5 Reasons You Should STOP Being Nervous Around Women | Courtney Ryan 

1. Girls get nervous too 2. Do you even like her? 3. Do not overthink it 4. Stop trying to impress her 5. Rejection is normal

Guys that get nervous do so for mainly two reasons: A) we're interested and are constantly telling ourselves, mentally, "do not f-ck this up"; you might not like to read this, but many guys are aware that many girls will get easily turned off by trivial things, and that can put a guy on edge, and, B) as some people have pointed out in other comments, there's the worry of harassment accusations. Also, a nervous woman is viewed as "cute" and "endearing", but a nervous man is viewed as pathetic. I sincerely wish this wasn't so, but it is.

"We suffer in our imagination more than in real life"

Actually asked out a girl yesterday because we could have a decent conversation. Was rejected which stung but at least I won't have the regret of 'what if'.

I think it’s more about how to express yourself authentically rather than focusing on trying to impress

The ending makes a lot of sense, talk to everyone to practice being in social environments 👏

I feel the underlying reason for this is that a lot of men are making women the focus way too much and this subconsciously makes them pedestalize them. Attraction is a natural process so making it a focus gives more resistance. When you have something that you care about more it feels more natural and becomes way easier

This is one of the upsides to being ugly. Guys are nervous around women because they hope there might be interest. When you know there is none it makes it very easy.

I think not overthinking is huge. I’ve noticed when I don’t overthink the interaction and just be in the present moment it works out a lot better. I tend to be way more relaxed and it seems the girl is relaxed as well. Great video!

“Anxiety is the dizziness of freedom” I’ve been doing some reading in this topic and it is actually much more crucial to living a happy life than many have realized. As human, we have anxiety because we see possibilities of situations and are conscious of our own potentials. But unfortunately we are wired to that ‘fight or flight’ mechanism that makes us see social situations that pose no actual danger as dangerous. So anxiety is actually more than a symptom of something but a part of human experience. Those who can harness it will tap into a source of power that can make you almost unstoppable. One just need to trust one’s emotional resilience and realize that, no matter it’s up or down, as long as you love yourself, you are going to be alright.

I’ve always been scared because in my past a girl made fun of me and ever since then i couldn’t go up to one. It sucks, It was just a little thing that happened in my childhood and now i feel like they will always have some shit to say about me. But i shouldn’t let that negativity affect me anymore because it’s destroying me in the inside. It wasn’t just her that made me feel insecure about myself, I’ve been in many other situations where i was put down a long time ago.

Also on rejection. Your inbox is full of WOWs, every day. Heads turning in the street as well, daily. Your "I've been there too!" is equivalent to saying "I've skipped dinner once I know the feeling", to someone starving, increasingly malnourished, and not knowing whether he'll ever food find again. Yet having to act casual in front of a feast? You've not "totally been there" - you've *partially* been there. Some of the anxiety we share, you indeed have experienced. The rest of it, you will never - unless you get very old and try to chase younger men to no avail. ...and that, is a comfort zone you in your vision of things, that you are blissfully unaware of. Otherwise, great vid as usual. Yeah, small talk helps towards bigger talk.

When you’re nervous around someone, it makes them nervous too. Women expect a man to lead, and nervous people don’t make good leaders. Now if only I could stop being nervous around women.

I actually talked to this girl in my apartment, and she is from wales. When I approached in the lift, she actually seemed very friendly and talkative. Honestly, i felt like it was clicking for the first time which I am really proud of!

When Men get nervous or scared they should think: *"What would Batman do?."*

As someone who doesn't enjoy social events nearly as much as most people my age seem to, approaching a woman is generally near the bottom of my list of fun things when compared to all the other things I could be doing unless it is woman I already know and I have a specific topic to talk about

The biggest fear any person can have is their imagination. The idea of making up any situation, putting words into your brain, making things appear bigger/smaller than they actually are. Your imagination can destroy you and this goes for everything.

Something that helped me with being more comfortable is just knowing that things will work out and everything is not the end all be all. situations that you know will work out will cause less anxiety

Sometimes a woman’s personality is her best form of birth control.

And on the topic of rejection, I have heard numerous girls tell me that girls aren't supposed to be rejected, only guys.

Saying hello to people REALLY helped me out of my comfort zone with women! Great point!

There are stages to social interaction. When I first started, I had trouble even looking strangers in the eye, when I passed by them on the street. I figured "How can I hope to talk to a person i like and look them in the eye, if I cant even look a stranger I have no relation to, in the eye?" Sounds silly, but It helped my confidence a lot.

"Nervous" doesn't ever begin to do it justice. I used to be an absolute mess. 1) A new girl at work once asked why I didn't say much. I intended to tell her that I'm shy and quiet. Nope. Mr. Smooth here said "Well, I'm quy and shiet". 2) Once night after our company softball game, we all went out for drinks and dinner. The girl I has a crush on was sitting in a booth behind me. She tapped me on the shoulder and asked if I knew what the girl was saying in the song that was playing. It was in French so I told her I had no idea. A minute later... tap tap on the shoulder again. I turned to face her and she asked me again. I joked that I had not learned French since the last time she asked. She said "The girl is singing to a guy and she is saying 'will you go home w/ me tonight?'". Then just stared at me. Right in the eyes. In my mind I was like "if I was watching this from another person's perspective I'd think she was hitting on him", but she was incredibly cute so my mind also told me there's no way that's what this was. So, I said, and I quote "Oh...", then turned back around. So I literally turned my back on her. 3) I was leaving Best Buy one day and another one of my crushes walked in. She came over and gave me a hello hug. I asked what she was up to. She told me she was there to buy a computer, even though she didn't know much about them. At the time I worked for a software company, as an inside sales rep, that sold computers, network equipment, and medical software to doctors offices. I absolutely could have helped. Did I offer? Of course not. I was awkward around her, and, honest to God, before I knew what was happening, and without doing it on purpose, I just kind of started to turn to leave. Just like that. Mid conversation. That's not even the worst of it. I was at work the next day and told someone "Hey, guess who I saw at Best Buy yesterday". It was then, and only then, a full day later, than it occurred to me I could have offered to help. There are quite a few other stories, but I think that pretty much puts the picture in the frame.

If you pretend to be rich, educated, etc. she'll see right through it. If you say, "I will become rich, educated, etc." there's points to be gained from the confidence/drive.

Courtney, thank you for all the insight. I just got over a 30 year relationship and I'm very nervous about going out and dating. I've never been confident around women, but this helps take some of the edge off of my new journey.

I'm glad this video was made. From my personal experience, I get real nervous about asking someone because I fear of being viewed as a creep or a bad guy. So I know what it's like.

I just started doing what it is you are referring too, you are absolutely correct! I just got out of a 13 year divorce battle and then Covid hit. I started speaking to everyone and have become more comfortable speaking to ladies.

I agree with the comment about "not needing". That's why I'm never nervous about meeting women. If she doesn't like me--fine. I'll just go back to being alone for a while. I'm happy either way.

At the end of the day just build great confidence with yourself first in things that matter to you and your confidence will come naturally but first you gotta love being by yourself and work on those weaknesses you have. Great vid Courtney 💯

As for doing something out my comfort zone: I was able talk to a gorgeous girl at the gym today. Thanks to your story about that time when you were on the treadmill + your tips on how to tell interest, the whole experience was so much fun because I also did not focus on any outcome.

I know the scarcity mindset was what held me back for a long time. Plus, I lacked confidence. I still get a little nervous, but now I approach a woman as possibly making a friend rather than looking for a girlfriend. Or, I’m hoping to have a good conversation with a woman and then I’ll see where it goes. But, the change in my mental approach has changed everything for me. I’m less nervous and the fear of rejection is much, much less. Great video and I couldn’t agree more with the points that were brought up. Keep up the good work!

"but i've been rejected by a person who've i really liked before" one, as in singular and stopped asking ever since unless she had only success ever since. she wouldn't even ask anybody after that rejection! XD god damn! now imagine that feeling again and again and again.

Great video Courtney! Ive been in a serious relationship for awhile now, but I watch your videos to support your channel and learn something new here and there!! Guys, just by eliminating the scarcity mindset and keeping your options open, will make a tremendous difference in your dating life and overall confidence

Nervous? Nothing worse than stage fright at the wrong moment 😂 Maybe it’s me getting a little older (and hopefully wiser!) but I just meet women as people. I’m pretty casual/ easy going anyway...and notice that I have women comfortably talking to me. My missing piece is...where to from there. I think I might be slipping more into the, ‘hey, he’s a nice guy’ friend thing.

Hey Courtney, thanks to your videos I gained courage and overcame my fear today. I walked over to two girls in town and talked to them for a while. You were right. They were also stressed out like me. I will continue to try to overcome my anxiety and fear. Thanks again ❤😊

Hey Courtney! Just wanted to say, it's kind of a rough period for me (not going bore you with the details), but seeing your new videos always guaranteed to put a smile on my face, and make me forget my trouble even if for just a moment. What I mean is, your stuff means a lot, to a whole lot of people, more than you can imagine. You're like the girl next door/big sister for many of us, and as such, always welcome. Cheers and keep up the good work!

say hi to everyone i saw is exactly how i started to get over my social anxiety!

"The only fear we have to fear is fear itself" -Franklin D Roosevelt Edit: dang autocorrect

After numerous misses in several videos, Courtney seems back on track, knocking it out of the park. It's so true that we don't act like ourselves and then not get liked by a girl who really doesn't know the real person we are.

Dear Courtney, thanks for boosting my confidence. I really wanted to talk to this lady for a while (like 3 years) and finally had the courage to say hi because of your this video. You wanted to get me out of my comfort zone and I had to try. Before I approached her, I was nervous as hell. She was friendly and understanding about my shyness for which I was really thankful. A huge thank you to you Courtney, I would give you a hug if you were in Perth, Western Australia :)...

I think it's just people in general, not just women. I feel like it's also how we think they carry themselves. That's just how it is.

I think for guys the nervousness comes from the current #metoomovement. So some guys are afraid to go for what they want. 2nd rejection just sucks overall so guys are afraid and get nervous in hopes of not messing things up between them. 3rd his friends will make fun of him or worst he has to see this woman on a consistent basis (assuming they work together).

Great conversations are never met with a shy person. At first people can be hesitant but once you get pursuing and initiating things will flow. It takes two to make it happen

As a younger person I also felt anxious a lot of the time. Once I truly understood that this was an internal struggle and that, in general, people rarely care all that much, life became much simpler. 😁 Glad you are coping better Ms Ryan!

Anytime I'm around women my brain just goes "what even is English?". And yeah even if I don't like her. I'm just terrified of people.

You're nervous because your attitude in any social situation should be: I wonder if I will like her/these people. Develop self assuredness by doing things alone that fill you with joy and contentment.

I can confirm n2 works by personal experience. Yes going with the mindset of: "let me know this girl better and see if i like her" works wonders for me, not only take you off from that state of trying to impress her, but also help you talk about things that actually matters, making the conversation flows natural and engaging.

I love your videos. Not only do your videos help with dating advice but self improvement.

I don't give a shit about rejection. I know most attractive women will reject me anyway so with anything involving women, I go into it with very low expectations. I know she won't like me so I just don't care.

when you learn how to talk to people in general, it will become second nature

The first point is certainly good advice, and very good insight, regarding "butterflies". In my case, it's generally because I've thought over if I really want to get to know someone, and it's not only just dating, but wanting someone in my life, in general. As far as being "nervous", in your homework assignment? I've done that recently. Not towards dating, but just meeting a person that I had to figure out what to talk about (she was a very hard read for me ~ which is unusual, since I am partially paid to read people in general). My first time introducing myself to her was a bombed experience. I took a month, and reset, and re-introduced myself to her, as "core" as possible. And you know? I'm thankful for the "mulligan". She's pretty bright, and I've learned a lot from her, in the short time I'm getting to know her. Folks, it's not limited to just dating. It's good to get out of your comfort zone. 🙂

I loved the homework part! It gives such a personal touch to the video!

In todays generation looking for women is pointless due to feminism , and simping

There's something you're missing: Sometimes, it's not even about the girl herself. Some of us get nervous about the situation. It's the situation what puts us under pressure. I can be totally conscious of the reasons for being easy-going, accepting if she doesn't like me and I can act totally confident, but there's still a fireball in my stomach anyway, no matter what I do.

A recent encounter brought me here...I'm in my mid 30s never been nervous ever ...I had my teenage blips I was infatuated with my first love and maybe 1 other woman who is still my friend to this day...but this past week I had met a young lady and I have a feeling I've never had before...so bad I couldn't even sleep for a couple nights....my heart is racing even while we text ...this is new territory for me...I've been blessed to have had luck with women over the years and I'm usually never intimidated....and I've been knocked upside my head after meeting this girl

After watching some over your videos. Im realizing i really do need to focus on my own confidence in myself and stop putting myself down when things don't go the way i want. Thank you

Some guys don't approach women because they KNOW in advance they're gonna get rejected (so why even try?) --- I'm one of those guys. :-(

That's absolutely so head on when you said there alot at stake mentality and I really think that's can really do a mind trip on your action in a date or anything of importance.

honestly i watch these videos as background noise now, most everything courtney is saying i already know but her voice is soothing

4 months late to the party, but I totally agree with this. My biggest issue is my comfort zone and lack of confidence. Definitely need to put myself out there more and get into the practice of talking to people, specifically women, more. Thanks for always trying to be as fair as possible, Courtney 👌👏

Will the assignment be graded on a curve? All kidding aside, I needed this reminder today. Thanks Courtney 😊

My problem is just my horrible experiences in middle and high school when it comes to women, kids can be cruel at that age, especially to late bloomers. Now that I've matured and grown into myself, plenty of nice and beautiful women have been into me, but my past doesn't let me see past it for some reason

I had a poblem like that. My brothers. They are humans like you and me. not sth out of this world. Just talk to them like one of your buddies. no need for beeing nervous. yall got this!

Video is nearly 2 years old, but it just now popped up. I think this is an incredible video. One of Courtney’s best!

Remember she's used to this... by the time she even turns 18 she has been approached 100s of times. She won't fall to her knees nervous over another random guy approaching her 😅🤣😅🤣

Love your content Courtney, but I disagree with your point on girls being just as nervous as we are. Girls are approached every single day and interact with multiple men on a daily basis whether it's from approaches or social media. They are used to talking to the opposite gender and are much more comfortable due to the experience of interactions. Men on the other hand have to go out of their way to talk to girls to get the experience, which is where alot of guys struggle with getting started. That's why some are super nervous because they just aren't used to actually talking to girls other than maybe co workers or family.

Wow. Thank you Courtney, so so needed. This has been my BIGGEST hurdle!! Solid advice 👌 💯

Your videos totally make sense and I hear from you many things, which I already learned from my own experience and analysis. In order to be confident a person has to achieve some level of maturity. And there is no need to act or force yourself to do things in which you actually don't believe. Growing as a person requires being in uncomfortable situations and making mistakes while doing what you find right

Courtney fills you with confidence at the end of the weekend after all the failed dates.

"When you stop looking you will find it"

The way you explain things is so satisfying 🙌🏻

I’m glad I found this channel, very straight forward

Ignore all of this. Let women approach you. You’re the prize. Not her. Welcome to 2021.

I've just signed up to a watchmaking class! Comfort zone? What comfort zone? 😉

I've been in sales over 20yrs. Sales is about relationships. Anyone I meet woman/man I use the FORM approach. People love to talk about themselves. This works every time, any situation, and it's very natural. Family- where are you from? Are your parents still there? Etc... Organization- what do you do for work? How long have you been there? What'd you do before this? Etc... Recreation- What do you do for fun? What do you do when you're not working? Hobbies? Etc... Motivation- How'd you get into that? What motivated you to start that? Etc...

LOVE the straight up honest advice!

now i ll get even more nervous :)

We need go after girls that are similar to us.If you are Tech guy,go after the hottest tech girl.Don’t approach the IG model that will think you are a geek.

This might be your best video yet, thanks and keep up the great work!

Hi Courtney! You are always the voice of reason with sound practical and constructive advice. Thank you sincerely from the bottom of my heart for your wonderful words of wisdom. Truly appreciated by me! I am working through your other videos on RU-vid since i discovered you 2 weeks ago, when time permits. They are extremely helpful and you are always engaging. Giving a thumbsup like barely does justice to how superb they are. I look forward to the next topic with great anticipation. x

When you've been cutting your own hair for over 15 years, and have taken care of your own stuff for years as well as helping out others, it is really easy to be confident in your own self-worth as well as managing your own outward image with your ensembles, body and hair

Nothing to be nervous about? Only the fact that she at any time can accuse a man of harassment for simply doing nothing... and causing him problems for no reason just because she didnt like the way he looked...

Your affirmations are spot on, much appreciated insight !

Those are good tips. I’m doing them and it really helps. Practice over and over again. Do what you are scared of doing

Confidence! 👍

Everyone, think about this, Honesty scares your date, ignorance is bliss to your date. Just think about that.

I really like her authenticity, simplicity and clarity. Subscribe!

As usual, great content Courtney! Thanks for the advise....now I feel like in high school, sunday afternoon knowing a have a homework to be done.....hopefully the teacher is nice, but also demands results!

1. Girls get nervous too. Difference is, nervousness in girls is not a turn off for guys. If the girl can get through whatever it is with minimal effort, literally no problem. Hell, some guys might think it's cute or endearing. Guys being nervous, he's a beta male, he's weak, small dick energy, and all the excuses in the world to not bother with you. 2-5. Basically, stop caring, be aloof, no one is special, women don't want to deal with commitment from guys that aren't perfect. If you are anything less than the perfect man, don't bother thinking and behaving like the relationship will last, because it won't, and they won't even try, so you shouldn't either.

I feel like I'd be better at bank robbery than dating tbh

You're spittin' facts my sis! ,Now I'll put action in what you said!

The second point for me is the best and one that I learned the hard way. Once you put someone in a pedestal for whatever reason (looks, money, accomplishments) you're basically going into it with blurry vision and end up doing all the other points mentioned, more importantly you end up not noticing things that you may not like about the girl and/or is fundamentally opposite to your own values. The most important thing is, do you actually like her? like her for more than just the superficial things, if that box is ticked the rest just fall in to place.

Would love a reaction to Casey Zander

I’m not just nervous around women, I’m nervous around people in general....

Hey Courtney, just wanna say thank you for your down-to-earth, straightforward advices and pep talk. Subscribed and I'm glad to find out your channel. Cheers :)

I've overcome what shes talking about by going out with friends and being around a lot of women at clubs and events, making friends. You start to become more and more comfortable around them to be able to talk comfortably around them. It comes natural. That fear of rejection starts to wither away. She nailed it on the impress and fakeness keypoints too. Thats a recipe for disaster.

I never strive to impress, I always aim at making her laugh (or at least smile). I feel actively trying to impress means bragging, and that's not a nice (and somewhat arrogant) look. If I can make them feel comfortable and trusting around me and consistently can make them laugh and smile I think I am a good bit on my way to impress without trying.

Putting anyone on a pedestal is giving them the right to look down on you.

You’re amazing, Courtney, thank you for the great work!!

I never thought about all of this content you put out. I go to the gym a lot very consistently and know tons of people and a lot of people know me when I don’t know them. Even in front of the hottest girls in the gym I didn’t care that I would fail on a lift because it’s not about them. Most of my jobs have been in the public eye and sales so even talking to women that are wealthy doesn’t even bother me. Not saying my confidence is through the roof but more so I think my tolerance is very high. I work on myself everyday. I love to hear different perspectives so that I can evolve myself and improve.