@@jadeh2699 let’s see , we have animals that I will NEVER get rid of period ! , I have to make enough money to move again and it very costly and be able to afford to live on my own again like I always have , my condo in another state and has tenants in it , other wise I’d get up and go a lot easier but the HOA doesn’t allow big dogs , so I just ignore his dumb ass and enjoy my animals who I love and my beautiful ranch , as soon as I can buy my own place again that I can have all my animals in , I will move , i have a commission job and it happens to be in finance and biz is slow I’m not risking my animals welfare for a dumb ass man !
Mel, I’m so happy you’re addressing this. So many times we are afraid to ‘rock the boat’ so we stay silent. But the risk is every time we bite our tongue when we are belittled or disrespected we loose our voice and give our power away.
I totally agree with what you are saying....The fact is, BTC is the future of crypto and the questions traders ask themselves now if this is right time to invest? before jumping into conclusion i think you should take a look at things first. for the past few days the price of BTC has been fluctuating which means the market is currently unstable and you cant tell if it is going bearish or bullish. while others still continue to trade without the fear of making lose, others are being patient. it all depends on the pattern with which you trade and also the source of your signals. i would say trading has been going smoothly for me, i started with 5 BTC and i have accumulated over 20 BTC in just three weeks, with the trading strategy given to me by expert trader
I agree about the fear of rocking the boat. Part of that is when I do stand up to disrespect I have had multiple people invalidate my position. So it makes me second guess myself and I don't know how to move forward. Mel's videos have been helpful in that she is helping me understand that I am not off base about what I see as disrespect. I love this lady!
Mel Robbins, the only person who puts out a video to help others and in the middle of it, admits that she needs to work on some of these qualities in herself. It’s heartwarming to hear that you are not just preaching amazing material, but also practicing what you preach. It truly is humbling
Calling these things out to a narcissist IS empowering. After many fruitless attempts over years to have healthy interactions calling it out Gave me the strength to walk out permanently.
What I also find very disrespectful: in a group, when I ask someone a question and that person is answering the question but is all the time he/she is looking at someone else instead of me. As if that other person asked him/her.😳
I have stopped spending time with certain people who have a nasty habit of playing with their phone when we're out to eat to catch up IRL. It makes me want to grab and toss it. I find it highly disrespectful. I'm also someone who tried for years to have a phone free meal with family, and it always lead to bickering. Just put the damn phone down for 20 minutes. How hard is that?
I check my phone often. I also play games ,read, text, and work while on the phone. I never do only one thing at a time. I am hyper. Nothing to do with the person I am listening to but just how I am. My true friends understand me.
It is still disrespectful to them because you're still subliminally sending the signal that your phone is more important than them and they won't be here forever, that email, text or game will be. It would be better to address why it is you can't not use it. Are you addicted to it? Is there something you're trying to distract yourself from? Are you consuming too much sugar so focusing on one thing seems impossible?
I used to have a friend who was perpetually late. We were friends for 2.5 years, but in the last year of our friendship, she changed towards me. She never apologized for her lateness or breaking plans completely without telling me, and when I said something to her, she scoffed at me and acted like I was in the wrong for expecting her to communicate about changes or delays in plans. She also became incredibly dismissive and was ALWAYS on her phone when we had plans. She shamed me and was condescending over the fact I'm a meat eater because she's vegan. When she ignored me and our plans to take a phone call from the latest guy she was pursuing and told me she "knows I couldn't understand that he's not just some guy" (I've been single for 9 years while healing immense trauma, she'd been talking to go less than 2 months and their conversations ended a week after this incident) and I should be understanding of her decision, it was the last straw. I told her I wouldn't be rescheduling and that our paths are no longer in alignment. She dismissed me more than she followed through with our plans. Acted like I was in the wrong for standing up for myself and bringing up her disrespect, lied to me, betrayed my confidence, and the last few months of our friendship seemed to only like me when I was helping her go somewhere or taking her family on adventures with mine. She was even rude to my son over petty issue while on his 12th birthday camping trip, which she paid nothing for. I don't want to sound like I expected anything in return other than basic kindness and consideration, just pointing out her callousness and the depths of disrespect she hit with me. She's a single unemployed(3 years now and has turned down multiple well paying jobs) mom of 2 younger kids, with no drivers license and refuses to take the easy steps to get it back, or to look for daycare for work. There are local programs that help fund and cover costs while people work towards change which I gave her the numbers to. I also offered to help for free or in exchange for help around the house or other trade she'd be comfortable with while she got situated since I work from home. She just seems to want to live solely off the kindness of others but not actually do anything to improve her circumstance. Her "friends" always seem to be those who will help her, and when they start to feel taken for granted or can't help as much, she moves on to the next person who feels bad for her. I saw it when we first became friends and ignored it, hoping I was wrong. I'm still healing from the betrayal due to my bad judgement, but I'm so glad I stood up for myself and removed a toxic person! If you made it this far, thanks for resin an letting me vent!
My all time favorite back handed comment "You have such a pretty face. You would be really pretty if you just lost weight." Literally heard that one my whole life at many different weights - high and low.
I used to be late all the time until my friend brought it to my attention that it is disrespectful to the person waiting for me. He helped me learn how to be more mindful about how long things take. Once I realized that I have to leave at a certain time to get someone and to be in my car or bike by a specific time. I haven’t been late in 9 years.
I had a similar situation where a friend called me out on my behavior. I don't have a 100% punctual rate but I am far improved over what I used to be. It's still something I work on.
My wife is the same way. So I just shut up and let her talk till she's done interrupting me, but part of that is because I don't feel like starting an argument over her being disrespectful. You right though and someone being excessively late can be very irritating. The phone thing is really bad. We've become disconnected.
Does she have ADHD? Your relationship might improve if you find out this is the case. Perhaps she will get tested if you have a candid, but respectful, conversation with her about how her behaviour affects you. Many people show marked improvement once they are diagnosed and treated. But you have to communicate with her. Otherwise she may not know how to move forward or make the necessary steps to change.
A friend of mine once told me “you are so nice and I love going out with you because it makes me look prettier and most guys focus on me” 😳 I swear to God, I’m not lying!
That is not a friend. I appreciate that it likely arises out of her own insecurities, but thinking about it, Would you ever dream of saying such an implied putdown to anyone?? Then why would you continue to want a friend on this level? Much respect to you meanwhile.🕊️
I totally agree with what you are saying....The fact is, BTC is the future of crypto and the questions traders ask themselves now if this is right time to invest? before jumping into conclusion i think you should take a look at things first. for the past few days the price of BTC has been fluctuating which means the market is currently unstable and you cant tell if it is going bearish or bullish. while others still continue to trade without the fear of making lose, others are being patient. it all depends on the pattern with which you trade and also the source of your signals. i would say trading has been going smoothly for me, i started with 5 BTC and i have accumulated over 20 BTC in just three weeks, with the trading strategy given to me by expert trader
I can really relate to all of these. We see our Daughter mainly on holiday’s and I’m so excited to see her that i jump in on her conversation because i want to relate to her but as you have pointed out in #1 I unknowingly was disrespectful, i am going to work on that. On #3 Whenever i’m talking My Husband does that alot with his phone,tv or computer but i just take it to mean i talk to much. Also when our Daughter and Son “Son in law” come over on Holidays and I’m talking our Son in law 99% of the time does picks up his phone or starts watching TV, but only when I talk no one else and he never makes eye contact with me. #4 Being condescending our Son in law is a hardworking smart young man but always determined in one way or another to put me down, or he will try to argue or pick a fight for no reason. #5 I don’t really have any issues with. #6 unfortunately our Daughter does the backhand compliment to me if we happen to be around some of their friends saying “Mom your hair looks pretty to bad the rain makes it so frizzy” or “Doesn’t Mom look great for her age” or “Mom you love the sun but look what it’s done to your face”. It’s weird i knew these things are always happening but I didn’t realize how much until you just pointed them out. I want to get along with everyone so I usually keep my mouth shut. As long as i get to see her that’s what matters to me. Thank you for sharing 👍🏻👍🏻 Stay safe healthy and happy 😃 ✝️🇺🇸
*To all dreamers out there, don't ever let the world's negativity disenchant you or your spirit. If your surround yourself with love and with right people, Anything is possible.* Cheering for you✨
If you have ADHD or haven't overcome the many permutations of childhood development trauma you're totally screwed with half of this list. :/ It would be great to hear patience emphasized and these cues adapted for neurodivergent people as well- since the above, respectively- are a neurological disorder and actual brain damage. A lot of people are just struggling against their own brains and feeling like their relationships are in jeopardy every time they can't get social contracts and etiquette right can cause huge amounts of anxiety.
I agree with you; in fact I am absolutely one of these people (ADHD, CPTSD). Patience and understanding is very important, however what's even more important is us recognizing our behavior and working to amend it, and learning how to deal with criticism so that it doesn't send us spiraling.
I actually have a question. Do people "make you feel" a certain way (in these cases disrespected), or am I "making myself feel" disrespected by taking it personally? By taking it the wrong way? I was told that people can't control how you react. Only you can control how you react...
I understand the heart of question you’re asking - because to a certain degree: yes, people can’t put you don’t unless you let them. But just to shift the perspective: sometimes, that question can only be answered retroactively. There are sometimes where people do/say certain things and we take it wrong, due to misunderstandings or insecurities. We can only answer that question for ourselves, if it’s possible to have an open and honest conversation where the other person (who we have an issue with) can give more insight on their intentions, and acknowledge that their actions may have been (understandably) taken the wrong way. But there are, of course, moments where someone acts in such an egregious way that it makes sense to think that they did so with the intention of “throwing poison” at you. So to speak.
Lateness: I had a dear friend finally call me out in the kindest way about frequently being late. She explained it's inconsiderate and disrespectful to others. Light bulb moment for me! Yes, I was mortified that I was (accurately) perceived that way and vowed to change. I'd say I'm about 90% reformed. I've had to teach myself how to preplan my time management so I can be punctual. My mom was the worst about tardiness, so I wasn't taught time management at home and became much like her.
re: Cell Phones At The Gym = 1. Those who SIT on machines fiddling with cell phones, while other's want to USE the machine!! 2. How about LEAVING the phone in the locker, while exercising!! 3. When (highly respected) Steve Jobs announced late 90's "We Are Going To Make Products That Will Change The World" ... most certainly DID !!
Thank you, Mel for sharing these unconscious behaviour that we took on from adults around us who did this to us and we’re not even aware we’re doing it in our adult lives. I’m aware now and being conscious is better than continuing the old patterns that is affecting us now. Freedom to respect myself is the first step. The rest will follow. ❤️🦋
OK. On the flipside....I wasn't raised in the computer world. But I was asking my son questions, and he got tired of it and told me I could look that information up as well as he could. He was right. I just grew up in a world where we waited until 6 pm for weather forecasts, but/and my son had his phone (or some apparatus) in his hand eternallt it seemed.
I came from a large family, so talking over someone was "normal" to us. Only as an adult did I even realize it should not be done. Guilty as charged. I did stop years ago, though. Thanks for this.
Love these, love the calling out you're doing of yourself!! That's such a teaching example! A lot of these are signs of ADHD and you just can't help naturally doing these things, and more! So, it just takes a little extra effort, practice, and maybe even a little medication and we can *almost* get these all down! 😀😊
ADHD is a myth. It’s a diet issue. Lay off the sugary sodas, carbs and processed foods. Drink more water, get more exercise and make sure you’re getting 8 hours of sleep each and every night; and your “ADHD” will be cured. Oh, and lay off the alcohol.
I love this video and feel very grateful for the breakdown and examples. It’s validating and also helpful to keep in mind. There is only one that I disagree with: Perpetual Lateness. The only example in this one is with regard to being busy. I absolutely think that if this is the only reason someone is always late, then they are being disrespectful by not managing their time better. But there are people with executive function disorders, like adult ADHD, or anxiety disorders, like OCD, who also struggle with perpetual lateness. Their lateness (often) has nothing to do with disrespect. In the case of adult ADHD, it has to do with an inability to plan and structure time in order to succeed at being on time. Some may say, “Well, if a person knows they have this problem then they should leave earlier.” This may work for some with milder forms of ADHD, but there are plenty of people with moderate to severe ADHD who can’t even implement the tools they need to help themselves. Never assume someone’s chronic lateness is just a simple lack of respect. Consider the whole person before you choose to stop hanging out with them. ADHD is still so widely dismissed and misunderstood, and many people with ADHD consequently feel chronically lonely, depressed, and anxious.
I'm sure my ex husband's apparent ADHD contributed to his chronic lateness, but I did find it amusing that he'd be full of indignation when he had to wait on someone else.
You are just making excuses. You actually think the person who is waiting on you isn't - busy - as well? My guess is bottom line - you think - you - are more important than they are. I assume she is referring to people who are normal not somebody suffering from some mental problem - minor or not.
ADHD doesn’t help but it’s not an excuse to avoid improving time management. She said many times people may not have the intention to disrespect (that’s the case with ADHD).
@@WhiteLotusFlower1 I’m having a hard time finding where I was unclear about this in my comment or how I implied people with ADHD should use their disorder as an excuse to avoid improving themselves. There is a big difference between someone using a condition as an excuse to be lazy and someone describing their condition to facilitate understanding and empathy. I specifically state that severity matters. When ADHD is severe, it can be impossible to perform certain tasks that seem easy to others. I have found some of the people most critical of those with ADHD are those lower on the ADHD spectrum. They have this “if I can do it, so can you” attitude, because they don’t understand how debilitating it can be. I would argue that most people with ADHD-especially severe ADHD-want to improve their lives and learn tools to help them manage in society, but they still sometimes fail. The consequent depression and anxiety from external criticism and repeated failures further impairs them. Try to reread my original comment through the lens of someone who struggles more than you do. Mel Robbins means well, but she is not always right. “Calling out” a person with severe ADHD does not work, because they are called out all the time. It perpetuates the shame cycle and makes it even harder for them to change. Instead of calling them out, it is better to ask them how you can help them improve. They often have answers that others don’t think of, and they can make things easier for both parties.
Maybe I misunderstood you, but I feel it’s disrespectful to bag out on your friends at last minute just because you don’t feel up to going out. Unless there’s an emergency I’m going to follow through on my commitment regardless of how I feel because my moods change often but once I am out there I’m glad I went - not to mention I reinforce my image as someone who is dependable. If I got one too many texts flaking out just because they’re not in the mood I would really hesitate to invite that person out again.
Hey Mel, if you cancel on your plans, better make no plans. Because cancelling others (repeatedly) could be another form of disrespect IMHO. Thanks for this video
Sadly, quite a few times of calling something out has resulted in them turning it back on me and starting an argument and a couple of times being cursed at. That's why I'm afraid to call people out.
Make sure you’re not emotionally charged and can call them out while still being respectful. Don’t take the advice of cursing back and further escalating the situation. Calmly explain the behaviour, if they react poorly you know who to move on from.
Dont escalate, take it as a sign to let that person out of your life. Or if its something like a family member or coworker use it as a sign to not give them any extra energy or attention.
I know I'm guilty of talking over people at times and I can usually sense the suppressed annoyance that it causes but in my defence I would say that mostly it's due to a well-founded fear of losing my train of thought or totally forgetting what it was I was going to say rather than insensitivity or rudeness.
I get so angry when I am interrupted, I can’t call it out in the moment. I usually wait for them to finish their sentence and then pointedly say, “May I finish speaking now?” Is this incredibly unprofessional? Or detrimental in some way? I find it extremely effective. Thank You 🙏
I was there also getting so angry that I actually would let it slide (this was the same person ~ a male colleague). Then I started to do as Mel said, kept talking or spoke louder, this in a group meeting. I felt bad but it was either me putting myself down or maybe slightly embarrassing him in front of others. Another tricks are .. “ok let ne finish pls”, “wait hold your thought”, “hear me out”, I swear over time this has diminished with this person (I was about ready to tell him that I don’t need his mansplaining lol)
This helps me self-reflect in being better about completing projects by the deadline; if there are issues causing delay, I generally let the client know. But overall I could do better, as it helps me as well as the client, and integrity is an important quality.
Ugh my family drives me nuts with their lack of consideration with not inviting to family events with anticipation. I’m the only one who lives far away and I really like spending time with them but honestly they don’t respect that I can’t be making it when they let you know last freaking minute. So part of me is just like meh. I’m not going anymore unless they give a 1 week notice.
Thank you for sharing this, Mel, and appreciate your willingness to be vulnerable! Can relate to all the seven; I personally have the tendency to talk over others and am working on myself for the same by being more mindful.
Mel, you have absolutely nailed me and my life story ! As I write this, I am guilty of all the above. I don't mean to be disrespectful. Need to be mindful of others..and myself. Could these behaviors be related to ADHD? Mel, you're so real. Thanks for sharing.
Here’s my example of a backhanded compliment. My husband & I used to be quite a nice looking couple until *I* gained about 40 lbs. Last yr I brought him to a work Christmas party. One co-worker had never met him before, and days later she stopped me at work with an astonished look on her face and said, “Wow, your husband is such a cutie!” It happened again when an woman from his work met ME for the first time. She put her hand on my arm and said, “You are such a lucky woman! Your husband is so handsome!” -Because if i were equally gorgeous, I feel like he/I would’ve simply met their expectations, and nothing would’ve been said. Because beautiful couples already know they’re beautiful, right?🤨🤷🏼♀️
This was an extremely useful list. Some things are more subtle than others period And I exceptionally value how you are so transparent about your own realities using yourself as an example. Not a perfection how far you come but what's your working on and what you've done in the past. Most people do not go there unless it somehow paints them in a good way in the end. Your Humanity is what draws me to you and the information you provide
I totally agree with what you are saying....The fact is, BTC is the future of crypto and the questions traders ask themselves now if this is right time to invest? before jumping into conclusion i think you should take a look at things first. for the past few days the price of BTC has been fluctuating which means the market is currently unstable and you cant tell if it is going bearish or bullish. while others still continue to trade without the fear of making lose, others are being patient. it all depends on the pattern with which you trade and also the source of your signals. i would say trading has been going smoothly for me, i started with 5 BTC and i have accumulated over 20 BTC in just three weeks, with the trading strategy given to me by expert trader
What do you do when you call your spouse out, and s/he says, "Well, you do it too?" You have 1 1/2 hrs of therapy a week, and s/he does nothing. We have gone to marriage counseling. I stopped it because it felt like more individual therapy for me.
Sadly, I decided to leave him because he was not changing anything during our 3rd wave if counseling. Isn’t it funny how he had a girlfriend (a mutual friend) 6 months later (well officially told me 6 mths later). Seriously, this is a hard one for you especially if you have kids but ask yourself “does he really love me”? Good luck
I do disagree with one point and that is the pressure. It's one thing to change your mind with a group of friends, another to bail on a friend that arranged their schedule or changed other plans around the event, or invested money, and you decide at the last minute you don't "feel" like it. I had that happen enough times that I don't make plans with just one other person anymore.
I cop to some of these my self😔. my ex would do all of these to me and if I tried to call him on ithe would rip into me, not matter how nicely I tried to say it. I don't like labelling people , but narcissistic tendencies were strong with him😕
This made me realize I really really need to change but so does my hubby. We're dismissive and rude to each other in so many ways. I didn't realize I was such a pain in the rear. Also, I didn't grasp how disrespectful my children, friends, and even strangers are to me at times. I think we tend to treat others as we have been treated as a defensive tactic. I will work harder to be more mindful of respecting others, especially hubby.
I get fired up when someone is talking over me. 😡 😡. Even if I tell them to stop this individual still does 😠 😡!! Texting on the phone too. Feel like I’m not present.
What do you do when you ask someone not to talk over you but they keep doing it? My mum does that a lot and I’ve had to say this to her for years “let me finish what I’m talking about”, “don’t interrupt me” etc. but she doesn’t seem to get it. I know she just gets excited probably
I've been doing this all my life and like you said people just put up with that cuz I get so excited and they already know they know me for a long time so they just roll with it like they just kind of learn to go with it but my son is 17 now he's doing it to me and I get so pissed off at him but then it's like oh my God I do it too and when I do it to him I'm like oh my God you never let me talk blah blah blah and I just realized Jesus Christ I do this to him and that's it we're both doing it to each other and they look like crazy people sometimes we're working on it though your tips are really helping my team by the way and help me to open my eyes that I didn't realize he was feeling this way and it's helping us to happen you catastrophic thinking I would appreciate it really do love you are the best and you said the f word makes me happy I'm not the only one...lol
oh God this is my house... I call it out and then they get pissed off at me and I keep calling it out and I keep reminding them and I keep calling and how they keep doing it so I just leave when I have to do something I just leave which I shouldn't have to but how do you get these knuckleheads to understand that I need my personal space from when I'm doing something they need to be respectful like I am hooked up for like they're always acting like I'm a crazy one because I stand up for myself I called out everybody but it always turns out that I'm the one that's exaggerating the Lord mom I'm tired of that I understand go crazy on your own people you never going to change how do you get through to these people what do I do what can I do to secure my space and
Exactly I went to dinner with someone and that person was on their phone and I was in the middle of a conversation. I thought to myself I could have stayed home. Or when I'm at work trying to explain something to someone, they don't look up at me. A lot of them do know that they are being disrespectful, and they continue to do it.
Interruptions are hard to call out because those who interrupt typically tend to blame everyone else of interrupting them. The only solution that I think works with such people is either stop talking to them OR talk only with a sand timer, that gives exactly a minute to speak (as the sand falls down) and then we agree to speak strictly within these time frames. This way everyone gets equal timing to articulate their points, and everyone speaks turn by turn with no opportunity to blame the other of interrupting. As for someone coming late to me, it's much easier to solve. I don't call out on anyone for lateness. Instead, I let them know ahead of time for how long I'd be waiting. If we agree to meet at 3pm. I inform the person that I will wait for them from 3pm to 3:20pm, after which time I will leave. So, if they come later than '20 minute late' and I'm not there, it's their problem - not mine. And if they don't like the fact that I'm not there -they'll have to call THEMSELVES out on their own lateness. .
This has nothing to do with the video.. but the thumb nail caught my attention Mel you look beautiful! 😍 and in general you give such great value.. thank you for sharing all your knowledge and gifts🙌🏾🙏🏾
1. Being ▪︎ interrupted. 2. People who are ▪︎ always late. 3. Someone is ▪︎ dismissive of you. Indifferent to your feelings. ▪︎ Disregards you. Not giving you full attention; looking at phone, texting while you speak. 4. ▪︎ Condescension. Talking down to you. Tone. 5. ▪︎ Pressure to change your decision or boundaries. 6. ▪︎ Backhanded compliment. Put downs. 7. ▪︎ Lack of consideration.
Had a friend who would contradict everything I said. If I said the wall was green, they would correct me - it is greeny blue. Etc. Couldn't stand it any longer. Did tell her but she contradicted me.
Thank you! I needed a way to figure out "why" I'm upset with my bestie. She's struggling but I was having a hard time balancing how to be respectful but still be firm about why I'm frustrated. Even chatted with my husband about it and was like, I want us to do better with this because we were taught wrong in our toxic family dynamics that this was normal behavior to be disrespectful. But I want us both to feel respected. Your point really helped bridge his and my way of communicating.
In my many years of working I found it was the WOMEN who interrupted and never listened. I have a neighbor who interrupts constantly, which is the reason I stopped going over there. It was EXHAUSTING to have a convo with her.
I had to pause, to say…I had to laugh that your #1 is one of my biggest pet peeves, and one of my husband’s biggest issues. His whole family does it! Drives me insane! I put up with it for quite awhile, before one day I just asked him…”do you think what you have to say is more important than what I may have to say?” Although he still does it, he also catches himself more now, than he ever used to, too. It’s a work still in progress. Lol!
For decades my family don't talk to me with any respect. I notice it started when I was about 12 about when I started my first period everything in my life changed and I didn't feel good. I had endometriosis and didn't know it and also eating food was a problem. I've learned that I have been gluten intolerance and family would either yelling me or making fun of me for having a problem with my gut making noises and I'm embarrassed so it doesn't help when my older sister would not understand at all how I was feeling. To top it off grew up having a lot of difficulty in school and always had to have help understand this. I'm very A.D.D. and other disabilities and finding out other things that I didn't know about myself and I have tried to go to college only to fail. Just a month ago I came down with covid and streptococcus for the first time and then our Mother that I take care of 24 /7 she 88 years old cane down with covid too. I hot me super hard but with her it affected her legs and her brain like she had the polio virus again, yes it stays in you. I was trying my best to take care of her and keep her safe and keep her in her bed but she kept trying to get up to go to the bathroom and I had to call EMS and they got extremely angry with me and my older was yelling at and telling me I do need to do that and I needed to just take care of her by myself. She told me to shut up when I had tried for an entire day to get her prescription and C>$ pharmacy guy kept deleting my moms doctor's fax over and over. I was told that I had to go get her prescription at the pharmacy and take it to the hospital because the hospital pharmacy nor any other pharmacy besides Walgreens and C>$ were the only pharmacy that could fill the Paxlovid. I could have lost my mother because of what that pharmacy did making us wait to get her medication till the next day. I was yelled at by my older sister she said i didn't need to go get the prescription but to get off my phone. I was trying to talk to the pharmacy and to her doctor/ assistant over and over and no one was listening to me. But yelling at me to shut up and get off my phone because she thought I was playing games. Why would I be playing games. I only had the words games about 10 years ago and I took that off because I was running down my battery on my phone. I don't ever go out nor do I ever have a break. I gave a piece of my mind to my older sister oldest son the other day and he was doing exactly what you said about being dismissive about something that has continuously happen throughout the years. And he dismissed what I said and I turned it around and said there you go being disrespectful again turned everything on me and you all can't handle the fact that I'm standing up for myself and I will not let you all be abusive to me anymore. You will have respect for me and won't talk down to me anymore. His head went down and I called him out in a number of really bad things that he could get in trouble from and lol his response to what I said was his son was a good kid because he was a Straight A student. I looked at him and said that doesn't make anyone a good person being a straight A student. Some just killed 4 college students back in November and he had good grades too. He not a good person. My family has pushed me and talked down to me thinking that I did drugs and drank but I have never been able to drink alcohol or even do prescription drugs . It's very hard on me. For years I have worked very hard but only able to do CNA work and I have been criticize I'm not going to college but I have tried so many times I couldn't pass the entrance exam. I have cried over this and wanted to do better. I feel like I have no one to help me. I look like everyone else but ive struggle with everything. I don't want to be struggling at work or in school but its just how it is. When I call out my family they smooth out their lies to our mother and she doesn't know what to believe. My older sister was telling me to lie all while our mother was in the hospital and then she said she never said that. She has pushed me and yelled at me every time she's around me and makes sure our mother doesn't hear it. She threatens me in taking away my place to living. Where my mother has set up a place for me to live. I know that I can't go to my own mother's funeral when it comes time for her funeral. I actually spoi my mother to make sure she's very comfortable and I make her very healthy meals. She doesn't go without ever.
Under "disregard" when you bring up people being on their phones while you are talking, I think it's very important to mention people being on their phones while they are DRIVING with you in the car. Risking your life is the ultimate form of disrespect.
I feel bad that I would talk over my ex BF. He did it to me too, but that's not a good excuse. I would do it unconsciously when he would deflect, divert and gaslight when we were talking about an important issue. I know I should have addressed the "deflection tactics" separately. We should have had a green flag to hold for whoever had the platform. We did that in the car with music... even hours were his to choose the music and odd hours I chose the music.
In my experience people who talk over others do not change, even when confronted. I feel like they're just waiting impatiently for an introvert like me to stop talking so they can interject and impose their opinions, and cannot tolerate the discomfort of lending an empathic ear to allow me to complete my thoughts.
On the note of changing your mind about going out… this is fine once in awhile of course. But when someone does this perpetually it’s no different than someone being late. It’s disrespectful of your time because you blocked that time off for them, when you could have been doing something else.
My husband does talk over me or doesn't allow me to finish what I'm saying before he starts speaking. Drives me crazy. I used to just silently stop and walk away which caused me to fume & resent him. Now, I ask him to let me finish saying what I'm saying. This causes him to STOP in his tracks! One reason he doesn't remember my telling him something because he stops listening to what I'm saying when he starts talking over me...just saying. Exactly, not listening equals dismissiveness. Eyes roaming when you're sharing information equals not interested, what you're talking about is not important to them. Omg....total manipulation, " you need to go out", "need to eat", "you'll feel better" when you don't feel well. What it turns out is, they/ he wants to go out to eat bcuz he loves food/to eat. SIGH.......
I called the phone thing our with one of my daughter inlaw. She was playing video games in my living room where I was sitting there alone and wanted to visit.. I told her that I thought she was too old for that behavior. Nothing has been the same since. I still am glad I did. I never thought it was an addiction. Thanks for pointing that out.
I LOVE THIS!! Thank you.. I didn't realize I would be talking to my oldest son and interject my own stories.. He called me out!!! MOM I just need you to Listen.. Being late major Anxiety and my daughter still hasn't forgiven me.. That was 6 years ago.. To my 1 in particular friend when I said I'm sorry I can't be there.. my Anxiety is too much for me right now.. And getting a lecture for it didn't help..
Great video! Had a breakup recently and really understanding what went wrong. I do have a question is there such a thing not putting like enough pressure? Like becoming boring to comfortable.
Thank you for being so honest and straightforward...really appreciate the examples with the points you talk about. So often the similar videos I watch just give the points and leave you wondering exactly what they are talking or referring to. Thanks again. Blessings😊
# 6 - backhanded compliments This is so destructive! >>You are such an intelligent attractive woman and have so many great talents. What a pity that you are not successful.
Mel, how amazing to show an example so personal! Absolutely LOVE YOU! What do you do when you start setting these boundaries w your family and they alienate you for it. Everyone thinks you're being too sensitive or picky while just not wanting to accept bad behavior anymore.
Dismissiveness.... how about telling your partner about some heavy emotional struggles and their response is a long time of silence and then changing the subject to cats and going to 7-11.
Another good one to call out is someone who tries to make you feel guilty or implies that your way is wrong. Just say: "Are you trying to make me feel guilty "? Game over
I am so pleased to see this list. I know I do some of this especially the interrupting when I feel "into" the conversation. I do need to say that when when I am called out on it in a understanding and considerate manner I can easily stop please stop and djust my behavior. An example would be when when my my daughter let me know, " Mom, It's really difficult for me to talk to you when you interrupt me. Can you wait till I am finished?" I have to say that the examples you gave were often blaming and shaming sounding to me. I don't need to call somebody out. I need to take ownership of asking for what I need or stating what I need. I appreciated that my daughter did just that with me. Then I was able to explain that her pauses made me think she was done talking. So our communication improved.
It is so hard not to talk over certain types of people! It's very hard not to be excited or just to know ahead of time what they are gonna say.... I'm not trying to disrespect....
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Mel you just described Nottheast culture (and now Southeast as well). I can’t even go to the grocery store or WalMart in my local New England area without dealing with at least one of these from staff or other customers . Nevemind almost everyone I know, save a couple of elderly people and a couple of genuinely respectful store employees, I make it a point to go to their stores, and NOT to the other ones if I can help it. Often I use the self cashier just to avoid the blatant rudeness. Addressing it has gotten me either bullied or rejected with 99%, including family and “friends”, ex partners, etc. It was bad already when I was a kid in school (I’m your age). You should have seen what I’ve dealt with in Healthcare. The stuff of nightmares. I make myself laugh though by thinking of the movie The Heat. Really wish I had stayed gone when I moved out of here the first time. You have to have genuine close allies in your life here to be able to function or have any success. Otherwise you’re just chewed up and spit out. I’m really, really sick of being an ally/support here to people who turn out not to be allies to me, which seems to be the norm here as well. My family is from elsewhere originally, so the difference really stands out to me.
As grandparents we prepare large feasts on different occasions and our sons and their wives generally late. We were never late to our parents home. The olden and goldern days.
