah get together bc they genuinely like each other and appreciate the strength of a survivor not bc they're checking boxes & being judgy. Y'all literally be yelling at the VERY Women y'all don't even want! What is the purpose of that? Women that don't even know Y'all, have no connection to Y'all, or would never date Y'all... it's lunacy.
@estephianunderwood9573 the mans past matters also. For example, if you used to be gay, in prison, on drugs, unemployed for more than 60 days, etc. But as a woman I will add that I don't keep secrets and it has been used against me.
@@Thedirtylittletruth exactly! It’s mad steps you have to take just to get a solid partner. I just want to be myself and find someone like that, no games, just honesty and respect.
@@Thedirtylittletruth It is more like "Don't tell anything to a man that won't be your man, you have to discern that most man you encounter will have hidden agendas...
Well ma'am you might not tell a 👞 nothing based on what your mother & this gentleman is saying,.....but a persons (PASS ) has it 's on ways without your (Mouth 👄), of coming to the (Light 🕯️) exposing, & revealing, it's self to the very individual you chose to stay (Silent) with about it.
I learned all of this a couple of years ago and I live by these things. Recently a man I met was asking me why things ended with my last relationship and I let him know that's the past and I didn't want to talk about my ex, rather learn about him and get to know him better. And then I'm thinking to myself like " why are you even asking me that? How does that help you learn about me as a person ? "
Everything one does, how you act and react, how you think, what's important to you gives him clues to who you are as a person. It's all relevant. You can also identify red flags. Someone refusing to answer that would be a red flag for me...like, what are you trying to to hide?
You’re absolutely right! I didn’t fully tell my husband about my trauma until after we were married and guess what? His mask fell off, he was a closet narcissist and he used all my trauma against me and tested how far he could push me abusively until I left him for good. I should have followed my intuition bc I didn’t want to tell my ex what I’ve been through.
So what you’re saying is this video is absolutely WRONG, not “right.” You should have told him up front and saved yourself the abuse. The video is saying the complete opposite.
@calisongbird right bc if she has said it sooner (before marriage), he would’ve reacted the same way. And that defeats the whole point of this video🤷🏾♀️😂
Discretion is critical. Learn to listen, observe body language, and be selective about what you share on dates. Take your time to get to know someone. Avoid over sharing!
A man asked about my past and I told him about my trauma and 20 min later, he used it against me. This was a man I knew and thought I could trust. Women, listen to Tony. Don’t make the same mistake I did. Men will use it to make you feel weak and turn your trauma against you. Listen to this video until all of it is ENGRAINED in your BRAIN!! Thank you Tony. Bless you all.
@genevas I agree. Tony has been such a blessing. As for those 5 things…, Like Prov 3:3, “…write them upon the table of thine heart.” Tony, we appreciate you.
Yeah but it works for friendship too. If a person used your weakness and bad experience against you when they are angry they are NOT trustworthy . I still need to know your past in a way to evaluate who you are today, if you are healing, healed or in denial . Because if you are not in the process of healing I am not wasting my time with you
Yes this is why they want drink dates . Apart from the fact it makes you more willing to have sex , it makes you spill a lot more then. Always say no to drink dates, coffee dates and home dates of u don’t know tht man
So true. Worldly men and time wasters always want to know much about you early on, because they don’t plan to stay. A man that’s in it to win it, won’t be in a rush to know everything so soon. Also, I have noticed that, bad boys always focus on the relationship you had with your dad and or past lovers, because no matter what you say, negative, they are looking for your weak points, so that they can replicate it. I made the mistake and told a guy who was pursuing me about my dads bad attitude, somehow, he began being douchey towards me and he even asked me, is it true that girls marry their dads. Serpents, sociopaths and narcissists always look for weaknesses, insecurities and desperation in a woman because they are the takers not the stayers. I’m so glad my discernment weeds wrong men out fast and fornication is not an option for me so I always walk away on top, dignity in tact. Bad men are use to women running their mouth so when you have boundaries such as myself, they flee. Ha! I talk about these kind of men on my podcast, which can be heard on Apple “Decoding Spiritual Mysteries”
The other extremely important part of this is one must love themselves before they seek someone else’s love. What I choose to do in my life as an adult is my decision, and not up for discussion. What someone chooses to share with me, I see it as a privilege, and that I am earning their trust. When you love yourself and put yourself a number one while dating, certain types of men will stay away from you, because your BS radar is always working. If it’s 20 years from now, and you share something with your husband that he uses against you, learning to laugh in his face, and walk away, will go farther than picking up an argument. Self confidence and ownership of all of your existence is what disarms bullies, narcissist, sociopaths, manipulators, and those who are intentionally seeking to strip you. When you learn to love yourself, you’re actually learning about the person that you may potentially end up with. You must become what you are looking for because at that point they won’t ask you, anything that would be harmful in the first place
Perfectly said, there are some things that I do and do , while interacting with men I don’t recommend my girlfriends to do. I’m a very different type of person, and I’m emotionally detached but also emotionally invested at the same time. Did you read this clearly….”emotionally detached “ I have no problem walking away.
Brother Tony is absolutely right! I made this mistake with my last relationship. Thought he was my “best friend”. He used everything I told him against me and as ammunition in arguments. He even told others my business and tried to turn my family and friends against me with certain information. Be wise and have discernment ladies. Many of these men don’t have your best interest at heart.
1. Your previous trauma 2. How many people you’ve slept with. 3. Complete vision of what you want in a man. 4. About your last relationship 5. Too much of your family issues
@@jaymitaylor9937so true, they can't handle the truth even if they were the ones who asked for it. I learned this very important thing: preserve your innocence when it comes to a man. Do NOT tell him anything that could tarnish the positive image he has of you and do not EVER talk about other men - even if he asks. It's a setup and he WILL use it against you. Men care very much about how other people, esp other men perceive his woman and they like to think the woman he has is a rare jewel that no other man has touched or has access to. So play into that, and remember, often, saying less IS more.
@Make_emfall_inlovee Dont even say that. Cuz then they're gonna turn around and say that if they were GREAT men, then YOU must have been "The Problem" ...lol Keep it at: "just not for me"
@@MsSosoBellegirl that’s why I just don’t date 😂😂😩to solve this entire problem I don’t have time for the Narcissist men in the world. Nobody fixing to be sitting up playing all these mind games and walking on egg shells on what to say in order to control the way he’s gonna treat me in the long run no thanks lol .
@@jaymitaylor9937 🎯Exactly💯 I realized a long time ago dating is just a complex game that I'm not willing to learn hpw to play. I like simplicity too much and dating couldn't be further from such.
All of this - is why I have checked out of the dating game. It’s literally all a game. I’ve been honest and that gets you hurt. Being vague and withholding your true self for extended periods seems to be the cheat code and I’m just not interested.
I followed all of this very well until my mother visited our home and stayed for 2 months. My mother did not know what’s inappropriate from appropriate to share. It really discredits and/or puts you in a vulnerable position when a man gets access to all the unnecessary information about you. As you do these helpful things remember to let your family members know your expectations before letting them in your space/home.
You have to train a man into respecting you by not revealing too much about yourself so that when he is around people wo disrespect you, he will correct them immediately no matter who it is.
Here’s my two cents on this …. If you tell s man something and he uses it against you, run!!! 🏃♀️ A man who truly loves you will be sympathetic to your traumas and any situation you tell him.
I totally agree If a man is interested in you he would understand I feel when a man and a woman meet and open up about there pass then It show that they have had counseling and not afraid to be honest with someone.Tony is asking you to lie because his wife waited becy she wasn't comfortable telling because she didn't feel he would understand.Tony and his wife are just like anyone else He and her aren't IT as if they got all the answers I don't agree because to not tell someone now or then tells how that person feel ay themselves...can not be trusted tell the truth is going to come out .. regardless. Oh zI used to date your cousin..then wait until you married the n tell them ... right.Just because Tony's wife told him after wards proved she didn't feel he loved her that's why she waited years to tell the truth...sorry Wrong Answer,
This is what our fathers need to show and tell us from a child and throughout adulthood! We as black women have a long history of having no boundaries, trusting people blindly,giving access to our mind,body, and soul and also our resources,home,car, money, family,friends,and social circle,to where its almost impossible to stop this cold turkey or at all! It is so exhausting being a black women! Lord please be a fence around me! AMEN!
It’s exhausting being black period, but we serve a big God who has made us strong 💪🏾 black women, and that’s where my strength comes from. Otherwise I would be in a mental institution. The problem with us is that we feel we have to be everybody’s Shero. We have to put ourselves first sometimes.
I remember when my ex used my past against me when I wanted out, but it still didn’t stop me from leaving. Learned my lessons now. He try to make me feel like there’s no life without him, he try to ruined me and take away your pride. That still didn’t break me because I knew that was the narcissist in him talking. I’ve healed and I’m in a good place thank God 🙏🏽
I remember when my therapist told me that I didn't have "to share everything" and be honest with my husband about past grief and trauma. This shocked me.
Dating is complicated... sometimes I feel we are contradicting ourselves....some say it's better if someone knows about you early in a relationship so that they decide if you're compatible. If you tell them late in a relationship, they say you lied abt yourself🤷♀️...it's a jungle out there! Thanks TG for the lessons nonetheless❤
You don't tell him,not at the beginning, not later,your past and your bf/husband has no connection, if it's not something that will affect our relationship,then I'll just seal off my mouth
I would like to add that a MAN should ALSO NOT be telling you all of his most recent trauma in his relationship either. I found myself being a "therapist " to a man who was going through an excruciating divorce and let me tell you. As a woman who has a lot of empathy, I grew emotionally bonded to this man because it felt like I was living his experience. I misconstrued what we were sharing as a "friendship". He called it friendship. But in the end, it was NOT in any way a reciprocal friendship. Once he completed his divorce, got custody of his child, and got spousal charges against him dropped, then he no longer "needed" my friendship and obviously did not have any qualms about ending it.
Never date men who are going through a divorce. My ex-husband had a new girl every month. And in the end, he ended up with none of them. You were his filler. Divorcing men call it another word, too vulgar for writing.
You were a destruction to him hunnay to keep him functional ....sorry you had to experience all that..I had the same encounter to.. we Unlearn to Learn ...
👌🏾 So, don’t tell a man you are empathetic, wear your heart on your sleeve, love hard,, etc. Basically, meaning, don’t imply that you will be his therapist.
All this is true but its ashame that a person can be real about upfront .lol thats why i choose to be single , im having dealings with God things been going steady too❤🙏🏼🙌🏽
My late husband of 32 yrs and I had all these conversations within the early years. It helped us grow closer together. We were able to laugh or cry about things together. We had the maturity to have innerstanding that we all have a past that is still a part of you and your journey, and that is embracing each other wholeheartedly. We became each other's best friend until the very end. We grew into love with one another. If you can't share the most intimate things with a man you are considering a serious relationship with, you are not being transparent. Not a good foundation.
I appreciate advice but have to say as a woman there are so many people/podcasts etc that says do this or don’t that as a single woman… it is extremely overwhelming and a bit disheartening from my perspective.
I agree because being naked and unashamed is essential in marriage. Especially Godly marriages. However, I imagine the speaker is speaking to a world full of all kind of characters and maturity levels.
Ladies, Tony’s speaking facts! #4 is so important bc a lot of men are subconscious followers of other men meaning he’ll treat you just like the last guy bc he hasn’t established his own principles of manhood to live by. Also, ppl tend to treat you however you allow, so be prepared to be tested and tried when you take Tony’s amazing advice! Let him learn you frfr-no cheat codes.
I'm getting to the point where I don't feel comfortable sharing anything outside of a therapist. Everyone is capable of using everything against you. I also feel like looking for a partner is looking for a rainbow 🌈 unicorn 🦄. I've lost interest in dating, it seems so toxic.
It a bittersweet feeling reading through the comments. It’s reassuring to read how many of us women have endured and shared similar pains/experiences in our lives. Yet it’s painful to know how many beautiful, special women are not being properly loved, cherished , and respected as God intended us to be. May God bless, keep us strong and remind us everyday that we deserve to be loved. Remember, all we really need is his love and self love!!❤🙏
Actually I did tell this guy my secrets. He told everyone, but like the saying goes "what goes around comes around." I realize, no matter how quiet I kept about my past trauma. There were people who knew about it anyways. That's why I'm free now, because of him I don't have anything to hide.
I love how my transparency reveals a man's true character. If I can not trust you with my transparency then I will not invest my spirit and soul. A woman who is unable to be transparent with a man feels she can not trust him with the deepest parts that are the root of her. This is my perspective. If laying it all on the table triggers judgement in a negative and toxic way. Then we're not meant to build together but that's just me. For I am my past and love it with all of me, so it's all or nothing! As far as him playing a role, go right on ahead and entertain yourself because that mask will lose its glue, and when it does I will thank you for the show. Again, transparency is everything with me, if you can't be transparent you are not healed enough to do so. I'm straight forward and have been very successful with strengthening my wisdom to identify toxic personalities. If you can not be my best friend, you can not elevate to the next level. Sharing your past experiences does not mean you give permission. Ladies simply take your time with any man. If you have self control do not allow him to intertwine with your soul unless or until you know it's going to elevate into a marriage if that's what you want. This way you lose nothing and gain wisdom on what his true intentions were. If it's physical, he will leave soon, if it's to build a future he will invest in long-term learning. You will become the University for him and he will embrace and enjoy attending class and aiming for a 4.0 to graduate with. Otherwise if he's just for entertainment or to pass time. None of the above matters anyway. He's just there until you change the channel.
Yes exactly I agree with this one telling someone your healed trauma or past experiences does not give them permission at all . I too also value the same things as you do and would like to have a partner u can trust with my soul and parts of me I wouldn't normally share i don't see it as weakness to let certain things out its just what makes you , you and if that partner does home you for it then be it if you've healed from it then it has no place destroying all that you have built in yourself .
THIS!!! Now you should make your own channel and speak on this more in depth, I love the obvious experience and eloquence in your words and can relate to everything you said..while this video definitely has valid points but it seems it's more about dealing in toxicity I feel once you've elevated not only in spirit but vibration you will most definitely ATTRACT the person you can and should be transparent with because this is how you connect and truly understand who the other person is. This comes with healing and acceptance of who and what you are based on your life's journey and your person will not only be attracted to you like a magnet but also value you based on these things..
Thank you for saying this! Because what is the point of being in relationship if you need to be constantly scared? People just focus on wrong things when you should focus on yourself and God. What others do is none of your business. If someone is trying to take advantage of you, you already know what to do..people just don’t know how to leave or set boundaries.
I would say dont tell these things to your co-workers either because they will spread it to others. I loved talking to this one lady at work. We were cool and she would tell me all the other ladies business.
This is exactly why I always tell people that me and my ex outgrew each other when they ask why my last relationship ended. That's the only info someone will ever get out of me concerning my last relationship. These men are something else these days and most of them belong in the trash🗑️
I wish telling a man my script he would act it out, at least hes trying.. the things i need from a man cant be acted out, they must come from a sincere and honest place
Yup, stop giving these dudes a “script” that they can play a role with. In fact stop telling your business in general. Move in silence and build trust over time.
I'm a naturally private person anyway so it's not too hard for me to withhold information on the front end. However, once I warm up to people, I would share a little too much sometimes and I started realizing people would use that information to determine my value, see how far they could go by trying me, bringing things up later to "prove a point" etc. After my last situationship, I decided I wouldn't be sharing the details because for one it was embarrassing anyway and two I don't need anyone thinking because I went through that situation that I'll tolerate the same or worse. They'll feel like you're being audacious when you stand up for yourself and try to push you back down, based off what they know about your past. We go through things to rise up, learn lessons, become better individuals, establish boundaries self love/worth; so its an insult for someone to take that information, use it against you and think you're still the same person you were during that period in your life. It almost creates a whole new kind of trauma, so the therapist suggestion is gold. Very well put!!!
@@abisolaadesewa1624 I'm sorry you had to experience that. It feels like that at first, but time is going to be your best friend. I thought I'd never get over mines too but the more time that got in between me and the situation, the better things became. It also helps to discontinue engaging with them; everytime you engageit's like it reset the healing clock. I got through it and so will you 💟🫶💟🫶
They see you as imperfect and themselves as perfect. When they have so many issues that they never tried to dissolve before getting into another relationship. They will try to deceive you till the end. It is better if you pursue a relationship to tell the other person nothing about yourself and do not have sex with them, neither live in the same space. The old people have a saying. Come and see me and come and live with me are two different things. Be wise
@@abisolaadesewa1624 You can do better. Give yourself time to heal mentally, physically, etc. Take care of you. Just do not be intimate no one else. Let them work for your value.
@@abisolaadesewa1624OMGOSH me too. Have known him for 35 years. Dated as kids and then again recently. He assaulted me because he thought he saw me somewhere other than where i actually was and didn't believe it wasnt me when i said it wasn't. I later found out that he was seeing someone else he met on dating app months ago mind you we lived together and have been together on and off for the last 5 years. I know now he was projecting however this has left me not trusting anything anyone says and i know this will take a lot of work for me to heal from this.
That’s messed up we can’t discuss private issues among one another… cuz telling the wrong man can be detrimental & your business will be out there… smh… it’s so sad…
Best Advise Ever!! Don’t tell them ANYTHING that could be used against you in bad times!! An old saying is that “you should take some things to the grave!” Be wise and protect your mental health from predators!!
Measure of his character. Blessings in the storm. Imagine u didn’t know he was capable of that and you never told him and he treated you well. You would have wasted years with a devil to find out his true character later on. He took off his mask and showed he was a wolf. Did u a favor. He was blocking your blessing of a man capable of real love. You deserve to be with a person of integrity, manners, and morals. That’s immature and abusive. Not the woman’s fault. You did right by leaving him. Give thanks. There are men that would never. No one trying to marry the 9 out of ten that would. This guy in the video is bias from a male perspective. You got it sis. 💞💞💞💞
However, a man will hear your pass and hear your triumph and know this is a strong woman a respect the cross you've had to bare. A boy is looking for a easy play and think no one's has every had trial and tribulations in their lives. My husband and I discussed our hurdles and saw the light within both of us. Just know the mindset of the person you're speaking to.
I have never felt the loss of not having a dad until I just watched this video! I mean I know a good dad could’ve put me on the right path to monetary success but everything he mentions in this vid is every mistake I am constantly making and never had a man tell me that I’m doin it all wrong🥺.
It’s unsettling to hear there are ‘people’ out there that get into romantic relationships to take advantage of others and to use, abuse then discard them. I’d rather stay single, less drama!
MY GOD.. My SistaFriend did this opened herself all the way up and both my womens intuition/discernment knew he was a demon in human form. He took her thru 2.5 yrs of toxicity using her trauma against her AND telling other women he was cheating with abt Sistafriend issues and that side chick threw it back in her face... it hurt me sooo bad to see her foolish over that BUM! I kept praying with and for her.. She's physically free from that demon in therapy, new house, car. She leveled up and Karma has now taken over demons life in a bad way. You cant keep mistreating people(women) and believe no consequences will ever knock on the door
Over sharing is ny biggest problem 😭 I will literally talk to anyone! As I have no shame about what I've been through... But I definitely get it!! I've recently started back journaling to help from venting But it's hard sometimes
Me too. Why do we do that? Men tell me all their secrets, I tell no one. Next thing I know my secrets are the latest gossip. Now I say nothing. Best wishes
@@alyssaambere5429i dony blame you..strong minded women do the most...we don't give a fck we talk thinking is a free conversation...cause we see life from a simple angle but sometimes we don't know these evil creatures are getting empowered😂
Tony, you are absolutely correct. You are talking facts and you do not have to be concerned about the other relationships coaches. They are not you. My mama used to say take your burdens to the lord and leave them there. A man cannot save your problems. Men gossip worse than women. They are not loyal.
This is why it's vital to make the new man in your life who's interested in you a friend, first. A friend already knows who you are and less likely to judge.
Telling some one trauma is vulnerability. Vulnerability is a strength. When a woman tell me her trauma it makes me love her more. Knowing a person changes the outcome how you see them. People with trauma and considered under dogs, and every body wants the under dog to win. Women and men it’s ok for you to vulnerable because it’s a strength with your truth. Blessing to everyone.
Thank you Tony! This is 100 facts when telling a man all what you want. He will go and get the costume at Party City and ready to play! I learned that lesson.
Whew I wish I could’ve learned this lesson from this video rather than the hard way. I told a man about my traumas and things I’ve been through in previous relationships. I later found out he was running behind my back telling his baby mama my business and she would throw these things in my face when she would text and harass me. It was a hot mess and I thank God I was able to leave him alone. But ladies, protect yourself and your business. You never know who he’s sharing your business with or how he intends to use it.
Wow, that means he was playing both sides. Telling her your business to try and downplay whatever you and him had going on. Then that gave her audacity to come at you.
@@Prosperityessentials That’s exactly what it was. And she would come at me as if I was the only one getting played 🤣🤣 I just thank God I got out of the situation without a child. I would’ve hated to have been stuck with those people in my life. I wish them the best 🤷🏾♀️
Discretion is essential to a women’s value, respect, and influence. Disclosing information about your past and traumas to your mate under the guise of transparency, humility, or because of religious beliefs is very risky so I see how revealing these things slowly over time while observing one’s character, intentions, and measure of trustworthiness is important. I appreciate the wisdom and for being a ministerial servant for women Tony. 🙏
Basically, be positive at all times. If you can remember to stay in that positive mindset, no matter what it’s about.. self, work, family, life, past… you’ll be fine
I agree with it all. Never let that man know about your bank account(s) out the gate. There are male golddiggers out there and once they've gotten all that they want, they'll move on to the next.
Truth! I am saddened to see how common hobosexuals have become. I had a guy a couple of years older than me encouraging me to go for a promotion. He knew I was divorced after a 25 year marriage and living in a decent neighborhood and doing alright even without the job. He started talking to me about shacking, buying homes, etc. and I quietly listened while he revealed his true motives before I cut him off. I can't believe how many grown men are out here trying to freeload off women. It's important to be healthy before dating because these sharks are coming from all directions. Some men target divorced women with children (and alimony) and assets. Worse, I am already on guard against being the object of some man's fettish of black women. (I live in a predominantly white state), but I now I have to look out for the one's looking for a financial upgrade too. I've been single 5 years now and I'd rather stay single than jump into something crazy...again.😧😞😠
Tony, this one going viral as it should. This is important for women to know. Often times, women share way too much information with men. Unfortunately, most men in the world will use certain things against you.
I think it’s good to be up front. I was very upfront with my now husband. I think it’s only fair to let them know what they are getting into. I told him that I believe in traditional gender roles. So, I believe in chivalry and expect whoever I marry to be able to support me as a stay at home mom. My friends couldn’t believe I told him those things before we were a couple. I was upfront with my past because it was polar opposite of his. I didn’t want to waste my time if he or his family didn’t accept certain things about me.
I agree 💯, I mean I get what he's saying but I also feel like not being upfront with someone is like lying to them. Why waste your time and their time. If they don't like what you have to say, then they obviously aren't meant for you.
I’m to old to be putting up with more from a man. Life is to short. Women let Jesus be your man your one and only because you can pour your heart out to Jesus and he will never hold it against you.
What’s crazy is your describing my ex boyfriend; he told me all his and his family business within three months. Details of every failed relationship, what he wanted in his next one and was upset that a. I wasn’t appreciative of his vulnerability considering I consistently encouraged this man to go to therapy and b. at the end of the 3 years he still didn’t know ANYTHING 🙅🏽♀️ about me. Well as far as my past traumas and relationships and I didn’t tell him anything about my family, he didn’t even meet them until the 2 1/2 year mark and I met most of his family within 3 weeks. He was looking to use a relationship to heal him and I couldn’t do it.
As a woman, when 1st meeting women friends as far as work related etc. it’s always STRANGE to me when they TRAUMA DUMP there whole Life story …it makes me pull back and say I DONT WANNA YOUR FRIEND you are wayyyy too much ! So I can only imagine how MEN feel! We know most aren’t equipped for those level of emotions.
I remember with my ex bf we spoke about this after some time together and I told him my number and when I asked him he told me he doesn’t share that. And I responded with “well I told you!” And he simply stated “well that’s none of your business.” My respect for him sky-rotted after that. We were together for 4 years, I learned so much with him, probably the most mature man I ever knew.
At first I thought you were being too strict with this advice. Then I started thinking about my past relationships and remembered how information I shared was used against me. You’re absolutely, 100% right that we need to keep our business to ourselves until that man becomes a husband and even then I want to be careful what I share. Thanks, Tony. I needed to hear this.
My Grandfather used to say, the one who speaks less has the power. It seems being so vague would appear like dishonesty. I’ve made all these mistakes in the spirit of transparency. 🙏
Thank you for your complete honesty but you also forgot how much money you make, if you make more than him, he will intentionally work minimum wage and breadcrumb you for years!
