@narcabusecoach is there a video on how to heal from a narcissistic mother? I’ve been going through everything mentioned in the video. I was away from my narcissistic mother close to 10 years and was indirectly persuaded to move back in with her, at first I didn’t want to because I knew what it would imply but my grandmother who is also narcissistic convinced me other wise. Now I’m stuck and lost my identity and independence, she put me in a trance that who I am is a bad person and I’m wrong for choosing myself and having boundaries. She equates my privacy as secrecy and overstepped my boundaries every time I tried to set them. She sees me as an extension of her and I’m only the person she thinks I am in her mind. She comes from a different background of culture as well and usually misinterprets everything I say to her. I lost myself and my autonomy please point me in the right direction on how I can stop her from doing this to me thank you!
@@Gims884❤I would venture imho, boys and young men are stronger, & find ways to break free. They suffer mentally equally with girls, but find satisfaction in physical prowess & are less easily threatened. (Just an old grandma's perspective)
5 weird ways a narcissist parent treats their children 1-they become jealous of their own kids. they are 2-year old's in an adult body. they are threatened by the child's emotional and intellectual development. 2-they treat their kids as servants. kids exist to solely serve the parent's needs. the kids feelings, wants and needs aren't considered. 3-they control you using f.o.g. - fear, obligation, guilt. the child is expected to unconditionally tolerate poor treatment from the parent, with enthusiasm. 4-they make you as family manager. the eldest child is expected to raise the younger siblings, be the housewife, and be the emotional thermometer of the parents. 5-they will treat other kids better than they treat their own. it's done to make the child work harder for the narc parent's approval. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
#2 jealous of their own kids - my mom discarded my dad, & started dragging me out to party with her, & turned it into a competition. she tried to make it seem like it was normal. But looking back it was so weird.
When I was 17 I enjoyed listening to my fathers old vinyl records of bands like Queen and Black Sabbath. My mother didn't like it, my father was never home (work or pub always distracting him). Then one day I came home from college looking forward to relaxing with some good music only to find that all the vinyl was gone. My father had given them all, at no cost to, one of his friends 13 year old daughters who was just starting to discover music. My mother made it clear that it was none of her business that it had happened and how I felt about it was inappropriate.
i would propose a correction: "5-they will treat other kids better than they treat their own, UNLESS THOSE OTHER KIDS ARE YOUR FRIENDS (see 6). it's done to make the child work harder for the narc parent's approval." 6 - They will bully and put down your friends, ask them inappropriate and awkward questions, fault-find, covertly judgmental - and this is to communicate to you, GASLIGHT you, that you have poor judge of character and poor choice of friends."
❤When it comes to narcissists- they are one of the big reasons He is stepping in right now!🔥💪♥ He is coming to avenge! 👉Innocent go first- all the children of the world will disappear first then the adult believers.🥰 Jesus is coming back to pick up all those who accepted free gift of His death for their sins. Yes, after 2 000 years He is coming back with promised salvation!🙌♥🥳 As He speaks through the prophets He is sickened by the world: lies, abuse amd manipulations. Before He comes we will see Alaska's back to back earthquakes 7.6 and 7.3, we will also see Germany and Russia exchanging missiles. Jesus spoke of it all through his prophets! 🙌❤😊 Jesus removes His believers and then Apocalypse starts, do not be left for that! 🥹❤You can still call out to Him when kids are gone! Make sure you make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤He loves you like crazy! He sees you, ♥ 😍 Trust in what He did on the cross for you! He died for our sins and defeated the death by rising 3 days later! 🙌❤🥹 👉We are about to see Russia attacking Germany, Alaska experiencing two devastating earthquakes (magnitude 7.6 and 7.3) and the fall of Freemason Temple in Philadelphia.🙌 👉Only God knows the future. Jesus has now revealed all those details to his prophets right now! 👉CHILDREN will disappear around the world, then His true believers! Jesus promised 2 000y ago that He will come back for everybody who accepted His payment ( His death) for all sins. He will literally pull us out of this world so that we don't have to stay for the Judgment ( the Apocalypse). You can still call out to Him to save you after kids are gone, He will rescue you too❤ Make sure to make Jesus your Lord and Saviour🙌❤He loves you like crazy! He sees you❤🥹 What saves us is trust in what He did on the cross: He died for our sins and then defeated the death by rising 3 days later! He made it very simple, He has done it all for us so don't add anything to it! 🙌❤🥹
#5 Treating other people's kids better: 13:57 "...they do it for pomp and show, [...] for admiration, [...] for validation, 'oh such a nice mother such a nice father, look at them.'" I also suspect cruelty. My mom praised my friends but NEVER me. I think it was another sneaky way to make me feel worthless that was undetectable to outsiders AND to me until I was older. Narcs suck!!! Thank goodness WE have superpowers like empathy, REAL love and compassion, and the capacity to HEAL and experience joy! 🌈🌱🌿😃💐🍀💖
I lived every single thing you said. I was made fun of, humiliated in front of and with other family members and family friends, I felt like a failure and hated myself so much. I am the eldest daughter and had to cook for a family of 9 every single day. I would stay in my room daydreaming to escape my reality and was violently smacked in the face when I was caught doing so. I had no friends and couldn't play while all my siblings were playing outside with their friends. I would prefer to stay home alone while my family would visit friends because I would be humiliated all the time. My siblings were treated very differently. I was born to serve them and that's it! I was so quiet in school and was bullied all the time. Teachers would say that I was too calm and would never talk. This "ugly duckling" turned into a beautiful swan and at 30+, I discovered that my mother was jealous of me. I will continue to RISE, RISE and RISE!❤ Thank you @danishbashir
I’m so happy to hear Your doing good 😊 You deserve so much Happiness! I wish You all the happiness You can hold ! I feel Your pain , I went through everything you said !
trying to leave a narcissistic family is like trying to leave a cult. the parents expect you to be an adult when you're a child and then treat you like a child when you are an adult. i cut off my narcissistic parents at age 33 (am aged 50 now) and have not looked back. the peace of not dealing with that is priceless. you are never obligated to deal with anyone negative even if they are family. when you do, you are actually depriving them of the opportunity to self reflect and learn their lesson. don't wait around for that to happen though lol. from lived experience, go live your best life for yourself, bcuz you only got one life to live. cheers from southern ontario, canada 🍁
I had to go NC with a parent who actually raised me in a cult. My other parent, not a narc, passed away when I was 13 and he was only 38. He was a victim of her too.
I like especially the points you made about being treated like an adult as a child and a child as an adult. And also one that I have rarely heard. The fact that you are depriving them an opportunity to self-reflect.
My Mom was everybody’s favorite person. Everybody loved her. She did not like me. She had everyone convinced that I was a horrible person. My whole family believed that I was ungrateful and selfish. What’s left of my family still believe it. Thank goodness for my Sweetheart and my beautiful son, who love me. I survived but still have wounds. Peace be with you, brother. 🫶
The worst thing about a narcissistic parent is that it makes you feel like a child into your adulthood even when you have the achievements other adults have. It makes you doubt yourself even when others see you as strong and capable.
Danish, I am so sorry you were treated badly. You didn’t deserve it. You are a wonderful person. I’m glad you are healed now, and can help others heal, too. 😘
I thought it was completely normal that my family treated strangers so well. I grew up thinking that it was normal to treat your family poorly and be nice to strangers outside the family.
I thought that as well... then I found out, via the family 'grapevine" as well as family friends, that they (as with my sociopath oldman) only treat others well in front of YOU, and maybe other family members, a boss, etc -- wherever it benefits THEM. I noticed my oldman sociopath 'father' had a revolving door of short-term friendships.... nothing lasting. That's because with all his relationships, after putting on "the mask" to charm people into engaging with him, he eventually and without exception has to "take a piss" -- put them down in attempt to elevate himself as "the superior", whose uninformed opinion and often bizarre notions are FAR more important and valid than any degree, job or decades of training you might have in any specific field. And when people catch on, they "get his game", and then bail after a short while. The cycle repeats over and over.
Narcissists make you feel worthless in front of others by putting you down all the time . Narcissists want others to care for them, but they will never care for others.
@@beastman.330 in my experience, that was what narcissitic tin my life tried to do!! Being negative about me & it was never relevant timing & it was inaccurate too. They're just jealous so go all out to make themselves look & feel good?
I was my mother's therapist when I was 10. I knew all her aches and pains. When I complained about her telling her problems, she told me that she had to tell somebody. I never smiled when taking school pictures. She made fun of me. She was the reason. I carried her problems on my shoulders.
I understand this, about the twisted, toxic codependent relationship of being their therapist. She told me about her sex life with my dad and all her problems, never wanted to change or get help. It was extremely traumatizing and made me feel like I had to parent her.
@@Bike4Life231Yes.. I don't recall taking any lessons in 4th grade on how to raise your parents. Sad that they leaned on us to make up any of their shortcomings.
Because they messed up by making bad choices their entire lives, and never learned from them, so instead of making changes to make their lives better, they blame everbody but themselves, including their own kids for their failures. They feel their kids shouldn't have anything they could never have, such as a decent job that pays well, or a relationship with somebody who makes you happy. Deep down they are ashamed that their kids have it better than they ever did, because they care too much about what people think. It's funny though how they never gave it a thought about what others thought of the life choices they were so content with. That's the story of my life.
My narc mom found something wrong with anybody I associated with. If the person was toxic and narcissistic like her, she didn't say too much. The older I became, the more clingy and controlling she was.
My grandmother who raised me from the age of 10 to 18 yrs old was like that. Life was no crystal stair living in her house. My younger sister was the golden child and I was the scape goat. I was ok with it decades before I even heard the word or knew its meaning. I stood up for myself the older I got. Young or old, everyone comes to a breaking point with these people. Though I'll always be grateful for taking us in when no one else could, no tears were shed when she died either.
Yes, they have extreme jealousy and even hatred towards their children. My covert malignant narc parent has done a massive smear campaign against me. They think I don't know.. I have bare minimum contact with them, and when I am in contact, I act clueless to their attitude.
Yes it was & still is, even as an adult. It wasn't until recent years that I finally understood that there is no love there whatsoever from them, only transactional interactions where they are the sole one's to benefit. He's right about the ultimate betrayal being how they treat others, especially the new children & families that they took on to raise, so that they can constantly rub in your face just how unloved & unwanted that you actually are. They brag to others of all their sacrifices they made for you & make you look like the bad person & unappreciative or lazy one. Your entire childhood is trauma & mind-games. They do things to make you believe that you're crazy, things that you couldn't imagine a parent ever doing to a child, yet there it is. No love. What kind of strange beast can't love it's own offspring?
"They will display that compassion & that love towards 'other people's children'; (but not you).. -That makes you feel like crap--What is wrong with me? Am I a burden Am I worthless? Am I not deserving of Love? What have I done wrong?"
A very painful reminder of how I was treated by 2 npd parents. Everything Danish is speaking of, I was subjected to as a child. And it grooms a person to then fall prey to an npd spouse. I'm finally free of them all. Yay! Time to heal. Thank you, Danish.
omg.....everything you said.......just want to cry....my mother did this to me, i was only eight years old....here I am 54 yrs old, still messed up and just beginning to know why.....my life has been stolen from me.
Thank you! I didn’t realize how much I needed to hear that it okay not to go to a funeral from someone who understands. Danish- you are so talented and truly remarkable. You never deserved one minute of the suffering you endured. ❤
This is so true. It brought me to tears. I am an only child with a single mom who is a malignant narcissist- In Jr High I made 1st chair in advance placement band So her response "find your own ride home" since band took place after school and no buses ran at that hour. We lived 12 miles away In highschool I was in AP English, no longer playing an instrument Her response " I gave you everything and I don't even know how you could've gotten this far" After highschool I went to college and made the dean's list...I got the certificate and honestly I didn't even know that until I found it buried in paperwork When my father died Her response "I've paid more for you than you inherited from him. I deserve that $" I became a foster parent and my friend called her and said she was worriedbc I was going through the divorce Her response To call the state and enforce complaints to get my foster child taken from me bc of the "hero and savior of all children" she feels she is. Also, my mom is a clinical social worker who had a private practice. She would get deeply involved with my therapists I have pursued healing And even today, I am a wreck
I had a long comment typed out, but why bother? You nailed it. My cat doesn’t even like my narc mother. I’m very grateful for your channel! It’s the best narc topic channel.
🙏💜 Danish, this sounds VERY familiar to me! The main difference is my mother was the Malignant Narcissist and my father is the Covert Narcissist. My mother passed away last August, so the anniversary of her passing is coming up soon. It was a relief, but it led to a lot of heartache and shunning from my father and extended family. I'm slowly recovering and rebuilding my life, but these people are so cruel! And no...I did NOT go to the funeral. I refused to live a lie! I was No Contact with my parents prior to her passing, and I'm still No Contact with my father (I've added the extended family, too). As to the concern about "But they're your parents" goes...that is also very common in some cultures/religions in America. My father happens to be a retired minister, so you can imagine how that's been. It's very isolating when people don't understand. I usually ask people if they think I should allow myself to continue to be abused for the rest of my life when they say such things. If they don't get it after that? I move on. Seriously, if someone doesn't understand that abuse is wrong, then I can't help them. Thank you so much for making this video, Danish! Not only is it validating for those of us who have lived it, it also provides a way for us to share with others what it was like for us growing up. Sometimes, we don't always have the words to explain it, and this video can be a great conversation starter to help others understand what it was like for us. Take care and continue the fight against narcissism! I hope to join you in that fight one day once I have healed and I have found my place in that fight. Peace and safety to all...🙏💜
Thank you for this video. It deeply resonated with me, especially the part about narcissistic parents treating other kids better than their own. I’m 20, completed college three months ago, and my parents are pressuring me into marriage, using negative words like 'you can’t' and 'you won’t' about finding a job. Their attitude makes it hard to focus on my career. This video made me cry and helped me understand my struggles better. Thanks for shedding light on this issue.
This is exactly it. Besides being starved of safety, love and connection, basic care and support, play and joy, encouragement and and pride in who you are.
There are many channels out there that deal with this situation but clearly this man knows exactly what he is talking about! Keep up the good work my friend, you are indeed helping others to understand they are not the problem and that they are not alone!
All of the points touched on are so true! My mother is 90 & I am 71. She only gets more contriving. I have had anything & everything devious & slanderous said & done to me. She is still going strong, & continues to dangle the carrot, bc she knows that I struggle financially. And as a matter of perceived control. Thank you for you encouragement & knowledge
I have to take my hat to you Denis. You suffered too much, being raised by 2 narcissists and you thrive and are so successful in your career. That explains why you have such insights about narcissism. Thanks God that you are now able to help millions of people at the moment.
It’s a very important job, you’re doing here, young man! And I so much appreciate it. The depth of your knowledge and the brutality of your own experiences, touches me deeply every time I listen to you. I’m a daughter of a covert narcissitic mother and only for the last two years beginning to understand how much trauma I have endured in my life. Now I’m almost 60 but it’s never too late to learn and change. Thank you, Danish!
Familiar with all of these points but the most poignant is the last one, now all who received their adorable affection and care see me as a whacky ungrateful monster.
My experiences were seeing my mother being angry frequently. My sisters & I weren't allowed to get along & have our own relationship. My father was an alcoholic; he drank every evening, at least six pack or more of beer or other liquors. He never stepped in to stop our mother from being crazy. It's taken a toll on all our lives. Both parents are dead, but the aftereffects of being raised by them aren't totally gone. I'm now seeing my oldest daughter, who was taken care of by my mom, has many of the same traits. She's treating her 2 children the same; keeping them divided & not allowing them to have their own relationship. It's like watching my mom all over again.
Danish, you are so gentle and kind. So sorry you had to go through that abusive childhood. Thank God you were able to rise above it all and become the wonderful man you are. Now lots of people love you for how much you help them.
Narcspouse made us do massive hikes under the guise of "family time." One such hike nearly got us killed as rather than turn back with icy elevation AND 'scrambling' across a rock face in early spring, nah, we had to all prove to ... some one... how tough we were or something. 😡🤬 No hiking cleats, no sticks, my super absorbent winter coat was soaked, and it is absolutely amazing none of didn't die that day. But i today am thinking he was hoping i would hurt myself in that hike.
When my mother died I felt such a huge sense of relief and such a tremendous weight was lifted off my body … spot on with all these points! She’s been dead 30 years … still not long enough lol
My mom treats me with indifference or like I'm Irrelevant, a burden, a source of supply, like Im beneath her, like Im slow or dumb, like a stranger a child or a girl friend/sister she's jealous of and doesn't really like only tolerates to get what she wants
Thank you for the elder sister syndrome 11:48. It was made much more complicated as my narc Mom abused me physically and emotionally right in front of my younger siblings and yet kept repeating how i am the eldest, so have to be a good example setter! Its like they gave birth to me to squeeze out all their inherent poison they harboured. I grew up with one ambition. Not career but Freedom ❤ i live it every single day but also need to work on my healing every day
My narc mother was envious of me, and her other daughters are her flying monkeys...I've gone no contact for a year and I'm expected to feel bad for her because she now has Alzheimer's, but I don't...she damaged me for life.
That’s what I’m now going through, but I’m 59 and I know my worth, and I’m able to help my Mom because, I’m stronger and I don’t give a $#*+ others opinions. I’m fine to walk away. If you go no contact it’s fair. You do you 😊
Mine and father, 6 yrs now and all my 3 younger siblings and narc mother insist I return too take care of my sick father now at 80 yrs old??? 😅😅😅😅😅 Narc mother, narc brother siblings lol None have an ounce of empathy 😢 I was sooo sick , bedridden, dieing, my narc mother said : " hospitals aren't my thing" 😮 now demands I come back and take care of dementia dad?? Hahaha 😅😅😅 They left me homeless for 6plus yrs 😢 gaslight my adult daughters and grandchildren, now my new great grand-child , Ive never seen??? Nah, My family is all supposedly Christian, my parents are pastors 😅 I serve JESUS, no man , especially those being controlled by demonic entities 😅❤@libbysimpson9127
Keep serving Jesus And keep your self preservation and sanity... you're doing good and you're strong... You know and understand who you are in Christ... And you are being transformed from glory to glory All we can do now is leave it all in God's hands... You are amazing through our lord and saviour as your strength God bless you.❤
@lynnemarylou7611 I've been doing exactly this for 10 year's now , intensely isolated for 6yrs now . I've been in so much therapy, rehabs, education now , literally studied psychology after being forced off my nursing job due to MULTIPLE SCLEROSIS...yet I gave everything too JESUS and he has healed Me , time after time, and MY ex, my narc mother especially, don't know what too do with a Healthy , healed Person, lol my mind, is more than clear hahaha. My memory is has been back and it's freaking them all out ....God's dealing with their year's of abuses and my loving kindness and me never seeking vengeance on this last and despicable betraying.... His vengeance is way more detailed than I could ever see... I'm living alone and FREED ...I'm not dating anyone else, I'm not interested unless It's God's purpose. Year's now , on my own and I'm filled with HIS JOY !!!!! BLESSINGS TO YOU FOR YOUR ENCOURAGEMENT... I've cautioned and warned for year's moving on now....
Reading the comments on how parents treat them as children and adults. I'm saying that happened to me. Time and again. I'd never thought of my father as a narcissist. I don't think we were aware of such things. He has been gone from planet for 42 years. When he went I was shocked but thankful, and relieved. I felt better.
Family vacations with a narcissistic parent is hell. I’m 64 yo and have ptsd from traveling with him and don’t want to travel with anyone now, especially him. It’s a real phobia. His yelling and tantrums and aggressive driving and making us do everything he wanted to do and eat everything he wanted to eat and him pushing our four kids to do activities they hated was traumatic for all of us. Sadly, everything you said is relatable. His mother was just like him.
Danish, I totally relate to what you experienced, and it baffled me why my narc parents' behaviour was so different in public compared to the demeaning, unloving, shaming, mocking, and so on behaviour that they subjected me to in the home.
Danish, despite the horrors you suffered growing up, You have become a wonderful gentleman with such a kind heart, a man of high intelligence and pursued quite an impressive education in college. This is how strong you really are. Your father poking fun at you about your "strawlike arms" but yet you are so mentally strong that even two decades of constant daily abuse ×'s 2 did not break you or stop you from fulfilling your dreams. That is something that you should be so proud of. You have shown them that you are unstoppable no matter what gets thrown your way and that gives you all the power because they were 2 adults and you were just a child and repeatedly beaten down, only to rise up again. I hope that you have allowed yourself to really take a step back and see exactly what you came from to what you've become and that you have taken a moment to tell yourself how proud you are of yourself because you deserve to hear it. Also, for what it's worth, young Danish, I'm so proud of you for doing so well on your examinations. It shows that you were paying attention in the classroom, keeping up with your home studying, and retaining the knowlege. Also, I am so excited and happy that you won your trophies and ribbons for your outstanding performances. You really earned those. You did good. I know it's not the same as hearing it from your parents but I believe you still deserve to hear that and it is coming from genuine sincerity. Had I been your parent, I would have then told you to choose a special treat you'd like for your accomplishments after each individual achievement. Such as going out for ice cream or a certain eatery that you enjoy. I'm sorry you didn't receive that kind of recognition. You should have been given encouragement for all the things that you did. I'm so glad that you're away from that toxicity now and thriving so well. I appreciate your thoughtful and informative videos and for having the courage to include your own very private and traumatic experiences regarding the subject of the videos. They really do help me alot so Thank you so much. May you be blessed❤
Kate Spade!!… Well Said!! InAlso AGREE with You!! I’m like that too.. rewarding your kids for what they’ve done to accomplish something great in their lives to feel confident about themselves (like going for ice cream or sending them a card Congratulating them)!! Just showing them.. they’ve done well & that you’re proud of them as they should be proud of themselves too!! These Narc parents are like living with torture & sadness everyday!! They are So Cruel!!😳🤯😩😭💔🙏🙏🙏🚫👹🚫👿🚫😈
@@HISIAM888RUHIS888 Thank You so much! Yes, I can't imagine not being excited and enthusiastic when your child does a good deed or has an accomplishment. They deserve that validation that someone is paying attention and taking notice. Without this, why bothering trying to do anything? It's just more work for the same non acknowledgement and another let down when it's ignored. That's so sad. Plus, if the child is going to be rewarded with praise and excitement they will try harder because that makes anyone feel good no matter your age. When we work jobs we are, at the minimum, rewarded with a paycheck for our work. Education and sports or extra curricular activities take putting in work. There should be something that makes that worthwhile. It also builds up their self confidence and gives them a sense of pride for making mom and dad smile. Some people should seriously not have children. We're supposed to guide them towards success and happiness and fulfillment, not use them to take out our frustration, anger, or personal feelings of failure. I can't imagine having both parents that are narcissists. They had no idea how strong he actually was for him to have overcome to such extraordinary lengths. Glad to see that you're a parent that cares too. They're so precious! Have a blessed day ❤️
You always knock it out of the park. It helps SO MUCH just to be validated. The narcissistic parents are so good at making you feel like the crazy one, when it was them who were crazy. And only those of us who have been through it truly understand. Thanks again, Danish. Another great video!
My mom, who slept with my boyfriend when I was a teenager and then decided to tell me later at an opportune time, has an answer for everything. She will say that the child chose their parents because of her convenient new age beliefs…gets her off the hook. She presents to all the world what a wonderful daughter she has…it keeps her looking good…she devalues in subtle ways and when nobody is around…except when her jealousy gets the better of her and when she hears her daughter expressing complex ideas it’s “you stupid broad!” I think it was that other b word but anyway…love listening to Danish because he speaks from the heart, wisdom born of pain…it’s a gift.
I am so sorry for all you went through. I have gone through this with my ex bf's parents. He accepted being a slave, and turned me into a slave. I am free now. Feeling peaceful.
On one hand it served my father's ego that his son/ that is his extension -me/ graduated from a medical school, on the other hand he took enormous pleasure finding out that I was struggling with something during my studies. That probably made him feel better.
They are like this til the end! They never change but are fully aware. They do what works and what works is crippling us. I found an old photo of my Mom. My former opinion was that she was a nice girl. I looked at that photo and there sat a narcissist. The smirk. I thought that she was different but that photo was worth a million words! She looks at old school pictures and pines for that time of her life because she had a ball. Later, life was blah for her. No captive audience.
Two alcoholic, narcissistic, perfectionist parents was a bit much. Fell into addiction and nearly died of a drug overdose. I crawled out of the pit of hell and have overcome only because of God's grace. They are deceased now but their evilness lives on through my brothers, one of which is the golden child.
You are so very right about how they treat other peoples children better. I have said this before about my mother. She’ll do things for them that she never would do for me. My mother used to put the receipt on the table or counter for make sure that I paid her for something that she picked up for me at the store that was 50 cents even but that is not how she would treat a stranger.
Thank you Danish for spurring a painful memory from my childhood that needed to be healed. I’ll never forget how that evil woman made me feel when I received a very prestigious award in the 90’s. It made her even madder when I graduated the same year with high honors. It unalived the false narrative she was basically trying to build on my life trying to paint me out to be mentally incompetent. It took me a very long time to work out why she hated me so much (all my life). Three decades later the truth finally came to light that it was all in aide of my stolen trust.
I didn’t experience that to my parents , so I know I’m not one of this narc but I’m now dealing with one I trusted for so long . Realise that this is it .
O m g... It's like you're talking about my childhood... I almost want to cry... I was the middle sister, and I had to take care of 2 younger brothers... My father was a narcissist and my mother I think that it was codependent. They somehow convinced me to take care of the 2 younger brothers, and there was also an older brother who beat us... I spent a large part of my childhood running away from home... Although I tried to study well at school. It was very hard. Now I'm a somewhat maladjusted adult, depressed, and with many emotional problems... :(((( Thank you @danish Bashir.
'A means to an end' is a shortcut answer to years questions related to narcs. As an isolated separated wife to a narcissistic husband, mourning not having kids, your video might be just what i needed to restart existing and living again. I am so sorry for what you went through. You explain it all so clearly, I felt like I was there. Your videos are needed in the world. So much of this is just not usually believed. May god bless you for the truth and making good stuff out of the nightmare you were handed.
🌼I know I speak for everybody when I say we understand 100% and feel horribly bad that you were treated that way. You've lived to tell about it, tho, and you've let your experiences teach you which in turn has helped you help us. 🌼My narcissistic mother was also an alcoholic while we were growing up. She was utterly controlling and guilt was her #1 tool to use against me/us. Our dad was the quiet enabler. 🌼I had flashbacks when you were talking about (everything, but in particular...) giving other kids attention and affection. My dad was like this, too. It made me feel terrible. I just "knew" that meant I was a disgusting kid. 🌼I wish I knew then what I know now.
This is so healing to listen to. There are literally thousands of therapists talking about the same subject but this is so spot on and I just wanted to say thank you for making such a wonderful video ❤❤
Danish - I been watching ur videos for 2 years. U have helped me so much. Thank You for making ur videos and Thank U for sharing ur experiences (as painful as they r) U r putting words and acknowledgement of what I couldn’t (just knew something was really wrong w my mom & the way she was towards me, but couldn’t put a finger on it) But now U have! Thank U and Bless U. Please keep doing what U R doing - I personally really appreciate it. 👍🥰🙏🏻
You're awesome Danish. Both my parents are/were narcs as well. & apparently we share common similarities growing up. I also was a slave for my parents working their farm ling house with no childhood. 🎉
True true everything you stated in your post was exactly how we were ALWAYS treated and told. I’m 77 now and dispite paying for therapy all life, I still have the brutal memories as if they were shown yesterday 😣 Please everyone , get help and explain what you need better than I have . GB xo 🌱
Thank you for that. I needed to hear this, especially the part about them loving on other kids. I was always bullied by the whole family, including the extended family, because I was always painted as the black sheep and yet I still felt that I owe them some sympathy because I felt guilty for not being the perfection they expected. In reality I don't owe them anything.
Thanks for another wonderful video. Among all the RU-vid videos about the narcissism yours by far are the most relatable to me, which I believe is because you have also been through this and therefore know how exactly it feels like, while those only have textbook knowledge tend to be shallow since it's only from guessing. My both parents are narcissists too and I've been experienced every single of them you have mentioned. I've known them being narcissists for decades, but I failed to realise they will never change, falsely believed that I should make them happy, and thought probably a slight part of them were still loving me. My life has been messed up by them but still couldn't make my mind to cut the tie. Until two years ago, I got serious health issues due multiple incidents caused by different narcissists, I decided to stop and examine the situation. It was during the process of self-reflection did I realised all of those terrible decisions I made and toxic behaviour patterns were stemmed from the abuse I got from them! It is so painful and only those who experienced the same know what I'm talking about. But I have to take it and move on. Wish everyone who suffered from this will break this chain and live a happy life from now on, but this time for ourselves.
Wow...my middle brother ( I'm the youngest) developed a stutter, the got a couple of engineering Ph.D.'s. I'm a city bus driver. I blew off the rest of the family and occasionally talk to my PhD brother. Thanks to your videos I see how I used their tactics throughout my own life, and I'm very regretful I ever did that, and I say it is best for me to be divorced, older, and not seeking to remarry. I'm damaged goods, and so grateful to finally understand.
Thank you! for your video. I’m in my 50 still going through and dealing with, as an Asian I’m the only child with no father so my mom living with me. God help me 🙏🏻
Every day when they came home from work, I had to recite a poem: "I'm the luckiest little girl in the world because I have the best parents in the world." 😖😢
Everything you said about parents rings true regarding my mother. She is gone, but now I must deal with two narcissistic daughters. Their treatment of me is the same as that which I dealt with as a child from my mom. I’m 75 years old And walked away from my older daughter two years ago and I’m in the process of walking away from my younger daughter now. The pain is unbelievable. Thank goodness I mam in relatively good health and don’t need to depend on them for care. I am going to find out what resources are available to older people when they become infirm so that I don’t have to depend on these two women for anything in the future. Your work is amazing. Thank you so much for all that you dofor survivors of neglect and abuse .
I am so sorry this happened to you❤. I hope you are able to be the father that you needed and should have had. I am glad you realized you were not the issue, they were! Wishing you the happiest life filled with love and happiness ❤
