90 Day Fiancé - (Mike & Natalie #39) - Make Up - Therapist Reacts 

l Wonder if Natalie behaves the way she does because she has the _knowledge_ of how to communicate her feelings, be vulnerable and act in a healthy manner in relation to others; but she hasn't healed from her insecure attachment so every now and then she's able to utilize the skills she knows she should, and sometimes her core insecurity takes over.

God. I really wish Mike would validate her feelings, anything to acknowledge her thought process, instead of this punitive dad role where he puts a stamp of approval on her words

Mike needs to stop wasting her time and let her know it’s over. He’s being selfish.

Not looking forward to a third season, just want them to end it or get married TBH, and go therapy regardless of how it ends.

Mike is really over there talking about past being in the past?👀 He is the one that cant forget the past, he literally said i dont forgive you for the ring🙄

While Natalie frustrates me, she feels like she is trying. Mike is a rock. He always says that they need to work on things but never says anything.

It seems Mike has been over the relationship since before she got to America.

Dude, not sure about you guys but I would have all 10 toes out of the relationship if I was called a low class drunk man by my fiancé. Seriously.

I am definitely that person who is like, "I'm going to own up to the shit I did but they better own up to theirs!" I swear the next guy I'm with, if I apologize and he's just like, "thx" I'm dumping him on the spot haha

Apologies are so tricky. You can apologize to someone AND hold space for your own hurts and to need an apology yourself. I can't tell if Mike doesn't see himself in the wrong at all, or if he thinks that apologizing is to negate his own feelings.

I think he feels like he has nothing to apologize for or anything to say. Again, she’s putting in all the effort to make this work. It can be frustrating I feel. It’s like helllooooo is anyone home.

Mike seems so twenty-five toes out the door that i surely hope i don't have to watch this any more seasons unless something drastically changes.. :/

Natalie is able to apologize for these big things but I wonder if she knows the harm her day to day criticisms have done. If a partner had said those things to me they'd work their way under my skin, I think.

Mike is giving me the flavor of a guy who does a lot of ghosting. He doesn't want to be in this relationship but is too cowardly to end it because then he'd be the bad one. He's just gonna ignore her, cold shoulder her until she gets frustrated and fed up and dumps him then he's the hard done by guy.

Please, no third season for these two. They don't appear to be compatible. They may both want a family, but it doesn't appear that they have much else in common. And the trust issues. She can say whatever she wants, I don't think she trusts him or believes him about the night he spent with Sara. She also likely still wants to change what he eats and drinks. He doesn't appear to trust her to not go back to old behaviors and probably perceives this apology as being a way to manipulate him to give the ring back. She doesn't want to spend 14+ hours a day alone in the boonies. She likes city life. I don't think either of them are bad people, I just don't think that in all practicality they are a good match to build a life together.

I genuinely like Natalie, but I believe he isn’t the one for her. She wants romance and a gentle heart. I don’t believe he’s anywhere near being that man. I’m not saying he’s a bad guy either. I just don’t think he’s what she’s actually looking for.

I really have never liked this couple. Not as people, just as a viewer. They’re hard to watch for me. They seem so incompatible.

I can't stand the way Mike just accepts Natalie's apologies without offering an apology himself.

I think Mike got so used to be in this mode of "I'm going to punish Natalie with my resentment because she gave me my ring back" that he just can't get out of it. No matter what she does, he will still be upset. It's like he forgot his ultimate goal: to be in love. You can't be in love if the only thing in your mind is to punish your partner. You have to forgive at some point and deal with the hurt which may take some time. But he seems just stuck, which it's to bad because Natalie seems to be at the end of her patience.

I've dealt with a past partner who was similar to Mike. If I tried to get more information than he wanted to give then my "Mike" would get very grumpy and say, "Why are you asking me so many questions!? I'm feeling choked!" It wouldn't matter how nicely I asked either. If I asked more than 2 question I was smothering him... He's my ex for a reason haha.

Natalie is playing a game. She’s manipulative and uses whatever tactic she thinks will achieve her goal, getting her ring back. Which is crazy to me because she threw it back so how she thinks it’s her ring I can’t imagine.

Im absolutely not rooting for these two anymore. They’ll never be happy, I don’t think Natalie has the ability to just change and be nicer. And he can’t communicate how he feels. He’s gotten to this age without changing that. And she shows self awareness at moments , but then she goes back to being a shitty person. Without proper therapy and work they are doomed, and based on the types of people we see on this show, I don’t think they will put in that work, sorry🤷‍♀️.

I am not really interested in seeing more about this couple, it seems like they are stuck in the same cycle all the time. None of them changes or moves forward. So watching them stone-walling, then drama, then kinda making up, then still some resentment leading to stone walling, drama etc. No. Also Dr. Honda's insight is repeating: we learned about the attachment styles working together, the speculations that lead to assumptions that we have now gone through for almost 40! videos. All VERY appreciated!! Very valuable!!! But repetitive at some point) Let's move on.

Who hurt you, Mike? I taught severely traumatized teens for several years. He reminds me of them, except even more closed off and impenetrable. It's hard to watch a grown adult with that behavior.

Not pulling for them at all. I think he would regret marrying her for the rest of his life.

Mike why did you bring Natalie out here if you weren’t even gonna try

You said it, Dr. Honda: Research shows that opposites DON'T attract. It's not going to work.

I feel as long as they don’t work on his resentment it’s seems difficult. He is still hurt, and has probably huge anxiety being rejected again giving her the ring again. I can imagine it must be traumatising if the person you want to spend your life with throws the ring back at you... however it becomes unbalanced, she gives a lot of effort and being vulnerable but with him he seems his walls are up. Best shot -> back to Dougs office! 😊

Nope. I only watch this couple or 90 days couples in general so I can learn what not to do in my relationship, lol.

These two people must know they're incompatible, it's really difficult to tolerate them. Watching them interact with one another is like watching a train crash in slow motion.

Natalie may have gone too far with the classism and basically telling him that she was out of his league, better than him in all ways. I think that he's checked out.

Sadly, she's apologising but it's difficult to believe she's doing it for the right reasons.

Love means Always having to say you're sorry ... (apologies to "Love Story")

I speculate Mike feels Natalie doesn't genuinely love and care for him, because she has regularly displayed such, hence the disconnect. She appears to be forcing this relationship in some last ditch attempt to grasp at marriage and a baby. From her point of view, the ring is such an important step in the process as it reassures her the goal is within reach. But she resents Mike for having to lower her standards to obtain these things in life, and is frustrated he isn't willfully bending to her control. I believe she would never date the Ukrainian version of Mike. And she seems absolutely dumbfounded why he doesn't grovel at the opportunity to be with her, possibly interpreting this as a perceived rejection/ injury to her ego. Due to this, she comes across as manipulative, unstable, and spiteful. It is interesting that Natalie is both the abuser and the martyr, and frankly her pattern of behavior aligns well with cluster b types. I wonder about the dynamics of her previous two marriages

I think I'd love to know how much the US based side of the couple is making by appearing on this show. I get a strong sense mike benefits from that arrangement, and therefore benefits from prolonging the Natalie thing. I wanna be wrong, because love can be so lovely and they seem to have potential. Who knows.

Natalie won’t be happy with Mike’s inability to speak about feelings. She needs to pull everything out of him. That’s a lot of work. I’ve been there and done that.

I feel badly for Natalie, she might be a little over the top sometimes but it seems like she makes more effort than Mike to at least try.

I was actually shocked they even had a 2nd season. I thought for sure these two were over after the first.

I would probably only watch this couple again if their next season focused on couples therapy because I feel like it's a lot of the same when it's just the two of them.

I am just confused with her is it that she loves him or is it that she wants to be engaged, get married & have kids? For some reason her approach seems to have a motivation behind it. I just dont know what is it.

Does anyone else think Natalie is trying to make this work because she thinks this is her last hope to have kids?

I’m as over this relationship as Mike. No Season 3 please!

No, Dr. K, I can’t say that I’m pulling for this couple. I don’t think that Natalie is in love with Mike (nor he with her). She sees him as a means to an end-she wants that baby! She’s said as much MANY times.

Michale surely know this woman had given him so many headaches, made him so uncomfortable on a daily basis in normal life things, he instinctively knew this is not the women he's gonna spend his life with, he knew Natalie just temporarily hold back to get him into the marriage, hard to tell she will change, they have had so many problems, this just a tiny one....

I cant stand mike anymore, all his "leave the past behind" talk and he cant forgive her for the ring. Also cold af, what an awful man to even think of spending years of your life with. BuT ShE SaiD LoW CLasS!!

I learnt in my younger years to be vulnerable meant hurt... So over time I didn't even notice that I stopped sharing my feelings OR it would come out as anger. No middle ground... NOW as a 30 year old im trying to re-wire myself through therapy and self work. Its so hard to be vulnerable... but oh my gosh its so worth it... your soul and heart just feel so clear when youre able to verbalize your feelings and have a great conversation with someone.

Whenever I took acting classes my teacher always said anger is a secondary emotion. There's a primary emotion, usually hurt or fear, that brings about anger. And whenever I first heard that, it changed the way I thought about my emotions, not just in acting but real life. So it makes me happy to hear that again in this video. It's always a nice reminder to check your feelings ☺️

To me it looks like Natalie is simply target driven. She comes in as herself and with what she wants (reasonable or not) and then negotiates down to where Mike can meet her. The target is to get married and have children. This seems like such a disaster coming. Latest after children are there and the common purpose is met.

Certain actions of hers have been too hurtful and may be that's stopping him

So far, this seems like the most positive thing I've seen from them. Maybe there's still hope. At least they're talking and not being angry. They're still crazy incompatible though and I don't think I'd want to spend my life with somebody who seems to hate so many major aspects of my personality. Intellectually their relationship is insane and shouldn't happen. Emotionally it could work. How do you decide which is right?

He wants unconditional love and a drama free relationship. That's something he'll never get from her. However, Mike might like the idea of Nataly more than Nataly..so he can't let this relationship go. It's dead on the vine.

I get the impression that Natalie is just going through the motions of apologising, and that she's going to go back to her controlling, disrespectful and manipulative ways. She, supposedly, has two ex husbands. Doesn't paint a good image of her. Yes, I do realise that it takes two to tango, but still, it makes one wonder. Just saying... I also think Mike behaves the way he does towards her because he's hurt/resentful/angry and hasn't heal from the heartache that Natalie caused him when she THREW the ring back at him. Granted, everyone makes mistakes but that's a really big one IMHO. She could have handed him the ring, not thrown it at him. How is the poor guy supposed to feel after that??? Greet her with open arms? I don't thin so.

I don't like these two together at all. Natalie doesn't know anything but verbal abuse I'm not with that. She is abusive. Verbally.

Definitely not pulling for them. She gives me bad vibes, sometimes the way she zones out makes her look creepy and she's really, really immature. I feel that Mike deserves someone better.

I thought maybe he was crying a little bit (not rubbing his eye).

I wonder if Mike might be a little like me. It's sometimes a challenge to communicate in the moment, especially during an argument. But I can revisit it later after I have time to process. It does come off cold & uncaring sometimes which is why it is helpful to say I'm listening but I need just some time alone & I can come back to it. Of course that means you need to actually revisit the issue & not sweep it under the rug.

Dr Kirk Honda, your focus on improving relationships is understandable and wise, but it does not take into consideration that K1 visa is not for people who are just getting to know each other and checking if they match, it is for engaged couples who must have decided everything already. 90 days are given in order to prepare for the wedding and get married, not to figure out if you want it or not. If they don't tie the knot in time, Natalie would have to go back to Ukraine and might be banned from entering the US ever again. Firstly, she already experienced struggles with getting this visa in the previous season. Secondly, there is an extremely high rate of declining American visas in her country - over 40%, one of the highest in the world. There are also many stories about Ukrainian women returning to their home country after not marrying within 90 days and turning up in "black lists" of unreliable potential immigrants who get declined any other types of visas in the future, even when they win a greencard lottery. We do not know Natalie's true intentions, if she came to America for Mike or for the greencard, but we can imagine enormous stress that Natalie must be feeling knowing that if she does not marry now, her chance to be in the USA can be ruined forever. Even if she is not dreaming about living in America, but really loves Mike and wants to marry him - if they does not get married within the given deadline, she might not be able to reissue a K1 visa to try one more time with him, and may not be able to come back until they marry in Ukraine and apply for a spouse visa. Maybe never. So she does not have much choice, and her panic is reasonable. Actually it sounds like all her apologies are efforts to sweep the deeper problems under the rug and focus on the main thing - marriage. Can we blame her though? In the given ccrcumstances Natalie still does her best trying to work on the relationships - communication, apologies, couples therapy, but Mike is the one rejecting all her efforts. It is hard to say what exactly he wants from Natalie - what words or actions would make him forgive the past and move forward... He has to say what he wants or needs, even if he wants her gone or even if he does not know himself what he wants. It would make things easier for everyone, including Dr Kirk Honda and us, viewers. It is really painful to watch this couple.

I really don't think Natalie loves Mike, I always feel like she looks at this relationship as some kind of box tick for her life goals, get married have a kid, loving him doesn't seem to come into her vision. I feel like she just says whatever she thinks he wants to hear to get to her own goals of ring marriage baby.....she just seems to want a sperm donor and I don't want this relationship to work out because they seem so very unhappy with one another.

I've been trying not to be so cynical but it's hard not to go along with the theory that Mike wants to be the "victim" of a breakup on TV and is just waiting for Natalie to end it.

Mike's eyes look dead.

This couple reminds me of my first love that went down in burning flames because we triggered the shit out of each others trauma and had walls also. So for that reason, I am vicariously hoping they make it. Fundamentally they are good people.

He's done but can't be the one to end things. He's waiting for the visa to expire.

Natalie's doing all the work? She's also doing all the accusing, insulting and criticizing 🙄 I have a friend who jokingly says "don't start none, won't be none" 😆 seems applicable here... I feel like Mike deserves an award for putting up with this woman's drama

Mike feels good...knowing she only has a few weeks left

I don't think they have common goals and polar opposites.

Natalie's apologies are a little too late. She has been mean to him since her arrival. She gaslighted him and called him names (Low class, drunk, unintelligent). She hates that he eats meat and that he is not religious. She believes that he cheated on her over a year ago and didn't want to let it go. In doing that, she really hurt Mike's feelings as well as his self-esteem. The only reason why she is apologizing now is because her visa is expiring.... I do not believe that this couple compliment each other as there are too many things that she does not like about him.

Okay no Mike is getting on my nerves. If you’re not into it then tell her! She’s trying so hard and he’s not even reciprocating. He needs to work on his communication and just be straight forward about how he feels

as awful as natalie could be sometimes, i think she's really matured throughout this show and she's come a long way with swallowing her pride, acknowledging her faults, and finding ways to work on the relationship. i think that they've hurt each other too much for the relationship to work out by this point but i am still proud of her personal growth and i hope she will be better in her next relationship.

I wish Mike would just say more to Natalie it’s so frustrating. Reminds me of my ex husband but listening to you talk about Mike makes me realize a lot of what went wrong in my first marriage

I really care for this couple. I like both of them, expecially Natalie touches me very much, and I think they both care deeply about eachother, but... I think they're better off with other people. Both of them seem quite set in their expectations of life and it doesn't seem like they are compatible. I really hope Mike and Natalie end up happy, together or separate.

With Natalie's superior "better than everyone" personality and insistence her way is the only way, someone with a lobotomy that says yes all the time is the *only* type I think she could be happy with!

I love watching your reactions to those videos! Could you please do the psychology around “My Crazy Ex-Girlfriend” it’s a series on Netflix, the story line is around a woman struggling with borderline personality disorder and depression. Just always wondered how much of what they showed as examples were actually right.

He shouldn't apologize for doing something that wasn't wrong. She doesn't deserve an apology.

I'm not pulling for this couple. There may be love and attraction there, but they don't even like each other. They're not even friends. Outside of moments of sex and affection they don't really seem to genuinely enjoy each other's company, have anything in common or appreciate each other's differences. Also Mike's constant sulking is painful to watch.

I think the hand gesture was awkward, but idk, I think he just has a hard time being vulnerable and reaching out. I think he’s in his head a lot. I can relate. 🤷🏻‍♀️

ew. poor Natalie . Time to go

I understand Mike,he used to be overweight and probably has low self esteem.If a person ur in love with tells u that u need to loose weight,ur low class,u dink too much,u clothings stink aso...totally understandable he is blocked...probalbly in the back of his head he thinks she doesnt even like him,she just wants to stay,I dont plame him.I personally think Natalie is very manipulative and knows how to create a problem and play the victim card....just my oppinion :)

In the end, Natalie tried too hard to use sex as a weapon to win Michael back, she's so manipulative.... Michael's body language says he's not a fool

I’m rooting for them. I’m surprised how negative people are about this couple. I think first of all she really loves him. After her previous high-flying life, I think she just wanted to settle down in a simpler life with someone who is a really good guy, who likes the outdoors. I think he was thrilled in the beginning to win the attention of someone who seemed so glamorous, at least compared to the life and people he knows, but then couldn’t believe someone like her could truly be interested in him, and began sabotaging it with his aloofness. That in turn threw her off and made her wonder what she was doing with him, and that’s what comes out when she tries to squeeze a reaction out of him. I still think if they could get beyond this, they could be good together. On the other I’m not sure he can ever admit to his own faults the way she can (spending the night at his friend’s house is not one of them, his silence passive-aggresiveness are...).

Speaking of asking questions, I don’t understand why in all the times Mike has said they have “a lot to work on” Natalie has never asked him *what* he thinks they need to work on, specifically. Maybe, she is asking him off screen, but it just seems odd to me because this would be my first question if my partner said that to me.

I think this couple is really mismatched. I am sick of Natalie's arrogance and nastiness. "Hey Mike, you're stupid and low-class. I am much more beautiful than you. Let's get married!" I know they need villains on this show, but she is just tiresome.

To me it looked as though he was wiping away a tear before he took her hand. He really doesn't want to cry...

Do you think her "cold state" might just be cultural? She seems to share her thoughts which is a kind of voulnerability. A lot of eastern European people people might come off as stern and cold from an American perspective but they really have tons of big feelings. (In the US men often tell women to "smile" which really feeds into an undercurrent of misogyny we Americans often don't acknowledge.)

I think I enjoy your reviews more than this couple. She has insulted Mike over and over..wants ring...yet she doesn't love? To me I cringe watching their mutual abuse of each other. They don't work in my mind. Too much has happened

I was not prepared for Dr. Honda to start talking about needles going into veins... 👀

I appreciate all the insight we get through this channel. But I am wondering why these two are still together. I mean, they get somehow halfway through it, but they seem to have conflict(s) all the time. If I was in one of their shoes, I would give up just for all the conflict and talks and discussion and fighting and seemingly close to no fun, loving times, caring times, sharing good moments... It seems all so draining and unrewarding. (Edit: Orthography)

Am I the only one who thought Mike was actually getting emotional and a little teary while Natalie was apologizing? It's a little hard to tell since he has a pretty flat affect but I thought he was emotional and wiping his eyes because he was getting teared up. Just me???

All Natalie needs to do is...3 little words...I love you

Wow Mike is so much like my OH. They're just hard to read people. My OH will sometimes do such uninvolved gestures (like pausing then taking my hand), give me a blank stare when I'm opening up... And I know through the things he does day to day that he's invested but his body language can be "I don't like you" at times. It's frustrating but these videos are actually helping me understand him better.

Please no third season with these two. I really don't like Natalee, and I think Mike deserves better. In the first season he looked like a really nice man, I think that was who he really is and right now he is just getting frustrated because of Natalee.

I really really appreciated the comparison between vulnerability and walking up to a cliff. There is a childhood video of me struggling to jump off a diving board as a kid - like approaching the edge, backing away, sitting down, and eventually getting thrown in by a lifeguard. I sent it to my boyfriend and was like... this is EXACTLY what the beginning of our relationship felt like, haha. You know what you want to do, what you want to say, but your body just won’t let you make the leap.

I’m seeing some of myself in Mike. I’ve dealt with a lot abandonment and esp as a teenager I would just get really quiet and blank. I thought this made it obvious how hurt I was and kept hoping someone would notice but they never did. In hindsight I realize it just came across like I didn’t care and resulted in me not knowing myself anymore. I also have trouble showing affection through physical touch (except with boyfriends)

Is it possible that he is in shock that she apologized??

Mike is definitely checked out, expects more abuse in the coming weeks, whatever is left on her visa and won’t pull the trigger and marry her. A few weeks= many beers, unhealthy meals, lots more ugliness to be had. Natalie just wants a baby. Sad to see all of this.

I'm not really hoping they make it. They are just to different and have completely different core values that won't change and they both can't really just accept those things won't change

I can see COVID hitting, she uses guilt to convince him to marry her and he goes along with it because he absolutely can't tolerate breaking up with anyone. He was waiting for that to become necessary. COVID will put a hitch in it. That's my prediction. No I don't want a third season but I'd put money on the fact that we're getting one. He is incapable of breaking up and he'd rather be miserable with her than actually being the one to do the breaking up.

As always, perfect Mike offers zero apology to Natalie. I can't even believe she is the one having to initiate an apology for the fact she was overwhelmed with jealousy for wanting to know more about *him* spending the night at another womans. If anything he should be offering explanations in an apologetic manner. The fact he gets agitated and dismissive when she questions him about it, to me, sets off alarm bells of guilt.. at a bare minimum is incredibly disrespectful. I hope for her sake there is no third season for them ..

She was genuinely apologizing, and she reaches over for contact, he low key gives her a low five instead of actually making contact.

Fully apologized? Be very forgiving at times? Are we watching the same Natalie? No I don't want these two back.. ever!

He is still hurt by the ring thingy, and low IQ comment, low class comment, being called a drunken, being called less beautiful than her, butter is not healthy, having to go to hell for not being religious, being fatso, etc The feeling she is not into him, but just into getting married is probably a kill joy for him.