9 ways to change your anxious attachment style to a secure attachment.

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If you have an anxious attachment style you’re probably dreaming of what it would be like to feel more secure in your relationships. To not feel so worried about your connection and to not get hijacked by fear and insecurity. In this video I am going to go over 9 things you can do in order to start feeling more secure and stop feeling so tied up in knots.
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#attachmentstyle #anxiousattachmentstyle #relationships #datingadvice
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Опубликовано:

26 июл 2024

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Комментарии : 296

@catherinehenderson5975 2 года назад

This was not a childhood developed attachment style for me, people don’t talk about how an adult relationship can create this

@will4282 Год назад

This. 100%.

@SkyGuyEric Год назад

Same

@Lifeof_fantasia Год назад

How does this happen

@swim610 Год назад

It's the only option we have

@misbah76 Год назад

Oh that's a great idea to work on. Yes I agree it's important to understand how attachment styles can change especially when experiencing a toxic relationship

@Dr.Thandi Год назад

I love that you start off by saying: there is nothing wrong with you and it’s not your fault. Thank you. 🥰

@graceguerzon8347 2 года назад

1. Find a partner who' secure Learn to need met and make boundaries 2. Get in touch with shame, you are enough. 3. Express your emotional need 4. Dont play games, be vulnerable and direct 5. Be gentle and less critical 6. Soothe yourself 7. Focus on yourself, do your own thing 8. Go to therapy

@Kiky812 2 года назад

Go to therapist should be n. 1 ☺

@RA-cj6uo Год назад

In my country interpersonal therapies are not popular

@takanashi8417 Год назад

@graceguerzon8347 Год назад

@@Kiky812 exactly hahaha

@4eburawka18 Год назад

2.5. Work on your self-esteem :)

@suzanahas4740 Год назад

Finally, someone who is not making me feel bad about my axious attachment...thank you!!

@daniellevetterkind8547 Год назад

I dated 1 secure man in my life and it was literally life changing. 😩 he had to move far away for work so I unfortunately could not keep him forever. ☹️ his presence in my life healed me tremendously but then my next relationship was a hot mess and I feel like I’m back to square one. Thank you so much for this video. ❤

@donapetkova9004 Год назад

Were you not able to travel and relocate with your former ex? Though, I follow the rule that if something does not work out, then it is not for us. He is not the only person with a secure attachment style, so keep searching and have your 'filters' on, so that you can see any red flags early and know whom to avoid/not to give your energy to

@Neli_Nof 9 месяцев назад

Me too

@ricochetsixtyten 2 года назад

Obsessively watching videos on anxious attachment certainly helps... To make me more anxious.

@sheririch1734 3 месяца назад

😂😂😂😂😂 same

@HLTrds Месяц назад

Right!!!!!😂😂😂

@ineedtounwind999 2 года назад

1:20 Find a partner with a secure attachment. 1:48 Work on feeling less shame so you can start feeling more worthy. 2:21 Work on building your self-esteem. 2:55 Express your emotional needs in a clear and direct way. 3:33 Don't play games. Be vulnerable and direct instead. 3:59 Resist being so critical of yourself. 4:27 Learn to do a lot more self-soothing. 4:59 Focus more on yourself. 5:28 Go to therapy.

@kateboo4013 Год назад

thank you

@Sarah-ft8jr Год назад

Would be easier just to get someone who is also anxiously attached so you can both just spend all your time together saying I love you and worshiping each other 🤷🏻‍♀️

@music2obscureyou330 Год назад

LOL!!!

@whereisari Год назад

Lmao this is exactly how I feel right now

@smartguy19 Год назад

Not all it’s cracked up to be once you realize that you’re codependent and lose your sense of self!

@urielbp2756 11 месяцев назад

Hahahaha

@foreverchilln6302 11 месяцев назад

Lol 😂

@leah.jainie Год назад

My relationship was healthy and something i never knew id feel good about but the truth was i was so anxious to the point i was physically distressed with no apetite, nausea and insomnia. We had to take a break and work on ourselves in between

@jessycharline1526 Год назад

How is your relationship going?

@SamTechWorld9 Год назад

I broke it up in reality bc of my anxiety

@brianclark6542 Год назад

Going through this very thing right now.

@sandieneilan467 Год назад

Me too

@alessadolan5718 10 месяцев назад

I was in a long distance relationship, the guy i was with lives in America and had a pretty busy schedule & the different time zones messed us up a lot! We tried being in a relationship two times but Everytime failed.. I was so anxious about him not giving me enough reassurance or not messaging me on time.. so we split up and remained friends. He is not the one for me unfortunately 💔

@bobbieblanton305 Год назад

Thank you. That last statement...if they're triggering my attachment style then they aren't a good match for me. I needed to hear that. ❤

@ravienadel4612 Год назад

Actually no one triggering you except yourself if you're dating with someone has secure attachment style.

@MsElinorh 8 месяцев назад

@@ravienadel4612secure attachment partners won’t trigger you nearly as much, and will quickly work to soothe you if you do get triggered. As opposed to an avoidant attachment person who will despise you for it and distance themselves from you, thus escalating the problem. Or an anxious attachment person who will take it personally and attack you for it, again, escalating the problem. I found your comment rather shaming,which is not helpful.

@stephaniewatterson2963 3 месяца назад

I needed to hear that too 🙏

@piscestaetae 5 месяцев назад

you think we're cuties??!!! 😂

@jennies3452 Год назад

Dating someone w anxious attachment style, it’s really draining for me. I find myself always having to reassure him, tell him things can be worked on and it will be okay. But he has this voice in his head he won’t budge.

@marisolb4686 2 года назад

Can you pretty please do a series like this for us lucky anxious/avoidant peeps.

@GNS_Waffles 9 месяцев назад

I was dozing off but heard " stop critizing yourself" lol so started listening again

@rycherulz 10 месяцев назад

Thank you for this video. I found out I have an anxious attachment style 6 months ago......at age 51!! Thanks to my therapist and a LOT of hard self-work, I'm slllllloooowwwwwllllyyy starting to process this and work through it. I've made a LOT of changes in my personal life over the last two years, but dealing with my anxiety and anxious attachment has been by far the hardest thing I've ever done.

@andziagreen4922 2 месяца назад

You are not alone in this battle. I'm 46 and just last year discovered this. Better later than never. It's very emotionally exhausting sometime the whole process. I need to talk myself through in order for my subconscious mind to change the way I was programmed for years. Rewarding but I feel like a child who learns on how to walk.

@alvodin6197 Год назад

Appreciate the video. but I have a problem with number 1. Find a secure partner. I think it's very unlikely for a traumatized person to find a healthy person. Not saying it's impossible, but it's very unlikely that a person who has healthy boundaries is willing to be in a relationship with a person who has attachment issues. Healthy people just don't want to fix people or deal with these problems. The good news is, you and your partner can both work on securing your attachment. I honestly wouldn't be in a relationship with my partner if I were securely attached from the beginning. Everything else is on point here, good points. Instead of fixing your partner, help yourself, and your partner gradually follow, naturally.

@phillipjohnson9191 4 месяца назад

Yea It's really funny to me because people with anxious attachment style look for ppl to fix them or make them feel secure, which is super healthy...

@nuez23747 4 месяца назад

An anxious type will always kind of attract an dismissive avoidant type. A secure type attracts a secure style

@andrewd5135 2 года назад

What to do if you finally met someone after years of searching? but then you start to feel anxious if they dont text/ call call etc. my mind starts to go "do they really like me?" i feel like im just in the beginning stages of a relationship and im just not sure how to proceed.

@analysisjunkie9154 Год назад

Communication with your partner.

@auralionasol2205 Год назад

how did it go?

@FLRProject Год назад

Did it worked out eventually?

@alward599 Месяц назад

From experience I’d say he isn’t right for you. The right person will make you feel good and not leave you hanging.

@romanazafar2888 16 дней назад

Listen to Sabrina Zohar for texting in relationships

@thecollegedropoutt Час назад

cried while watching this, me and her are on break now and i cant help but feel if i wasnt anxious and overthinking like this things wouldve been different. we're both working on ourselves during this break and agree to no doing things with other people in a sense of romantically or anything like that. i just want to be better for her

@bri4926 Год назад

This video really relieves my anxious attachment style. I’m saving it because it’s so grounding.

@Urteable 2 года назад

Thank you! ♥️ your delivery is amazing. All your tips are so applicable for real life.

@bolanle2627 Год назад

I had an episode last night. I started feeling anxious and didn't feel better until I fell asleep. I am currently seeing a guy who I really like & who is super sweet to me. He has also expressed how much he likes me and how he'd really like to try things out with me. He'd take me out on dates and makes time to see me at least twice a week. He'd also call or text me throughout the day. The issue is, when I don't hear from him within a specific time of the day, I start to get anxious. I try distracting myself with work and other stuff but he'd be in my subconscious and it can be quite overwhelming. Often times he'd explain why he wasn't available and would never go a whole day without communicating with me. When I feel this way at times, i pull back. He once noticed this and told me I was a bit off and he didn't like the fact that I pulled back. Poor lil me give an excuse cause I'm not ready to be express that level of vulnerability just yet. I really like this guy but I'm scared that my anxious attachment style with chase him away. Help!

@luisgutierrez5724 Год назад

I am exactly the same way, I have the same attachment style as you but I’m a guy. And my girl has the opposite, she’s avoidant and we deal with similar situations as yours, Ive been extremely transparent, I’m a very sensitive guy and I do get anxious when I feel like she’s very distant haha. I’ve been so afraid to show so much of my vulnerable side, but our relationship seems to get stronger every time I show her exactly how I feel. I started therapy and it’s helping so so much, so I highly recommend it:)

@lashawndawells7306 Год назад

@@luisgutierrez5724 wow! It’s so interesting to hear it from the perspective of a guy. Thanks for sharing. I am newly dating an amazing guy too & it stirs up so much. I will take the quiz with him to start the conversation about my attachment style. I think it’s a great way to begin communicating about how I feel

@sneha-qn4jn Год назад

I was like this and my guy is like the guy you are seeing. So what I did is I explained him how I feel and I started concentrating solely on myself. I kept telling myself that its me that is important. When I mind my own business my relationship is good. I had my own goals not "our goals" , I don't plan dates I dont expect him to plan dates but he does anyways, if he doesn't he is free to go that is the mindset I built. I kept telling myself I don't want to interfere in his life. I made a list of the things i want from the relationship, and constant attention wasn't one of them because I definitely want to work on myself only. You should stop having expectations from him and concentrate only on yourself only then will the relationship work.

@sandieneilan467 Год назад

@@sneha-qn4jnI needed this, thank you

@rufaydahalyamani4449 Год назад

I love this video. I always come back to it to balance my anxiety once I feel I’m too anxious within such relationship. I love this video thank you so so much

@patricial8753 2 года назад

Omg I’m so happy I came across you on here your my favorite therapist on TikTok I wanna cry right now that I’m happy to see you on RU-vid 🤗😭😭

@rscampbell3 Год назад

I loved this video! Thanks for putting it out there. Some serious food for thought x

@anisachairi4525 11 месяцев назад

Thank you so much you explained the exact situation in my life rn, I feel really overwhelmed being an anxious attachment

@Arismortal 2 года назад

Mate, thanks a lot for this video. I kind of had the inking I have this attachment style and how I’m a nervous wreck when I really like a girl. Being self aware of this is a good first step for me to start becoming more secure. Kudos to you!

@soulscapes 2 года назад

This was wonderful! Truly appreciated the advice and love Jeff's way of delivering this rich content. You are so lovely, Jeff. Thank you so much.

@ekaterinayakubova2411 2 года назад

Incredible video! Thank you so much for providing this insight.

@clairelouwho3048 2 года назад

Hi Jeff, love your videos, so clear, concise and really helpful 👍🏻

@KP-mw6cx Год назад

Damn. So spot on. What a wonderful video! Thank you for putting out great content for us APs!

@annieeames2282 9 месяцев назад

I am very much an anxious attachment 😂 I never knew for sure but I do after watching some of your other videos! It brought so much self hate and hurt, thank you for this video ❤

@andrewwilks6769 11 месяцев назад

You are !!like a Divine Mother, Jeff. You are such an angel! You are so appreciated!! Thank you!!

@madimoo89 2 года назад

You are so articulate and wise!!! ❤️❤️❤️

@river2805 Год назад

your voice is so relaxing, & this video was straight to the point & filled with many tools to utilize. thank you!

@agnesworld4267 Год назад

This is definitely helpful! Thank you a lot

@raekirby225 Год назад

Your words feel like a hug

@themercadomethod 2 года назад

Thank you. Nice short and sweet. Very grateful 🙏

@CafeMaddy 2 года назад

Thank you! this is awesome

@YOU-niter Год назад

Thank YOU so MUCH! This helped me understand mySelf so much more! I love therapists, psychologists, counsellors etc You help us understand all our feelings emotions & needs etc helping me for sure ENORMOUSLY! 😍

@dominiqeadams4330 2 года назад

I really enjoyed this video and I will share this with my therapist. Thank you!

@VC_333 7 месяцев назад

thank you so much for your videos. i just found them, as i am learning more about my attachment style

@amalarrumaih7161 2 года назад

I love your video, I think we need more videos about disorganised attachment style

@uniquemiracle1 2 года назад

Explained so well 😍😍😍 !!!!!

@GerardoHernandez-fq1mx 3 месяца назад

Excellent points. Thank you.

@cindybeck9372 2 года назад

This was great!

@SilviaPastanaga Год назад

Great advice, thank you!

@MonokuroMonkey Год назад

Thank you! This was incredibly useful. The point about expressing my needs resonated a lot with me and it's something I'm actively working on in therapy. Tbh I teared up a bit. And finding a secure partner, omg, my last relationship my partner was avoidant and I slipped back into a lot of anxious behaviors I had previously managed to get under control. I felt like something was really wrong with me but thanks to your video now I can see it was just a terrible match.

@courtneynix1966 10 месяцев назад

listening to this at work you made me smile when u said ppl w anxious attachment styles are cuties 😂😂😂 bc we definitely are!

@KierraNichole Год назад

I kept seeing this video thumbnail and I wanted to watch but I don’t trust everyone’s random internet advice so I kept scrolling past. When I finally clicked I was SO shocked and happy to see you, my jaw dropped 😅. Love your short-form content and I’m so glad to have come across your channel here ❤❤

@ky5158 11 месяцев назад

Thank you I loved this video. I’m a partner that is an anxious detachment style and it was a reminder what I need to focus on myself to stay secure

@janetanders4157 2 года назад

This is wonderful!

@manialula Год назад

Thank you so much! This actually sound like it can work!

@mangomosaics 8 месяцев назад

Thank you for this video. It's hopeful and positive. Definitely helped 🙏🏾🧡🙏🏾

@mary-anneknight1911 Год назад

Awesome to the point true help🙏never too old to learn helpful change 🌺

@jenalynmichaud5927 Год назад

I love your contents. You're amazing. You help me so much with forgiving myself.

@LaraOlina Год назад

lovely video. straight to the point and not a lot of i was like this, this is my long history, this and that and bla, just tells us what to do. thank you very much 😊 im gonna watch the video on self soothing next

@samsneedamyer5935 3 месяца назад

Thank you for this video.

@saralawrence335 11 месяцев назад

Thank you Jeff.

@irenalovesart4064 Год назад

What an awesome video. Thank you.

@m.anniejohnson5494 Год назад

You are a Godsend 🙏💕

@MeaganFoy 2 года назад

I got off tiktok and so glad you came across my fyp I mean RU-vid suggestions

@ozge1dursun Год назад

Great video... concise abd useful 👌

@jaredvaughan1665 Год назад

You have 22K subscribers with barely any videos. It'd amazing how big your potential is

@Snehdeeppradhan 2 года назад

Thank you sir for Sharing your knowledge to everyone who needs it

@foxtrotA1 16 дней назад

Helpful!

@Nightsongalchemy Год назад

Thank you so much for this series for the anxious attachment style. Could you pretty please do a series for healing avoidant attachment style?

@DyingPharaoh 2 года назад

Awesome video, thanks

@tragically.rachel Год назад

Eye opening!!

@4everu984 Год назад

LMFT approved and letting you know....excellent content! New sub.

@nikolinamar 2 года назад

Thank you for this! Especially reminder about matching with a partner that's secure. Btw I have an anxious dog with a couple of behavior problems and I need so much support there but I think I'm ashamed to ask for it, accept it. It's too hard and now I'm working with a dog behaviorist and a psychotherapist, so helpful... But both are online! I need more people in rl that will support me in helping my favorite pup of all times. Any suggestions how to feel more worthy of being helped here? A lot of my family disregards my issues.

@rcz2023 8 месяцев назад

Thank you!

@melissahopkins1689 2 года назад

It’s the vulnerable and direct for me 😫

@lew2227 Год назад

Thank you!!! :)

@TatianaNeva Год назад

Love your content ❤

@SebDrewett Год назад

Thank you, this is helping me understand my nature

@o.oswift181 Год назад

Omlllllll I needed this

@manapeace Год назад

Hi from Beaverton. I just found your channel. Good stuff!

@gelyukboodoo Год назад

Thank you❤

@charitymelton3005 Год назад

I have been on a healing journey for 3 years. I have worked on my abandonment issues and childhood wounds and made great progress. I know my self worth and don’t settle for just anyone to have a partner. So after doing all this I met someone and enjoyed their company. As the relationship progressed they made me feel safe to ask for some of my bare minimum needs to be met. Which is SUPER HARD for me. I have been fiercely independent for most of my life. But when I did ask for those bare minimum needs to be met, I was met with resistance and complaints about how what I need is just too hard for them to meet. Which in turn makes me feel bad and I want to shut back down. 😞

@debashruti4984 10 месяцев назад

Not me constantly worrying that the cactus thornes might pierce his hands. 😅

@tonib4625 2 года назад

Saved to favorites

@glasshousefuture6836 3 месяца назад

Personally, I really appreciate and will practice 7, 8 , 9 , starting at 4:26. Thank you. I'll be coming back for these specific parts.

@midorikeo1565 Год назад

i love you!!

@wilmerquilarquez6586 2 года назад

I wish you could be my therapist 😭❤️ you're the best!!!

@asiaholland6850 2 года назад

Best video great job

@doreenndlovu5489 Год назад

Amazing video

@laurar8486 8 месяцев назад

My husband has always seemed like he has a secure attachment style, his family impressed me, but after being married 31 years he has never made me feel emotionally secure. I don't know why I'm still staying with him since he makes me feel unloved. When I think of divorcing him I think that life will be more peaceful. I don't know if that will be possible for me with an insecure attachment going back to being in the womb. We have been in marriage counseling 4 different times over the 31 years. We even had premarital counseling with 3 different pastors, guess that was a waste of time.

@MsElinorh 8 месяцев назад

My problem is that I am still obsessing about a 20-year relationship that ended years ago, but I find hard to cope with, even though I ended it. The trouble is that I’ve always got over relationships by moving onto a new one, but this time that’s not an option as I’m too old, have health problems, and never meet anyone I like who’s available anyway. So I’m stuck with my memories and grief at the way my friendship with my ex has been cut off, because he is cold towards me now, and has another partner. I thought we’d always at least be good friends, and I miss that. My current therapist doesn’t seem to get it, and I feel judged when I try to talk about it, though she denies that. 20 years is a long time to have someone in your life, and there were lots of good times as well as bad. I know I need to make more friends, but it’s hard as my health isn’t great (I have CFS) and my hearing is somewhat impaired. I do get quite depressed about my situation at times. I wish I could like myself more and have happy relationships.

@HikerGirl-ct3nd 4 месяца назад

Your health problem dont prevent you making friends you can find friends who have smililar issues even a partner who will understand you.Our health issues dont define us

@housekeepah Год назад

Thanks for the video. Your point about not playing games and to allow yourself to be vulnerable resonates with me. Finding the sweet spot between ”reaching out for other people to sooth you” and simply resisting the feeling is important in my opinion. I think we can allow ourselves to be honest with our partners and saying, I feel a little bit insecure right now, I know it’s not on you to sooth me but a little reassurance can go a long way at this point, or something like that. If your partner is willing to make it work, I can’t see how that would ruin it if it happens from time to time, what do you think?

@studioMYTH 2 года назад

THANK YOUUUUUUU

@izabelafrisova6199 2 года назад

Hey from SVK , thanks ✨

@drummerdks 2 года назад

More tools, please. These are phenomenal

@peanut2615 5 месяцев назад

thank youuuu

@lennartbjurstrom2548 2 года назад

I have an anxious ambiguous attachment style and I usually fall for anxious avoidant partners…

@MsSunsetHeat Год назад

This video is really amazing! I figured out with the help of my therapist and the internet that i have an anxious attachment style and now i feel a lot more calm just to know this because at least i have the clarity about all my reactions and feelings.Now i am just hopeful to work on the ways to cope with this to feel better.Guys,i can't stress this enough,therapy is the key.For the last past year i've been going consistently and i'm discovering myself like i could never before.Try it and take your time with it,it will work miracles if you search for ways to make you grow and heal. And don't forget,you're amazing!

@diana6388 Год назад

When you went to therapy, what did you mention that you wanted to work on. How’d you get the most of your sessions ?

@diana6388 Год назад

Also, just regular talk therapy ?

@chaosdream21 2 года назад

I really needed to hear this about how this doesn't make us toxic or bad.

@Dtharrr Год назад

thank you a lot

@serge6598 Год назад

Focus on yourself, your wants your needs. What others find of you is their task and problem.

@lifeofbrian1977 Месяц назад

I want to keep my heart open. But at this point just being alone is the safest thing for me. My nervous system can't handle it so I'll just sit and be.