5 TIPS FOR TALKING TO YOUR LOVED ONE WITH DEMENTIA 

After 2 years of never showing my frustrations to my LO, I literally went off a few days ago. I couldn’t take the verbal abuse anymore and my patience was beyond thin. It’s so hard to determine what is really them vs. what is the disease.

As a nurse for 40yrs I found it easier not to ask questions (ie do you, did you, what did you ) as it confuses and upsets them when they can’t remember. I would talk about my family, pets, garden, hobbies, sport, make up stuff, just have a nice conversation. You’ll be surprised how they often chat back about their childhoods jobs, family etc Couldn’t agree more with 2 choices, works so well for clothing, food, drinks what you’re going to do etc ( only way to deal with toddlers and younger children as well ) Two of my aunts had dementia, we had loverly chats about flowers and gardening yet they didn’t know who I was any more. Don’t dwell on what they cannot remember, find something they enjoy ie listening to music, looking at a nice picture book, stroking a cat or dog or watching children play. Don’t stop contact just because they forget so much

I was caring for my dear sister in law and she woke early one morning and wanted to get up. I found it best to grasp the chance as sometimes she didn’t want to get up so I knew it was best to get straight on with her morning routine. I was tired as I was also looking after my brother who had just come out of hospital after a major operation, I rushed to dress myself and then got her to the bathroom. All comfortable, washed and dressed she was sat in front of the mirror while I brushed her hair. She was in her eighties and looked so neat and pretty sat in her nice clean clothes. Suddenly she said my name and said “ your blouse is inside out” I glanced at my dishevelled self in the mirror and had a good laugh. It tickled me to think she was supposed to be the one with dementia .......

One of my adult children found you today! I am so grateful! We have just received an official diagnosis for my 78 year old husband although we have been dealing with various stages of this for about 15 years. I have learned so much this afternoon! God bless and keep you for doing this!

Thank you for this great advice. I feel very very ashamed. My mother has moderate dementia and I've been doing things the very exact opposite of what you just said. I feel terrible and guilty but I'm so dead physically with all the responsibilities that I've resorted to self pity. She, poor thing, bears the brunt of my moanings and impatience. I have to change my ways. Your video was an eye opener. Thank you.

re: facial expressions. I was taught in nursing school to wear a mask if you have to clean up a poop or vomit accident. It can prevent the person from seeing our possible (unconscious) facial expression. ;)

I’m so grateful......I do all of the above before even hearing this video. Maybe because I am generally a very caring and compassionate person. I can be firm and cheeky...but when it come to my bro who i am caring for, I could never be anything but kind and gentle. He was always an Absolute gentleman.....there’s not an ugly bone in him. Even now, his gentleness shows the man he really is. Drs suggested we give him something to sleep.....I decided against it. He just sits in the lounge, watching tv, no harm to anyone, and when he is ready, he goes to sleep again. We are 3 adults taking care of him, my husband, our caregiver and I.....so I don’t want him medicated to sleep......it makes them totally disorientated.....I’ve seen this in old age homes. Between the 3 of us, we can manage him. Thank you for all your tips. It helps me to see wherever I can improve, to make his life a little more comfortable.🙏🙏🙏

Thank you so much! I learned a lot today. My husband has been slowly declining and I forget he can’t understand what I am saying a lot of times. Sometimes I just get angry. Now I am learning it is going to take more patience. Thank you

My dad had vascular Dementia and died in Feb 2019. I wish i had known of this resource when i needed this. the Speaker on this video is 100% accurate with her advice for this topic. it's really good advice and seen several of these. This deserves deep thanks from myself for helping me to cope with assimilation g my experiences with this cruel disease.

#3 I have that habit of asking mom what she wants to eat. Sometimes I just tell her what I am preparing, and then sometimes she won't eat. I will give her 2 choices whenever possible.

This afternoon my wife took her clothes off at 3pm, and was crying in the bed. I gathered that she was upset with herself. Told her that she has a terrible disease, that she is brave, and that it's not her fault if bad thiungs happen. Told her several times that I love her. It's a challenge to know whether to talk directly about her dementia or to avoid the subject.

Who would give this a thumbs down? This was so helpful. Thank you so much. Good job.

Thank you. Your videos are just what I need. My husband has Late Onset Alzheimer’s. I am trying to keep calm and have noticed short sentences are better than long ones.

Thanks for covering these very difficult topics. Dementia is such a horrible thing to deal with.

I was crying from frustration and your video popped up. Your knowledge is helping me. I'm so grateful to you. Thank you for posting assistance/suggestions to help our loved ones suffering from dementia.

This site is a true gift!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't wait to read more tomorrow

This whole series of videos are so helpful. Thank you very much for continuing this valuable work.

You are an amazing help to me… i share you with everyone i know!!!

When my loved one with dementia is upset because they are frustrated - we say "we can do this together" (figure out what they want to say or what they want to do etc) we mention needs we have like "oh dear I need help finding my keys - hmm now where did I put those?" They might say "on the table" Thank you for your help now let's....together. Let's get dressed or let's find ... They smile because they have helped and are more open and happy about us helping them.

Thank you for the video. I had a break down yesterday. I broke down when nobody around. I started feeling really guilty because I can be mean sometimes to my dad. My patients get so thin sometimes. I am also taking care of a 3 year old son all by myself, without his mother or any of his grandparents. I broke down and was telling myself how horrible of a person I am, how I’m a bad son and bad dad…. I needed to hear this video

i am from india , only 5 months before I came to know my mother got dementia . my brother tourcher a lot to my mother by filling cases on her since then she was depressed . my sister took her jewels . I am the only care taker . I am jobless need more videos like this

I am glad I came across this video. My younger brother, who just turned 60, was diagnosed with dementia a year ago, and it is getting worse by the month. Fortunately we live together so I am helping him. These tips will help because I was getting frustrated too and will use your tips in coping with a family member with dementia. So much is involved in caring for him. Fortunately I retired a month before he was diagnosed with dementia, so it makes it a little easier. I need to learn to be patient with him as well.

Thank you Natalie! I am a big fan and have gotten lots of valuable advice through watching all of your videos through our journey with dementia. This one is a great "reminder" to all of us. The trouble I have is that we have a few long time friends who have known my mother in law (who lives with us) for several years and but don't visit often enough to grasp her decline. One lady in particular who I know means well, came by for a visit recently and her greeting went something like this, "Hello Pat! How are you? Do you remember me?" Protective me just about smacked her! It created a perfect example of the embarrassment you have described. I stepped in and diffused the situation by saying, "Hello Jan! We are so happy you could stop by aren't we Pat?" I did take Jan aside later in private and asked her not to question Pat's memory which is now non existent. She was quite shocked and hurt by my request. Not everyone will be understanding but my mother in law's feelings come first right now! L

Thank God for you and the work you do 🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏🙏

Thank you so much! My mother is has moderate dementia. She asked me to help her with her check book. Using your tips will help me to communicate in a way that is best for her. May God richly bless your work!

I’m really glad I found your RU-vid channel.

So thankful for your chanel I'm a 57 year old male caring for a 83 year young mother and I totally lost all patience this weekend and actual if I can mantain my level of patience ,I actually do quit well ,but thanks for your very practical approach it is helping me immensly,thank you so much.

I work in the healthcare field and find these videos of Dr.Edmonds very helpful in my line of work.

On the contrary. Thank you. Great advice. I’m a caretaker for dad and mom. I really needed that advice. I appreciate your video. I pray for your continuous knowledge. 🙏

This video is filled with love......

So glad I found your videos. There are amazing!

Finally, there is something I found that helps dementia greatly! It’s the greatest blessing ever! 👏🏽👏🏽🙏🏼

So thankful I have find you.Your wisdom and knowledge worth more than gold ❤

Thank you for this very simple but extremely helpful video!

First of all, I LOVE my father! He has Lewy Body Dementia. Communication is tricky. I am so pleased you mentioned hearing. When Lewy starts to get suspicious and retaliates to its surroundings, things can get scary. My father was always an imposing figure, and though now he weighs as much as I do he can still be intimidating, perhaps even more so as he grapples with the fight/flight aspects of the disease. Smiling is sometimes the worst thing we can do. So is not smiling. He will accuse us of "smirking," then will follow up on our modifications based on his initial complaint, by negatively describing the prevailing heaviness of the household's environment. Laughter and speech are among the first things we throw out the window when Lewy rears its ugly head. And then he/we suffer the consequences for that, too. Lewy is seldom satisfied. We walk a thin line. Going out is pretty impossible if we don't want to arouse the more terrifying features of the disease, yet staying home contributes to his belief that he is trapped. I appreciate your tips, your kind and caring demeanor. You are right when you say that everyone is different in their disease and we will only know what works through trial and error, but guidelines are helpful. Indeed, I would be nowhere without them. Remembering that Dad is the first victim in this nightmare, that he didn't choose this disease, that he is terrified by his knowledge of it when he remembers ("If I could screw the top of my head off and scoop out my brains, I would."), that this is the final phase of his life on earth--these things keep me going back for more. I ask myself, is it worth it? I think of how Dad is still in there, that he is drowning in the tricks Lewy Body plays on him day in and day out. Is it hard? Yes! Impossible even! But also, too, yes! It is worth it.

I really enjoy these videos oh, and I appreciate all the topics that you cover and tips that you provide. Thank you everyone for your comments, it's great to have such an open and sharing support . The videos have reminded me of how loving caring and patient is so important in the care of your loved one. I had this when I first started caring for my mother, it's only been 6 months, and I did find myself sometimes being frustrated but always kept my voice calm and always respected her

Dr Natali thank you these are great tips

I have seen so many of your videos. Just now seeing this one today. WOW! Thanks so much for sharing your knowledge on RU-vid. I am learning a lot from you, as well as enjoying the comments others are sharing. Carry on and keep up the good work. There are many stars in your crown! And you are doing all of this while also having to deal with what your Dad is currently going through. God bless you!

Thank you very much! I'm looking after my elderly father with dementia and being by myself it's a challenge! Your tips are wonderful! 👍

I am so happy i found these videos. So helpful. Thank you.

Great video for the person who is finding out what to do with their Loved one. Thks.

Thankyou for these fairly simple steps to help the one you love keep feeling good about themselves.

Gathering all information I need in case if it happens to a loved one🌸 never know when so better be prepared

Appreciate this sharing. Thanks

Thank you so much for all you do. I found you today and wish I had 3 years ago . My mom is 93 (July 8th 2020) she has moved 4 times in less than a year ... her choice .. the last move from independent living to assisted living ... she has had mild cognitive for a few years and now moderate . This will help me tremendously. Thank you 🙏

Thank you for this video. It was so helpful and had lots of practical ways to make everyday life better. i shared it with my sister whose husband has Alzeimer's.

I am using some of these tips for Primary Progressive Aphasia with my mother in-law. I am trying to teach the rest of the ❤family and I am in over my head but we all love her so much, she deserves the best we can do.🦋 Thank you for all the tips.

Thank you for your information. I find it very helpful and appreciate your work.

Very helpful! Thanks

Your videos have helped me a ton when it comes to dealing with my Mom who has moderate dementia...I really appreciate it!! Thanks!! 😊👍👍👍

Thank you so much for this advice. I am a new Careblazer. I care for elderly gentleman with dementia. This tips are going to help us to get along a lot better.

Some really good advice there. Thank you for sharing

Thank you so much for giving tips on all the things I do wrong with my mum. I realised it too late every time, but that also comes from the fact that we are in the early stages so sometimes I forget that she can't keep up. I also asked the wrong questions every week about what she wants to eat for dinner (frustration, panic) where she wants to go, from now on I will give her two options to choose from and if she is capable she comes up with someting herself. I understand now that in our values and norms it is in my world reasonable but not in hers, so I will do my best to correct myself and change that. Thank you so much again your videos are really acknowledging, affirming, and dealing with those question marks and difficult communication. Also I think I can thank you on behalf of my mother (81), who is not diagnosed but shows signs of dementia.

Thank you so much. I found your video very helpful and I plan on using your information to talk with my sister. I hope you keep up making these videos as you do a wonderful job.

THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS VERY INFORMATIVE INFORMATION!

Thank you so much. This is all so frightening. We are too young for this ... but here we are.

Thanks this was very informative and educational.

Great video, actually, this is a perfect and helpful class.

Thank you sooooo much, your advice is simple, clear, well explained and truly helping me navigate this process in a much happier, less stressful state. I don't feel so incompetent now and these tips are invaluable to me and my family. You're an amazing lady, thank you!! 🌹💐😇

Dr Natalie very helpful video thank you

Thankyou, such good reminders, much needed when sometimes the exhaustion might get the best of us, the last tip; so important!!!

Thanks for these videos. Taking care of my aunt. She is showing early signs.

I so much appreciate the succinct, clear, sound advice.

That was very helpful . Thanks!

Excellent advice Natali. What you say works.

Very helpful, thank you so much for sharing your wisdom. : )

Thank you. Very useful!!

THANKS for Prime directives..

Thank you for all your advice. I’m trying to learn as much as possible.

Thank you for these tips, very helpful !!

Fabulous. Thank you.

For those who have elders who can’t hear 👂 even with hearing aids, avoid screaming and instead use a mini board to write things down or use your NOTEs 📝 App in your phone or iPad to communicate, sometimes we try to make them hearing us by yelling but this will give the wrong impression. The lip reading can be misunderstood by elders, they will pick up 2-3 words but they will create their own story, so please when you have exhausted yourself trying to make yourself be heard, use the writing notes ! Makes a huge difference.

She was very easy to follow.

This video is so excellent, wise and helpful. And the speaker is so lovely - and: where did you have those dog pictures painted? I love that style! Did you paint them yourself, I wonder, or a friend/relative? They're great! Not to deflect. I'm in a caregiver course and they included this video and it is EXCELLENT, I really appreciate it. (For example: the part about the person remembering the way they're made to Feel: I have heard that before, and it's great advice to be reminded of. Thank you.)

Thank you sharing great tips. I am going to use them to help with my dad.

Thank you so much for your content, this is great work.

Great tips!

This was a great video. The 5 tips are just what I needed to help communicate with my LO. Thanks Dr. N.!

Informative!

I appreciate this video and the careblazer guide so much! I wish I'd had it years ago. My husband doesn't have dementia, but he's schizophrenic, and most of the tools apply to us here too. Thanks Dr. Edmonds!

My Dad has dementia we always frustrated with him, now we know what to do.. THANK YOU for the tips and GOD Bless You... 🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼

So helpfull!

Thank you for sharing

Wonderful tips! Thank you!

thanks

Thank you for this.

Respect: one impediment here is the difficulty of seeing our disrespect. No one wants to see themselves as disrespectful... especially as we are putting forward such extraordinary efforts on the patients behalf. But when we try to correct a delusional view of reality.... this can often tip over into disrespecting the delusion. And that FEELS correct because it is a delusion. But that delusion is very real for the patient It is a difficult skill to accept delusions which are ultimately insignificant and usually only temporary in any case

Thank you. Very helpful for me

Number 5 is a good reminder for me😊

thanks for this video... your videos helped me a lot how to communicate with my mom with advance stage dementia.

My sister found your website. Very good information in dealing with our mom who has dementia and says off the wall stuff.

Thank you sooo much.

Thank you

I was on utube and ran across your video. My mom has dementia she was just diagnosed last July with it. I just realized some of the things you said I was doing. I’ll have to change some of the ways I talk with my mom. Some days I see my mom and some days not. It breaks my heart that she is going through this. I will always be there for my mom no matter what. I just hate the day when she doesn’t know or recognize me. That is my worst fear….. Thank you for the video……

8:20 That's so right about hearing. I'm losing the upper ranges of sound, and especially with music it seems like the bass is too loud compared to the higher notes.

I am in the USA and my dement mother in a home in Sweden - I haven’t talked to a dr due to time difference. But listening to your advice here verify - I am doing something right. I talk calmly I try to have a “smile” in my voice. Our conversations are very light about food, the weather, how she feels, what’s she’s done. It’s extremely frustrating especially since I was going to visit in September but due to covid - my trip is cancelled. I just pray she will stay well until next May

Thank you for your helpful tips.

You are such an expert. Its lovely to listen to you. I was walking with my mum today in nature and on the way back, there was a hearse with the back open right by where we had to pass. And, a few hours later, i heard a young woman/girl saying something about a dove who was dead, like i only caught that part of their conversation. My mums favourite picture was Picasso's child with a dove, and she used to have the Dove of Peace, somewhere, in every home we have lived. I know her spirit is telling me she is leaving, but when i try to tell her something nice she is horrible to me. I wonder how bad she is feeling, mentally i mean, because she is very brave. She was such a nice mum. I feel so guilty, i cannot make her feel better. Maybe i should try more, but she hates me, she truly hates me, she sees me as a rival respect to my dad. And i was a difficult teenager and my dad put me sometimes before her needs, economically, i mean. I feel i should have respected her so much more. I feel she does remember all the bad things. She is passing the bill now. Its such a guilt trip, it makes me angry. I rather not try too hard because i get so angry. How long can somebody be guilttripped? My reaction ends up always being angry, i must be very arrogant. I think she is about to leave. Probably wishful thinking. I actually want her to go, and she can take my dad with her too, but it will be devastating, i will never recover. This will haunt me for life. However its such an unhealthy situation, and at the same time i love my mum so much. I wont be able to cope with her death. I will be forever lost. Sorry, i dont know what took over me. Anyway, the hearse may be for me. These guys are not thinking of leaving! 🙃. One day at a time. My mum is going to the Alzeimers day centre and sometimes she is not too happy on the way back, but usually ok on leaving, although she doesn't like leaving my dad, but she has to because she demolishes him. He recovers in the hours she is at school. And when she comes back, they watch some telly, my dad prepares a small supper or i do if he is not feeling well, they eat together. Quietapine for my mum, and bed at midnight for them.i am in mine at 10pm

Thank you soooooo much!

Thanks for your useful information that help me to handle my mom she is Alzheimer dementia patient. I would like to know more about it..