It's diabolical what they get up too. I didn't understand these were patterns, I knew that it went around in a horrible cycle. It's hard when you're busy and oblivious to these schemes and it really is mental. Omg get out, while you still have energy, they will grind you to a pulp. Don't try and understand it, try to please them, or change them. Get out, and fast.
I am so happy that you have these informational blogs. I wasted my ENTIRE life with one of these selfish bastards and their crappy family. So sad. You don't have to do this. RUN!!! No matter how scared you are. RUN!!!
The isolation is done so covertly. We moved 12 hours away from my hometown. For the first few months after we moved he was still on his best behavior. We then moved to an acreage away from town and that was when the real abuse started. I've blocked a lot of the abuse out from the 3 years we lived there. It comes back in bits and pieces. An example is he said let's sit down and write down what we need from each other. I thought he was being attentive to our marriage. What he was doing was getting me to bend over backwards to give him what he wanted then telling me I wasn't doing enough so I would try harder, repeat cycle. He always had a list of what I needed so he could use it to hoover me and neglect me simultaneously to create a trauma bond. I'm free after 20 years of imprisonment. I'm thankful for your videos that are practical, realistic, and the intent is to help me move on.
This sounds exactly like my husband he’s also narcissistic I would do everything he would tell me to do and more and I still didn’t do or wasn’t doing enough for him ..he doesn’t do anything for me he works and thinks cus he’s financially supporting me and our 3 kids he thinks that’s enough ..i want out of this marriage and it’s very hard to do cus he threatens to take away our kids from me when my kids don’t wanna be with him they know exactly how he is ..I feel like I’m constantly in a brain fog I can’t get out of bed sometimes I’m so exhausted I need to be able to take care of my kids please pray for me that I may be able to get out of this mess I got myself into
Thanks - I had a long relationship that was completely superficial. I only realise now that sharing who he really is with me is him 'giving away' his power
@@sarahreyes2558 - that's right where he wants you to be: hopeless & helpless. Don't let him win... & look at the exame you're teaching your children. Get up, get a job. You need to plan to be financially independent. Accept your lifestyle will change to the detriment - but your self, your sanity & your children will be free & happy. You're not living, you're existing, as you know. Can you see a therapist who is experienced with many types of Narcassism? If not, keep learning on RU-vid. Richard is very good and also: Dr. Les Carter 'Surviving Narcassism' & Dr. Ramani. Free help. Take it. Good luck to you... I've walked this walk & am getting close to walking out! Very excited about that. Do not let anyone know of your plans.
I don't think all Narcissists were abused or have PTSD or CPTSD. Some were spoiled rotten and because they never grow up, they're like children pretending to be adults.
The abuse can be as babies and/or pre-verbal so that they don't even know themselves. I also think as per other comment that demonic possession is appealing to them because they are empty inside and possession gives them the power they crave over others. I think it's both.
Dear Richard. You helped save my life. ( I mean that quite literally) it’s been over 6 months since I left with just the clothes on my back and it was your amazing videos that helped me more than any other information on the web and you tube. I found your wisdom and truths connected with me deeply and I learnt to meditate on what You imparted and I learnt to be mindful and detached as a coping mechanism. For over two years I played the long game of chess and fought my 1000 plus battles and I won. You make a difference and you helped me more than you will ever know. Thank you from my heart.
Not only dealt with a truly narcissistic ex husband who did all these things to me, but I've realized now that I was raised by narcissists also. It's quite a scary yet validating realization.
Thank you! This just verfied my suspicion; that the narcissist/psychopath ex staged his leaving just to see me break, and come back as if he did me a favour. I always had that feeling.. He's out for good now, and I'm still trying to heal, four yrs later. It's funny that one sometimes tend to forget all the bad because the good was so good and that's why watching your videos and listening to you is so important. To get reminded that it was all a lie.
Great reminder of what's going on!! I'm at a point where I've set my boundaries with the narcissist. Now he's being super nice to me. I can feel this pull on my heart to slip back into old patterns. I have to keep telling myself that he is NOT a kind, loving person. Every action is designed to bring me back under control. That's scary shit.
This is brilliant, especially your advice at the end. If we are disciplined about recovery from a narcissist then most definitely we can thrive afterwards. I have survived a lifetime of their grooming ect but thanks to you Richard and your course, I’m well and truely thriving emotionally. It was a painful journey but boy.... it feels good to be free.
Ritchie, your very best video. You were a model of Zen throughout. It was so much easier to process your message with this layout. I appreciate you and thank you for helping us victims of narcissistic abuse. Mo
Both very interesting ways to look at it and both accurate from a balanced, Universal dichotomy sense. From a micro perspective, what I believe is we just need to continue to communicate with one another openly and honestly since communication is always key to everything. We are all social beings at the end of the day no matter if some of us retreat temporarily to heal or whatever... totally going on a tangent here okay let me digress. I think it's being done to separate because they know the family structure, for the most part, is broken. Stick family members under the same roof for days on end, most of them will probably be doing their own thing.
the isolation is achieved principally by the saturation media. They control the narrative and thus isolate you from other perspectives. The media is an echo chamber. A constant din and ringing that will eventually cause you to lose your mind. Likewise the control of 'history' and the enforcement of certain perspectives, beliefs and narratives. Gas lighting on a epic scale. i believe it's known as 'the big lie'.
This is some seriously nasty stuff. Almost like a demon is in control. If this isn't oppression I don't know what is. An important question we should be asking is how do these people all learn the same techniques? It's not like they read a book or go to the same seminar. It's very creepy.
Step by step this is absolutely true. It happened to me....twice! The second time I had read about narcissistic behaviour so saw the red flags and still fell for it! The thing is, the steps can be so subtle. I’ve been counselled to listen to my gut feelings. My gut kept saying “there’s something not right here” but my head kept saying “ don’t be daft, who would behave like that, it’s nuts, you must be mistaken, it’s you being too sensitive again”. Please, please, please watch this video and if you think you’re in the cycle believe in yourself and run for the hills! You are NOT too sensitive. These people are nuts!!!! Lots of love xxxx
This was the best one ever. Very concise. Sometimes I feel as if my ex-husband took classes in how to succeed at being a narcissist. With him, every box is checked. I divorced him just a little over a year ago, but I've only been free for a couple of months because of the emotional hold I allowed him to have on me. Sometimes I still feel like he's nipping at my heels. I have to have just a bit more contact with him because he has to fulfill an obligation. I've reached the point of pitying the little boy he was for what he endured, but I know that to show him pity would be to allow him back into my brain. A monster was created, and he can't be saved. I survived and am going to continue to thrive. Thank you Mr. Grannon for all of your help in getting me to where I am today.
I find it fascinating that they all have same traits like they were clones. This is perfect description of the coward that I was with. I am mourning him like he died and trying to move on.
I never knew this was an actual illness and had a name. They are all the same! Never ever feel bad for the little boy or what they endured. They purposely and strategically terrorize us and take pleasure. I got out but after 20 years! I felt broken, weak and completely helpless even though I live in a country with all the resources and huge family support, yet I felt helpless. I lost my mind and required meds. Now I know why Hell was created and for what purpose. 🙏🏻
Clear, useful teaching with excellent editing. The horror of the abuse can transform the survivor into an experienced warrior. Keep breathing in the sunlight Fundamentally all is well. All is well with my soul. Zizeck says we must develop a spiritual perspective ... the alternative is simply not an option.
Not all narcissists discard, if the victim can no longer bear the abuse, or the parental protective instinct comes to the fore and they no longer want to put their kids in danger, they discard or escape from the narcissist, the narcissist then loses narcissistic supply and is at serious risk of suicide. Some, many do succeed, this is a last abuse, a last expression of control, I am going to control you by trying to make you feel guilty about "causing my suicide". Just look online how many (particularly physically violent) narcissists commmit suicide when the victim wakes up to reality and escapes.
I'm 37 and I litteraly got wet eyes, when you were talking about the discard. Such a horrible thing to do to someone with open heart towards them. And they go unpunished to another victim, cruel. 6 months of NC, every day is a struggle, but videos like this helps a lot, thanks for that!!
My wife of 12 years has just hit me with I want a divorce I’m not happy.. blames me for everything nothing is her fault everything is about her it’s all me me me me she has no empathy for anyone at all she’s chucked me away like a used tissue she’s walking round like she’s on cloud 9 while my heads all over world turned upside down it’s unbelievable she isn’t even grieving that our marriage is over
PLEASE DO A VIDEO FOR THE ADULT KIDS WHO WERE TRIANGULATED AGAINST EACH OTHER GROWING UP. One was the Golden Child other was the scapegoat. There are a lot of things out there on scapegoat, BUT not much to help the Golden child understand the indirect ways they were abused and identity erased and now living in depression and frozen fear. 🌸🌸🌸🌸🌸
I'm a former golden, now black sheep--I think the golden child buys into the messed-up family culture more than the scapegoat does. The scapegoat is quicker to realize something is wrong. But I remember I wasn't inwardly exulting about getting straight As in school, I was getting good grades primarily out of fear, to avoid being raged on. I think my younger sibling, who was the scapegoat, thought that I was enjoying my favored status much more than I actually was. Inwardly I often felt as lonely, afraid, and disliked by my mother as he did.
I would love to see lots more triangulation for sure! I know my mom did that to us for sure even though she denies it. This is something I have not seen much of that people really need to hear more about!
Exactly great video! The victim needs to not react and know when to call their bluff... never let anyone control how you react to a situation. Like he said stay calm, be zen. Sometimes saying nothing, will tend to say more than someone that is looking for a reaction out of you. You can only stay in control and one step ahead of a narcissist if you stay calm and not react. Works like a charm! Trust me I have had years of experience and learned this on my own. People in general especially narcissist love to get a reaction out of you... if they don’t get a reaction it throws them off.. basically leaving them lost and nervous to what their next move will be. Always keep in mind the reason why most people act or react the way they do is for protection or a defense mechanism or out of insecurity or fear. This can help you understand why someone is treating you a certain way. Sometimes it’s a learned behavior or how they can control a situation or a person. Much like bullies .. most bullies come from a physical or abusive home life. Again great video!
Thank you. This video is so straight forward. The narcissist injury I caused my ex was very early in our marriage and the narcissist rage is what caused me to research what I was dealing with. We escalated to the revenge part very quickly and had been stuck here for the majority of this short marriage. So didn’t get too attached and was enough for me to want out immediately I realize he NPD. I was immediately turned off and demanded a change or else I wanted out. I’m an Empath but with a lot of self worth and strong faith. My zen and resistance drives him crazy. This has caused an intense power struggle. Was so happy when he finally reached the “Brutal Discard.” I actually welcomed this, flipped the script and went No Contact. It’s been 1 month. He just started hovering. He lives in another country so easy to ignore and avoid him. He likes to torture me further because he can’t control the situation. The strategy Richard explains was my saving grace and it works. Fortunately for me I applied it early on. Countdown to divorce.
Oh Richard! You’ve always helped me understand this disorder, but this video was especially perfectly laid out. My ex husband did all of this, in this exact order and to the extreme. He never broke me, not in the way he wanted to (suicide), but he did more damage than I’ll ever recover from. But nonetheless, I’m so grateful for the education you’ve give me. Really good work. Thank you so much!
Recover is a bad term. When you have a stomach virus that can dehydrate you in hours or better yet, I had food poisoning. lost all for a couple of hours then slept for 3 days and no I didn't go to the hospital but should have, anyway...sorry. That is recovery. You have not changed. We need to come up with a term that means scarred healing and GROWTH, how about maturity??? We were uncut DIAMONDS! (blue is my preference, wink) The shaping of who we are is supposed to be gradual with small ups and downs. Little chips off or grinding, but when we start out right after birth with hurricane then drought, hurricane then drought, we kind of get messed up (speaking of all cluster B's). Thriving is the goal, beautifully shining and glimmering with light, but hard as...a diamond. Stay vigilant, but be at peace inside with who you will become. Go to spartanLifeCoach (richard's site) and learn how to become the diamond you want to be. Peace!
Oh wow, it's weird to hear someone else say the suicide thing. People on the outside don't understand it, kind of act like it can't be real or is just an exaggeration. It's a f*cked up experience eh, big hugs xo
Thanks so much. I love what you said. Very wise! I’m really grateful for Richard. Been following him for about 4 years. I even got to meet him in California last June.
I find this so interesting and true! I’ve had ex partners, a “friend” and I once had a boss at work with this type of personality, they really do carry out most if not all of these tactics! They completely mess with your head! I’m so glad I’ve found these videos explaining it all, thank you for uploading!
The ONLY vid a person needs to see abt this subject- I never had heard of the "mock execution" concept (other than described merely as another devaluation...anyone that has had the fake-break used on them to be punished for the most trivial of imaginary infractions will understand the difference) despite having watched so many of these videos early on in the process- you have a knack for seeing things others just don't- that was always one part I never felt completely clear on until now-this video is 100 percent dead on! It's good to revisit this topic (only every once in a while for me personally at this stage) to see just how much progress has been made over time, esp w your C- PTSD work and introducing us to Pete Walker's resources...things are SO clear now, from every which way, when there was a time not knowing up from down. For me-to watch this and understand so clearly what occured without any triggers, without any anger even- and no emotion other than being proud of rebuilding myself into a better person than I ever was before despite every one of these toxic stages of insanity (and more importantly not bypassing the hard work to ensure that there would not be a part 2 with another one of these types) feels nothing short of a miracle...to arrive at a place with a new, healthy sense of self with BOUNDARIES and RESPECT for the self is something I have for the first time in life...so much is because of the info and content you have put out there RG so thank you! What perfect timing and a great ending with one of my favorite quotes...keep up the amazing work! PS: I loved the editing and the slightly creepy circus type music at the end..just perfect as we no longer have any desire or hope that these clowns can be any other way. Best video yet on this subject matter and a great one to watch every so often to see how far removed one is from something that once seemed so debilitating and all-encompassing. That chapter of the book feels closed and it is NOT MY REALITY ANYMORE! Stay safe my friends... 😀 Now time to get back to the business of life 😀
This is another perfect analysis. You are the MAN! The bit I've really struggled with for many years is the need to go submissive when the stonewalling kicks in. It's physical pain and the most distressing experience. He had as many types of silence as the Eskimos have types of snow. It was incredible what fear he instilled in me. It's made me really fearful to any form of silence in other relationships. It's a proper ptsd trigger for me now.
@@louloukate guilty! I tried many times over the 32 years to get him to understand how bad it was for me. Omg 😂 in hindsight it's like looking back at maybe trying to get a child to go to bed. Only I'm not sure who's the child and who's the adult??? I can't tell you how many times I said, "The silent treatment just doesn't work for me". "Please don't shut down and not talk to me." "I hate it when you won't talk." I was such good fuel for him. Years and years of filtered, high octane, refined, fuel! Insanity when you look back.
@@robinrevell5873 it's do wierd how we can see it once we out if it but they have this power at the time. It's hard "waking up" but I truly hope you are OK and building a stronger life without it. One thing Ive been amazed at is I can now spot a narc at 100 paces whatever the environment or context. It's given me trust issues but I'm stronger and more selective about relationships of every kind. I've found I can walk away if necessary. I rush you all the best and it's so validating to have you understand. Isolation and thinking it was *just me* was another thing he was so accomplished at. Xx
Richard, this is the best of the best explanations of what we live through in a narcissistic relationship. One of the issues I battled so long with, was and still is the closure. I had no trouble with the "Escape" part. However the aftermath has been the hardest. The 'shadow of the life' and the elements that were there keep popping up just like weeds. The triggers of remembrance still come and I can still feel the loss of a part of me and I just talk to that part and thank it for being so brave to leave and for getting a chance to have a different life. It produces a soothing for me , but that break in my life seems to be permanent, which it is. Your lectures truly help me and others with the damage to life that gets created by a Narcissistic relationship. Some times damage requires a crutch for a long time to keep balance in life and you do and have provided me with that. Thank you so much for all that you. You are truly appreciated.
Yep. First co-dependent two years I endured the BS merry-go-round, until I woke, the feck, UP! Realised this person DID NOT have my best interests at heart, indeed, they actively wished me harm, and that if I wanted to survive, thrive and eventually get myself free, I had to start playing a much cleverer tactical game. It's been four years now, and the tables have resolutely turned. Sam Vaknin is right, these feckers CAN be trained, but, you will lose part of your soul in the process. My life remains challenging, but manageable, underpinned, always, by a pack my bags and walk out of the door exit strategy if push comes to shove. What I know about myself now is that I am most certainly a powerful, resilient, and resourceful person. Him? Not so much.
Was thinking that it would be good to use for practicing the emotional flashback skills. Mine have really shortened. The self hypno podcast is wonderful. Still cry in sorrow and mourning for present day losses but that is very short and if not alone I put it off.
I'm going to paraphrase something you said. "Feeling the need to apologize to them (your narcissistic abuser) for having to inflict emotional torture upon you followed by a desire to protect them. This is one of the most traumatizing and humiliating parts of healing from the PTSD that has resulted." When you said that I fully realized this truth and know I was mentally, emotionally, and physically abused by this person. Thank you.
YES. Yes, thank you. I feel this crazy need like I need to protect all the horrible things he has done to my friends and to me as well, accepting that someone abused you is so hard to accept.
This is what I've experienced recently and actually probably the last 3 relationships I have had. This video has hit the nail on the head for me so much! Thanks pal.
Being slightly over the hill with this stuff, I would say; detatch emotionally from that situation, yes, but do not get detatched from your emotions completely! This is something that fucked with me, being a caring person, and then coming to think that maybe I shouldn’t be caring, cause that makes me exploitable and weak.. “trust no one, don’t be nice to people, take advantage of them before they take advantage of you” were thoughts that crept into my head.. I think a lot of people react that way and develop toxic narcissistic traits themselves, and a bleak worldview of power struggles, as presented in the video. You may be blinded right now by that flashgrenade that just blew up in front of your face and only see this stuff everywhere, so try to focus on the other caring people in your life and on genuine, caring, nontoxic powerful people that you can look up to and take as role models.. Note that these role models will probably show assholish behavior as well sometimes, but usually they are just trying to stand up for themselves and their goals, as opposed to trying to put other people down. Also, standing straight for your beliefs, values, goals and wishes, and sometimes not pleasing other people and maybe stepping on some toes because of that, is absolutely ok and sometimes even necessary! You know that your end-goal is a happier life for you and the world, and not total submission of other people! And to that first noble end-goal, some lines may need to be stepped over occasionally, and your boundaries need to be under your control, meaning; you control who can do what with you and how much you let them into your world. Also there is research showing that narcissists tend to lose in the long run, what with all the bridge-burning behavior. They usually won’t be happy (unless they are psychopathic maybe) and you won’t be happy as well, if you try to go down that path. Happiness comes first, then comes success in career and life, not the other way around! So learning to love oneself without any conditions attached, is the first and most important step. Still working on that one myself, so just keep at it 👌
It's good to embrace our "shadow" side. There is no way in hell that I could ever develop narcissistic tendencies that'd be harmful to others. I just don't have that in me; it goes deeper than just being traumatized into lifetime co-dependency. However, the love and light philosophy definitely played a role in my tendency to attract one narc after another. I like a worrier approach that's in Rich's videos and learning to stand up for myself from a non-reactive place.
He soon began working out of town 15 hrs a day... he's an electrician. When he got home he would keep asking me where I was with anger and that I do stuff behind his back. " where did I get the pants I have on? Who bought them for me? Things that weren't even on subject. Until I wanted to show my faithfulness so much that I didn't do anything. I didn't even have a phone at the time.
mine once said to me 'we are each others problem but also each others solution'. I've been struggling with that statement for ages and can remember being upset when he said it and questioning him. I think he must have been fully aware of what he was doing even though I wasn't. I didn't see him as my problem. Guess I was in the devaluing stage at that point. Being seen as someones problem is problematic for me, I never want to be somewhere I'm not wanted, it also made me question myself, think that maybe I was a problem and I should do better, try harder, it made me feel like I was a burden. I'm still slightly conflicted because the things he did did help me in some ways, they were big things for me, although not for him. He did make a lot of effort though to start, they need you so badly they tell you they will do anything for you (the things that matter to you would be in time though, of course). Nothing he did was worth the mental and physical scars. They come wrapped in gifts, with hearts and unicorns flying around them but behind all the gifts and flying objects are nasty, cruel monsters. If something seems too good to be true, trust your instincts.
Hopefully I can get my sister to watch this. She's in a relationship with a Narcissist, I'm seriously worried if she doesn't get out soon she'll end up dead. Either by her own hand or his because now that she's starting to see it and fight back he's getting very unpredictable and scary.
My advice, such as it is, as someone that has been there, do not 'fight back', do not change behavior, just prepare to leave, and then get out as soon as you are able. Do not show strength.
My only sin was I spoke up He called the cops on me and blame shifted After all that he says why don't you kill your self reapeatly Those clips feel like the story of my life I feel Disappointed wuth my self how could I allow some one to treat me like this Still healing
My narcissistic ex idealisation Devaluation ... didn't like my friends Constantly lied gaslit despite affairs Often ignored/left me our of the blue Ghosting Caused/ rescued from pain where I practically broke down Left hanging regards any resolutions Angry Stonewalling Acted like I was the crazy one with others Discarded ignoring texts conversations etc taking ZERO responsibility for abusing me I'm now in trauma counselling I'm going no contact
Denial is such a strong and effective defence mechanism. Almost imperceptible but locks down the bad stuff with such strength. Am only now beginning to ' feel' the presence of it as I slip out of the narcissists dream / nightmare and denial is also withdrawing according to need. Denial kept me from breaking down, kept a lot of the pain at bay. It was both a curse and a gift. Human mind is truly amazing. I put myself in their shoes; why would I be like this? Overwhelming need to feel significant and powerful. So overwhelming that it over rides and blocks out all other human emotions. Narc state is a halfling state.full adult humanhood has not been achieved. Have been looking into it for a year but see that I'm Only now truly beginning to under stand ; anger is not necessary.. it doesn't make sense, it really is NOT personal! Stay away or play with them but can't be sincere- like you said. Because that makes no sense either.
Well at least most people didn't believe the smear campaign. Also, I'm proud of myself how I understood when I was being discarded, what was happening although I didn't know about Nrc abuse at the time. Narc was shocked each time I spoke up. After being so submissive for years, I actually was able to insult the Narc. Also told one of Narc's secrets in court. Narc was astounded. It really was by the grace of God. It was very hard and took watching alot of these vlogs for me to shake my loyalty to the Narc.
People like you are going to put 'Trump derangement syndrome' in the DSM. Give it a rest with the political propaganda on a psychology support channel.
My ex was a malignant self righteous narcissist and he isolated me in the middle of nowhere in the mountains. It's was torturous. I was diagnosed with BPD for the first time, but he was the only human being that I saw and interacted with. I wouldn't go outside. I was going insane
Still amazes me how things turned out and how blind I was. It's hard to accept. After a year of no contact I still think of her but I does get better, understanding what happened is so helpful. Thanks Richard. Another thing: Are you intending to come the Netherlands (Amsterdam) once? I'd like to shake hands and say thanks ;)
It's crazy man. I've been no contact for about a week, it would have been longer than that if she hadn't had reached out to me via text to assault me verbally and accuse me of things I wasn't doing out of the blue... of course I responded and even asked if she was ok with this whole covid-19 thing. No response from her so yeah. I do miss her though every comment I read and every video I see, just serves to remind me that even though it hurts, the alternative would have been much worse in the long run. glad you're doing better after one year. Can't wait to make it that far.
Richard, you forgot to mention the narcissist's extend of moving quickly into the safe space of the target. The universal "to good to be true" message of the target's subconscious mind. Great analysis of the abuse. The boiling frog.
Jesus Christ! This fits. My ex told me "I want to break down your walls completely" And he managed. I have been on antidepressants for 22 years and became a mental case, loosing all my selfesteem. 2 years ago he was murdered and I just realised I could have lost a hell of alot more than just my selfesteem, I could have lost my entire sanity! Thank you, Richard for this realisation. THANK YOU.
Thank you for the explanations of life's experiences and journey in the realm of narcissistic abuse - providing the presentation of awareness and understanding . Your messages have been a catalyst for my awakening. Namaste and love.
My husband discarded me when I was 8 month pregnant...i didn't stop crying... talking with my unborn child, saying how much i am sorry that's the reality outside... now we are no longer together.. hopefully soon we will be divorce, he makes it very hard... love my baby boy, he is my power, my sunshine ✨
What a dirt bag he is. Sociopath. Stay away from Him!! Keep your child away From him - he will hurt the child. If you can move far Far away. Join a church good Support system for you and Baby. Your baby loves you. You are her/ his world. Prayers For a good loving future for You and your child. Pray darling. Read your Bible Each day for strength, courage, happiness.
@@marshamcdonald1475 thank you very much for your support and good words❣️ I'm staying at my mom's house (not in the same town) thank god i saw his real face, he also cheated me..he his a Lupus in Lamb's skin. I pray my baby boy will be safe from his bad ways 🙌💖✨
Morgan: so many of us have Been affected by this epidemic of Narcs. Thank God you and baby are now Safe. PleAse listen to on UTube : R. C. Blake’s Queenology! What a queen Looks for in Mate/King. Vivian McGrath, Begood4000 Narc Survivor-- plus Others on you tube. So many more excellent Psychologist, therapist On You Tube now. Thank God above for everyone of Them!!! Study their messages, Content, . Also it wasn’t Your fault, do things for Yourself, take care of yourself, Practice self ❤️ love. Pray For yourself, baby and your Parents. Know that God has Better plans for your life. R.C. Blake’s listen to All his videos. Lessons For Women . God Bless You.
The thing I am struggling with the most is identifying the love bombing. My ex...he was never overly complimentary or affectionate, but he did talk about marriage, moving in, buying a house...wanting to have kids with me. That's future faking. I really felt as if he was bread crumbing me the entire time. Does that still fall under love bombing? It hurt so bad when he started stonewalling me or telling me we could only talk on his terms. I was in a cloud of confusion the entire last month of it.
watching this video and trying to process and understand all of this within the context of romantic relationships, and I'm so so so confused: 1 - what do looks have to do with romantic relationships and intimacy? 2 - why have I never been in a relationship? (what about me?) 3 - do men just want a "hot" girl? 4 - men seem only to talk about girls in these terms: hot or not etc. 5 - family always telling me to dress up, do hair, wear make up etc. 6 - but they are all around me, everywhere, it's all I see: dreadfully ugly/unattractive people in terrific relationships... 7 - but what about old people? they're just old. they don't GIVE A FUCK about looks. 8 - then why can't I attract a man? 9 - men don't see me; it's like I don't exist: I'm just a fat frumpty-dumpty sexless old person in their eyes. 10 - I could make a list that could fill a billion books of ugly unattractive people in sexual romantic relationships... 11 - my cousin, for example: old fat ugly (as fuck!) and married...
This video was made Exactly the same time I started living with a guy like this. He is evil...I'm rn in a struggle its life or death, I've lost my will to eat let alone live. I even turned to drugs to cope and he has his brother and friends helping with the last few steps of my breaking, making me look like I am crazy, destroy my sense of reality and my rep as logical or honest..he is using my malnourishment symptoms from not eating to his advantage and even had me convinced my malnourishment was making me hear people say things or look at me wrong when they really were..today I'm struggling because his mom is trying to unfold the truth and I'm scared that the numbers he has behind him and his being her son will weigh out the chances of the truth being obscured and he may win his sick game..if god exists please god help me😭 I have no family and noone to help me. He has me isolated, told some of his friends that I am crazy, dont like them, or am jealous of them so that they wont help nor back me. Idk what to do, my anorexia had caused me renal failure and other issues and I almost died 😔 I've got nowhere to go, and with this covid-19 pandemic I'm afraid resources are limited for my salvation. I'm going to die if I cant get help or if he isnt found out and truth isnt brought to light. Please pray for me 😭😔
Not sure I was ready for the women screaming... it bothered me. However, I realize seeing this remix that I am more comfortable with life in general and far more removed from the situations than when I first saw it after having just broken my bond. Realizing how far I have come feels really great.
Wow. And they play victim beautifully. What nasty creatures they are .Although luckily their reputation precedes them ... anyone who knows them well or has been in a relationship with them know exactly what they are . The lies and addictions and thieving and cheating from them are astounding. Let them be someone else’s problem... they can’t last in relationships for long . The mask always drops.
So is there a "Narcissist's Playbook" circulating around, or are all the tactics and stages that you put victims through just innate, fully-formed functions in a narcs brain? I find it creepy as shit that some of the same tactics for breaking someone through torture exist in written form in organizations such as the military, CIA, books like "The Art of War". But not all narcissists have read those books or served in the military. How do they know how to do it then? Did their parents teach them by submitting them through each process as children and they're just repeating learned behavior? Or is there something lurking in the narcissist's subconscious that guides them on, a natural ability to torture, abuse, and maim? Before I watched this video, if you'd told me to go out and break someone I wouldn't have even known where to begin. My mind does not work in that way at all. It terrifies me that other people's brains just might be able to naturally. Can we just make them all wear a red letter "N"s and be done with it? I'm scared.
Wow, mock execution. OMG. Well, it worked, I'm still with him but he is just realizing now that although I stayed, he is not really getting what he hoped for from me. Too bad
Trauma bonding: I thought that this happens when they offer you all the love one second and then withhold it the next, with no rhyme or reason. And this can take many forms. Some narcs, if they feel they can get away with it, will even make their victim believe it's their fault. And / or subsequently gaslight them during the ensuing period. Or they play the victim, leaving no other room for 'reconciliation' than the victim actually making them a cup of tea. And I thought that what happens, is that all the chemicals inside the brain can't deal with the sudden fall in feel good stuff. So the victim gets 'hooked' and wants the next hit of Serotonin etc. I thought it was a prelude to the structural 'bread crumbing' and intermittent reinforcement. That is 'allowed' because the victim is already trauma bonded, meaning they have created that dependency to them. Where a healthy person would either take responsibility for this hurt, or even attempt to protect the other from their whims, the narc will actually exploit this vulnerability and use your own need for love against you. In truth, I think that's why there's such a strong indication why N. target people who have their own issues with self-love etc. And I believe that this strategy is one of the reasons why the N. should be diagnosed as a malignant psychopath from the get go.
I'm practically dead may as well be... anxiety out the roof watching this... I've lost everything gained nothing. I'm so angry. How the hell can you detach emotionally when all I want to do is send him this video and scream at him you've been caught!!! 23 years of abuse years of different tactics and levels of shading the truth oh I've clearly explained how I do not feel like I am my own person anymore how I feel like I have lost my ability to function normally. I cant even imagine a normal life anymore. I feel like I have literally become that, what do they call them, casualty of circumstance.
Love your videos and love your parabel with the milk shake - yes - the milk shake they steal and drink from you is your life power. I dident realise that the love bombing it selve is allready the abuse.
Great explanation of your experience? I saw the Narcist within 3 months. The very first night I slept with him, he whispered that, he loved me. I made him feel so safe. But, I thought it stemed from his emotional detachment style with his family. He played the victim, but I saw his idenity change through the patters.of behavior. He had no idenity. He had no intimacy, he had coonterdependecy, ect.... I was a special needs NANNY, and a mental health facilitator, so 7 months on and 7 months off wasnt a great deal of my time to loose with him. I played with all the patterns in the third time I took him back, and it was so fun seeing his mask come off and when I showed no emotion oi an r 4e asponces, he disappeared. I'm a gost to him now. Pr9blem is that he lives a minute away. But because I pay no attention to his presence, he doesn't even objectify my being. Well done.
I'm going to try going no contact, with all my family members. loneliness and judgment of my caricature by the people they smear campaign with. how do you break someone you beat them to the inch of their life then you fix and med their wounds. they will be so thankful you fixed them they forget you broke them. being a truth-teller and emotionally charged person i can be made look like im crazy for no good reason with just one look from my mother. my heart is my weakness I wish to be a good excepted person and will do anything to prove my truly good intentions and show the whole truth. it's never good enough and almost pushes me to destroy my own life.
Scary battle .that's what happened to me from the day one of my marriage .still I'm inside the battle .he lock me down .because I have kids .detaching is the most impt so you can see him on top like an eagle.
Everything done in darkness comes to light one day. A narcissist will intentionally hurt others. They take pleasure in unrighteousness. They have no remorse or guilt in doing so. Then once the breakup occurs. The narc will demonize the victim of the evil with lies. While the abused will demonize the abuser with truth.
How about when a victim of a fragile narcissist asks stuff from their friends or family. Then the narcissist says "oh they are crazy to ask that or bring it up." It is bad for the victim of the fragile narcissist to state their bad behavior. It looks like to their friends and family its a smear campaign. When its truth.
You are spot on! My Narc/psychopathic brother has been seeking revenge on me for the past four years, (since my Mom passed away) for no good reason other then I wouldn’t conform to his malicious plan of vengeance against my older Covert/Narc sister. I’m in my 50’s and have always lead a very quiet life. My 71 year old psychotic brother convinced the fraud division police that I had done unspeakable things to my beloved mother (who was my everything!)... and got them to actually arrest me last year. I was held in a filthy jail cell for over 8 hours, I got fingerprinted, Interrogated and of course mugshots. The police treated me like a common criminal! I had to hire a top criminal lawyer and paid thousands to get the false charges dismissed and my arrest records expunged (but are they ever erased? and my memories of that horror? He got no repercussions or suffered any consequences for his malicious lies/actions because he has managed to secure influential flying monkeys. To further my nightmare, as he was like a rabid animal after finding out the false criminal charges were dismissed... he started a Civil lawsuit against my Mom’s Estate, me personally and my Narc sister. It’s never ending. I’ve been paying lawyer’s $600.00 per hour, for “hundreds” of hours. Emptied my bank account. I have no more to give. I’ll be without council after the last of this current retainer is gone. All because a Narc/Psychopath sibling has managed to con his way into an older billionaire widow’s life, that has friends in high places! I’m keeping strong. He wants to break me, but I won’t be broken! Thanks for your vids. They help a lot!
@@hannahbanana2224 oh wow! Thanks for the love. 2 years later he’s still going strong. I have a discovery in Nov. with his high powered attorney’s. I’ve spent over $80,000.00 on lawyers that didn’t do a thing to stop the madness, so I had no choice but to fire them. I’m going it alone. I wish his lawyer’s would tell him his gig is up. There’s no way they believe all the hundreds of out and out lies. However lawyers get paid $600.00 an hour, so they will even represent evil narcissist b*astards! Thanks for checking in. I appreciate it so much. How is your situation? I hope yours is better and gone! Warmest hugs to you.
@@ChefsKiss- Thank you for the update! Sorry to hear things have not improved, however I am glad to see you're planning to represent yourself. Every person I know who has needed a lawyer has somehow been screwed by them. They're all in this club, in this corrupt legal system, and we're the flies in their trap. Thankfully I am not in one of those situations myself, my best friend is unfortunately (left her abusive ex, his family are billionaires and she ended up with nothing). I was researching the subject to reconcile some things about a previous relationship I had with a narc/socio/histrionic/psychopath (not sure which one) as even 10 years later memories pop up with feelings I need to deal with. I have a wonderfully supportive husband now, so I am thriving! I wish you all the best in your battles, and I hope you come out on top. I do believe God will vindicate every one of us eventually. All the best my friend!
@@hannahbanana2224 Thanks so much for your support. I wish your friend all the best. I’m happy to hear you now have a supportive husband. My hubby saves my sanity. Without his support, not sure what i’d be right now. Take care. Thanks again for checking in with me. Stay well 😍Hugs!
They want people to think that you are the bad person you have the promblem and they don’t like it when you ignore them or won’t react to there negative comments ::which makes them even more crazy
This is the best description I've seen yet on youtube. My last 2 ex's and their mental abuse matched exactly. They checked on each of the 9 abuses. Their violence and anger was shocking when they couldn't break me. They had me separated from my friends and family. The first ex couldn't break me and in the end she had me arrested on false charges saying that I beat her, I never ever raised a finger towards her. She had no empathy and enjoyed seeing me dragged through the courts. The second ex played the harshest mind games, lies, anger, gaslighting was endless, it had affected my health. Thankfully, I moved far away from her.....I refuse to date women since, I'm not going through that hell again.
Richard. Sadly you are spot-on. I appreciate the way in which you describe the tactics the narcissist uses without sugar coating it. There is nothing that can be said to make this nasty reality better. Because of your brutal honesty I have so much more clarity from the evil I have been experiencing from narcissistic torture. I left my narcissistic ex spouse of 18 years however he's severely impacted our children, my oldest with special needs turned into a narcissist. ,He actually was diagnosed with antisocial personality disorder. I am disabled at this point cannot work my reality is as a mother it's harder to accept that your child is anti-social and what you didn't put up with from your ex-spouse you will tolerate more from your child because it's harder to accept the truth and the reality. Torture and the suffering that I have experience for my ex-spouse has been compounded by taking in a 25 year old young man who is on a mission to destroy me, unlike anything I wanted to see. To the point of my other children calling me in fear that I was going to be killed. Yes they are very angry with me for having to watch and Witness me choosing to endure the torture that I was in denial about. It breaks my heart. The psychological torture of a 25 year old man with encephalopathy, that at 5 years old scored 135 IQ, is unimaginable. Having to call the cops on my son, watching him be arrested is one of the hardest things I had to do but listening to you as you tell it like it is I am able to step back, focus, and regain clarity. I am able to take back my sanity and control over my life instead of being in a world wind of confusion I know exactly what was going on. The tactics are so Crystal Clear each and every one that you've explained and of course I'm a fighter so the more I slot Justin Moore he laid on the torture. It is devastating to know got my child has so much hatred and animosity toward me and came into this house under the guise of love only to destroy me. 1 keeping my youngest son up at night in college telling him how he planned on killing me, and calling your sister crying hysterical saying he was depressed suicidal and going to take his life. 1 his story of depression sadness for his sister to feel sorry for him in the situation in which he was living in was fabricated he was able to get off the phone smoke a joint and play video games. He did not know I was speaking to her at the time. Slowly we all start to catch on which unraveled evil like I've never seen the truth of how he feels about his siblings spewed from his mouth. He said things I would never tell them and he confirmed that he did hate me. knowing I have to have cancer surgery he told me I hope you die on the table. Mostly because he wants the house I'm living in. The family dynamics can be very sick. My wealthy criminal exspouse has threatened all of them to the point of paralyzing them financially if they speak to me. I could never imagined how evil he was and how he would destroy his own children without a care. Divorced 10 years and I am in court for the complex financial crimes he comitted in my name as a banker. The government concluded he assumed my identity. I hope to put this behind me soon. I have never heard someone speak the ugly horrifying truth of how the tactics are evil to the extent in which you did. Thank you.
The X Narc hates my guts. I have figured out the best way to deal with that idea is to not give a damn . In the end the hate stays with its origins and that would be the Narc. The haters kick their own ass with their hate. And that’s exactly what IT deserves. Unless a Narc changes and asks God for help I won’t waste my time with them
It can be confusing as we are told to go no contact with them which then makes us the discarders and then we get accused of narcissism. Same with stonewalling. Which is also going no contact. We are doing these for different reasons of course. Then detaching is the same thing. Those who have learned to do these things to protect yourself gets you a accused of the same thing. How do we then also differentiate if someone else is a narcissist or someone who has recovered from narcissistic abuse.
Thank you so much Richard, for the cry until way 6 and then joy? Must not be as weak and worthless as i believed bc the Aholes have to exhaust their entire arsenal just to get to me! Ha! 🖕🖕 It's healing time. Bless you back man, like infinity plus 1. Really needed some peace.
Idealisation is close to the next stage - isolation. They say how wonderful you are, nobody understands that, it isn't worthy to communicate with such people (family, friends etc.). My mum and exhusband often gaslit me by hiding my things or they simply replaced everything in the house. I remember now how nervous i became. I thought i lost my memory and got crazy. I was not sure of anything and stay "normal" only because of rather strong moral principles (as they can be in a person with CPTSR). I suppose they have another brain and it is not only a result of a childhood trauma.
This is the message I needed to trust my progress. I had doubts about the cool, calm response. It is painful but also delivers so much peace. Thank you Richard!
These are things that are unimaginable that is until if happens to you and worse still to your children and worse still you become very much awoke to these 9 things you so expertly describe while the kids are not even close to understanding and therefor have no doorway to healing It’s pure sinister behavior driven by inner demons Making it tragic for everyone at all involved in its pathology
Thank you from my heart and soul. I have watched thousands of hours on the covert npd. I am currently in the stonewall phase and this is very helpful. You are a wonderful communicator and I will continue to watch many of your instructions.
