As always, this video is full of fantastic information we can put into action now, which is what I've been doing the past 4 or 5 months I have been learning from you & absorbing all the teachings you bring to the table from all your experiences, learning & passing on. I can tell you that you have helped me a great deal already & I can face each day with a different perspective, one I've never quite had before, I've a new bounce in each step & speak with more clarity & confidence ! Thank You So Very Much Lisa ❤️🕊️ !
@@marylawtoncostine9577, Thank You, I'm not saying at all I don't have really bad days, cause I do, I am moving to a new apartment & my narc-codep mom has collected alot of new stuff from around her home she never used for me, she didn't like something I wrote so now she's using emotional & material blackmail against me, telling me she's giving it all to the salvation army, so I wrote back "there are so many more needy than me anyhow" ! Not to mention all the vial, disgusting, disturbing, reprehensible things she called me. She's 80 now & never gonna see the light in me lest the light within herself .....
Part of healing is to stop analyzing and concentrating on the narcissist and start focusing on yourself, how you became a narcs victim and how you can move on to live a fabulous life.
This is so true. When you focus on yourself and the whys and how’s of your own behaviour, why you allow and engage , then you naturally begin to open your eyes to the toxic behaviour of others and begin to set boundaries and limits and permanently walk away from some of the particularly pathological ones. Focusing our own issues is the key to opening the door towards freedom ❤️
Eggshells are supposed to go into the compost bin! And Compost helps grow beautiful flowers! There must be a death… a part of yourself must Die for a new part to be reborn…
@John Smith yes cannot stand up to his mother/family for me...... Uses them his mother especially as the reason not to continue our couples therapy, heal our relationship and get back together
@John Smith when the true narcissist in mine & his relationship are both our mothers but I don't mind standing up for him but he did lie to me about things..... Probably many things I still know not about
14:40 That is exactly how it happened to me 😑 It makes so much sense how I went from being confident and independent to being unsure, indecisive, and feeling lost.
When I first met him. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. He was just too nice. Put his absolute all in. Made me and my son is priority. But there was always a feeling that he was just too nice and he seemed to good to be true. Even paid off my debt. I became so reliant on him after I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attack disorder. Felt he was all I had. 4 years together. But last 2 years were awful. He had a drink problem. Blamed me for everything. Kept telling me he was unhappy with me and I needed to change our house situation even though he chose where we stayed but now it wasent good enough He said it's too small I need more space. Always telling me he wanted to be on his own. One day went to work and just didn't come home. Not heard from him since.
I just told a narcissist do not talk to me that way. You will have to leave. I don’t live like that anymore. Bring on the nice normal people!!! Stand strong!!!’
Girls don't like nice, normal people. Girls like dominant narcissists with self serving problems that are enabled by the females that pick these types of men
I told my ex no one talks to me like that! If you can't speak peacefully I want a 3rd person to witness it. He says he's "not allowed on my property " haha can't be nice and just twists everything
So proud of you!! I'm still in, but aware, too many past failed attempts. Must be integrated and healthy before that.. hes good whole on probation, but that's not a true safety.
Marilena, și eu! Exact 20 de ani, ca și tine. Ăștia sunt nebuni și datorită terapistilor aici, pe YT și eu mi-am dat seama ce viața duceam. Acum sunt in mijlocul divorțului și e și mai rău decât am crezut! Crazy!
Realized in June of 2018 the relationship I was in was absolutely not normal. Separated in late June. The temper tantrum that followed (along with the most outlandish behaviour). Led me to filing for divorce in early fall. The temper tantrum continued. Then, we’ll planned triangulation arrived and touched all aspects of life. Divorce was complete and finalized 17 months later (no children, no support payments either way) a true divorce. I have been “no contact” for over 18 months now. Going “no contact” if you can, I’d highly recommend. I really like UR videos 👍🏼
Abnormal behaviors and personalities. Among the narcissist is the clarification. It's not you but them. Which their victims can't change or fix. Therefore it's best to conquer and divide with your sanity in tact.
Thank you. I am dealing with a female she-devil. She is a monster who has turned people I don't even know. Lying manipulating people. She's evil and insane. This started because she was knocking on the walls. Playing weird sounds, slamming cabinets. I guess she doesn't like me because I'm a good person. She definitely is not and never will be good person. I'm learning to ignore her weak friends that's she has wrapped around her finger. What a ugly monster inside and out. They are pathetic lovers
"your being abused but told your not being abused" exactly it's not always obvious either that's what I've learned this can be expressed in the most subtle ways and manipulative language.
My wife said “all you care about is sex” while we barely ever had.......sex. I love you while literally pushing you away when I go to kiss you. Really screwed me up for a long time but I’m starting to get it now.
@@kimvaars9290 you are an empathetic healer and or a people pleaser and have childhood thoughts that you must be adopted because you knew in your heart you were in the wrong family and there's no way you are from the same family...
You’ve helped me to open my eyes about my own relationship. I am in absolute shock. I’ve never experienced anything like this before I guess I’ve been living under a rock all this time because I never knew people like this exist
When I first met him. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. He was just too nice. Put his absolute all in. Made me and my son is priority. But there was always a feeling that he was just too nice and he seemed to good to be true. Even paid off my debt. I became so reliant on him after I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attack disorder. Felt he was all I had. 4 years together. But last 2 years were awful. He had a drink problem. Blamed me for everything. Kept telling me he was unhappy with me and I needed to change our house situation even though he chose where we stayed but now it wasent good enough He said it's too small I need more space. Always telling me he wanted to be on his own. One day went to work and just didn't come home. Not heard from him since.
The last straw for me was realising that they would never actually be happy for me ,. I would never be quite good enough , never make the grade and get the love and respect I deserved . It was actually during the pandemic , with people dying daily everywhere together with personal worries that I finally found the strength to trust my OWN truth and reality and end the melignant festering lie for good ! It wasn't easy , there's still the self doubt and despair following the pink cloud ,. but you can get a true perspective on yourself , not the old you which has gone , but a new stronger , proud and self aware you , with true feelings of hope about a brighter future xx
Been there also and whenever I doubt myself I list all the cruel and mean things they did and I congratulate myself for leaving. It is so amazing to be true to ourselves finally!
When I first met him. I had a horrible feeling in my stomach. He was just too nice. Put his absolute all in. Made me and my son is priority. But there was always a feeling that he was just too nice and he seemed to good to be true. Even paid off my debt. I became so reliant on him after I was diagnosed with anxiety and panic attack disorder. Felt he was all I had. 4 years together. But last 2 years were awful. He had a drink problem. Blamed me for everything. Kept telling me he was unhappy with me and I needed to change our house situation even though he chose where we stayed but now it wasent good enough He said it's too small I need more space. Always telling me he wanted to be on his own. One day went to work and just didn't come home. Not heard from him since.
I gave my narcissist ex girlfriend an ultimatum and the next day came the discard. I DO NOT recommend any ultimatums in a reasonable/healthy relationship, but in a healthy relationship there should be zero need for one or any.
Narc boyfriend gave me ultimatum, "It's either him or me." Oh GOOD! I'll keep texting some guy in Africa that I'll never meet and is no threat to you. He said I made a big mistake and moved away. Oh good, because you did whatever you could to make me feel not good enough for you, to get me to drop everything to give you attention, you threw freaky temper-tantrums, you did all kinds of cookoo stuff, constantly accusing me of cheating. Okay, I wish you well, bye-bye! Whew.
I recently had to give my husband an ultimatum. I didn't like doing it, but I definitely needed some space from his controlling parents. We have had disagreements over how his parents treated me. I was always wrong and he was really dismissive. Always told I had to appologize and it was definitely a not right or fair one. Their behavior started out with little jabs that I kept rolling off. Then they started escalating to really trying to get a reaction when my husband wasnt in the room. Then to doing this right in front of my husband. I said enough if you wont defend me and set healthy boundaries and insist I must vacation with these people and invite them to our home and feed me to the wolves everytime. I want a divorce.
Listening to this, I’m realizing that co-dependency and getting involved with narcissistic relationships goes hand in hand. I remember taking the blame and covering up for my sister and brother. I would rather take the punishment than see them go through it. After being raised by an abusive mother both verbal and physical, I’m finally realizing that this has a lot to do with not having or sustaining healthy boundaries in any relationship. Get strong!! Love yourself!! Hope this helps someone that needs it. ❤
I can look back in my family as see narcissism has touched most. I spent my lifetime trying to save them not understanding they couldn’t be. I believe my illness is due to this but gaining the insight I was not crazy, the overly sensitive one is making me well again...I will beat this. Bless all you courageous people facing this destructive condition called narcissism. thank you Lisa for your relentless efforts to educate and heal us.
At the end of day l know where she is coming from. I had the misfortune of getting married too one. The relationship became toxic and l had the courage to walk out of the door. In my experience with one I wouldn't call them human beings, l think the more fitting word is ANIMAL.
One of my friends told me that she didn't know I was normal until I got away from my mother. She had me sobbing three or four days out of the week. I ended up estranged from my parents for 17 years. Leaving her mind games and sick controls was the best thing I ever did though extremely difficult as we we're from a family oriented strong religion. I'm 70 now and my parents have died and finally the guilt and shame the abuse left me with is lifting as I have found my mother was a sociopath....a step beyond a narcissist. A book The sociopath next door helped understand my mother was unable to have empathy. Life was a control game for her and the first peace and lack of fear came with her death. I knew as long as she was alive she would be putting me in danger in any way she could. Praise be to God. I have been set free. By the way she appeared to be perfect and remarkable in public. There were hundreds of people at her funeral. They had no clue what went on in our home when the doors were closed. My biggest fear of dieing was seeing her again on the other side....so sticking around a long time is my plan.
You went through a lot. You have my deepest empathy. Please, please, do not fear death. No, its over, your suffering from her is over Linda. You are free! Once we die, we will be released from all negativity. My mother has been gone for over 7 yrs. She will not expect that when her spouse dies, he resumes controlled narcissist behavior over her. What happens is he receives an understanding of what he did and why he did it, and all the suffering he caused. As far as I feel, believe, every human is freed with death to a new glorious way of being. Take care, blessings coming your way.
Linda Moses I can relate unfortunately mine is still alive but I went no contact with her and the rest of my family. She haunts me, she tells our family that I’m crazy because I stood up to her, I’ve put up with her abuse for so long that one night she called me while I was in hospital bed, I was near death she told me that I deserved to be in that hospital bed. She neglected me at age 7, she sided with my childhood abuser, just to hurt me. I couldn’t understand why she wanted to hurt me since I was so good to her until I understood narcism. She has hurt me so deeply, sometimes the emotional pain is hard to live with. I understand the pain you went through. I hope, I don’t see or hear my mother for the rest of my life.
One of the things that really makes it hard to offer forgiveness these days is that people aren't sorry and they don't care what they did or why you're upset. Forgiveness is fairly useless if the other person just doesn't care, it's like your forgiving a void for being a void, it's an empty space that you're sending kind energy into, it makes no difference. If someone did me something wrong I can forgive them if they say I know what I did was wrong, I messed up or now I understand things better, but I would let them know that I don't want to re-associate. LETTING GO, is probably more valuable than forgiveness, letting go releases tension in the body and the mind, if you can do it. Also, you can't apologize to a narcissist, they will weaponize your apology against you, it's shocking and jarring.
I have learned to say this when I catch myself thinking judgementally or "like my narcissist". I say "This is my programming and not what I truly believe. What I actually think is ___". It is the closest I have to a magic eraser for all the ugliness and negativity the narcissists in my life covered me with.
Thank you friend Lisa, for literally saving my life. I found myself a victim of a vile narcissist immediately following my young wife's passing and this person acted like a helpful friend while at my most vulnerable and then changed into her demon narcissist form upon its delusional thought of believing I wanted a relationship while broken hearted from the loss of my young wife of 20 years and been with since I was 20 and only I am now only 41 years old and much of my days I am nothing short of a suicidal widower who has to deal with the insanity of a demonic narc! Thank you for providing the knowledge and strength to rid myself of this vile creature. I owe you my life and love you for being YOU and sharing your experience and knowledge :) I hope and pray the Best to you always in your life and future.
The silver lining of having to endure a narcissistorture Is you have now opened your mind up to the complexities of the human mind and no doubt anything you learn will benefit you more than you will ever realise
When you breathe in a little deeper than normal and sigh, a narcissist will tell you you have an attitude problem. That’s what happened to me. I can’t even sigh without starting a fight. Not worth it.
I can relate...they can and do disrespect us as loudly as they please, we are not allowed any reaction, no matter how small. No, they are not worth it. They are worthless and they are many. Education helps a lot...distance helps even more lol
@@pattytrump Unfortunately, in my situation my daughters father is the narcissist so it’s a really tough situation to get out of. He controls all the finances leaving me completely codependent on him so I really have nothing to myself which is really scary I’m trying my best to go get a job and get out of here right now
When they do that, look at them and start laughing....if they don't huff up and leave and want a fuss,,, tell them your training has improved, pick a subject or shall I pick one....let's start with the way you dress and do something about your hair.. when is your next dental appointment?... What! Are you waiting on me to clean the dirty windows on your truck?... I'm tired, let's go get something to eat, you pick, no i don't like that place, no that food wasn't good the last time, no i don't feel like fish tonight, you can't afford where I want to go......a True statement, WHEN GOD SAVED ME HE SAVED SO MANY OTHERS!
Blah blah blah. Girls, without zero doubt, love dominant narcissists who can easily gaslight with zero effort. Girls allow it since they are the ones who primarily select. Not men
My narcissist talks about everything and everyone else problems not even realizing that he himself has the same problem 🙄 sometimes I wonder if they are truly that unconscious. It's weirdo Bazar to me but then he has certain people who has problems but makes excuses for them even makes excuses for himself though like making it acceptable because it was not his fault the world's fault or the devil...Im praying on the day God opens their eyes these people own up to their crap because they hurt people their children their selves and it's destruction in the end.
Britney, don't hold your breath that day will never come. They will never reach awareness of their evil ways. Lost cases. Save yourself from this calamity. Run!
Ohhhh ! Yeah! The one I knew described people so horrible and at the same time I would be listening and thinking she's describing herself and doesn't even know it.
@@gracegwozdz8185 i use to feel that way every now and then until recently he showed me something different and it broke me down but God built me back up to where I know now that I'm stronger than him and God needs me to fulfill his will And the woman which hath an husband that believeth not, and if he be pleased to dwell with her, let her not leave him. Mines doesn't believe in for better or worst but I look at it now that it's his problem and not mine. So with that being said if or when he leaves I'll be at peace and he'll be wounded😉 I just enjoy him while I can
I was in a relationship with someone with narcissistic tendencies. I now fear everything. I force myself to move forward. doubting myself every step I take. Everything you say in this video is so true.
It’s taken me ten years after divorce to work out what my toxic ex was . After all the bullying and controlling behaviour towards me and the kids , he has been a textbook Narc . I have since found your channel Lisa so helpful , and found that silence , not engaging , and minimal contact works best . My kids are now viewing the control freak monster he is behind his facade . The mysognist . He tries every once in a while to upset me , but rather than “ defend myself “ I will simply walk away .
I would also like to see you address how narcissistic people are passive aggressive and say things in between the lines when trying to get their point across
My narcissist just left me because He said i didn't obey him. Lol. P.S. he also said that he hates me. I suppose that means i pissed him off big time. Lmao
Be prepared, he will likely contact you again. Discard is a manipulation tactic to make you feel rejected, lower your self esteem and give him leverage. Go ahead and block him and tell everyone he might contact to expect a smear campaign from him against you so they don't even bother listening to his lies. Commit to your resolve because he will either expect you to run back or believe you deserve to be punished in some way. Write yourself a reminder of why he was toxic to you in case he tries to love bomb you again and compile screenshots of his texts in case he tries to turn the tables and blame you for the toxicity. Not to bother defending yourself to him, that is pointless but to show the truth to others when he starts trying to discredit you. Best wishes, stay strong.
@@freshgreen54 you are so right. I have this weird feeling that he might appear again. He blocked me on Facebook but i don't really feel abandoned by him. Feels like a relief.
54? Be grateful…… try being 70 and having just started a healing journey and even knowledge of what you were involved with 2 years ago. I remarried a narcissist at 50 only to live 20 years of pure hell.
I feel the same way! I’m 48 and am so grateful for RU-vid heroes like this wonderful lady. I clean houses and my headphones and RU-vid are how I’ve gotten better and grown a ton!
Me to a life time of neglect and now am being punished by all three children for a mistake 50 years ago never given the chance to correct just guilt so sad
That's what happens when you argue. The emotions can flip flop. Insecurities become injected into you, and on their end they gain security where it did not exist before. Other bad emotions can also transfer in this manner through prolonged arguments.
The more i listen, this sounds like most of society, i was raised around narcissist, pretty much everybody in the family and most people i have met in life, and thats why i have always felt different and couldnt understand why, now i know
I am now realizing that most of society is narcissistic, too, in one form or another. While it can be painful being different at times, the awareness of why and progressing is liberating. 😊🙏❤️
Reminds me of my ex who knowingly and intentionally, hurt everyone who ever cared about them, yet used the excuse that nobody cared about him since he was 12 so what does it matter now...( 5 years into the toxic relationship) . They will always have excuse and will use anything and anyone to justify what they do, even at their own fault. And no matter how much calm, sincere explaining what he did and the effects in order to make him see from my point, hed just go thru and repeat those very exact things the next day with zero regard to what i just told him. You cant win.
Narcissists can't change because they don't think anything is wrong with them. I come from a toxic family system full of perfect narcissists. Growing up was hell on earth! No contact was my only option.
My sister is a full-blown narracist, and 3 weeks ago, her beautiful, loving, kind daughter committed suicide at 22 years. I believe she wasn't strong enough to deal with her narcissist mother.
I just realized that I was never “love bombed” by the narc, and it makes going no contact so easy since that evil mil of mine has absolutely zero relevance in my life😃 She hated me from day one no matter what I did.
I'm on a nasty discard stage because Ive caught her again with solid evidence. She was gone all day yesterday and when she came home at 330 am last night she brought someone else to the apartment. I went downstairs but the coward took of running, I know she was only trying to get supply because I totally shut her down. However I fear for my life I'm planning my escape now and thank you for the video . And all your other videos
At age 52, I was relatively healthy. Met and married a narcissist. (Unknowingly) Now, age 59, Stress related Heart issues. High blood pressure, uncontrolled anxiety. I’ve never met or known a narc. Never came up in any conversation. I now know.(7 years too late), But I’m getting back to Me. I’m learning, I’m dealing and I find out, I’m a Sigma Empath. 😊 Getting it together and “Playing his Game”. I will be careful.
The Earth. The meek will possess the earth, And they will find exquisite delight in the abundance of Peace. Psalm 37:11, 29- The righteous will possess the earth, And they will live forever on it. Read Psalm 37:9,10.
Amen, the bible is the love and the way, the truth, the life through Jesus. I have read many accounts of NDE. All people from different walks of life, ethnicity, and everyone of them says the light and the love of Jesus fills them. My situation is difficult, and painful, I know that Lisa and others see these broken people, destroying lives. But prayer is powerful, and in that I will self care and respect the life God gives me, pray and release the offenses.
I love and have benefitted from your content very much thankyou ...found this offering was interrupted with an insane number of old ads... Possibly... is this people unsuccessful ones who are latching on to u ...I can't imagine u would agree with these annoying add 🙂thanks for all u have done to help people like me
I always wonder if this passage refers to animals other than us. Once the human race dies out or cannibalizes itself, the other animals will have peace, free from our excessive wars and hunger for them, back to balance with each other.
You’re absolutely right they can have moments of greatness and it sucks you back in and then boom right back to the gaslighting and ignoring every time until you just say no more
I love listening to you ,you make sense and it feels so healing for me ...I know now I can move forward without any shame or fear of blame ......I am worthy of love and healthy relationships w my family .
Lisa clicking on this video is definitely saving my life.... I have been isolating myself from people... I didn't realize it was bcuz of this narcissistic relationship.... & I used to be a social butterfly... but now I litteraly have a genuine fear of meeting people... afraid that I will meet another narcissist without knowing..... I thought the only option was suicide! But I can't do that bcuz I have children that I love & I can't leave them stranded but it feels like I keep repeating the pattern even when I don't want to... I keep meeting new narcissists... & bcuz I was raised by a narcissist I was always told that it's my fault when others are abusive to me... I understand that we attract the life we live but I also understand that I am not responsible for another person's abusive behavior... I would love to learn how to smell a narcissist from a mile away... I'm getting better at it so there's definitely hope!
Going through the same. I had such trauma from my childhood that left me looking forward someone to leave me questioning myself and working so hard to be different to hopefully please them which never ever comes. So confused and feeling broken. But definitely beginning to make sense of stuff. Keep on ~ keep on~ 💞💞💞
@@livkind3522 I'm glad that you are making progress... can you believe I spent my entire life trying to please this person... & I wasn't aware that I was doing that.... I'm so grateful for this video bcuz now I have tangible information that I can use for my transformation.... in this moment I feel empowered!! Many Blessings to you on your journey! We are definitely going to need it lol 🤣🙄😊
Exactly it!! First my father then my husband. When we find ourselves looking back at it all with clarity it’s quite mind boggling but oh yes absolutely empowering!!! I want so much to give my lil gal a much better experience ~ no more trauma bonds!! Much love to you!! We can do this!!
Add alcohol to the equations and it’s even worse. 20 years of it. We didn’t know about labels. 50 years ago, they were just moody. I learned early not to be a puppet, went about doing what I was raised to be and do, and act independent. He hated because I was so independent. Consequently, i soon became my own self, and just let him have “ his rope”. Give him enough rope, they’ll hang them selves. I grieved through the years, and when I had enough I wasn’t the least bit hurt, got that divorce and it surprised the hell out of him
I do not agree that narcissists are in tune with their own emotions. They are simply able to imitate genuine emotions very well. This is why they're often natural actors. They suppress their feelings so thoroughly that they end up externalizing them. That's why they generally rely on the emotional reactions of others for narcissistic supply.
It seems, from my experience with a narcissist, he is not able to relax, nor able to be in the moment. Sad because we are not promised tomorrow and what I see in this person, is sadness, past anger, grudges, and no matter how positive the situation may be, he will always within a 2 day period of time, find something negative, wrong.
My narc mom is always trying to pick a fight, from morning to night on the look out to antagonise, quarrel, bicker or stick you with a nasty comment. Constantly!
I have a hard time letting go. My past has a lot to do with it!! I want to very much so let go. I'm sick of the way I have been. Not living my life. I don't even know what that means anymore!!
Annoying ppl to work with. Ignore them really triggers them, especially when the trying to disrespect you. By walking away stopping them in their tracks before they belittle you, causes narc injuries
narsissists and drug use. connect the two. have a really nice day and i pray for people to recover and to b satisfied again. be with people who bring out the ultimate in you and if they make you feel tense it is because of their inferiority complex. what god has for you is just for you.
I could never understand how I would always have a person around me that make me feel confused about myself then get stuck in thought who am I, I never thought people close to me could hate me so much. Narcissist keep popping up. I would always believe that people should feel happy. Reality check No narcissist love conflict. Thank you for your Podcast its very educational on knowing yourself by who you surround yourself with it all makes sense know. I absolutely love your work
Lisa, you and your videos are so precious to me , and I save the old and new and watch on repeats, I have suffered for 64 years from 3 NARCS MUM, WIFE, and Friend's X-wife who love bombed me in front of my wife and sent me to hell fighting with others. I was in pieces did not know anything about NARCISSIM , until almost 3 years ago I found your videos and I have been hoovered twice, but now I am 66 and going to psychotherapy and watching all your videos to be able to overcome FEAR and scape for good, I am a full Empath and difficult to leave at this age but I WILL.Thank you ,Thank you
Yeah, Lisa is our Godsend. We are infinitely grateful for opening our eyes to this true pandemic of narcissism on our planet. We are the ones who evolve, our narc are lost.
Get out before it destroys your physical health. My immediate family (both Opas were German soldiers) obesity, addiction, suicide, ALS, GBS, fibromyalgia, coronary artery disease, arthritis. Thank you to Lisa, Dr. Ramani and Dr. Gabor Mate who have made sense of all this.
there are not many quality people in the world. it is like so many people were born from a rush job. thank God I did not have any kids. The people are an insult.
I have proved to be the strongest man. I had to deal with a secretive narcissist with even more secrets and cloak and dagger phase outs that would hurt so deep.
I sadly was born to Narcissistic maternal parent. I was brainwashed to believe I was defective,no affection and lots of abuse and trauma. School was my safe place until high school. At 50 I have been blessed by an awakening and have learned the truth. I am still suffering abuse,invalidation and the rest to this day. Am stuck caring for Narcissist as her sons(golden child) don’t care,refuse to disrupt their own lives. I’m trying to work on myself but often find myself crying to God,from the depths of despair. Totally on my own,no support. I don’t know what to do next….😢
Lisa, your wisdom is wise! You described my narcissistic husband. After over 30 years I have awakened. These last couple years have been intensely unhealthy. The toxicity of emotional abuse caught up to me. Now that I’m NO longer in denial I’m working on finding myself. I appreciate you so much and some of the comments have really helped me too. I’m a codependent who’s learning to let go of unhealthy behaviors. Thank you for helping my being transition into a healthier wellbeing one day at a time. You are a beautiful person inside out.
I refuse to let him break me down I am the same person I was yesterday I will be the same person tomorrow and I'm the same person right now they will not change me I'm just as strong as I want to be I call him on it whenever I found out about it I break him down he don't even like to talk to me I go all in and he can't handle it. I record all of our conversations because he tries to tell me stuff that I did not say and I rewind the tape there is no gaslighting here I raised four kids damned if I'm going to let a man come into my life and make me second-guess myself
Broke up 8 x 3 kids and she has a alcoholic dad .. I’ve had a lot of therapy to improve my life and she has not .. when I finally stand up and showed her her patterns of on and off and how it’s horrible for our kids she had checked me out fully now.. well maybe it’s another spaz out .. try still or give up ? 4,6,13 yr old 2 breaks each kid
As someone who survived through two long term (years) narcissistic relationships, having absolutely no idea what was going on and spending years trying to figure out why I couldn't make this 2nd person stop being mean to me or why the previous person would dangle love in front of me (the most handsome man I had ever seen) and then say cutting things or disappear on me, I am SO GRATEFUL to finally be discovering what was going on!!! OMG! If only I had discovered these truths tests ago. I finally had to leave town to break free from the first one. The one I married passed away alone due to a lower gastric bleed brought on by alcohol abuse. I always thought they were either drug addicts or alcoholics. Well, they were but you are opening my eyes big time! It's all finally making sense to me. WTF? Interested in your programs and your books. THANK YOU! 🌺❤️🙏🏻
Lisa is so dang good, I can't take notes fast enough. Finally, someone who has removed the fog from the mirror and helped me figure out what the heck is wrong with 'these' people (Narcissists). Being around them robs my energy and keeps me in a 'fight or flight' mode!
I met my great, great uncle Eldon when he was in his nineties, I was going to college in the town where this aunt and uncle lived. I was 18, I knew nothing about narcissists, but in hindsight, this elderly man was a fading, bitter, jealous, evil narcissist. I did well in college and got a high profile job in this historic, well known town. I innocently sent he and my aunt a note about life and my college graduation, etc. He responded with a narcissisticly rageful, brutal lecture discrediting, minimizing and berating me. So I sent another announcement when I got my next degree and mentioned I was on full scholarship!
Lisa - Excellent piece. Thank you very much. I learned from Ken Robins, a highly regarded part time facilitator at Esalen, that forgiveness can sometimes be “obsolete”… that forgiveness shouldn’t be automatic as many believe. Why? Ken believed that if the offending person (a narcissist in this case) does not apologize (and they rarely do) then there is never a resolution… and we should switch our feelings for them to compassion (for their trauma) - because we will never be able to resolve the hurt they’ve caused us in our lives. Why should they apologize when they are always right? That is how I’ve resolved those complicated feelings from divorcing my narcissistic ex. It’s helped big time with my healing. And I work consistently on forgiving myself for “buying into” her BS.
@@lisaaromano1 I'm so in love with how we were until he started using meth my life was over from my best friend was always my fault he was never wrong what do I do he makes me feel crazy
A great video. Reminds me of how far my father and I have come over the years. I used to run from him, from our conversations, even putting states between us. But he has grown, and so have I, over the years. The latest was was a nice lunch together that did get a little loud near its end. I had to disengage and jump out of the car but that was fine. I was safe. I apologized. He waited until the next day (He is 82), but he was also sorry and apologized for his behaviour. He has grown a lot over the years and put in a lot of effort to mend the relationship we had when I was a child.
How can you tell when being jealous is a sign you have narcissistic tendencies ,or that it is a normal emotion when your partner seems happier with other people than with you?
Being jealous is a sign that you deserve more , if course itbis kot nice to see once boyfriend/girlfriend happier wit other people. That's tuff and not good for the relation. Big hug ❤❤❤
I recognize these horrible people that feel good about others feeling badly about themselves , projecting any mal/mis fortunate situations in their own life to cover their hurt
Yes I brow beat my narcissistic x spouse of a 3 time dysfunctionalrelationship … I thought ..but me I’m a Strong Black woman ., not taking drama or crap from a man , and I’m not docile or humbled under him at all. I fight him with his own medicine , then drop kick him to the curve . Course at that point I don’t give A Dam about what he’s feeling
The only cognition issues that I have is a narcissist trying to manipulate and validate himself to get my narcissistic supply so he can feel better about himself that is the only conduct issue that I have so the issue was really there’s not mine understand good point Lisa
Need some advice. My husband over reacts to everything negative!!! his fuse is so incredibly short that things that would normally be mildly frustrating to most people are too much for him and he gets angry and starts yelling. example: We were at his sisters house. she and i were chatting it up in the kitchen. He heads to the back yard to talk to our brother in law who is bbq-ing. He calls my name from the other room. "Callie!...CALLIE!!!" "Yeah? What's up?" "I NEED you! Just can you come HERE please?!" "Coming!" (quickly going and arriving in less than 3 seconds. Apparently her 3 big dogs were trying to get out to the yard when he opened the door.) "what is it?" (he's already angry at this point) "I was TRYING to get your help! But it's too late now." his sister: "it's ok they can go out." him "oh ok well whatever" and closes the door behind him. his sister gives me a wide-eyed look as if to say "Geez!" 😬 This is a tame example. (to clarify, he has yet to ever lay a violent hand on me, he just yells and throws absolute FITS). HERES the rub though. upon discussing such outbursts with him, he focuses the conversation on defending himself and why he is perfectly valid in feeling emotions such as frustration in this instance (like "i'm sorry, i just REALLY needed you right then. I couldn't hold the dogs."), or disappointment, or sadness, or confused, or whatever the case may be and that trying to invalidate someone else's emotions by telling them they simply shouldn't feel that way is wrong. I agree with him and say that he is fine to FEEL however he feels but it's what he DOES with those emotions that matters. and he comes back by saying "oh ok so I'm allowed to feel emotions, but I just have to HIDE it away and pretend otherwise. Yeah that's great. Thanks." At that point i am shut down. He's got a point and i don't know how to respond. That's how it always is. There's always a good point I don't know how to refute! He is also right now in a constant 24/7 heightened emotional state. He's only 33 and lost his grandma, grandpa, dad, AND mom in a span of 3 years. He's only got his sister left now. We are also renovating the house we share with my mom and grandma (and no we can't leave) so right now "our space" is limited to our little bedroom with a tv and our bathroom. literally that's it. Other than that it's a bare bones construction zone. The only physical escape he's got is his work (which is its own source of stress). And covid REALLY didn't help with the whole "feeling trapped" thing. So yeah, no sh** he's frustrated! To expect otherwise is unfair...right?
Ok, ok...that's a lot. Don't listen to all his excuses. Yep, he could use some talk therapy with all the recent deaths in his family. Grief is hard. Thinking he was like this before and you didn't recognize it. The narcs twist and turn, and come up with so much mind boggling ways to guilt people. YOU HAVE A RIGHT TO LOVE YOURSELF AND YOUR LIFE AND NOT BE IN HYPER REACTIVE MODE. THIS IS EXTREME STRESS ON YOUR WONDERFUL, GOD PERFECT BODY! Yikes, when you said, "he never layed a violent hand"....sad and scary, my mom use to say that, "he never hit me". They were married 56 yrs at her death. She said at the 3 week into marriage, he changed. But they were entangled into a religion and old fashion ways of thinking, like you must stay in marriage, suffer otherwise you''' not be able to live a good life. As this a was good life? PLus, she'd be damned to hell from the crazy religious beliefts. He put her in a nursing home at 85 yrs. HE wouldn't listen to his children in their 50s, I was late 40s. He listened to his own sister, she decided. He actually paid more for a nursing home than an assisted living that had memory care. I'm thankful she is free. I feel robbed I didn't have more fun and visits and travel with her. He is alone also declining in an asst living. With Covid, alone a lot. Complains about any nice residents who shows some care feelings toward him. He has no friends in there. Hardly any in life, the one's he did, were older and very odd, I never met only heard him talking oddly like that person. Take care of your Mom, Grandma and try to go out. You need to find freedom. It won't be easy but you can do it step by step. These narcs don't change.
You are so informative Lisa Romano. Now I understand that the behavior I have been tolerating is abusive. I am wiped out and fed up. You have given me the strength to walk away and save myself. I realize that I deserve better than this. I kept blaming myself for his behavior. I finally walked away and now I can exhale. Thank you again.
I think that instead of victims always being defensive, they should teach them a lesson so that they are weakened. The more resistance narcissists receive the less likely they will be to try their stunts. Exposure is the weapon. Find an escape route, plan to use it, then expose them without mercy.
Bruh, compliments can also be ammunition to a narc. They will give compliments to others and never you just to hurt your feelings. It's ok to feel hurt by that. It doesn't make you a narc.
I’m just getting out of a 19 year relationship which I never realized that I was in a abusive relationship. He broke me and my children mental state that we get nervous and anxiety when we have to talk to him. He has made me feel like I’m worthless and my kids. I’m trying to heal myself and my children but listening to you and others is what helping me understand what we were going through with him.
I like it to counter the Narcissist you must be meek self confident humble and forgiving! Our Lord Jesus Christ use these virtues. When confronted by a Narcissistic Pontius Pilate who mocked him and said that he has a power over his life, offering our Lord Jesus Christ to beg for his life, Our Lord Jesus Christ called him out of it that the Power of his he has it only if not given by God the Father up above! When they nailed Him on the Cross the mob mocked Him they said if you are truly the Son of God free your self from the Cross the Lord replied Father forgive them for they do not know what they are doing. Our Lord is not afraid to call the Narcissist Pharisees during His time He said they are like white wash tomb immaculate white outside rotten bones inside! K
Lisa usually I love your videos but this one had Soooo many adds 😩 it was very disruptive, there was an add every couple minutes and it kept breaking the train of thought. If the videos are going to be like this I just can’t follow what your saying. Please please less adds! 🙏
Exactly, difficult, but not allowing yourself to respond, drives them crazy. Learn to be neutral and definitely don't make it worse! Walk away, do something you enjoy.
