Same with me, in my geography class I sit next to this boy and my crush sits behind him and I'm just silent for the whole lesson cause there's no one to talk to, and I can't start a conversation. And even teachers ask me a question I panick and just mummble and everyone starts taking about me, everyone knows I'm the shy Lonley girl, but at home I'm like a boss I'm so load and crazy, I'm a different person at home and a different person at school. I wish I could fit in, #shy Squad
i once heard someone say “ppl aren’t thinking of that embarrassing thing u did. everyone is too busy thinking of the embarrassing things they did.” and ever since then, everytime i do smth embarrassing, i tell myself that and i kinda feel better:D
I actually thought like this too even in real embarassing moments, and like 3 years after i just realize it was actually embarassing and keep thinking about it lmao
Ikr i just say "i talk i just dont talk to you" and most of the time they stand there in silence and being awkward. Im working on being more confident. Being social was really hard and is still hard for me, but you got this and i believe you can overcome this💛
Since I'm being told that a lot especially by people who don't know me that well I can tell you that it's a pretty good set-up for you to say something funny to keep the conversation going so I really haven't had a problem with that you can try it
I know every time I’m with my mom if I do anything like say something a little bit quiet and a person goes say that again, my mom will go sorry he’s shy. And that messes with my head so much and then I feel even more self conscious about it.
istoleyachristmascookies yes,just because I don’t talk to you doesn’t mean I don’t talk,like you feel more comfortable talking around other people than the rest
How I overcame shyness. 1) No one cares if you're cool or uncool. They got themselves to care for. 2) Everyone is anxious about something and that gave me a major relief about mine. 3) Just talk your mind out. it's a burden if you didn't.
What really chokes me up is when I'm in a social situation and I feel like I'm doing really well... And then somebody calls me out for being 'too quiet.' I almost never recover from that.
Well everyone has their own opinion. and that shouldnt limit what you feel about yourself, you are bold confident and strong even in your silence. Never try to be like anyone else be you and improve on being the best of you.
What I do is make a joke around it.However way someone calls you out for being quiet, everyone’s attention diverts towards you. So take the opportunity to be funny, have a laugh about it.
I had to learn to throw wit at those kind of comments. Sometimes, depending on who said it, I would say I was absorbing all the information everyone revealing about themselves for future use and then give an arched eyebrow and an evil grin. Later when I became more confident and loud people would comment when I went quiet asking if I was okay, "yeah, I'm just being quiet to freak ya'll out." Again depended on the person who makes these comments, friends who KNOW you know it's anything they need to bring to your attention, people that mostly say these thing are saying that THEY are uncomfortable with your quietness and that's THEIR problem, not yours.
The more people who call me shy or ‘quiet’ the more I act that way. It’s really annoying cause I can’t control it. Like when I finally open up to someone and am talking, if they suddenly mention that I am talking for once and not quiet I will close up again. People always say to me -Omg you’re taking for once -The quiet girl is talking!! -wow you actually have a voice!! UGH I NEED HELP
Isabella Bedford same here I really don’t like the attention, every time I end up actually talking to someone, someone else would be like He’s actually talking
Exactly guys. I used to get people do that to me all the time. Just forget about all the people that you 'think' are judging you. It's all in your head, they perobably have better things to do lol. That's how I stopped feeling bad when people did it. On the other hand, it's not their intention to actually make you feel bad. They are probably just judgemental and ignorant. They probably judge so much that they are immune and don't realise that what they are doing is bad.
I am greatly confident with shy people. So greatly. But with confident people I shrink. What I do is I imagine anyone I am socialising with is shy. Therefore I'll feel the need to listen to them and help them feel accepted. After all, everyone fears to be judged. It's not only you, it could be the person you are planning to approach themselves.
I Thought I was the only one Lol, Tbh a lot of my friends are introverts and I become confident when I'm around them. Lmfao xD I can do a lot of craziness/wildness since they got mah bacccc ~ ^^
Wow, I am the same way. This comment just opened my eyes. I had no idea that others are like that around people too. I am going to try and convince myself to get into this mindset. Thank you.
It's actually amazing to find someone on RU-vid giving advice that doesn't feel like they're talking out of their ass and really makes you feel like you're walking away with useful information.
Tom!? Agreed. I can't tell you the amount of vacuous crap found in many educational/instructional/motivational youtube channels. Stuff like: "Tip #1: Greet people with a smile." Charisma On Demand will sometimes tell you the obvious but will also put it into context and explore the subject with more depth. I appreaciate that it analyses the mindsets behind these issues of shyness, lack of confidence and self esteem. Great channel.
coltonw83 jr. Problem with Alpha M is his videos are guaranteed to have huge waffle about sponsors, sometimes you can just tell instantly his videos were made just for his newest product plug.
I have a tip. Just don’t care what anyone thinks. When you have a thought in your head, don’t replay it over and over to make sure it’s perfect, just say it. Also, if you want to make a friend, just go for it. Who cares what they say? Who cares what they think? It’s your life. Gain confidence
I hate it when you hangout with a group of people you know but aren't really close with, and you try to join in their conversation, but you can't relate to anything they're talking about. 😔
Your end sentence is very relatable but I never hang out with a group of people . I’m around one in my bus and at school but it’s not like they had a choice to invite me
Just because you don't know how to relate, you can try to understand, and that means a lot to others. Especially if owning up to not knowing much about the subject and asking them to teach me more if it's something they enjoy talking about.
Uhh, if you try to look at it logically (probably not what you should do in this situation but I will), If you cannot join in their conversation/ talk to them, because you can't relate to anything they're talking about, that means, if they're talking about something you CAN relate, you will be able to join the conversation/ talk to them Now, how do you make them do that... Bring up the topics you relate to yourself? idk I mean, if they're hanging out with you, that must mean they should be willing to talk to you about stuff you talk about? Ugh, the fact that you aren't really close with them is making this difficult!
I wasn't shy when I was younger... but all the sudden I kinda just shut myself out. Sure I'm going through that middle school time where you feel kinda insecure, but it seems worst for me. I'm basically one of the quietest people in my grade, and that has some benefits, I don't get in trouble, but my range of friends is kinda small. There's a somewhat odd group of people that I'm kinda just nice to, but when I sit with them because they seem lonely, I act like an idiot for a hour before I tell myself, calm down.
Drew Stephenson OMG SAME. I’m just so shy. It’s hard for me to open up to anyone anymore. And the people I hang around aren’t the people I really want to hangout with. I just hang with them because I don’t want to be alone at school. Idk what happened to me. I stress because of the fact I can’t even be myself anymore💔
So, my friends dared me to introduce myself to someone randomly on the street (because I'm really socially awkward) so I walked up to this girl and said, "Hey, I've never met you, you're really pretty, I'm shy, and my friends dared me to do this. Can I get your name?" Now we're friends, and I don't know how to end this comment.
raggex X good luck! definitely can be hard to make friends if your not used to doing so. biggest part is the continuous effort to get out of whatever is holding you back, and getting out of the comfort zone into what is actually going to help you progress
humudu oh hey, you might wanna try to keep an attentive face (just keep your eyes on the person speaking even as your brain blanks out, nod a bit when the person pauses to take a breathe). like charlie says, to the degree that you can. there are certainly a lot of places where you still have to be uptight, esp work meetings. however if you can tweak and see how much you can get away with, then you can slowly adjust to the lowest level of energy state in the work meeting without getting 'caught' and use it as a reset time. or even easier is to take a toilet break and use the time to reset a bit.
I think you are missing the point...you're supposed to let yourself feel shy. So you will feel really bad for 30 seconds, because you're nervous and you have to let your body process the shyness. Once you do that, you'll naturally just feel better because you know it can't get any worse.
It works wonders every single time but be aware, in office or professional situations alcohol is quite hard to mask and can easily backfire real quick.... Don't ask me how do I know ...LOL
Wronggggg,. the comments will make you feel okay at being shy and awkward. And if your seeing this video, I don’t think that’s what you want. You can Try this, whenever you see a comment you can maybe relate to, say to yourself I can no longer relate to this comment and then don’t like the comment at all and process what just happened😌I hope this help
how to eliminate shyness for guys. 1. Tell yourself "I'm not a bitch" and go for it. Sounds simple but it works. The harder decisions in life are normally the more beneficial ones. It's easy to be lazy, easy to fantasize about what you could/would do. Harder to take action and risk failure/rejection. It is the worst to let yourself down. That's probably one thing that leads to mid life crisis is you look back like "i should of/could of done this." Fuck all that, just go for it. You will feel proud of yourself. Hope this comment helps at least one person.
+anythingnew If you're interested in shallow women - which you must be, else you'd have had more exposure generally - maybe you need to rethink things a bit.
we spend like 5 years learning about the pythagorean theorem in school when we could actually be learning useful things like this !!! i am the definition of shy. I really needed this video. Thank you
Savannah Marshmallow i’m even more shy in social situations than on stage. Like stage is the only place i get lose. It’s just that too crowded places drain my energy. And many of my friends are so comfortable in big crowds while i love to party and dance i feel the best in a less crowded area of the club yet they want to be in the Center and it drains me...in less crowded places i am still shy but i feel more comfortable...I’m a performer though
I had to act in front of my school. Most of the people were fine with it, and I was fine with it. I was expecting to get a small roll or just be a background character... but I got the lead role for some reason. I’m fine with speaking in front of people, doing speeches, things like that, but I’ve never had an important lead role. I was nervous and I literally couldn’t think that I could do it. Skip to the day of the play, I was backstage. I ran up to one of my classmates and told them that I couldn’t do it. I broke down and I got nervous. My friend told me that all I had to do was be myself and make people laugh. I couldn’t back out at the moment, so I just got on stage. Hundreds of eyes were on me, but I kept going. I said the first line... and then people laughed. I liked that my comedy and acting was making them laugh, so I kept going. Now I’m in drama club and a theater geek. I’ve been in so many plays and met so many people. Just take a chance! No matter if you’re scared or not. I took a chance and it changed my life. You should too!
weckar Remember: Everybody poops. Everyone is normal. Nobody is on a pedestal. I found this really helpful when whenever I struggle a lot with my social anxiety. It's never going to be easy, but it can be easier just to tell people you're around a lot "Hello". Just start with that. If you have social anxiety it'll make your heart pound a lot, also remember: Nervous and excited are the same emotion.
Samantha Peterson True. It's psychology. What you mentioned doing gradually reprograms your subconscious mind throughout time to adapt. Fear like excitment is a energy and if not controlled or handled properly will act out in your subconscious mind as a weakness causing insecurity lack of eye contact awkward gestures. That is your brain going into survival mode due to the lack of social contact.
BAngelZ 09 But you see, that doesn’t just help everyone. That comment can help people that are quite new to this, but resolutions don’t just happen as easy as this. For example, me.
interesting points ,if anyone else wants to discover best cure for shy bladder try Sovallo Bladder Shy Fixer ( search on google ) ? Ive heard some incredible things about it and my m8 got cool results with it.
I have a tip. Just don’t care what anyone thinks. When you have a thought in your head, don’t replay it over and over to make sure it’s perfect, just say it. Also, if you want to make a friend, just go for it. Who cares what they say? Who cares what they think? It’s your life. Gain confidence
Min Yoongi I knowww but when I do say I’m not going to replay that thought again it eventually keeps popping up in my head and it’s just so hard to talk to the people I really wanna be friends with.🙁
I never liked the word "Charisma", so the name of the Channel made me feel kind of skeptical. After watching some of the videos I can see how much helpful they are. I rarely suscribe to the Channels and quite seldom a video seems to deserve LIKE. But the channel deserves approbation. :)
There are motivational channels that give tips, tricks, and steps on how to change bits and pieces of your life but all of them explain things very vaguely, this guy makes it clear and logical. I subscribed today.
oh my goodness same.. thing is im into learning languages and this is sooo much more amplified when you struggle even being able to say simple thoughts. sometimes i just shut down and dont hardly say anything. i dont like it because it can affect others negatively, but i dont know of much else i can do
So? Listen to what other people talk about. I guarantee the conversations these people have are FAR dumber and more unimportant than the thoughts you have in your head.
I have a question: For some reason I have a problem with making eye contact, I will be having a conversation and it's all good when suddenly I completely freak out about when and how to make eye contact, as if I've forgotten how to and what's appropriate and what not. This will distract me from the conversation and I'll want to get out of it as quick as possible. I have ADD so it may have something to do with that, and I also find it happens when I'm talking to men more often than talking to women. Does anyone know how to fix this?
DelRey maybe you need to be more open with the person crack more jokes make more cheeky ones so ull feel more open with him. I used to be like this with another girl I had in class untill I got confident enough to like make some cheeky jokes (sexual or not) and now have no problem talking to her
DelRey np appreciate it if u wanna be cheeky u can look at their nose and they wont notice the difference but be natural so u dont have to think about it 😁.
When I first started in sales I was told to look the person in their right eye to show you are listening. It takes you out of your head trying to figure which one to look at lol. Once you put it in your head that this is the way things should be in conversation it becomes the norm and you don't think about it anymore you just listen.
bam, you've officially given into effortlessness, if you want to fix your problems, then you have everything you need to do so, you just don't know it if you think like that
When someone talks to me and I don’t have anything to say or relate to, so I just awkwardly laugh quietly and just stand there. Also when someone laughs behind me I always expects them to laugh at me.
i get like that too but what you have to realize is that everyone else feels like everyone is watching them too. everyone is so focused on themselves and their friends and their problems that they’re probably hardly noticing you. if they are noticing you, it’s most likely for a good reason. like when i notice someone it’s almost always because i like something about their appearance or outfit or whatever. they’re not laughing at you, believe me
pro tip: you can watch these videos all you want, but it won't do anything for you if you don't go out and practice what he says. "If you want something you've never had, you'll have to do something you've never done".
Because you don't just walk up to them hahaha. You walk up to them after you made eye contact and say something it can be nice or it can be about something you are acting like you are looking for which most likely works best since you can pick anything that you can make fun of or joke about. Doesn't have to be like what he said something you are really looking for. Example: I was a teen when I used to go to the mall just to have a social interaction with a girl. I intentionally had made eye contact but that was Obv. I then walk towards her and she tries to walk around you because I make it look like I was just gonna keep going but instead I move with her and she moves the other way then say hey can I ask you why you keep trying to cut me off? Boom it's pretty easy and always make it silly so it never feels personal and it is light hearted. That allows them to open up. Make sure something you do or say you have no emotions attached to it and that will make you not nervous about it. I always liked to make it a joke out of a normal everyday social interaction I have and she has everyday so they have some sort of connection or emotion attached to it. For instance how I did what I told you I did. Everyone walking in the mall tries to move out the way of each other so she never seen it coming but because she knows that it came from a perspective that has a emotion attached to it. I know this was long winded but explaining the WHY it works is what will make it work.
If people give a one worded response, ask questions that either draw them out or require them to elaborate. Do you remember the names on any of them? Oh great, could you tell me about the story? What was your favorite part, or what did you like about it? And then you could proceed to give your thoughts based on their responses. Or give the answer to your own question whether they ask you or not.
I imagine that they are dead corpses standing in front of my cold soul. All you have to do is shove a murder list in their faces, and make them regret ever asking or judging about you by burying their dead body when you finally found the perfect time
The problem for me is that I actually don't have anything to say .... I blank out or just stay silent.. like.. what should I say??, how do I maintain conversations.. I usually have really short conversations with strangers because I don't know what to ask ... this is a problem for because I want to do nursing as a career and *communication* is the one of the *MOST ESSENTIAL SKILLS* for this course 😢😭.. I Overthink a lot too which is soooooooo bad 😢
ONCE FOREVER Twiceuu Just show interest towards the other person once you initiate the conversation,show interest to what they say. The other person will keep it going. Only hope it wont bore you though, so be sure you have genuine interests or maybe just practice it till it becomes your second nature. People like to talk about themselves after all.
@@g.j But I try to talk with another introvert. It doesn't work because she doesn't talk, she's introvert or really shy idk but I can't speak with her because she just want to listen and I don't have anything to say
It used to bother me a lot when people say, “are you always this quiet?” or when I’m thinking I’ve been talking a lot or loud, and people say, “you are so quiet.” I’ve gotten over it. I once had a boss tell me, I need to stop being so quiet and speak up if I want to get somewhere in life. Well I’m a nurse, and my patients love me. I also have a wonderful husband and three beautiful kids. I get most of my thoughts out on my channel or through some type of social media or writing.
Somebody that took some acting classes for a while said this "Our acting coach there would make us act 1 by 1 and ask us what the person's mistakes were. Everyone would say a few different mistakes. Like how they talked quite or something. And the coach would say 'there were like a 100 mistakes there. But you only noticed a few of them because you have those mistakes too" I don't know if it's true cause I actually talk pretty loud even though I'm shy but I notice when they are talking quiet
I personally use the 123 method. Basically it's choosing to do something then counting to 3 and doing it straight away. For example Hmm, I wanna talk to that girl, in head, 1 - 2 - 3 and immediately go. This method is better than Hmm, I wanna talk to that girl, in head, omg what should I say? what if she has a boyfriend? I'm not even dressed nice. Does my breath smell ?? When you count straight to 3 and do it, theres no time for your mind to think about all the bad things that could happen, besides it's A LOT, I mean, A LOT easier to go with the flow in a conversation, since it is literally a feature we're born with. HOPE THIS HELPS YOU GUYS OUT
You're not alone my friend! I'm shy with social anxiety and socially awkward and an introvert but i'm still trying to find a solution because i have many dreams and goals and won't let that stop me!
Tired Yoongi I’m shy and awkward too, but let me tell you something. I’ve learned over the years that my awkwardness is actually my biggest virtue. It makes me special. A lot of nice, lovely people feel this way too. You don’t need to win because this doesn’t have to be a battle. And about social anxiety, it gets better. I struggled for a while with really really bad social anxiety. But I eventually grew it out once I realized how much other people say embarrassing things and feel mortified deep down.
*_Am I the only one who always gets shy around people except for friends and family... Even tho everyone in school says that "don't be shy.. Blah blah blah..." I just feel... uncomfortable around people. Its not like I hate everyone or something its just my senses are telling me to avoid doing anything embarrassing and keep it to yourself. I don't talk much at all for my voice being so "not loud" or "soft" which is entirely the reason why I get shy... Long story short I need help 😥_*
Gσldєn Sσulz just be yourself and think positive 😊you're voice is soft because you are not always talking.You get uncomfortable around people,why???because you make yourself feel uncomfortable. For example, you are performing,and there were so many people watching in you,You just need to think that those people are just like you,Eating,pooping,those people are just the same as you and same as what you do as a human.Overvome those shyness
Gσldєn Sσulz Were just in the same situation.And i hope 🙁 That my shyness will overvome one day,Do you want to knoe whats my wish??"To be confident" and i don't know how to start
If people are that dismissive, it usually means they're not interested in talking to you at that point, and you probably shouldn't try to force a conversation.
"Is there any way reason?" Leads them saying what ever reason you can discuss on If they say no no reason You bring up why it was random ' well i just saw something and that thing made me yhing about " -life, my situation, people.
Some advice for people who get nervous in social situations: stop thinking about yourself as somebody who gets nervous in social situations. When you’re talking to someone, don’t think “oh god, I’m talking to someone right now, time to panic” instead, just take a deep breath, calm yourself. The other person really doesn’t care as much as you think they do, and I bet they’re feeling self conscious too. Instead, tell yourself that you’re confident and relaxed. Become interested in what the other person is saying. Focus outward, stop trying to see yourself from the other persons eyes. Ask questions, make remarks. If you’re relaxed, questions will automatically pop into your head.
I don’t understand myself, how do I know almost everybody in my school and everybody know me but I can’t even learn how to be social and maintain these relationships 😭😭 I just feel so out of place
You feel out of place. The solution? Actually be out of place. If you feel even more out of place, go somewhere else. If you feel in place, congratulations.
Thank You Mate I don’t have social anxiety sometimes I shake when I’m scared or freaked out or can’t breathe or feel like I can’t. And I’m learning how to be more social I’m really trying I know it’s not anxiety It’s just me. This helped a lot.
Melody York Not certain about the points made but ,if anyone else wants to uncover shyness treatment try Renkarter Anxiety Method Report ( search on google ) ? Ive heard some super things about it and my mate got excellent results with it.
Chacakes my god so many people don’t get this....I know this is a old comment but it takes longer than 60 seconds to *EXPLAIN* it but yes you’re able to do it in 60 seconds...ffs
aziz adventures Sounds incredibly emotionally effective however; compellingly psychotic. Cant see prolonged success outside of the truly mental. Perhaps understanding exactly what you mean is enuf to classify me as mental AF but that actually makes sense
i remember i saw this documentary about a guy that took shyness to the next level, like he got to the point where he couldnt even talk to his family. he had this psychologist helping him get over it, and one thing she had him do is walk a banana in public. i felt like i could take something from that, cause most of the time im afraid im gunna make a total fool of myself in social situations. i feel like everytime you do a little screw up, its just enough to keep you fearfull, what you really gotta do is fuck up so bad that afterwards your like, man, i dont think i could do something that bad even if i tried to recreate it, it almost desensitizes you in a way. i mean you could totally go and walk a banana down the street and i think it would help a shy person immensely. idk if i could do that hah, even tho i know it would help me. you know people would be telling the story of the man they saw walking a banana for ages
@@Sindruzzzz you would just become the town oddball who everyone whispers about which will then make you feel like a depressed reject who's only friend is a bruised banana.
That's kind of the thing. I'm shy, but I also don't really like casually talking to people in environments with a lot of people. Basically this is all just to push myself to do something I hate doing.
No dude, it's not extrovert, if you don't have social anxiety doesn't mean you're extrovert. I'm extrovert i know that, but i still have social anxiety, so social anxiety is something you can terminate, i know you can
I don't want to small talk with people I don't know, without sounding rude, some times I just don't care enough to talk to some people, I'm quite a lot of the time, and only talk when it's about something i have good input about, I don't believe in just talking for the sake of it, but when I do talk about things, it's really coming from somewhere of truth and something I have really thought about and has meaning and that way I'm really being me, not just talking because socially I feel like I should, but this is just how I feel, but as you said in the video, i think for people that want to be more open.
Same. Many have said to me that, when I speak, everyone feels like that my opinion means serious business just because I won't flap my mouth around all the time like a lot of people.
