If you want to try coloring as a way to unwind - I've got a download for you on my website that has a few patterns you can start with. Go here markspsychiatry.com/5-ways-to-diffuse-your-anger
@@donaldviszneki8251 technically you're probably right, but since diffuse means to disperse I can see why both words get used, beyond the fact that they're homophones.
Hi Dr Tracey, I have been reading articles about BPD and NPD. I've noticed many similarities between the two. I'm wondering if you can make a video talking about differences and similarities between the two. That would be really great if you can make a video about it. Thank you Dr Tracey! :)
@@thesoliloquist1940 I don't have enough to say about this topic to make a video on it, but to answer your question it's doesn't mean you are unstable. Many people do it out of habit.
I'm so tired of feeling angry and stressed out all the time. I lose myself in emotion and then feel crazy in hindsight. I hate being this way. Its exhausting
For those who feel that their anger happens too fast, these are skills you have to practice when you aren’t angry or when alone. The more you practice, the easier it will become.
Yeah Doc it's a vicious cycle. I was programmed by my father at an early age that anger is a way to release hatred or get a point across but really didn't see how the negative energy could drain you mentally and physically exhaust you, currently am "rewiring" my brain. I'm tired mentally and physically, I'm trying to make the right changes it's not easy.
Sometimes it harder to disengage because it happens so quickly. My job has been very stressful lately and I tend to get mad so I find walking away and deep breathing really helps. Thank you for the very informative video!
I’m a guy, I’m not a “player,” I have no interest in you in general, other then to warn you, she is being extremely sexist, possibly racist. Just use good judgment.
Thank you for this video, Dr. Marks. My son is in law enforcement and he uses the "broken record" response you mention @3:48 . He finds it's very good for de-escalating a situation. Someone is DYING to provoke him, but he uses a neutral voice and repeats the same response. They get tired of it pretty quickly and calm down.
I’m convinced some people love to be angry, they thrive on the attention their outbursts gets them, they feel powerful and in control of others and seem to get some sort of high from their elevated anger, possibly even wanting to use their anger to provoke an angry reaction in others ……I love it when I can control my response to a blank stare, slow deliberate blink and turn to walk away. For me. it’s like pouring water on a fire, to them it’s like fuel on a fire ! What a different world we would live in if everyone wanted to take responsibility and strive to be better !!!! Thank you Dr.Marks, I love your videos !!!
Today a old man groped my butt while I was waiting in line for coffee, I am very very angry so I am looking for help... this video helps thank you Tracey
well now you know, what you didn't know then. that sounds like a bad situation but now you have the knowledge to make it better & it seems like you're dedicated to using it. sincere hope it got better 🙏🏿
As the daughter of a narcissist who constantly hurts me and refuses to acknowledge the damage they've done, I feel unheard and invalidated. Why do I have to be the wiser one? And simply swallow that... These techniques don't let us protect ourselves after many years of repressed anger. I don't know if I'll ever be able to forgive my family if I just have to understand them and let it go...
I have high blood pressure and severe social anxiety. This is Perfect timing. I had a very intense reaction to some questionable rhetoric and buzz words a co worker was using that were bordering on racism and religion. I tried to continue working, I got so heated I did yell Stop Talking about this, and before I said anymore I walked, Did a countdown, and came back silent. It was the first time people saw me angry. I am a very nice person, but I do Not tolerate hate speech. I admit I could have e handled it better. I was def caught off guard.This will help. I am making the list of responses. Thank you my dear.
Welp, we must agree to disagree. I have met and am friends with lovely people that share different opinions than I do, both politically and religiously. I have also come across those full of venom spewing hate speech. I was explaining how intensely I felt because of something that hurt me that came directly from a person's mouth, hateful words, hateful speech. Soooooo? Let's just move on. Have an amazing weekend:)
I have been struggling with a lot of anger where I am angry/annoyed/sad/disappointed every single day. I am so glad I found you. You are amazing! I am going to practice this every single day. There was time I knew I was going to get angry, read some blogs before having a conversation with the person I was angry with and even after that I still lashed out at that person. I am going to really practice the shutting down technique and diversion technique. I have seriously damaged my relationship with a lot of people and I really need to mend it. Thank you so much for your content.
Sometimes relationships aren't worth it. If the others truly appreciated yoy, probably, they would reach out earlier. It all depends on the situation. My opinion
My anger hits me like a tsunami and I’m drowned by it and the only way I was able to free myself in the past was to lash out with the same amount of force as the wave but today I learn that the tsunami wave can go away with mindful awareness and breathing . More and more the negative thoughts are replaced to positive thoughts and I’m able to breath again and walk away when I’m angry . My parents beat me every day with anything they can get their hands on but emotionally the negative things that were said to me hurt me the most . I had such low self esteem about myself that I hated who I was and still can’t make decisions as a 40 year old adult but today I take my life back !!!
Nice, I want to take my life back too? Did your parents physically beat you or verbally beat you? Because mine was physically. Probably why I want to get physically with strangers on the street
This was one of the most useful videos of seen. One that I will implement in my everyday life. Thank you for all the hard work you do. My physical symptoms can also be dizziness and an immediate onset headache.
Thank you, that’s great advice for not talking politics with my family, I honestly feel a little bit better and less angry just knowing that I have a good excuse in my pocket. And I can definitely be a broken record
Thank you Dr. Marks that was very helpful. Imagine after all I have been through in my life, no one has ever explained this to me the way you just did. You are truly a blessing.
Very helpful! I realized a few weeks ago that I have some anger management issues when my son asked me why I get so mad when we’re stuck in traffic… I realized my heart would literally be racing in these instances and I wouldn’t be talking like myself. And you’re right even just taking five seconds and thinking about what I say before I say it has lessened my reactions to those kind of feelings. You’re the best and your videos are so so important ♥️♥️
I appreciate you sharing this free of charge. It seems like everyone talks more about mental health but make it impossibly expensive to get the quality you need. My anger, from my understanding of myself and the homework I try to do all stems from childhood trauma that I experienced and then it branches off from there into different subsets. I’m trying to save my marriage so badly. I’ve been to counselors and none of them addressed the issues. One day something clicked that sent me down the rabbit whole of anger management, depression, childhood trauma. Had my mom gotten me the help I needed when I was 10, things would look a lot different for me now and I wouldn’t be loosing my wife and kids. I still get stuck though. I have a ton of information but at times struggle to implement it. Do I just wait till I get angry again. I’m studying everything I learned so I can try and memorize the tools
I thankfully went to the fourth! I defused the situation before level five! Shoulders still tense muscles still ache yeah! I am medicating drinking water listening to you and a few others
Me and my mom got in a fight and I acted in anger by saying a lot that I didn't mean. I have autism and adhd so I feel it difficult to control my anger when it happens so fast. I'm not saying that it's a good excuse for me acting in anger but it seems harder to keep it under control. though i never put hands on anybody ive still found myself punching the walls and slamming doors. Its difficult for me as well as the people involved. I generally feel upset with myself after the fact. Your advice was helpful as I cant afford therapy OR anger management ... You broke it down in a simple way to understand for me other videos I have found not as helpful because they are talking too fast for me to process everything I plan on trying these tequniques and practicing them as I come from a conservative family your advice on ending a political debate before it gets too much to handle or before it even starts will hopefully come in handy as well
“ common sense is perhaps the most equally divided but surely the most under employed talent in the world”. Christine Collange Just use your share of common sense. 😸
I have serious problems with anger and have never iny life understood why. I was so angry and physically violent as a child my parents sometimes seemed afraid of me. I can come across as friendly, warm, empathetic, and interesting. I am still a little afraid of my anger. This is great advice.
As someone who used to have VERY severe anger outbursts, but now does not, I can say that people CAN control their anger. They are just choosing not to because they feel SO upset / hurt / disrespected / embarrassed / stressed / overwhelmed / abandoned / rejected / criticised / unappreciated, etc, and it feels "better" (briefly) to indulge and express those feelings as anger. It took me forever to realise I could control myself. I NEVER had a "temper tantrum" in front of or at my parents, my boss at work, or at a stranger in the street. That would be terribly embarrassing! So why did I explode at my partners? Because I felt I could show my feelings. But really, the expression of those feelings in terms of the abusive anger, was very damaging, for both of us. Even in public, I would swear, scream, shout, throw things, break things, and basically appear like a raving lunatic. At the back of my head, I'd be thinking "What are you DOING!? STOP IT!" But I just felt like I couldn't. When I hurled a plastic chair in a small food court, I made sure no one was nearby. When I smashed a drinking glass in the kitchen sink, I made sure my partner was nowhere near it. When I threw a glass Coke bottle at the ground way back in college, I made sure I aimed the throw away from my then-partner. When I walked out into the middle of the street seemingly without looking, I really HAD looked first. And when I was screaming and appearing like a mad woman, the minute someone I knew (my parents, or friends) came home or I saw them approaching in the distance, I would "switch" and seem completely normal. Not because I was hiding my temper or because I wanted people to think I was all sweetness and light, but because I was SO embarrassed to be seen to be upset by most people. So I'd put on an act and be "normal". My ex-partner once said the first time she saw me do that, she was literally speechless. So. I COULD control myself. And now I choose to.
Thanks for sharing your wisdom to inform the masses. Where I may not have time to always share useful techiques during session, I direct clients to your videos. Some folks will never seek out a psychiatrist due to the attached stigma. So, having you share in a non-judgmental manner offering solutions that do not include medication, is so helpful.
Thanks SO much Tracy!! This is really helpful! I really appreciate all the information in ways you give it here! I’ll check more into the anger series, I have a hard time expressing mine... I usually try to stuff mine down, which is so not helpful and only makes it come out later and never in the right way! Appreciate it!🙏🏻🌈
5:01 - 5:28 I watched a video from Dr. Tracey Marks talking about this same technique in a longer video, its something of what we call 'Distress Tolerance' which I believe is under DBT (Dialectical Behavioral Therapy). That could be applied too to many other forms of negative feelings/ emotions or distress in general, examples of it being Anxiety, Fear, Rage, just to name a few; which really helps when placed in unfavorable situations. By disengaging from a certain emotion to let's just say, take back the driver's seat in a car with that certain emotion kinda situation, a person will not only be able to navigate themselves far more effectively in the real-world setting, but also be proficient at mastering their emotions. Thank you so much Dr. Tracey Marks for endowing us with eye-openers regarding mental health and psychology.
I just want to say I love listening to you, battling personality disorders, I find myself really paying attention to what you have say with such a professional demeanor
Trigger: people walking to slow, people yelling during class, people not doing their work Automatic thoughts: everyone is useless,”I’m surrounded by idiots” Emotional response: anger, disgust, revolution Physical response: sweaty palms, fidgeting, heart racing, nail biting/grooming Behavior response: crying Funny how I could really point out what my cycle of anger is, I get ticked off pretty easily but luckily I don’t usually give a behavioral response
I like the video. I didn't know how that cycle works. But I feel like these strategies only works when anger isn't too intense. Taking from my own experience, when it's too intense, I don't feel like it would work for me. Sometimes I feel an intense rage, anger and hatred and I end up self-harming, even though I try to wait until it goes away but it doesn't and I can't see a way out of it.
Thank you so much for posting this video. These these are simple techniques. This is the first time I met you on RU-vid, no really like your style. It's easy to listen to seems very uncomplicated. Thank you again.
I have a lot of guilt and regret, when I was 7 I got a kitten and I used to get so mad at her and squeeze her ribs until she meowed now that I’m older I know it’s wrong and I stopped but my dog will bark and I just mindlessly pop her on the mouth, my parents used to do that with their dogs and us kids when we did something wrong so it comes naturally to me and it’s no excuse. I feel just so bad about it and I’m trying to be more patient with my animals. I have a lot of built up frustration. Thank you for the help.
Thank-you dr. Tracey for all your insights in how human body works and what triggers symptoms and how u can fix it and go about your day I have anger issues i feel like im loosing the better version in me im glad I found your channel Dr!!!!
I love the political focus. I always tell people that I don't talk politics with people I game with (whether it's board games or card games or video games) because my feelings affect the game we are playing.
cant wait for the next epss!! i just re-reading my diary and i just knew that i have this kind of "circle" of anger when my manic eps come. when im at manic eps i became so flirty, and i could say im really good at it. but when i dont get a respond that i wanted i started feel dissapointed and angry to them then i hurt their feeling and ofc the next eps is me being sad and thinking why would i hurt them 😅😅
I wish I saw this video earlier. I caused a fight between my dad and my brother. My dad has done so many wrong things to mom, bro and me in the past. So I easily get angry at him. This caused a major problem and dad had to leave the house. I don't know where he is. But I regret what I did. I love my dad, I wish he could become a better person. It's been 4 days since dad left. I'm very sad. I hope everything gets back to normal.
All of those stages in the anger cycle happen within a second for me. Sometimes I've done something I don't like before I even knew it. I really like the suggestion of complex coloring books. I used to draw and stopped about 8 years ago. I don't know if I could draw again but I would really enjoy coloring.
i lashed out at my parents really bad tonight. i’ve been so angry lately and took it out on them. i don’t know how to control myself sometimes. but this helped me. thank you
I’m worried of losing the person who I want a future with. She loves me for who I am but my deep anger and irritability gets the worst of me. I truly want to do better and I cannot lose her because of my inability to cope with myself. I pray that everyone can heal and grow with the people they love most.
I have watched so many of your videos and I find them incredibly helpful. I have Bipolar II disorder and the symptoms have at been both chronic and severe. Thank you!!
Dear Tracey, I have BP2 with rapid cycling. I am finding that meditation is helping me stay calmer, but sometimes I fly into these intense rages and get physically shaky. I hate this sensation of losing control. I need to take the time out you suggest. Thanks so much for your suggestions.
I wish I would have found this long ago, I. An army veteran with tons of problems, 1 being irritability and the other flying off the chain anger. Then I have to deal with the fallout and feel shame sometimes even. Late thank you from 2024.
Hi, I know you're doing a series on anger right now, but could you please also do a video on recovering from meds( anti depressants) sometime in the future
Oh, I need to do these things so bad... I am getting tired of people yelling, screaming and insulting my intelligence; I just don't like to confront people and then have to fight them with fists or weapons. That is a scary thing for me - let just say that I don't know how to fight. I will lose and probably end up in a ambulance (due to: either getting a black eye, getting knocked out by my opponent and/or getting beat up to a bloody pulp. All are Not Good Situations.)
Very Awesome Tracy!! I so Love your Work!! Im going too share this with the Veteran World im Influencing and Helping I am Grateful for your Videos and agree with Much of your Ideas!! However idk where you Went to School at but you are a very Small section Of Drs that actually thick like you do in your Field!! I know i give Lectures to Trained Doctors on these Subjects!! And you are a Gem 💎 have a Blessed day my Sister💜💜🇺🇸
Thanks so much Uriel. I love knowing that what I put out there is helpful and moves the needle even just a little the area of mental health awareness and understanding.
