7 Embarrassing Pieces of Gear We Had to Wear for the Stats 

"Ah, so you've finally arrived. Be ready to-What are you wearing?" "IT'S MY ASS KICKING OUTFIT, BIT-!"

You wear the Ranger Tights for stats, I wear it for fashion. We are not the same.

2:29 "As briefs go, they are the briefest." 🤣

Fallout 4 is full of "this looks terrible, but has great stats". My character has been living in the Grognak costume for so long...

That Stone Mask in Bloodstained is not embarrassing. It is "Throwing my humanity away, JoJo!!!".

For the God of War entry, I'm honestly shocked you went with the spud outfit instead of the "Dairy Bastard" outfit from the first game. Dressing as a giant cow complete with udders and beating enemies to death with milk cartons is honestly far more embarrassing.

The first piece of armour you find in Divnity Original Sin 2 is a bucket you can put on your head. It provides a decent bit of physical armour, which is very nice in the super early game, but it gives you -1 initiative, presumably because it's a bit hard to see what's going on with a bucket on your head.

I’m just disappointed that the rangers tights didn’t come with a reference to Robin Hood men in tights, it would have been great fun

Dragon's Dogma 2 - Charming Corset is literally one of the best pieces of kit in the game. If I remember correctly, it actually has higher stat than a number of post-game armours and is better than them for non-melee focused classes (its knockback resistance isn't as high as some end-game melee armours which makes it a bit less useful in that respect). It looks exactly like you might expect. It's basically lingerie, since you don't wear anything underneath and the only thing you can do for additional coverage (since it takes up both body and leg slot) is a cloak. It's not quite bikini armour, but it only covers up about as much as a one piece bathing suit. Naturally, it's a bit more awkward to have a male character (pawn or Arisen) wearing it, but stats are stats, and it's endgame worthy equipment that can be used for any class.

Do we need to bring up Link’s frostbite outfit? Instead of a tunic to protect from the winter, you wear a revealing dress. At least Link looks good in it.

🤣🤣🤣 11:13 - The sight of Snake slowly turning to look to his left in that mask is just hilarious. I genuinely laughed out loud🤣🤣🤣

This list should definitely include Dragon Age II's "Golden Prince Rainment": It confers +2 to all stats, +44 health and +10% damage resistance in exchange for making The Champion of Kirkwall look like a blinged-out Cowardly Lion from the Wizard of Oz.

In Dark Souls 2, the Jester top is very handy in the foggy area of the Shaded Woods, which is full of ghosts that try to backstab you. The Jester top prevents backstabs, you see.

Mike breaking out the Warhammer Ork logic for cars there

Hey, Kratos may look ridiculous as a potato, but his butt is much more covered than the DD2 ranger, so that's a plus.

Persona 3 has the “Battle Panties” it doesn’t have the best stats for later game battles but in the beginning game they are pretty good 😂

That chip joke is s-mashing

We're men in tights

Fallout New Vegas: the early-game “Naughty Nightwear” that sees you donning leopard-print PJs for the whopping +10 to Speech for crucial conversations

In Diablo 3, a crusader using the invoker/thorns build had the best effect using the Pig Sticker, a dagger with the fastest attack rate in the game. The catch was that it would randomly produce loud pig squeals. So, the hero of New Tristram arrives back from slaughtering an army of hellspawn with a loud pig squeal announcing our return

I remember when the meta for Mario Kart 8 was all people playing as Waluigi riding the Wiggler bike with tiny wheels. Which is a fun thing to get beaten by repeatedly.

Ah yes, the "ass kicking outfit"

"battle panties" is brilliant

The bunny hood giving me the ability to move around quickly, made it a permanent equip. As a child it even made me go back to OOT, and complete the mask salesman's quest of delivering all the masks to the right customer, because I thought it would make the bunny hood work like it did in Majora's Mask. It did not 😔

Xenoblade Chronicles has an interesting mechanic where each character gets a massive boost in something if they're just in their underwear.

Far Cry 6 features a cartoonish crocodile mascot helmet that is crazy good. You can get it after completing the story mission “Diesel Daisy” and it comes equipped with the "Guerilla Defender" perk which increases defense against soft-target, armor piercing, and blast damage. I still wear it to this day because it’s funny and the defense buff it gives you against all the damage types is genuinely OP.

Final fantasy 15 Noodle Cup Helmet

Obligatory callout to the ProZD skit about this very subject. XD

Literally any mage headwear in Dragon Age: Origins. But especially the ones that look like dunce hats.

What you may not know is that the Stone Mask that you wear in Bloodstained is actually a replica of the Stone Mask that turned DIO into a vampire in JoJo’s Bizarre Adventure Part 1. Long story short: It’s a JoJo reference. Lol

There is no shame in Mr. Scooty. I pick that regularly because I love the name (and how some of the taller characters have to hunch over the handlebars a little).

When I read "spud of war", it brought an image to my mind. Then, the video confirmed my hypothesis. That is a great potato!

Battle panties and posing pouch are two sentences I never thought to hear Jane say...

In Diablo 3's first seasons there was a head gear that was obviously the best, stat-wise, for Barbarians. The dissonance between the obviously north-european inspired barbarians (both male and female models) and the samurai-like helm EVERYONE was wearing in the endgame was hilarious!

Shout out to Resident Evil 4 remake where, while not as wild as these, does have lovingly detailed chicken heads for both Leon and Ada (among other animal bits which different stats) which reduce damage taken. Also, Dragon Age: Inquisition's plaidweave - sure it's stats really depend on what you craft it with, but hideous regardless!

"Hawkeye's posing pouch" good lawd

The Burning Crusade before armor customization (or TBC Classic for that matter) as a Rogue. Not sure how I'm supposed to be stealthy while wearing a neon orange vest, neon green boots, neon red leggings, and neon blue gloves, but I'm guessing the enemy just assumes they're hallucenating until it's too late

That line from the pawn about a splendid discovery with the camera pan nearly made me spit my drink 😂

Did Mike write the joke about stripes making cars faster, or was he blackmailed into saying it?

Ghost of Tsushima has the fundoshi which is acquired by visiting all of the hot springs and when it's equipped causes running and sprinting to no longer make noise. The fundoshi is basically Jin Sakai running around in his undergarments.

Kotor2 Dancer outfit. Based of Princess Leia's VI "outfit" on Jabbas barge and gives a +2 Persuade. Been too long to remember exact moments but there were times I would equip it to pass a persuade check.

I'm surprised Witcher 3 didn't turn up. It's not an issue late in the game but there is some really ugly early game armor that I always end up wearing.

14:02 this Stone Mask looks so bizarre, it makes me wanna reject my humanity. 😂

The weird clothes/accessories just make cutscenes 100x better in my opinion even if they don’t give you stats Like sure I’m having a serious conversation about how someone is infected with a virus but hey! Look at my weird Lego head :D

The Devs just want to see how many people will wear the most ridiculous outfits for the stats. I am going out now to look for the ranger's outfit! Probably get arrested in Mississippi!

The Ranger’s Tights have a real Jim Dangle vibe to them. Real Law Enforcement Cheetah energy…

In Final Fantasy XI, the first armor that I was able to make that was better than the starting equipment, the bronze harness, was as revealing as the Ranger's Tights!

I submit for your approval: the subligar from Final Fantasy XI. This set of armor in the early going was pretty much the first upgrade that low-level characters got in the MMORPG. It also was basically a kinky outfit, with straps across the chest and legs and fully exposed thighs, no matter your character's gender. You didn't get to cover yourself with something more dignified for roughly another five levels, and since this was an older MMORPG, those levels did not come quickly, meaning it was Real Naked Thigh Hours for quite some time back in the day.

It’s not exactly silly. But the Wavemother’s robe in BG3 is my personal favorite. Especially if you have one of the beefier companions like Karlach or Halsin wear it

Monster Hunter World is a masterclass in ugly gear being the best. So much so that the DLC introduced cosmetic armor that always shows instead of whatever actual armor you're wearing.

Mass Effect 2, Collector armor. I'm sure there are no friendly fire incident in your future !

It makes glad that at least in FromSoftware games the ugliest stuff tends to also have the worst stats, at least for my build. I try to strike a balance between wearing something that looks decent and wearing something that gives me good protection while also not making me fat-roll. Although with there not being equip load in Bloodborne, it's really easy to focus on the fashion in that game.

Rogue Trader. “Errr… Lord Captain… as the undisputed master of numerous planets and slayer of great enemies, you know we respect you, right? It’s just… well… why are you dressed like a gimp?” “It’s the bonus! I need the bonus!”

I was once in a D&D game (1st edition) where the DM decided to see how far people would go for gear. We were attacked by circus performers. The loot: a gorilla suit of AC 0 (equivalent to plate mail +3 basically), the Clown Shoes of Striding and Springing, the Clown Nose of Adaptation and the Tutu of Spell Turning.

Anyone else reminded of that one ProZD skit?

Wow, the chip on the shoulder joke was *awesome*! (Yes, I love bad puns).

In Dungeon Siege 2, there's a helmet called the "Mysterious Bucket" which increases your chance to find magic loot and grants the unique stat bonus to beligerence.

Do all ox t-shirts have stat boosts or just that one?

In Akiba's Trip: Undead and Undressed, there's a set of clothes you can buy called the Emperor's clothes. Among purchasable clothing, they have the highest base HP. The embarrassing part? They're invisible. They're a reference to the fable The Emperor's New Clothes, after all.

The "Sir John Phallustiff" (a slightly more subtle name for the reworked, Saints Row classic) was my highest stat weapon throughout all of my first Cyberpunk playthrough. I had to unequip it anytime my mum came in the room

I see Mike runs on Ork logic when it comes to cars!

Some Ashlander chieftain have me a THONG for doing all his tasks a THONG!!!

MGS V, the chicken hat! A hat that causes enemies not to notice you in their line of sight up to three times. You may look ridiculous but whose laughing when the guards are all unconscious?

14:01 that is clearly a JoJo reference.

Oblivion Shivering isle saints and seducers armors.

7:36 “If it’s red, it’s fast.” Bro is, in fact, an Ork.

the bunny hood was awesome XD

I never realized that one of the best Mario Kart 8 setups just looks so genuinely hilarious

0:38 "Is there anything this t-shirt cant do?" I'm going with 'Fit Properly'...

Submitted for your approval: The Captain Cosmos Space Suit From the Fallout 4 Creation Club. It has a huge 750 Radiation resistance bonus, is compatible with ballistic weave so has up to 110 damage and energy resistance, and best of all it has the Moon Boots ability to jump REALLY high and negates all fall damage. It also looks like it was originally a toddler's costume from the discount bin of a party city.

0:41 whenever I hear this piano riff I think of a cat from an old cartoon playing the piano standing up and animatedly tapping their foot

Ooohhh, that's what Majora Mask is about? I want to play it now

I bought a shirt with the quote "Do not be sorry. Be better." I love that crappy dad quote!

I like the way Link looks in the Bunny Hood (hand itching to reach for pitchfork.)

lol - my favorite vehicles are Scootypuff Jr (Mr Scooty) and Ladybug with Wings (Biddy Buggy) but I didn’t know about that hidden stat.

When Snake peaked around that tree with the mask on 😂😂😂😂💀

The Bronze Harness set in Final Fantasy 11 was some of the best armour available at very low levels, meaning that starting players using the Warrior or Thief jobs would be wearing what amounted to not much more than a skimpy metal swimsuit. Notably, that applied to both male and female character models. And since that armour was also useful for some of the advanced job classes (like Paladin or Dark Knight), and the higher-level Brass Harness set was, visually, a recolour of the Bronze Harness set and also pretty decent, you got players who *weren't* just starting out *also* wearing what amounted to not much more than a skimpy metal swimsuit. It turns out that having the bright idea to wear more than just a pair of metal rings as protection for your legs requires being at least level 16, as that's when the Bone Harness set becomes available... provided, of course, that you don't switch to something else, like leather.

Gotta love the Dragon Age Origins cloth head armor. Specifically, the Libertarian's Cowl, which gave +12 defense, and +0 chance any companion would want to sleep with you.

What about the "naughty nightware" in Fallout New Vegas? Gives +10 Speech and +1 Luck, but it's leopard-print pyjamas. At least male characters get a full set, female ones get stuck with a nightie.

"Battle Panties." 🤣🤣🤣🤣

Can't help but think of any number of the goofy costumes available via password in Fantasy Life for 3DS. The flufkin suit boosting friendship rates for streetpass visitors, allowing you to get the potentially game changing items they can bring into your world much quicker, or the frilly costumes, or the santa costume. At least Yuellia's robe looks awesome no matter what for being the single best clothing item all around.

7:36 Mike is an Ork from Warhammer 40k

Naughty Bear has a few costumes that either make no sense or are stupid, but they provide stats, may coke with a weapon, and includes the fact you actually BLEND IN WITH THE VICTIMS I mean, its one thing to pose as your antagonist cop or ninja, but how the frick can you get away with blending in dressed as a "Super Naughty" Bonus if you include Dead by Daylight's trapper skin that turns you into Naughty Bear cus yes

WARHAMMER40K ORKS:"RED THING GO FASTER!!"

Link wearing the bunny hood is the cutest thing ever and I refuse to be embarrassed about it

The Xenosaga games all have swimsuits for every character and they give really good boosts. Yeah, those fights and cut scenes were awkward when my mom walked in.

Don't forget Leon's Chicken Hat and Cat ears from Resident Evil 4 Remake. Hard to get, embarrassing to wear... Game-changing benefits. Although, in the DLC, while the cat set looks good on Ada, the chicken hat looks even worse on her.

The Fable series lets you interact with any villager in the game, for good or ill. If an NPC likes you enough, they give you gifts from time to time, and if they're a merchant, they give you a sizable discount too. With so many NPCs to impress, I naturally spent a significant amount of time dressed in a particularly revealing set of attire availible near the start of the game. Admittedly it only helps if the NPC in question is of a sexuality favourable toward your character, but wandering around Bowerstone in thigh high boots, short shorts, a corset, and a jacket several sizes too small, certainly got my mother's attention when she walked past the tv.

Fallout 4's most notorious fashion accessory has to be the Fashionable Glasses. News flash, the Fashionable Glasses do not look fashionable at all. They do however boost charisma and this means when you are trying to impress people you just met you'll be wearing these white framed sunglasses, often paired with a sequin dress and a militia hat because those were easy to get.

The Atomic-valence tri-radii-oscillator from Fallout New Vegas Old World Blues DLC. It's a helmet that increaes your damage threshold, ups your Endurance by +1, and offers health regeneration. In return, your head becomes the nucleus in an atom. Several blue lines circle around your head. Thank You PC modders for making these lines invisible.

I almost died at "battle panties" well done Jane!

7:30 Mike is a 40K Ork, confirmed.

In Cyberpunk 2077 (pre 2.0) stats were directly attached to clothing and the clothes with the best stats were HORRENDOUS. Like, IRL even if I were being actively shot at, I would never wear those clothes.

Ghost of Tsushima. Wearing only a Loincloth makes you completely silent, even while sprinting. So you can run up behind a convoy and silently assassinate them all without making a sound. The only downside on lower difficulties is that you're not wearing any armor. On higher difficulties it's not a downside since you die in one hit in any armor.

7:30 insert 40k Ork grunts of agreement here

If you ever do a commenter’s edition of this episode Disco Elysium has its fair share of ridiculous clothing. From the amphibian sports visor to the insane mesh tank top it’s got it all. But out of everything the leather jackets have got to take the cake, especially the brown one.

The nice thing about saying that it gives a +5 to Charisma is that it can't be false advertising, because we don't know if that's out of 20, or out of 100, or out of 1000.

11:12 That face 😂

First time playing Fallout 4, I had my first heart to heart with Father wearing the Mechanist's Helmet.

Radiant Set looks weird and kinda goofy for Link to appear like a glow-in-the-dark Mexican Wrestler, but TotK made the set bonus become an OP mechanic for fighting the mini-bosses if you had the right fuse materials for weapons and arrows. The Evil Spirit set is a good substitute, but it doesn't get upgrades, so the defense boosts become a bigger deal if fighting the upper-tier mini-bosses.