My only regret is transitioning post-puberty, it's hard not to compare myself to pre-puberty transitioners that look & sound cis in so many more ways. It's really painful.
Its very very easy to fix. You can do it. And please don’t let that hold you back. It wastes time of your life that you will regret not acting sooner. I love you be safe and happy.
@@VladaDudak ive tried to end everything 7 times i feel you. They definitely should criminally punish the people abusing their children like this. Its awful. If your being held back and they think its funny to torture you, sue them. When I moved out I sued for a massive amount and won. Just sue and cut all contact. You will probably feel better too. But always make sure you have a girlfriend or boyfriend to accompany you or some close friends. Moving out alone is risky and especially hard for transgender people.
I have some advice for transwomen. - don't blow into cartridge games. This only "works" because moisture in your breath temporary aids conductivity, as soon as it evaporates, the effect is gone, and corrosion begins. The accumulation of corrosion on contacts is hard and can't be blown away. Instead, clean the contacts with 91% isopropyl alcohol on Q-tips. - pull-through sharpeners are garbage. Get a simple two-sided whetstone, and a ceramic hone. Focus on consistency over specific angle and technique. Finish with the hone. Make sure the hone doesn't *tap* or hit the blade or it can chip it. - 5e isn't nearly as simplified or streamlined as people tell you; in fact, every edition prior to the WotC takeover is much easier. 1981's B/X is the easiest edition for beginners, by far, and has been reissued in a generic copyright free form as "old school essentials" aka OSE. - the dangers of burning pine are overstated. Your chimney will require more frequent cleanings, but that's about it. Pine burns quick and hot, but that's ok.
@@Dude-pk7fk honey heist is great for transwomen because they love crime, great for cishet men because they love hats, and great for gay men because they love bears. I wouldn't recommend it for cis women though. For cishet women I'd suggest BitD or goblin with a fat ass.
One thing that puts passing in perspective for me is to remember that there's actually CIS people out there who don't pass 100 % of the time.. I have more than a couple cis female friends who regularly get misgendered and called "sir" over the phone, for instance. Or even in person.
@@thegreatguyinthesky a lot of people don't realize how large the "androgynous zone" is for voices. Women can have a naturally low voice and men can have a naturally high voice, and there's a lot of overlap between both ends and what is typical of the other gender. So sometimes even cis people get misgendered, (even in person) based on not having a stereotypical voice for their respective gender. The Glee cast is a good example. Listen to Chris Colfer's speaking voice, and Dianna Agron's(outside of the show or in later season 5/6) and that's a great example of this.
From ages 6-14 (note I'm a cis girl) EVERYONE thought I was a little boy. Led to some pretty traumatic moments tbh. So I can confirm yes not everyone passes
I "passed" for the first time last night. The check out girl's helper at the grocery store gave me a nice complement on my shirt, and my sparkly finger nails. I told her i bought the nail polish at the store right there, and we started talking about all kinds of neat way out cool things. That felt Really really good. :-)
All I’d say to my younger self is ‘come out sooner’. You were ready, and you feared their reaction. Deep in your heart, you know they’ll accept you for who you are and although they didn’t seem like they would, they will. Your parents love you unconditionally, no matter how you identity.
Terrifying for someone not out of the closet to most of their family yet lol but I already decided that I’ll come out before the end of this year and I definitely needed to hear this
honestly this is what i'm struggling with right now. I know its dumb and everything will be ok, but I guess i'm really just scared i won't be able to get the resources to transition and ig im just putting off being all the way out to my family cause then i can't blame my closetnedness on other people anymore ;-;
i knew i was trans when i was like 11 but i didn't come out because i thought i would be a freak if i did (the alt right pipeline made irreversible damage to me) the saddest part is that my mom was kind of atheist back then, i'm pretty sure she would be accepting after a few months and i could probably not even pass through one inch of male puberty, like WTF. that boogles my mind then i came out at 14, made a lot of fights with my family and now at 16 and i'm almost getting HRT :Dd but i still fear it won't be enough, i'm scared, i don't know what to do if i don't pass
I'm not trans and don't care one way or another how other people live their lives, but what I am is someone who respects others, has empathy for other and truly care to understand. A while back I stumbled across your frank and honest discussions and have enjoyed coming back every video to listen and understand. You're doing a great job and being a great advocate for all people, not just the audience you think you are targeting. You are obviously very intelligent, have a great personality and talk like your audience is your friend, which is another reason I keep coming back.
we need more people like this. even if you're simply an ally you can at least treat us with basic human decency, we're people too, and we've existed for hundreds of years
Dysphoria is so wild, when you said your chin makes you insecure I’m over here like girl your face shape is gorgeous. I could never see a man looking at you even if I tried. Your channel is helping me able to look past “him” in myself and see the true woman in myself
I'm a cis woman but this was sooo necesarry and helpful for allies ! I'm ashamed to be part of a society that just ignores how beautiful and brave you guys are as trans people. But once you'll have found people that are loving and admire how amazing you are, it will make all the difference - so keep looking for them and don't waste your time with a group that doesn't make u feel 100% seen ! Lots of love
I'm very new to realizing I'm trans and pre-everything at the moment. This video means a lot, and I really appreciate you being my big sister and giving some very sound advice for the 12 minutes of this video. I will be sure to keep all this in mind as I embark on my transitioning journey. Thank you so much for making this, you're clearly a very compassionate and intelligent person. Wish you the best
@@bosshub777If you're actually concerned for me, don't be. I'm 8 months on hormones and my life has completely turned around for the better. I've gone from being a depressed husk of a person with no future to an incredibly happy woman who knows what she wants in life and isn't afraid to reach for it. Maybe examine why it matters to you that someone else is doing what they please with their life?
What I would say to my younger self is: "Girl; you don't have to have genital dysphoria to be trans! You are not a crossdresser, you are a genuine woman trapped in a man's body! Those phobes are gatekeeping you from true happiness! Don't let Imposter Syndrome get you, just wanting to be a woman is enough to be trans!"
Needed to hear this I haven’t started hormone blockers yet since my country doesn’t allow till 16. I feel like a women and wish for a female body and I try my best to help myself feel comfortable
the first time i "passed" was in early 2022, for perspective i'm a 15 year old trans girl. I vividly remember i was standing outside the woman's bathroom waiting for my mom to finish using the bathroom an older woman called me by my pronouns which are she/her and asked me if i was in line to use it i shook my head and was genuinely shocked she saw me as a girl. this felt unreal to me and after this it just kept occurring and now it doesn't phase me. i'm 100000000% sure she has never thought about me after this and is unaware of the impact she had on my life. if it was you and your reading this right now thank you so so so so so much.
3:10 As a cishet dude who is here to learn, you are kinda Google right now but I do take your meaning. I'm here to learn and avoid such situations irl. Thanks for the chance to enculturate myself to a different perspective. Best wishes to everyone here. SOLIDARITY 🏳️⚧ and LOVE 🏳️🌈!
Listen I don't know if you're going to see this since the video is 2 years old but it just popped up on my feed and I watched it. You touched on so many things that I've been feeling. Your video made me cry. I'm 43 years old and I've just come out. I haven't even started really wearing anything feminine outside the house. I have hated myself over and over and over. I just hated being trans. I've been scared to say anything to anybody. I'm terrified of losing everything. However I have never been the person to just let my fears take over. Your video gave me strength. F everybody who stands in my way. I'm a woman and I matter. It doesn't matter what I was born with I'm a woman and I matter. Thank you so much
I understand how you feel. I came out only three years ago and I'm currently 41. I've come out to a few people and was worried about coming out to everyone. After a lot of thinking I realised that it's a good thing if I find out some family and friends are transphobic. Whether I was trans or not, I would still cut them out of my life. As for going out presenting in a way that you're comfortable with: you'd be surprised. I was. I've had panic attacks in public only to then have some of the most welcoming experiences right after. I've had people ask me without prompting for my preferred name/pronouns. My first trip out presenting as a woman was to the hardware store. Big blokes everywhere. No one cared. Make sure before you go out that someone you trust knows about your situation. Also, remember that keyboard warriors are typically cowards in real life. I live in Sydney, Australia. I've yet to have someone say anything negative to my face. Plenty online. If you ever want to talk or ask anything, I would be more than happy to.
I am 19 (almost 20) and I realized like 3 or 4 months ago that I am transfem. I understand you very well. Most of my family are christians and homophobic (they call transgender people "things"), so I obviously don't want to come out to them. I also am very introverted and don't really have friends. I just feel like I can't tell anyone and I can't really do anything... I don't think I can come out as trans to them ("coming out as atheist" (basically just telling them that the stuff they believe is stupid) was hard enough...) I just hate it! I don't really know what to do.
Hello! Transfemme Nonbinary here. I've been transitioning for about 4 years now and I wanted to add something. Now this might be controversial and many may disagree but I feel it's important to say regardless: Do the work to untangle internalized misogyny from your own gender dysphoria. What I mean by this that when transitioning I think it's important to really do a lot of internal work and unlearn some of the toxic shit you learned simply by virtue of being raised in a toxic, patriarchal society. And for Transfemmes this means coming to terms with the misogynistic ideas that you may have picked up from being raised AMAB. Now this is obviously good to do in general for anyone, Cis or Trans, but I feel it's especially important for Transfemmes because that internalized misogyny is likely going to influence your view of yourself and the dysphoria you feel. Too often I see amazing, beautiful Transfemmes thinking they need to get every surgery under the sun because their "Shoulders are too boyish" or that their "Nose is too big and not femme enough". Which, like, is oftentimes just patriarchal beauty standards that they haven't excised from their thoughts. I would know; I thought the same things when I started transitioning. But at the end of the day women come in all shapes and sizes. Some have broad shoulders, some have strong brows, other's might have powerful jaws. And that variety is beautiful. Now this isn't to say no Transfemmes should ever get surgeries. But what I am saying is that you should be sure it's because of something _you_ truly are dysphoric about and not merely something you've been taught by a toxic, male dominant, patriarchal society to think "Isn't womanly enough".
I'm nonbinary amab. I started out saying i was a genderfluid man in early 20s, but i kinda dropped genderfluid & man bc it was just easier to say nonbinary & man stopped feeling right. I'm not interested in any surgical changes, and i keep my body & facial hair uncut for vague spiritual reasons. But i also love to wear dresses & skirts & occasionally paint my nails. I haven't had much luck with lady blouses. They almost never fit right. I really liked covid for one thing: I'd wear a bandana over my surgical mask & beard and would pass as a woman. I really liked that. I wish i could keep my beard & pass, but just can't. I wish more people were familiarized with they/them pronouns and Mx instead of Mr. I have a lot of wonderful friends and even my family with binary gender perspectives are supportive of my choices (though, I'm not exactly out to them as they/them or nonbinary). I've been treated well in my community too, and women really pump me up when i go out in a dress. It's really nice. Idunno. Just wanted to share, i guess. I haven't spent a lot of time in nonbinary online spaces.
I may not be trans but I've always been a bit different from the human herd. I have mad respect for wanting to be you and be your real self, and I know how great that feels, and I also know what it feels like to be insulted and to feel held back by how other people treat you. Don't give in and don't give up!
as a non trans person, with a lot of curiosity. Why can't people have the decency to just simply ask "sorry, i am rather curious. what are you comfortable talking about?" ask where the line is. don't cross it, and then say you didn't realize..
@@an0bserver2000 And that is the people i have a hard time understanding. If you are not romantically or sexualy involved with the person. It doesn't matter. Not your problem. They are a person. Maybe they are nice, maybe not..
I started transitioning 1 month ago and I'm already randomly 'passing' thanks to 'good genetics'... And I don't know. I am very thankful, but I wish every post-puberty transitioner had as easier of a time as me. It feels so unfair. My heart goes to everyone who is struggling with their identity and their transition. Please stay strong. It does get better.
The most euphoric feeling I got was 2 weeks ago, when I was in full depressed mode had to get vaccinated, didn't put any effort in feminizing myself, just added some mascara and a choker, called it enough. I got gendered correctly almost all morning by everyone. And I'm pre anything medical. I have short hair. So Maybe I'm just lucky? IDK, it happened again last week , 0 effort, and random people gendered me correctly!
It's a shame that trans people need to ask to be treated with basic respect. That being said, trans people need to understand the fact that trans people represent a very small percentage of the population, and as such, are a curiosity to many CIS folks. Doesn't excuse rudeness, but some people have never met a trans person, or even heard of one, and the shock of meeting someone trans unexpectedly might overcome their normal basic social graces. We all deserve respect, but we also need to show compassion for each other.
We already understand that. It's a very difficult thing for a trans person not to understand when you're in an environment where complete ignorance is still the baseline understanding of trans people. Like, we definitely, definitely know lol. I think a good rule of thumb is that when you have a thought like "oh, but [x] marginalized group of people isn't understanding where I'm coming from as a person with [x] amount of social privilege over them," just assume that they already know. Whether that's with race, gender, religion, disability, anything of that kind of demographic nature. Because the most likely scenario is that the perspective of people who actually know next to nothing about them is the one that's gone on to shape their lived experience on both an institutional and interpersonal level the most. It's nothing personal, it's just the byproduct of a society that values the voices and contributions of some kinds of people over many others. It's fine to not know things, but as a trans person myself it gets very tiresome to have the same conversations and work through the same misunderstandings over and over again. The trans perspective and the cis perspective on how much trans people should be expected to disclose about themselves do not hold hold the same weight because, frankly, it's just doesn't take the same amount of energy to learn as it does to educate, and it doesn't take the same amount of time to recover from striking a nerve as it does to recover from getting one of your nerves struck. Hope this all made sense lol.
The compassion needed to understand that trans people are normal and not worthy of "shock" is in no way the same as the titanic compassion required to endure being treated like something abnormal and to respond with grace when someone forgets you're worthy of basic decency. It just doesn't compare, and to put those two together, presented like a 50:50 situation, minimizes and gaslights.
🤦 yeah. Look it's going to be frustrating. Just trust your DNA. Trans has been around way longer than surgical intervention. Trust it to be a needed evolutionarily advantage for societies as a whole. Don't be surprised when teaching comes second nature to you. Trans have always been adept at bridging gaps of understanding. Many are extremely protective of children. Most have a natural charisma that often lands them in leadership roles. Believe I know how hard it is to have faith in yourself and it's scary to step up but society needs you. The human race needs you. Yes the cis did try to exterminate trans in the past. Look where it got them. They got along so well without you that they aren't even reproducing at a sustainable rate anymore. Cis are still in a war of the sexes. Without you they have no clue how to get along. You're no accident. You're an epigenetics God send. I shit you not! 🎤Drop.
My best friend is a woman she has partial androgen insensitivity syndrome, she was born XY. She has grown up believing she is female her entire childhood ,only when she started puberty did she discover her plight, she needs to take estradiol for the rest of her life, and to answer the creepy people she is like a trans who had an orchiectomy at birth. She is a beautiful person I love her but she is for another, we are good friends , besties. So to those that think we are weird, explain why people are born presenting as female and AFAB and finding later they are XY genetically, my sister has an XY daughter and she's very pretty and 6'3. We are who we are, we are not side show freaks. Hugs to you Robin, be happy.
same way some people are born with half their brain missing or 4 legs or no eyes...its call anomaly and are VERY rare. Those people cannot reproduce. Genetic defects dont reproduce.
There are many cis female models in the mainstream media and on runaway have strong prominent jawlines. Talking about your chin, is Adele a trans woman too judging by her "masculine" chin? No, no one points that out since she a cis woman. Don't do anything to your chin and jawline. They are perfect like how most models rock them. Love ya girl ❤️
@@mrosskne That stat is because of people like you, not because we are mentally ill. I believe that you can be a better person than someone who actively encourages other human beings to off themselves.
So I'm not sure why this got recommended to me. Perhaps becouse I like to watch contrapoints. Anyway, I'm a basic 37 year old white dude and I would just like to tell you that I think you're great. You made a nice video and I think it's great that you're trying to support other people. I know there's a lot of mean people out there. Just remember there's also a lot of people out there who accept others for who they are. Everyone. And that's the right, human thing to do.
I advise drinking peppermint tea twice a day morning and at night it will help in collaboration with the blockers. And you can do online voice training.. obviously discuss this with your parents and your doctors. But I've researched that peppermint tea can help naturally reduce testosterone and personally in my experience if it wasn't for peppermint tea I would have not survived my puberty. I am now 25 on 1 year of hrt and still have a ways to go but at least my voice is feminine.
I would tell my younger self what trans is and that it exists. I knew i always wanted to be a girl but nobody ever told me that there was an option. I am now 23 and still pre-everything. Being on a waitlist for transcare.
Im a trans woman pre everything, still (mostly) in the closet and i turn 25 next week. Ive wanted to transition for almost a decade now, but when i came out to my parents, they simply brushed it off and kinda ignored it, and it broke me. I still love them and live w them, but Ive realized i cant count on them to help me with this, i need to be the one to help myself. And the few close friends/relatives I’ve told have been very supportive, so I know I’m not all alone. My big resolution this year is to start transitioning medically and socially (and to get a job, cause I just graduated, I want to move out, and surgeries cost money lol). You’re a gorgeous young woman, and I hope you (and everyone watching your video) have a lovely future. Best of luck to all of us ❤
I am trying to come out to my parents as a trans girl right now i have realized that I am trans and have known for about 3 months now and I want to thank you for expressing that your there for me thank you big sis
I'm trans girl too I realised like 3 yrs ago but I'm steel in closet because I'm scared of my parents kicking me out of house and I'm dying from dysphoria rn I wanna express myself freely but I can't 😢😢😢
I wasn't allowed to transition until I was an adult. I am 31 now and honestly I am truly happy with what changes I've had.. I feel like me, I feel real..
As an older Trans Woman I have learned that the only validation you will ever need is your own. It is your truth, your strength, your own respect of yourself and your own self awareness that will bring you joy. Every trans woman knows they were born just as much a woman as cis women. The biggest mistake a Trans Woman can make is trying to fit in. Never accept disrespect, never mistake your own insecurities as an excuse to not stand your ground. Robin, your advice is so true, especially your advice on validation and acceptance. Your knowledge and wisdom is very mature for your age. Great Video💋
Let's not be in denial. I'm a trans woman as well. But we were born biological males let's not change definitions just to fit our narrative. I have 4 children that respect me as their father even though I'm a trans woman now. Yes I am a trans woman but my pronouns remain he/ him. And that's my choice
Your comment made my realise something about my life. For a long time no matter what I did I could never impress or get validation from my dad. I worked hard in school, I went to college at 14 years old, I graduated high school early, I tried to start my own business, I've written my own music theory, I've learned how to write my own software, I've learned how to reverse engineer software and hardware. I've never gotten any encouragement or validation. I ended up giving up on impressing him and started looking for it in myself. What I've never thought about is applying this to being trans. I'm scared nobody will accept me and that everyone will hate me, but that doesn't matter as long as I'm happy with myself. "If I would have asked people what they wanted they would have said 'faster horses'." - Henry Ford If I spent my time caring about what people wanted I never would be happy.
I cried listening to this 😥. I can't emphasize enough how right you are Robin. Thank you for sharing. I'll try to give a little insight you inspired without getting to dark or inappropriately funny. I've spent 30 years pretending to be a cis male because it was more "acceptable" than being the gay woman I am. Girls, don't cave to the false idea of normal, or family pride, or culture bias, etc. They will still talk and laugh when you're not around, and we don't deserve that. Be true to yourself as early as you can. Think about what you want, and what your ideal self looks like. We are not here to be scrutinized, fetishized, or otherwise made to feel less than. Remember your feelings are important. That last bit has taken me years of therapy to comprehend. My love to all 🧡💜 stay safe.
I was watching this video to get a better understanding of trans mtf. I am trans myself but I'm ftm. I recently met a trans girl online who's really confused abt some stuff so I'm looking for videos to reccomend her. I found this super helpful. I just met her but shes super sweet and I'm already gonna protect her in any way I can
I really like this video :) it’s been something I’ve been working on. Also I think your chin is so cute on you. There’s a lot of people that look for traits that would ‘clock you’ even when their totally normal for a cis girl. None the less it’s hard to ignore for sure. You’re really lovely and I hope you have a great day 💜
This was a great video. I’m agender and feel that I constantly compare myself to other non binary and trans people and their choices and how that connects to me. It really is a key thing to remember that you know yourself best. Journaling helps for me to straighten out my feelings. And like you said, there are linear paths and expectations even for trans and non binary transitions. Navigating what you actually want vs. what society/media has made you want is hard. Lots of love❤️
This is very helpful, I’m a trans woman in my early forties and currently in the middle of my transition! I’m having a hard time figuring it out and while living in a very conservative area. I don’t pass, and I hide myself from everyone while I’m taking hormones
I had a hard time when I started because I was a little awkward. I finally realized that each day would be less so. Each day I would learn and be a better me. 6 years later, oh, the other side is amazing! You can do this, believe!
It must suck being you right now. You're obviously brave enough to pursue your dream. I hope you can have some happiness and not succumb to the Final Solution.
@@vancegilmore245 What kind of foolish comment is that? " It must suck being you?" Your poop doesn't stink? 'The final solution' is a Nazi reference. Are you trying to be funny? You are not.
Hey Robin could you make a video with "tips" for cis people to talk with trans people? (not only a girlfriend/bf, also friends, relatives, etc) I mean to avoid making trans people feel uncomfortable, "less included" and things like that you know, like based on your experiences interacting with cis people. Because maybe we say x thing that we consider good/not bad in a talk but it makes you feel bad or uncomfortable, you know. Also it would be cool to talk about things that cis people can do to contribute to reduce transphobia
Im just starting my journey at 31, and I'm so scared sometimes thinking about how so many people in my life might not accept the real me. They probably won't accept it, but i have found support in others that make me feel safer. I don't know how I got this far, letting the fear and self hate push an essential part of myself away for so long. I wish i could tell my past self that it'll be ok, and that it wont be easy, but its better than lying to yourself. I'd forgotten that i could love who i am because i was not completely myself. I dont know how exactly things are going to go, this girl is going to do her best and wishes everone the same on whatever journey they take.
Hi Robin. I just saw your video now….two years after you made it. A little bit of context… I’m a 67yo Irish man and my advice to you is keep doing what you’re doing cos you’re good at it and you are a very pretty young woman and obviously very smart and full of empathy and kindness. Be proud girl and let me tell you your chin is lovely so cherish it and yourself. Well done. Your courage amazes me. Take care.
hey, im a cis girl and i just wanted to come by and show some support to my trans sisters. i wish you all the best and admire the strenght you unfortunately need to have in order to just be in this fucked up world. never forget that you matter, you are worthy of love and you are light to this world 💖
As a cis guy, let me tell guy, never try to change to please any of us. Some cis women do, and they also try and "change" for a man. And they fail because that's not something you can even do. People get along or they don't. They like each other or they don't. And if they don't recognize you for who you are the problem is in them, not you. There is no negociating your validity.
I come back to this video every once in a while and I'm reminded that there is hope and I don't need to be afraid of how I'll "turn out". I just need to be me!
No kidding, the mailman called me girl just because of my haircut that day, that was enough to "pass" I still look very masculine, but that moment made me feel hopeful. The first person to ever meet me as a girl. A few days later, the same thing happened with a lady on the bus. I think is my aura or something.
I regret nothing about my transition, it was the best decision I made, and I would NOT go back even for 1 day. the past is the past, no point in dwelling on it, what's important is to look ahead of yourself. be patient, good times will come :)
As a trans woman who is transitioning later in life that you nailed it on all points. We are just like ciswoman. We are all different. The beauty standards we put on are selves is to harsh most of the time. Try and be kinder to yourself. Your both physical and mental health will get better if you do. You 100% nailed the not thinking transphobes not expecting you after you hate on other trans people. They will use and cast you aside when they are done with you. To all my brothers and sisters. We are all special in our own right. Are transition is are own. Let no one dictate to you how you have to do it. And, lastly, be safe out there. The world is a very scary and dangerous place.
Sometimes I regret not starting my transition until I was in my 30s but at the same time I learned so many important lessons from those experiences. I got to hear what my own community thought about me before they even knew who I was. It was sad and tragic but that knowledge has really helped me navigate my life post transition
Thank you so much. I am an older person, who began my journey 6 months ago. You speak about the questions asked, & I wanted to share an experience I had recently. Went to the doctor I’ve been seeing for 2+ years, & informed her that I’ve been on hormones for the past month, (as I should). Needless to say, the questions came blasting at me, in not a nice tone. When she asked about my sexuality, I lost it, replying that it was none of her damn business, & had absolutely nothing to do with what I’m looking to accomplish. I was not denied future health care, so nothing she said or did is illegal. I feel that it is morally & ethically wrong, but who am I to say. I am proud to be who I am. Will probably never be “passable”, & can’t allow that to interfere with expressing my true self. Look forward to part 2. Thanks again.
I have met one time a such GP, because my GPs are in vacation. She asked very annoying questions. I'm very open, but some questions can be really out of scope. Regarding "passing", this is really a relative thing especially if you are pretty old. I don't have any "passing" in absolute as I'm tall and large. But for whatever reason, I have a certain "passing" privilege. Self-confidence is probably the key.
I would tell myself that what I was feeling was ok. That I should do what I felt was best and to not care so much about what everyone else thought. Trying to deny who you are, trying to outrun these feelings, is only going to result in self loathing and severe depression and anxiety. It's not worth it to find yourself still going through this a decade later emotionally drained just to arrive at the conclusion you should have reached a long time ago, "This is who I am, and that's ok."
I love to see people who got transition in their way, this is literally relieving. They came to a point where they are happy with themselves, and they need to be sure that this is the greatest accomplishment of their lives. I already came to a point where nothing can happen anymore. I never regretted "not knowing earlier", but growing up with any trace of transition denied. Starting HRT at 19, then being now 21, seeing zero effects except from crying so more often and having _that_ thoughts in a way more frequent basis, but still with an empty promise that everything will settle out someday. When absolutely no one can treat you right, and you just can't come out of this cycle because absolutely everyone where you live share some parcel of prejudice against you. Or needing to boymode constantly as condition to not lose the few safety points you do have. I can't see this all as internalised transphobia. I always think about a better place where this all will be just a bad memory from a remote past. The only problem is that I realised that such place may not exist on this world, or I need to die so I can be finally myself. There's no way to avoid transphobes anymore, they are all over the place and no one cares if something happens.
I am sorry to hear that this is what the gender-alignment process has been like for you. Negative experiences like that is what kept me back from starting with HRT, I always wondered what to do if it hurt my already shaky mental state even further. While I am not in the same shoes as yours, and still have to start "walking in them", I can also tell you that receiving acceptance made my gender dysphoria much easier to deal with. There are no trans people where I work, I don't meet a lot of people outside of work, and at this point I am the only person who is not cis+het male there. These people are my best friends right now, and it's not like they are transpositive. Thing is, they may have a lot of opinions about groups of people as a whole but that doesn't set in stone how they think about me. Life got stages better once I managed to work past my worries and talk to people there about how I feel about myself. I learned that the people there only want to see me happy and are fine with whatever I decide for myself. I have taught students wearing dresses and make up. I have gone to parties and went out with friends in full girlmode and had friends tell me that they were happy to see me like that. I have had conversations with people who have zero experience with transpeople or gender questioning people and came out feeling like they understand me even better than I do. This doesn't mean everything is great and fine now, and I don't doubt that people like Robin, or really anyone, also feel distress no matter how much they pass or how far they transitioned. The point is: as far from perfect as everyone's life is, it definitely gets better. Time is a factor here - my best and worst years were when I was 17-22. I burst out crying in work or in public about feeling like my life reached a dead end even years after that. I still get those feelings, but if one thing definitely changed more for the positive, it's that now the bad parts don't hurt as much, while good moments, including the small moments from the past where people even unknowingly affirmed my gender identity, just stick with me and make me glad to have stayed alive for this long. I am not sure what exactly I want to tell you, I just want you to feel that things get better and no matter how your transition is going, things do settle out. You are alive and on a path towards becoming who you want to be. You are not alone with these feelings, and I can tell you that they will change, and somewhere along the way a few years further you will realize that things will be ok. The little things in life, the little moments you have to yourself or to share with friends, the occasional compliments and acts of kindness people extend to you, they all make this worth it, and you too are still around because no matter who you are, you are making this all worth it to others. I wish you the best of life has to offer, because you deserve it. Don't ever let you tell otherwise.
Cis person here, we need to hear that, too. It's the gender binary which questiones the identity of us and forces us into roles we might fit in or we might not. Actually, it's this binary which does not fit in the reality of humankind, which is cis and trans, binary and non-binary, gay, lesbian, bi, pan, ace and straight. And in case you might need to hear that: Neither your chin, nor your genitals, nor anything else can deny your identity, nor the fact that you're a both strong and attractive woman.
You're such a positive person, i don't blame the negative trans content creators, but i just appreciate this. You taught me 🥺 i have been doing internalized transphobia, and im thankfully young, so now i wont be dumb as sn adult
As an older cis/ace guy, your identity is is not in your genitalia... Transitioning is for YOU, and no one else! The part that makes you who you are is inside of yourself. If I had my genitalia removed, I would still be cis because that's who I am. My lack of sexual attraction is just my orientation...
Thank you very much for this video... Also idk where else to say it so I'll say it here, I love all of you trans people, and thanks to the ones who share experiences and advices, because of you it'll be a lot easier to new people like me to go through all this, sometimes I wish I was cis, I'm not even out yet but the idea of being treated differently hurts me, I can't know for sure what I'll have to face but listening to or reading what other people that used to be like me have to say is extremely comforting, thanks again, I love you all adorable human beings, you're super rad for being yourself
You look super beautiful and femenine! I don't think your chin/jaw is masculine at all, it's just perfect and makes your face very attractive, i think it wouldn't look that good if it was less "strong"
I'm 31 now. I regret that I've never been brave enough to live as a trans, however I knew it since i was a little kid. Now i'm 31, masculine, and crying over seeing this video how beautiful she is... and how beautiful i could have been if i were brave enough and live my life as a woman and could love that lesbian girl I have a strong platonic crush on. i don't want to start it now. I'm handsome man, but I fear I would be an ugly trans and loose everything. I should have started it prepubert. PLEASE, IF YOU FEEL YOU ARE TRANSGENDER! DO IT AS EARLY AS YOU CAN. YOUR FAMILY WILL LOVE YOU, AND THE PEOPLE AROUND YOU CAN FCK THEMSELVES IF THEY HAVE PROBLEM WITH IT. LIVE YOUR LIFE IN THE SKIN YOU WANNA LIVE IN. PLEASE!!!!!!!!!! ...don't do this fcking mistake
Not comparing yourself to other trans peeps is the most important advice, and also the most difficult. Every time I let my mind do that I go straight into the darkest thoughts I have. I have been waiting for HRT for 6 years now. All this time that I will never get back, growing the wrong way. So seeing someone younger or the same age be more passing just kills me. Comparison is the enemy of joy yes, and the enemy of gender euphoria.
Thank you so much for this video. I’ve felt like shit and have been super scared about transitioning. I found out after shaving my head (I shaved my head because I was so scared of looking feminine to masculine men) and now I feel super insecure because I don’t feel like a woman with my super short hair and I feel like it’s a roadblock in my transition. Im planning on begging my dad for therapy to help me through this scary and beautiful chapter in my life.
I regret the years I did everything the church told me to just to be good enough... but I could never be because I was just a pervert in their eyes. I wish someone could have taken me aside 25 years ago and tell me that I am a beautiful girl deserving of the love of genuine and accepting friends.
25 years later than it should have happened. You are a beautiful girl deserving of the love of genuine and accepting friends. Wish I could have been there to tell you that. Stay strong and build your life the way you need it to be. There are good people out there.
4:39 Not pretty private, it is bloody private sis. It's our own business to begin with and it's our decision whether or not we tell our stories. What I'm seeing right now is a woman hence a person, so you have your rights and freewill. Cheers~
Such questions affect the same information that every doctor and psychologist has a duty of confidentiality about. Just send them to google, where they can search what ever they want.
Honestly this is what I needed to hear. I’m a trans girl who finally came out to my significant other and a couple friends. This is something that has made me more comfortable with the transition. Thank you
Being trans isnt really about "looking" like a girl, its more about living like the person you are on the inside. The looking like a girl part is just a bonus
I'm a fem gay man, and this was nice to watch. It makes my heart hurt a lot because trans & gays are under attack so much right now, and I don't know your struggle like I know my own. Thank you for cluing us in a little 🥰😭
Girl, you are supermodel-level STUNNING! You said you are insecure about your bone structure (thanks for sharing. That was really brave :) but your bone structure is absolutely beautiful. Your advice really hit me in the heart.
Fellow trans woman here: Just remember, if someone tries to make you tell them what's in your pants, they do NOT have your best interests at heart, whether they be friends, strangers, or even partners. You're under no obligation whatsoever to tell anyone anything about your transition or you in general
NB Trans Masc here, I looked almost identical to my paternal grandfather till my 30s, so it was only after I realized I was part of the trans umbrella that I started really looking like my mom. In my case interacting with the trans community and realizing I belong there actually made me more accepting of getting assumed as a woman. Suddenly the things I reacted badly to and had sharp aversion to made sense. I had answers. Among those answers I also realized I was always what I am and accepting that I've always been masculine no matter how I looked or present now has given me the confidence to shove off almost all my internal expectations of gender.
Oh my god this is awesome.. I have just realised 2 days ago what has been happening to me for decades and that I can't fight this anymore. My two best friends are 100 percent supportive so that makes it easier. Thankyou for this video .. from Robyn (I was born Robin but for the last 8 years changing the spelling was the first step for me)
This video is astonishingly relevant. The part about trying to fit in with cis folk is what I'm now going through since I finally identified as a TW not just non-binary.
i'd tell myself that its okay not to fit other peoples expectations and that i should not try to appease others to get their validation, but instead to accept myself for who i am and realize my potential. Also: Thank you 😙
If it helps: -If you hadn't mentioned being trans, i never would've guessed, and i'm used to studying male vs female anatomy for art. i'm not the *most* experienced, but compared to the average person... -Most people don't know what to look for -There are conservatives who still call me "ma'am"; even though i'm not as passible, and never transitioned(though one day i hope to)
People saying "I could tell because of your chin" are absolutely lying to themselves and just trying to find a way to prove to themselves that they are always able to tell who's trans and who isn't. These kinds of people will latch onto _everything_ to be able to "tell" - all after finding out you're trans, of course, because they couldn't actually tell. Because hell, you pass so fucking well, it kind of makes me envious, even though I'm NB.
Yes you're right I often compared my transition with others , like why they look feminine than me and mine is slow or why their hair longer ,even though I know everyones body react differently with hormones and gives different results as you did I should focus only on my transition than comparing I wish I had atleast one person in my life IRL who would genuinely accept me support me and my journey , but my parents itself are toxic and they make every mistake they shouldn't like body shaming , triggering gender dysphoria , mental stress screaming cursing , forcing shit on me and also asking to stop transition and Im not allowed to come out in public or use makeup outfit etc I started my journey at 26sept on my birthday last year so it would be remembrance day tho Its kinda stressing me out the mood swings fatigue 😩
Stay strong, you will find support. Your life can look very different in a year or two. Plan, if you cannot do what you need now, plan, so that you can make things happen for you. No one has the right to tear you down. Avoid the negative things that might set you back. Good luck to you.
I've only came to terms with and realized my trans identity in my 30s. :( I did start thinking about gender stuff in my mid twenties, but I just wasn't really aware. My introduction to trans stuff was transphobic shit in movies growing up. I'd say I'm transfem non binary, and I can't wait to start HRT! I'm defs a big burly individual. But hey! I get to be a big burly babe now!
I learned in therapy that many if not most people have some form of intrusive thoughts, and if we learn to recognize thoughts that are intrusive, we can choose what to do with them. A thought isn't our essential selves, and we don't have to take them onboard as our identity. I personally believe my "internalized" self-phobic thoughts are just a form of intrusive thoughts I was conditioned to think by our current cultural taboos and the thoughtless judgements that come with them. I don't morally agree with them, so I don't have to choose to keep them onboard. Allowing myself this grace makes it easier to dismiss the thoughts. I am not saying it is easy - it takes a lot of time to develop that reflex to quickly identify the thoughts themselves as the unwanted thing. But I have seen my thought patterns change several times over the decades (because I have been actively working on such things for decades). Since I've seen changes several times, that means I am still capable of improving these things for myself, and that my thought patterns never have to be permanent. Even when the thoughts pop up repeatedly, when I am recognizing that they are intrusive, it is still much easier than when I let them exist as sustained creeping doubts and cloud the judgements I'd make if I were a neutral third party. I tend to give others the benefit of the doubt more than I give myself, and being able to quickly recognize when I'm going against the type of grace I'd give others helps me halt that process. This isn't the only way to think about things, of course. All I'm trying to do is share a tool in my toolbox that is working for me. It may be that something different works for you. But I've found that mental tools like this can be very helpful to changing my pattern of thinking. Sorry for the rambling. If you end up reading this, I hope at least some part of it was helpful, even if only to strengthen your hope that your ways of thinking can change, and those ways of thinking will change if you want them to and if you keep working at it.
A good way to describe the tranistioning process as just being unique. That is an easier way to say it but I am glad I found you here on youtube. I agree pretty much with all your points.
One thing I would say to my younger self is you are not an abomination you are not the problem there is nothing wrong with you and I love you for you who you truly are. And to all my trans siblings I say the same to you I love you all you beautiful and perfect and don’t let anyone tell you otherwise.
I am a late bloomer. Realized I was trans at 54. 2 1/2 years ago. Great video topic. Might encourage trans women to find trans community near them and on line groups.or move closer to a trans community to have like minded people around them.
These comments really put a lot into perspective for me. Not gonna lie, I have been so caught up in my own transition, I never sat and gave a whole lot of thought to non passing women who have an entirely different set of obstacles that they have to deal with, I am 26 years old and I transitioned 2 years ago and ignorantly must have just assumed that all transwomen deal with tools and married men fetishizing you left and right. Making the idea of dating or finding that special someone seem less attainable.. newly developed fears like cat calls can be absolutely terrifying too, given situations and surroundings. The fear of being harmed for embarrassing a straight male for hitting on you in front of his friends will probably be a thing for a while to come but all in all, I wouldn't change. I have no regrets. I do however, find myself being more of an activist and really feeling for and understanding my fellow trans women and the array of difficulties each of us take on each and every day. I hope to pave a more accepting and safer path for younger generations, ideally with less societal influence on the ideal womens physique for sure.
“I’m gonna be serious today”. Two seconds later... “I don’t have any water with me here but I’ll be drinking water with you... in spirit” Hilarious 😂 Yes you are right about not all of us trans wanting to be sharing anything except for somethings with specific people Also I want to recommend “Braving the Wilderness” by Brene Brown. Love you Robin
No one should ever feel like they have to share anything about themselves your life is your experiences good & bad & everyone should be thankful for what is shared with them because it's always deeply personal & important
6:53 they probably only say that after you tell them you're trans. it's only when you mention that you're trans that people can "tell". which means they can't genuinely tell. they're just saying that to get ahead of themselves. just don't mention it to anyone, and no one will be able to "tell".
I really resonate with your last point actually… Just over a year ago my girlfriend at the time left me because I was trans so to try to get her to stay I suppressed it and lied to myself about it which eventually ended up in me finding a middle ground and becoming a femboy, all year long i just got through as a femboy with no friends no partner no anything until recently when I came out as trans again, and now I do have friends and an amazing girlfriend who all love and support me this way🥰🥰 I suppose it’s about finding the right people instead of trying to make the right people out of the wrong people if that makes sense (I’m probably just reiterating a point already made but it’s important and true)
just watched your video to learn about transgenders. And I had to comment on your chin phobia. I think you have a beautiful facial bone structure and you are very pretty. Don't change a thing!
It took me so long to realize I was trans, and very very long for me to come out, and yet longer still to start transition. I lost family but I gained integrity
