Absolutely. To a point I totally rejected all selfemprovement. Especially the coaches and therapist and gurus promoting this. After reading the triology of jed McKenna I finally got a grounded common sense on emprovement and even enlightenment. Currently in the field of selfemprovement I focus on my Human Design, and on my MBTI profile. This channel is a great aid from a grounded perspective. Thank you 🙏🏻
I remember when they gave these (MB) tests in high school - one of the careers they suggested was 'A Monk'... (that was in 1982 - tbh, a monastic life sounded soooo good! --- & it STILL DOES... (Its funny, I intentionally, didn't study the MB profiles beyond that experience, because I didn't want to be too heavily influenced - I am glad I didn't study it, and I am just as glad I have found this 'body of work' of yours this late into my life's career... ❤ ty!)))))))
My thoughts exactly 💯 I've worked my entire life since the age of 14 and have had 50+ jobs in my lifetime and now acquiring more freedom tickets and would like to now work smarter not harder and making the tickets work for me! 😊
@@Pilot333 Same - I saved up a enough money to live off of for a year's worth of bills AND to pay off my entire tuition this year. I actually do this often because I love being free year on and year off! I've also FINALLY broke out of the INFJ people-pleaser tendencies. Been creating a life around my wants needs and the new people I've met in life this past year have been viewing me as an asshole (supposedly). I think I'm moving in the right direction because I don't get drained as often anymore.
Especially when you were ripped of a chance to learn setting healthy boundaries early on in life, and now most of your self improvement is just you trying to find out who you even are😒
Hi Wenzes, sending love and gratitude. My life changed dramatically when I realized that the Lord said to love others AS you love yourself. Not MORE than you love yourself. Not INSTEAD OF yourself. I’m an old lady now and I thank you so much for reminding me and affirming this truth!❤
This is resonating so very strongly. I think I have hit my saturation point with self-help development, and it’s to the point that it is creating non-existent issues. Just yesterday, I stayed out loud to myself, “I think I am good. I don’t need to go through these loops anymore.” And then this topic comes up. 💥
Right?my experience is exactly the same,I tried to look for any baggage in my head and nothing came up because I have already reached the height self-enrichment and self-development.
3:45 I sat bolt upright and said, "Jesus! That's it!" And I'm not even religious. How many times have I realized that we're both on the other guy's side and no one is on mine????
I learned these things in the past year, and thank you, Wenzes for confirming these. I finally learned that I can not pour from an empty cup, so I have to put myself first before others. In the past, I would have a hard time spending money for my own, but could spend it easily for others. This is unhealthy. I don't have that much money, so I even deprived myself from buying a beverage, that I could easily buy for others. This, I have finally overcome. There is no need to deprive myself, and I have to minimize helping others that will put them above myself as my own priority. I have to be my first priority. Currently, I am trying to improve self-love by buying a pair of sneakers that I want. I still have a hard time feeling at ease when I buy something of this price for my own, but before, it was easy for me to give the same amount to others.
I have this tendency too. It doesn’t seem too much when it’s for others but when it’s for me it does. I did grow and changed when it comes to this, but the tendency to feel guilty whenever I buy something more expensive for myself is still there…but you are right, it’s not healthy.
Empath, INFJ-A, and Virgo so Yes! and overthinking is a given. So accurate thank you! Appreciate your in depth sharing of knowledge. We do wear our being out if not careful. lol! To heal the Inner Child screaming is mandatory to heal and give balance. Then we are complete without any other person "icing on the cake." 💞💞💞
INFJs aren't empaths, they are primarily abstract rationalists; they are logically not emotionally predictive. This is much more, as is Wenzes herself, indicative of Fi-Ni convergence
Thanks for your very insightful video. You are 100% correct. I am older so I have some perspective on this topic. First as an INFJ, I benefitted enormously by talking to myself OUT LOUD. I still set aside time each morning to talk to my self, hearing your own voice say limiting things is an eye opener to your analytical side. Perhaps others have had the experience of correcting yourself on the spot! Secondly, you are a great person but not a saint/martyr. Failure is our friend in learning! We have had more than enough unjust criticism. You already are as good or better than 98% of everyone else. Finally, reward yourself. Make it a substantial reward. Stop telling yourself you dont deserve it or want another person to read your mind about what you want. I started a new business years ago, I put pictures of aspirational items (red leather dress, a new BMW, piece of gold jewelry) on my fridge. All I did was look at them daily. I worked my butt off and clients poured in. At the end of my first year I rewarded myself with all the items on the fridge. INFJs are like magicians if they dont "short sheet" themselves. Of course, I got criticized but who cared. We dont do stupid things, INFJs are analysts, strategic thinkers, passionate, innovative planners. Dont expect praise or thanks. Accept that you are unstoppable.
Wow, Cheryl! Thank you for posting this! I am definitely planning to print this and blow it up to look at everyday, no joke! I have been doing better with catching myself when I start to have self limiting thoughts. This past year, I don't feel like I have done very well in keeping these types of thoughts in check whenever I get a lot of outside criticisms...I start ruminating and even if I know that it doesn't match who I am, I start to add to the self limiting beliefs based on the criticism. Even when it's not constructive criticism...and from a horribly unreliable source...I tend to forget to remind myself out loud of who I am. I believe that words have power and speaking Life and not Death over myself is pertinent! I am definitely a work in progress with a lot more to learn. Thanks again and congrats on the new business and all that you've accomplished 😊
This is really helpful. I am getting to a place where I am stopping the self-improvement work and focusing on the plan, strategy and action. I'm noticing it is a form of procrastination. I make the tools and techniques a part of my action process for a short period of time (15-30 minutes) and then do the external work. This decision came as a result of listening to Wenzes on this channel!🙏🏾
I try to take actions every day toward my goals; I had to limit my time watching videos like this one. I've also learned to lay down clear boundaries and toss trespassers out like yesterday's trash. No time to listen to whiners: it is mind blowing the high percentage of regular ppl who constantly complain. My self-improvement involves staying inside the guidelines of the commandments of YHVH in the Bible; it has always been my go-to for advice and directions. Spending time in His Word and prayer listening to the Almighty even just being in His presence is enough to straighten out anyone's life and bring balance and fulfillment. I feel so blessed because I can literally do anything I want to just about every day, but I choose to walk the path God has set before all of us as an example. Try it, you won't be disappointed. We all need His structure.
Depending on circumstance , culture , social class , heritage , and educational opportunities that can be viewed as negitive or positive. I've lost many friends and acquaintance due to my personal abstinence of drinking and running the neighborhood and partying for example.
I used to hear a subscriber of mine tell their subscribers that it was important to be the better person sometimes and while I agreed with that to some extent, when you encounter people who are jerks and don't care for other's feelings, that's when I think being the better person isn't all it's cracked up to be. Why would I want to be the better person if someone is treating me like crap and if the person is also treating others like crap?
I find zen techniques and philosophy an excellent way to be free of the millstone of self-improvement. I find it difficult to be around friends and acquaintances who have taken on a form of competitive self-improvement, loud and broadcast self-actualization, and a form of ersatz spiritual questing. It's all a bit pointless, inauthentic, and v boring to listen to. I just play guitar. And take care of family, as one is quite unwell. But mostly just play guitar.
I am definitely a selfimprovement junkie 😂 every day I do my inner work, including writing ✍️. But moving (walking yoga or some sports) and breathing (wim hof method) are a necessary part of it to counter the stuckness.
Haha wouldn’t that be something. But don’t worry: karma will take care of it. If not during this lifetime, then at least during their lifereview. Near Death experiences leave no doubt about that all caused pain cone back to you and has to be felt to understand.
I sort of agree but taking care of yourself and having boundaries is self improvement. I don’t see how that’s ruining our life. Sure, we self reflect anyway but just like watching your videos sometimes hearing someone’s perspective makes us think and is very beneficial.
Michelle, Wenzes is not telling INFJ’s to avoid self improvement, she is telling us the pitfalls of doing it the typical ways which usually involve being kinder, more thoughtful, etc. She is simply saying that if we want to help others we need to first take care of ourselves. We want others to love and appreciate themselves and the best way to do that is by example.
Wrong techniques of self improvement or a wrong approach? Yes. So deceiving. Now after the right approach, my feelings are stronger but their distribution is wider, I now know the meaning of assertiveness, passion, love, anger, solitude, company. I have less NiTi loops. 😮!
As à kid,being in the "observers mood" was my défault state,if there was à price for observer mode,i would be thé Winner,but today, such à mode actually hélps me to " see" People at à profound level ,especially when I do not have time to know them,and " guess" thé next best action.Thanks Wenze for your vidéos,i am one of your followers, and your vidéos hve helped me alot.
Oh yeah, been there a million times. 🤦🏼 But not anymore. You have to learn what helps you, and what hurts you. Everything is different for everyone, but self-improvement is never a bad thing. However, some of that advice can be terrible for us INFJs (like you talked about). As an empath INFJ Taurus, I’ve found this out first-hand. 👍🏼 Hope you’re having an amazing day/week Wenzes! 🙂🌹❤️
It feels weird to hear these at the age of 45. Someone should have told these years before. This is probably the most helpful video of your so far for me.
The one true guide for everyone, is our intuition. Once the INFJ loses identity with ego, that intutive guidance shines brightly and so does our level of contentment. The truth is there is only one awareness of being, which we all share simultaneously. Everyone is on the path to enlightment, whether conscious of it or not.
At first it was uncomfortable to open this video because facing the truth you are not ready for is always hard.But everything you said resonated with me.There is clarity inside,there is peace and richness inside.Time to go out there and level up as well.Because most answers I am current looking for will reveal themselves via action not self-introspection.
hi . It's wonderful how you speak wenzes , I recognise, I nod, I feel as though you speak straight to my core, I am so thankful. Sometimes you hit on things from my past and its a great comfort and strengthener but you also speak 'right now' things in my life. Thank you for speaking, thank you K x x
I so needed to hear this, didn’t particularly want it but needed it, it’s what I’ve intuitively felt but hidden away from, Im going to listen again and again until it all sinks in! Thank you 🙏🏼
The things you've said here horrify me. The concept of enriching my life by essentially becoming more selfish and materialistic breaks my heart. Even if true, and I have no reason not to believe you on this, I just simply won't do that. It's just so important to me as a person to not become those things to any great degree. I'm not sure anything has ever crushed me as much as this video.
Love it! Reminds me of the meme “NF’s talk about helping people, SF’s actually help people” NF need physical outlets to help and grow in an externally observable way:)
I think I've had times of dealing with all five of these items. They certainly do overlap a lot. I especially identified with #1 and #5. #1 I have dragged my feet about taking action because I felt like my mindset wouldn't allow me to do it, but as you mentioned in this video, I felt like I had to change before I could do it. I later learned that simply taking action is a better way to get myself into change mode! 🙂. Good old Se! #5 because for me, my most meaningful relationships are an outgrowth of things that the other person and I have in common and enjoy doing. Sometimes it's also happened when I meet a person who does things that I don't do very often but find interesting. My way of stating it is that what we have is always better if it isn't just "relationship for relationship's" sake. This particular video is well-timed, because tomorrow is the last day of school and the first day of summer vacation. I plan to do a lot of Se practice.
I'm so happy I found and subscribed to your channel. Your insightful videos have helped me stay steady in this pursuit to better understand and accept myself.
I thought one would be exhaustion and burnout, though it was touched on. I recently (over the past few months) have decided to invest less time and energy in (not give up on) some of my more “lofty” goals…especially not doing all at one time! Rome wasn’t built in a day. A couple things I tell myself (some stolen from you) in an "essay" as this one really hit home. • Lead to getting stuck. o Done is better than perfect. o Don’t need to do all the things. Need to do the right things. o Externally observable facts show progress. • Being the bigger person. o Treat myself as I would a good friend. o I’m not doing any favors to the person by constantly allowing bad behavior. o Not limiting myself by focusing too much on others. o Record progress in all pillars (whether or not in boot camp) even if it is not always positive or what I wished for. • Losing myself in favor of others. o Recognize where helping someone else will help me (or vice versa). o I know who I am but still regularly check in with myself as I keep evolving. • Don’t value materialistic things. o I like money and power because they can allow me to make a difference and/or be lazy and eat out. 😊 Doing so right now and recognize that it isn't something everyone can do. I am blessed. o Plus it is kind of fun to point out accomplishments every so often (which leads to power and money). • No one person can fulfill all my needs. o For my physical and mental health (especially as I get older) it is good to have a variety of friends/acquaintances (plus it can be fun to mix them). o Why do people I know keep expecting others to be someone that history has shown they are not? Insanity! (Took a while for me to get here on that one!)
I literally listen to a song that says “Money ain’t no good to me…” I needed to delete that song 😂 but it’s sooooo goood. I am learning how to stand up for myself more which is creating conflict but feels good to let it out… finally. What if you keep having friends that want to hook up with your boyfriend (different friends and different boyfriends over time)… seems to be a pattern in my life creating the need to isolate and keep walls up.
I am at that point of pouring into me and my desires/needs because I realize that very exact thing that the friendships I had were about me being there for them and then ultimately being taken advantage of. I can now identify emotional manipulators, trauma bonding and others acting like my friends only to use me for my talents/resources for their own personal gain. Thank you for this video because it's validating thoughts bI was having. Healing my inner child and setting boundaries has been crucial in my development and taking my power back. Still in the early stages of starting my new life. Again, big thanks to you and much love and appreciation for all that you do!👏👏👏👏👏🙏🙏🙏✌💜
As an INFJ on a healing self acceptance self compassion emotional availability journey , this do do do energy is more harmful. The right doings also happen in the right time. Sometimes mindset work is better for better doing or doing in the right path rather than putting wasted efforts. Sometimes doing nothing is also more suited for better nervous system state. The get what you can from other people is also harmful after a point when one meets through crisis , it's more of managing maintaining others than ownself appearing without mask. Infj will benefit from seeking out what they need in people and it's good even if it's one.
It's hard to try to be a better person when I don't even know who I truly am. So I have to work on that first. Then I'll know if I need to improve or not.
Thanks Wenzes for highlighting this 5 points! I hold these principles so strongly because I thought these are basic, but life still feels stuck. Now I understand how high my expectations I had for myself and others close to me (too tiring for them😢)
3 and 5 was really eye-opening for me. I am just trying to reconnect to my authentic self meanwhile trying to shape myself into a better human being. I try to become someone who is content with himself but leads a good, balanced worldly life as well. I want to be good and I really want to add that spice of authenticity on the top of whatever I may do. As relationships, I really appreciate the bouquet idea, it is really not possible to have an all-in person in your life, and would be a really bad idea to shut out everything and everyone because you only seek for perfection. Thank you!
Wenzes, ich habe dich gerade im Quarks Intuitiv Essen Experiment gesehen. Ich habe vor einigen Wochen sehr viele deiner Videos angesehen, weil ich herausgefunden hatte, dass ich ein INFJ bin. Als ich deine Videos schaute wusste ich, dass du nicht aus den USA bist und ich hatte sogar den leichten Verdacht, dass du in Deutschland wohnst. Ich habe erst vor kurzem intuitives essen kennengelernt. Ich finde intuitiv essen schon manchmal echt schwer, aber meine dauernden Diäten haben mich zu viel Stress und Energie gekostet. Ich glaube nicht mehr an INFJ, da meiner Meinung nach all meine „INFJ Eigenschaften“ strenger Erziehung und drei mal massivem verlassen worden sein von meiner Mutter (das dritte Mal war ihr Tot) und später irgendwie zu überleben, zugrundeliegen. Ich glaube, dass Jesus all diese Wunden heilen kann, allerdings nicht, wenn ich mich durch einen Persönlichkeitstypen mit meinen Wunden identifiziere (was ich als ich in der MBTI Zeit getan habe). Liebe Grüße, Melissa
~ Allow and seek out FUN ~ we neglect ourselves and get into a rut, a neurological loop that puts us in a hermit mode and isolate. Do something physically fun on a regular basis and watch how doing “something” will energize and add spice to your epic INFJ life❣️
While this is all very true, there is also the fact that we are not going to get everything right. There is no right or wrong way of doing things actually, there are just different ways of doing things and that is unique to every personality so I believe instead of telling people to do things the way we think is right, I most times just let people approach things the way they know how to and trust me if they need help or directions they will always ask! People know what they want in their lives and they understand the way to go about it. Sometimes that way does not sit well with them but telling them they have to do it anyways cos you think they are going to feel better is a myth. We don’t really know what is good for us,’we decide as humans what is good for us. What we can take on in our lives, we make that decision and personality type does not affect that.
Good job! You bring great points that other "content makers" don't make. I especially like the last point, about "infjs have too high expectations" for their future partner. Definitely a problem i am struggling with now. Perhaps i should "just let go and let things be and happen?" it feels much more freeing and easy to adopt a lasais faire approach to dating and marriage (or "staying single.") Thank you for your insight and courage to speak. Any books or articles that you recommend would be appreciated.
Q: in 2002 I did the official MBTI Test. I turned out to be an INFJ. Now there are tests everywhere! Not necessarily MBTI approved… and ‘now’ I am an INFP or even an INTP. >>> Should I stick with the official results of 22 years ago? Or could the results change overtime?
Your type cannot change. Internally you are just one type. Externally you may change your behavior or thoughts if you get influenced by people so the tests might give different results.
Or you may change your behavior as per the situation, say you become more structured or thinking T type at workplace or after becoming a parent. But outside of work or parenting your type is the same.
The MBTI test can be very subjective specially if done in a not clear state of mind. Methods to clarify the differences is to know what are the cognitive functions and how the interact with the individual. INXPs, both have *Extraverted Intuition (Ne) Parent* and *Introverted sensing child (Si)* The Ne function is often wrongfully diagnosed as ADHD, allow the user to see multiple perspectives. Both these functions are present in the shadow of the INFJ and rarely use willingly, Si is limit painful for me to use while Ne I must make some effort to use it. In *INFPs* it is the reason why they become empath as they can sympathizes through various situation. In *INTPs* it allows them to see multiple variations and alterations to their thinking when they work on something. As for the *Si in those two types* it gives them an excellent memory so much and can cause them to retreat to continue, redo things they like a mastery for INTPs or replay emotions attached to memories for INFPs. Both Types have negative loops with their Si, replaying again and again a situation, limit to insanity. Both do to mistypes as _INFJ_ however mainly because of their *Introverted Intuition (Ni) Critic* that make them see life in a very dark place, by eliminating choices out of life when unhealthy. It make them to have difficulty to know what they want in life and see outcomes in a very negative light for themselves. Often in test, it causes the fluctuations specially with those with 7-likert scale due to ambiguity from the user. One telltale of INXPs is their unique *Extraverted sensing (Se) blind spot/Trickster* which cause them to detached from reality for example to be oblivious to their environment like bumping into things, knock off things over like drinks, food. It cause the to have an issue at times to access short term memory, slow to take physical actions and being totally unaware of a present situation while being always in their heads and dress poorly/differently is often a stereotype for these types. INFP are more affiliative (People focus), interest based in nature and are in the Idealist Group whereas INTP tend to be more Systematic, Pragmatic and in the rationales/Intellectuals groups while both are Behind the scenes, outcome focus and responding in their interaction style As for test, would advice truity.com and the C.S joseph community App (udja.app) as a tandem as both applies different and effective method while providing the most reliable free information to respective types. Hope this helps, nowadays there are comparison videos that can help differentiate between the best fit type. Remember, MBTI helps define nature of the personality and it is not an all fit type solution or tool to understand everything like traumas that cause shift in behaviours, _Enneagram could be another test to consider if you want to better understand yourself based on Nuture/relationship with caregivers_
@@steevelapeuraite8262 haha I feel like a beginner now... that is a study in and of itself. My test from 22 years ago was by an officially certified MBTI consultant. But these online (free) test that are readily available nowadays, don't seem to be the real deal. It's like having 3 clocks, and they all give 3 different times. I think I will stick with INFJ. Only because when I hear Wenzes talk, I think she is talking to only me ☺ As if she knows me 🤗 Where does the INXP by the way come from? I never heard of a X in the typology.
Hard keeping up with this but thank you. Also yes like everyone says i do get frowny considering these especially the one on money😅 because damn I really do associate it with blatant hedonism. But I do want things
I disagree maybe your subconscious makes you feel or do things stuck like you say.Action is leaning to know one's self to become a better version of one self.
