Not sure if anyone else feels this way, but in my case, having high social intelligence actually skyrockets my social anxiety. I am able to "read the room" quite well, and others tend to feel comfortable talking and confiding in me. However, I pick up on others' moods and nonverbals to such a painstaking degree, that it makes me terrified to speak and express myself most of the time. I constantly end up self-censoring in order to make others comfortable. As where, people with a lower social intelligence are often more free to just say what they mean and feel. Thus, they end up coming across much more genuine and authentic than I do.. Overall, I just struggle to find the balance.
I feel you. I used to care a lot about what others think about me. Now I don't care about people except about those that are close to me. You should know that you cannot please everyone because people are so different. Usually those that look and behave like you are those that eventually will like you and those that are very different will dislike you. Just be genuine self and you will feel so much better.
Social intelligence is the capacity to know oneself and to know others. Social intelligence is learned and developed from experience with people and learning from success and failures in social settings. Social intelligence is the ability to understand your own and others actions. Also to know when people are using your empathy against you. Empathy without boundaries is self destruction. And it's the capacity to communicate and form relationships with empathy and assertiveness. It comes from knowing yourself and exercising proper emotional management. We can say it is closely linked to emotional intelligence, but it is not exactly the same thing. I tend to make people uncomfortable because I open up too quickly and talk about things they do not want to talk about. Awkward. I also offend people because I am reading them which makes them feel judged. I do project but even moreover, I don't think about their feelings before I say things. Well, sometimes I know it will hurt to say it but, it's better than saying what people want to hear all the time.🤷 Ultimately, I would rather be hated for who I am than be loved for who I am not. People dont really comprehend what your saying anyhow. It's like they have selective hearing.
Thank you for your thoughtful reply. It seemed to me that, after reading your comment, you seem very self-aware of your own social intelligence and how it affects the people around you. Was the information in the video similar to your understanding of emotional/social intelligence?
@@Psych2go 💯absolutely! I definitely catch myself thinking "Yep" while watching your videos multipletimes. You definitely give great information in all your videos.
You know, growing up with autism and being bullied for being "special Ed" back in middle school, made me want change for the better. I started to get out of my comfort zone and try to interact with others. I keep breaking the social rules but adamant to try. After a few years of trial and error, i managed to perfect it. Reading "how to win friends and influence people" was also a cherry on top to improve it. I now can go and say "hi" to anybody and strike a conversation. Plus it makes job interviews and others alot easier. Ironically the ones who called me "special Ed" made me a social butterfly and made me appreciate the world.
This is extremely interesting. Being able to know other’s communication needs is something that is fairly overlooked in our world I feel. It’s always good to keep an open mind.
I’m autistic, so I lack a little bit in the “reading the room” aspect of social intelligence, but I do know I have high emotional intelligence and can feel a person’s emotions on a deeper level even if I don’t know exactly why they feel that way.
I kinda used to be like that with my friends in school but ended up having no friends cuz they just want someone who judges them I know this sounds weird but I think they see people like me are trying to please people and have a weak personality, My teacher at school told me that the problem in my personality that I express my love to everyone which makes me look like I have a weak personality, I was really disappointed by that, I do that cuz I hate the feeling of being judged and I don't want other people to feel like that around me All popular students at my school are hard to be friends with and judge you so hard when u talk to them, other students tend to them cuz they find it difficult to win their friendship So recently I lost a lot of my social and empathizing skills and just became suspicious of my own personality
Halfway through the video, and No. 3 _really_ jumped out at me. 💡 When perfect strangers approach me in public, asking for advice and assistance or simply speaking whatever’s on their prefrontal cortices in the moment without discomfort or awkwardness, you begin to suspect the possibility of being likeable and/or approachable at face value. Not bad for someone who spent decades ravaged by a façade of impostor syndrome… r-right? 👤 Evidently, I’m still healing even now, but it means I’m better equipped to sympathise and (hopefully) aid those who still struggle with an identity crisis in ways that mesh well with us both. 💞
Growing up with 2 older sisters (I’m a younger brother…✋🏾✋🏾✋🏾)……I was always told by them I was “judgmental” because, I would critique a lot of the toxic decisions they’ve made throughout the years…….They’ve struggled with a lot of certain issues in life, as we all have, but their struggles were on a much different level…Absentee fathers for their children, domestic violence almost resulting in death, no stable living environments or work, depression etc;….I’ve always had steady income (30 consecutive years since my first job at 15yrs old), stable housing and environments, and an overall outlook of positivity for everyone in life. We were all raised very similar in our core-household principles (faith, education, discipline), but I’d be remiss to say, there was some parental disparities that came from our parents to us as siblings…..These disparities undoubtedly played somewhat of a role in our overall persona’s. The main difference between my sisters and I, is that even in my most negative of times, I’ve always been more of an “observer” first, than a “doer” first (less reactionary emotionally), meaning, I’ve always been cautious in the people I tend to associate with, the environments I hang around, how I react to a situation etc;. This saved me from a lot of unnecessary grief and turmoil throughout the years….When I look at my circle of close friends, about 5 of us from childhood/high school, thru present adulthood, I was the first to befriend each one of them personally in our youth, then brought us all together over the years….Wasn’t by design, just kinda how it happened. I’ve heard stories from each and every one of my friends and family when they were down on their luck, whether it be marital problems, work related issues, major decisions….I always wondered why, I never had a “volunteered ear” to speak too when I went through downtimes, but I realized, I was the ear to everyone else, and will continue to be so….I’m fine with that….Great video!….👌🏾❤️😉
Both of my half sisters have the exact same life your sisters are having. I never asked about the father of their daughters or why they aren't present in the child's life etc. But I did realize that they're only kind to me cause mom tells them or gives them money. Whenever they argue with my mom they turn their back on me and refuse to help me. I definitely don't need people like that in my life. So much for being their free listener and not judging their actions. I guess their's people that don't want advice on how to better themselves. Also, my brother doesn't want anything to do with them either, lol
@@dianavivar8703 It could be a jealousy thing amongst siblings, along with lack of their accountability. Me and my sister’s are 100% blood related. Honestly, lack of affection from my father played the biggest role in all of our struggles. In a classic nuclear family upbringing like ours, children need their father’s sensitivity, love, discipline, and encouragement, especially little girls as they grow into women (Daddy’s Little Girl). We lacked that deep affection from our father (although he did love us), and they harnessed their behaviors in negative ways, including negative emotions towards the most attainable and helpful male in their life, myself. We lost our mom 20 years ago, and we always needed family therapy (even before losing her), and for him to be front and center in those sessions, but it never happened….We buried him 6 months ago, and that wedge is still there unfortunately, even with a younger half sister that we have. I pray we all will persevere, but a tight knit family takes years and lots of love to build that bond. If not, trauma’s will take place over those bond….I hope everything works out for you. Just continue to be accountable for yourself, and your own positivity…Hopefully the proper outcomes to everyone’s life holds suit…..👌🏾👍🏾😉
@@Psych2go Your videos are really educational and really helps me understand friends and family better while I can also learn from them and work on improving myself. I’ve personally had toxic behaviour in my past relationships and your videos really helped me improve and become a better person for those around me! Thank you🙂🙏
How to differentiate between ADHD and Digital Dementia??? I talked to someone senior about how I show all the symptoms of ADHD and he simply discarded it by saying it's my phone and not a disorder or something, excessive phone usage made me so much unable to focus, distracted, restless. Ps: I have been like this as a kid too 🙃
I’m no doctor but suspect i have ADHD too. If you have been showing daily at least 6 symptoms/sighns for a like 6 months (given that you have been showing them since you were a kid)it’s likely you have ADHD. also elderly often neglect stuff like mental disorders by saying “well idgf, you need to focus harder”. What that says to you is that they don’t know what ADHD is nor want to. I recommend to seek help somewhere else because that person doesn’t want to help you. I hope it gets better for you
Give it time, it will come. Sometimes it’s hard, and it takes time to learn people’s personalities and how they respond to things. Some people you have to handle with “kid gloves” while others respond better to a more direct approach. But never second guess your instincts and go with your gut when speaking to people. Your confidence will come with experience. You got this!
Timestamps 1). High in emotional intelligence 1:04 2). Understanding how others tick 2:02 3). People like talking to you 2:45 4). Appreciating differences 3:31 5). Active listening 4:29 6). Conflict management 5:14 Hope this helps you out. Hope you have a nice day. 💙💙💙💙💙💙
I think I can improve on “active listening” and “conflict management”. While I try to actively listen, it often happens that a certain thing they say causes an association and then I’m suddenly following my thoughts. I am then completely missing what else the other person is saying. If it is a one on one conversation I usually tell them that I went into a thought process and ask them if they can repeat what they just said. I’m not sure yet how I can avoid following my own thoughts, but maybe it isn’t always too bad either since the other person usually responds positively when I try to get back to listening. On conflict management: when a conflict occurs, mostly between two other people, I’m usually “freezing” and not sure what to do to de-escaluate the situation. These situations happen when I’m with a friend that gets into a conflict with someone we meet. I often feel somewhat bad that I do nothing and let just everything happen - even if the two persons hurt eachother (physically or verbally).
One thing I've heard several times that can help in being an "active listener" is to repeat back to the person (or even to yourself) some of the main points they have said to you, which could help you to stay on track with them. It's kind of a good trick cuz you can't follow your own train of thought at the same time that you're also speaking. Or another way is to vocally empathize with them (same trick but of course be genuine with it). For an example, the other person says "...she always thinks she's right about everything when we speak..." & you can say"Oh yah, that has happened to me too, I hate when someone does that!" (so you're sort of agreeing with them and also showing you've experienced this too, by habit I tend to do this often myself actually. But it's a great way to show someone that you're really listening and hearing them). In the other scenario when your friend is getting into a confrontation with someone else, the main thing is to avoid placing yourself in any dangerous situation. Especially if it gets physical! I hope this can help you! 😊
i suppose i am, not trynna blow my own trumpet lol, but i do understand myself a lot, and i know i have these traits honestly this was a feel-good video, i feel amazing after this!
I believe I am an intelligent person, though not quite “genius level”, but at least smarter than the average Joe, as I have an increased knowledge and understanding of who I am and various other topics, not to mention planning things out for the future. One thing that I would like to improve on is this area, of social intelligence.
I mostly find myself having hypothetical ideas that end up being correct but I'm never able to use the right information to do it. I think I relate to maybe being empathetic (EQ), appreciating differences (that one was a natural), active listening is something I try my best to do and maybe the understanding a little. So about half ? That's just me though. Maybe people perceive me a different way. Infact, I had problems of people NOT talking to me at a point where I cared about it. I love my alone time but it started going over what I wanted it to. That's why I question if I am or not. Halfly thanks for bringing my thoughts up ! It was useful for sure !
i feel the “hypothetical ideas that end up being correct” i’ve been thinking about that a lot this week. for the most part, my conscience and subconscious are always right!
In this video I can recognise myself in each sign, i don’t think I’m very social intelligent but I recognise myself in listening, capability of talking with everyone or adapt to the people with who I talk. The funniest is that few years before I won’t recognised myself in the video, meaning we can indeed improve our social intelligence :) Thanks for the video!
Im incredibly socially intelligent. Id say Im mainly emotionally intelligent, but have severe ADHD. Its hard to active listen when you cant concentrate for more than 30 seconds
I believe I am highly socially intelligent, always knowing what to say and do. Let's see how that changes after I see this video EDIT: I definitely am highly socially intelligent, more so that i initially realizedm
@Psych2go I've always done well when analyzing other's emotions and deciding what the best and most calm approach is in a debate or argument. I've also always known how to talk to people to get them to open up or be my friend
@@Psych2go I don't always process what i am saying before it's said. Like the video said. Also, like the person whose comment this is, we can come off like we are trying way to hard to prove we are smart. Or "socially intelligent." There are 2 kinds of reasoning skills. Logical and emotional. Emotions cloud all judgement and tend to make us irrational. We also blow things out of proportion and exaggerate. We may try hard to reason logically but the irrational being thrives on emotion and most are addicted to their senses.
Those are very important social skills! Being able to calmly assess a situation and analyze a person's emotions can certainly help you navigate through difficult social situations :)
It happened just a few hours ago. I got approached twice for directions. I felt like i had an "information desk" sign above my head. I love to help people and i guess i radiate that. Also at my new job there are some grumpy older guys who visibly lighten up when they talk to me. I'm relatively young in comparison (39). One guy came into my office which i share with an older guy (he's not that grumpy but a bit lazy ... he takes a lot of smoke breaks) and said "You guys need to do some work now and stop chatting and wipe that dumb grin of your face." i instantly reacted with "Look who's talking, going to a tea party." he was carrying a teapot. He started laughing and we joined in. :)
I’m kind of in the leadership position in my school coding club. I don’t know how to be a leader because I’m not as much social and because of that May impose sort of weird effect or impression on others. I genuinely care about people and want to help or listen or understand their feelings, but often fail to show that. It usually takes time for them to get comfortable or understand that I don’t have any bad intentions
Social intelligence isn’t easy to master-if it were, there wouldn’t ever be another awkward conversation at a party. However, working toward a strong social intelligence can lead to a richer life-or, at least, an easier time making a few new friends.
0:51 well so far it fits with me being able to tell in what mood a person is just by their expression, well maybe most people don't bother actually seeing the expression they just look at it... 0:54 on the other side effective communication comes from experience and knowing how to approach a person while also considering their mood, so observing and reacting are two different things, well in my case I'm quite good at observing and quite awful at reacting unless I have been in the situation before, well even then it's not a guarantee it will turn out for the better... 1:19 well if empathy is feeling what other feel I'm quite bad at it... but I have the imagination to put my self in the place of someone else and try to see the situation from their view, I wouldn't really call this empathy because it won't allow me to feel how hurt they are be it emotional or physical pain, on the other hand if I felt what I presume they feel right now considering that I tried to put my self in their shoes, I can remember how I felt in a similar situation and well it gives me a rough idea of how they are feeling, but I wouldn't call this empathy... 2:20 reading the room is easy for me, acting accordingly is the hard part... 2:51 no... I like talking to people, well talking is not the word it's more like I like to discuss philosophical topics, I really dislike small talk... well most people are not interested in such discussions, considering that it should not make any difference if you are making small talk or talking about deep topics, well maybe small talk is more enjoyable to them just like I enjoy more to discuss the universe or the possibility of afterlife... 4:35 you know one reason to avoid conversation would be because the conversation is on an emotional topic... and if you are an emotionally unavailable person, well you would rather have an excuse to not have the conversation than engage in it, why is that.. don't know ask someone that is EU if you manage to make them talk about such things...
People enjoy talking to me but I don’t like it when people I don’t know walk up to me and try to have a conversation with me it makes me really nervous but I can usually tell if someone is a person who I can be friends with so if they talk to me I will warm up to them eventually
If Im right 80 to 90% of actual communication/social interaction is actually through body language, facial expression, eye contact, and etc. Not through speech, although tone is another key factor. Dont just listen to the person talking to you says. You can glean more from the body language, etc., from those around you but not talking to you to get a feel of the social atmosphere.
As someone who’s held a leadership position in almost every job I’ve had, I related to this so much. Also, I’ve been the “therapist” friend in my friend groups. People trust talking to me about sensitive and personal things, and appreciate my input when it’s asked for. I really enjoyed this one! 🩵
That's wonderful! It sounds like you're able to assess and navigate through social situations very well. Do you have any tips for anyone who may want to improve their social skills?
This whole time I thought that having social skills were just being able to talk to people and understand emotions but wow that’s a lot of things to process TvT Sometimes I wonder whether I have high or low social skills because I’m able to talk with my friends a lot but they just say “Shut your goofy ahh ass up”. I don’t get it, what am I doing wrong. I’ve tried being nice, caring, compassionate, sympathetic. I’ve tried sharing my things, apologizing for being annoying. I have a whole guide from google on how to make friends. The same thing always happens In Every single school I go to. The only time I get acknowledged is when my friends are feeling down and they need someone to vent to because they know I would actually comfort them, as the others would most likely just say “hahaha, L, I’ve been through worse”
Psych2go pls make a video about a friend that don't like ugly girl,who smile eventually I wanna be her friend,but my best friend didn't let me. I was her first friend
I think everything fits me except people like talking to me?😅 because I’m a bit quiet and probably look intimidating .. not a lot of people talk to me. But it’s ok I also don’t like to talk a lot
@@Psych2go I know, I'm always trying to pick up subtle signs in people's words and body language to understand the things they feel but don't say. I always try to come up with ways to say things a certain way so as to avoid things that make a person tick. Also, trying to reflect the needs of a person by being who they want me to be are all things that I do on a daily basis to avoid unnecessary conflict. I can relate to these sings of socially intelligent people bt the reason behind me doing most of these things is the fact that I'm very non-confrontational, people-pleasing and empathetic.
I have no social intelligence. My brain does NOT process small talk. Ask me how I am, I'll think about it for 3 mins then give an honest answer. I can't do small talk. It's my blind spot. I don't waste time, I'm direct and to the point. I'm not rude, I'm very attentive to how other people feel around me. I just don't do small talk.
Hm, seems like I’m probably not socially intelligent. I really have a hard time listening, handling my emotions, and knowing when someone has a need that isn’t met. I’ve been trying to improve but I haven’t seen much progress in about 2 years
There is this girl in my clas she stares at me in some classes but I think it as friends as she claims me as here best friend. I still dout it as my firends saw too. They are saying me they asked her t or d who would you date in the class they said she said my name so.
Hmm, I consider my self a preatty good knowlegeble person, because I know many general things and facts, such as mithology, history, scientific facts, SF, geography, and many not really usefull thing what can help me at all😅
