Very important 👔💃🌃 segment.....Gain self_confidence...... Don't focus on ....."THIS DATE IS DA' ONE' GOTTA' WORK '!!".......GIRLZ/LADIES DON'T.......STOP' Speaking bout' Yo' EX....ASKING....What I/U...DO FO' A' LIVING'!! Speaking bout' some Rich' 🌹👞man......U basically FUCKED'!!???
Guys: Don't agree with everything she says. Be yourself and stay strong with your opinions. She'll respect that. Girls: Don't take forever to respond to texts. It messes with guys' heads. If you're too busy to chat, say so. If you're not interested, say so.
@Nitrodamousthat’s why I don’t like texting girls. This year I’ve only texted 2 girls and they both took about 24 hours to respond. Just a complete turn off.
@@jaimegranado7278 It is ridiculous because we know they've read the text, they're just choosing to not respond to it. Very inconsiderate and juvenile.
I don't worry about how long anyone takes to reply to texts. If I want a quick reply I either say in the text or I phone up. My phone is always on silent for texts.
On the topic of insecurity, I find it unfortunate that people often can't tell the difference between someone running themselves down, and that person being able to admit their shortcomings. One of these is definitely insecurity, and the other is a definite confidence and humility.
That’s true but when you’re first getting to know a woman you should never share your shortcomings. She will judge you and stay away because she’ll only see those shortcomings that you’ve revealed to her. Your shortcomings will naturally reveal themselves in the future. Then you can confidently admit that you are working on said shortcomings.
@@deadringer333 I think that’s a bit shallow. You are who you are and your shortcomings are a part of you and if they don’t accept it then they have the insecurity not you.
@@fatherlucid4995 how’s it shallow to not reveal your shortcomings in the beginning stages? Your shortcomings will reveal themselves naturally as things progress. Revealing too much too soon will scare her away. You aren’t obligated to share your negativity qualities. I guarantee she will use that info against you.
@@deadringer333 better to scare them off than having a naging bit#h all up in your character flaws later on, doesn't mean one should list ones shortcomings, but one shouldn't hide them either, and one should keep shotcomings which they can use to attack and moralize you a secret, cause emotional females can't stop themselves from using it against you in the most horrible way.
@@havardwindingstad4112 I never said to keep secrets. Everyone has shortcomings. All I’m saying is you don’t need to list all of yours when first getting to know someone.
Big turn offs for me: -If you feel you are being evaluated by her. -she treats you like a consolation prize, disposable -she talks too much about other guys -she makes you feel used -she complains a lot, being negative -she doesn’t like herself, or loves herself too much, believing she is perfect
Yes, and that should have been #1. Women talk about the men they are interested in. If she's with you, but talking about other men...she's just not that into you. A woman who is actually into you, won't talk about other men...at least not in any way flattering. It's one thing to make an occasional comment, especially unflattering, but even if is unflattering, too much talk about other guys shows that she's ran-through, and still pining for these guys who smashed & dashed her.
Summary: 1) Talking poorly about yourself (insecurity is a major turnoff) 2) Staring at her continuously or making no eye contact at all (the trick is to make moderate eye contact, and this takes some practice) 3) Being pushy (this could end up making her uncomfortable) 4) Putting her on a pedestal (remember, she is not a goddess) 5) Pretending to be someone that you are not (don't be a liar liar, pants on fire; focus on presenting the best version of yourself) Here is one that I will add to the list: 6) Continuously messaging her (While it is true that some women want men to be direct/effective communicators, don't over-do it. If she wants to talk to you or respond, then she will do so) What other items can be added to the list?
@@deadringer333true, first over sharing is turn off and also potentially dangerous as you need to make sure that she is not one of those girls who would bring up all dirty laundry and embarrassing stories, medical history etc in first sign of troubles. Yes, her close friend would probably know something regardless as it is how probably most women operate. So if there things that you don't want her close friends to know, maybe don't say it to her at all. Your partner should not know everything everything. Yes there are men that could be not sensitive in that regard as well, but I saw it way more in women.
@@myentertainment55 exactly! I recently over shared my negative qualities. Thinking I was showing her I could be vulnerable and letting her know that I’m working on becoming a better person. Nope she literally used that info against me and stopped talking to me.
@@deadringer333 while that is unfortunate, the important part is that you are actively learning from that mistake in order to become a better version of yourself.
Putting her up on a pedestal was always one of my problems. I always treated every woman like "She's the one!". And then when she rejected me, my worship would turn to hatred. It was a real strange way of thinking. Lost lots of time sitting around thinking about woman that didn't give a shit about me. Now it just doesn't matter to me anymore.
It's counter intuitive because if you like and are attracted to a girl then you've already placed them on a pedestal. I understand it's not a good self look from their perspective but at the same time you have to always walk this fine line of saying..."I think you're amazing" to "your shit stinks too lady (never verbally let her know that you're into her) Guys get bored fast. Ladies need not worry about being put on a pedistal for too long. lol
The woman has to show initial interest in you with a long stare. Going after a woman that doesn't show that obvious interest in you is a waste of time.
No-Nos: 1. No negative self-talk 2. Stop constantly apologizing 3. Stop staring or avoiding eye contact 4. No pushy behavior 5. Don't put her on a pedestal 6. Don't pretend to be someone you're not
We all do it to a certain degree… what do you do if you apply for a job? You dress well, you try to sell yourself as the best possible candidate… it’s all a facade because we know our flaws, we know out shortcomings because we are with ourselves 24/7 … no one else.
Important things: 0:18 First Thing - Talk Poorly About Yourself; 4:40 Second Thing - Stare At Her / No Eye Contact; 5:25 major important (and I totally agree with that); 6:23 Third Thing - Be Pushy; 7:20 Fourth Thing - Put On Her A Pedestal; 7:57 additional note; 8:35 Fifth Thing - Pretend To Be Someone That You're Not; 9:33 important note; 10:18 that's one big truth (it all starts from us, like it or not); and 10:39 to summarize all the told here. The things that you have told Courtney, some of these things can also refer to women as well. Generally, it's impolite to stare in people (but that's the life situations that we can discuss in some other topics). But It's quite normal to make an eye contact. Among the all mentioned, what I consider as impolite way of behaviors are these things: 6. Talking too much about the previous relationships that ended badly (that goes for either men, and women); 7. Playing hot / cold games (I would rather call it Yes / No games) (honor exceptions for those who don't play it); 8. Showing no empathy at all; 9. Opening too much (especially when seeing someone for the first time) (that goes for either men, and women); 10. Showing no interests in everything. And speaking of the sixth thing (Playing hot / cold games), I suggest that you Courtney should also make that kind of video or videos if you haven't made it. If you have made it, send me a link. Thank you very much. The color of the nails goes well with the color of the ring and the pattern of the dress. La perfection madam.
Correct, I do believe that men push the envelope(s) . While true women need to follow the rules, seems like men like to " play the game " . Men ( and women) are having a tough time getting their ducks in a row. Unless you think it is a joke ? Understand that a relationship should be good hearted......
If a woman isn't in her feminine none of this will matter, and if she is in her feminine then none of this will matter either. What she does matters much more than what you do.
You shouldn’t tell yourself that. Your thoughts become your reality. Change it to when I’m around a girl I like there’s a 99% chance that IT IS mutual. 💗
@@deadringer333 nope my thoughts come from my reality. Because I deal with reality no hypotheticals. Last one showed me 10 signs yes 10 and you know the outcome? She ghosted me with no explanation no reason and blocked me on Facebook and I did absolutely nothing to her nothing. She never even responded to me not even once after I reached out to her. And I was nice, kind, considerate and polite. I’m sorry I can’t date anymore I’ve been rejected for too long too many times and now I have absolutely no confidence zero that anyone has ever not ever will like me.
@@brianwaller7383 it sounds like you were rejected by a woman who is a RED FLAG. There is no doubt that getting ghosted/blocked by a woman (assuming you were a gentleman with her) sucks and incredibly frustrating. In my opinion, I would not let these kind of incidents discourage you. No one likes getting rejected, but self-rejection is the worse thing you can do to yourself. It's okay to take a break from dating if you want to focus on your emotional well-being, and try again later when you choose to. One last thing, and feel free to take it or leave it: if you like a woman and you know she is single, then you should shoot your shot because you literally have nothing to lose; women like it when a guy takes initiative even if she is not interested in him.
@@lawrence31415 met her at church she was modest, although can’t guarantee but 99% chance she was a virgin because premarital sex is forbidden. I didn’t know this when I met her but later on after scoping her Facebook profile, she lost her father at age 5. So pretty much grew up without a father. The only red flag I could see. I really thought we had a connection but 9 months later I’m still confused as day 1. I’ve since moved on and focusing on other things besides dating.
@@brianwaller7383 I’m sorry that you had to deal with a such a rude woman. Please don’t let her childish behavior ruin dating for you. Everything happens for a reason. Don’t take it personal that she isn’t capable of communicating. Take a short break and spend time with friends and family.
The internet needs more videos like this: clear, direct, and honest without being condescending. Personally in my past, the "talking poorly about myself" was a common shortcoming. Wish this video existed years ago haha, but I'm sure it'll help someone else. Thanks Courtney for the consistedly frank and helpful tips for all us dudes out there.
Honestly, after the chick who broke my heart in 2019, I just wasn’t her type. She wanted to be with other types of guys (guys who are rowdy and beings drink), but I, never wanted to be someone that I’m not, hence number 5.
It sounds like you dodged a major bullet that would have escalated into an unhealthy, one-sided relationship. A good woman will not force you to compromise your own comfort after you clearly communicate what your limits are.
YOU DODGED A BULLET. DATE FEMALES WHO DO NOT LIKE BAD BOY RETARDS. IF THE BAD BOY ATTACKS YOU, SMASH HIM SEVERELY, AND DITCH THE FEMALES WHO LIKE HIM. IF YOU HURT HIM TOO SEVERELY HAVE NO WITNESSES.
I think a lot of people also need to sit back a bit and not try to find a relationship right after a breakup. The biggest issue I've personally seen with that is people essentially try to pick up where they left off and get attached and comfortable waaaay too quickly with the next person. For me a turn off is when someone gets super touchy way too quickly.
Ever since I was going to school, I was NEVER under any circumstances comfortable disclosing that I was diagnosed with ADD out of the fear of being written off. It even got to the point where I was so ashamed of it that if I had a relationship with a woman, I would never tell her about it at all and keep it secret for life. However, what provided relief was that I was once told that I do not have to tell her as soon as I meet her, but to prove to her that I am independent first before disclosing my diagnosis so she would have nothing to worry about in the end.
For what it’s worth I’ve had serious depression and social anxiety issues all my life (I’m 59 now)... (I refuse to say “suffer”). I was properly diagnosed at 30 and prescribed meds which do help curb my emotional lows and have helped me “blend in” with society although they are definitely not a cure. I struggle everyday but realize that that’s just the way my life is. What I’ve learned and actively practice is, firstly, never be ashamed of mental health issues… ever. You are who you are. Taking care of yourself, being kind, tolerant and learning everyday how to accept and better yourself is the most important thing in life. Secondly, realize everyone you currently know or will meet has their own trainload of “baggage” they have to deal with as well. There really is no such thing as “normal”… everyone has either diagnosed or undiagnosed mental health issues or a series of regular life traumas that they have accumulated through their own lives and deal with daily. Everyone struggles but it’s how you recognize and choose to deal with your issues that makes the difference between “surviving” or living your best life. Take it from an old dude, life rolls on and we are all responsible for our own happiness. Love and accept yourself. Surround yourself with people who respect and love you just as you are. Please always remember… you are not alone… you’re just human! Take care my friend!
I know I struggle with points #1 and 2 a lot. Confidence is such a nebulous thing. It’s difficult understanding what exactly it is on a practical level. I’ll definitely try not to talk bad about myself but it’s an uphill battle. On the other side of the final point about texting, one thing I can’t stand that women frequently take too long to respond to texts. I have to force myself to not text for a long time just to pretend I’m busy just so she doesn’t get turned off by me texting too much. “I’m too busy” is not a good excuse.
Why even bother then, Courtney? This is why I go out by myself, go on cruises by myself, go to concerts by myself, etc. We can't do this; we can't do that. Really? Is the dating life so hypersensitive? As a widower for 15 years, I do not want to put up with modern women's B.S. What a bunch of crap! Glad you shared this superficial M/F interaction, Courtney. Glad I don't like "any entitled girls." It's not the same as it was when I was dating 20 years ago. Uggh.
Having low self esteem and/or low confidence as a man is literally worst case scenario. Not going to get dates, not going to get promotions, not going to succeed in general. It's also one of the hardest things to improve, so anybody born the genetics to obtain an average to above average level of self esteem should consider themselves very lucky.
I appreciate the video....but to be truthful here, all 5 of these things that you pointed out, I've never done thankfully..... So here I am at age 48, have dated a lot ........but still single, never been married, never been engaged, never been in love, have never received any kind of gift at all from a woman, never had a woman cook me a romantic dinner, never gone on a romantic trip with a woman, etc.... Keep in mind, I'm not some kind of hermit or someone who doesn't talk to anyone when I'm out and about and traveling..... sorry got off on a tangent....but you're right.....no matter what you do, don't pretend to be someone you're not....if she's into you, she's into you. If not, there's NOTHING you can do to change her mind.....
I’m a guy almost 31 years old, 6’1”, I have my own apartment and car, I workout 5x/week, I’m very athletic and fit, I make high end 6-figures but for some reason - women won’t give me a chance. I sincerely don’t understand what I’m doing wrong. I put myself out there all the time, I approach women regularly at social functions, I make them laugh, I flirt, I do everything I can and yet the result is always: “Sorry I’m talking to someone right now, but it’s great you’re approaching, so many guys don’t approach” or “Sorry I have a boyfriend”. It’s so sickening to be single at my age, not having regular s..x, not having anyone to share anything with, not having someone to love and protect sincerely hurts me every waking hour of every day. I’ve been trying for YEARS and YEARS to find a girlfriend but it just never works out for me. My luck is just terrible. I sometimes cry at night because I feel like this is it. I’ll just be alone forever since all I do is get rejected. Despite feeling this way, I continue to put myself out there and keep trying. How's it so easy for some people and menacingly difficult for others? I don't understand it and probably never will.
@@davidmtz75 What do you mean "focus on yourself"? If being in the best financially and physical shape I've ever been in my life isn't focusing on myself, then I don't know what is. This is BS cliche advice. Dating is truly terrible here in the USA and only getting worse. How come there are seemingly unattractive, slob looking men walking with beautiful women all the time? I'm 100% sure I can offer way more than they can in every way and yet they go with them. Probably because they're douchebags and women love that apparently.
@@jinaolen786 Of course. I hit the gym every morning at 5am Mon-Fri. I play basketball regularly after work and on the weekends, I play in tournaments. I build websites/mobile apps for fun. I pretty much have a very full life but no companion. I've had a lot of FWBs throughout my life but over the past few months, I've stopped engaging in them because I just want someone wholesome and serious. I really just want a family but it seems impossible to attain now a days.
I will admit, I sometimes still feel like an incel despite having a girlfriend, probably because I feel that my 20s were a waste, didn't have a serious relationship until the beginning of my 30s. It causes me to envy and resent couples out there younger than me, people who got to experience having a serious long-term relationship before I did and yes I know people will always say comparison is the thief of joy or don't compare yourself to others. But I believe it's always has been and always will be part of the human psyche, been that way since the beginning of time to feel upset and depressed when you feel you are not part of the norm. Because of that I feel like a forever permanent incel for all time, even when I did manage to get a girlfriend. So yeah even while I did have a girlfriend, I still felt like an incel. I don't see myself ever getting over this, it will be a pain and wound for the rest of my life. And I'm not afraid to admit that there have been times over the years I have hated being born male, because I know I'm not the only guy in the world that has this mindset, that men have to do everything in dating and relationships and seduction. Yes I know tons of people say what's the point of being angry and depressed over what didn't happen in the past or not? Well I'm entitled and I have a right to my mindset, I believe it's always been part of human nature or just the human psyche to always be sad and depressed or angry and resentful over good things that they wish happened to them in the past but didn't. I know I'm not afraid to admit I have had these thoughts, and I'm sure other guys have thought this way, we feel that if we had been born a woman, we would not have been single that long. Probably because women just have to exist and they are guaranteed attention and options from Men, that requires no skill or no social dynamics, no game or no seduction. Guys, men, have to know or learn all of these skills, behaviors, talk a certain way, behave a certain way, act a certain way, walk and stand a certain way, breathe a certain way, have a certain lifestyle, because leading or taking the lead is something that is behavior based, skill based, think a certain way, and many more things, that i either don't know or forgot. Women just have to exist and breathe and they are guaranteed attention, options, that doesn't require any learning or skill development, it mind boggles me and makes me annoyed when people say women need skills to succeed in dating. One person I remember I heard said that women need game as well which I thought was the stupidest thing I ever heard. So ya I still feel like an incel for all time despite managing to get a girlfriend eventually, and I still get irritated and annoyed whenever people and society say that men have it better than women do in the human mating game. I get even more pissed off whenever people in society say that a guy or a man is still expected to feel happy and glad even if he does finally get laid or gets a girlfriend despite it happening late in life or later than normal, it's not really the way life is meant to be lived and for women that reality is kind of basically just given her handed them, but if you're a guy, you have to work for it. It should be obvious as to why for all time there have always been more male Wizards than female wizards.
Things that make a woman more likeable (at least to me) Optimistic and doesn't quit or give up easily, I find this very respectable. Especially since my past relationships seemingly ended with the same formula of the woman breaking up with me after like 2 weeks without anything being clear to it pointing to be my fault. They didn't want to improve things between me and them, nor communicate any issues they had with me. They were all just kinda done without warning, and not only that, but my abandonment issues, despite how much I work on them and how much trust I give, they just kinda stand up after the beating my therapist has helped given them and like some super villain, they wipe the blood off their lips, laugh and say they don't exist without validation. Time and time again, I find it harder to argue the notion. Which is why the next time around, I'm only aiming for women who don't quit and that's a standard I'll drop once Lenny starts tending to the rabbits.
Only be yourself if you are perfect to women as is. if you are the other 99.99% of men never be yourself ever. Only be who other people want you to be. Because all of the things that are being yourself actually like being shy is super disgusting to women. They only look at outward appearance and never look into meeting you and finding out who you are until you fit their 100 outward appearance criteria to be worth talking to.
My girlfriend’s dog died, so to cheer her up I went out and got her an identical one ... She was livid. “What am I going to do with two dead dogs?!!” - Moscow, Russia
@@deadringer333 I have a quick question for you, buddy ... What is the best part of the US where a guy could meet and marry a girl born and raised in the US and having traditional family values? Do you think an American girl would agree to leave her home country and relocate to my mansion in the suburbs of Moscow? Have you ever heard of American women married to wealthy Russian men? ... The reason I'm asking: I'm pretty fed up with our devious, manipulative and overbearing Russian women and I want to try something different in my future relationships other than drama queens and gold-diggers ... - Moscow, Russia
I have been using Tiege Hanley for over a year, it really works! Very easy to use and affordable. I have been single for close to 24 years. I pretty much gave up after my 3rd engagement went bad. I guess I just haven't found that right person. I'm still open to finding that person, I'm just not making it a priority, but still hopeful.
The closing sentiment is very true; take ownership. I’m recently divorced and made myself take at least 6 months to focus on improving myself physically and mentally before thinking about dating again. This will “upgrade”the pool of women who might be interested since I will be “upgrading” myself as well.
Take ownership... you forgot another important (counter)part of that equation: Accountability And I'm still waiting for women to be able to use that word correctly, much less practise it genuinely.
I’ve been present for a few situations where a friend who liked a girl would try to impress her by making fun of the rest of us (other guy friends) in a talking-down-to or almost belitting type of way. Any time I’ve explained that to women I’m friends with they’ve said doing that is pathetic and unattractive if a guy has to try to leverage “being better than his friends” if that makes sense.
Absolutely correct, not just in dating. I'm long out of the dating market, but I would say something like, "This is my friend, Richard. He's my alter ego. He's actually James F'ing Bond. If you like that sort of thing." Assuming you're hitting on both girls, it increases both his and your value. It only makes you look good, giving credit where it's due.
Unfortunetly this tatic often times works on women (actually very often). Guys who are good at this are able to very intelligently make comments or perform actions that boost themselves up while undermining their guy friend. Its often very subtle, and women fall for it often. Women will perceive this guy as being the leader of the hierarchy within a given social setting.
@@robertnewett5932 Yeah sadly I have seen it work but the situations I’m referring to were when I was around 20-22 (28 now) and since then said guy “friends” have been cut off lmao none of my friends now are that type of manipulative + insecure guys. Live and learn that it’s also about the company you keep.
@@PizzaBurnsRed627 You are only right to an extent. Myself at age 37 now, have seen that this never ends. It only evolves itself in a different form. Women are biologically evolved to be attracted to men who present themselves to have authority and power over other men. Its the law of human nature. But yeah as we all get older we learn to cut off toxic people.
Thanks for sharing Courtney. #1 about avoiding self deprecation and not over apologizing is good advice. One reason why some people struggle with this is if they were raised in a culture or religion that encourages self-deprecation, extreme humility, or seeing oneself as inherently bad. But in 21st century America, it definitely pays to be confident, both in career and dating.
Yeah. It's more of an American thing. Self-deprecation is a valid form of humour. In Scandinavia, it's really weird to be boastful. We make fun of ourselves, because it's rude to even make fun of your friends.
Thanks again, sis. Things I don't like women doing. I don't like them being cold and not looking or smiling, or being nervous, or silent. The other way around I suppose. I like women to be happy.
And if you see someone that is very capable and competent but is unconfident and you push them away for that then that is beyond disgusting to me. Some people are unconfident because everyone around them put them down and treated them like shit so thats how they view themselves but we are not how we view ourselves. See arrogant people for example. They think of themselves as gods but we all know that isn't true. I find it very disgusting people judge from confidence instead of actually looking at the person in front of you and seeing what they are worth even if they themselves cannot see iit. If a women turns away somebody over their level of confidence in themselves instead of looking at the person and trying to see who they are I don't feel like they are worth dating themselves.
@@Justsomenerd69 I couldn't agree more. The world is messed up, but as tough as it is, we can't let the world change us. It is us who must change the world itself. And that will be challenging.
I feel this changed my mindset and perspective on talking to or interacting with women, I read it on a forum, I thought the guy hit the nail right on the head. It changed my perspective and mindset on talking to women. A guy was asking for advice on how to get better at talking to women, and people used the word practice "It bothers and annoys, enrages me or pisses me off a lot when people use the word practice, because the way I see it, for women, there is no such thing as practicing talking to men, because women's lives are on autopilot when it comes to talking to men since puberty, due to all of the constant attention they've been getting since then, women are forced to, have no choice but to learn how to talk to men, and they gain it right away by doing nothing since they don't have to open their mouth first" I thought to myself, never truer words have been said or spoken. I thought that was bang-on right there. and i got a response from a dating coach on youtube, which enraged and pissed me off more, while I don't disagree with him, I just don't like how he said the brutal cold harsh fact of how different for men and women when it comes to getting better at talking to and interacting with the opposite sex. It makes sense and I like to believe there is far more advice for guys in the world on how to talk to and interact with girls then there is advice for girls on how to talk to and interact with guys. He said: "Don't worry about what other people don't have to do or why something is easier for them or whatever the comparison may be. Focus on you, where you want to be, what you need to do to get there and then get moving." That pissed me off more when I read that. Another reason why I don't like it is because it feels or seems like the way a guy talks and interacts with people or a guy's social skills, the way he behaves around others, has a much bigger impact on his attractiveness or ability to get a girlfriend then the other way around. As in, the way a girl talks or a girl's social skills doesn't impact her attractiveness or ability to get a boyfriend as much as it does for a guy to get a girlfriend. Men need to focus more on the behavioral aspect than women do when it comes to attracting someone it seems. The main reason why i hate that, is because guys, men, can unfortuneately be labeled creepy or weird in interactions or social situations with women, even if the guy, man, never meant any harm, was never trying to hurt the woman, the reverse isn't true though. Also, basically, its like, men are always the ones who have to bring value to the interaction, conversation, we are the ones always trying to keep her entertained, be the one to ask certain questions that keep her attracted, engaged, not the other way around, we are trying to impress them in the interaction, not the other way around, we have to make them laugh but not as much the other way around, and im sure more than that i either don't know or forgot. And due to men always having been expected to walk up to women and open our mouth, it makes more sense for the man to need to practice but not the woman. If an interaction or conversation goes poorly or bad between a man and a woman,. It's always the guys fault, it's impossible for a woman to screw up a conversation or interaction with a guy, it seems.
@CourtneyRyan what exactly do you have to be self depreciating about? Your a stacy with a high income. You've got it made, unlike the men you "coach."
Never ask advice about things like should I take this job or any decision about your career. The only time you should ask if she is an accountant or attorney and you need help in those areas. Be a decision maker and leader not a follower.
1. Talk poorly about yourself 2.Stare at her / Not Eye contact 3. Do not Pushy 4. Do not consider above from you 5. Never pretend to be someone else Thanks you so much ❤️ Such a great informative Video . Thanks
There’s no hard-coded rules to dating and attraction. I have a few friends who are good with women and they use self-deprecating humor all the time (yes, even when women they like are around). Sure, if you’re constantly apologizing and beating yourself up that’s not good, but that’s kinda obvious. The only rule for guys is to never stop trying and never stop believing in yourself. If you like someone you just have to respectfully pursue them until you no longer want to. The only dating advice you need is material advice (i.e. is this venue a good date night vibe?). The theoretical stuff is rather useless because all dating boils down to is building attraction through some form of conversation, spending time with someone, asking someone out, and then repeating the process but with elevated intimacy each time.
Great video and advice Courtney! As I watched it I could identify with almost each one of your points as to why I would seem to get a strong intitial interest in me only to lose an opportunity to see if something could develope down the road. The just want to be friends syndrome. Where as I agree with you that there are many "fish" in the sea if you are young and live in a large city, its much more difficult when you are older (65) and live in a rural small town. Having missed that fishing trawler and now am now in a little rowboat. Having never been married or dated much, the learning curve is rather steep and learning as you go is a emotionally hard way to learn. Its extremely depressing to lose an opportunity with someone who has made their mind up before the "whole complete you" has the ability to shine through? Is there a way to "undo" the damage, to maybe start over with someone once you have lost them? If so, would you do a video?
Got me good with that first point. Sometimes I don't hear myself saying those things because so many times through life i've heard others say them to me countless times over. You just get used to it and think others see the same things and say the same things. Goes to say be nice to people and what you say, be more of a help and less a hinderance.
This video is right on point. What I find with myself is that I do these things when I am not feeling relaxed, so I need to chill. I know that if I say anything self deprecating it is immediate turn off.
Thank you for another great video, Courtney. I'm trying to get better at eye contact. I'm always so worried that it will come off as creepy. I'm probably way overthinking it, but the concern is there.
Yes!! I have to agree with the one of self-deprecating humor. I was going on a few dates with a guy who I was initially attracted to, but just putting himself down so much was such a turn off. I now realize that confidence is a big factor in how attractive someone is. Someone can be very conventionally attractive but due to low self-esteem it totally changes. I've also met lots of people who might not be seen as conventionally attractive to society but their self-confidence makes them very attractive! So guys (and girls), please learn the difference in humility and self-deprecation! Don't say things like "I'm way out of your league" or "sorry I'm so awkward", etc. (this is a big one that I had to learn not to say too)
I met a guy who used self depreciating jokes on himself and I knew instantly he was insecure. He did confirm that through other things he did and I’m glad I never dated him. It would have been a nightmare. He was a very insecure man but I would have never known he was insecure by just looking at him.
That’s code for you didn’t like his looks. You wanna know we’re that lack of confidence comes from dealing with women like you. Rejection and failure how the heck do you think someone would be confident. It’s like if you were going to be a CPA and fail the test again and again. What does that mean your not ment to be a CPA. A lot are not good enough and we need to be honest about so they can just quit and not have woman like do this!
@@garygreen3638 of course not, they don’t care. It’s simple looks and money with women. The rejections will catch up and the smell of faliure will stay on him. Women want the guys the other women want. At young age we need to start being honest with young boys. Tell them you might not get a girlfriend let alone a wife. It could be based on the lack of looks and or money. Tell them not to be nice and being abusive. Those are the things they want.
@@garygreen3638 Yes I did actually. And to the other comment, looks and money are not all that matter whatsoever. It doesn't help anyone to lump all women in a category, it will only make you bitter. My best relationship has been with a guy that I wasn't initially attracted to but that attraction grew due to getting to know the person (and he did not have money either). I feel that a person's character and personality play a much bigger role in attraction for me, so thus if they are insecure it throws off the attraction. We all need to take accountability for our actions, and I've seen how much my own insecurities have ruined potential relationships.
I have a self-deprecating sense of humor and I can't just turn that off so I try to make it as funny as I can so that people realize its literally just a joke. However, I don't overdue it.
You know, for something that we've all been doing since, who knows when (dating//meeting people//marriage, etc) there seems to be a huge disconnect on the "how" aspect of it all. Something that should come off as natural and fluid, is being approached and critiqued like you would dismantle a bomb. Why is this?
This is an excellent point, and something I've always pondered about as well. Personally I believe Men and Women are no longer compatible with each other on any level, and that the window has shut for any reconciliation between the genders.
Right. There's 1000 rules, everything is a no-go, and you should never be yourself. Seems like I'm compatible with 0,1% of women, unless I play this stupid game.
@@allesdurchprobiert And what's worse is the people who subscribe to the "biological notions" of Humans or Animals existing for only the sake of reproduction and continuing on the gene pool act as if it's a "birth right" to spread their seed and have offspring, and what's more is that if one digs deeper, they will find even more sinister reasons in which the genders were created, or why we were created to so not be compatible for each other or only existing for "continuing the survival of the species". But the truth behind this demonstrates we are not created by God. But it really does boil down to Men and Women not being meant for each other whatsoever, and this is both the disturbing and yet evil aspect about the creation we exist as part of. Very few Women ever will see anything outside of their biological urges.
What amazes me is that this is all very basic stuff every guy past 16 should know. The older generations have really dropped the ball on teaching the younger people.
This was a great sponsor for your channel! You have made so many great points on skincare, but I never take the time to get into what to buy and how to use it. For me, this was a great alternative. I also feel I watched so many of your videos that it makes sense to give something back. 🙃 Great video btw, especially the part about not saying bad things about yourself. It is crazy the effect your mindset can have on your confidence!
Since you asked the number 1 turn off is if a woman starts talking about her ex. That's a deal breaker. Tells me you're mentally and emotionally not present with me. Also one thing I've gotten better at is just taking life as it comes. There's a ton of stuff I can control. Which I'm continuing to improve upon. Things I can't control. Example: she's just not interested, hey that's fine somebody else will be.
Never put her on a pedestal! So true. In my opinion, it just makes you so cringe and pretty weak. Obviously it’s not wrong to compliment her once in a while but remember, she’s not a goddess.
I'm curious how you would feel about my situation Courtney (or other women here that might read this). I have both ADHD and low-grade autism, which makes it really, really hard for me to maintain eye contact. It's not a confidence thing, I'm usually comfortable with eye contact if I'm interested in talking to someone (my subconscious body language when I'm not interested is another matter entirely). It's more my brain constantly responding to every single sensory stimuli happening around me or getting swept away by random thoughts that causes me to break eye contact a lot. I've practiced at it and gotten better, but I basically have to babysit my mental processes and put a lot of conscious effort into maintaining eye contact for more than a few seconds at a time.
Just keep practicing at overriding your urge to follow stimuli, and it should become more natural over time. My daughter has the same issue and it's gotten better as she's gotten older.
I'm a guy, and I'm the same way. You just have to keep practicing. Most women aren't going to care about your struggles, at least not right away. They want to see success. They want a strong man that takes care of himself and can be available for her and the future family. With autism, things are more difficult but not impossible. Just keep studying and practicing, and you will be an amazing man.
I’m a girl, this is important and I know it’s a lot of work but maybe you could implement mental counting to ensure your eyes and brain slow down when in stressful situations, not just when talking to a girl but when you do look at stimuli maybe do so slowly and methodically. Maintain a continuous stare for 2-3 seconds wherever you ‘look’ to practice. Eye contact gets weird when it lasts an unnaturally long time, so when speaking to a girl simply catch, hold for a couple seconds and release her eyes instead of catching and holding them for over 5 seconds. When you release her gaze DO NOT immediately look down (she will find it insecure) unless you’re looking down at a drink or food, look to the side or behind/above her first as naturally as possible haha The best times to catch her gaze are when she is answering a question or telling a story or when you are answering a question or telling a story, as this indicates you’re invested in the conversation and you’re looking at each other to see if you’re on the same wavelength. Almost like you’re checking in to see if she follows what you’re saying or to confirm you follow what she’s saying. Use your hands to assist you, like having a drink in your hand or explaining things with your hands, this way, your hands will draw her eyes every now and then and she won’t notice as much that you’re avoiding eye contact. @mrmcbeth is right, women do not care about your problems until they are invested in you. Women love to help build their man up and support us one of the best things a woman can give a man, but you have to appear worthy of their effort first. Once you’ve found a good one who’s prepared herself to invest in you she will be more than happy to help you through your problems. So in the most cliche way possible, put your best foot forward and keep practicing ☺️
P.s. try to go on dates that involve more physics activity (like a hike or kayaking, indoor rock climbing, etc) so the eye contact is not so important and making mistakes in conversation and eye contact will be more easily excused
Hello Ms/Mrs Ryan, I discovered some of your videos by accident recently and they're very thought provoking and insightful. Of the many I've seen so far, this one by far has had the biggest impact for me, in particular the bit about the pedestal. I'm not even in communication with my past love anymore, but it was as if I was still putting her on one of the highest pedestals ever. Don't get me wrong, I'll always admire many of her qualities because they're plentiful, but the way that I was borderline idolizing her was unhealthy, sad and pathetic. For years since letting go of the almost impossible chance to ever be with her again, I've had the greatest difficulty taking the next stage and moving on. It's like I had a mental block, and I even meditated on it a couple of times to see if I could work it out myself. But it just didn't work. After hearing what you said early this morning, it felt like the biggest weight had been removed off of me, and I haven't felt this grounded and generally good emotionally since she and I parted ways over half my life ago... Genuinely, from the heart, thank you.
It covers topics such as talking poorly about yourself, staring without saying anything, freezing up, being pushy, idolizing the girl, and pretending to be someone you're not. The video emphasizes the need to maintain confidence make me famous
One of the biggest turn offs with a lady is when she talks negative about other people, especially friends and people she works with. Everyone has issues to resolve with others, but I watch carefully to see if a lady has a grateful heart or if she’s a habitual complainer. If she complains about others today she may be complaining about you tomorrow. Thank you so much for another helpful video!
I've been on the receiving end of this, and it could go along with being someone you're not: acting all tough around her. Being rude/mean to service individuals because you want to impress your lady. The way a man treats others is the way he will end up treating his lady. Or, he may crumple when he's faced with a certain situation that can and will turn him into a coward.
The only problem with "don't be pushy" is that some women (this is not speculation, I have personally met them and they told me this) aren't attracted to men until after those men start pushing their boundaries in a potentially-sexual way. I have personally lost multiple opportunities (albeit questionable ones) to date women because I didn't try to (in their words) "take what I want". It's truly maddening what evolution has wrought.
Wow, this was actually very enlightening. I've definitely done many of these things. It can be a vicious cycle: I explain myself to a date as honestly as possible, which leads to getting rejected, which leads to feelings of low self worth and low confidence, which leads to more negative self talk. It's hard to stay positive when you've experienced so much failure, but it's definitely a bit of a lightbulb moment hearing that working on these few things could make a big difference in how I'm coming across. I do wish people were more receptive to people who are shy or insecure and didn't dismiss them for these reasons, but I guess it is what it is and it's just something to work on.
Do not know if you already have a video on the topic, but maybe go over some things you should/should not do if you are going to end a relationship. Things for both sides in a relationship. I was a dumped about a month ago with a text message and was really affected by it. I personally think it is always better to end things face to face if possible, but I think it'd be interesting to hear your perspective as a woman.
Don't laugh at his hobby. The girl who caused my PTSD when she was flirting at me every day laughed at my hobby and the effect was immediate, she pretty much lost all chance of me liking her that way right there in 5 seconds.
Thanks Courtney for these important tips .you mentioned, keep apologizing is not a good thing, as you said it , most of the time it is not important to do so.and my best takeaway from the video is don't be pushy, and putting her on a pedestal, but rather be confident and be yourself .Great tips Courtney Ryan.
My 5 things guys shouldn't do around a girl they like. 1 be around the girl they like 2 don't be short 3 don't be ugly 4 don't be poor 5 don't expect anything to happen
Great advice Courtney you sound like my mom who was the most positive and encouraging person I ever knew and she said you only have one chance to make a first impression. Thanks Courtney make it a great day
I mean you could generalize this for any relationship, like friends, family, coworkers, etc. These are really good tips to forming and maintaining any healthy relationship
Men want 2 things from a woman. Trust and respect. Unfortunately many generations of mothers did not raise their daughters with such ideas of respecting and trusting their man, but to do whatever they feel is good for them, because the mothers were oppressed or kept behind by their man. The same manipulation happened with their sons. They passed the idea that in the modern world, a woman can do whatever she wants, and their sons just have to accept the fact that the "modern woman" should be served no matter what. This mind castration of boys led to a generation of males that never reached adulthood. You see men who feel lost with their mind stuck, not knowing what to do or behave in certain situations, and the only thing they would find "reasonable" to do is to act by emotion.... I find the decline that we live right now pretty reasonable, and I hope that things will return back to normal at some point, but the sad thing is that these generations are totally lost with women getting old alone and good men without being able to find a wife to make a family.... We live in sad times, but I hope this nightmare will end soon...
I'm 40, from Germany. Everything we boys were taught about girls/women turned out to be completely wrong. Which negatively affected my entire life till now. But the more I learn about "what women really want", the less I want them. I want love, so I need to get a dog.
Went to grocery asked a woman how to cook something we were looking at. She said I'm married and not interested. I rely you flatter yourself really. Now everything I see her she always starts a conversation.
Don't try to.impress a girl, just be yourself. It will either happen or it won't. If it does not move on to someone else, it will happen. Good advice Courtney thank you.
This is a great list Courtney. If you expanded your list to include #6, I'm thinking it would probably be that a man should NEVER send her pictures of his junk.
#6. Most important: Don't chase her. Pretend she doesn't exist. Learn to check out women using peripheral vision and panning glances. They will know you are checking them out if you look directly at them, even if they don't look directly at you when you do. Yes, they are THAT aware! She will start hovering around you and passing close to you to get your attention.
🎯 Key Takeaways for quick navigation: 00:14 🙅♂️ Negative self-talk and talking poorly about yourself can be a major turn-off to women, signaling a lack of confidence and self-esteem. 04:50 👀 Maintain a balance with eye contact when talking to a girl you like, as both excessive staring and avoiding eye contact can be off-putting. 06:28 🚫 Avoid being pushy around a girl you like to respect her boundaries and prevent making her uncomfortable. 07:37 🤴 While treating a girl with respect is important, avoid putting her on a pedestal and overly idealizing her, as this can create an unbalanced dynamic. 09:01 🤥 Be yourself and avoid pretending to be someone you're not when around a girl you like, as honesty is crucial for long-term compatibility and trust. Made with HARPA AI
I like the point about putting her on a pedestal. I've done this one before. never thought of things the way that Courtney mentioned it. Notes: When you put someone on a pedestal, you are putting yourself below the person 2. When you put someone on a pedstal, you are likely to ignore red-flags and see incompatability.
I’m a female watching and I absolutely 100% agree with everything Courtney has mentioned! Please please please men listen to this woman! She knows her stuff! I have had the experiences multiple times of what she says in the video with men. It’s unattractive and a complete and utter turn off. I probably would have given those men a chance if they approached in a different way or even had an ounce of confidence. Please just don’t! Learn from what Courtney says. Please work on yourself. We are ALL a work in progress and I’m actively working on myself too to be the very best version of myself too. I’m interested in men that want to improve themselves; not stay the same way and expect different results. It doesn’t work that way!
The problem i experience is that women are not interested in understanding what it means to be in a relationship with a man, which is a turnoff. The irony of it is that men and women want the exact same thing: love and security. All of what was said in this video apply to women as well.
@@havardwindingstad4112 I agree. I never said it doesn’t apply to women. It’s like I said in my post: we all can improve and work on ourselves. If you keep doing the same things you will get the same results
I'd Like to ask you Courtney Ryan, Does your advice pertain to ALL women around the world , or just American women??? Perhaps sometime you could do a video about this? I see a Night and Day difference in Behavior from one country to another, in women. And yes similarities too.
If I see a girl I like, I will casually admire her from a distance. Not stare, but a casual glance. I never approach. I figure if she's interested, she will give some type of sign. That never happens.
Courtney, I believe this is your best video by far! You've pointed out potential pitfalls that I can relate to. I was amazed to find out just how much of this applied to me. I have the utmost respect for you.
As an advice TO WOMEN - if you are in an relationship with a guy, remember your single friends want to keep you single and they will give you bad advice about how to "have standards"(mostly unrealistic) or sh1t test the guy non stop... it happened to me and, SURPRISE, the girl came back to apologize, but I came to the conclusion I was better on my own.
You are 100% correct sir!!! I am a middle aged gentleman who is just astonished by women in their 20s - 40s. Extremely difficult to be a male boss and manage women. You"re always walking on egg shells, not wanting to talk to them. They constantly talk about men in a way that is simply not acceptable for men to talk about women. Wealth is a prerequisite for any interest whatsoever. not chivalry, kindness. dignity or authentic interest in a particular individual. Young men are given a litany of demands by women who basically say you have to accept them in every way. Fat is beautiful, raise my kids from 2 other fathers, the majority of my dating life is sex on the first night, high body count with men and women , scatological humor, F - words in conversation constantly, recreational drug use, dressing like a hooker from the 1970s regardless of the occasion. And the moronic view that being a wage slave or your so called career is more meaningful and fulfilling than being a mother and devoted to one man in marriage. A good man has the options of a woman who acts like a man that society used to call a pig and a women that has done it all in every way shape and form with 25 other people and has absolutely nothing of importance or uniqueness left to offer.
@@toddjacksonpoetry Well, if one woman is worth it, but others don't... That means you are a simp. How come one woman is worth much more than others? I call it BS. It's putting her on a pedestal. If you need to make too much effort, she is not worth it.
Women are substantially more insecure than men in a lot of women already know they aren't all that great and that there are better options out there but they still want to feel attractive, but putting them up on the pedestal is telling them they are better than they are and most women don't like being lied to. It's the same thing of going around saying that you're lucky she chose you or you're lucky to have her which she's going to cringe and she's going to think that you think she makes poor decisions and that she settled for some loser and she's going to check out and walk away and it's because you talked to her like she's better than you. Hypergamy means women date across and up so if you belittle yourself or you prop her up as above you, she's going to realize that she can do better or that she made a bad choice
The chakra system helped me - when you talk about insecurity (putting yourself down, lack of confidence etc.) I learnt it may be due to imbalance in your root chakra - Similarly conversation skills can be improved with balancing the throat chakra. Other than regular exercise, there are many ways to re-plenish your chakra system - I found a lot of information online.
I find it important to have a balance between genuine self expression and self control. A balance between not thinking and acting lower of yourself than you should, while also not thinking and acting higher of yourself than you should. Balance has always seemed to be a very necessary thing in life.
