I am at the point where I am okay either way but at the same time I know that it will hurt my heart immensely if things don’t work out when we try again and I’m scared of that possibility.
I really dont care if he comes back. I have set boundaries which he is well aware of. I am free , happy and intend to stay that way. I suspect he is a narcissist, so I really dont need that! Good advice from you.
what should i do if im in no contact and used too play soccer with a group and meet her in the group and still wanna play soccer with the group because i like playing it
In a new video could you maybe talk about the concept of “right person wrong time” and maybe the reframe of “if they wanted to they would” to “if they were ready to they would” ? I recently had just started dating someone who had an on again off again relationship with an ex but I didn’t realize it was still ongoing. He ended up ending things with me but never mentioned the ex as the reason (he didn’t know I knew because his friend mentioned it to my friend) saying “i really could see it going somewhere. Maybe we could revisit dating in the future” (obviously bringing up revisiting was a little unfair) but I do think he meant that he could see it going somewhere cause I felt that from him during the two weeks we were together. It felt really reciprocal. I do wish he had been honest that things had rekindled with his ex and that was the reason. Part of me feels like because we didn’t really have a chance to actually see if it might go somewhere because there was no way he could give anything a real chance if he was still wrapped up in residual feelings for and ex and honestly I would still be open to it in the future but I definitely feel hurt that he wasn’t transparent about why. I also know that I need to fully let it go of course and move forward whether or not he comes back around. But do you believe in things just being the wrong time. I gave him a short mature response with no indication of whether or not we could revisit in the future and just told him that I respected his decision
Hi Courtney, thank you so much for sharing your story! I would say I definitely believe in timing, however, we can't negate a persons needs or intentions. It is very possible that he was not ready to jump into another relationship, but the need that was present at the time was possibly comfort or validation. That doesn't mean the connection wasn't real, however, clarity of intention and an understanding of expectations (for him) are important to nature a healthy and sustainable relationship long-term. Does that mean the timing wasn't right? Sure! That being said, we should not wait for that person to come around. Prioritize yourself, your healing, and growth. If things some back around... great! - Coach Danny
Hmm... if I wait until I don't care what the outcome is, I feel that would mean I lost interest and wouldn't make the effort at that point anyway. The whole intention of approaching someone is for it to work out. I mean, when someone means a lot to you, you would want it to work out, and you would feel upset if it didn't. If you feel nothing, then you felt nothing for them in the first place or you're repressing your feelings. I disagree with you about not bringing up the past. Of course, you're not going to bring this up as the first thing to discuss, but the main issue that caused the deal-breaker breakup is still lingering and must be resolved or there is no reason to continue. I'm thinking the approach to resolve it may need to be different, but I don't believe in shoving it under the rug, then it just festers there and will come out in other ways. That's part of the self-reflection... you reflect on where you went wrong and own it. Then work on taking each other into consideration to reach a solution. Some things are permanent deal-breakers, for instance - one partner wants children, but the other does not. Hmm... have no expectations? You can walk into a movie with no expectations, but if you walk into trying to fix a relationship with no expectations, I think you would be approaching it with a la-de-da attitude and not give it a full effort. I understand you don't want to be disappointed, but life is full of disappointments. This is how we learn, grow, and evolve. No expectations would mean you're not meeting your needs - just allowing for whatever happens, happen. Such a stoner approach to things. I mean, you're expecting the other person to work on this with you, and if not, then we must accept the ending. This is not about allowing them to sweep it under the rug and play the fake it until we make it game. That's not a healthy way to approach a relationship - it's about working through the tough issues and figuring out the CORE issue at hand, validating each other's feelings (even if we disagree), and coming together on common ground and understanding. Your approach is very avoidant, which makes me wonder if you might have an avoidant attachment style.
You need approval only when it comes to genuine relationships, on genuine level. It's called mutual respect, and values. You ask about certain preferences of a compromise, liking the certain restaurant or food etc You dont need approval when it comes to your own genuine values.
Do not go back to your ex unless he came to you. There is a reason why he is ex..the best way to handle any break up is cry and drink for 2 weeks and move on. There is always better options out of there
I’ve found it nearly impossible to talk casually and joke with my ex because the vibe from her is tense and she will always steer the conversation towards the relationship… she’s also a dismissive avoidant
Could I get your opinion on this strategy? We were friendly for the first week after she broke up with me. Then I told her I needed some time to recalibrate and focus on myself, that I don’t think we should talk for awhile. So I’m doing no contact. I know she won’t reach out no matter how she feels based on respect for my space. In a few weeks I planned on texting “no interest in talking about the past, but I would like to catch up. Could we get coffee or dinner Saturday?” I’m already doing a ton of work on my life and my confidence is back, I feel that if we see each other in person I can be casual and confident, reinforce the attraction she had. Keep the meetup short. Then wait awhile to see if she reaches out to me.
How’d this all play out for you? Sounded like a solid plan, not sure if you needed to mention specifically avoiding the topic of the past. Interested to hear, it sounds similar to my situation.
I am in the No contact now. It's been about 2 weeks and my Ex has texted me 3 times. I only text back briefly when he text me first. But he has not initiated seeing me. Is it a problem if I initiate seeing him at this point? (His issue has been ghosting me)
Hi Heather, Thank you so much for reaching out to us about this. I know our coaches would love to help you with your situation but they would need to know a little more about your situation in order to give you effective advice. I would highly suggest you book a coaching session with us using this link: www.withmyexagain.com/coaching/ -LATV Team
Im 53 she is 26 she told me 2 weeks ago she needs some time to herself. She felt like we were in a relationship but we weren't. How long do I wait to connect her?
