Personally I think the reason I'm shy is because I'm scared of judgement, even if I say something and maybe my voice was shaky or croaked I get so embarrassed and think everybody is judging me, even though they're not.
You should start thinking that those people who would judge you for little mistakes are literally just assholes who don't deserve to be even looked at. THEY make you feel worse than you actually should and that's definitely wrong. If they laugh or judge, try to look like you don't think it's a joke and be like "what's so funny ?" If you understand what I mean
i'm really loud and confident at home,but in school i'm quite quiet and shy and i don't know what to say. my personality completely changes and idk what happens to me.
Kyom Kyom same I think it's like that because your home and school are different environments and my friends and I are so loud he so quiet during class
The more people call me shy or quiet the more I act that way. Its really annoying cause I can't control it. Like when I finally open up to someone and am talking if they suddenly mention that I am talking and not quiet I will close up again. Thankfully I am getting better and am a lot more talkative now :)
+26Sundrops I actually think it's a good tip - at least for me when I was younger what I was afraid of was that people would laugh at me if I said something. Then my mum told me to just go for it and I started doing just that. After a while I realized that they wouldn't and its okay to speak up and that most people actually appreciate it. Obviously it won't work for anyone, but at least I'm very confident and comfortable with myself now x
Honestly so so true! Exactly what I did. because U pretend to be confident in situations, it becomes a habit and before U know it, U are comfortable and can talk to people and feel okay in situations that U never thought U could be!
I used to be pretty outgoing and I used to talk a lot and stuff but then I started to move around a lot and got really shy and stopped talking as much and my voice is really quiet and I hate eye contact. But then I made a great group of friends that brought me out of my shell and helped me not be so shy anymore.
There are several components to reducing shyness naturally . One resource I discovered that succeeds in merging these is the Sebs shy remedy (check it out on google) definately the most incredible plan i've heard of. look at all the unbelievable information .
There are a few factors in treating shyness at home. One plan I found which successfully combines these is the Seans Shy Program (google it if you're interested) it's the most helpful resource that I've heard of. look at all the interesting information .
A.K.A TheSkinnyMonster Same actually. I was known as the super fun and confident kid when I was younger, but then I moved and as the other kids kept putting me down whenever I tried to act like I really was, I became SUPER SHY and insecure. Like, the compleeete opposite! Now that I'm slowly getting more comfortable with myself and finally quit all the negative people out of my life, I really want to become that person that I was when I was younger. The people around oneself really can change you! But, as I said, it's becoming better now. I hope you're doing better too! When people try to put you down, it's because they want to put themselves over you as they see something positive about you that they wish to have - short, they're jealous. And I'm not saying this to let you feel better or something - I'm saying it because it's sadly the truth.
But what if those negative people go to the same class as you, are in your family.... like those people you can't just ''cut off'' ? i really don't know what to do rn
I've always been very introverted. One thing that really helped me was the whole "fake it till you make it" thing. I've never been a super confident person but in the past 6 months or so I've found that I've stopped putting myself down and I don't feel like I dislike what I see in the mirror. I "faked" having confidence for a while and now I am a genuinely confident person. The tips in this video are so great, thanks Sammi!
+Lauren Schroer That has worked for me too! I used to get anxiety presenting at school like wobbly knees, sweaty palms, the whole shebang, and I told myself that I need to get over it because I'm gonna have to be the center of attention in life, not only presentations but events like my wedding, etc. So, I faked it, and now talking in front of a crowd is so easy. I still get anxiety but specifically presenting, I've trained myself to fake having confidence and I honestly don't mind. Talking to adults, however, is another story. lol
I'm curious how one fakes confidence? Is it like acting? Or do you just do things that make you uncomfortable until they become comfortable? I've heard the fake it till you make tip a lot in life and I've never really got it.
+Ruby Rayne I'm probably going to explain this so wrong but it's like pretending you have confidence and then the acting of that can eventually make you more confident. I guess it was sort of what Sammi said about "keeping your head up in conversations" or walk into a room like you belong there. You know? Acting confident. Sorry, I've never been the best at explaining I'm sure someone else can say it better 😂😂 but fake it till you make it works the trick
+indiehipstervibe♡ just think that people won't remember the mistakes... can you remember the last time someone in your class made a mistake when answering a question? Chances are you can't. Challenge yourself to put your hand up just a few times a week, and gradually increase it until it becomes less intimidating :) (I hope this comment makes sense)
+indiehipstervibe♡ i feel the same way, i can not speak up in front of other people, especially in class, i really dont know why. I get super angry with myself but i cant help it. I guess we should just keep trying and push ourselves more. Easier said then done :/
This isn't as much of a practical tip, more something that may need to be continually worked on over time for people whose shyness is more of a symptom of lack of self-confidence/low self-esteem: believing in yourself. Believing that you have value and that your opinions and thoughts have value as well. Recognising that you are beautifully unique, that there has never been anyone like you and there will never be anyone like you, that you have something to contribute to those around you that no one else can in the way that you can, this will help you to embrace who you are and help you realise that you have so much worth as a person. From this place I think you will naturally stand taller and speak up more etc, I think that in conversations and social situations you'll begin to use these as opportunities to embrace your individuality and celebrate the uniqueness of others rather than worry or fear that you're not good enough because you're not a certain way or like a certain person.
+z612t9ooc72 wbui I'm glad this has encouraged you! I also struggles with this issue, I'm still on the journey but I can definitely say it gets better! :)
Omg YES the whole shy thing started for me when I was in grammar school and teachers would say I'm too shy. Being young I believed them and convinced myself I was this way and that it was wrong. Now I'm 23 and over the years it's been a battle to get out of the habit of overthinking my words to appear "normal" and actually being myself (who isn't really all that shy after all). I hate how people treat you different when they find out you're shy, almost like you're a child still or need to have things done for you. It really sucks in the adult working world because it stops you from getting promotions because people just assume you aren't outgoing enough to be good at...much. When actually it's proven that introverts can actually make really good leaders because they are better listeners.
Itzlesliem same girl, whenever I talk to anyone I have to be looking around, it's kind of akward but I have been trying to improve on eye contact and being less of an introvert.
I really needed this video! because of social anxiety, ever since i was younger I've had this embarrassing stutter. Like its really bad. I have found that confidence has been a great way to combat it.
I was so shy that in elementary school people called me the quiet girl & one idiot thought I was mute. It really does get annoying being called shy. The older I get the more I grow out of it though. Haha
Katherine Jimenez a boy in my class and my bff my bff said "Why are you so shy" and I blushed so much and said I don't know why and I was mad at my friend and everyone at my school say " why you so quiet"
I really loved this video Sammi! I've struggled with shyness and social anxiety for a long time and all the things you mentioned are stuff I've found myself doing over the years :) As far as tips go , I think eye contact is really important and noticeable. I also think it's good to remember that it's fine to be a little bit quieter than other people, so long as you don't feel like it's holding you back :)
I agree with you on so many of your points! I always hated it when people told me I was shy because I didn't speak a lot in social situations. I thought it was actually pretty rude pointing it out, and it made me feel really self-conscious about it, making it worse.
I've always been shy it's in my nature and I don't think there is something wrong with it however it's the people around you that make you feel as if it's a disease or smth very bad. I'm still shy but not so much as when I was younger and It's because of talking/ meeting people. There are people who can make you feel at ease and you share the same interest with them so unconsciously you get dragged in conversations or things and you have a great time.
Loved this video! I'm a "shy person" and get so anxious when I know I'm going to be out in a group of people sometimes I do something really daft and give myself a little pep talk in my head and list things I've done that I was proud of to try and give myself a confidence boost! And then I say you got this! That's sounds so stupid!!! Omg but it does work sometimes haha Ps love your hair xx
Ah this is super relevant for me, I'm so shy when out in groups and with people. I find it hard to talk to people and then over think it and then don't know what to say to make conversation and get so awkward then rely on my chatty husband to get me through the evening! I'm off out tonight to a rare social gathering so shall try take these tips on board Thankyou!
Breath! You'll do well. Make sure your practice your speech in front of friends or in front of a mirror...you need to make eye contact with your audience. 👍🏽 You'll do great! BTW, don't have caffeine before a presentation...it'll make it worse. Haha!
Thank you for this video! I think most people don't really talk about how you get more confident because they don't know what it's like to be really shy. Like my dad is really extraverted and always talks with everyone and makes jokes while I'm really shy and scared of everything. He, and other people that are like that most of the times just say: Just talk to that person, what can go wrong? Just speak louder! Or why are you so shy, I don't bite! But they don't get that's really hard, and that it takes time to be confident. People always see my as the shy girl or as the quiet girl while I'm really loud and funny when I'm alone with my parents, sister or best friend. They don't like it that I'm not like that to other people, cause that's who I really am but I don't know why but it just doesn't work to be like that to other people. Immediately my voice goes higher and softer and I don't know what to do! I really want to show myself to other people cause I think they will like it..
When I feel most shy or anxious in a public setting, I remind myself to fake it until I make it. As soon as I start acting confident I forget that I was ever feeling that way to begin with and I start having fun. Loved this video!
I couldn't help nodding to everything you said in this video. I've gone through the process from being shy, experiencing social anxiety, and I feel only recently that I've learned how to cope and grow with these things. Thank you for sharing!
I completely agree with the looking up one! I was walking home the other day from school and realised I was looking down and ever since I've consciously made an effort to look up and around me. I've never realised and appreciated how scenic and beautiful my walk home is, especially with how the trees are all turning red and orange. I noticed that small change made me walk with a stronger, more purposeful stride too. xx
I always tell myself that I don't care about what others think of me because often times when I think about what others may think of me, it keeps me from doing little things like raising my hand in class or initiating a conversation with someone I want to talk to.
I think you make a very valid point with simply looking UP, instead of looking down onto the road/street/where ever you're walking. It helped me SO much and it's such a simple thing.
Just trying to look into people eyes when they're talking has made a HUGE difference for me!! I found it so hard to look into peoples eyes when they're speaking and often end up looking down which can come off rude. So I feel just keeping my head up and looking at people really helped :)
you're right about people picking up that you're shy and treating you different. ive noticed that sometimes I feel uncomfortable at school if I don't know people in my classes and I would have such a serious face cause of it and I think people would notice that and get the impression that I was kinda mean or didn't want to talk to them so yeah confidence is key if you just try and act more confident "fake it till you make it" and people will try and talk to you more atleast thats what I've noticed I'm starting high school and I'm gonna try and act more confident hopefully that helps
I have always been shy since I was a toddler ( I'm 15 now ) and I hate how when people find out that you are quiet/shy they treat you differently, kind of as if you are timid/afraid. Teachers at my school always say on my school report 'she is a quiet contribution to class" and people always call me the 'quiet one'. Everyone treats shy people as if they are still a young child. :( so annoying
I work as an sales assistant and it has helped me so much to open up to people, to not be afraid to go up to people and start a conversation. If you work in sales you obviously become more extraverted. I was talking to a man who said to me 'wow you're quite chipper' and I answered him 'well that's just the way I am!' People notice that about you if you're more confident and that's nice. Try to step out of your comfort zone and it'll get better. Set a goal like 'Today I'm going to talk to 1 random person' and build that up slightly and after some time it'll feel natural. The same goes for when you're shy around guys you like. Set a goal like 'Tonight I'm going to talk to at least 1 guy I like' and after some time it'll feel natural and you won't feel so shy anymore. It's just about taking that extra step forward ^^
I like that you mentioned the matching because thats something I've always noticed in other people and when I notice it (girls and guys) we always end up as great friends, associates, classmates, coworkers anything really. This is def one of my fave girl talks that you've done so far
This is so helpful! I think with shyness it's a vicious circle. You are shy once or twice and than you label yourself as shy. Than, if you think about speaking up or being sociable, it automatically pops into your head that people know you're shy..so isn't it gonna be weird if you start being a bit louder? Aren't they gonna think you're trying too hard and not being comfortable? It's the most annoying thing ever! I used to have major social anxiety but I've tried to put myself out there a bit more and get myself out of my comfort zone and it's been working. I think I'm getting there! Thank you for these great tips, Sammi! x
I loved this! A lot of times shyness advice can feel so repetitive, and I get the feeling that the person speaking hasn't really encountered the kind of anxiety or fear that I have around people -- But you are so genuine! I try to always use these (as best I can) when I am on public. Especially in ordinary places like the grocery store or the mall. Sometimes I worry that the changes in my body language aren't as noticeable to other people as they are to me, but I try to remind myself that as long as they make me feel more confident or as if I am appearing so -- that's all that matters! As for what I find the most useful, I use the head up trick, body language mimic, and eye contact (eeeep) quite often. Thanks for making this video!!!
this is helpful!!! without sounding cocky I have always been quite confident! I am a people person, i looove chatting to people, ill give anyone the time of day, I became a redcoat entertainer at butlins lol i loved it and built so much confidence, I had my son 5 years ago and my confidence went... i went shy, doubted myself, didnt believe in myself etc... i started working at asda on checkouts for 3 years i absolutely loved loved loved my job, it was the social side of it i loved, Today was my last shift! i start my new job as the asda community life champion on monday doing charity work, fund raising, doing activities with the community etc i am so so excited! im scared right now but i am trying to be positive i wont doubt myself because this is an amazing opportunity! i know i can do it! just got to believe in myself a bit more xxxx
Love the colour of your hair, I've dyed my hair lighter even though it's autumn coming close to winter. Hate how people always treat me differently because I am shy, get people always talking behind my back. Especially in high school used to be bullied about it., and they would even go to my friends and ask them how they can be my friend because I'm shy and don't talk. That always just knocked my confidence, to the point even during adulthood I'm still shy. I manage to get jobs despite my shyness and social anxiety, I ended up losing it because I weren't outgoing enough. I tried to overcome it and I was slowly managing it then I lost the chance. This video has helped, I'm going to try this for uni especially when I've got group work and presentations.
This is so helpful! All of the tips you mentioned I've actually started doing recently to help improve my shyness. I was always labelled as "the shy kid" growing up. Towards the end of high school is when I felt like I was becoming more confident and a bit more outgoing than how i was before. I'm in college now, and occasionally I get comments like, "you're so quiet" or "she's so shy." I take it so negatively because I thought I'd already shed that "label.: Idk, sometimes when I hear that it brings me down. But i know I shouldn't let it define me. A lot of times I think to myself and say, "hey if you took some time to get to know me i'm actually pretty cool and talk a lot" hahah.
I've been shy my whole entire life. At school it was the worst I was always so nervous to put my hand up in class or even talk and feared that people thought i was weird. My social skills can still be quite awkward sometimes but what really helped me to overcome my shyness was getting a job and being in an environment where I had to talk to new people everyday. Although I still get quite shy meeting new people I am so much better these days. Great advise in this video!! Also the fringe looks amazing.
Thank you so much for this video Sam! I've been told I'm shy my whole life, and it makes me sooo frustrated. There is such a massive stigma against "shy" people that we are stuck-up, stupid, or apathetic- when that is absolutely not the case. Shy people are susceptible to more judgements than others because we don't openly express ourselves all the time. I really hate that being shy is such a negative word in society- it's okay to be shy sometimes. It's a battle to overcome shyness, trust me, I have to work on it everyday. Anyways, I really appreciated your tips! 💘
Also I can relate soooo much to this video! I am a shy person and I struggle with social anxiety and I often find myself looking down. Your video really helped me thank you❤️❤️❤️
The thing that helped me the most is definitely the keeping my head up & not being afraid to have eye contact with people! It also kinda helps with meeting people, cause when you already have that eye contact with people, you are both actually paying more attention to one another, if that makes sense, then you just have to start talking. Something that helped me personally is smiling actually, I'm someone who loves to show some teeth, & be happy in general. When you're happy, you just radiate happiness onto other. Loved this video Sammi ♥
Ahhh I feel like your confidence has grown heaps since being on youtube! Surrounding yourself with good people helps too- rather than 'friends' you feel you have to impress. Love this chica!! xxxx
The asking questions tip is really good ! My mum told me that a few years ago and it's honestly helped me a lot. I've always just assumed I was really awkward and bad at making conversation when really I was just too focused on myself. It's a lot easier to focus on other people. Also, it makes people like you more if you seem genuinely interested in them as opposed to just talking about yourself !
shyness really was something i never felt like i could get out of. but you are right overtime, one can "shed shyness." what a positive message to give people thanks samantha!! xoxo
When I was little I was really outgoing and had friends everywhere. It was awesome. But then I moved an hour away and lost all my friends but one. Upon moving, I still wasn't very shy and soon made a lot of new friends. I was in 3rd grade, but as time went on, my eyesite got worse. I should have gotten glasses a year earlier. My grades were bad and a new problem had begun. One that I never had before. My glasses on, the world was intimating since for so long I had looked down. To thing day, many years later, I am still working on it.
i always just like to keep my thoughts to myself and i do it way too much but i dont ever feel like i care about hearing peoples opinions on what i have to say so i never feel the need to talk very much ahahhahha and people take this as me being 'shy'
I agree with Sammy on these. I realized just recently that I've made quite a progress in terms of confidence, if I can call it that. In practice it means that I'm usually capable of 'normal' interaction with people in everyday life - ordering in restaurants, asking for information and also greeting people more and first, without being needlessly shy. I'm a bit proud of myself for making this progress, though I have a long way to go to be completely at ease when doing these mundane interactions.
"Don't mistake being [socially awkward/shy] for not being unique." I had someone tell me that after I fidgeted out of a situation by saying "no, no I can't I'm socially awkward!" to mask the quirks I get regarding my social issues (I ended up doing the task and had a good experience). I've held what they said really close ever since, because I feel as though sometimes shy people avoid interacting with others due to this idea that we'd come off as being too weird or awkward to really be interesting to another, but in the end sometimes that is the thing that makes us unique and interesting! Thank you for these tips, Sammi! I have a conference tomorrow that I was really worried about socializing at so this is putting me in a good spot to attend it with full-on confidence!
I love your hair in this video! I really struggle with shyness and in my first year of high school I was labeled as the "the girl who didn't speak". I found that actually dance has really helped me with my confidence and helped me to come out if my shell but also just talking to people not shying away from them! loved this video ! x
Can you do a girl talk on how to feel comfortable around men please? Sometimes I feel shy around them especially if I'm into one. Another idea is how to make friends at work if the girls are really cliquey also some girls can be judgemental before getting to know you. Thanks!
I've always considered myself to be a shy person, I used to be so quiet in school, then after doing something that I love (Fashion Photography) for the past 4 years, I've become very confident in myself, meeting new people helped with my anxiety a lot. I found that having a positive mind has a positive outcome on life and to keep eye contact with the person you are speaking to. Thanks for sharing your tips on this topic, enjoyed watching it as well as all your other videos (fan-girling!) haha xx
I now say that I'm 'quiet' rather than 'shy' and find that helps a bit, but you're totally right in that people will perceive you in that way if that's what you tell them. What helps me the most is to just keep making myself do things that scare me a little bit and it seems to be working as lately I keep being offered more and more opportunities that are a bit 'throwing me in the deep end' so people must see me as a completely competent and adaptable person which I don't think would have happened if I'd kept staying in my comfort zone.
Nice video, but I am not really shy, I just speak when I have something to say which makes it harder to have friends because when I force myself to say something it doesn't feel natural. And what is weirder I prefer talking in front of an audience than face to face with a stranger ...😁😔
I hate how people have to make being shy such a big deal. I have super bad social anxiety and I'm dead silent in school. Everyone always asks me if I'm okay and why I'm so quiet in class. I'm just quiet, it's not a big deal. When I start feeling comfortable around someone, I open up and become louder. But I'm always shy around people I have just met or even if I do talk to them a lot I can still be shy. Ugh it's so frustrating. I have been shy my whole life. But I love you so much Sammi and this video was super helpful. Thank you xxx
I used to be really shy! What really helped me was talking with my friends and spending time with them! They weren't as shy as I was and felt very confident ! I wanted to be like them! So I started doing effort! And now I can talk and meet new people very easily! When I talk with my new friends about my shyness they can't even believe I've been shy! I'm very proud of myself about this evolution! Super video as always Sam !
This is not a criticism to you it's just something that's helped me ..and that is just be! I've spent years following every tip out there teaching me how to gain more confidence and its always made me feel like being shy is kind of a burden and people don't like it. I've never felt like I belong so I tried to change it. But now I've finally learned on my own that being shy and being a wallflower is perfectly okay if that's who you are. Just know you're self worth. I've never felt happier since I gave up trying to be confident and now I know I'm just as lovely as everyone else. I don't let people forget about me or put me down just because I'm shy and I'm so happy with being me now (:
in terms of having low self-esteem or feelings of no purpose i always find that when im having on of those "bad days" writing a list of things i want to achieve, places i want to go things i want to do etc. helps so much. it makes me look postivley and confidently at my future. this is just for those people in the comments that are saying how they arent shy but just very self concious/have low self-esteem and this is just what helped me when i felt that way. xx
Speaking louder hasn't really worked for me, because I get less comfortable if I am forced to speak louder. I have a really quiet voice in general, so the extra effort to speak louder is actually getting in the way of what I'm trying to talk about. I liked the tip about asking questions about other people, because I don't like to be in the spotlight and I always get the question "And do you have something to add to this conservation?" or people say "You haven't said a lot, don't you have something to talk about?" and it really puts me on the spot and then I can't think of anything to talk about and get really embarrassed. What has helped me a lot is just gaining experience, if you would compare me to how I was 5 years ago is really a big difference. Also find the right friends to hang out with and where you can be yourself around has helped me become more confident to meet other people.
These are really great tips BUT you didn't mention medication which kinda makes it more stigmatized. I know no one wants to push meds on people, and you aren't a doctor, and these are your own experiences, but still. I think it's a great note to add that resorting to meds doesn't make you a weak person, or a person who is giving up, and i worry that others who have crippling anxiety think these tips can help them achieve peace of mind. It can help to s degree, but anxiety can not be related to confidence or shyness. There is a correlation between the two, but sometimes anxiety is just a feeling of constant worry which diminishes your ability to enjoy ANYTHING. I always had great confidence, but it was hard to show this to people because of the constant thoughts running through my head. Thinking about did I leave the stove on, did that person I walked by think I walked weird, etc. medication was the only thing that helped me. I tried EVERYTHING. Cognitive therapy too. Medication is ok
great tips! I was the "shy kid" growing up and have slowly became confident over the years (college definitely helped!) Whenever I walk in public I always make sure to keep my head up because it really does let other people know you have a purpose.
I've been waiting for this for ages! I always find I'm much more comfortable with close friends, so when I'm in an uncomfortable situation it always makes me feel a lot better being with my friends especially if they find it easy to talk to people👭 Thanks Sammi this really helped❤️
I have always been shy. I'm so much better now, but still kind of shy at times and more reserved. In High school it was pretty bad.. And seeing those same people again (I'm in college now so it's been a while), brings it all back. It's because they saw me as that "shy girl" and it's hard to break the mold. I do agree with your advice. It takes small steps to stop being so shy, lots of positivity, and lots of faking confidence so that others view you that way and you stop viewing yourself that way. And yes, it really sucks to be labeled as shy. As if that's all you are. To be fair, it's all they know about you.
In school, I have always been the one to be so quiet and never put up my hand to answer or speak out ..... So I think this is helping me xxxx Thank you keep up the good work xxxx
Love these videos! I used to be a really shy growing up but it's definitely something u can change if u really want to. If u have a shy friend don't be afraid of reaching out to them. Shyness can come off as aloofness but most of the time that's not the case at all. Ppl who r shy r often the kindest and friendliest ppl around. They might just need someone to initiate the conversation :)
Thank you for this, Sammi! I am not particularly shy, but I love that you're helping girls find their voice and to help them tap into their inner confidence. We all have it, it's there, some people just need help drawing it out
I always got told I was too quiet when I was younger, which is such a negative impact on me growing up and I guess in turn made me very shy or not very confident. Such a great video Sammi and I love your new hair! x
What has helped me with a few of my shy habits is, talking in the mirror or video taping myself and watching it back. This way I can watch myself and see what other ppl see.
if I'm ever feeling extra shy or not so confident I'll make a point to pick an outfit, makeup etc. that I love just to give me that little extra boost in the morning.
I can really relate to most things in this video! I recently started working full time in retail so my "shyness" has had to take a step back as I've been thrown into different things. I used to not want to talk to anyone and now I'm developing my confidence when approaching customers and making sure that I don't hunch over/close myself off all the time and instead standing up tall :) This video was really useful, as I used to always be "the shy one" in school!
