A Nice Person’s Guide To Being Assertive 

Assertive confidence in all aspects of my life

I want to be able to control my anxiety and enjoy life more

Stop feeling invisible, unheard, overlooked.

I'm always wary of saying things that hurt people's feelings. I do understand and love assertiveness and need this.

I want More meaningful conversations

Really found this so helpful! Something extra that really helps complement assertiveness is something I call “seeding”. All it involves is adding/including a helpful tip about yourself to a conversation topic that either highlights your strengths/likes or weaknesses/dislikes in relation to that topic. This can be direct or indirect. An example of Direct would be when acknowledging a request you can add a statement at the end that is a form of praise about something in the request you valued most, or you can constructively add how they could make a future request easier for you to process. So you could say, “I really like that I have 5 days notice, that should give me sufficient time and really helps.Thank you” or “ For any future requests, if you can also include an attachment, I should be able to process it faster for you.” Or “I love how you are always quick to respond. I really appreciate that” The intention is the seed these cues that would tailor the nature of future requests/responses you get from people. As for indirect, you can drop in your “seeds” in a casual discussion. As an example, you could be talking about bad traffic or missing a flight and on the topic of time you can say “Yeah I really hate time delays especially when they cause me to keep someone waiting on me. I really value being punctual and love it when others do the same for me “ . Or someone could be introducing themselves to you for the first time and you could say “I’m often hard to get a hold of on the phone, but I always read my messages. So please do message me if you need anything else”. In all the examples above, you are seeding impressions and preferences to people and with time, they will adjust their interactions with you to manners that favour you individually. This should also help reduce situations where you say “no” as they already know that is not something you would keenly say yes to.

Huge Thank you for this free training! I so appreciate this!!

To be more gracious with people when I'm assertive.

Thank you for the assertive training video! This was very helpful for me, too! I have always wondered why my opinions were not weighted by people in general, although I tried to talk to them genuinely. This has hurt my feelings many times. I know that I am not an assertive person but I didn't know that I am so much far way from being assertive: 7 out of 7 questions for the assertiveness test were FALSE! 😂 You helped me rethink that being assertive is a skill and everyone can learn it. This gave me a lot of hope! Also, I might have been offended or lost direction to improve if I were just criticized for not being assertive, directly by people. Throughout your talk, I was able to assess myself more objectively and I learned the specific way to practice it. Thank you so much!

To be heard, believed and trusted

I’ve been waiting on this for two weeks!! Yay!!

Mine! 😂Vanessa I liked your "screen shot" it feels like online shopping of confidence

So helpful!! Thank you SO much! Love the A-B-C-D work distinction

Watching this video has help me see a lot of bad habits I have created and helped me want to better myself I am truly thankful ❤

I want more Joy!!!!!

Thank you Vanessa, I have your book and have been listening in for a few years now, I truly appreciate you! I am so focused now on steadily, allowing myself to be assertive, stable, and resilient.

After a career break, I want to return to the workforce and positively impact people´s lives (including mine).

you are reading this for a reason, you are so smart so intellignet, stop let other people make you feel down. you have alreadyw atched this video, you are doing a great job! i believe in you

Thank you for your kindness!!! Hopefully everything will work out these days

I want connection, to be able to express myself, be heard and understood

Communicate properly without insecurities

I want to be very specific in this task, so my main goal is to achieve new results in three aspects of my life by improving my personality and using my intuition and courage. 1. Find a work-life balance, including the balance between studying at university and working full-time. I want to find the best way to combine these two things. 2. Ask for better working conditions (I mean to achieve higher salary in two months) at my job. 3. Visit at least one event to find new social contacts with whom I can do a personal project or just keep in touch. ❤

Thank you, I feel like this will help me a lot!

Assertive people have two things they know what they want and they know how to clearly communicate it What do you want more of in your life right now Your wanting is the fuel for your fire When we want something we desire something it gives us energy it gives us fuel when you look at the goal when you think about what you want it should give you energy we need that energy and here’s why When you’re not a naturally assertive person it’s scary to be assertive it takes courage to be assertive so the only way to break through the fear of being assertive and what if someone doesn’t like us or what if I’m not people pleasing the only way that we can get courage to be assertive is to have the fuel of wanting if we really want something we’re like I want to control my time I want more free time I want more positivity if you feel that fire that’s going to give you the courage to do what I’m about to tell you Assertiveness training is all about knowing what you want and asking for it The only way I’ve been able to break through that fear as a recovering awkward person as a recovering people pleaser as someone who does not feel naturally assertive that wanting is going to give us courage Every single time during this training I say something and it makes you feel nervous I want you to go back to this question Stop letting others contro you or your life stop letting people disrespect you stop spending f energy on tasks that drain you stop worrying waffling and stop waiting to stop we have to be able to start to make room for the things we want we have to stop doing the things that aren’t serving us Start asking for what you want Start feeling more confident Start being bold Start owning your true self Assertiveness able to confidently express your openings feelings an needs directly honestly and respectfully How to be BOTH Assertive and Likable 1. 3 assertiveness training skills for nice people to gain respect( there are specific skills that assertive people have to know) have people pay attention to you Assertiveness is a secret side door into more confidence more productivity and being more effective Assertive people get mroe done because they communicate so effectively they have easier communications

Great timing. More of this, please!

I watched you on a lot of different stages on RU-vid, very talented in your speech, you are the best from the best 💫 💯💯💯

What I want more in life: A job that I'm not at the bottom of the barrel

A Work: Public Speaking, Writing, Connecting with People.

I adore you, Vanessa, for this video!

Alma from South Africa: Respect at work and social circles. As bookkeeper, I run the finances of the business - So why do I pay the least?

I loved your video, you are a wonderful person, greetings from Mexico City. new subscriber

Be resilient and loving

I’m in AR. I So appreciate you and your videos! Heart❤😃

Very helpful. Thank you ❤❤❤

I want to know how to ask the right questions more often, be bold and to have courage to travel around while meeting new people

To communicate in an emotional charged meeting.

Ahhhhhhhhh I love this!!!!!

I want to stop feeling embarassed when my bosses put me down or overlook me in meetings on purpose. I want to stop cowering and be assertive without sounding upset.

I want to be articulate, consistent, ask for what I meed without being a victim or sounding whiney. I need help caring for my mother who has Alzheimer's. Keeping firm boundaries.

thank you

Thank you!

Hi Vanessa, i've been watching your videos and its fantastic. I've recently started a new job and i feel like im being managed by my clients i dont want that, i feel like im too nice and cant be mean. I need help to be more assertive!

Unity in my family. ♥️

I needed this ❤ thank you 🙏 but I think your videos need more lighting

Respect from people when they talk to me.

fule and fire awsome structure

Feeding everyone, problem solving and leadership

Hi Vanessa! Hello there! I'm from Hong Kong!

From Bellevue, WA

Helpful

Hi, I am from Sao Paulo, Brazil.

Hello. From Venezuela.

Control my emotions

Is this subject in your Cues book, Vanessa?

emotional expression and space for emotional expression

I want more good feelings

This is profound.

Thanks Vanessa! One question. Why didn't you let your colleague appear in a warmth manner. Hard for us to have interest to listen to him. Getting bored in the latter part. Just let you know.

B Work: Running reports

Vanessa, The letter A is missing from my alphabet 😕

Sometimes we have to do things afraid to grow, those things could easily be in the D area

3/7. When you say assertiveness, do you mean take control and be a leader.

I dont think a strong person avoids their weaknesses, because there is no honor or wholeness or selflove in denying aspects of yourself. A truely strong person acknowledges, embraces and accepts their weaknesses while simultaiously working on them. They have compassion for their weaknesses knowing that they are lovable regardless.

Time stamps would be useful.

That is not an acceptable response for my job. I have to do all the work whether it is D or not. But this is applicable in other circumstances.

I want to be understood better

I feel like a hopeless case!

Having more clients and more monet

peace

25:15 😅🤫

More bookings

fight or flight

Excel Spreadsheets

time

How to say no.

I’m not yet successful enough to hire out b through d 😆 😊 yet.

Love with my SP Money

desire babe smoothy

No more fake smiling feels almost physically impossible, as a former autistic masker

I want to control my anxiety

people are disgusting. they don’t deserve apology.

Money

Have 4 and more nos

Money.

I want to be a better communicator when preaching

All 7 were false 😮😢

i had 7 false😂

money

7 falses

oops e

3 falses

To much sales talk...little substance

You are mumbling and talking to fast

So much blablabla

You talk too much But say nothing It's really boring! Be efficient!

A Work B Work C Work D Work Numbers guy Diplomatic speaking Convincing/persuading people Flirting Words guy Math Engineering Maintaining an order Mental resilience AI and Computer Science Science Looking good Thinking and brainstorming Academics Being consistent in relationships Ball games Speaking as a performer Reading Talking with charm/being charming Evolutionary psychology Hospitality and welcoming Systematizing Getting attention Identifying bullshit Admin tasks Gym/Strength based work Social psychology Maintaining finances Memorizing Programming Talking to strangers/hanging out at a party Speaking english