It is very nice video on current scenario of mental health. Thanks a lot to you for telling the insights of mental health. I would like to know more about mental health especially dealing desperate feelings, depression feelings. Thank you😊
I'm ADHD, suspect Autism, and just now realizing I have Anxious Attachment and my wife is BPD and I suspect has Disorganized Attachement. I guess I shouldn't be surprised how amazingly chaotic and painful our road has been.
OMG! I thought I had myself all worked out until I met a fearful avoidant for the first time in my life which I knew nothing about this behaviour. What a long, drawn out mess until I hit videos for self-help like this one. So much thanking you :)
For everyone out there who hasn’t tried it yet: for my overthinking friends, journaling is THE BEST tool ever. You don’t have to know how or what to write; you can do it on your phone if you are in a hurry. It helps so much on avoiding rumination, as you actually process everything and take it out of your system through the output of journaling. You can write and then check if you agree with what you wrote or not (sometimes you just need to get intrusive thoughts out of your system), deepen an idea that you hadn’t considered so important until you wrote it down, etc…100% recommend
I was recently in the beginning of a relationship with an avoidant attachment guy. It was very frustrating for me and I had no idea what was going on until later. We are still friendly, I still feel it was a missed opportunity, but I think we've both moved on. I just wish more people knew themselves better, if I knew how to work with him we might have been great together. Instead I was left feeling rejected and (no surprise) avoided even though he was saying all the right things when we talked. I would love to see more content on how to navigate an avoidant attachment relationship with caring and understanding. So much advice is to just let them run away, which is not great for them, or us, if we are truly interested.
I bring out toys most often because I'm having such a good time with my partner and it amplifies it several times over. Also toys are easier on my sensitive bits than any manual stimulation. A toy to me is a supplement to the experience and helps me have a truly mind-blowing orgasm(s) that helps me bond more deeply with my partner. Anyone who is threatened by me using one just doesn't understand what is actually happening. The ones who do get threatened tend to be the ones that believe that vaginal simulation is all a woman should require in sex as well.
Omg, as a born and raised Oregonian I feel you on the camping/outdoor activity judgement. I enjoy it, but not to the level of expectation that people seem to have on dating sites. I now live in the DC area, here it's all about the gym and hiking.
Really great tips but not everyone has patience for that. They feel like walking on eggshells eveytime and that they are being targeted, rather than sincerely wanting to empathize with how their pathner feels. Demonizing, Disreguard or dismissal makes it harder when one tries to communicate what bothers him/her. It is then more difficult to trust anyone being vulnerable. Not sure if I'm going off a tangent but the subjective's experiences are facts.
Correct me if I’m wrong here, but this sounds a little like your solution to an anxious attachment style is to become even *more* anxious and codependent.
Can you make more videos on how the avoidant can do the inner work? My partner really wants to work on himself and although there’s plenty of advice on how *i* can cope it’s hard to find stuff for the reflective avoidants who want to do the work changing themselves
Great reminder. I actually read a book on emotional regulation that’s changed my life. It’s called: De-escalate. How to Calm An Angry Person Down in 90 Seconds or Less by Douglas Noll. The strategies he discusses are counterintuitive and backed by neuroscience. (I’m genuinely just a fan of Doug’s work.) Since reading his book and practicing his strategies, I don’t react nearly as often as I used to. It’s amazing!! Doug is all over RU-vid.
These questions make me want to never have a partner again. I've asked/ felt like the only one talking &/ feeling so much and now theres no opening up or talking anhmore as ive nithing left to say. I dont waste my energy anymore. For my own sake. Lost myself. Can't go back there. Broke from reality. Stay true to yourself. Focus on your fucking needs. Fuck the easy way out, check in with you follow your emotions you can heal alone. You don t need a partner especially ome leaving you confused anxious and wuestuoning you own worth and wether tthey actually ever cared and how can someone so close to you not care or look so lifeless whdn your displaying aloy of emotions and uses vulneravle situations to exolout and make you feel like shit instead of help you sue to own insecurities Sometimes just saying over and over again im sorry I'm teying isnt heloing Have you thiught that the feeling in them builds regardless Sometimes the hard work is no conevrsation pack your shit and get the fuck out if there for bith of your sakes.
I used to talk to friends, but they told me I'm dumping on them and draining or that I was overwhelming them or that I was cutting into their "Me Time." I wasn't. I have lost friends because I have chronic depression and this nuisance of an attachment style. I was raised not to be a problem to others. I don't want to push people away. So I'm back to bottling up and being merry and cheerful to keep others happy. I do a lot to help others and not need any help myself. I have stopped making new friends and keep everybody at shallow acquaintance level. It works very well.
Can I ask, have you tried journaling? I know it sounds so freaking silly, how can writing help? I am an over thinker and a bit anxious by nature. I have, in the last years, discovered how much writing helps me to dump all the turmoil and process it outside my mind. I feel lighter and clearer after it. It won’t take you out of depression alone and it won’t immediately help you with your friendships, but self-regulation will probably help in making you feel more self assured and also take some of the toll in your friendships. I notice that (years ago) I would vent a lot to my friends and feel better after it, like, “I’m so conscious about my situation, so I am getting there”. And it was actually a loop that trapped me in venting, me feeling more assertive about the situation, but then not doing anything due to how “clear” I felt after talking. Also, my circle has gotten much smaller, but I’ve learnt to choose better close people (it was not easy). I hope it gets better for you
This is so true. However, intent v. Impact of one's behavior are different things. We should understand our partners' particular wounding and trauma(s) and how that shows up in the relational space, but dismissive avoidant folks still need to work on shifting their maladaptive patterns (and so do their partners) if they want to create an emotionally safe relationship.
LOL. He criticized me today n I got mad back. Yes, talks to her n others. Nuts. Then says: “You can come to my house and don’t have to ask. ( U have a key) I don’t know why you’re so insecure about this.” But often acts like I’m not there. Weird
Thank you. I have had insights and deep early grieving like infant wailing around this topic. Disconnected, felt shame, learned reaching out was hopeless, abandon self to survive, and now see that same pattern you describe so well in my relationships. Deep wish to stay connected but when overwhelmed/triggered into the unworthy ashamed state I cannot access the worthy hopeful feelings that would allow me to tell my partner that I cannot meet their needs right now and what my needs are especially when those needs are for rest etc. Fatigue, low blood sugar, etc can prime me for this old feeling state and without the skill and body safety and enough sense of worth and without a partner who can be educated and see what might be happening (add some anxious abandonment issues on their end too...) and boom recipe for terrible rupture in the connection. As you say the exact opposite of what is truly desired. Thank you for making this video.
Also Heidi Priebe has content on this topic that is very astute as well. Wish this consciousness and the internet were around in 1992 when I started therapy at 20yo.
