A Lack of Boundaries Invites a Lack of Respect 💯 

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I definitely agree! I had to enforce my boundaries.. Like they say, “You teach people how to treat you by what you allow, what you stop, and what you reinforce.” Protect your energy at all cost! 💯

It’s not always about setting the boundaries but..: Enforcing them!!!

I do recommend setting boundaries. Then you will see who stays and who walks away when they can no longer use you for their own gain.

Setting boundaries with FAMILY AS WELL. That's also very important too.

I set boundaries with my ex a few months ago and I haven’t heard from her since. 😂

I agree or else the person will take full advantage and run over. Also, from a spiritual perspective, the devil is good at using that against us. "CHRISTIANS are supposed to be nice and forgiving", as if saying no is a crime/sin. Saying no is necessary and healthy at times. We don't have to be rude, but we should have healthy boundaries to avoid being taken advantage of. Thanks for the video!

Boundary violators. They’re everywhere!!! This is a common topic in my therapy sessions.

This was a message I needed to hear! Friends and family have told me I am too nice but no one told me I am too afraid to say no and set boundaries. I have been with my now ex-husband for over 30 years and in that time I have a learned behavior of giving in so I don't have to deal with him and his reactions. When I have set boundaries, I paid for it with the silent treatment, treating me like I am unworthy, ignoring me, and sometimes insults. I am still dealing with him months after the divorce is final because I am too nice! It's time I set the boundaries and if he doesn't like them, that's not my problem. thank you!

Currently dealing with this. Many men confuse kindness with weakness. He has taken advantage of my kindness one too many times. Now that I'm being more assertive he's questioning "us." My thing is don't expect me to be cool with you doing to me anything that you wouldn't want me doing to you. If you know you're not done playing around or you feel like you might miss something if you get in a relationship, cool, but go be a bachelor in your own space or be with someone who's okay with it. Don't try to live with someone when you know y'all are not on the same page or don't want the same thing. Be a man about it. Maybe it's bad timing. Maybe it's not meant to be. Either way a decent person with integrity wouldn't play games.

Courting/dating in 2019 requires you to have boundaries and listening to what the Holy Spirit is saying about a person!

So true. When I finally,after many years far too many years,set boundaries for my former mate in a nice way he dipped out and quickly found another victim. I've never been happier.

I totally agree!!! 👍🏼👍🏼👍🏼 I get told my “boundaries” or “standards” are too high but I disagree. I believe it’s necessary to have both of these in place. When the time is right, the right person will come and they will respect what I stand for! I’m not afraid at all to say NO lol! ❤️

I too agree. I overshared with my friend my personal problems and now she started using my infos against me and started disrespecting and Judgeing I should have not allowed that person to much close to me

Sir....that was a WORD as they say. 😉Thank you for sharing your wisdom. Keep growing in your God given purpose.

Peace.. Facts... The same with children..

I struggle to enforcing my boundaries. Working on enforcing my boundaries & not give people too many chances!

I can't tell you how many times a day I hear that I am too nice..it isn't limited to heterosexual relationship, it comes from co-workers, peers and colleagues. I went through a season of self doubt-questioning my character and core. Thank you for clarity! Boundaries are necessary and people WILL test them...I am holding fast to the direction I came into agreement with God about concerning me and decided no more..I will not compromise healthy boundaries which self inflicts pain, frustration and disappointment. Kudos to all who will apply wisdom and sound counsel to their lives so that in living, we will truly live. ❤

Knowing when to say no unapologetically is a true sign of maturity. I have no problem saying no and establishing boundaries, however, this does result in being by yourself too. I still have faith that the man for me is out there somewhere. I’m just trying to be patient and waiting on God to put us in each other’s paths. It’s not hard sticking to your standards but it is hard dealing with loneliness as a result of not settling for less than you deserve. Feels like a catch 22 at times but I try to be positive. Seems that the men who don’t have their stuff together are more aggressive in dating than the men who do have their stuff together....at least it seems that way in my city.🤷🏽‍♀️

I have been talking about boundaries all week! It's #straightfacts

This man said it best!! Exactly what I needed. Thank you. Many blessings!!!

God is Always confirming His word! This spoke to me, thank you!

First,you have too let who ever is around you too let you know,do not talk too me any kind of way, and if so bye,,and move on, thanks for the video and God bless you

I struggled for the longest time with boundaries, and each time I tried when I was younger, I was always made to feel guilty. It followed me into adulthood when I was in a relationship, and enforcing any boundaries felt so unnatural because my moral compass was a mess. Ever since the relationship ended, I started setting boundaries especially with my family, if I couldn't do it with my family, then there'd be no hope for others. Learned it a bit late, but I'm glad to have more enforcement over boundaries than I used to.

good, nuanced advice for having boundaries in relationships and enforcing them in a compassionate way.

Thanks Stephan! This is very true. I have experience being too nice, afraid and being pushed over. I now know that I can be kind and gracefully yet sternly let people know when they are wrong. There’s no need to be overly aggressive or negative to gain respect. People will try you regardless. Might as well be sweet, graceful, and strongly feminine.

Sometimes your vision gets clouded with all the manipulations and illusions. Although your intuition is telling you something is wrong. You feel stuck in believing your person’s representative, until they slip up and you finally see their true colors and are able to free yourself.

Truth! Nice, kind, and compassion are good characteristics to have no matter what the situation is at the moment. He is right! Once you cross the line of disrespect. It is time to politely put people in check. Preach, Stephan! You have to create boundaries. You have to say "no" and say what you willing and not willing to accept. It is not overbearing. Amen!!

Stephan, I am in agreement with you 100% it is important to set expectations and boundaries within the relationship no matter what ties you used to have with that person... Personal space, respect of boundaries, and communication are the key to properly co-parenting with the significant other without drama or messiness when or if kids are involved in some cases... As black women we have to realize that being too nice and getting too comfortable can make the relationship difficult because it confuses the kids.... Ladies don't lose your Worth don't let your guard down, have standards.... Don't be used.

Facts. One of my best friends has let her family stress her all the way out, causing her physical illness because she doesn't say no to them, and they take FULL advantage of that. I have had to step in and stand up for her because it hurts me seeing this.

Great points! Sometimes the person with lack of boundaries builds resentment and although it is good to enforce and establish boundaries, we can sometimes be rude or disrespectful, and that does not create a space for communication and reevaluation. Establishing our boundaries in an open, loving yet firm manner is the best opportunity for growth on both sides.

Yes. We all must have boundaries and mutual respect for one another. This is crucial for a healthy relationship.👌🏽

I agree with this 💯% I struggle with this from time to time definitely got to have boundaries nowadays

Sometimes the people violating your boundaries don’t take a no for an answer when you’re being nice about it.

You would not believe who I told this to yesterday I totally agree it's like your talking to a child when you keep telling it to them . Thanks for being an honest Christian Man. Proud of you.❤❤❤

Good video to repeat many times to let the message sink in.

I shouldn’t have to yell, scream, or act hard to set my boundaries. I am practicing being assertive in the kindest way possible even if it’s through text message. If you do not fix how you are treating and or talking to me, then we cannot be cool anymore! For a long time I was afraid to say no because I wanted people to like me and I did not trust my self. However, The older I get I want people to respect me especially when it comes to manipulating people. I still love you but do not cross the line.

"I simply have to let you know that this is unacceptable and this needs to change, and if you're unwilling to embrace that and make the necessary changes, then you have to go!" Exactly! Lmao!!!

This is definitely something that I have always struggled with my entire life... everyone that knows me always says that i am too nice... Finally I can say that I have learned this lesson on boundaries...And the peace that I have found has changed my life in unimaginable ways. Thank you so much for this message!

💯 🙌🏻 Amen!... I finally had the courage to say no and set my boundaries after years of being too nice and afraid to bring issues up where I felt was being disrespected. When I finally found my voice, it wasn’t all about him anymore and I wasn’t being heard. I didn’t get any answers and it ended up being “my fault”. It was a hard decision, but I had to go.

Respect

Truer words have never been spoken. I only wish I had this wisdom like 10 years ago. It was a lesson hard learnt. Thank you Stephan ❤️

There has to be consequences for boundary crossing. Im learning a lot about emotional boundaries and how vital they are. Praise god for teaching me. Keep praying for wisdom and He shall freely give it. Always remember it aint yours to boast of tho ^-^

im so glad i watched this. you are absolutely right and i am gonna start telling people NO

I really enjoyed the video. Boundaries are very important and it took me a long time to figure that out but with all that being said that without boundaries the relationship usually don't end on a good note.

Before I listened to the audiobook “boundaries”. I used to believe that I had to agree with my coworkers even if things didn’t feel right. I carried that crap for over a year. Then I woke up and realized yes I’m a hard worker however at times I try to please the wrong people to “get along” to “avoid conflict” and to “please others”. Yep nope finally woke up and started speaking up. True certain people no longer like me but who cares. They are just mad cause they can’t manipulate me anymore.

Respect is earned. It's not asked for. It's been like that since the beginning of time. If you are searching for respect, you are a very shallow person. If you are trying to make someone respect you, you might as well just say this person needs to like this person and not care about how they feel. It's expectations. That's the problem. People just do not understand this. That's why they get in trouble!!!!!! But always respect people as human beings. That's a given and that's the truth. Everybody have a good day!😊

You have a deep understanding of one concept to another. After many years of humiliating me and putting me down I finally put a HUGE boundary between my father and I. I kept my promise of never again stepping a foot into his house and I didn't till the day of his funeral. Now I must apply this to my sister. Thank you for your wise words.♡♡♡

Thanks! This is helpful. I have a hard time saying no and it usually ends up with me overloading myself, feeling overwhelmed, and letting people down because I actually can't do it all and I need to say no sometimes.

Thank you Stephan.

I will allow you to PLAY as long as Yah lets me know...STOP IT NOW..I GOT THIS THUS SAYS THE MOST HIGH...IN THIS SITUATION IF I WAD AFRAID...I WOULD NEVER NEVER EVER COME OUTSIDE...GOOD WORD MY BROTHER ...SELAH

That was the case with me I was young and married young and ex narc spouse did not allow boundaries it was just 1 sided .

Thank you. For years people have told me I’m too nice. That confused me. But I do need to set better boundaries; I realize that. Also intention is important because when people sense that, they’re less likely to mess with you. Thanks again.

I AGREE & I AM HERE FOR IT!

You are completely right

You know that God is using someone when He gives them the type of wisdom that surpasses "boundaries' (pun intended)! This message not only applies to opposite sex relationships, but many parts of it can apply to coworker relationships, family relationships, and friendships as well. So glad I clicked on this video. Many Blessings Sir 🙏🏽

This is it. No bullshit. I just wished I wasn't so soft and was able to do this better.

Thanks for the wisdom and advice Stephan. For me it couldn't have been more timely as I was struggling with this issue in a work related environment.. and from your video, and the comments below, I realized I was just scared that if I say no, they might not like me anymore, or think I'm not a nice person, and the world would end.... I also realized that if I'm cussing them in my mind, I was really not being true or nice to them, or myself when I hold in all that anger. Smiling and helping others feels natural to me, so I will use that along with your teaching, and a big dollop of courage to grow in the right direction. Again thanks.

Thank you for this video, short and clear!

Befor i get to finish this video I’ve to say something”you’re not to nice you’re just afraid to say no” i love love love this one. I replayed it more than for times before i get to the video.

Thank you! I hate the term “too nice.”

Boundaries = Protection You can set boundaries all you want but if you aren't consistently enforcing them then it leaves room for trust issues and lack of respect. Also, not protecting the relationship at all costs can be very problematic. It opens the doors to outsiders coming into your relationship and disrespecting both parties.

Yes I had to learn this&in doing so&setting those boundaries I've lost friends but I have to also remind myself that they weren't meant to be around anyway if u can't respect the boundaries.

Thank you. I needed this.

I love this. THANK YOU.

THANK YOU Stephan. Now I Don't Feel Bad for being too nice. I just will have some boundaries and learn to say No in a respectful and loving way.

It's rough when you're taught to "be" nice. Culturally it's understood in our own circles where the line is to respect boundaries. Other people outside our culture step on and cross that line but it's not to their knowledge; they need to be told to stay away.

Totally agree should respect people's boundaries, if it causes discomfort towards another person. It should not be done. Humour as well if it offends some one you respect their boundaries. In my opinion.

Thank you. I needed to see this video

Definitely gotta kno how to enforce shit if necessary 💯

It a must ..people don't need to know everything about me . And yes I got mean when lines are crossed .cause I stay neutral to long ..but omg I pray some of these humans know I did care and would have loved to know the real them .I am 60 ..appreciate the gesture but ..no thank you ..and much in life to enjoy . I am also putting my detective jacket away .I did my share of prying .I learned it not our problem any more. But we can Jus love one another wth out lens .if people can't do thst then something s off ..well my media time for 2O21 is less..life's for living ! Namaste love light healing prayers..I was a nice human but too nice ways got me a lot of pent up frustration .time to let that go and start new routines in Life !

If theirs one thing I know about myself, my "NO's" are very powerful.

I needed to hear this video. There’s someone who started out being respectful then began to change over time and the level of respect for me went completely away and when I tried to explain to him how I felt he called me an “ Alpha Female” , Too controlling, and etc ... 🙄

Extremely enlightening ( Thanks for sharing

Thank you! This is great info. Many people don’t know that a lack of boundaries. Leads to a lack of respect.

The only people who will get upset with you when you set boundaries are the people who benefited from you having none. And if someone doesn't respect your boundaries, then they don't respect you. Remember people you can be nice and kind to others, but make sure you set your boundaries with them.

Thanks for the validation

Point blank 💯

You could be as nice as pie and *still* have enough boundaries to tell someone, “you’ve got me fucked up.”

Winning!!! Say it with a smile. "PEACE"

Well said!

Thank you so much for this

I like this because it gives the other Person a CHANCE to choose You or to choose to keep the bad character traits and be with someone else. I've noticed that in the dating world today, because We perceive that there are so many options since there are 7 billion People on the planet, the minute someone does something that a Seeker doesn't like, the Seeker washes their hands automatically, in many cases not even communicating what they disliked. Will TOLD Jada He wouldn't be a part of a violent home whether it be thru action or language and gave Her the CHANCE TO CHOOSE Him and giving up that behavior in order to keep Him... And 25 yrs later, they're still going strong and appear happy. I said all that to say "Listen to Stephen on this one... Give People a CHANCE to CHOOSE You and Your boundaries"

Yea i jus noticed that I need to set boundaries cause people will jus walk allll over ya I’m learnin

So true 👏

✌️❤️just need to learn boundaries and be assertive and short .it’s not easy because then you can feel so guilty

Thank you, so true

Perfect point

Great point!

Wonderfully said ❤

Amen to that!

Good one Stephan, boundaries establish a strong sense of self why being respectful.

Great video great message ..No excessive profanity either..keep up the good work my bro ..Share and like everyone!!

This is gold. Thanks brotha

Dont afraid be to say no.. A lack of boundaries brings disrespect. Draw the line and enforce the line..

This is absolutely true and thank You for taking the time to post the video.

Thank you for these beautiful words.

"Being too afraid to say no" hit me hard. Deep seated childhood trauma coming out 🤯

“Your not too nice your just too afraid to say no”

Thank you!! ☺️☺️☺️