The dead naming thing pissed me off. There’s a trans guy at Spinx and i found out his deadname because it was on the schedule sheet by accident. I forced myself to forget it. I have no idea what it is anymore and i don’t want to know. I get the curiosity, but it’s just disgusting that they’d fight to try and get you to tell them your deadname
Yeah, this is a big friendship red flag too if they aren't 100% accepting of who you are, what you like, etc., but they want to "fix" you to be more like them or criticize you for your taste in movies or whatever, especially if they bring your gender into it and start scrutinizing whether you are feminine enough because you have too much of a Wednesday Addams aesthetic or Hibari-kun aesthetic instead of the high-femme Kim Petras aesthetic they were expecting, or vice versa, or because you like soccer or the band you like screams too much or doesn't scream enough, or whatever it might be. They need to go find the person they are looking for instead of trying to make you turn into that person.
@otnath suppose you were a victim of sexual assault resulting in pregnancy. Most of the time, it's just a story. But every once in a while,someone asks about how the baby came to be, you must love your partner, where are they, etc. Without meaning to, the person has brought up a painful time in your life and has made things a little less enjoyable. Now imagine, I'm trying to transition into my new name, my new gender, etc. But every time I pay rent, I have to undo some progress and reinforce my old name and gender. If I have a friend with me who has only known me by my new name, and suddenly they see me make a payment with the old name, what are they supposed to think? Did I just out myself? Are they thinking identity theft? Should I avoid having friends with me? Notice how many questions I just posed. Consider how many would have to be answered in real time in a matter of milliseconds. Just don't pry. Please.
My boyfriend was anxious about telling his parents about us, but more out of worry about their reaction. He had already told his sisters and one of his cousins and they offered to support him in telling his parents. In the end they already knew by the time they met me, without him telling them and they were just really happy for us.
Its a similar situation with me, he's told everyone else in his family and all his friends but his mum is 90 and he's worried that she wont take it well so they still don't know (At least he hasn't told them I assume they have an idea). I've been understanding with that as I know he really wants to tell them but his sisters actually advised him not to so he didn't.
I'm so lucky, I found my boyfriend so soon after ending a LTR, we are in a very happy relationship for over 2.5 years. I must admit, at the beginning, I was checking to see if he was happy to be seen outside with me and that he would tell his family and friends, which he was so proud to do. I couldn't have stayed with him if not. I have dated men before, who you could describe as chasers, because I was desperate for intimacy, but I knew it wouldn't be a proper relationship, Iike I really wanted. Dating for trans women can be so difficult. Its so important to look out for these red flags. Thank you for another great video and for being so gorgeous and lovely Malibu ❤️
I really don’t think I would date a man unless I’m in public and have a double date. Admittedly I’m gender fluid but a lot more femme leaning, either way I definitely have a fear of some strange guy who may want to do harm.
@@MalibuBarbiieDelish Sounds like it! Icky is very negative about them in her video. (I will just shut up now because I don't know anything about the subject other than what Icky said, and I don't want to offend anyone. Except maybe chasers. :-)
The "married men" point I think has a lot of overlap with both "keeping you a secret" and "only about sex" Men who are tempted to cheat and who have the character to go through with it are probably going to lean towards more taboo activities like having sex with a trans woman - after all if you're already doing something wrong, then why not just pull out all the stops?
Treating people different in public because you want to maintain your social standing is fascism, plain and simple. You're telling the world you care more about your position in a hierarchy than you do the very people who matter to you.
Reject them, sooner, rather than later, they are using you 100%. People like those only see you as an object for sexual gratification. I'm not trying to upset you by any means, but it's the truth. Try and meet someone who will take you out and stuff, and be proud to be by your side. Take care , and remember... The Good Will Out 🙏
Most of these points are not transgender-specific, but are typical of phases of relationship initiation in which the people involved do not yet know whether they want to be in a relationship with each other or not. The problem lies in the priority of perceiving another person as a sexual partner rather than a relationship partner. This may work in the experimental phase, but once a certain level of maturity is reached, sex is no longer enough. But if you have never practiced thinking in terms of relationships rather than sexual partners, the transition is difficult. Of course, this situation is made even more difficult by the usual prejudices that trans people face. But it is not easy for anyone.
@@sheole5165 The first 3 for sure could be applied to anyone, I think they are particularly relevant for trans people even if they aren't exclusive to them though. The last 4 are more transgender specific but you're right dating is rough for everyone 😭
@@Briannadawn20 I've never been with a woman so I don't know if there might be different issues there, but certainly if they did any of these things it would also be a red flag.
Biphobic sapphic cis women always turn out to be transphobic, so looking out for biphobic behaviours or beliefs is something good to look out for. Something to look for too is how they use pronouns, before my last relationship before my current one ended I noticed that my partner was misgendering trans people intentionally because they got into a fight, I didn't notice that before but that was my sign to get out. and of course she proceeded to misgender me because she didn't like me anymore.
@@LilFeralGangrel thanks for the advice, currently married but I’m sure for only couple more months. Wife does not support my transgender thoughts or beliefs, so trying to figure out what I need to know once I’m single, currently living a double life,
Not really looking to date men, but I'm open to trying things with them as a trans woman in an open relationship. I've only been with lesbians or nonbinary people. It's just hard to find dudes who don't fumble and act majorly weird in some way. I find a big red flag that I've experienced around guys is when they hypersexualize me and automatically assume I'm some freak in bed, or get like extremely horny just being in my presence and thinking of the possibility of having sex. Like I may be looking for hookups and I'm pretty kinky as a person, but that's too much too fast and is a big turnoff, just lacking basic respect I guess. Like they're expecting me to drop down to my knees in the first 10 minutes of talking.
I'm curious about the term 'Dead Name,' in relation to the perspective of a trans persons parents. I imagine the term could be rather insensitive to them, even for parents who have fully supported their child throughout their journey. Stay safe everyone 🌹
You are a beautiful woman, malibu . You are definitely worth dating. Love you for who you are. I always have a soft for you. You are a lovable person. Your dead name is dead. It shouldn't ever matter
I will be honest with you I am not in a relationship with anyone at the moment and that I do support the LGBTQ community and I have the mind set of if I end up in a relationship with a trans girl I would be ok with that my mom is accepting of that my dad not so much I am sub to a trans girl on RU-vid she goes by Sarina havok she is a nice person that makes videos on RU-vid she is on a relationship with a girl and she loves my comments in the comments section I will definitely keep an eye out for red flags such as these
2:25 I mean, yeah, if you take all that comes with the term "regular straight man", then yes it's different, but so is good hygiene in that demographic and metrosexual was a terrible term, so 🤷♀ They're just straight with a preference they're ashamed of. Like, I'm sorry, but if a partner being "pre-op" impacts someone's sexual orientation in your eyes, you might just have some internalized transphobia lingering around still. It's a preference, sure, but they're still straight... (this isn't counting those guys who are gay and go after trans women as a half-measure out of fear/shame, like that's obviously a different sexuality there, yeah) But, like, I enjoyed the video, don't get me wrong, those are good tips. (also, I have no idea how to give people non-awkward compliments but your voice is really nice)
I think that can also just be a sign of inexperience. Guys who haven't had a lot of sex can definitely be very genital-focused, not realising how much the rest of the body factors into pleasure. (Not trying to contradict you at all, just trying to add my two cis cents worth.)
I only have experience as a pan cis man, but the guys I've been with did this with me as well, and I've had cis female partners complain their exes were this way with them so I think its just a general "guy" thing to not do proper foreplay. Feel free to stop them and ask for foreplay. If a partner isn't cool with seeing to your needs then they aren't worth your effort either
