Last night, my trauma bond FINALLY BROKE, 2.5 years after leaving EXTREMELY narcistic soon to be EX-husband. I don't know how it happened--I "snapped" and all of the sudden I felt nothing, absolutely NOTHING towards him. Enough was enough. I feel free.
It’s better to figure them out early and leave quietly as soon as possible , go no contact and never return no matter what . You tell them what they are and they might start something with you , as if to say , “ okay you see me for what I truly am , now I’m gonna F with you massively, what you gonna do about it?” They are gonna control how others see you , use their charm and manipulation to make others think you’re the bad guy , they are gonna attack you in the most slickest ways . Just get away quietly , they are here to cause hell and death on earth . Pray for them from afar.
that is just temporary, be aware, they will come back to hoover you & take brutal revenge, it's NEVER that simple with a narcissist ..If it is so easy to be rid of them then they are not the narcissist & you are just projecting
I been with my narc since I was underage. Twenty years later, after being assaulted twice in public in one day I finally got a protective order. It's depressing how hard trauma bonds are to break free from. Feel like my entire life was wasted on someone who showed me how little I mattered consistently. It's a shell shock being independent, not being stalked, accused or baited into fights. To not be gaslighted, bullied and verbally abused is a lot to get used to. I'm sad and I'm free. I'm not sad that I'm walking away, just sad it's taken me so long to put myself first.
After putting up with my narc Dad for 60 years. I'm done He watched my Mom die of heart failure and did nothing to help her. She did nothing but help him for 65 years in their marriage. I got there and he tried to blame me for not being there to do his responsibility. They are sick and never change. I left him after getting him a button for medical help if needed. The second night alone the coward had a heart attack..he pushed the button and passed out. I think I bought the button for the wrong person. I will forever be sad and heartbroken for my Mom. She didn't deserve to die that way.
Thank you Danish. Your help is more appreciated than you know. The cruelty I just went thru is horrific. He played me very well, he is as cold as ice. A monster. His eyes are as black as coal. I feel like he set out to destroy me like a predator. I'm picking myself up. I am experiencing serious trauma. Not eating. Thank you for your help. ❤
SAME HERE. He had an agenda from day he met me. Now, I am standing up to END it by divorcing totally alone in the world with anxiety/panic disorder from chronic trauma. Hanging on by a thread. CAN YOU SEE A THERAPIST?? imho: feel the rage inside and keep punching a pillow. Feel that strong will to not let him break you by SURVIVING and slowly making a better life for yourself.
Not eating gives him power. Fight that. Be the old you. Change your style, make yourself go out-to the gym, shopping, church--anything different than you had been doing. Give yourself time and kindness. Don’t go back.
1. Prioritize self and needs- meet my own needs. Recognize my needs , focus always on other person. Reclaim my power, wantede to belief I am selfish for expressing my needs 2. Follow my passions- jealous of me, I had purpose nit them, I had to forget my passion, do what I love, I must be passionate about my life 3. Speak my thoughts and truth- naturally learned to question my beliefs , calm and assertive 4. Make mistakes and make a lot of mistakes- planted a seed of shame, but uproot it, I have reclaimed my power 5. Assert my independence - emotionally, financially I can do it
Get in control of your emotions because if you can’t another will.Cut off your emotions from anyone that is using them against you.😊Use your logical mind not the emotional mind it takes a few moments to get there after an insult take your time to answer in a calm way!
Really hard when a narc boss has you cornered in his office and he's making false accusations against you, backed up by his flying monkeys. I've put in my 2 weeks notice but have to be there so I get paid out accumulated holiday and sick leave to bridge me to next job. Now they know I'm leaving they are pulling out all the stops.
@@l.5832 This is your boss this could be a parent a neighbour I had it all ,be in control of your emotions or it can cause you serious Heath issues your life is the most important take care of you and walk away from abusive individuals
I find you the most helpful Narc talker! I just need reminding a million times over to just sort my own life out. It's harder than I feel it "should" be after so long of this nonsense. Baby steps and little wins!
It does take time to detox from all that narc toxicity. No matter how many times I would tell him that there is no such thing as perfection he could only criticize. As part of my therapy i realized that I felt like I didn't exist. Wow how dark can one be to do this to another human being.
So earlier I told my narcissistic boyfriend who is in prison for hurting me and my kids that I was going to go to sleep so I went to sleep. I ended up falling asleep right away because I'm tired taking care of three kids by myself. I woke up to use the restroom so I checked my phone and he said that I never go to sleep this early I must be up to something but whatever he doesn't want to think them so he's just going to stop. I thought I was going to see a text saying okay goodnight talk to you tomorrow but I was wrong once again. That text just really pissed me off and I finally text him saying I was done and I give up. I blocked him and I took the texting app for the prison off of my phone. This video is the first thing I just seen right now so I know God put it here for me to start my healing process. 6 years of torture with this person is enough
I am so happy, that i find your videos to heal after 40 years of dieing slowly, because of my narcs (father, sister, ex partner, coworker), thank you for your insightfull explanations, advices, your ethical care about us -narc survivors.... i barely survived, i was almost dead, because i was used to think i am a problem and denied my needs.... i wanted to die, because of sadness, guilt and never been good enough or be worh and loved... so lonely, like being poisoned, ill all the time.... thank you so so much❤
You touched my heart with this video. No one understands what damage a narcissist can do to your life unless they have been through it too. Thank you for understanding. Thank you for this video.
I cannot speak for anyone, but by just listening to this video in particular, I already started to feel better about myself. I'm going to try everything you said. Thank you again for all of your videos, they really help, they actually gives me a sense of healing and drive...
I am a nonconformist. I never felt the need to conform unless I happened to agree with the behaviour in the first place. This resulted in my being scapegoated by my mother. It has also caused me to experience abuse at the hands of employers because I'm "not a good team member" (called out abuse, refused to submit false invoices, refused unreasonable deadlines etc). Narcs are all about control and I guess I will go to my grave refusing to give it to them.
Most “victims”of narc abuse are non conformist that’s why we are usually the empaths. We have the capacity to care about others but still be autonomous. I put victims in quotes because I don’t like that term it is disempowering. 💪
Omg that is incredibly horrible. It no wonder why the damage that was done is toxic. That just too much. We definitely need to get past this and reclaim ourselves again. The act has to go and we have to stand up and believe that .
Wow I just realized that I'm starting to do some of this! Ex: a guy was harassing me and I stayed firm and refused to talk to him again and made him go away and then I actually fairly calmly explained to another guy why that wasn't NBD and was actually threatening af. Later, when my body was having a strong freeze/fawn response and my hr was dropping I took myself home and responded to the pressure to stay with the words "sorry dude, I gotta take care of me"! I still feel guilty AF for taking the rest I've needed the last 2 days (I'm still living with the problem, divorce pending) but I did it and today I'm gonna spend time with friends instead of staying in my room all day while he celebrates his birthday with the kids. And all this has just been natural, I barely thought about it at all. Keep watching videos like this, it really does help change your mindset and brings real recovery 😊 thank you Danish ❤
i almost skipped this one . shoot , i have been split up for three years. why would i need to worry about her control 🤷🏼♂️. all you said was true . there control in imbedded in my soul .. not letting you enjoy your hobbies your pleasures.. yeah it’s in there and does need to be uprooted and burned.. Thank you again Danish , job well done 👍🏼
Have a married “friend” who proudly and aggressively announces her “rules” for any encounter…this is framed as self care and assertiveness. It definitely crosses the line into aggression and controlling critical behavior. Not supposed to talk about anything she doesn’t want to hear. Which includes everything except weather and kittens. I’m basically there to listen to her supportively and soothe her feelings. Then buh bye. Pattern years long…with little bits of random interest interjected to confuse. I’m done.
After leaving my first husband I did return to Univeristy and earned my first year in a Bachelor's of Science degree however again I didn't spend enough time on my own pursuing personal goals on my own. that year a poem I wrote ended up getting me an award in a poetry contest too. Instead I married again before my second year in that program. Then I started struggling in school again. While watching my blind father in law starting to die of heart disease. So I offered to take him into our home. He lived 3 years with us until not long after I left regardless of the fact at the time was given only 3 months more to live. So I learned a bit about heart disease while doing so. After leaving my second husband I was a home care home maker for 5 years while at the same time singing in a choir; then participating in a theatre company part time too for 2 years in the summer too which was of the entertaining in a museum style perfect for people like me who have gone through a lot. When doing so I only wanting to have fun when to be honest being already too old to do some serious entertaining for a living. Some people at the time imcluding the director of that musical theatre company based in Pincher Creek and in Edmonton and some in our chori and in that theatre company encouraged me to break off into acting and helping to write songs with the help of the directors brother who was a professor of music studies at the time too. Wasn't in my heart at the time. i wanted to be there for my small children however was being denied that often after their father insisted on moving 60 miles out of town. The grief of being separated from them was almost too much for me to take. Having to send them back during those only 3 weekends per month with them during the school year felt so unbearable had I not started pusuing goals to distract myself from it. For awhile I picked the wrong program of study which was demanding way too much of my time too while having to work 2 part time jobs for awhile only at first too. 4 years ago I was in a roll over car accident and since then started getting busy renovating a house and a yard while getting better. I'm starting to feel like a just need a long rest some days.
When the narc isn’t a parent, a 6th way the narcissist has control is through your sexuality. This one will be the hardest to break. It’s like they have a direct port into your control mechanism at the most primal level. Other than that, all these five tools the narcissists has are very powerful. And the narcissist refuses to let them go. And when you find yourself under the control of two different narcissists at the same time, it can be all the more confusing. One of them is a female parent who’s had narcissistic control since forever, and the other one is more like a sexual abuser. lol This is quite a lot for the brain to process. lol 🧠
Great advice. Have been working on those things. It starts out small the progress each day/week: small goals. (1) Reconnected with a normal non-narcissist. Got replacement phone (idk what happened to the last old lost/stolen by narc) (2) get job again (narcissist smeared me at the last ones). Boundaries and fitness goals are other ones, and cerebral wise to get back to where I was before the narcissist ruined my life mostly.
"narcissist smeared me in the last one". My narc husband got ahold of my coworkers numbers, put them in his phone and started contacting them, smearing me. I told them to block his number and that he was abusive. A coworker phoned me while I was in the shower. Husband pickup up my phone and told her very rudely to never call my number again. Coworker reported it to me.
I find this video so amazingly accurate. It is as if you have stood and watched through the window and seen how my life has been with this narc. The common behaviours is such a surprise to me, I wasn’t aware of the ‘symptoms’ attributable to narcissism.
You helped me so much and still helping me Danish. I keep watching your videos every day as I recover from a narcissistic abuse from my parents. I dont speak to them anymore. I have finally taken my life back. Just wish it was sooner
Thank you so much for this very wonderful and helpful video. Each point resonated with me. In the last point about asserting your Independence, the items that you listed are so so important, especially finances. Thanks to my finances, I was able to escape the parasite. And honestly I was also stuck in the relationship because he controlled my money even though I earned it. So financial freedom is huge. Most women are stuck, because they do not have financial support of any kind. Thank you for your effort. God bless.
Thank you very much, you said really well, unfortunately people don't understand that narcissist wants a perfect human being which is not possible, I often get really tired of that , I can't make people understand that, the horrifying thing is that if the narcissist is your own father they can tell any narrative about you and society will believe them , anything they says when they don't have the ability to be a normal person or judge normally........
I was in tears. By end of video... everything happened exactly with me...thanks for all the help please let me.know if u give 1to 1 counselling. I really want to take it
Danish....100% you are correct!!! I can not believe what I have lived with without knowing what it really was. 😢😢 I'm on the divorce corner...right there...and knowing what these problems are now....what this disorder actually is...and sadly...how widespread it is...has been a life saver!!! THANK YOU!!!! ❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
This is very powerful and very important to learn. This is probably the most important step to move forward after narcissistic abuse. Thank you for sharing this knowledge.
How can I keep away from a physically abusive narcissist, I have moved out of his house but he has followed me to my rented space and beats me, I have children with him but he is still controlling me even when he has taken them, I live in so much fear, scared and very tired of this kind of life..please advise
Danish...can you do a video on why a narcissus starts to have bad hygiene ie not showering or cleaning teeth etc..us this common because mine would not do for many days..until I insisted. Also on drug addiction..specifically coke..my ex would not stop no matter what.. Sometimes £300 a day for weeks even though these savings were to cover our off time of 6 weeks. Choosing this over her young teen daughter,food and anything else. Is this common ?? Thanks Danish for helping me and so many end the cycles and move on and smile inside again. To live and have hope again. You truly are one of a kind.
This is beautiful - thank you i dampened down so much of me. I know i have great ability and am creative. I also saw a spectacular creativity in him as and artist a musician and someone who was able to take any electronic component and make it into something wonderful and it saddened me not to see him using these skills to the fullest, it blew my mind - his whole family had creative talents yet they all kept themselves small
Thnk u so much, it really helps me watching your vids🙏🏽 To know im not alone..i see so many poeple who have been hurt by them narcs smhh🙈 Now its time for recovering💪🏾💞
VERY WELL SAID ❤ MY FAMILY ARE NARCISSIST IT WAS REALLY SUFFOCATING. All you said are all TRUE I HAVE NO FREEDOM AT ALL. They Kill my Dreams everthing. I dont know where to wscape and LEAVE THEM. THANK YOU SO MICH I PRACTICE NOW AND FOLLOW YOUR ADVISE.
3:45 "before meeting the narcissist" lol. What if it's your mom. a phrase jumps out: "A narcissist killed your passion, they attacked that one thing you love to do the most." It makes so much sense. Mom attacked me programming or coding AI or mobile apps because it was for fun, I was passionate about it with all my heart. She didn't attack my brother transferring from genetics research into coding AI because it wasn't a fucking passion, it was for work, and work is serious and painful, and painful is good. That's why it's OK for him to do AI but not for me. China is my passion because it allows me to escape my parents, and that's why mom attacks China. My business was my passion, and she attacked my business, saying "You'll never be a great businessman, you'll fail at everything, you weren't born to do business, you were born to be a technologist, come back to Canada live with us and find a government job." etc. She occasionally mentions about feeling empty, unneeded, having no purpose in life. Her purpose before was surviving and taking care of kids, but now that we finished university he has no purpose.
Incredible!,, how you describe my experience with a vulnerable narcissist… healing now enjoying my freedom, my healing, in yoga meditation and nature… and loving people!! Thank YOU
Thank you brother for this video. I got myself educated and practiced to handle the situations, after 18 years of marriage now only I am practicing the things on my own that you have spoken. Happy to get the confirmation for the steps ahead
Wow, you are so on target...I used to say my mother takes up ALL the air...her demands were unachievable. She forced her will over those she deemed inferior/worthless. Fear was the rule of our house. It took decades for me to heal.